


The Season of Change

by Chereche



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2018-07-26 03:56:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 55
Words: 301,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7559173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chereche/pseuds/Chereche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Come on Lone Star. You're not really mad at me. You like it when we tangle. That's what you like about me, you just don't want to admit it."<br/>"No it's not, Maya. I don't think it is."<br/>Ski Lodge A/U: Maya takes Lucas' words badly, and everything changes for them all from that moment on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Maya felt her heart plummet as she met Lucas' level gaze. She narrowed her eyes slightly, searching his eyes for any sight of mirth, or even deception, anything really that could reassure her that he was not serious about what he had just said. She found no sign of it. Searching Lucas' face Maya saw nothing but complete honestly there, and she forced herself to purse his lips into something resembling annoyance in order to mask what she was truly feeling. If she had to define the chilling feeling running through her at this moment, she would label it as a monumental shift. It was almost like that one unfortunate time during her childhood when she had touched a live wire and had felt a paralysing fear that this was it for her. Just like then she knew that she needed to get away from the thing causing her to feel like this, and she knew that she needed to do it now, before her true reaction shone through.

It took her only a second to slam her long-since mastered poker face into place, before, without a next word, she turned away from Lucas, and without saying anything else, walked away from him, away from them. When none of them made any effort to call after her, she knew that her deception was successful, and, now free of them, Maya dug her finger nails painfully into her palms as she felt the blood start to pound in her ears. She all but stalked across the ski lodge, knowing that she needed to get out and get out now before she lost the fragile grip she had on her emotions. There was no way she was going to do that publicly.

Sarah and Darby were seated on an oversized armchair near the lodge's exit with a couple of magazines scattered across their laps. Sarah met her gaze curiously, and Maya stopped in front of them. "I'm going for a walk on the trail," she said, her voice terse to her own ears but it was the best she could manage. The only reason she was bothering to tell them anything in the first place was because keeping people informed of their whereabouts was one of the first instructions they had been given once they had got up here. Technically Riley was supposed to be her safety buddy, but there was no way she could hide anything from her right about now. Moreover, she didn't want to be questioned on why she was going on a second hike when they had just barely gotten back from their first.

"Are you okay?" Sarah asked her, even while Darby, beside her, eyed her with confusion, as if she couldn't quite understand why Maya was telling them this in the first place.

"I need to be alone," Maya said shortly. "Tell Matthews for me if he asks."

"We will," Sarah responded. "You're going alone?"

"Yes," she confirmed, and, not wanting to be pressed any further gave them a short, dismissive nod before heading outside.

The crispness of the air assaulted her immediately, and grateful, Maya took in several deep breaths that did absolutely nothing to calm her. She set off on one of the less popular trails, setting a hard pace for herself because she really needed to do something besides think, and trying to navigate sharp inclines and jagged rocks seemed the perfect way to do so. By the time the burn in her legs had grown too much to ignore, and her breathing was quite erratic Maya knew that she had put enough distance between herself and the lodge that she would be okay. She dropped down heavily atop of fallen leaves between a huge, gorgeous tree, and she leant her head back so she could look up at the bits of light that managed to pierce through the tree's thick canopy.

As her breathing calmed though her mind decided that she had had enough of a reprieve, and slowly but surely what had just happened between her and Lucas started to replay itself in her head. She couldn't believe what had just happened, but there was no denying that it was true. Lucas had truly meant what he had said to her. He didn't like their game, the game they had started from their very first week of knowing each other. It was the one true thing that connected them, and he did not like it. Did that mean he had actually been serious about his requests for her to stop those few times he had expressed objections to what she had been saying to him? She had always ignored him, after all, he would always inevitably laugh at whatever it was that she was doing or saying to him and she had always taken that as reassurance that things were okay. She was no longer certain though. Perhaps she had been wrong, so very wrong about everything. Maybe he truly had not liked it, and by extension her. Maybe Lucas hated her.

Maya's breath hitched, and she tried to convince herself that it was not a silent sob that escaped her even as she brought her legs up so that she could bury her face in her knees for the safety it would afford her. Her world was imploding more and more with each second that passed, and she had no idea how to stop it, or even if she should. Everything had already been so topsy-turvy over the past few weeks and this was just adding to that and now, once again, she wasn't too certain where that left her standing in the grand scheme of things. Riley had affirmed that she didn't like who she had become. She didn't like her more level self, didn't care for the way she now appreciated school (in small doses) and was actually starting to do well. She had tried to compensate for that as best as she could, and had even given into Riley's whim to sell most of her clothes in order to bring her back to a state of 'normalcy' but, as uncomfortable as she had been with Riley's summation, she had just gone along with it because she would always do anything for her best friend.

Riley was her safe space, the one true safe place Maya had always had from the first time she had crawled through that window into Riley's bedroom. And, to not mess with that, Maya had done her best to not take offence to anything Riley did, and for a bit tried to embrace the changes she wanted. And. Even though it quickly became clear that there was no way she could revert back as Riley wanted, she did her best to simply play the part. To please her best friend she could start back to dress in band tees, jackets and boots in a style Riley deemed stylishly edgy. She could be snarky, sassy and complain about things like she used to, even if truthfully she saw them now as being nothing but minor nuisances. Besides, it wouldn't change the fact that she could goad Lucas as always. Riley was okay with that; that had always been part and parcel for the two of them. Overall, it had not been the easiest of acts to maintain, but, given how happy Riley seemed to be about it, Maya made herself endure it. It was what Riley needed from her, and like always, Maya knew that what she needed most for herself was to protect Riley and keep her happy.

Besides, according to Riley, she had not truly started to turn into a blonde version of her for that long. And, while Riley was probably wrong about her feelings for Lucas only coming out of her desire to be more like her, Maya could have lived with that. Lucas' decision, one way or another would have resolved that dilemma for them. But now, she knew for a fact that that decision didn't need to be made, not anymore. Lucas' message had been received loud and clear. So where on earth did that leave her?

Maya straightened, and harshly wiped away the few tears that she had allowed to slip loose. No, she was not going to wallow in self-pity because of this. Yes she was in pain, perhaps in more pain than she had ever been in since her father had left, but she was not going to lose herself in that pain, not again. She sniffed, and wiped at her nose. What she needed was a solution, an honest to god solution decided upon her terms. Riley didn't like who she was now, and yet it seemed that Lucas despised who she was. Where did that leave her? What was she to do? Pretend to be her old self for Riley's sake, and in doing so, further alienate herself from Lucas, or put her money on the Lucas who liked her present self, even if that meant that Riley would not be happy. How was she supposed to make that choice, such an impossible choice?

The weight of the decision she knew she had to make was crushing her. She closed her eyes and once again tried to take in deep, shuddering breaths, hoping desperately for some sort of solution that could help her resolve the dilemma she was in. It took a while, but gradually she felt a sort of shift from within her once again, a shift that caused the pain to lessen as her mind started to speak to her. No, there were not just two choices that could be made. There were three and that third choice at the very least would ensure that at least Lucas and Riley would be okay. It was far from the easiest, and Maya knew that it would devastatingly painful, if not crippling for her. And she was okay with that. It wasn't as if she hadn't dealt with pain before. She was the most accustomed to it, and so, it made perfect sense that she alone should be made to deal with it.


	2. Chapter 2

Returning to the lodge was not the easiest journey she had ever made. She had stumbled a few times getting down the trail, and her hands were unfortunately scrapped from one of those stumbles where she had had to brace herself to prevent greater damage. She was a bit surprised when she finally came back to the main dwelling to see that she had been gone for nearly three hours, but, thankfully it seemed as if her disappearance had gone largely unnoticed, save for Sarah whose stare followed her as she headed up the stairs, her legs aching in a way that warned her that the morning would not be pleasant for her. Thankfully, she had her and Riley's room to herself and so she did not have to feign her emotions as she rummaged through her suitcase for the medical supplies her mother had forced her to pack. She supposed her mother had better foresight than her, she acknowledged as she made quick work of disinfecting her scrapes. None seemed to need bandaging she decided, glad, because bandages would definitely draw unwanted attention to her.

She showered next, setting the temperature to as high as she could manage in an attempt to relax her protesting muscles. Afterwards, she set her hair into a single braid running down her back before selecting one of the dresses her mother had packed. She doubted that its floral pattern would get the Riley stamp of approval, but, at the moment, she could not be bothered by that. She spent the most time examining her face in the mirror, contorting it a few times until she was certain that she could believably portray nonchalance. Satisfied finally, she left the bathroom and headed downstairs.

She sat beside Zay for dinner after waving off the rest of the gang who had gathered around the bay window Riley was still stuck at. It warmed her heart a bit that Zay had left them to sit with her, reminding her of his first day at school when she had done the same for him. Perhaps he was a bit more perceptive than she gave him credit for because while he did make idle chatter throughout the meal, he didn't really try to engage with her in any real way, nor did he press her after to return to them with him once their plates had been cleared. She was grateful to him for that. She sighed after finishing the last bite of a cookie she had snagged, wondering if anyone would question her going to bed so early. The decision was taken from her when Sarah sat down in Zay's vacated seat.

"Maya," Sarah said softly, "do you want to hang out with us tonight?"

"What?" Maya asked, glancing toward the end of the table where Darby, Dave and Yogi were, the three of them observing their interaction. "Why?"

Sarah shrugged. "There're a couple of fire rings set up outside. We're thinking about grabbing a guitar or two, make some smores, you know, campy things. Interested?"

Maya hesitated, a bit dumbfounded by the invitation. She didn't have anything against them, but, the simple fact was that while they were cordial with each other, there was really no closeness between them. And yet, they were there, offering her their support. "I mightn't be good company," Maya warned, and her gaze briefly flickered to the bay window.

"That's okay," Sarah answered as she stood, offering her hand. "But, you don't have to be alone tonight."

Maya stared at the girl's offered hand for a minute, before, with a sigh, taking it and standing, resisting a wince as her scrapes protested. "You guys heard what Lucas said," she deduced.

Sarah nodded. "We know you aren't okay Maya and we figured that if you left this afternoon it probably means that you don't really want to be around him, them, for a while. We aren't going to force you though. If you really don't want to come with us…"

"No," Maya said quickly, "I appreciate it. Thanks Sarah."

"You're welcome," she answered before tugging her towards where the rest of her group was waiting.

Later Maya would cringe at the realisation that probably everyone now knew about her sound rejection from Lucas, but for now she would try to put that out of her mind and just enjoy a night of singing around a fireplace with her classmates.

*

Although she did not hang out with them often, Maya could appreciate how wonderful the teenagers she was with were. They were obviously as close as she was (or used to be?) with the rest of her gang, and yet they had opened their circle to her. She couldn't pretend that it was the same. There were obvious inside jokes that flew over her head, Yogi and Darby would often seem to forget about the rest of them as they conversed in hushed whispers, and she found out titbits of information about them that she had never even known. And, perhaps the thing she appreciated the most was the fact that they didn't ask her any questions, didn't look at her with sympathy or offered to let her talk. They just kept up a jolly, sometimes hilarious bunch of activities that slowly bled through the sadness she was feeling, so that, when she felt someone's hands descend down onto her shoulders, the laugh that was cut off was an actual genuine one.

She leant her head back to see whose hands were gently massaging her shoulders, her eyes widening when she saw Josh's upside down face. Despite everything, a part of her mind screamed at the fact that her long-time crush, her fantasy guy was actually looking down at her with something other than patronising amusement.

"Boing," she said, swallowing.

"Maya," he acknowledged as he released her shoulders, allowing her to turn so that she could look up at him without hurting her neck. "You having too much fun here, or can I pull you away?"

Maya couldn't help but think that a year ago, were she in this position, she would have already jumped up, willing to follow him. As is, what was prompting this? She couldn't help but let her eyes drift past him, but no, there was no one else with him. He had come out here to where she was on his own. She met his gaze again, and he said nothing, save arching a brow as he looked down at her. She swallowed before looking back to where Sarah and Dave were observing their exchange quietly, Yogi and Darby too…preoccupied. Sarah gave her a smile and nodded, a smile Maya returned.

"Thanks for the wonderful night guys," she told them as she stood. "I really appreciate it."

"Anytime Maya," Sarah responded, and Maya heard the pure sincerity in her voice.

"Where to?" she asked. She really hoped that she had been right and he was not simply going to lead her back to her friends.

"The trail to the back is lit," he answered as he gently grasped her arm before walking. She fell into step beside him. "You little ones aren't supposed to be out here in the dark like this, but I figure it's fine since I'm your chaperone."

Away from the campfires, it was too dark for her to really see his face, but she knew that he was smiling as he looked down at her.

"Matthews won't like it," she warned as she sighted the path he had been referring to.

"Matthews isn't going to find out right?" he asked, his tone lowering. "This isn't going to be a repeat of the college party aftermath? You'll keep this secret?"

Maya chuckled. "I will," she reassured him. "I like honesty and all, but I'm really not in the mood to get grounded again."

"Good," he replied.

They walked in silence for a few minutes. She supposed Josh had ventured onto this trail before, because he walked with ease, his hand moving to the small of her back to help steady her. She was grateful for it, although her legs were already launching a petition for her to just stop because this was literally the most walking she had done in her life and her little stubs were rebelling against it. Thankfully though, they didn't have to walk for more than five minutes more before they came upon a sort of circle clearing with a few benches scattered around. The area was softly lit and she could clearly see the lights continuing upwards. Josh led them to one of the benches that faced the way they had come. It was angled in a way so that they would see if anyone neared the clearing before they could be noticed. She supposed this was his plan to escape notice.

She sat with a relieved groan, Josh dropping down a few inches away from her. She noted that he straddled the bench though, so that he was facing her. He looked at her expectantly, and, with a sigh, she mirrored him, hating how open it left her face for his perusal.

"So what's this about?" she asked. "Because I have to say, this is a bit romantic," she teased, glad that, at least with him, she could fall into her usual habit. She could only hope that he didn't hate it.

"Well," he said, "for one it's been a long time since we've seen each other."

"July," she confirmed, "when Eric decided to carry you on your own road trip."

"How much did Cory complain?" he asked jovially.

"Why do you think he just happened to meet up with you guys in Atlanta?" she shot back, causing them both to laugh. "Topanga was this close to killing him, I swear," she said holding up her fingers with the smallest of spaces between them.

He chuckled. "I'll admit," he said once their mirth faded, "part of the reason I agreed to come along on this trip is because I wanted to see you."

"Really?" she asked, her eyes widening slightly. "I'd have thought you'd be too busy with college.

"Well, you sort of made an impression during that party. At least once a week I'm asked how things are going, and I don't think I can survive much longer if I keep saying I haven't talked to you in a while."

"Oh," Maya responded, looking down, her despondency rising again. He too wasn't doing this because he wanted to. Was this an obligation, so that he had a story to tell?

"Hey now," he said quickly, concern entering his voice, "what's with that sad face, huh?"

She shrugged, but looked out when his fingers reached out to grasp her chin and lift her head up. Reluctantly, she met his eyes.

"What's going on with you?" he asked softly. "I noticed it earlier. You're sad."

"I'm fine," she hedged, wishing she could look away.

"You're not," he returned. "Is this about what Lucas said to you?"

"Does everyone know?" she snapped, jerking her head free.

"Yeah well you guys were talking pretty loudly," he answered, "and I saw how you walked away."

"I do not want to talk about this," the told him gruffly, swinging her leg over the bench and standing. "Look, let's just go back okay? This is a stupid risk."

"Fine Maya," he told her, "we won't talk about that. So will you sit down?"

She eyed him for a long moment, before, reluctantly sitting again. "I actually wanted to talk about us."

"There is no us, Josh," she said tiredly. "You've made that clear."

"What happened to the long game?" he asked, "or did that disappear when you started to like Friar?"

"You know about that?" she asked.

"The world knows about it," he answered, rolling his eyes. "I'll admit I was a bit hurt at first. I guess it was a bit hard to get past the idea that you weren't looking up to me anymore."

She shrugged. "I guess I decided to be realistic," she answered. "Long game and all, but I know how far off that chance is Josh. I'm a freshman in high school, you're a freshman in college. We're worlds apart, and it'll be years before you'd even consider me. And in that time? I'm sure one of those college girls will sweep you up and I'll just be the blonde you see at Christmas time or sometimes during the summer. You'll fall deeply in love and not even remember what I said until it's way too late for me, and you'd be surprised if I actually waited, because, you know, you'd have thought that I'd have matured to realise it was impossible to do."

Josh was silent for a long moment. "You really have thought of this."

She nodded. "I just have the most terrible luck," she said softly. "I can't have any of the great guys," she whispered, although with the silence surrounding them, her words carried on the wind to him, "I can't have anyone."

"Hey, hey, hey," Josh said seriously, "that's not true Maya."

"Isn't it?" she said, giving a defeated shrug as she looked at him, her eyes burning. "Name one guy that I've had in my life who hasn't left me."

"Cory," he responded softly, "and Shawn." Maya's lips lifted slightly at that. "Farkle's still around, and well Maya, I'm not exactly going away either."

She eyed him with confusion at that. "What?"

Josh started rubbing at his neck. "I've actually been thinking about this too you know," he admitted, "and you're right. It isn't going to be easy, and Maya, I don't have a crystal ball to tell me what's going to happen tomorrow, far less years down the road. I stand by what I said. You're too young for me right now, but, that doesn't mean that we can't start the game."

"Start?"

"Think about it," he said, leaning closer to her. "I don't think we've passed go as yet, so the game hasn't started. But I'm ready to roll the dice, if you are."

Maya could only stare at him, struggling to process what was happening. It was a hard feat to master, the ache from earlier was still there, too fresh and raw, but here was Josh, the Josh she had had a crush on ever since she had first met him, looking at her with those gorgeous brown eyes of his, and offering her a line. A long, long line, but a fragment nonetheless that could link them together."

"Josh, I-"

"I'm not proposing marriage," he teased, drawing a wet chuckle from her as she sniffled, willing the burn in her eyes to fade away.

"Then what are you proposing?" she asked.

"What I'm proposing," he explained, "is that we actually exchange numbers. Let's message each other ever so often, tell each other what's going on, and all those little details."

"Actual communication?"

"Yes, communication beyond you jumping on my back whenever the wind blows me this way."

She laughed at that. "I haven't jumped you this time," she whispered.

"Not yet anyway," he retorted, shrugging. "I saw how you were stumbling up here ferret. I'm going to have to carry you back down."

She smiled at that, tucking a rebellious strand back into position. "You're serious?"

"Of course," he answered, "you're still tiny. I can manage."

"I meant about us talking," she pointed out.

"That too," he answered her seriously. "And no, this doesn't have anything at all to do with what happened earlier; I always planned for this to happen."

"Okay," she agreed softly, before falling silent as she looked away into the darkness. This is what she had dreamt of for so long. And yet she could only manage a meagre amount of happiness toward it. Wasn't that typical of her life? The universe giving her a pinch while taking away a handful. Nevertheless, she would be grateful for the little she had. Starting with accepting that piggyback ride down the trail.


	3. Chapter 3

Josh set her down gently at the edge of the trail. "Back to civilisation," he quipped.

"We're still ye high in the bush," she retorted, a bit of spirit in her voice. There was something about the darkness and the warmth of someone's back against her cheek that coaxed a bit of cheer out of her, no matter how dreary the situation really was. "Is this where we part?" she asked, looking around. She could still see where Sarah and company were, and it seemed as if a lot more of the lodge's guests were out and about.

"What do you want to do?" he asked, consulting the time. "There's still a good hour or so before we're supposed to start ushering you guys off to bed."

"You can try," she said.

"Oh I can," he returned softly.

She rolled her eyes at that and jabbed his side with her elbow.

"But what do you want to do Maya?" he repeated, a bit more seriously now. "I'm not going to pretend what just happened has fixed anything for you."

She gulped around a lump in her throat as she looked toward one of the lodge's windows. She could just about make out a bit of brunette hair, and she highly doubted that Riley was alone there. "I'm not sure," she revealed. "What do you think I should do, oh older wise one?"

He chuckled at that. "Well, young whippersnapper," he teased, "you have four choices."

"So many?"

"Yes. You can hang out with me. Or you can go back to the ones I stole you from. Or you could go inside to your friends, although I'm pretty certain that is number one on the not now list unless you really want to talk about the thing I didn't really talk to you about."

"And the fourth option?" she asked, a bit desperately, because none of the above seemed even remotely interesting to her.

He was silent for a moment. "The fourth involves you taking advantage of the fact that your room is empty right now, and is probably going to be for a while longer."

Maya looked down at that. "And what am I to do while I'm there?" she asked, failing to interject the vaguest hint of humour in her words.

"Whatever you need to to get that kicked puppy look out of your eyes," he told her seriously, reaching out to rub her upper arms gently. "Unless of course you want to explain to the cowboy why what he said hurt you."

"You don't understand Josh," she said, voice wavering.

"I won't unless you tell me," he agreed, his touch firming a bit, "and I don't think you can right now…or don't want to."

Maya nodded; he was right. He was still new to this, and while their conversation in the woods had given her a bit of hope, he had no chance of alleviating the pain she felt right now. Perhaps he was right, and she should truly be alone.

"I can't get past them," she pointed out. "They're all in the lodge."

"Then we'll sneak you in the backway," he responded easily.

She followed him quietly to the back entrance, the both of them ducking under the window to keep out of sight.

"Josh," she said, minutes later when she stood in front of her room door, after they successfully got up here from passing through the kitchen. "Thank you."

He smiled down at her, and surprised her by reaching out and flicking her nose with a finger. "You're welcome ferret. I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?"

"Okay," she agreed, and entered the room, closing the door quietly behind her. It took her all of five minutes to strip down and don sleepwear, and only around a minute or so after, she outed the lights and climbed into bed to cry, soaking her pillow with her tears.

*

She didn't sleep well that night, only managing a handful of hours rest before she had given it up. Riley had not been brought up to the room, and, she took advantage of that fact, writing, ripping and re-writing for a while, and then, once that was finished, just sitting on the floor of the room, looking up at the moon through the window. She didn't move no matter how much her legs protested and her back ached. It wasn't until the first signs of daylight started to cross the sky did she stand with a groan, and dressed once again. Although she had come up here as a result of the nature club, it didn't mean that she didn't have work to do.

Her sketchpad and pencils in hand, she snagged a couple of the cereal bars she had taken from home before quietly heading to the main part of the lodge. She was half way across it when she felt eyes on her, and, reluctantly, she glanced towards one of the fireplaces to find Riley's parents looking at her. They were pretty cozy, Topanga tucked against her husband's side while his fingers played idly with strands of her hair. She arched a brow at them, noting that they were in the same clothes they had arrived at the lodge in.

"You here all night?" she asked.

"Pretty much," Cory answered.

"I wanted to see what the big deal was about," Topanga added. "But you, you are up quite early. Gonna draw the sun rise?"

"You got me," she responded, wondering how much small talk she would have to make before she could escape.

"We didn't see much of you yesterday," Cory pointed out.

She shrugged, aiming for nonchalance as she said, "I spent a good bit of time sourcing out the best places I could draw at."

"Then we won't keep you waiting," Topanga told her, offering her a small smile. "Have fun Maya, but remember, don't wander off the main paths."

"I won't."

She had only taken a couple of steps before she recalled the final draft of the letter she had worked on in the night. It was stuffed in her back pocket, waiting until she had built up the courage to hand it over to Riley. It was a task she had not been looking forward to; there was no way that Riley would have taken it without question, and right about now, Maya knew that it would have only taken Riley a few seconds to inspect her face and to discern that something was wrong with her. And that was definitely a conversation she did not want to have with her, with anyone else. Perhaps this was her chance?

"Can I leave something with you guys?" she asked, "for Riley?"

"Of course," Cory answered.

She gave him a grateful smile as she approached them, taking the slightly crumpled page out of her pocket before offering it to him. "Just tell her to read it," she requested.

Cory and Topanga frowned down at the paper. "What is it?" Cory asked.

"Just a letter."

"Maya sweetie," Topanga added, "are you okay?"

Maya glanced at her, and discerned hints of concern in the woman's eyes.

"I-I'm fine," she answered quickly, backing away. "I gotta go," she added when she saw the woman making to speak again. Not caring how it would look, and desperate to escape their questions, Maya hurried out of the lodge, ignoring Cory worried call of her name.

Their gazes were boring into the back of her head, but Maya didn't care what they thought right about now. Riley's bum ankle had been the perfect opportunity for her to snag the single seat to the front of the bus to curl up in. After all, Riley's ankle needed to be elevated and wasn't she being a dutiful friend to move without being asked? She had no doubt that Riley had expected her to allow her to spread her legs across her lap for the duration of the ride back, and perhaps had things been different, Maya would have facilitated that easily. She knew that the Matthews had given Riley the letter; she felt the group's stares at her when she had returned earlier in the day. She had ignored them all though. She had said her piece, and had nothing more to add. She had removed herself from the equation, permanently this time, and they should be glad because of it. Perhaps they already were a couple, she mused as she rested her forehead against the cool glass of the bus. Riley could use Lucas' lap as a pillow for her ankle.

The seat was large enough so that she could pull her legs up, and she curled up into as tight of a ball as she could manage, her jacket draped over her like a blanket as she stared out at the autumn leaves on the trees, imprinting them into her mind as something she would definitely be painting upon her return. She sensed when someone settled into the seat across from her, but she maintained her outward gaze; it was mildly soothing in an odd way, and she wanted to capture that peace to carry with her.

"If this is you trying not to draw attention to yourself then you're failing badly Maya."

Maya's head shifted in surprise. But then again, after last night, perhaps it was not unexpected that it was Josh sitting there looking at her. She met his stare evenly, not even bothering to pretend with him.

"Shove over," he bid after a moment, and she made a squeak of protest when he half pushed her around so they could share a seat. Was she that tiny that they were both comfortable on it like that, she groused.

"You're the one drawing attention," Maya muttered as she looked up at him.

Josh shrugged. "I really don't care," he admitted. "Your friends were too busy debating on who should come up here to see if you were okay, whereas I just did it. You're welcome, by the way. You don't have to pretend with me."

"I can't deal with them right now," she admitted, leaning her head on his shoulder as her eyes drifted close. "I'm tired Josh. I just want to go home where I can be in misery in peace."

"You really do like him, don't you?" Josh asked softly.

"I really, really do," she confirmed, her tone listless. "But that doesn't matter anymore. There is never going to be anything between us. Not anymore."

Josh was silent for a moment, and while Maya was tempted to look up to gauge his expression, a larger part of her was too comfortable to be bothered.

"They won't leave you alone forever," he warned her finally. "I can make an excuse for you now, but they'll want answers eventually."

Maya sighed and raised her head reluctantly. "I just need it to not hurt when that happens okay? I just need a few more hours, a few days."

"That won't be enough time."

"Well it's all I got right now, so I'll take it," she grumbled.

His eyes reflected sympathy and she turned away. She didn't want that. She didn't want, nor needed to be pitied by anyone. "You want to be alone?"

"Thank you," she answered tiredly. She didn't really want him to move away from her, but it wasn't like he could remain there for the entire trip back to New York and, as she had said earlier, it was bound to draw a lot more attention than she was willing to deal with at the moment.

"Okay," he replied, "I'll just leave this with you then."

Her fingers curled automatically around the piece of paper he pressed into it. "My number," he explained when she turned to look at him once again. "To be used at your discretion, especially now."

"Thank you Josh," she said sincerely.

He gave her a small smile, and one formed on her own lips when he gently stroked his hand down her cheek. "I'll tell them you aren't feeling well and to just leave you be. See you back in civilisation spider monkey," he told her as he stood. "Take care."

Maya watched until he was out of sight before curling up into her previous ball. She felt minutely better thanks to their brief conversation, but she knew she still had a ways to go.


	4. Chapter 4

A combination of road works and a fairly serious traffic accident delayed the club's return to the city. Indeed, it was nearly one on Monday morning when the road-weary students and their chaperones stumbled out of the bus and into the care of their parents and guardians. It was a foregone fact that none of them would return to the school for the remainder of the day, so it was not until Tuesday that it became evident how deeply rooted the issue with Maya from the weekend truly was.

Riley had been the first to notice that something was wrong. After all, Maya had not made any attempt to contact her the previous day, and had not responded to any of the messages she had left her. She was growing increasingly unnerved, especially when Maya had not shown up to meet her that morning and so, she and her dad (due to her still bum ankle) had driven to the school alone, he ensuring that she was capable enough of hobbling around on her own before he relinquished her until first period. But, as students slowly trickled in, one seat remained glaringly empty, so much so that, when the boys and Smackle finally entered the room, Riley was nervously shredding a page of her notebook. She raised her head swiftly, half expecting to see Maya's blonde hair peeking over Smackle's shoulder, but no, Maya had not been with them that morning.

"Where is she?" Lucas asked, as he set his bag down. "Did Maya go to the washroom Riley?"

"I was hoping she was with you guys," Riley admitted, crumpling the debris on her desk into a single ball.

Lucas' expression grew worried. "She didn't come with you?"

"Is Maya still sick?" Zay asked, drawing them back to the explanation Josh had given them on Sunday.

"She can't be," Riley responded despondently. "Dad and Uncle Shawn talked for hours last night. He would have mentioned if she were ill."

"And you haven't heard from her at all?"

"No," Riley snapped, a bit of her frustration bleeding through.

"Hey, it's okay," Lucas said quickly, reaching over the stroke her arm. "Calm down Riley."

"How can I be calm?" she hissed. "What's wrong with Maya?"

"Does anyone have a clue?" Lucas asked, looking at them.

They all shrugged to varying degrees. It wasn't a new conversation topic. Maya had been fine the first few hours of the trip and had basically isolated herself after that. It made sense at the time when Josh had declared her ill; none of them could ever recall a time when Maya had been in less than stellar health, so it had made sense that she would just want to be alone until she was better. But right about now, Lucas was pretty certain that he was not the only one wondering if she had been sick to start with.

"We'll figure it out, okay?" Lucas promised her as the bell rang.

"Okay," Riley replied softly.

He patted her arm once before he took his seat, and Riley turned away, and breathed deeply as she tried to compose herself before her father arrived. She didn't know what she would say when he asked her where Maya was, but, she really needed to be in control of herself before that question came. Except…it didn't. They all watched on in confusion as he arrived, greeted them, and then commenced the lesson without a single inquiry about her. Their group was not the only one to quietly question it. Riley's father never ever let an empty seat go unquestioned, but he was considerably more involved when it came to his daughter and her friends. So when his eyes did nothing except linger momentarily on her desk before moving on, Riley's fingernails dug into her palm.

Something was seriously wrong, and her father knew something about it. Plagued by her thoughts, Riley scarcely paid attention to what her father was teaching. For once there was no profound lesson involved…it was as if he too was not one hundred percent at the moment, confirmed when he actually assigned them a bit of in-class reading to do. Riley kept up her pretence of paying attention until he walked pass her desk. Almost without her realising, her hand shot out and she grabbed onto his sleeve. He looked down at her, and Riley's eyes widened when she saw the conflict in the depths of his eyes. She knew that expression; that was how her dad looked when he was trying to ignore something. And somehow, she knew whatever was bothering him involved Maya.

"What's happening daddy?" she asked him, her voice quivering. "You know. Where's Maya?"

A flicker in his gaze confirmed her suspicions. "Let's talk about this after sweetie," he told her softly, and moved to dislodge her hand.

"Daddy," she repeated, a bit more desperately.

"Is Maya in trouble sir?" Lucas asked then. "Please tell us."

Cory sighed as he saw that the entire class' attention was now firmly fixed on him. He couldn't blame them, he supposed, as he turned, heading to the front of the class once again. Save Lucas, Smackle and Zay, all of them had spent at the very least, their entire middle school period together. It was obvious they would be worried about one of their own.

"Ms. Hart isn't in any sort of trouble, Mr. Friar," he responded, as he turned to open his briefcase.

"Then why isn't she here sir?" Farkle inquired.

Cory took out a pink slip and held it up for them to see.

"Daddy?" Riley let out, shock in her tone. She knew what that was. Her father had handed two of those to her and Maya at the start of their eighth grade. "Is that-"

"A transfer slip," he confirmed. "Ms. Hart requested removal from this timeslot. Administration approved it."

Seconds later Cory had to raise his hand for silence as the class erupted into surprised chatter.

"Why did you approve that?" Riley demanded, her eyes starting to burn. It didn't make sense. None of this made sense. She turned, shooting desperate looks to the rest of her friends, only to find all of them with similar expressions.

"It wasn't my decision to make," he finally said. "The majority of the teachers had already signed off on it. There was no valid reason for me not to."

"But-" Riley started, only to be cut off by Zay.

"Wow, you said teachers. As in teachers plural?"

"I did," he confirmed.

"How many classes did she switch around?" Smackle asked.

Cory rubbed at the back of his neck, a gesture that just caused Riley's heart to drop further. That was one of his nervous ticks. "She switched her periods for History, Art, Spanish and Biology."

"But we have three of those together!" Riley protested loudly.

"And she had Biology with me," Lucas added, his tone softer.

"She moved all the classes she had with you two," Zay said.

"Not helping," Farkle hissed.

"Just what happened at the lodge?" Smackle asked, adjusting her glasses.

They all fell quiet at that, unable to answer. Across the room, Sarah shared a pensive look with Darby who only shook her head. Sarah nodded, and her grip on her pencil tightened as she willed herself not to speak. The bell rang, and for once, she was eager to escape the confines of their history class.

*

It was strange, very strange, to be in a History class on her own. She was the odd one out. She recognised a good few of her new classmates from the other classes they shared together and the guy she was next too definitely shared a few classes with her. Indeed, he had passed her a note with a scribbled "glad ur here! :D" that had managed to make her smile. But still, it was different. Mr. Matthews definitely taught the same way, intertwining life lessons into whatever he was teaching, but he didn't make a big deal out of her presence which would have drawn more attention to her than was necessary, and she was grateful to him for that.

He hadn't even pressed her to answer a single question, which left her with the entire period to just jot down key points he was saying because, now, more than ever, she had to pay attention in her classes. She had no one to rely upon to keep her caught up with notes and assignment details, and while that realisation was only now hitting her, she accepted the burden she had now added to her life. It was her decision, and she would not and could not regret it.

The bell rang, signalling the end of the class. She gave her seatmate a polite smile as he said goodbye, but didn't hurry to pack like the rest of them because she knew what was coming.

"Remain behind Ms. Hart."

"Mr. Matthews?" she said simply once the last of her new classmates had left. "How can I help you?"

"I want to talk to you Maya," he responded as he sat on the desk in front of hers. She had taken a seat in the back row, mostly so she did not have to hold eye contact with him. "What's happening?"

"Nothing at all sir," she responded, "I'm just doing a bit of life re-organisation."

"By re-organisation you mean separating yourself from your friends?" he asked, mildly. She shrugged and bit at her lip. "Look Maya," he continued, "what happened at the lodge? You weren't acting like yourself then and now this? Changing your schedule?"

"You don't agree?"

"You know I don't."

"Then why did you sign off on it?" she asked, looking up at him. "I wouldn't have been able to swap History and Art without your permission."

Cory sighed, before admitting, "You didn't ask to leave my class entirely. You just wanted to change the time period."

She smiled slightly at that. Administration had given her the worst trouble with that. She could have gotten her entire schedule altered, eliminating her from classes with every last one of them save PE with Zay. However, that would have meant giving up the man before her as a teacher, and out of all the other things she was now planning on doing without, she could not quite bring herself to say goodbye to him.

"I know you still have a lot more to teach me," she said softly, her smile broadening slightly as a look of fond remembrance crossed his face.

"Do you trust me?" he asked her seriously.

"I do."

"Then talk to me," he bid, "help me understand why you're doing this. I'm not your history teacher right now, not Riley's dad, or your future dad's best friend. I'm just me, Cory. The man you know you can always talk to about anything. So please, tell me."

"I'm tired," she admitted after a few seconds of silence. "I think I've been tired a long time now."

"Tired of what?"

"I'm tired of pretending, tired of constantly being tossed to and fro, tired of having people dictate my life. So I'm ending that."

"What do you mean?"

"What's the meaning of life sir?" she asked, looking at him expectantly.

He chuckled before answering, "People change people."

"And that change is supposed to be good right?" She waited until he nodded to press her point home. "So why is it that everyone thinks that me changing is a bad thing? Why does everyone want me to go back?"

"And by everyone you mean Riley," Cory deduced.

She nodded. "Riley's my world. You know that. She's been the most important person to be from the day one. There's no one's opinion I hold higher than hers. So how do you think it makes me feel when she says that she doesn't want who I am? That I'm not me and that she wants the old me back? She's the one who was happy when I found something to hope for. She was there when I realised that I didn't need to be angry all the time. She helped me choose the stupid clothes I had only to turn around and accuse me of dressing exactly like her, of wanting to be her."

"Maya, I-"

Maya continued on, interrupting him. "But you know what, even though it hurt, I decided to do what Riley wanted. Because Riley is my world and the one thing I have always sworn to do is protect her. I wanted her happy, and me being me apparently was bothering her, so I tried to fix it. I started to dress like my old self again, tried to not be so much of a goody-two shoes. And what happened then? She started accusing me of doing stuff I would never, ever do!"

"The money," Cory guessed.

"Exactly!" Maya said, her voice raising a bit. "I would never, ever, steal from anyone, far less you guys. And why would I jeopardise my mom's job like that? I was right there in the classroom with her, and yet she blamed me for that stupid fire alarm going off. And I wondered, is that who she sees me as, wants me to be? A borderline criminal she can save?

"I realised something that night, although I never told it to anyone. I can't go back to who I was. It's just not me anymore, and I am so glad it is not me. But I figured I could just pretend for Riley's sake, and even though it's hard to, I was okay with doing it."

"So what changed?"

Maya bit down on her lip, her mind flashing her back to that moment in the ski lodge. "It doesn't matter," she finally said.

"It matters to you," he pressed. "Maya, something changed, something big."

"Pretending to be who I was cost me Lucas," she finally admitted, her tone cracking midway through the sentence. She turned her head away, not wanting him to see the pain on her face.

"Oh Maya. This is why I didn't want us to go to that stupid ski lodge. Nothing good comes from it!"

Despite the turmoil that was once again rising, Maya chuckled at his fervent declaration, the bit of humour stabilising her enough so that she could meet his gaze once again. "I would agree with you," she said, "except that going there ended this triangle, and we all knew that that was necessary."

"You told Riley and Lucas to have each other," he said, "Riley mentioned it."

"Was she happy?"

"Yes," he admitted, "but she was also worried about you."

She shrugged again. "I figured she'd be too caught up in her joy to notice," she revealed.

"You're her number one priority Maya."

"And she's mine."

"But how does this cost you Lucas? The three of you have been pretty firm that no matter how this went down, there would be no hard feelings."

"I think we both know that would have been impossible," she said.

He rubbed at his neck but still nodded. "After Mr. Friar failed to keep his declaration of choosing neither of you, I knew this was bound to happen."

"They can't know I'm hurt," Maya warned him. "I backed out so they can be happy. It was my decision to."

"Prompted by what?" he inquired. "I know you as well as I know my daughter Maya, and you definitely had no plans of backing out before."

"Riley said that I started to become her somewhere around the time that Yearbook came out," Maya told him, drawing him back to the first part of their conversation. "And, that because she likes Lucas, I started to like him too."

"Ah ya, yai…" Cory muttered, but gestured for her to continue speaking.

"It's not that I believe her," she said quickly, before laughing when he breathed a sigh of relief. "But I'd admit it was around there that I started to really change you know. We got Harper for a teacher and I realised that not all classes sucked. I really started getting into Art and even becoming its defender, and I got hope. Me caring like that is very much Riley behaviour; Riley lives for meddling and fixing things, but me having things that are important to me doesn't make me her.

"But then the more she said it, the more I started to think. Lucas didn't start having feelings for me until around that time. It is possible that he developed feelings for the parts of me that reminded him of Riley and if that was the case then he really didn't want me for me. I fought against that for a while though; he had to like the bits of me that were unique right? The parts of me that wasn't changing because it didn't need to? I thought that.

"The game we played was our thing, has been from the moment I spotted him on the subway. We banter. I make fun of him, he makes fun of me. He lets me call him all those names and lets me sleep on him in class or doodle all over his notebooks because mines are already covered. He's hardly ever complained and then only when I was actually being mean to him. So I thought we were okay, and because of that I was fine with letting Riley have her way. I played up those parts of me because Lucas wouldn't be affected by it; he'd love it. Except, he wasn't, and he didn't. He stopped playing it right. It didn't feel as natural as it used to, but it wasn't like I could stop doing it. And then Saturday…Saturday…" Maya paused and took a deep breath before saying, "He said that he didn't like that about me. It's the one thing we shared that Riley has no impact on, and he doesn't like it. Maybe he never did? He only likes the part of me that's the same as Riley. So what does that leave me with huh? What am I supposed to do?

"If I want Lucas to like me I have to act like my true self, but that would leave Riley hurt because she doesn't want me like this. And if he was to choose me, would I have to pretend that that part of me that he doesn't like no longer exists? And is that fair to Riley when she has all that he likes and more whereas I would have to fake it? No. It isn't fair to her. And it isn't fair to him.

"So I chose this option sir. I chose to back out of the triangle so that Riley can have him and be happy and I've separated myself from them because the very thought of seeing them together kills me. And not just because of them being a couple, but because I don't know how to interact with them anymore without risking alienating one of them. This way I just have to worry about myself and they can be happy."

"But will you be happy Maya?" Cory asked, voice morose.

"Me being happy never leads to anything good," she said softly. "I forgot that for a while, and I'm paying for it now. I don't need to be happy sir."

"Oh Maya you are so wrong about that."

"I'm okay with that," she told him. "This way is better. Everyone will get that eventually."

"And you'll just survive alone until then? Are you really okay with that Maya?"

"I have no choice but to be."


	5. Chapter 5

"Still here Ms. Hart," Mr. Jackson noted, as he entered his classroom.

Maya eyed him guiltily, her fingers curling around her paint brush. "I can leave," she offered quickly. "I don't want to be a bother."

She had purposely dawdled after he had dismissed the class, so much so that he had just told her to close the door behind her before he had headed out. It was exactly what she had wanted, and, as soon as he had left, she had uncapped her paints once again and had reclaimed her former seat. She had not expected him to return during the lunch period, and had set a timer on her phone to give her sufficient time to clean up her area and leave before the bell rang. He wasn't supposed to know that she had spent her lunchtime in here, and now she just stared at him, hopeful that she wouldn't get in trouble for it. She knew that things worked differently in high school; she couldn't expect her new teacher to be as accommodating as Ms. Kossal had been.

"You're fine," he reassured her. "I figured that this was what you had been aiming for. You're not usually slow."

"I thought I was being crafty," she admitted.

He laughed. "You're not the first student I've come across who made this room their safe space," he explained. "You'll probably meet a few of them if you hang around actually."

"Safe space?" she repeated.

He moved from his desk, and started gathering excess supplies in his arms. "There are some areas in the school that particular students tend to gravitate towards. We make note of it and, as much as possible, make ourselves available. It's a compromise; students aren't supposed to be in classrooms unless they have class or an activity, but, we don't want to deny anyone security if that's what they're after."

"Security? Like people who get bullied?"

"Among other things," he responded, briefly glancing at her. "I spend the majority of my lunchtimes in here. You'll also always find a member of staff in the labs, gym, and music room."

Maya contemplated on that for a moment before asking, a bit tentatively. "And what do these students do there?"

"Whatever," he answered, still stacking and moving things. "Sometimes they just do their own things, sometimes we recruit them to help us out with stuff, and sometimes we just talk."

"You can probably add Mr. Matthews' history classroom to your list then," she told him.

"Oh yeah?" he asked. "I'll keep that in mind."

"You should."

They fell into a comfortable silence for a few minutes; he now gathering dirty brushes and other utensils before piling them into the sink. Maya's attention shifted between the painting she was working on and looking toward her teacher with a thoughtful expression, wondering if she should talk to him, except, she wasn't exactly sure how to. She could probably guess what his answers would be anyway, and if that was the case, did it really need to be verbalised?

The decision was made for her though when two students walked into the room, a guy and a girl. Maya didn't recognise either of them. They were of similar height, which of course meant that she would probably barely reach their chins if she stood in front of them. They had sandy brown hair, although the guy's hair had streaks of gold through it that she doubted was natural. The girl noticed her and, after a second offered her a small wave that Maya returned, even as the guy, with a broad grin said, "What do you have for us today Mr. J?"

"A sink full of things that need cleaning," he declared, waving a hand regally over the pile he had assembled.

"Had a freshmen class huh?" the teenager said, half walking, half skipping to him.

"They have yet to earn my trust with these things," he answered seriously and Maya's lips curved ever so slightly when the teacher shot her a look that almost bordered on mischievous.

"You're right to be careful," the guy said sagely. "Wouldn't want a repeat of the incident that must not be named with last year's freshmen."

"I'm pretty certain you were the instigator of that," the girl pointed out as she reached the sinks.

Maya chuckled at that, before ducking her head as the boy turned to look at her. Putting them out of her mind, she re-focussed on her original task. She had enough time to finish it if she actually paid attention, she knew, and so, she briefly closed her eyes and took a few deep, calming breaths before returning to her work.

As was the custom when she allowed herself to get lost in the messages her hand was trying to tell, Maya's mind drifted, blocking out the present in favour of whatever time and space her muse felt like taking her to. In this case, it took her right back to the lodge. She felt a bit restless as she envisioned the wide porch of the place, but the feeling faded as she allowed her mind to travel past that, to the clearing she and Josh had been in. Her hand painted delicate strokes as she focussed on what she had felt, the pain tempered by muted marvel at the fact that Josh had brought her out there and was concerned about her, the hint of joy that had penetrated the darkness at his suggestions, the fact that she now had his number, and had actually used it.

But then, just as that moment had ended, so did her bit of peace as her mind inevitably lurched forward to the blurry sight of Riley through the window, and with that, her strokes grew more violent, her dabs no longer graceful, but rather erratic as the emotions that she had spent the entire morning stamping down surfaced. She didn't even realise when she flipped her paint tray around and had started to overlay the clearing with darker, more macabre colours, but she couldn't stop, didn't want to, didn't think that she could, not until an unfamiliar voice penetrated the fog her mind was surrounded by.

"Damn, you're good!"

"Language William!"

She flinched, actually flinched at the voices that came from surprisingly close and she instinctively got off the stool, her eyes wide and panicked due to fright.

"Calm down Ms. Hart," Mr. Jackson said, his voice soothing. "You're fine; they didn't mean to scare you."

"Yeah," the girl said, looking at her apologetically. "You were off in your own world; we just wanted to see what you're working on."

"I-It's okay," Maya muttered, setting down her tools while trying to calm her racing heart. "I should have been paying attention."

"Nah, it's my bad," the teenager responded. "I know how deep you can go when you're feeling something. I should have respected that."

"You paint?" Maya asked, latching on to the conversation for now. Focusing on this would help calm the chaos she was feeling within. Briefly she made a note to ask Josh just how long she would feel this way before the emotions started to dull. She had hoped that it would have happened already, but this right here proved that they were as strong as ever.

"Paint, draw, sculpt," he told her with a bit of a grin. "I'm going to take over the art club next year, you just wait and see."

"You need to be a senior William," Mr. Jackson reminded him, and, from the man's tone, Maya guessed that this was not a new conversation topic for them.

"You keep telling yourself that sir," he retorted, "and I told you, I'm Liam this year!"

The man shook his head, and, after giving Maya a last, assessing glance, he headed back toward his desk.

"You're really good," he said, a bit more seriously now. "Why didn't you join the art club? Yo, Mr. J," he added a bit louder, "why didn't you recruit her?"

"Recruit?" she repeated.

"I told you to stop saying that," the other teenager said with a hint of exasperation. "It sounds cultish."

"We worship at the altar of the divine painter of chaos," he intoned, and Maya snorted in surprised amusement at that.

"Stop that!"

"You're supposed to respond with 'all hail the water paint' dummy," he shot back.

"You're taking that trip to hell solo."

"Half way there already baby," he said brightly, and this time Maya barely stifled a laugh. He was good, she decided, a bit impressed.

"Anyway blondie," Liam said, looking at her once more. "You got skills, skills I like. So I ask again, why aren't you in art?"

"I signed up for Nature Club," she explained, "I figured that would be enough. Anything else would take up too much time."

"You paint like that and decided to hug trees instead?" he scoffed.

She shrugged, and, turning her head toward the teacher desk she saw that Mr. Jackson was looking at them, perhaps intrigued by their conversation. "I like nature," she defended, "but I mostly joined so that all of my middle school friends and I would have one activity together."

"But it runs on a different day to art," the girl pointed out.

"And you're a freshie," Liam added. "Your personal life cannot be that riveting. Why don't you have the time?"

"Your life can't be that much better if you're spending it in here," she hit back.

"Says the one we met here."

Maya's brows rose at that, both at the truth of his words, and also because he was keeping pace, if not slightly outstripping her in terms of bantering. That was a rare occurrence in itself.

"Anything else would have cut even more into the time I could spend with Riley," she said then, ignoring the victorious expression on his face.

"Who's Riley?"

Maya paused, uncertain how to respond to that. Who was Riley to her exactly now? Was it fair to label someone as a best friend if you didn't really plan on ever speaking to them again?

"Riley is the one I told you guys about," Mr. Jackson offered, saving her. "The painter of the purple cats."

Maya's lips twitched slightly in amusement at the wry tone in the man's voice, even as her heart raced a bit at the mention of her. She had spotted her further ahead of her in between classes that morning, with Smackle beside her, undoubtedly filling in Maya's role of ensuring that she got to class safely since she still sported the ankle support.

"She'll never listen to you," Maya warned him.

"I figured that," he answered with a sigh. "Why she chose art as her elective is beyond me."

"That'll be my fault sir," she responded apologetically. "It gave us a next class together. I doubt she'll continue past the year."

The man's facial expression shifted briefly at that, and quickly she looked away.

"You know, talking about someone who we don't personally know and who isn't here is all fine and dandy," Liam drawled, "but I rather get an answer from blondie here before things get even more sappy and Em has to pull out her violin. You joining us or not?"

"You wanna try that again without the sass?" she snapped

"Oh you know you like the sass," he retorted, catching Maya off-guard.

"William," Mr. Jackson said, "This is not at all the right way to go about doing this."

"Well I ain't seeing you being persuasive sir. And it's Liam!"

"What's your deal?" Maya asked, looking toward the girl who was just shaking her head at the other teen's statement. "How'd you get saddled with that?"

"You calling me a that blondie?"

"I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to…Em?"

"Emily," she supplied. "And the that is my cousin."

"Ah," Maya said knowingly. "You're what saves him from getting stuffed into lockers huh?"

"It is honestly exhausting."

"Eh, you love me," he grumbled.

"You in the art club as well?"

"Not officially," she explained. "I just attend when photography is scheduled. I'm in the music club and in show choir. And, before you ask, it is not like the tv show."

"Awww, but I always wanted to meet a Santana," she protested.

"You can be her," Liam said, causing her to glare at him without any real heat this time, because hey, he sort of did have a point there. She did usually have attitude for days.

"Do you sing?"

"I can."

"Then you should audition," Emily she said excitedly. "We actually only have one freshman right now, and it'll be a problem in the long run if we don't continuously recruit underclassmen."

Maya eyed her sceptically, but said nothing. She recalled the performance the club had had in the auditorium a few weeks prior. They were good, she would give them that, but, given the level of choreography involved, Maya had no doubt that it would be a lot of work.

"It's a fun club," she went on. "There are competitions and events of course, but they are not mandatory."

"Hey, stop trying to steal her! She's going to join the art club. Aren't ya blondie? You can even be the in charge of it after I graduate."

"How kind," she drawled.

"Look, just because you sound like a dying walrus doesn't mean that I'm going to let you hog her. She definitely should join show choir."

"Don't I get a choice in this?" Maya said weakly, but her words were easily drowned out in the midst of the cousin's bickering.

She shot Mr. Jackson a pleading look but he only chuckled and gave her a thumbs up gesture before burying his head back into whatever he was doing at his desk. She was on her own to deal with them, she realised, but while a part of her was perturbed by what was happening, the greater part of her was simply amused by the absurdity of it all, and so, when they, in tandem turned and demanded that she just join both clubs, she couldn't help but toss her head back and laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.


	6. Chapter 6

Maya knew that she was being a bit ridiculous. Since when did she of all people primp her appearance in the bathroom after school? She never cared if she was a bit sweaty, or if her hair was askew after her playing with it throughout the day. This afternoon though was different. It had found her sniffing at her tee-shirt to ensure that she had indeed showered properly after gym and running her fingers through her hair in an effort to tame it, before finally giving up on that entirely and settling for a simple braid that she secured with a random rubber band that laid next to the sink.

She couldn't believe that she was doing this, she thought, even as she gave herself a final one over while wondering if maybe she should try to snag a bit of lip-gloss or something off whoever came in next. "No," she muttered, glaring at her reflection. That wasn't her. She didn't do glosses or make-up, not even when a raging pimple made its appearance in the centre of her forehead. She wasn't one of those girls, which begged her to wonder why she was even in the bathroom checking up on herself in the first place.

It was Emily's fault she ultimately decided, as she swung her recently acquired backpack onto her shoulder. After all, she had to carry her own books now, and, centring the weight, she marvelled at how Riley had done this willing for the past few years. The textbooks were heavy; she could scarcely imagine how scrawny Riley had carried two sets of them around for so long without complaint. She supposed that she was a lot stronger than she gave her credit for.

Somehow Maya had become the prize for the two cousins, and both, regardless of her interest or opinion, seemed determined to recruit her. She had been in the art room once again that lunchtime, pointedly ignoring Mr. Jackson's searching look when first Liam and then Emily had arrived. Liam had brought with him a program outline of what the club intended to do for the semester, and, Maya had honestly been impressed with it. It was more than just activities; they would actually be going into aspects of art history that was not covered on the curriculum. But, just as she had started to ask her questions, Emily had arrived with a medium built yet ridiculously tall senior in tow, demanding that he listen to Maya sing right there and then because she was certain that she was exactly what the group needed. The satisfied smirk she had shot Liam while the senior introduced himself had not been lost on her, but, the guy had been genuinely interested in her ability, led her through a bit of scales and then suggested that she come to the choir room after school for a genuine audition. And, with all of the room's occupants' eyes on her, Maya had no real choice but to accept the offer, and she had done so.

It was only now that she truly realised the weight of that decision. Why on earth had she put herself into this position, one that would find her standing in front of a bunch of students she didn't know who were there solely to judge her. She knew she had a decent voice, but she had never really focussed on it as a talent before. Singing was what she did spontaneously, and of course, to save the odd Arts programme here and there, but to sing like this, for the pleasure of others? That was a new thing to her, and she was not entirely sure if she was capable of doing it. Singing could be very personal…and Dylan, the senior, had asked for her to sing something meaningful to her. Was she capable of managing that?

She let out a frustrated sigh as she jogged up some stairs, wishing that she had a better idea of Josh's schedule. She would have liked nothing better than to talk to him a bit in the twenty or so minutes she had before she was needed in the choir room, but the last thing she wanted to do was be a nuisance to him. They were already scheduled for a phone call that night, she would just have to do as she always did until then, pull on her big-girl boots and get the thing done. It wasn't as if she had anyone else who could do it for her.

"Maya?"

Lost in her thoughts, the blonde didn't realise exactly what part of the school she was in until she heard Riley call to her. Her body reacted first, and, she had stopped and was facing the brunette long before her mind fully realised it. Riley was standing in the doorway to her father's classroom, holding on to doorframe with one hand to keep herself balanced correctly. It had not even occurred to Maya that Riley would have still been on the compound, but it made sense. It was Thursday; her father's day to supervise detention for sophomore students. Thursdays also meant that Farkle and Smackle were in at their weekly Chemistry club meeting, while Zay and Lucas had baseball practice after the latter had successfully negotiated a second try-out and had made it that time. Thursday had previously been Maya and Riley day, meaning that the two of them would have fun together until five thirty, which was usually the time the rest of them, if they weren't too tired, joined them at Topanga's. Without her, it meant that Riley had no one to spend the time with, and so, with her bum ankle, it had literally left her with no choice but to wait for her father to finish his duties.

"Hey Riles," Maya responded, the nickname coming easily to her even as within her, the knot in her stomach that formed whenever she thought of her and Lucas started to manifest itself. "How's your ankle?"

"I get the brace off tomorrow," Riley informed her, her tone equally guarded.

"No," Maya bid as Riley hopped closer to where she was. "You shouldn't-"

"Why did you switch classes?" Riley asked, interrupting her. "Farkle says you don't want to be around me, around Lucas. But that can't be true right? You wouldn't want to get away from me. Right Maya?"

"Riley…"

"Because we're friends Maya," Riley told her, "best friends. And if something is wrong we talk about it, even if that makes us mad at each other for a bit, because that's what best friends do. And that's what we are right? Best friends?"

"You know we are Riley," Maya said quietly, because that, she knew, was true. Even with the problems Riley had caused her, she still had not lost one ounce of the love she had for her.

"Then talk to me Maya," she bid. "We haven't spoken a word to each other since Saturday. You haven't been to my house since then, and you're not responding to my calls or messages. And I know you're not grounded because you were texting Farkle yesterday. You're speaking to him, so why aren't you speaking to me?"

Maya sincerely regretted that now. She had forced herself to be indifferent to the string of messages she got from Riley, and the fewer, yet considerably wordier ones Lucas had sent to her. She had read none of them, had seen only what was briefly previewed on her notification bar. But, when Farkle had messaged her, a short "Where are you? I'm worried." she had felt compelled to tell him that, yet again, she had no plans on joining them at Topanga's. He hadn't asked for any further explanation, choosing simply to remind her that he could help her with Algebra if she wanted, and had left it at that. Now, she realised, she would have been better off letting him stew for a while. Perhaps, it would have saved her from this.

"I don't have the time to deal with this now Riley," she said. "I have to be somewhere."

"You have to be here, with me," Riley retorted loudly, and a few curious looks were thrown their way by a couple of juniors who was passing.

"Not right now, I don't," she reiterated.

"Did I do sometime?"

Maya hesitated to response, honestly wondering if she should literally just run away from her; it was not like she could follow. That would be the less painful option, because Maya did not, could not, and would not lie to her. If she opened her mouth, if she told Riley the truth in any real way right now, even a tiny portion of it, her words would definitely push the sheen covering Riley's eyes into outright tears, and that would break her, both the sight of Riley crying, but also the knowledge that she was responsible for it. It wasn't supposed to happen like this; she had left Riley safely in Lucas' care and the cowboy should have thoroughly rid Riley of any concerns regarding her by now. It wasn't as if she were indispensable; her father had proven that to her years ago. Riley should have been happily parading about Riley Town with her prince by now. She shouldn't have been standing there, looking at her with such a broken hearted expression.

"Can we deal with this another time?" she hedged.

"Why? So you can do a better job of hiding from me?"

She knew her too well, Maya thought. "Riley, look, just relax okay? Everything will work out as it should. It already has."

"What is that supposed to mean?" she demanded. "Maya, tell me."

"I'm not going to," Maya shot back, letting her frustration bleed into her tone. Riley was like a dog with a bone, she just would not let it go until she had gotten every last ounce of meat off it, but Maya was definitely not going to just stand there and let herself be gnawed on.

Riley pursed her lips, a sure sign of agitation, before, with a smirk of triumph, lifted her hand. "I declare ring power," she announced. "Now answer me."

Maya's eyes widened in shock. She really had not expected Riley to invoke that, and, now that she had, the ring on her own finger felt considerably tighter. "Just let me go Riley," she bid.

"No. You can't not answer me," Riley reminded her, her voice rising and growing increasingly shaky. "You know the rules; we made them together. Ring power means you have to do it, and I called it. Tell me what's wrong!"

Maya's fists clenched, ad that vicious voice in her head, the one that laughed as ballerinas assaulted her in her dreams reminded her that this was why she didn't deserve happiness, why she shouldn't try to do anything that could benefit her. It never lasted, it never would. She had had fun with Emily and Liam the day before, had actually managed a conversation with Shane, her history partner while Mr. Matthews had been distracted, had even knocked Zay flat while playing dodgeball, and this was the reward for that. She was standing there in an empty corridor watching her best friend through a sheen of tears call upon the one thing that cemented the promises they had made to each other through the years, a thing that she would have to break if she wanted to have any chance of preserving the happiness of a girl who had scarcely experienced anything else in her life.

"Maya-"

"Leave me alone Riley," she snapped, her entire body now shaking. "You have everything you want now. Just leave me be."

"But-"

"Riley, if you care about me at all, just break the call and let me leave. Don't make me be the one who has to do it." Because, she knew, it would break her. She had already said her goodbye to Riley with that letter; she wouldn't survive if she had to do it again.

"I won't Maya," Riley said stubbornly. "I don't understand what's happening, but I won't. I want the truth."

Maya's breath hitched, and she silently cursed Riley's stubbornness. Because now the ball was in her court once again and she would have to do it, she would have to…

"Riley why are you shouting?" Lucas asked concerned, as he hurried down the steps. "I heard you from – Maya," he finished, his voice shocked as he looked at her.

The universe, Maya decided in that moment, absolutely hated her. She didn't know what she had done to piss it off, but, it had to have been completely devastating because now she was being made to watch as Lucas came up to Riley's side, still looking at her even as he wrapped his arm around Riley's waist. And, when her friend's head bent to lean on his shoulder, Maya had to reach up with a balled fist and all but jab at her eyes to prevent the tears from falling.

"What's going on?" he asked, looking from one girl to the next. "Maya, are you okay?"

"Fine," she ground out, taking a deep but shaky breath as she tried to force herself to regain her composure. "I was just leaving."

"No don't," Riley protested. "Lucas, she's breaking ring power. Stop her."

"That's sacred," Lucas said, surprised before training his eyes upon her. "Just what is going on with you Maya?"

"None of your business," she responded, noting that even to her own ears, her voice sounded stand-offish. Lucas' eyebrows raised, in the way she knew meant that he was shocked about whatever she was saying or doing, and not at all in a good way.

"I think it's my business when two of my friends are at odds with each other," he told her levelly. "Not to mention the fact that you're upset with me, and I don't even know why."

"Neither do I," Riley added.

"So how about this," he offered. "I don't need to be at practice right now. We can just go into Mr. Matthews' classroom and talk this thing through. We can figure out what's bothering you Maya, and what that letter you left for us is all about."

"No we're not," she snapped, her fragile hold on her feelings slipping with the mention of the letter. But, as she had long learnt about herself, Maya didn't do sadness well, at least not over a prolonged time period. And so, the days' worth of pain was morphing, goaded by the disappointed expression in his gaze and his slightly patronising tone, as if he thought she was acting out, like a child. "I'm leaving like I had planned to from the start."

"No you're not."

"Well it's not like you can stop me," she reminded him. "I'm the one who can't be contained, remember?"

He raised a single brow at her and his voice was annoyingly assured as he responded, "You're remembering wrong Maya. We both know that I can contain you as long as necessary."

His smirk at the end, and the memories he was evoking of a time when it was Riley and not her who had an identity crisis, an actual identity crisis, was too much for her. She couldn't even believe the irony of that, and, it raised her irritation level even further. "Yeah well you can keep telling yourself that cowboy," she all but snarled, startling them, "because I can and I will break you if you try."

"Maya," Riley intoned, shocked. "Don't talk to him like that! This isn't like you."

"Don't tell me what's like or not like me," she growled, glaring at her.

Riley recoiled, and her action was enough to temper Maya, because this was absolutely not what she had originally set out to do. She wasn't supposed to be hurting Riley.

"Do not talk to her like that," Lucas warned her, taking a protective step forward. "I won't let anyone hurt her, even if it's you Maya."

And there it was, Maya thought, even as she dismissed Riley's presence for now to focus solely on him. Lucas had done what her letter had intended him to; it was clear, they were a couple and Lucas was playing to role of protective knight exactly as he should. A minute part of her was glad for that, because it made what she intended to do now a lot easier to do. She was certain now more than ever that Riley was in capable hands. And, it was not as if she could have remained number one in her life forever. Shawn had been displaced from that position when Mr. Matthews had married his wife, and Lucas would have eventually done the same to her. She was only expediting the process. They would thank her someday.

"You don't scare me," she told him, her eyes blazing as she let her anger take full reign. "You have never scared me and you never will. You can't contain me, you can't tell me what to do and you can't stop me. I do what I want, when I want and how I want."

"Wow," Lucas breathed. "You're just gunning for it aren't you?"

"I don't need you," she continued, ignoring him, "and I don't need you," she added, glancing at an increasingly distraught Riley. "All I need is to be left the hell alone so I can be who I want to be, who I need to be for my sake and no one else. I'm tired of pretending, and I'm not going to do it anymore, and since it's obvious you can't deal with that, I'm gone."

"Maya you don't mean that," Riley said quickly, stepping in front of Lucas. "You need us."

"I have all I need."

"Don't go Maya," Lucas said as she turned, preparing to walk away. "We're not done talking."

"I am," she said, looking back. "You two can talk all you want, but I'm not listening."

"Is this about the triangle?" Lucas demanded. "Because you chose to do this Maya. You can't be angry with us because of what you did."

She laughed, she couldn't help it, although, to her own ears, the sound was slightly hysterical. "Oh you poor stupid cowboy," she said once she had regained a bit of composure, "this has gone way past that. And you don't even know why don't you? You know what? It doesn't matter anymore. None of this does, because I'm done. It's over. All of this is over."

"It isn't over," Lucas responded, "not like this Maya."

"Maya, please," Riley pleaded, tears slipping free finally, "Let's just talk."

"We done too much talking," Maya informed her, "far too much. And I'm tired of it. Tired of everything."

With those last words Maya started running, trusting that Lucas would stay with a crying Riley this time around rather than come after her. She was right, and perhaps it was that realisation that broke the damn within her. She didn't even notice when she passed Sarah, Darby and Yogi who had been at the far end of the corridor the entire time, looking at the unfolding debacle with varying degrees of horror, or when she nearly bowled over Shane who too had arrived at the tail end of her conversation and, after a moment, took off after her. She wouldn't notice his presence until she tripped over her feet and fell, the pain finally riding her of the last vestiges of control, leaving her crying on the floor, but she did notice and hung on numbly to him when he dropped down beside her, pulled her close to him and allowed her to sob in his arms.


	7. Chapter 7

Lucas never made it to practice that afternoon; he just couldn't bring himself to leave Riley in the state that she had been in. It wasn't as if he was in much better shape, and he knew that had he gone, the coach would have sent him to the showers within ten minutes. And so, he decided that getting yelled at for skipping practice was a lot more preferable than being shamed off the field.

They didn't really talk all too much though, neither of them were ready for that, and so the silence between them lingered until Mr. Matthews arrived. Lucas braced himself, expecting the man to start complaining about his presence, but, he supposed their facial expressions stopped him because, within seconds, his annoyed expression changed into concern.

"What happened?" he asked simply.

"Maya," Riley responded, her voice cracking on the girl's name.

"We got into a bit of a fight, sir," Lucas explained.

"A bit?" Riley repeated with a bit of an incredulous laugh. "She hates me."

"She doesn't," Lucas began, only to cut himself off, because while he didn't think that Maya hated them – he didn't believe she had the capacity to hate – she certainly resented the two of them right about now.

Under any other circumstances Lucas knew that he would have gone after her to resolve the matter right there and then. But, with Riley at his side, it had just not been feasible. Moreover, he acknowledged, it was not as if he had been in the best condition for anything that remotely resembled a reasonable conversation. Maya knew exactly what to do to get a reaction out of him, and she had successfully done so during their fight, drawing his temper to the surface in a way that had not happened in a very long while. That was Maya's strong point; she always seemed to know just how to make him loosen the reigns of his control, and unfortunately now, that was no longer a good thing.

"Let's get out of here," Riley said, rising. "We can talk somewhere else."

"At your house?" Lucas asked, ignoring her father's harrumph. "We could tell the others to meet us there instead."

"No," she answered, after a moment's thought. "Let's just go to the bakery like usual."

It wasn't until they were in her father's car that Lucas realised why Riley still wanted to go to Topanga's. A conversation at her house would entail the bay window, and, no matter how amusing Lucas found her and Maya' attachment to the area, he could accept how meaningful it was for the both of them. Riley did not want to besmirch the area with this, and he could appreciate and respect that desire. That left them alone in their usual area, with a promise from Mr. Matthews to return for Riley in two hours.

"She hates me," Riley said again. "Lucas, she hates me."

"Something is happening with Maya right now," he reasoned, "something that's making her lash out like this."

"Whatever it is, it has to do with me," Riley responded, glancing at him, "has to do with us, maybe. But I think it's mostly me."

Lucas accepted that as the truth, because the pair had been fighting before he had gotten there; Maya had just diverted her attention to him when he had arrived. "Have the two of you ever fought like this before?"

"No, never. Lucas, what you saw with us last year was the worst fight we've ever had. And that can't even start to compare with this. She broke ring power."

Lucas watched as she absentmindedly started to finger the ring. There was nothing he could possibly say that would offer her any comfort in that respect, and there was no point in him even trying. Instead, he focussed on trying to rationalise the situation. "It could be that she's upset about us. I told you that that letter didn't sound right Riley. We should have spoken to her about it then."

"It's not like she gave us a chance," Riley defended.

"Do you still have it?" he asked.

She nodded, and bent to retrieve a multi-patterned folder from her bag. She retrieved the wrinkled letter and offered it to him.

Carefully he opened it, this time analysing more than the words on it. The ink had bled in some places, something that could be ignored as carelessness on Maya's part. She could have put the letter onto a damp surface…except the ruined ink was not isolated to a single area. Instead it had a random pattern, and in one spot in particular it smeared out as if a hand had been hurriedly passed over it. There was one other thing that Lucas could think of that would result in such a pattern, and his stomach churned unhappily at the thought of Maya struggling to keep her feelings intact while she wrote.

Keeping that in mind, he read the letter aloud, intoning it with how he believed she would if she were actually speaking. "Riley," he read, "I kept telling you that this needed to end but you wouldn't listen. I knew why you didn't want it to, and I was okay with that then, but I'm not anymore. You wouldn't let this end, but I can't deal. It's over. I choose me. I choose me so that he doesn't have to. You can tell him that for me. I've made the choice for him, for us. Congratulations Riley. You have a boyfriend now, the prince you always wanted. I hope you're happy. Maya."

"It sounds much worse when you read it like that," Riley said softly. "I didn't even realise…I thought she saw the truth and just wanted us to be happy."

"What does she mean by you not wanting this to end Riley?" he inquired.

She shrugged. "I don't know," she admitted honestly. "I didn't even really pay attention to that part before. I just…I was just happy that it was over. I didn't even stop to think…is that why she's mad at me? Is she mad that I let her end it this way?"

"Maybe?" he offered. "But it's like I told her. She made the decision, so why would she be angry now? Think about it Riley. If you had told Maya and me to be together, would you be upset if we listened?"

Riley contemplated his premise for a moment, her mind unwittingly drawing her back to her time in Texas. Her heart clenched as she recalled the turmoil she had felt even as she had pushed Lucas onto Maya, how hard it really had been for her to focus on her ice cream with Farkle while her mind kept wondering what was happening with them at the campfire, and later on, how wrong it felt to have Charlie try to snake his arm around her shoulders in the movie theatre. Yes, she knew the answer to that. She had been in that position, and it had been terrible.

Except, Maya didn't really like Lucas, she rationalised, at least not like she had. They had decided upon that; Maya's feelings for Lucas had stemmed from her emulation of her best friend. They had not been real feelings, not like hers had been. "No," she said finally. "I wouldn't be upset; I would be happy to see things working out."

"And yet she isn't," Lucas responded. "She's far from it."

Riley sucked at her lip for a moment. "We need more information," she told him, before leaning forward to see past him. "Mrs. Hart?" Riley called out, "Do you have a minute?"

"Sure Riley," the woman answered, and, leaving the register, came to where they were. She sat in an armchair, crossing her legs gracefully. "What can I help you two with?"

"You realise Maya's not with us?"

"I did notice that," she answered. "I've also noticed that she's leaving home later in the mornings now, and that she's actually coming home for dinner."

"She's avoiding us ma'am," Lucas told her sadly, "and we're trying to figure out why."

"Do you know?" Riley asked, leaning a bit toward her. "Please tell us. We had a fight this afternoon, a big one. Lucas and I want to fix this, even if she doesn't want to, but we don't know what is wrong."

"There's not much I can tell you," she told them, her tone slightly apologetic. "What I do know is that I sent a happy little girl off for a weekend of fun with her friends and she came back asking me to help her switch her classes around."

"Why did you let her?"

"Because you try telling Maya no when she's got her mind fixed on something," she answered. "All I really know is that something big happened with the three of you. I didn't press further. Just knowing that she and you had a major falling out Riley was enough to let me let her have her way."

"Why?" Riley asked. "You can't possible agree with this."

"I don't."

"Then why ma'am?"

"Let me explain something to the two of you," she said. "People have said so many things about me over the years, and a lot of it has got to do with how I raised Maya. It wasn't a perfect situation, but there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it at the time. Circumstances left her out and about on the streets from young, maybe too young. She was always at subway stations, in parks, museums, anywhere that would let her in. It worried me, worried me a lot not knowing where she was, but it was better than her being home alone in a crummy old apartment chock full of memories.

"I knew that it wasn't all good, that she was getting experiences that no little girl should have, but I couldn't stop that. Sometimes she would be out the door before I had even gotten home from an early morning shift, and there were times I'd be asleep before she came back. But I don't regret letting her roam like that for one minute, because, after a few weeks she started coming home talking about this weird little girl who was way too happy and insisted on calling her Peaches. I started to hear more about her and her family to the point that I realised that Maya was seeing her every day. Mind you I didn't find out for a few months that she was actually coming to your house, but even then I couldn't care, because if I came home and she wasn't there, I at least knew now where she would be.

"Maya loves me, she always has, but Shawn was right. I did us both wrong by protecting Kermit. She hated me for chasing her daddy away, and sometimes when it got to be too much she would leave. But I would never worry, no matter how late it got before she turned up, or even when parents I hadn't even met called to ask if she could sleep over. Do you know why I never worried Riley?"

"Because you knew where she would be," Riley answered after a moment. "She'd be with me."

Katy nodded, before looking at Lucas. "You asked me why I would let her do this if I didn't agree with it Lucas. Now tell me, what was I supposed to do? Why would I tell her no when I had no idea where she would go if she decided to storm off?"

Lucas didn't have an answer to that. He just swallowed deeply and looked away.

"I'm not her safe space anymore," Riley said softly.

"Not right now," Katy confirmed. "I'm not saying that this is any of your fault. I won't place any blame since I don't have the full picture. But, what I will say is that if you haven't figured out what's wrong after nearly a week, sitting here like this isn't going to bring anymore clarity. Something happened at that lodge, and that's the answer you need to find. She wasn't with you, but knowing my baby girl I truly doubt she spent a day all on her own. If you can find out who she was with, learn what she talked to them about, maybe you guys can figure this out. That's the best advice I can give you."

*

"So what do we know?" Zay asked around a mouthful of peanuts. "Well other than the fact that you two done gone and pissed her off."

Lucas glared at Zay for his wording. "Are we sure it's just the two of us?" he asked.

"Oh it's just the two of you Lucas," Zay confirmed. "She's talking to me perfectly fine."

"The same goes for us," Smackle added. "She talked to Farkle and I normally in class today."

"So it is the two of you," Farkle said decisively, scribbling it down on a page.

"Where was she the rest of the time?" Lucas asked, drawing upon what Maya's mother had said. "We went on that first hike together, and she was on the bus coming back here. She wasn't with us in between, but I really don't remember anything out of the way happening."

"She didn't eat with us at dinner," Smackle recalled. "If we consider that as an anomaly we've got a relative timeframe to work with."

"Oh yeah." Zay said, smacking his knee. "I ate with her. She was at the table all by her lonesome so I left y'all at the bay window."

"Was she acting differently Zay?" Riley asked him. "Did she seem upset?"

"She didn't talk much," he offered with a small shrug, "but she did laugh at my jokes so it didn't bother me."

"I should have noticed something was wrong from then," Riley lamented. "Why didn't I notice?"

"It wasn't all that strange then," Farkle said consolingly. "It was a tight fit for the five of us. She could have just decided it wasn't worth the hassle to squeeze herself in."

"We're talking about Maya here," Lucas reminded him. "She'd have faster kicked us all out so she could be with Riley rather than have sat by herself."

They were all silent, acknowledging the truth of his words.

"You spoke to Maya last Zay," Riley said, "and if you came back to us, she either went directly to the room, or else she was with other people. Who was sitting near you guys? She could have gone off with them."

"I wasn't paying attention," he answered apologetically.

"Are we completely dismissing pretty face telling us that she was sick?" Smackle asked then. "That could explain it all away."

"Riley's uncle," Farkle pointedly corrected, "doesn't know Maya that well. I doubt he would have known if she was lying to him."

"Except for the fact that Maya has no chill around him," Riley stated. "She can't lie to him."

"Which leaves us with two hypotheses," Smackle declared. "The first is that pretty face was right and Maya was unwell the entire time."

"Except that wouldn't account for her being angry with us now," Lucas pointed out. "It doesn't correlate."

"Unless we factor in you two becoming a couple," Zay threw in.

"She told us to," Riley reminded him with a hint of frustration.

"With a letter sugar," he shot back. "She couldn't even say it to your faces."

"Zay," Lucas warned as Riley's expression darkened.

"Just pointing out the facts here," he retorted, raising his hand in a placating gesture.

"Factoring that in just makes it seem even more illogical," Farkle interjected quietly. "It doesn't follow. Maya being sick doesn't make for a sensible transition into her deciding to back out and then becoming angry with you. Smackle, what's your second hypothesis?"

"Uncle Pretty Face was being untruthful," she said simply.

Lucas' eyebrow arched at that.

"Uncle Josh would never lie to me," Riley rebutted, "especially not about Maya."

"Not unless he was trying to protect her," Farkle reasoned.

"What?"

"That does make some sense," Lucas mused. "I mean he volunteered pretty quickly to talk to her on the bus, and they were up there a long time. Maybe he knew something was wrong and spoke to her about it"

"Maya likes him," Riley reminded them, "she's always liked him. Of course she'd talked to him. But he wouldn't keep something that important from me."

"Maybe he cares enough about her to," Farkle said. Riley clenched her jaw at that, but she didn't argue. "Whether your uncle lied or didn't lie isn't the issue here Riley. What matters is that we know he spoke to her so he knows something. Unless anybody can remember someone else she interacted with, I think you need to talk to him."

"You can ask your parents as well," Smackle added. "They and your uncle were our chaperones. It was their job to keep us all accounted for. They should be able to tell you something."

"Daddy wouldn't tell me anything when I asked about Maya on Tuesday," Riley admitted.

"Your dad probably was hoping you guys would work it out yourselves," Lucas told her. "If you try again he may answer this time."

"It's the best shot you've got Riley," Farkle added. "I don't think you should approach Maya again until you've gotten more of this figured out."

"We've been trying to figure this out all afternoon," she reminded him, "and all we have are a lot more questions. I don't want to run about playing detective. I just want Maya back."

"We both do," Lucas told her softly, "and that is why we have to do this Riley. I know it's not easy, but we've got to try."

Riley met his gaze for a long moment before she nodded and dug her phone out of her pocket. "Let's start with Uncle Josh," she grumbled, "but I think this is pointless."


	8. Chapter 8

Maya sighed deeply as she pulled a pillow to her chest to hug. She was on the floor in her bedroom, lights off, allowing the numerous illuminated business signs around her apartment building to cast their glow throughout her room. Her mother still occasionally offered to get her curtains thick enough to prevent the light from penetrating when closed, but, after so many years of having it, Maya doubted that she could manage without them. They were her version of Riley's nightlight, and watching the shadows play on her walls was oddly soothing. She had spent many an hour lying on her bed or floor just looking at the shapes of the shadows, creating fantasies surrounding them to amuse herself until the morning dawned.

That was impossible to do right now.

She couldn't believe the mess her afternoon had become. She had cried in the arms of a stranger, something that caused her cheeks to burn even now, hours after the fact. A part of her had expected it to be Farkle who had been holding her, hell, even Zay. Instead, it was Shane, a guy she scarcely knew who now had the dubious honour of having seen her sob brokenheartedly. Although he had been kind to her in the aftermath, Maya still wondered if he would use it against her. She didn't know enough of about him to know if his concern had been genuine, that he had been sincere when he had dug into his pocket for something he could use to wipe at the tears on her face. She had just stared at him dumbfounded, uncertain how to interpret his presence and his actions. He had even gone to fetch her a bottle of water while she had dusted off her clothing and reclaimed her bag, and, had walked with her to the choir room.

It hadn't really registered to her until they had gotten there that she had not told him that she was supposed to have been in there. He had offered her a rueful smile at that point, before admitting that he was Dylan's – the senior captain of the team – younger brother, making him the lone freshman Emily had been referring to. His brother had tried to drill him for information the night before, but there had been little Shane could have told him since he didn't really know her, something, he had promised her, he planned to rectify. Even now she didn't really put much stock in his words. She had greater issues to deal with than a potentially reputation ruining guy with hazel eyes who may or may not have been flirting with her.

She grimaced as she wondered just how many people had passed by during her confrontation with them, and afterwards when she had been there in the corridor crying. What if word got back to them? She would never ever live it down, nor would she ever be able to look the Texan native in the eye again. She couldn't let him know how much he affected her, not anymore. And what of the rest of their friend group? She had not even factored them into the equation when she had decided to separate from Riley and Lucas. She couldn't deny that things had been awkward in the classes she had shared with them. There was a giant elephant in the room that they were all skirting around, and she knew that that had to end one way or the other soon.

That left her with a next, unforeseen issue, one that had her sighing once again before tightening her grip on her pillow even further. If she didn't do something, they would feel compelled to choose, to take a side. It would be inevitable, even if they fought against it at first. And that couldn't happen; she couldn't let them suffer because of her. She knew that if it came down to it, Zay would choose Lucas, his childhood friend, in a heartbeat, and she couldn't fault him for that. If she were in his position, it would not even have been a question to consider. Farkle though… She groaned. Farkle would be devastated; she could already see him freaking out after realising that this time, he had no choice but to choose. That wasn't fair to her little nerd, the one who had always loved her and Riley equally even though they still occasionally took him for granted. Inevitably, she would have to find a way to steer him into choosing Riley, and once he did, Smackle would go with him.

She would have to be alone; it was the only way to save their group in its entirety. Either they all stayed with Riley or they would all be torn apart, much like those first few days of high school. Except, this time, there would be no Riley and Maya to put things back as they should be. And, if the choice came down to her having to stay by herself or her having to watch their core group fragment because of her, she would remain solo in a heartbeat.

Her phone had been painfully silent over the past few hours. She knew why. They were at Topanga's, trying their best to comfort Riley while planning a way forward. Not that they would find any. She never backed down from her decisions, and her heart was set on this. They should have listened to her. She had told them that nothing good came out of change, but still they had tried to convince her otherwise. They had made those promises to be together forever in Riley's bay window, and she, stupidly, had allowed herself to believe, to be comforted into accepting their word as the truth and to hope that nothing would change. She released a dismal chuckle at that. Everything was crashing and burning around her, and now rather than being able to just accept it and move forward with her usual indifference, she was suffering, suffering because she had dared to put her hope in other people. When would she learn? The only one she could trust to have her back was herself. Riley had offered her a safe respite for all the years they had been friends, but Maya would be a liar if she denied the fact that a part of her had always just sat there waiting for it to all go south.

And now, unfortunately, it had.

*

She wasn't quite sure how long she spent there, just staring forward blankly as she allowed the weight of her last thought to settle in. It might have been minutes, or perhaps even an hour. However, she was jarred forcibly out of her contemplative mood when her phone started ringing loudly, the defiant voice of Avril Lavigne interrupting the quiet of her room. Her fingers shook as she grabbed the phone, her eyes widening as she saw the name. She had forgotten that he was supposed to call her, but that didn't matter now. Hopefully Josh could help her ease what she was feeling, much like he had the last time they had talked.

"Josh," she said, his name erupting from her like a sort of prayer. "Hi."

"Are you okay?" he asked, ignoring her greeting completely.

She could hear the worry in his voice, and she doubted very well that she could have conveyed her mood to him with the simple two words she had uttered. That meant that somehow, no matter how impossible it was to contemplate, Josh knew about what had happened. "Riley told you," she guessed, her voice slightly hollow. "What did she say?"

"She caught me a few minutes before my lecture," he answered, although his voice had an edge of impatience to it. "Now tell me, how are you doing Maya?"

It was a simple question, one that she had been asked countless times before, and one that she always answered the same. She was okay. She was always okay, because to be otherwise would invite for the questioner to delve beneath the surface of her being, and that was something she could tolerate only a few people doing it. But, Josh was now one of those persons.

"It hurts so much Josh," she admitted, her voice shaking. "I didn't think letting them go would be so hard."

Josh let out a deep haggard breath. "Why are you doing this Maya?" he asked. "You do realise you're causing yourself even more pain?"

She laughed at that, a desperate sound. "When am I not ever in some sort of pain?" she half-whispered, although with the quietness around her, it easily carried across the line to him. "This is a different sort, a harder one to deal with, but this is right. I have to do this."

"How could this possibly be right?" he half-demanded. "Maya, you got into a fight with them, a huge one if I'm to take Riley's word on it. And I know you enough to know that you just didn't stalk off on them, not after what you went through last week. Which is why I don't understand why you're doing this Maya. You told me you needed space from them until you could handle things. Yet now you're trying to distance yourself from them permanently?"

"It's better this way," she protested, her voice slightly defensive. She felt horrible enough already. She didn't need Josh criticising her decisions and interjecting insecurities into her mind. She needed to be firm in this. "I know Riley's your niece and I'm sorry I hurt her, but she'll get over this."

"This isn't about Riley being my niece," he corrected, "not right now. This is about your self-destructive behaviour. How can you even think about giving up on your friendship with Riley, Maya? It's good for you; I've always known that. Everyone knows that. I can't believe you're going to let a guy ruin that."

"What's my alternative?" she asked, desperate. "Pretend every day when I'm with them that I'm perfectly fine with them making googly eyes at each other? Sitting there with a big smile on my face as I drill Riley for details of her dates with him that I don't want to hear? Hell, I'll probably be the one to have to help her choose her outfits. How can I do that Josh? How can I help send my best friend further into the arms of the guy I like? That will kill me a lot faster than me just ending things with Riley."

Josh was silent for a while, undoubtedly mulling over her words. Maya sniffed and reached up to wipe at her nose, glad that she wasn't blubbering for a second time today.

"Do you really think that Riley is going to let you go?" he finally asked. "Because she seemed pretty damn determined to solve this when she called me earlier."

"What did she want anyway?" Maya asked. "She would have had the others to complain to about my behaviour. She wouldn't have run to you with that."

"She wanted to find out if I had any possible idea about why you hate her."

"I don't hate her."

"What else do you expect her to think Maya," Josh demanded, exasperatedly. "God, I want to give you a good shake right about now."

"Well I'm sorry I'm being childish," Maya grated out. "Why don't you go find one of your mature college friends to talk to instead of me?"

"Don't even try that with me Maya," Josh retorted immediately, his tone suddenly stern. "You've pushed enough people away today. I am not going to let you do that to me too, so can the attitude."

Surprised by his words – he had never spoken to her like that before – Maya indeed fell silent and closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. She hadn't even realised what she had been doing.

"Sorry," she said eventually.

"It's fine," he returned immediately, his voice normal. "I know you've had a rough day, but Maya, you're not making this any easier for you. Yelling at Riley and Lucas, running away, changing your classes… This is not at all the solution to your problems. I don't even know where you've got the idea that leaving solves anything, but it doesn't, and right now you're just making yourself and a whole lot of people miserable. And no," he added, just when she made to speak, "I'm not saying this is your fault, but you definitely are not contributing to solving it."

"Well if I'm wrong then just tell me what to do," Maya requested tiredly, flopping backwards so that she was now fully laying on the floor, "because I don't know what else I can do to stop this. I don't want Riley to be hurt. Lucas was supposed to distract her from me; he's apparently not doing a good job of that."

"I would be worried about her nature if Friar did manage to do that," Josh responded. "And the answer to your question Maya is communication. For a friendship to work, hell for any relationship to work, you have to be willing to communicate."

"I can't talk to her about this Josh," Maya reminded him tiredly, "not without hurting her."

"Then maybe she needs to be hurt," Josh said simply.

"What kind of uncle are you?" she demanded, and he snorted at her reaction.

"The kind," he explained, "who wants my niece to understand that life isn't always a walk in the park. She can't always have things handed to her on a silver platter, at least not without realising that there are consequences resulting from that. I'm not going to pretend like you two working things out will solve your dilemma Maya. The two of you may still decide to walk away from each other. But what I am saying is that you need to communicate with her. You talk, she listens. She talks, you listen. Rinse and repeat until you've come to some sort of consensus that works best for the two of you."

"And will that work with Lucas too?" she asked, rolling onto her side.

"I can't help you there, ferret," he admitted. "Although from what Riley says, he doesn't have a clue. None of them do."

"You didn't tell them?" she inquired, a bit surprised.

"I didn't," he confirmed. "I kept your secrets Maya. I just hope I don't end up regretting do so."

"Thank you Josh."

"They could still find out from someone else," he warned her. "I told you, a lot of people heard what he said, even if you friends didn't pay attention to it."

"I know, but still, thank you for protecting me."

"Hey, someone has to," he told her softly, and, despite herself, Maya smiled, taking comfort in the fact that he was looking out for her, that she had someone firmly in her court.

"I'll think about what you said," she murmured.

"Please do. I want what's best for you Maya. I'm sorry if I came across as harsh a few times earlier."

"It's okay," she reassured him. "I needed it."

"I'll make it up to you anyway," he promised her. "I want you to be happy Maya; please believe that."

"I do," she told him sincerely, "it's one of the few things I'm sure about right now Josh. And I appreciate it very much."

*

Long after they had ended their call, Maya had laid there, mulling over his words, her beliefs, and the situation in its entirety. She knew that he had had some good points; what she was doing really was hurting her. But, as she kept arguing, this was a lot better than the alternative, and, it wasn't as if nothing good had come out of her decision so far. Eventually, exhausted, she had managed to catch some sleep, promising herself to dwell more on it in the morning. And yet, come the morning, she found herself unable to decide upon anything, couldn't even think of how she could go about altering the path she had set herself on, especially since a part of her still believed it right.

And so, it was yet another day of her arriving to her shared classes with seconds to spare and being the first out of the door when the bell rang. Mr. Jackson hadn't even commented on her arrival for another day; without a word, he had pointed to his sinks and she had rolled up her sleeves and went about helping him, Emily and Liam. She felt both Mr. Matthews and Shane's gaze on her throughout History, but thankfully neither tried to talk to her, and afterwards, she had fled the school after a quick trip to her locker before holing herself up in her room, determined to make sense of the homework she had to do without help.

Locked in a struggle for victory against a particularly stubborn equation, Maya didn't even realise that she had absentmindedly called out for her mother to come in when a knock came from her bedroom door. If she had paid it a little more mind, she would have found it strange. Her mother rarely knocked – her mother wasn't even supposed to be home this early. Resultantly, when Maya finally lifted her head to wonder why she wasn't speaking, the pen fell out of her hand when she saw who was standing in her doorway, a stubbornly determined expression on her face.

Riley.


	9. Chapter 9

Maya felt a chill run down her spine as she acknowledged that no, her mind was not paying tricks on her. Riley was indeed standing in her doorway, her fists clenched at her sides. She didn't know how to process this, didn't want to, because she knew that look. That was the look Riley always bore when she was prepared to move mountains to get whatever it was that she wanted, and right now, the full force of it was directly solely toward her. Maya wasn't prepared to deal with that. Once again Riley had caught her off-guard, and this time in her own bedroom. There was nowhere she could go to escape the conversation she knew the brunette wanted to have, and that terrified her. She wasn't ready and, her first instinct told her to lash out at her, to yell at her for breaking and entering (no matter how hypocritical that would be) and to chase her out. And, she almost did that, except, just as she opened her mouth to start, she heard Josh's voice in her mind, reminding her that this was what needed to happen, even if it was no longer being done on her terms.

He was right; they needed to communicate.

"Riley," she said finally, as she closed her pen, and, in one graceful move, rose to her feet. "I see you got the boot off. Wanna tell me how you got in here?"

"Your mom told me where the spare key was," she answered. "She didn't think you would have let me in if I knocked."

Well her mother wouldn't have been too far off with that, Maya acknowledged as she dropped down onto her bed, tucking one foot under her. Maya didn't even think she would have opened the door once she had realised who it was standing out there.

"We need to talk Maya," Riley told her, voice determined as she stepped fully into the room, the door creaking close behind her.

"We do."

"And I mean talk Maya," Riley added firmly, wagging her finger at her in a way that had Maya's eyebrows raising slightly. "You're not going to yell at me this time, and I'm not going to leave until we've sorted this thing out."

"Well if that's the attitude you're going to have I hope you brought enough food for a month."

Riley huffed slightly, but dropped her hand back to her side. "I just want you to know that I'm being serious Maya. It's been a week. We've never fought this long."

"This hasn't exactly been a fight Riley," Maya pointed out, mostly for the sake of argument because she truly wasn't ready to get into the true matter at hand. "Well, I suppose yesterday was, but the rest was just me needing space."

"Space from me and Lucas," Riley amended, with a frown. Maya nodded her acceptance of that. "You're angry with us, angry with me."

"I thought we established that I'm always angry, Riley?" Maya couldn't help but ask. "Why should it be a problem if I'm directing it your way now?"

Riley bit at her lip, before saying, "You're never angry with me though."

"And yet I am," she finished. "So what does that tell you?"

"That you think that I did something wrong," Riley answered, her voice a bit quieter now. "And yet no-one will tell me what that is." Maya heard the frustration in her voice, but didn't bother to say anything. As she expected, Riley continued to speak. "Lucas wanted to come too you know. All of them wanted to come actually, but I figured it would be better if the two of us talked first, because what I do know Maya is that whatever this is, it has to do with us. We need to fix this so that-"

"Still trying to fix everything," Maya interjected. "Do I need more fixing?"

Riley didn't pick up on the sarcastic edge to her tone. Instead, she walked to the only chair in Maya's room, a salvaged one decorated with a quilt Maya's mother had sewn during a random fit of domesticity a few years ago, and dropped heavily down into it. "I thought we solved everything," she said, giving her a searching look. "You're back to being you. But you don't do this. You don't just wake up and decide to stop being friends with me. I'm the most important person in your life; you would never leave me."

"It's because you're the most important person that I need to leave you," Maya responded, her voice lowering slightly as she said it.

"I don't understand Maya," Riley said then. "Tell me what's going on so we can fix this."

"And what happens if it can't be fixed Riley?" Maya shot back. "What if there is nothing to fix? What if this was inevitable?"

"Because of Lucas and I?" she asked. "Is this really because of that?"

Maya shook her head. "This isn't about him Riley."

"But you're angry with him too," she argued.

Maya paused, considering it. She wasn't angry with the Texan or by what he had said to her. Hurt, yes. But angry? She didn't think so. "I'm not," she responded carefully, trying to figure out how best she could explain herself. "I'm angry with you. Let's leave him and the triangle out of this."

"But-"

"Drop it Riley," Maya said firmly. She wasn't willing to talk about that at all, not now, not ever, no matter how much Riley wanted to. Maya had wanted to talk about it for months, had wanted a decision to be made since the summer before high school had begun. She hadn't enjoyed playing the role of Lucas' other girlfriend, but Riley had resisted every effort she had made to address that. But now she refused to entertain the topic, and if that meant that Riley had to sit there trying to glare her into submission, then that was just the price she had to pay.

"Fine," Riley finally said with a huff, relenting in the face of Maya's indifferent expression, "tell me why you're angry with me."

"Tell me why you think I'm angry with you," Maya rebutted calmly.

"Well I thought it had to do with the thing I'm not supposed to talk about," Riley said, with a bit of sass, causing Maya to roll her eyes, "so if it's not about that then I don't know Maya."

Maya bit at her lip, her habit when she was considering something. There was honesty in Riley's tone. She truly had no idea what it was that she had done, or, rather, she didn't see an issue with it. It was all justified in her mind, and Maya realised in that moment that Josh was right. Perhaps she was doing Riley a disservice by protecting her from feeling pain. She let out the breath she was holding, and straightened, meeting Riley's gaze levelly.

"I was never you Riley," she said simply. "There was nothing that needed fixing, and I'm angry because you thought that I wasn't good enough just being me."

Maya watched as confusion crossed Riley's face before she settled back into her stubborn expression. "You weren't being you. You changed Maya, you can't deny that."

"I'm not denying that," she responded, "but I didn't change into you."

"You did."

"Riley!" Maya snapped. "We dealt with this back when that stupid eight grade yearbook came out. You just can't change into somebody else, no matter how much you try. We decided that Farkle was Farkle and that you were you. So why can't you accept that I am me?"

"Because you've been acting differently Maya."

The blonde teenager raised a stilling hand before Riley could start rehashing the list of things. She knew it by heart; she didn't need to hear it again. "Is it such a bad thing for me to change?" she asked. "Wasn't that something you wanted?"

"When did I want you to change?"

Maya's brows lifted at that in surprise. "When you wanted me to have hope? To believe in something? To fight for something?"

"That's different," Riley responded, although Maya heard the slightest hint of uncertainty. "I just wanted you to be happy. You needed that to be happy."

"And if I'm happy," Maya reasoned, "isn't it obvious that I would start to act differently about some things?"

Riley frowned as she considered it. Maya was patient though, and waited until Riley looked up at her again. "You being happy is a good thing," she told her, "but it's not right when you're not being who you are supposed to me."

Maya's hands lifted in exasperation. A dog with a bone, she thought darkly. Riley just refused to accept that she was wrong about something; she always had to try to twist it in a way to prove her case. However, Maya acknowledged, she had a bit of blame to take for that; she was the one who had always stood by Riley's side, no matter how right or wrong she was about something. It seemed as if that was royally backfiring on her right about now.

"Riley, you cannot have it both ways," she told her. "I'm either miserable Maya, the girl with no hope and a whole lotta anger, or I'm me…just slightly more hopeful?" Maya internally winced at the questioning lilt her voice had taken at the end of the statement, but, that was not a thought she wanted to dwell too much upon right about now. She wasn't lying to Riley, she knew who she was, even if she wasn't one hundred percent certain this was who she wanted to be.

"I don't want you to be miserable," Riley answered. "I just want you to be Maya, the true Maya."

"And who is that Maya, Riley?" she asked. "Because right now I'm starting to think that this isn't about who I am as much as it's about who you need me to be."

Riley stared at her for a long moment. "I-I don't understand."

Maya's cheeks puffed as she exhaled. "You want to know why I'm angry? I'm angry because you spent weeks, weeks Riley trying to fix me when I wasn't even broken. I was never broken. But you kept nagging and nagging and pointing out all the stuff that you thought was wrong about me and I got fed up with it and just decided to let you have your way.

"And that's when I realised how you really see me Riley. I'm just a fixer-upper aren't I? A borderline criminal that you enjoy keeping in check. No Riley," she said, raising a stilling hand when Riley made to speak, "let me finish. I saw how happy you were to police me, but, at the time I found it a bit funny, so I let you. It stopped being funny when you called me a thief though."

Riley stared at her in shock. "Maya I didn't mean...I don't see you like that."

"I think you do," Maya told her bluntly. "And that hurt Riley, hurt so much to know that you of all people saw me that way."

"I didn't know I was hurting you," she admitted, her expression growing morose.

"Because it's all fun and games for you Riles. You thought I was fine with letting you rip every shred of me apart. Five marriages for Maya you said, because hey, it's clear that I'm going to screw everything up and chase everyone away from me."

"I never meant-"

"You're getting good grades and behaving Maya. That can't happen!" Maya continued, her voice growing shaky. "Really Riley? Me deciding to try harder is a bad thing?"

"Maya please," Riley said, her eyes watering, but Maya couldn't stop. After so long the dam was broken, and there was no holding back to deluge of water.

"You helped me pick those clothes and then found it problematic because I started to dress similar to you. It wasn't a problem when you chose to mimic me but it's hell and damnation when I stop getting in trouble and start studying."

"It's different with me," Riley argued. "I know when I'm doing it. You don't."

"Don't say that," Maya snapped, standing up. She ran her hands through her hair, taking a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. "You cannot tell me who I am Riley," she said. "I've been trying to tell you that for so long now, but you won't listen. My voice is my voice. My feelings are my feelings. My actions are my own. I have never been you Riley Matthews. You've influenced me, yes, helped changed me, yes, but I never became you. And if you still think that now, then excuse me for wanting to keep away from you because I am tired of pretending to be who I was just to please you. I know where you need me to be Riley, but I've grown past that, and I'm done hurting myself to make you happy. That was the last time."

Riley was crying now, silently, something that was only now apparent to Maya. Maya looked at her, and felt her anger deflate. Sighing she stood and moved to the chair she was in, crouching down so that they were nearly at the same level. "I love you Riley," she told her honestly, reaching up to thumb away a tear, "and I'm so sorry I've put these tears in your eyes but I've always said that you're a lot of work, and this time, I can't deal with it."

"You can't deal with me," Riley corrected tearfully.

"You need to just let me be me," Maya said softly. "I've sacrificed too much by pretending for you." Maya's head dropped as a vision of Lucas flashed before her eyes, one she hurriedly forced away. No, she could not think about him right now. She wouldn't survive the conversation if she did.

Riley thankfully, did not press her on that, and when Maya finally raised her head, she found her contemplating her sadly. "Where do we go from here?" Riley asked.

"I don't know," Maya admitted, her voice warbling slightly. "but I do know that I need space."

"So what are we supposed to do?" she inquired helplessly. "Are we going to continue like this? Are you just not going to ever talk to me again, to any of us?"

"That had been the plan," Maya confessed, shifting so that she was once more seated on the floor in a lot more comfortable a position.

"Then it's a stupid, horrible plan!" Riley declared. "Maya, I can't do this without you. I need you, and you need me."

"Maybe we need each other too much."

"Don't say that," Riley protested. "It's supposed to be the two of us until the end."

Maya smiled sadly at that, reminiscing on the years of conversations between them where they had vowed to conquer the world together. "Weren't your dad and Shawn the same as us?" she asked softly. "And didn't Shawn leave?"

Riley stared at her, dumbfounded for a moment. "I'm not going to let you go," she said after a moment. "I'm not going to let that happen, even if that's what you want."

"I don't want to leave you Riley," Maya told her, reaching up to take her hands into hers. "But I can't be who you want me to be. Do you see the problem Riley? Do you see why I decided to just stay away?"

"Because I made you unhappy. Because I keep making you unhappy."

"Every time you say I'm doing something that's not me," Maya confirmed sadly.

"I never meant to hurt you Maya," Riley repeated, tangling their fingers together.

"I know that Honey," Maya answered, sincerely. "I know that you would never knowingly hurt me. But now that you do know, do you think you can stop?"

Riley pulled her hands away, drumming them against her thighs as she spoke. "I still don't think I'm wrong Maya," she told her, and Maya nodded. That was Riley's way; she rarely changed her mind at a drop of a hat. She wasn't too concerned about that. The seed had been planted and Riley would slowly mull it over and eventually see the truth of what she had told her. But, whether Maya could wait until that moment to see a change in Riley's behaviour toward her was up in the air. "I get that I'm hurting you," Riley continued, "and I do not want that. I never will want that. So I'll stop – I'll try to stop. I won't be the one causing you pain."

Maya wiped a hand across her nose, mostly to buy herself a moment to think. She knew that this was probably the best offer she would get from Riley regarding this, and, while she highly doubted that Riley would not renege on that at least once in the future, she supposed she could deal with that. Because, what was her alternative? She loved Riley, and, in the few minutes they had been sitting here conversing, she felt comfortable, freer, looser, in a way that she usually did when she was in the brunette's presence. It was an almost alien feeling to her after a week or so, but she was revelling in it. There was just a space in her life that Riley had always filled, and while she did enjoy interacting with Emily and Liam, it just wasn't the same. She didn't share any inside jokes with them, couldn't carry on an entire conversation with them with a single glance or even just lay her head on one of their shoulders when things got to be just a little too much. But she could do that with Riley, always could, and she missed that closeness.

She had been prepared to give that up, had deliberately kept her thoughts centred on the tension and unease the triangle had bred between them for so long. But now, the memories of just how well she and Riley worked together on that basic human level was back again and assaulting her, letting her know that if she chose to back away now once again, it would be harder and even more devastating. And Maya wasn't sure she could inflict that amount of pain on herself again.

But, could she do it? Could she put up with Riley's promise to hold her peace on the matter? They were pretty good at ignoring the little things that cropped up between them, but this wasn't a little thing. Could she continue to be around her knowing that Riley still thought she was not being her through self? Could she pretend that that didn't bother her? She could do it for a little while, especially if she invested in the idea that Riley would eventually see reason. But how long would that take to happen? Would it ever really happen? And there were still the other not so little factors that would be involved.

She released her breath before looking up at her once again. "I don't want to give you up Riley," she admitted. "And maybe I should have said something about this long before it got to this point."

"Maybe," she agreed, "but I'm not sure I would have listened to you. Not without something this big happening. You're right, this was inevitable," Riley concluded. "One way or another, I think we would have had this fight. Because I pushed too far. I'll try not to do that again."

"Good," Maya said simply. Riley had promised to try, and she would trust that she would do so. It wasn't a perfect arrangement, but it was enough. She would accept it.


	10. Chapter 10

Maya didn't recall when exactly they had shifted to lying horizontally across her bed, feet dangling off it, but she didn't care in the least. They had stopped talking, but the silence between them was in no way awkward. Indeed, she had lain there with an idle smile on her face as she felt Riley shifting ever so often beside her, her loose hair moving lightly over the skin on her arm. She liked that, that simple link that established a connection between them that reminded her that yeah, she wasn't alone anymore, and that, perhaps, she had been wrong for wanting that. This felt right on so many levels, and so, she turned her head to shoot her best friend a fond look.

As if feeling her gaze on her, Riley's eyes opened and she gave her a gentle smile. "Hey Peaches," she greeted, her voice a bit drowsy.

"Hey honey. You okay?" she asked, trying to gauge her mood after their conversation.

"You're asking that?" Riley asked with a hint of amusement. "I'm not the one who spent an entire week by herself you know."

"I wasn't entirely alone," Maya allowed, as she rolled over onto her stomach, pulling her hair so that it fell over one shoulder.

Riley frowned slightly at that, but didn't comment. Instead, she sat up and scooted backwards until she could rest her back against the wall. Maya took advantage of that and wriggled her way upwards until she could use Riley's thigh as a pillow. Riley made a pleased sound at that, and her fingers immediately started to twirl bits of her hair.

"What's on your mind?" she asked a minute later as she noted the contemplative expression on Riley's face.

Riley blinked slowly as if forcing herself out of her thoughts before focusing on her. "We're not going to get your classes switched back, are we?"

Maya's chest heaved as she took a deep breath at the unexpected question. Slowly she released it. She was grateful that Riley had at least posed it as a question, rather than an outright demand. She really was making an attempt to try, Maya acknowledged gratefully. "We're not," she answered. "I really don't think that they'll let me switch it back after the fuss they gave me to alter it in the first place. It'll be like this for the year." Maya felt slightly bad for using their school's administration as a cop-out excuse, but, for all that Riley was trying to understand, Maya highly doubted that she would take kindly to her out-rightly saying that she just didn't want to be in a classroom with her or Lucas anymore. She preferred to not stir back up feelings that had only just settled.

"You don't seem that sad about it," Riley pointed out, tugging lightly on the hair in her grip.

"I'm not."

Riley sighed, and released her hair entirely. "I don't understand Maya," she admitted. "If we're good now why doesn't this bother you? Unless we aren't good?"

"We are," she confirmed seriously. "Riles, we are."

"But you still don't want to be around me."

There was not anything accusatory in her tone, something that Maya would have preferred to the deeply rooted sadness she was hearing in her voice. It hadn't occurred to her until now how much this week had affected Riley. She had just convinced herself that she would be fine. After all, she had had her new boyfriend, their friends, and her family to help her deal with everything. But, hearing the melancholy edge to Riley's tone, even as she tried to acclimatise herself to the changes Maya was forcibly imposing was disheartening. She recalled the frustration in Riley's voice the day before. How could she have thought that Riley would be fine? She knew how much Riley hated secrets being kept from her. For her to have dealt with her unexplained absence, her anger at the fact that her dad had more than likely refused to tell her why, and finally, their fight from the day before… It was no wonder that Riley had shown up here in her state.

"I just want to be around you less," she said, before wincing at how blunt that came out. "I don't mean all the time," she tacked on quickly, "and it's not like you're never going to see me again. We're still going to have loads of time together. I'll be there bright and early Monday morning to get you, I swear."

"And lunch times?" Riley pressed. "After school? Weekends? Is that all we're going to be left with?"

"Honey, that is a lot of time," Maya pointed out, sitting up and turning so that she could look at her. "We talked about this when we first got our schedules remember? We thought that we would die only having three classes together after sharing everything most of our lives. But we dealt with it fine didn't we?"

"Our hallway reunions were quite epic," Riley acknowledged, a bit of humour shining through.

"The stuff stories will be written about in years to come," Maya agreed before growing more serious. "It made us treasure the times we did have together even more, Riley. This is just more of the same."

"You really think so?" Riley asked softly.

"I know so, Riley."

Riley nodded after a moment, and to Maya, it seemed as if a weight had been lifted off her friend's shoulders. "Okay. We'll try it your way Maya."

"Thank you Riley," she said sincerely.

"I'm glad that's settled. It'll be nice having you back at the bakery; I have so much to tell you!"

"Wow," Maya bid, raising a stilling hand even as she felt her heartbeat pick up a bit. "Hang on Riles. I'm not going to be at the bakery."

"What?" Riley responded, dumbfounded. "You're not going to hang out with all of us?"

Maya winced internally; her haste to answer had now put her in a bit of an awkward situation. "I have stuff to do afterschool now," she hedged, "just like the rest of you. I'll try to make it there some afternoons, but I can't guarantee every day."

"Stuff?" Riley repeated, her forehead crinkling. "What stuff?"

"Club activities."

"You didn't even come to Nature Club today Maya."

"I wasn't talking about that club," she answered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I joined two clubs this week. I'm going to be pretty busy with them."

"What clubs?"

"Show choir and art," she revealed. "That's where I was going yesterday. I had an audition."

Riley gaped at that. "You got into glee?! That's great Maya. I heard they're really exclusive."

Maya nodded, recalling the list of expectations Dylan had listed out to her the day before. Emily made it seem as if the club was mostly fun and games, and while to a certain extent she supposed it was, it was also a lot of work. Joining the club had actually taken away one of her study hall periods, and she would be spending it in the school's gym developing her stamina. She hadn't even realised that she had had stamina issues. But, she supposed, walking around New York daily wasn't the same as being able to perform fast paced dance routines while simultaneously singing.

"I have a good voice apparently," Maya said with a shrug.

"A great voice," Riley corrected. "I'm so proud of you Maya. If I'd known-"

"You'd have found a way to be there," Maya finished.

Riley nodded, but said sadly, "You didn't have anyone to celebrate with."

"Mom made me double chocolate peanut butter pancakes with extra chocolate chips this morning," she said with a shrug, recalling the large stack of pancakes the two of them had devoured. "That's celebration enough."

Riley's mouth twisted in displeasure, but thankfully, she held her peace on that matter. Instead she said, "You don't have to stay in the nature club. You'll be busy enough and I know you didn't really want to join it originally."

"I owe you guys that much," Maya told her, "I'll stay."

"You're sure?" Riley asked.

"Yeah Riley, I'm sure."

Riley grinned at that before pulling her in for a hug that Maya willingly accepted. "We'll be okay," Riley said, and Maya nodded her agreement.

It would take some time and effort, but she knew that they would be.

*

As she walked down the crowded street, Maya tried to convince herself that she was being absolutely ridiculous. She had no reason to be nervous; she had been to this place hundreds of times since she had first met Riley. And yet, the closer she got to it, the more her steps faltered. She glared automatically at someone who bounced into her as they passed her, even though she had been asking for that by dawdling like this. Shaking her head, she pressed forward, trying to convince herself that this was nothing out of the ordinary. She was just going to hang out with her friends for a few hours like she did every Saturday afternoon. There was nothing more to it. She had absolutely nothing to be nervous about.

She couldn't get herself to fall for that lie though. She clenched her fists as she turned down the street, bracing herself. There was nothing to fear, she reminded herself yet again. What was the most that could happen? A few awkward stares and questions? Riley was already there; she would have told them to expect her, and, had probably answered as many of their questions as she could. Maya knew that she could do this. She would be fine. Mostly convinced, she squared her shoulders before walking down the stairs and finally, into the bakery.

She was a bit ashamed to admit that a wave of relief washed through her when she saw only three of them there: Riley, Farkle and Smackle. "Hey losers," she greeted, stuffing her hands into her pockets. Their heads raised in tandem, and, despite herself, she smiled as Farkle's face lit up. In seconds, he was in front of her, his arms wrapping around her. Laughing, she returned the hug, allowing her cheek to press against his shoulder as she relished the contact. She pulled back, smiling up at him. "I'm okay Farkle," she said softly.

He looked at her searchingly, his mouth twisting in concentration. "I'm sorry," he returned. "If I had been paying better attention I would have seen this happening."

"It's okay," she answered, reaching up to pat his cheek comfortingly. "Smackle's your priority now. You didn't do anything wrong."

"That's not true," he rebutted, causing Maya to arch a brow at him. "I love you and Riley equally. Nothing is ever going to change that," he told her fervently. "You are my priorities."

Maya considered his words for a moment, noting that, although he had said that to them numerous times over the years, and had texted her occasionally over the past week, it had only been one of them he had actively sought out and taken care of. "You're not being a good boyfriend to Smackle if you truly believe that," she told him softly. He blinked, taken aback by her words. She patted his chest once, before bypassing him.

"Here Peaches," Riley bid, patting the spot beside her excitedly.

Maya paused to offer her hand to Smackle, who took and squeezed it gently. "I'm back," she said simply.

"Good," Smackle replied pertly. "I've had about enough of that one's whining."

"Hey!" Riley protested even as Maya chuckled and nodded before claiming her seat.

"So, what are we doing guys?" she asked, looking at them expectantly.

She enjoyed the next half an hour or so of conversation between them. They talked about everything and nothing, the three of them filling Maya in on what she had missed while she returned the favour, albeit a bit more sparingly in terms of the details. She appreciated the fact that none of them made a big deal about her absence, glad for the attempt to immediately return them to normalcy. She went along with it, letting go of her reservations and actively allowing herself to just relax and have fun. She was actually laughing outright, her head tossed back in merriment as Smackle related an argument she and Zay had had the day before when she felt someone looking at her.

Straightening, her eyes immediately sought out the source. Her smile faded abruptly when she saw who it was. Lucas, with Zay beside him, were standing just within the bakery. Zay looked ecstatic, and even now was all but bouncing across the room to pull her up into a hug, one that she automatically returned. He was short enough that she could look over his shoulder while in the embrace and she swallowed, feeling all her nervousness returning in tenfold as Lucas' green eyes bore into hers. She clung just the slightest bit tighter to Zay at that, trying to draw courage for the conversation she knew they needed to have.

She felt the rest of the group's eyes on them when she finally pulled away from Zay, her hand instinctively curling around his wrist. To his credit, he didn't react beyond twisting his hand enough so that he could grasp and squeeze her fingers encouragingly.

"See Lucas," Riley said brightly, jumping up. "I told you everything was okay. See, Maya's here," she told him, coming to stand by her side and putting a hand on her shoulder. "Everything's normal again."

"Is it?" Lucas asked as he walked closer his eyes never leaving hers.

Maya swallowed again, noting that, despite Riley's enthusiasm, everyone else seemed just as tense as she was. This was the moment she had been dreading the most, facing Lucas again, and even now, she found it impossible to hold his gaze. She looked away, choosing instead to glance at Farkle whose leg was now jostling, signalling his discomfort. She bit her lip, reminding herself of all she had talked about to herself the night before after Riley had left. She could do this. She had to do this. It was the only way this could work once again, all of them being together without this awkward tension hanging around.

"Can we talk?" she asked, hating the way her voice shook slightly.

"You sure you're capable of that?" he shot back, and Maya endured his light mocking; she deserved that after the way she had soundly rebuffed him before.

"Lucas," Riley protested.

"No, it's okay Riley," Maya said quickly, as she gently shrugged her hand off her shoulder. "Outside," she said shortly, and suited her actions to words by walking around the couch and heading toward the bakery's exit.

She was glad that he didn't immediately follow her, and, as she put her hands onto the chair back, she breathed in deeply, briefly closing her eyes before she pulled the chair out and sat on it. The last time she had had a conversation out here had been when her father had shown up, and, for all intents and purposes, that had not gone well.

She could only hope that this would go a lot better.

It took almost another minute for Lucas to join her, but she supposed that had to do with the fact that the rest of the group had probably been speaking to him, probably even coaching him about what he should say. She wasn't certain, but frankly, a part of her also didn't care as it gave her the chance to try to collect her thoughts and emotions. She hadn't been stupid enough to think that she would have gotten away with not having to speak to him entirely, and so, she had a few general ideas as to how she could handle the conversation without revealing things that had to remain secret. But, plans could easily change, and as much as she wanted things to, she couldn't hope for their talk to go her way. Her absent-minded drumming stopped as he passed her, his chair scrapping against the floor as he pulled it out and sat.

She watched him, taking in his stiff posture, and the way he had one hand pressed to his chin. He was closed off from her, worse than she had ever experienced before, and, unnerved, she looked away, acknowledging that this would not be easy.

"Well?" he said expectantly. "You wanted to talk to me, didn't you? So, do it. Talk."

A small part of her bristled at the curt tone he was using toward her, but, she fought from letting that take hold. She couldn't let her temper take over. It would only make things even more difficult to resolve. "I owe you an apology," she began, a bit woodenly. "I was rude to you Thursday, rude in a way you didn't deserve. I hope that you can forgive me for it."

He didn't respond immediately, and Maya gathered her courage and looked up at him again. His frame was still stiff, but not so much as before, and, meeting his gaze, she could see that his guard was dropping.

"I'm sorry Lucas," she said softly, allowing emotion to bleed into her voice, "I really mean it."

His expression flickered before he sighed deeply and dropped his hand onto the table. "What caused it Maya?" he asked, and his tone was much closer to how it usually was when he spoke to her.

"What caused what?"

"Why were you so rude to me?" he elaborated. "Riley told me what you guys talked about, and I sort of get it. But that doesn't tell me why you copped that much of an attitude with me Maya. I didn't have anything to do with that. You were trying to hurt me; I knew you were."

Maya couldn't deny that, but neither could she figure out how she could explain herself without outing her feelings to him. She sighed and leaned back, running a hand through her hair. "Do we have to talk about this?" she asked, wondering if she could bargain for a reprieve.

"I think we do," he said. "I want to understand Maya."

"What is there to understand?" she half-demanded. "Riley and I fought. I was rude to you. We're fine now and I've apologised to you. Can't we just move back now to me insulting you for that disgusting shirt you're wearing? I mean, really? Where did you find a shirt with lassos on it? Your shoes got spurs?"

"Not this pair," he returned, one corner of his mouth quirking in amusement. "But I won't let you distract me Maya. You walked away from us with nothing but a letter and that will never be okay. Tell me what's bothering you."

"I know it wasn't okay," she told him, features drawing, "but, I didn't know what else to do." She hated the edge of vulnerability that her voice took on. "I just needed it to stop."

"Needed what to stop Maya?" he asked softly, and, glancing at him, she saw concern in his eyes. She bent her head again; she almost preferred his earlier expression. At least then the compulsion to be honest with him would have been considerably weaker.

"Everything," she replied, wringing her hands together on top of the table. "I-I couldn't deal with it anymore. It was just too much and I needed it to stop. I'm sorry I hurt you Lucas. It was the only way to stop it, but that's no excuse. I'm sorry."

She jumped when a warmth settled over her hands. She blinked in confusion when she saw his larger palms over hers. She marvelled at how well they fit over hers, and briefly she allowed herself to imagine how his calloused fingers would feel when laced with hers.

"It's okay Maya," he responded softly, leaning in closer towards her. The gentleness in his voice caused her to lift her gaze from their hands. "You did what you thought was necessary to protect yourself. I can't fault you for that."

"It's no excuse."

"It's okay," he reaffirmed. "I dealt with it; I can deal with you. Or are you still going to deny that?"

Maya huffed at that, something that amused him if his expression was anything to go by. "You still mad at me?" she asked.

"I was never mad at you Maya," he revealed. "Frustrated? Yeah. Worried? Definitely. But never mad. Well, maybe the tiniest bit mad," he amended when she shot him a disbelieving look. "It faded quickly."

"But you do forgive me?" she inquired. "For the way I acted?"

"Yes Maya," he said, even as his hands pressed down a bit firmer over hers. "We're good. I promise."

She breathed a sigh of relief at that. "Thank you."

"Yeah well, you know I can never resist when you actually use my name," he half-joked, sitting back, in doing so, releasing her hands. She pulled them down onto her lap, gently rubbing at them to try to keep the warmth in them for a bit longer.

"They're staring at us, aren't they?" Maya asked then as she noticed him glancing over her shoulder.

"Every last one of them," Lucas confirmed, pointedly waving. She rolled her eyes, but didn't bother to look. "They're probably just making sure that you don't tear my head off."

"It's a nice head," she responded, "I'll let you keep it."

"I'm glad," he responded, twitching his nose before growing a bit more serious. "Maya, about your letter…"

"I stand by my decision," she said quickly, trying to force herself to sound firm. She had hoped that he would not have brought the matter up again, but it seemed as if he could not be easily distracted. "Everything is okay now. I'm okay."

"But-"

"No," she interrupted. She could not let the conversation go in that direction. "I won't talk about it. Please accept that."

"The fact that you won't talk about it proves that you're not okay," he pointed out. She said nothing, and the silence lingered for one long moment before he sighed. "Answer me one thing Maya," he bargained. "One simple yes or no question and I'll leave it alone. I swear."

Maya eyed him suspiciously, trying to figure out what one question he could want answered that could encapsulate everything. Would it be detrimental if she answered it or should she grasp the opportunity presented to her to have an escape from this?

"Forever?" she asked, dubiously.

"For now," he retorted, his tone unyielding.

She frowned, knowing that she would get no better option that this. He would bring it up again someday, but, for now, she could at least hope that that day would be long off in the future. If she were really lucky, he would forget about the matter altogether.

"Ask your question," she bid, crossing her arms defensively over her chest, "but I have the option to refuse to answer it."

"Fine," he agreed. "I choose me so that he doesn't have to," he recited.

She swallowed, recalling just how much thought and work she had put into that sentence. "Your question?"

"Riley wasn't supposed to understand what that meant, was she?"

Now that, Maya realised, even as her eyes opened in shock, was the worst possible question he could have asked. She shook her head roughly. "I refuse," she declared, her voice shaky. "I won't answer that. I can't."

"Can't or won't?" he pressed, before raising a hand to stop her before she could respond. "You had the option to refuse Maya," he reminded her. "I'll respect that."

"Thank you."

He stood, and moved to the side of her chair, offering her his hand. Her eyes moved from his face to the appendage before she took it, allowing him to tug her to her feet.

"We should get back inside," she said. "Let them know that we're okay so that they can stop worrying."

"We should," he agreed, but then surprised her by hugging her.

It was her third hug of the day, but this one, this was felt the best, and Maya's eyes automatically shut as her head rested against his chest. Even through his ridiculous shirt she could feel how hard it was, how sturdy, a sure sign of strength that she appreciated. She breathed in the scent of his cologne, an earthy smell that he had at one time admitted reminded him of his original home. She relaxed completely against him, and for just one precious moment, allowed herself to forget everything that had happened recently and to relish in this. Her breath left her in one loud, shuddering sound when they finally parted, although her hands lingered on his arms.

He looked down at her, and his eyes had a sort of intensity to them that captivated her, frightened her, and so, she turned her head…only to see Riley standing in the doorway, staring at them, a clear frown on her face. Maya released him entirely then, and felt a chill run through her as she forcibly stamped down every last trace of feelings that the last few minutes had awakened in her. She truly was in a no win situation here she said to herself, even as Lucas started speaking to Riley who plastered a smile on her face and came over to them, slipping her hand into his.

This right here made it abundantly clear, Maya thought as she walked past them back into the bakery, allowing Zay to tumble her down beside him. She could have either one of them or none. There was no other way, and, if she could not walk away, then the choice was made for her.

She would always choose her best friend.


	11. Chapter 11

Maya gave a general greeting as she walked into the History classroom, quickly settling into her seat. It was odd, she thought, as she started to arrange her books and pens. The other students there were gathered around in groups, talking avidly. She was the odd one out, a unique position for her to be in. She idly wondered if this was how Lucas had felt when he had first arrived, walking into a class full of students who had known each other for years, and wondering if and how he could fit in. She knew the situation wasn't as dire in her case, but still, she was isolated.

Her freshman year was comprised of students from at least five different middle schools, and while, some friend groups, like hers, had been directly imported into the high school intact, other groups had formed, and she knew that the window of time in which she could have seamlessly integrated into a new group of people was gone.

She hadn't been aware of the different friend groups that existed in her year until now. They had all just been random people to her, nameless faces who spoke in her classes. To see some of them like this, talking and laughing, put them in a new light for her, and she was forced to assess them as actual people. The quiet redhead who had a squeaky voice was laughing loudly with two other girls. Sinus Issues Samuel was actually not sniffing for once as he listened avidly to whatever it was his companion was saying. She wasn't a mean person, but she honestly had thought that he spent all his non-class time somewhere trying to clear his nose.

Glancing at the other students in the room, she realised that she didn't even know the majority of their names, something that struck her as oddly wrong. How had she allowed herself to become so lost in her friend group that she had relegated her year-mates into mere bodies who happened to occupy the same space as her for forty minutes at a time? She didn't like that fact at all; she knew people, if not by name but by their nature or characteristics. It was why she could identify people at the subway station simply by how they walked, how she knew if old Mr. Henderson, who loved sitting on the steps of his apartment building, had seen the middle aged woman with the mutt who insisted on licking his face every time they passed that day. She wasn't the one who had to sit there straining to recall the name of the girl in the purple dress who had now walked in.

She didn't like it one bit, but truthfully, she wasn't quite sure how, at this point, she could go about fixing it. And so, she settled for opening her notebook to go over some of the jottings she had made the previous week, just in case, Mr. Matthews decided to call upon her in class; she didn't have Riley or Farkle to deflect attention away from her anymore.

She was just about done with her review when the chair beside her scraped against the floor. She looked up automatically, and felt a bit of the peace she had been feeling fade as Shane sat, his eyes trained on her. She hadn't given him much thought lately, but now, watching the mildly contemplative expression he sported, memories of the previous Thursday came to the forefront of her mind, and she was certain that her cheeks were swiftly growing pink. Embarrassed, she looked away, fiddling with the edge of her page.

"Morning Maya," he greeted her, his tone warm and inviting.

"Good morning," she mumbled.

He chuckled, a rich sound, that had her inadvertently looking toward him to confirm that yes, he was gaining amusement from her discomfort. She glared at him, or rather tried to, but it seemed to have no effect as his lips curled upward in a smile, revealing a hint of dimples.

"How was your weekend?" she asked, determined to take control of the conversation and steer it away from herself.

"Pretty good," he responded, his hazel eyes brightening with remembrance. "My brother came home for the weekend, so we hung out a lot. Movies, karaoke and some time at the arcade. It was great!"

"Brother?" she inquired, "You don't mean Dylan?"

"No," he confirmed, resting his elbow on the desk and propping his face in his hand. "I have two brothers, Brian and Dylan, and a sister, Katelyn."

Maya's eyebrows rose at that. "Just how spoiled is your sister?" she couldn't help but ask.

"Very," he answered, jovially. "She's the youngest and we've all but ruined mom's hopes for a little princess. She's the rough and tumble type."

Maya's lips quirked at that as she could imagine his mother's distress. She didn't particularly care for gender norms herself (a topic Riley had forced her to get more invested in after Mr. Norton's science experiment) but she could sympathise with the woman who after three boys finally got a girl who refused all the things it seemed most mothers dreamt about doing with their girl child.

"Maybe she'll grow out of it," she offered, uncertain.

"I think that's the only thing that keeps my mom going sometimes," he joked. "Anyway, how are you? I didn't really get a chance to talk to you on Friday."

She pouted the slightest at his question; she had been hoping to avoid that conversation entirely. But he was looking at her expectantly, and somehow, she knew that he was not one to easily drop a subject. "That was deliberate," she admitted.

"Why?" he asked, frowning. "Did I do something?"

She shook her head, twisting her mouth briefly before saying honestly, if not a bit defensively, "I was embarrassed. I blubbered all over you."

"Don't be embarrassed," he responded, his voice lowering a bit. "You were upset. I wouldn't be much of a gentleman if I didn't help you."

She nodded, only mildly reassured by what he had said. She still hadn't quite figured him out as a person – not that she had really had the time to do so – but, she couldn't detect any insincerity in his words, or truly in his actions the previous week. He hadn't had to help her there in the corridor. Neither did he have to make the excuse he had once they had gotten to the practice room to explain their lateness, nor did he have to turn her audition into an impromptu duet, giving her a much needed reprieve from looking at the group members staring at her, and, perhaps, more importantly, a worried looking Emily who seemed to have seen through his excuse if the way she had wrapped her arm around her shoulders after she had sat next to her was anything to go by. She couldn't feasibly see him using the incident against her, not unless he had a ridiculously long term plan in the works, and so, she felt her guard lower just the slightest bit.

"Thank you," she said, meeting his eyes with a bit more confidence now. "For everything. You didn't have to do what you did. I'm grateful for it."

He smiled then, a full blown one that was infectious enough that she smiled as well. "I'm glad everything's better for you now, Maya."

"Me too," she responded. "I made back up with my friends."

"That doesn't mean that you're going to disappear from here right? I like having you in this class with me."

That was definitely flirtatious she decided, however, she wasn't exactly sure how to respond to it. Beside, was it truly flirting or was this just his personality? "I'm not moving," she confirmed. "You're stuck with me."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," he returned.

"Oh yeah? Wait till practice this afternoon. You're going to regret agreeing to be my partner, buddy. Them toes of yours aint't gonna be safe."

He laughed at that, shoulders shaking. "I think I'll survive."

"Awww," she cooed, "you're an optimist."

"And you're not?"

"Nope," she declared, popping the 'p'. "Tried that for a little while. Don't recommend it."

"That's no good."

"You know what else is no good?" a new voice interrupted before she could respond, startling them both. "Guns. Guns are not good, and I don't know about you, but I really want to know how their invention changed the history of war."

Maya's eyes widened at Mr. Matthews' words. He was standing right beside her, perhaps had been for a while if the way everyone else was looking at them was anything to go by. He didn't seem annoyed though, indeed, she could see amusement in his eyes as Shane mumbled an apology.

"Sorry Matthews," she told him.

He rolled his eyes slightly before lightly rapping her on the top of the head with the paper he was holding before turning away, addressing the class. She glanced at Shane who gave her a sheepish look, one that she returned with a shrug and half smile before she turned to the front and concentrated on the day's lesson. Afterwards, when the class had ended, she gathered her belongings slowly.

"What class do you have now Maya?" Shane asked, standing as well.

"Geography with Mrs. Richards," she answered after a moment's thought.

His face reflected a smidgen of disappointment. "Oh, I would have walked you to class, but mine is in the other direction. I have Bio now."

"That's fine Shane," she told him. "I appreciate the offer though. I'll see you after school?"

"Definitely," he agreed, cheering up. "We should compare schedules," he added as he walked off.

"We should compare schedules," Mr. Matthews repeated, voice a bit mocking as he reached her. It was only now that she realised that the two of them had been the last students left in the classroom.

She laughed at him, hugging her books to her chest. "Sorry about earlier," she repeated. "I didn't see you come in."

"How could you with Mr. Googly Eyes staring at you like that?"

She chuckled, a bit heartened to see a bit of the man's initial antagonism toward Lucas back in the seventh grade surface again, this time directed towards her. "I made up with Riley and Lucas," she informed him, "but I'm sure you already knew that."

He nodded, leaning his hip against the edge of the desk. "I also know that it couldn't have been a complete discussion." She frowned, wondering how he had deduced that. "If things were a hundred percent fine on both your ends," he continued, "it would have been a three-night sleepover."

Maya's lips twitched at that. Their epic reunion had consisted solely of Friday evening's talk with Riley, and their collective group's afternoon at Topanga's. She hadn't been in the mood to deal with any of them in any real capacity beyond that, especially a Riley who was bound to have spent the entire time relating her progress with Lucas now that she thought that all was well among the three of them.

"Am I being petty?" she asked, looking up at him.

The man shook his head. "I think that you know best what you need right now," he told her seriously, before adding, "not starting with Mr. Googly Eyes."

She snorted at that, and walked past him, bumping into him affectionately as she did so. "Don't even try to send him to Mexico," she warned, turning so that she was walking backwards.

"Didn't work before," he returned, feigning (she hoped) a frown. "I'll try for somewhere further next time. Like other side of the equator further."

"Whatever keeps you happy Matthews," she sing-songed as she walked out the classroom, shaking her head in amusement, briefly wondering if she could expect similar behaviour from Shawn.

At least now, she realised as she quickened her pace to not be late, the History teacher had indirectly given her some information that she had lacked before. Shane was definitely flirting with her, and now she had to figure out if he was her very own Charlie Gardner, or if he was, were she to allow it, someone who had the potential to be a bit more.

*

"Accept my sympathies Mr. Jackson," Emily said without preamble as she stuck her head around the classroom door. The teacher raised his head from the papers on his desk, looking at her inquiringly. "Liam's in a bad mood," she explained, before adding, way too cheerfully, "Good luck with that! I'm off to the music room now."

The man sighed as she gave him a broad grin before pulling her head back. For someone who liked to complain about her cousin's antics, the junior was pretty blind to the fact that she shared many of the same traits. Taking her warning to heart though, he gathered the essays he had been grading back into a pile, before standing and giving the room a quick scan. As was the norm for a Monday, the classroom was largely in order, something that was not particularly useful for the sophomore's state today if Emily was to be believed. Moving to the cabinet where he kept paint stained towels, cloths and aprons, he bent and quickly emptied an entire shelf on the floor, quickly shaking them out into a haphazard pile.

Only seconds after he had finished that, did Liam walk in, a scowl on his face. The man didn't speak immediately, simply stepping aside as the teenager looked around him. Sighting the pile, Liam walked over, and without a word, dropped to the floor, sitting cross-ledged before he pulled an apron out of the pile. Silently cheering himself on his quick thinking, the art teacher sat as well, and took one up, working considerably slower than the teen.

It took a few minutes for Liam to speak, but then, finally, he said, "She's not coming back."

"Who?" he asked, a bit surprised. Of all the things he had expected him to say, that had not been it. But then again, he realised, Emily had not been seemed at all upset when she had first warned him about her cousin's state. That meant that, at least to her, it wasn't that serious of an issue.

"Blondie," he responded shortly. "She's not coming back here."

The man furrowed his brows at that, trying to make sense of the teenager's words even as he reached for a next towel. Why on earth would Ms. Hart's presence, or lack of it, bother him like this? "Why do you think that?"

"Saw her earlier, during break," he explained, disjointedly. "Was with a group of people. The ones she was mad at? Didn't look mad today. She's not going to come back."

And that was the problem right there, the man realised as he strove to keep any sort of pity off his face in case Liam looked up. He had long since learned his lesson on that front from the previous year. The boy before him would shut down on him the second he sensed that, and it would be days before he would trust him enough again to open up in any real capacity. He supposed that the teenager had assumed that the freshman would be a permanent addition to their little group of misfits; he had probably spent his time crafting jokes and insults to rile up the girl for his own amusement. All of that would have come crashing down the moment he had seen her out and about with her friends.

"She's still in the art club," he replied, striving to keep his tone neutral.

"Not the same," Liam grumbled, tossing a folded towel down with a bit more force than was needed. He looked up then, and Mr. Jackson noted that his scowl had faded considerably; he just seemed melancholy now, and he wasn't at all certain if that was a better place for him to be in. "She was here all week," he said, rocking back onto his hands a bit. "And she doesn't know, you know? I could tell. She doesn't know anything. I'm just any ole regular Joe to her. I thought I had a chance, man, but now she's gone and made up with them and that's it until the next time they have a falling out. And I'm not that evil that I want that to happen."

"You're not evil at all," Mr. Jackson reminded him, causing the teen to huff slightly and roll his eyes.

"Figure of speech dude," he pointed out, and the man raised an accepting hand at that.

"I think you're being a bit quick to give up on Ms. Hart," the teacher said. "She doesn't strike me as someone who just forgets people, and I'm pretty certain she was having fun with the two of you last week. So even if she's made up with her friends, I don't think anything is over. You have art club, and it's going to be pretty hard for her to ignore her mentor."

The teenager grinned at that, a genuine sign of good humour that had the man relaxing. "I am her mentor huh," he said, his chest puffing out a bit with pride. "I'm going to have to help her find her way in the club. She's missed a lot so she'll need me to help her keep up."

The teacher suppressed a snort at that, leaving the teenager to his beliefs. He was about to say something, something that would potentially cement the bit of hope he had instilled in the teen when he caught a movement by the doorway. He looked up, before smiling slightly at the teenager standing there. "You can start mentoring right now if you want," he said, as he got up, resisting a groan as his knee protested at the moment. Liam followed his gaze, obviously confused, before his expression changed to disbelief.

"What?" Ms. Hart asked defensively, as she walked into the room, crossing her arms over her chest. "Am I interrupting your lady chat or something?"

"Not at all, Ms. Hart," Mr. Jackson said smoothly. "Back with us again, I see."

"Yeah," she responded, frowning slightly. "It's still okay right?" she added, looking toward the sophomore.

"You're always welcomed here," he reiterated, as he walked back to his desk. "You're welcomed to help Liam finish folding if you want."

"Only if he stops staring at me like a loon," she groused, glaring at him.

That finally seemed to snap the teenager out of his thoughts. "I'm not the crazy one blondie," he shot back, although, to the man's ear, his voice was just the slightest bit shaky as he tried to fall into character despite the thoughts he knew must be racing through his head. "You're late," he added, picking up a towel and tossing it at her.

She caught it and sent it back with more ferocity. "Didn't realise I had a time to be here," she said, as she sat after carefully adjusting her skirt. "Where's Emily? Finally found a way to be rid of you?"

"She has club activities," he explained, before asking, a bit more hesitantly, "Where were you?"

"I don't think my friends would have forgiven me if I didn't have lunch with them today," she responded, pulling a towel onto her lap.

"Oh," he said simply.

Mr. Jackson paused as the girl looked at Liam, a slight frown on her face as if she was detecting something off in his behaviour. "What other days does Emily have lunch things?" she asked after a moment.

"Mondays and the occasional Wednesday."

She was silent for a moment. "You want to have lunch with me those days?" she offered, something that the man internally cheered at. "My friends won't mind."

"You think I don't have friends of my own?" he retorted sharply, not an ounce of jovialness in her tone.

The man moved to speak then, to intervene, but Ms. Hart beat him to the punch. "Chill dude," she snapped back. "If you don't want to be seen hanging out with a bunch of freshmen, it's fine."

"Once you know," he responded, deflating a bit. "I have a reputation to maintain."

"I'm sure you do," she answered dubiously, before dealing with the now crumpled towel she held.

Liam stared at her bent head for a moment, before glancing at him. Mr. Jackson gave him an encouraging nod, before returning to his pile of essays, forcing himself not to dwell on the untruth the boy had just told. Jackson had no doubt that the freshman would eventually find out the truth, if not from the boy or his cousin, then from her own perceptiveness. He could only hope that she would not abandon the teenager when she found out the true circumstances, and the cause of it.

Liam, after just a few days, cared for the girl, wanted her as a friend. It was the first time in a long while that the teacher could recall him ever openly expressing a desire for something. He didn't know if the boy could handle it if Ms. Hart decided indeed to alienate herself from him. He could only hope that it would not come to that.


	12. Chapter 12

As much as she wanted to, Riley could not prevent herself from continuously staring at where Farkle and Smackle were seated. She should have been engrossed in the novel she had to read for class, after all, she and Lucas had promised to discuss the contents of the chapter once they were both done, but she couldn't pay attention. How could she when Maya was crossed-legged on the floor beside Farkle, because apparently she had forgotten that there were types of behaviour acceptable only in private spaces? Although, it wasn't the fact that Maya had made the floor her home that bothered Riley the most, it was the fact that she had chosen to sit at Farkle's right. Maya could have very well have settled on the floor beside where she was sitting if she truly wanted to, but had instead selected the space furthest away from her. She couldn't help but believe that that was a deliberate decision on Maya's part.

She didn't understand it, but then again, there were many things that she found difficult to comprehend regarding her best friend these days. Not for the first time, Riley had to remind herself of the promise she had made; she would not comment on Maya's behaviour anymore, no matter how much she didn't approve of it, or found it to be out of character. Maya didn't like that she did that, and she wanted to respect her wishes, even if Maya wasn't doing the same. Maya had barely spent twenty minutes with them during her very first lunch period back; she had begged off with a silly excuse about having work to do in the art room. Riley had peeped in on her after a while and had found her deep in conversation with an oddly dressed guy she didn't know over a pile of tattered cloth. That was why she had left them? To fold things?

Maya hadn't even brought the guy up at all since then, and, briefly, Riley had pondered on the idea that Maya liked him but wanted to ensure things were developing nicely before she mentioned it. Riley could have accepted and understood that, even though it stung a bit to know that Maya preferred the company of a guy over their group. And then, to make matters worse, the very next day, a next guy, a considerably cuter one, had come up behind her while they had been standing by Riley's locker. Maya didn't introduce him to her. All Maya had done was given her a quick, one armed hug before walking off with him to Show Choir. And, Riley was certain that she had seen the boy take Maya's bag away from her and casually sling it over his shoulder. Now that was definitely not someone just a friend would do.

Just what was going on?

Riley didn't know how she could bring up the conversation without the entire situation becoming awkward? She couldn't understand why Maya wouldn't say anything if she was interested in someone. Riley would be more than ecstatic if that were the case. It would mean that she had finally found someone of her own, someone she could focus upon in a way that wouldn't make things weird for the rest of them. It would just further cement the fact that the triangle was over in everyone's minds, and that was a good thing, a great thing.

However, Maya's potential relationships were not the only thing Riley was a bit miffed at her friend about, she thought as she watched Maya's face scrounge as she battled with an equation. Maya had turned down her help continuously, and while Riley knew it was a good thing that Maya was actually trying at school, she didn't understand why she wouldn't accept her assistance. All of their algebra classes followed the same structure, and, more often than not, they all found themselves pouring over the same assignments, albeit sometimes on different days. And since Riley's class ran earlier in the week than Maya's, it had long since become a habit for her to automatically pass off her notebook to the blonde once she had finished. But, Maya had refused, and yet was now allowing Farkle to monitor her while she attempted the work. Why was she allowing him to help her, but not her?

More than that, why was Maya suddenly interested in doing work herself? Zay at least had good reason to try, even if he grumbled incessantly while doing it. He had to maintain at least a 2.0 to keep his spot on the baseball team. Maya had no such excuse; Riley hardly doubted that her new clubs had academic requirements. More than likely, all Maya had to do was not flunk out of the school entirely. What had brought about this change in her friend?

Riley shifted her gaze back to her novel as Maya looked up from her page of equations, sighing haggardly. She pretended to casually flip the page, but truthfully, her attention laid solely with Maya as she started speaking.

"Farkle," she said her voice slightly strained as she thrust the paper up at him. "Check these."

"Of course," he agreed, and Riley didn't need to peek to know that he had a small smile on his face as he took it. She could tell Farkle's thoughts and moods from his mannerisms in her sleep; extending that to the nuances of his voice was not much different to that.

She peered over the top of her book again, this time mildly surprised to see that Lucas was also subtly observing them with interest. She briefly grimaced at that before dismissing the thought. She knew that Lucas had picked up on Maya's odd behaviour as well. He was just being a good friend and checking to see that if there was anything that he needed to do to help her. Maya actually seemed a bit nervous as she waited on Farkle to finish. After a moment, Smackle pressed her arm against his and started looking over the page as well, poking at something further down the page that Farkle nodded at before bending closer to where Maya was.

"You went off on the last one."

Maya scrounged her nose at that. "Yeah, I don't really understand what they want there."

"Let me show you," he offered, before turning the page over and taking the pen from her.

Riley tuned out his explanations, but took note of the fact that Maya wasn't making funny faces or silly jokes as she usually did; she was actively paying attention, at one point even making him go back and explain a part of it to her again.

"I think I've got it now Farkle," she said eventually, taking it back from him. "Thanks. I'll re-write these later."

"Hang on a bit," Farkle requested, before, with Smackle's help, jotted down what Riley guessed to be a few more equations. "Try these for me."

Riley smiled slightly when Maya glared at him, and all but snatched the paper out of his hand. But, despite that, she settled down quietly to work on them, much to Farkle's amusement. Glancing at Lucas, she saw a soft smile on his face before he went back to his own work. She observed longer though, watching for the nearly ten minutes it took for Maya to slowly work her way through the problems, occasionally going back to the one Farkle had corrected for her before continuing. Finally, and much more nervous than before, Maya handed it over again.

"Perfect!" Farkle declared, high fiving her.

Riley had to admit that the pure joy that covered Maya's face at his reaction was heart-warming, and she couldn't resist grinning as Maya demanded that he draw a smiley face for her before he gave it back. It was as precious as that A in Spanish, Riley noted as Maya hugged the page.

"Good job Maya," Lucas praised, startling Riley, because she hadn't even realised that his attention had shifted back to her friend.

Maya's smile changed slightly at that. She was still happy, but there was a hint of something else there that Riley couldn't understand as Maya tucked her hair behind her ear. She didn't respond to him beside a brief, almost tentative nod.

"Mom!" she called out a moment later as Mrs. Hart came out of the backroom, and scrambled to her feet before hurrying over, waving the paper at her.

Riley agreed with Zay's "Awww" when the woman kissed her cheek in congratulations. It was a cute sight. Maya left the paper with her, and skipped off in the direction of the washrooms. Curiosity sated for now, Riley made a concerted effort to return to her book, only for a new distraction to present itself.

*

Josh was feeling very proud of himself as he walked down the stairs leading to the bakery. It had taken a bit of manoeuvring, but he had successfully negotiated his way into an earlier study group that day, the result of which was that he was now a free man. He walked in, breathing in the homely smell with relish. He supposed that the bakery received more than enough traffic that none of those present in it would take note of a new arrival. Their obliviousness gave him a few seconds to peruse the room, noting that all save one particular blonde was present. He wasn't perturbed by that though, she would come along soon enough, and in the interim, he had someone to harass.

"There's my niece!" he declared loudly from the door, grinning as her head spun in the direction of his voice.

"Uncle Josh!" she gasped out.

He walked behind the couch she was on and wrapped her arms around her shoulder in a hug before pressing an affectionate kiss to the top of her head.

"Hey kiddies," he added, freeing a hand long enough to wave to the rest of the group.

"Pretty Face, why are you here?" Smackle asked, and Josh blinked, surprised because, yup, she really was talking to him.

"Smackle," Farkle said with a sigh, "behave."

"I'm just pointing out the truth," she defended.

"What are you doing here Uncle Josh?" Riley asked, tilting her head backwards to look at him.

"Apparently saving the lot of you from a particularly dreadful Friday night," he declared, moving so that his hands were now settled lightly on her shoulders. "Are you really doing homework?"

"That's what I said," Zay lamented. "But I got overruled."

"Democracy isn't all that it's cracked up to be sometimes," Josh sympathised.

"We're just being responsible," Friar said, looking at him coolly.

For the first time since he had entered the room, Josh actually bothered to look at him. He would readily admit that he had conflicted feelings regarding the Texan native. To a certain extent, he supposed, he always had; they were just a lot more prominent now. He didn't feel too bad about that fact though. Friar had, from the start, always picked up a bit of an attitude when it came to him, and, from their very first interactions, Josh had had an inkling why. The circumstances were different now, and yet Friar was acting the same way toward him. Interesting, he thought, resisting a smirk.

"Yeah well there's a time and a place for everything," he answered, "and Friday are for fun, games, and dates. Please tell me you guys have plans for the night beyond this at the very least," he added, looking around at the rest of them.

"Smackle and I are checking out the new astronomy exhibit at the museum," Farkle offered, and, to his credit, Smackle seemed really excited about the activity.

"A man with a plan," he declared, giving him an approving nod, "throw in some food after that and you've got yourself a proper date. And you Zay?" he said, looking to where the teenager had tossed his notebook aside, obviously taking advantage of his presence to give up on his work.

"Got a Skype movie date with Vanessa at nine," he revealed.

"Long distance," Josh responded, a bit impressed. "Not everyone can make that work. Good on you, Zay."

"I'm trying," Zay answered.

Josh gave him a thumbs up. Finally he looked down at Riley. "What are you and the cowboy doing?" he inquired, and, perhaps he had not succeeded in appearing as neutral as he thought given the way Riley frowned.

"Uncle Josh," she said, "what's wrong? Lucas is my boyfriend now. You should be happy."

"Should I?"

"Yeah, you should. You're the one who helped convinced daddy to let me go on my first date with him, remember?"

Josh nodded, reluctantly agreeing to that. But, he told himself, it wasn't as if he had expected it to go anywhere. That wasn't the Matthews' style, at least from the get go. Eric had played the field for all of his school years. Cory had had a revolving door of girls as well before eventually settling down with Topanga. And, it wasn't as if Topanga hadn't done her fair share of dating as well. He actually figured that that was why Cory was so gung-ho about denying Riley the right to date for as long as he could; he knew exactly how teenager boys could be (something that Josh himself could also attest to). But, he hadn't been as worried as his brother, more than likely because of the scant age difference between himself and his niece. He hadn't really thought that her first date would have gone far beyond that. Like seriously, whose first date ever actually panned out into happily ever after? He probably wouldn't have been as supportive of her then if he had had a glimpse into the future. Or maybe even he would have bumped her into Minkus' kid instead. He, at least, would have been the safer bet.

"Yeah well there's a clear difference between going on a date and having a boyfriend Riley," he responded, condensing his thoughts into that single line. "I'm not quite sure you're ready for that."

"Well it's a good thing we don't need your approval," Lucas retorted, a bit smugly.

Josh arched a brow at that, mildly impressed by his gumption. "I wouldn't bet on that Friar," he warned.

"Wow boy," Zay declared, sounding entirely too amused. "Show down of the century here folks. We're taking bets. Who's going to win this? Josh, the uncle, or Lucas, the boyfriend."

"This isn't a competition Zay," Riley snapped, shooting him a disapproving look. "Besides," she continued, "they're just playing around. Right you two?"

It was the hesitance in Riley's voice that drew Josh fully back into reality, and, breaking his stare with the younger male, he patted her head reassuringly. He supposed he had let his emotions get to him a bit, because he truly had not had any intentions of facing off with Friar. Not yet, he supposed, remembering Cory's reluctant statement that things needed to play out as it should with minimal interference.

"We're fine Riley," Lucas reassured her. "We're just playing. Right?" he added, eyeing him.

Josh resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Apparently the Riley committee was still in full progress, even if Maya had tendered her resignation from it to Farkle earlier that week. Unfortunately for Friar, Josh wanted no part of it. He didn't buy into this idea of protecting Riley, and he was just about to set the record straight when they were all distracted by a loud squeal from behind him. He beamed, forgetting about Friar as he braced himself for the impact he knew was coming. Despite his best preparation though, his knees still buckled slightly with the force of Maya's landing. Within seconds, he had her balanced on his back, his arms automatically curling around her legs to keep her secure, even as he felt her arms snake around his neck.

"Boing," she hummed, and he chuckled when he felt her cheek press against his shoulder.

"I was wondering where you were," he responding, craning his neck so that he could see her.

"Awww, you missed me?" she asked, pulling back slightly.

"A bit," he allowed, before smiling as pleasure radiated across her face at his response.

"Don't choke the boy," Mrs. Hart said as she came to stand beside him.

"I won't if I can keep him," she retorted, her voice taking on a childish lilt.

"You'll have to feed him twice daily and take him for walks," the woman lectured, playing along.

"Hey," Josh protested, "I'll have you know I eat at least three times a day."

"We'll manage," Maya promised. Mrs. Hart, slapped her daughter's thigh playfully before walking away to deal with a customer. "See, you're a keeper Boing," Maya cooed.

"And you're a silly ferret," he returned as he walked over to the window seat. "Off you," he bid, angling himself so that she could drop off safely.

"Nope!" she said jovially, and he felt her limbs tighten around him.

"Maya," Riley chastised. "Get off Uncle Josh."

"It's okay Riley," Josh reassured her, even as Maya stuck her tongue out at her before pointedly snuggling a bit closer. "I know what to do."

"Carry me forever?" Maya inquired playfully.

"Nope!" Josh mimicked, before turning his back to the nearest wall. "I'll make myself a Maya pancake instead."

Maya squeaked as he rocked back against it, squishing her. She chortled and briefly fought back, but he was strong enough that she was pinned. Finally giving in, she slackened her hold, dropping her feet to the ground.

"I win," he declared turning to grin down at her.

She was still laughing when he grabbed her hand and tumbled her down with him to the seat. His expression softened when she briefly rested her head against his shoulder. There was no sign of any negative emotion on her face when he looked at her, something he was glad to note. She had had a rough few weeks, it was good to see her content like this. He couldn't help but bop her nose with a finger, chuckling at the mild glare she shot at him.

It was only then that he noticed the silence around them. Truthfully he had shifted his focus solely to her during their horseplay, but now, looking away from her, he found that they had an audience observing them, their expressions varied. Maya too seemed to notice it because her grip on his hand tightened minutely. Zay and Smackle seemed particularly interested in what they were seeing. She had actually moved to sit beside him, and, frankly, a bowl of popcorn would not appear too out of place on one of their laps. Farkle's expression was more contemplative than anything else, as if he was simply striving to understand what he was seeing.

Riley and Friar though…

Friar was all but scowling and, once more, Josh had to restrain himself from not returning the expression two-fold. There was that old theory of his again, he thought, even as a bit of anger curled within him. That expression had no place on his face when his girlfriend – Josh's niece – was seated right there on the couch right next to him. And yet, as his eyes shifted from the Texan to Riley, he felt a bit of confusion at the dumbfounded look on her face.

"What?" he couldn't help but ask.

"What's going on?" Riley asked, hesitantly, looking pointedly down at where their hands were clasped on his knee.

"I think it's clear what's going on Riley," Smackle responded.

"Seems pretty clear to me," Zay agreed. "Those two are got first class seats on the Loveeeeeeee Train."

"Not funny Zay," Friar said, even as Farkle asked, "When did this happen?"

Josh didn't answer them immediately. Instead, he looked down at Maya who was now guiltily nibbling at her lip. "Correct me if I'm wrong Maya," he said, "but the last time we spoke, didn't you say that everything was okay? That you'd talked about everything."

The teenager pouted a bit as she met his gaze. "Yeah well maybe I didn't tell Riley everything," she responded. "And maybe I left out a couple of details about…things."

Josh scowled at her, and her pout intensified before she pointedly looked away. "It's not like I lied," she muttered.

"You just omitted the truth," he rebutted, squeezing down on her hand briefly to draw her eyes back up to him.

"What's going on?" Riley repeated, her voice a bit more agitated now. "What is this? Why are you two holding hands?"

"Maya?" he said inquiringly, offering her no quarter.

She narrowed her eyes at him, but he just returned her gaze levelly. After a second, her shoulders slumped and she faced forward. "This is the long game Riley," she said simply.

Riley gaped, actually gaped, and briefly Josh's more devious nature wished he had a bit of paper he could toss into her mouth, just for kicks.

"When did this happen?" Friar asked, staring at Maya who started to fidget slightly.

"At the Ski Lodge," he responded, deciding to have a bit of mercy on her. He had to admit that his surprise visit had put her into a bit of an awkward position. While he hadn't even thought that she would have withheld the full story from her friends, he, perhaps, should have cleared it with her before he had come like this.

"Two weeks?" Friar said, frowning. "This has been happening for two weeks? Why didn't you say something Maya?"

"I asked you if you knew what was wrong, Uncle Josh," Riley added, her tone hurt. "You told me you didn't, and you've been dating Maya this entire time."

"Wow, we aren't dating," Josh said quickly.

"Don't be mad at Josh," Maya put in, her voice nearly overlapping his. "I asked him not to say anything to you; I wasn't ready to talk and I was worried that if he said something you'd start to bug me. If you want someone to blame, blame me."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Josh told her.

"But I'm your niece," Riley protested.

"Priorities change situation dependent kiddo," he said, "and in this situation, Maya was my priority. You'll get that someday."

Riley's mouth twisted into a single line, and she started to jiggle her legs as if trying to find an outlet for her emotions. "Bay window," she declared, fixing Maya with a stern look. "Bay window r-"

"In about four hours," Josh interrupted her smoothly. "Maya has plans right now."

"I do?" Maya asked, confused.

Josh nodded. "I didn't just come here to surprise you with my presence," he informed her. "I figured we could go out. I have a party at eleven, which I've learnt means that I don't actually need to be there before twelve. So, what do you say? You want to hang out until curfew?"

"Don't got a curfew," Maya said, grinning up in his face. "Never have."

"Really?" he asked, looking to where her mother was, a few tables away. "Future Mrs. Hunter, can I steal your daughter for a few hours?"

She looked up, cocking her head for a moment. "It's fine with me," she responded. "But, you sure baby girl is going to bring you back?"

Josh glanced down, taking in Maya's excited expression. "Send help if I don't show up in three days?"

She laughed, but nodded, walking over. "Remember I'm hanging out with Topanga tonight Maya, so the place will be empty if you come back before midnight," she told her. "Don't lead Josh all over the place; he's still learning the city. Don't take advantage of that."

"Mom," Maya whined.

"Does she really not have a curfew?" Josh asked, astounded.

The woman shot him a sheepish look, but nodded. "Have fun baby girl," she bid before heading back to the counter.

"You're lucky," he couldn't help but say, a bit envious. According to Cory, their parents had gone extremely lax by the time he had been a teenager, but he still had to be home by no later than midnight until last year when they had bumped it to one.

"I can't believe this," Riley said, "Maya's going on a date with my uncle. My uncle."

"We're just hanging out Riley," Maya responded. "It isn't serious."

"Says the girl who has yet to let his hand go this entire time," Smackle pointed out, causing them both to blush.

"Why don't we just get out of here, huh?" he offered, running his fingers through his hair. He could feel tension rising, and he knew that if he wanted Maya to have a good time with him, it would be best for them to leave now.

"Cool," Maya agreed, standing. "Um…later guys," she said rather lamely. "And yeah Riley, we'll talk okay?"

"Take her somewhere nice Friar," Josh added, because at the very least, his niece deserved a nice evening after the shock she had gotten, even if it was with him.

Without really waiting for a response, Josh waited the few seconds it took Maya to grab her jacket, and then, they were out the door.


	13. Chapter 13

Maya waited until Josh disappeared into Riley's apartment building before she started climbing the stairs of the fire escape. She knew that he didn't understand it, but, there were rules that had to be obeyed. Riley had called bay window, and so protocol demanded that she come through the window. That was just how it worked, and, even if she wasn't particularly looking forward to the conversation that was to come, she wouldn't break their tradition. After all, she still wasn't completely sure that Riley had forgiven her for breaking ring power in the weeks before. Added to that was the fact that Josh had been harsh with his niece earlier on that afternoon (and yes, she had chewed him out for that) the least she could do was soothe Riley's nerves by keeping their routine intact. And, unfortunately for Josh, that meant that she couldn't go along with his gentlemanly desires.

Maya was admittedly relieved when she reached Riley's floor and saw that the lights in her room were on. Riley wasn't petty, but, after the day she had had, Maya would not have been too surprised to have found her room darkened and the window locked. Not that she had ever done that before (well in a serious capacity), but, both of them had done lots of new things lately, so their unpredictability factor had definitely increased.

Tucking her hair behind her ears, Maya crouched and started crawling in. "I'm here Riles," she announced, striving for a normal tone.

She paused half way through the window though when she caught sight of a very muscular arm hugged tightly by a blue sleeve. She swallowed, and, without even checking, knew who the owner of that arm was. Without saying anything, she awkwardly finished crawling through, choosing to immediately hop off the window seat and stand rather than remaining so close to Lucas.

"Oh hey," she said, glancing at him briefly. She, for want of an action, started to brush invisible lint off her jeans. She turned to Riley, who was seated on the other end of the seat, watching her with a faint smile.

"Hey," Riley said. "I wasn't sure if you would come."

Maya shrugged at that, not certain how else she could respond. It was weird; she hadn't expected to come in her and find Riley and Lucas together alone. It was a rare occurrence for her to encounter someone else in Riley's bedroom before her. She was never the one to stumble in on a conversation, and, idly, she wondered if this was to be the new normal with Lucas having replaced her in this. And, if that truly was to be the case, how could she ever saunter into Riley's bedroom again with anxiety pooling within her stomach?

"Did you have a good night Maya?" Lucas asked, his voice a bit cool.

She nodded again, a quick, jerky gesture. "We ate and then went to an arcade," she offered woodenly, wondering why a kernel of guilt was creeping up within her. It felt weird – wrong almost – to be talking to him of all people about this. It was a bit funny; she could talk to Josh for hours about any guy, be it Lucas, Shane, Liam or any other random people with ease. And yet, meeting Lucas' unyielding gaze made her feel all of two feet tall, as if she had done something wrong. She didn't like that feeling. "The prizes were horrible, so we just traded our tickets and got something for Auggie."

"He'd like that," Riley acknowledged.

"Um, I should go meet Josh," she hedged, as the silence that followed Riley's words grew. She saw the way Riley and Lucas were trading looks with each other, having a silent conversation. She backed up, and started heading for Riley's door.

"We need to talk Maya."

She froze in her tracks. His tone was firm, and left no room for argument. More often than not, whenever he used that voice, Maya found herself unable to do anything save listen to what he wanted to say, and, more often than not, whatever he said would prove to be right. Her face contorted, and, as quickly as she could manage, she slapped her jovial mask in place before turning back, offering him a hopefully mischievous look.

"About what?" she asked, keeping her tone light and mildly teasing. "About how it's technically still thirty minutes before Riley's curfew so you two really don't need to be here?"

"You're back early you know," Riley pointed out.

"Only because Josh is too responsible," she answered with a bit of a sigh. "He didn't really think mom was serious about me not having a curfew so he made us follow his old one."

"Yeah well most high schoolers do have curfews," Lucas said, crossing one leg over the other. "Being older and supposedly wiser, he should respect that."

Maya frowned, not liking the backhand insult he had given Josh, but, she didn't know how to go about addressing it without breaking her façade. "I really should go meet him," she said instead, and this time, more quickly, hurried for the door. "I've interrupted you two long enough as is," she finished and, not giving them a chance to argue, she walked out. She knew that they would follow eventually, but at least she would have the buffer of other people to help her.

She was a bit surprised to find the living room empty save for a pyjama clad Auggie who, though obviously sleepy, was ripping open the prize they had won for him earlier. Josh was seated in the armchair, watching him with amusement.

"Where's everyone?" she asked, as she sat beside Auggie, ruffling his hair roughly. It was a testament to his excitement that, for once, he didn't protest or bat her hand away.

"Your mom and Topanga aren't back yet," Josh answered. "And Cory's digging through storage for something apparently."

Maya was a bit surprised by that. Lucas was in Riley's room and Matthews wasn't, at the very least, eavesdropping by the door?

"Dinosaurs!" Auggie squealed delightedly as he held up the figurines. "These will go great in the Jurassic park replica me and Ava are building for show and tell! Thank you!"

"Yeah yeah," Maya said dismissively. "What's Matthews looking for Augster?"

"Monitors," he replied absentmindedly, too engrossed in inspecting the toys. "Me and Riley's old ones."

"What does he need those for?" Maya wondered aloud.

"For observation!"

Maya turned, smiling when she saw Matthews in casual clothes, cradling two pairs of monitors to his chest as if they were the most valuable items in the world. "I put one in there and keep the other and I have instant surveillance! Any silence that's more than five seconds means papa's gonna investigate!"

Maya laughed outright at that. The man looked way too satisfied about his plan. "It's been a few years," she pointed out. "Do they even still make batteries for those things?"

He frowned, staring down at the devices. "Amazon has anything," he declared. "And stop trying to burst my bubble Hart, this is your fault."

"What's my fault?"

"All of this," he said, as he put the monitors down onto the table. "I thought we had an agreement? Riley goes out with Lucas if you and Farkle tag along. Double dates is where the fun is at!"

"That was seventh grade," she reminded him patiently. "Farkle has his own girlfriend now and Josh surprised me with plans tonight."

Cory frowned, and his attention shifted from her to his brother. He stared at him for a long moment, before saying, "Wait…you two were really together tonight? I thought Katy was joking."

"We were," she confirmed. "Josh and I hung out."

"What?" Matthews said, and, Maya didn't like the way his expression suddenly went serious.

"It's no big deal," she said dismissively. "Don't let us side track you from your war with the cowboy. Although, you could have just made them sit out here you know."

"Wait," Josh interjected. "He's here? In Riley's bedroom?"

The man blinked, as if jarred from his thoughts. "Yeah well Topanga insisted that it's only fair because we didn't have any restrictions when we were dating so we shouldn't place any on Riley."

"Because you're not the ones dating Cor!" Josh protested. "This is Riley."

"My argument exactly!" he responded. "But Topanga says I'm not allowed to get rid of him. She won't defend me from Riley's wrath if I do."

"Daddy, you're not going to kill my boyfriend," Riley said, and turning, Maya saw her and Lucas standing in the doorway.

"Who said anything about murder?" Cory asked innocently. "We're just going to bury him."

"Six feet under," Josh added. "Just bring me a shovel."

Lucas shook his head, a gesture Maya knew meant that he was both amused and astounded by whatever it was he was seeing or hearing. "You like me sir," he stated, looking at his teacher. "Remember?"

"Well I don't," Josh said cheerfully, his eyes locking with Lucas'. "I'll do it for ya Cory."

"Uncle Josh!" Riley protested folding her arms across her chest, indignant. There wasn't any tension in her that Maya could detect as she glared at her uncle; whatever hurt she had felt by what he had told her earlier in the day had apparently faded. But then again, Maya acknowledged, as she felt a weight settle against her side, and looked down to see that Auggie had succumbed to sleep, Riley was never one to hold a grouse, especially with Lucas to distract her from all that was wrong with the world.

"Behave Josh," she bid, breaking the staring contest between the two because, even if Riley thought he was playing along with her dad, Maya didn't really buy it. Josh looked at her, chin set stubbornly, but, under her relentless gaze, he nodded and relaxed into the chair.

Matthews was focussing on them again, she realised, a second later, and, glancing at him, she felt herself shifting uncomfortably. There was something unreadable in the man's expression as he looked at his brother, and, when his chocolate gaze briefly met hers, there was a depth of seriousness there that she rarely saw.

"It's getting late," Maya said quickly, saving them from his perusal. "Josh, there's a train heading your way in twenty minutes. You'll have an hour's wait if you miss it, and since you've already proven tonight that you and NYC haven't completely gelled, you should get going."

"Hey, I thought that kid needed help."

"Yup, he needed to help himself to your wallet," she retorted. "You're lucky I didn't let him have it. That'd have taught you faster to not trust strangers. Swear you Matthews have all got a chump gene."

"Hey!" Riley protested.

"Bird," Maya said loudly, arbitrarily pointing. She didn't even check; she knew that Riley was looking for it.

"I am not that bad," Josh said after a moment, a dumbfounded edge to his words as he watched his niece's head swivel about.

"You're a tad better," she agreed, before gesturing for him to take Auggie.

He stood, and reaching her, carefully bent and scooped him up. "Come on bud," he whispered, cradling him to his chest, "let's get you to bed."

Maya smiled softly as she noted how carefully he held him, and how slow he walked so not as to jar him. It was a nice, homely scene to witness. Riley and Lucas stepped out of his way as he passed, and, after a moment, Matthews followed his brother out. Maya ran a hand through her hair, shaking it roughly for a moment before she allowed her attention to return to her friends. It had been easy to ignore them while bantering with Josh, but with the room now cleared, their full attention was on her.

"What?" she asked defensively, not at all appreciating the look on their faces.

"What are you doing?" Lucas asked tersely. "Maya, I don't like what's happening."

"I didn't realise I needed your approval," she responded. She knew her tone was a bit snide, but she couldn't re-engage her pretence from earlier, especially not when he spoke all loftily like that. Lucas acting all high and mighty would always bother her, and she couldn't help but respond to it as she had. There was no tempering herself when he acted like this. "I really hope you didn't spend your whole date thinking about what I was doing with Josh. That's a bit sad actually."

"Well one of us needs to think," he shot back. "You obviously aren't."

"Now Lucas," Riley began, her tone cajoling. "We agreed that we would have a nice, normal conversation about this, didn't we? This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Maya just should have talked to us about it first."

"Didn't realise you had a say in this Riley."

"That's not fair Maya," Lucas said. "She's your best friend."

"Exactly. Plus, you're dating my uncle Maya," Riley pointed out. "I think that I should have had a say."

"We aren't dating," Maya reminded her.

"Which makes this even worse," Lucas declared heatedly. "This isn't right. You deserve more than a game."

"Lucas," Riley snapped, "calm down."

Except he couldn't, Maya realised nervously. It wasn't easy for him to just calm down whenever he got all riled up, especially because of her. It was something they all knew well, and, given the circumstances, she could understand why Riley was annoyed by it. After all, who would want their boyfriend all worked up over their best friend's relationship status? No one would, and especially not so soon after she had finally secured him for herself.

"This isn't right Maya. You can't just go from the triangle to dating, especially him of all people. What are you aiming at?"

"Whatever I'm aiming at is none of your business Friar."

"Is he why you ended it?' Lucas half-demanded. "Did you end the triangle so you could be with him?"

"What? No," Maya said, rising from the couch.

"Well the timing is mighty convenient, ain't it?" Lucas retorted thickly, and Maya realised that his temper, like hers, was rising. Two years in New York had stolen some of his Texan accent, especially when he was speaking to a New Yorker. But, it always came back in force when he was deeply invested in what he was saying. "Is he why you wrote that letter Maya?"

"He wasn't," she responded, her voice shaky even as her fists clenched. She couldn't believe that he was bringing the letter back up. He had promised.

"Then why did you? Why did you end it like that?"

Dangerous, Maya's mind screamed. They were back on dangerous grounds, and she could not let this conversation happen. Not when Riley was here with them, her eyes wide with concern, because, even though it was obvious she wanted to say something, to intervene, she had no idea how to.

"That's none of your business cowboy," she hissed as she came to stand in front up him, glaring. "My reasons don't matter. I ended it. You can't complain now about what I'm doing. You don't have the right to, not anymore."

"Maya, Lucas is just worried," Riley interjected, drawing her attention to her. "I am too. This decision…it's rash. I don't understand how you got Uncle Josh to go along with this."

"Go along with this?" Maya repeated, confused. "Wait, you think I forced him into this?"

"Well," Riley said hesitantly, obviously a bit taken about by her reaction to her statement. "He's been pretty firm about where you and him stood until now. I just can't see him changing that. You must have convinced him somehow."

"I'm not the one who goes around convincing people to do things they don't really want to," Maya snapped, and yes, she acknowledged, when Riley recoiled, that that was a pretty low blow. However, she couldn't help but think that Riley deserved it. "I didn't tell Josh to give me his number. I don't force him to talk to me. And I certainly didn't force him to show up today. And I resent the insinuation that I'm making him do anything that he doesn't want to. He's his own person, just as I am."

"Yeah well it's kind of obvious that you're not thinking straight these days, Maya," Lucas said. "So maybe instead of acting so defensive you should just listen to what we have to say. You have no right playing games with someone who's in college. You have to see that there's something wrong with that."

Maya's eyes narrowed at that. "Yeah well I don't need to listen to you," she hissed. "Whatever Josh and I have together has nothing to do with you. It isn't any of your business, so I'll thank you to just stay out of it."

"Isn't my business?" Lucas repeated, his expression growing darker. "I think it is my concern when my friend is doing something I think is foolish."

"Well maybe you should be focussing on your girlfriend and not your friend," she growled. "Because only one of them gives a damn about what you think right about now, and newsflash buddy, it sure as hell ain't me."

Lucas scowled deeply, and for a moment Maya wondered if he was going to lose control of his temper entirely. She had never seen him so close to the edge before, and she found herself regretting giving free reign to her reckless emotions as his breathing grew audible. However, after a moment, he breathed out, a harsh sound before his entire frame, previously tense, relaxed. His voice, when he spoke next, was surprisingly level.

"You know what," he said. "I give up."

"What?" she asked, confused by the sudden change in his demeanour.

"I just don't know what to do about you anymore," he said flatly. "I thought we had fixed things last week, that we were friends again, but this right here makes it more than obvious that I was wrong about that. So, if this is how you want things to be Maya, then fine. I'll stay out of your business. This is the second time your actions have shown me that you don't care about what I think or say, and I need to respect that. I won't meddle any further in your life so you can just go on ahead and do whatever you like whenever you want with whoever catches your fancy and I just won't care. You got your way Ms. Hart. You are officially no longer my problem."

Maya felt as if a bucket of ice had been poured over her at that. She had pushed him too far, had pushed him away, and whatever truce they had made during their last conversation was now over. She searched his eyes, even as she felt a roaring starting to pound in her ears. He was serious; completely serious. There was not even a hint of a bluff there to let her know that he was testing her, trying to see just how firmly she was about this. He meant it, every word of it.

"Lucas," Riley said, shock in her voice. "You don't mean that."

"Yeah I do Riley," he responded. "I'm washing my hands of this. She can do as she pleases."

Washing his hands of her, Maya corrected numbly, her eyes staring off blankly. He was giving up on her.

"But-"

"Look, I need to be heading home anyway," she heard him say. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Lucas-"

"Good night Riley," he said firmly, cutting off any conversation. Maya heard his footsteps as he walked past her, but didn't really react until she heard the click of the door opening. She jerked back to her senses, and spun around, eyes wide as she watched him open the door. Was he really truly walking away?

"Good night Lucas," Riley said, her voice a bit despondent.

He turned then to nod at his girlfriend, before his eyes met hers. Maya found herself searching his gaze once again, for a sign, any sign, but there was only resignation and a grimness in his blue gaze before he broke the stare and walked out, the door closing with an ominous click behind him.

"Maya?" Riley asked, her tone devoid of any of her stubbornness from before. "Maya?"

But Maya didn't know what to say, how to look away from the closed door. He truly had left, was gone. She had pushed him away for a second time, but she knew more so than before that there was no coming back from this, no third time. Whatever it was they had shared before was unequivocally over. And, even as she felt Riley's arms circle her in a sideways hug, and looked up to see Matthews, expression grim, with a worried looking Josh beside him, she knew that things would never be the same again.

And that, left an already fragile heart just a little more fractured.


	14. Chapter 14

The water had long since ran cold, but it scarcely affected Maya as she stood there under the stinging spray, letting her body grow as numb as her mind felt. The Hart curse – or should she say Clutterbucket? – had struck again. Not only had she caused Lucas to walk away from her, but she had, in one fell swoop, ruined any chance of a friendship between them ever again. Riley's attempts at cheering her up after he had left had fallen on deaf ears. Unlike her best friend, Maya knew exactly how it sounded when someone shut the door for the last time, and that had definitely been the case with him. She shivered at the thought, wrapping her arms around herself in a pale comparison of a hug as she fell back, allowing the tiles to keep her upright. Riley had insisted that there was a way to fix all of this, but Maya knew better, and had left the Matthews' apartment soon after that. She just couldn't stay there and listen to whatever hair-brained plan to get him back Riley came up with. She couldn't stomach her brand of optimism right about now.

"Baby girl?

Her mother's nervous call from within the apartment was the first thing in a while to penetrate the fog that had surrounded Maya's brain. She straightened, and wiped water off her face, as her mother's voice came again, this time closer.

"I'm in here mom," she called back, her voice listless.

"Oh thank god."

The relief in her mother's voice was palpable, and Maya frowned at that. What had her mother been so worried about? The bathroom door opened, and, through the glass, Maya saw her head poke around the door. "How are you?"

She definitely knew, Maya thought, not that she should have found that shocking in any way. Matthews would have told her as soon as she and Topanga had gotten back from their girl's night out.

"Cold," Maya replied honestly, finally turning off the spray. "I've been in here a while."

"How about I make us something to drink then?" she offered her. "Something hot to warm you up?"

Maya didn't answer immediately, wrapping a towel around herself and stepping out before she did. She knew what her mother was really offering, a chance for conversation, and she wasn't sure she was interested in that. What she wanted most of all right about now was a chance to curl up in her bed and just wallow in misery for a few hours. But then again, she amended, looking at her mother's face, the conversation would definitely not mimic Riley's failed attempt at reassurance. The woman standing in front of her could relate perfectly to what she was going through right about now, and had years of experience on dealing with the aftermath. A talk with her was probably exactly what she needed in order to help her put things into perspective.

"I'd like that mom," she said softly.

She nodded, and pulled back, closing the door. Maya dried quickly; her body's needs were quickly making themselves known, and was protesting loudly against the frigid shower taken on the cusp of Fall. Shivering, she dressed, and left the room, walking blindly as she still had the towel on her head as she ruffled her hair into a mostly dry state.

"I want whip cream," she told her as she dropped down on their lumpy, and yet still ridiculously comfortable grey couch, pulling the blanket her mom curled up with whenever she was binge-watching shows over her legs for warmth.

"Coming right up!" Katy responded in her cheerful waitress voice, causing Maya to chuckle despite her melancholy.

Dumping the towel uncaringly on the floor beside her, Maya snuggled into the couch, trying to meld her entire being into its comfort until her mother walked out of the kitchen carrying two nearly overflowing oversized mugs. Maya made grabby hands for it, and, laughing her mom handed one over before settling down on the couch beside her.

"It's hot chocolate with Nutella, cinnamon, and caramel sauce. There's bites of cookies sprinkled on top of the whip cream, and if I'm forced to I may admit that I might have added a squeeze of chocolate sauce in there as well."

"God I love you," Maya said with a sigh, as she lifted the sugary delight to just sniff at it. "This is worth every cavity," she added before taking a small sip, shuddering in delight at the liquid sweetness. "What are you having?"

"The same," she responded. "Although I might have substituted the caramel and chocolate sauce with bourbon."

"Mom!" Maya gasped out, causing the woman to snicker.

"It just seems like that sort of night," she said with a shrug, taking a drag of it. "Let's just hope it pairs well with the wine."

"You've had a good night haven't you?" Maya couldn't help but ask, forgetting her own misery for a moment."

"Hey, what can I say? Topanga can definitely hold her liquor."

"I look forward to twenty-one."

Katy snorted at that. "You're my kid you know? I give it till sixteen max."

"Mom!"

"Just keeping it really baby girl," she said. "You and I are a lot alike."

"In more ways than one," Maya said sadly, her mind drawing back to Lucas. Whatever merriment she felt at her mom's state faded away.

The woman seemed to sense it because she too grew serious. They drank the rest of their drinks in silence before her mother spoke next. "You lost Lucas huh?"

"I screwed it all up mom," she whispered, running her finger around the mug's rim absentmindedly. "He's gone."

"Hurts doesn't it?"

"Like a knife in my chest that keeps turning," Maya admitted, dropping her head down against the woman's shoulder. "How can it hurt this much?"

"It's amazing isn't it," she answered, her tone contemplative. "The thing that feels so good when it's right can break you apart when it's gone. I'm sorry you have to experience it so young. A girl's first relationship should be glorious."

"It was never a relationship," Maya corrected. "I called myself his girlfriend, but that was just because Riley insisted that we even everything up all the time and she wanted to call herself that. We were just friends, the only thing we could ever have, and I lost that tonight."

"I don't think the two of you were ever just friends," she responded, fiddling with her mug as well. "You've always liked him; you just didn't know it."

"I've always liked Josh," Maya corrected, her voice wavering over the name. He had made one attempt to speak to her after Lucas had left, but between her emotions and the weird way Matthews was still observing them, she couldn't manage anything near a proper conversation with him. "Lucas was more recent. Like Texas recent."

"Texas is nearly a year away at this point," she said, and Maya, noted the way her mother's usually light and airy voice was lowering gradually the more she spoke. "Plus there's a difference between crushing on someone and liking them and I think you've got those two confused. But," she added, a bit louder, "that's not what we're talking about, isn't it?"

"No," Maya confirmed. "We're talking about how I screwed things up with Lucas. He's done with me. What should I do?"

Her mother let out her breath, her lips creating an audible vibration as she did so. "Kermit wasn't the first one to walk out on me," she responded, sliding further down onto the couch. "He probably wouldn't have been the last if I hadn't had you."

"Really?" Maya said, intrigued. This was the first she had ever heard of her mother's dating life in any real capacity.

"Yes really," she confirmed, setting the mug she had been playing with down in the space between them. "You asking me what to do ain't necessarily a good thing baby girl. Topanga and Cory are probably better."

"They been married their whole life," Maya scoffed, slouching down as well. "What do they know about getting left huh? Talk to me mom," she bid. "What did you do? What do I do?"

"I went from one guy to the next," she told her slowly, her eyes briefly closing. "I had my first boyfriend in middle school. Zack Abraham. He was so cool and had this big mop of curly hair. Not a brillo pad like Cory's," she explained further, "loose curls. He was irresistible."

"What happened?"

"I don't even remember," she said shrugging. "But I do know that after him was Anthony McGee. He lasted until high school. Zoning put me in a different school and within a week he decided that long distance was too much work. I didn't care. I had a new field to play with anyway. I think I had two to three boyfriends per year until I was a senior after that."

"That's when you met dad?" Maya asked softly when her voice drifted off.

"Yeah," she answered after a moment, her leg fidgeting. "And he swept me off his feet with those stupid good looks of his and a promise of grandeur. I suppose I wouldn't have given him the time of day if he had told me from the get go that his name was Kermit. Do you know I called him Keith until he signed our marriage certificate? I should have annulled it right there," she grumbled. "Stupid name for a stupid stupid man. Sneering at Clutterbucket when he literally shares a name with a frog."

"Mom. Me and Lucas?" Maya gently reminded her, trying to draw her mother back to the main topic as she continued to list thing after thing about what was wrong with her father. She really was drunk, Maya acknowledged, because, she had never, ever heard half of the things she was saying, and she wasn't too comfortable with that.

"Right, you and the cowboy," she said, waving her hand a bit. "Hopping about was how I dealt with the hurt. Someone cheated? New guy. I wouldn't give it up to him fast enough? Whatever, this next guy was flirting with me anyway. It's a terrible cycle, but I didn't care then. I gave up on the whole love thing after Kermit. I didn't want a revolving door of men in your life. It wouldn't have been fair to you, and probably not that safe either. It's only now that I'm trying again with Shawn, and I love him, I really do. But that doesn't mean I'm still not terrified of doing something wrong and losing him too."

Maya's eyes widened at that; she had never, ever heard her mother admit to having any doubts about her relationship with Shawn. She didn't know how to interpret that. She had never seen them anything but happy together, even when they had been doing the whole dancing around each other bit. She snuggled closer, and wrapped her arm around her mother and put her head into the space between her neck and shoulder.

"If it helps I don't think that Shawn's going anywhere," she said.

"I think so too," her mother murmured, her head resting against hers. "It doesn't make me less scared. But I know it's just a silly fear."

"It's a valid fear," she murmured back.

They were silent for a while, long enough for Maya to think that her mother had drifted off to sleep. But then, just as she made to pull away to check, her breath escaped her in a huff, and she sat up a bit straighter.

"I don't know how to help you with Lucas, Maya," she said. "Maybe he really doesn't like you anymore, or maybe his ego just got in the way when he saw you and Josh. I don't know which it is. I can't just tell you to forget about him either, because, you like him, you really do. If you didn't you wouldn't be hurting like this. I wish you weren't hurting baby girl; I never wanted you to feel the things that I have. It's the one thing I've always wanted for you, for your life to be a lot better than the mess mines was."

"Your life was never a mess mom," Maya responded, hugging her a bit tighter.

"Oh yeah? Have we've been experiencing the same thing?" she asked, even as her hands came up to grip the one Maya had about her. "If there's anything you can take from me I suppose is that it gets better if you hang in there. Because my life got better. You don't blame me for Kermit anymore. I'm not an underpaid diner waitress and I – we have Shawn. Things got better. They may for you too if you keep hoping."

"Hope is for suckers," Maya said.

"A lot of the time," she agreed, sighing. "Maybe it is this time as well? I don't know baby girl. But, for what it's worth, you will get over this. Maybe not today, tomorrow, or even a month from now. But one day you're going to wake up, and realise that it doesn't hurt as much. And when that happens, you know you're starting to move on."

"You think I can?" she inquired, "you think I can move on from him?"

"There isn't a shortage of boys Maya," her mother told her sleepily, "and, parental bias aside, you're a looker. You'd have your pick of guys if you really wanted it…girls too if you decide to go that way."

"Mom!"

"Liberal world baby," she quipped, even as she yawned. "If Lucas is truly gone there's nothing you can do to change that. Maybe things can turn around, but don't waste your time waiting for a possibility to occur. You're too young for that. You do you, and let him do him. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. And if it isn't…at least you won't regret waiting around for nothing."

"Is that why you were okay with me going out with Josh?" she asked a moment. "Mom?"

She didn't respond, and, looking down, Maya realised that her mother had succumbed to the effects of her drinks for that night. Smiling softly at her, Maya kissed her temple tenderly before freeing herself. Their conversation was definitely over for tonight. She made quick work of the dishes, actually hung up the towel, ensured that the front door was bolted, and then, turned off the lights. Afterwards, she returned to the couch, glad that they were tiny and that it was wide. It wasn't too difficult to manoeuvre her mother so that she was laying fully on the couch, and pulling the blanket over the both of them, Maya cuddled against her. It was a tight fit, and, if either one of them tried to roll she would end up on the floor, but right now, this was all she wanted, the safety of her mother's presence next to her as she drifted off to sleep.

*

She didn't sleep for too long. She couldn't, not with the way her mother started to shift and roll about so yes, she did indeed end up on the floor. She got up, grumbling and a bit disoriented from the rude awakening. Pausing long enough to cover her mother properly once again, she decided to be a good daughter and ensured that there was a glass of water and two tablets waiting for her. Her mother having a bit too much to drink was a rare occurrence, but, Maya had seen more than enough shows and movies to know how to stave off a hangover.

Satisfied that she had done all that she could, Maya padded to her bedroom, slumping against the door once she had closed it and allowing her eyes to briefly drift close. She was tired, very tired, but her mind had already started tossing memories and images of the night back to her and she knew that sleeping would be impossible, not unless she wanted to risk nightmares, and, that was the last thing she needed on top of everything else. She shivered as a blast of cold air came through her window, and grumbling she crossed the room to close it, grunting when it took a bit of effort to do so. Damn thing needed oiling again, she mused, making a note to let Shawn take care of it the next time he came by.

Maya dropped heavily down onto her bed, only to wince when something jabbed into her thigh. Pulling it out, she saw that it was her phone. She almost tossed it aside in vexation, but hesitated when she saw the flashing red light that indicated that there were notifications waiting for her attention. Reluctantly, acknowledging that she could use a distraction, she unlocked the phone while simultaneously scooting back until she could brace her back against the wall. Well, she realised, her phone really had had a busy night while she had been out there with her mother.

She had a few miscellaneous messages: a picture of a flier from Liam, a couple of suggestions in the show choir's group chat for ways they could round off the dance number they had to perform the following week, and an emoji filled message from Shane topped off with one of those ridiculous blowing kisses smileys that had her rolling her eyes at his blatant behaviour. He wasn't even trying to be subtle anymore, she grumbled to herself before deleting the message. That was the only response he needed. There were also a few missed calls recorded, something she had not immediately noticed, and with a bit more trepidation now, she pulled up the logs. Josh had tried to call her four times, Farkle twice and Zay once. They knew, she realised. Riley or Lucas had told them. It really was real.

She laid her head back against the wall for several minutes, simply allowing that realisation to wash over her before, reluctantly, she opened her eyes again and brought the phone back up. There were a few message strings wanting her attention, and opening the most recent, she found a series of messages from Josh, the last sent a little over two hours ago. Why had he even been trying to talk to her then, she wondered, scrolling upwards. He was concerned about her, asking her to call or message him to let him know how she was doing. How did he expect her to be, she thought agitatedly, before forcing herself to temper her emotions. It wasn't Josh's fault. He couldn't have possibly foreseen this outcome. He had just wanted to do something nice for her, and her own stupid actions had caused it to backfire. He wasn't culpable. She was. If anything, he should have been annoyed with her for ruining what was supposed to be a great night for him. Even if he had still gone to his party, he couldn't have been having that good a time, not if he had been messaging and calling her. She tapped off a quick response to him, an apology, before moving on. That was the best she could do for now. If she were really lucky, he would forgive her. If not…just one more failure to add to the count.

She opened Farkle's messages next. The tone of them were frantic at first. He went from asking her if she were okay, to demanding she tell him where she was, what she was doing, and who she was with. She was puzzled by the questions for a moment, before recalling what had happened the last time she had walked away while upset. She had turned up with a police escort and would have been in real trouble if the man had not been in a forgiving mood. He was worried for her, and she sighed as she realised that she had given him good reason to be. "Sorry Farkle," she whispered, even as she scrolled down to the final ones. Apparently her mother had taken the time to let the Matthews know that she was home because his last message simply stated that he was glad that she was safe with her mother and that he would come talk to her the next day. Well, later on today, she amended, noting that it was a little after three in the morning. "Everything won't be okay Farkle," she told the phone, even as she responded with a single acknowledgement to his words.

There was no fixing this, no more do overs. Maybe if she hadn't been so obtuse with him before he might have been more willing to forgive her, but, it didn't seem as if Lucas had a three strike policy, not if his demeanour was anything to go by. And truthfully, she supposed, she had been lucky enough that he had forgiven her that first time. She doubted that there was really anything she could do or say this time around to change his mind again, not after she had blown things so spectacularly after less than a week. She sniffled at that, and wiped her hand across her nose.

There was nothing Farkle could say to him that would help her out of this situation; she doubted that any of them would be able to intercede with Lucas on her behalf. He was stubborn, very stubborn, just like she was. His mind was made up; there would be no going back. But, she supposed, it would be nice to just have Farkle's unassuming presence for a while. He had always proved to be a good shoulder for her to rest her head on, and, that was something she truly needed right about now if she were to pick up the pieces.

A startled burst of laughter escaped her when she opened Zay's message. It was a single line, but expressed his sentiments perfectly. "If you don't see me Monday, it's because I'm in jail for killing my ass of a best friend." It was such a Zay thing to say that briefly, she felt her mood lift. She didn't quite understand why, but Zay always took her side on things, even if it went against the popular opinion. And now, it seemed, he was even willing to tackle Lucas on her behalf. Her merriment faded though with that thought. He and Lucas at odds with each other was equivalent to her and Riley fighting. It would be devastating and unfortunate, and she would be the cause of it. It would just be one next thing for Lucas to hate her for, her turning his best friend against him.

Her fault.

Everything was her fault.

Once again she had screwed up.

Once again she had put their friend group into a situation where inevitably, choices would have to be made. They would have to choose her or Lucas, something from the very start she had wanted to avoid. She had to think of something she thought frantically. There had to be a way to convince them to stay with Lucas, to protect him. She didn't deserve their care, not after what she had done. She was the fool who kept causing these awkward moments to arise. If she had just kept her mouth shut in Texas and hadn't acted so weird Riley would have been none the wiser to her feelings. Lucas would have asked her to be his girlfriend as she knew he had been trying to do on Pappy Joe's porch and Riley would have said yes. Everything would have fallen perfectly into place after that, and they would have been well on their way to being Mr. and Mrs. Perfect. Her feelings would have counted for nothing; no one would have ever known. How could they? She had kept them hidden away so well until then, she would have continued to do so effortlessly.

She should have tried harder to stop it from the get go, should have never allowed herself to end up along with Lucas at that fireplace. And even after, she could have and should have kicked his ass right back to Riley's side. She should have never allowed the triangle to form, never have made it so that Lucas had any real difficulty in making a choice. She should have never allowed any of this to have gotten to this point. It was because of her and her stupid weakness and desire for more than she deserved that they were in this position.

She should have known better than to believe, to hope. Why had she forgotten that happiness for her always came with a price? She had gotten Riley as her friend all those years ago when her parents' fighting had been at its worst, and she had revelled in the happiness that came from being with her. And, less than a month later what had happened? Her father had left. She had gotten one good thing at the price of another. Why had she allowed herself to forget that? If she had everything would have been so much better. She would have known better than to hope that she could ever compete with Riley over someone's affections. She should have just settled into what life meant for her to have and accepted that all she could get from Lucas was friendship.

But no, she had been selfish, stupid and just overall moronic. She had somehow thought that she could have Josh, no matter how foolhardy their long-game concept was, while retaining Lucas as a friend. It was simple. She had just wanted too much out of life, and now she was being punished for her greediness, punished with the realisation that if her friend group crumpled, it would be because of her and her desire for more. She couldn't deal with that, couldn't bear the thought of friendships falling apart because of her.

She pressed a hand over her mouth to stifle the loud sob that would have otherwise escaped. Somehow she had to fix it. She couldn't let the rest of them suffer because of her. One way or another, she would have to convince them that she was the one who had to be let go, not Lucas. They needed him, not her as their friend, and, in Riley's case, as a boyfriend. She was immaterial.

All that was left was for her to find a way to make that a reality.


	15. Chapter 15

As quietly as possible, Maya slipped out of the apartment, locking the door behind her. Her mother was still slumbering on the couch, and would wake up, hopefully happy to find breakfast in the kitchen that just needed to be reheated. Pulling her jacket tighter around her as she reached the already bustling street, Maya walked swiftly, heading towards Christopher Park. It was barely seven in the morning, early for even her standards on the weekend, but Maya felt as if she would have gone crazy if she had remained in the apartment for a minute longer with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company. She needed to get out and move, to take in the crisp air and have some human interaction with people who knew absolutely nothing about the mess her life was in.

She forced herself to smile as she passed Mrs. Espinoza on a street corner, accepted with thanks a hot empanada from Miguel, a middle aged man originally from Colombia who had always looked out for her. In the early days of her wandering, before Riley, she had found herself in his small café more than once, drawn in by the music and a language she, at the time, barely understood. Miguel had never run her; without fail he would offer her something to eat and talk to her in between customers. Eventually, as she grew older and more competent, she would help him out a bit in the café, simple tasks like running to the butcher or grocer for him, or hanging out at the register while he popped into the backroom for a few minutes. And Riley wondered how Spanish was such an easy subject for her now, Maya thought with a bit of wry amusement. How could she not find it simple growing up as she did in a neighbourhood teeming with native Spanish speakers? Even her mother, who admittedly was not as integrated as her knew enough to hold her own in conversations.

The empanada was cold and hard by the time Maya arrived at the park, but she ate it anyway, seated on a dirty bench while watching the rainbow coloured graffiti she had painted on the wall in weeks prior. For all that the police officer had complained about it he hadn't gone out of his way to have it repainted. She shifted, crossing her legs in front of her as she stared at it, trying and failing to recapture the emotions she had felt when she had done the art. That had been a dark moment for her. She had been frustrated beyond relief with Riley, with what her life had become, and all of the assumptions that had been pressing down on her.

And yet, despite all of that, she had painted the word "Hope" with the universal symbol for love in it. Why was that, she wondered. Why had she gone back to the one thing that frightened her the most? And why was it now, when she was filled with guilt, regret and melancholy, she felt drawn back to it? Despite the chaotic darkness of the night before, and the turbulent thoughts that had chased her into her sleep, Maya couldn't get the word out of her mind. It plagued her, worse than a silly song on repeat that just could not be ignored. Over and over snippets of memories came to her.

Mr. Matthews remarking that hope looked great on her.

Riley begging her to accept the fact that she deserved happiness.

Lucas helping her to find the strength to believe in something.

Farkle joining her ridiculous campaign to keep art funding at the middle school.

The feeling she had had when she had put that picture in the capsule.

How she had felt when Josh had initiated the long game.

The joyousness that had nearly brought her to her knees alongside her mother when Shawn had proposed.

Hope had propelled her to and through all of those moments, her mind seemed to scream, and, looking at her art now, Maya wondered again at what had brought her here. Why was her subconscious blaring at her to not give it up again? She didn't know and she didn't have a clue of how to start unravelling the mess within her mind and heart, and yet she knew that that was what she had to do if she were to have any chance of easing the pain she felt. She tilted her head to the side, and caught sight of the statue of four children; it was badly in need of cleaning, but, just like her six-year-old self, Maya found herself fascinated by it.

She hadn't understood the statue back then, couldn't picture how people could ever be so close-knit that someone would immortalise their friendship like this. Did relationships like that really exist, her younger self had wondered, and could she ever hope to find one? She hadn't believed that possible, and yet, not too long after that, she had, desperate for some sort of happiness, climbed through a window in search of the person singing such a silly yet joyful tune. And that had been that; she had gotten her first real friend. And Farkle, her often neglected, but still very much loved Farkle had come to them not too long after that. She had gotten what she had desired, real friendship, and so much had resulted from that.

It had been the one constant in her life for so long. With Riley she had found the peace and stability she had craved. She had worried at times that the Matthews would get rid of her. After all, who could put up with an extra child who showed up day after day, and, come the school year, would be right there by Riley's side waiting to come home with her, and then, at the start of middle school, would arrive bright and early to go to school with her?

They did.

From the start, even when she had still been wary of them, the Matthews had accepted her. Had started to set a space at their table for her. Brought home snacks and presents for two, not one. And, not a moment after Riley had surrendered Auggie that afternoon when he had been born, Cory had handled the squirming bundle to Maya, and had given her the exact same lecture on how to hold him. Even with his birth her place with them had been assured. And all of that had come to her through Riley.

Maya sat up straighter as a sudden thought came to her, and once again, her eyes were riveted on her graffiti. She had always thought that her joy was meant to be tempered by sadness. Wasn't that exactly what had gone through her mind the night before? But, was that really true? Maya stood up, ignoring the stiffness in her legs as she walked to the wall, and put her hand over the heart she had painted. She'd drawn it at a time when she couldn't tell up from down, when everything had just been too much. And…it hadn't failed her? Hadn't she ended those few tumultuous days with a greater understanding of her place within their friend group, with a reassurance that they would always love her and be there for her, no matter what happened? Yes, she had fought with Riley and Lucas, and had distanced herself from them, but hadn't that presented her with the chance to meet Liam and Emily? If she hadn't fought with them, she wouldn't be in those clubs now, wouldn't have a performance happening soon, and probably wouldn't be talking to Shane.

And, if Lucas hadn't been so painfully blunt with her at the lodge, maybe Josh wouldn't have gone out of his way to talk to her, to reassure her. And yes, now Lucas wanted nothing to do with her, but in the aftermath of that, she had had the most candid conversation to date with her mother, and that, painful topic aside, was not a bad thing. She felt as if the dynamics between them had been forever changed, and in a good way. Her fingers ghosted upwards, and, without her even realising it, Maya found herself tracing along the word in its entirety.

Hope.

A word so closely tied in with faith and belief that at times it was hard to not think of one without the other. Perhaps she had been too far lost the night before to have seen anything beyond the despair she had felt. But now, here, with her own message screaming at her from the wall, Maya felt her perspective expand a bit. All wasn't lost, even if she didn't have Lucas, even if the promise they had all made at the Bay Window no longer held true. There was so much she had left, so much she could do. Who was to say that this wasn't how everything was meant to unfold? A quote came to her mind, from a play or movie she couldn't quite recall at the moment. But, she knew the gist of it.

"Everyone comes for a reason," she murmured. "Some for a moment, some for a lifetime. All leave a mark on you, but it's up to you to decide what impact that mark has."

Her hand stilled its movement, and, she stepped back far enough that she could watch the art in its entirety once again. Everything felt a lot better now, she realised. The crushing weight on her chest had eased. Yes, nothing had changed, but she felt different, stronger in a way. Maybe that was why she was here, to get this reminder, to believe that things could improve. She couldn't see how, but maybe that was the beauty of it? There was no one in the world who could claim to know how every aspect of their life would unfold, the mystery of it was a part of the human condition. But, that didn't mean that she had to live in dread of what was to come, didn't mean she had to worry about how her falling out with Lucas would affect their group collectively. Because she knew her place with them; had had that affirmed to her right here in this very park. Yes, things were different. Yes things would, and perhaps, had to change, but, that didn't mean that she had to lose everything. And, she knew that, even though he was angry with her now, Lucas wouldn't want that either. He wouldn't want her to be alone, because of him.

It would be hard, it would be awkward, but there had to be a way to resolve this. She had to believe in that, to believe in the good that the world had to offer, because to do otherwise would put her right back into that box she had argued with Riley that she had freed herself from. She had to remember what it was she wanted, who she wanted to be. She couldn't regress back into that, not because of Lucas, not because of her fears. It wasn't healthy; she hadn't understood that back then. It wasn't until she had let herself believe that she deserved something good in her life that she had realised just how great the world could be, could see that there was a beauty to it that existed beyond the safe haven she had with Riley. She couldn't let herself be lost in that negativity again; were she to do that, she would be putting the very impositions on herself that she had fought with Riley about.

"I don't want that," she said aloud. "I don't want to be alone…I deserve more."

She knew that it was just her imagination, but, in that moment, it seemed as if the drawing started to radiate, the colours taking on a life of their own the longer she stared at it, lending her strength, reassuring her that, she could truly do this.

She just needed to believe in that, and trust that, everything would be okay.

*

Maya found Farkle's expression a bit humorous. She supposed that this was not quite the state he had expected to find her in when he had called her earlier, asking where they should meet. And, she acknowledged, taking a sip of her smoothie and allowing her eyes to drift around the subway café, he would have found the Maya he had expected to had he met her earlier that morning. Now, not quite so much.

"Sorry I'm not a broken mess Farkle," she half-joked, "should have come last night if you wanted water-works."

He didn't laugh or even snort in return as she had half-expected. Instead, his eyes grew sombre. "You cried?" he asked sadly.

"A little," she admitted, playing around with her straw a bit. "But I'm doing better now."

"How can you be?" he asked, perplexed. "When Riley called me…I didn't know if I should go to her or you first."

Maya took a next sip of her smoothie to hide her own contemplative look from him. He had chosen Riley over her for the second time. She wasn't bothered by that fact really, after all, he had still shown concern for her, but, she found it…interesting to say the least. She couldn't help but wonder if he was aware of his own actions.

"Did Smackle mind you ending your date early?" she inquired.

He was confused by the question, and, she supposed, it really had come out of nowhere given what they were talking about. "She was okay with it," he said. "She said I would have been distracted anyway if I had stayed. Anyway," he continued, redirecting the conversation, "are you sure you're okay? Maya…what happened, it was big."

She took a sip to buy herself a moment to organise her thoughts before she responded to him. "I'm not okay," she finally said, "but I'm starting to realise that I haven't been okay for a while now. I think I will be though," she concluded, meeting his gaze.

"You were so much better this past week," Farkle lamented. "Lucas should have never said what he did."

"I pushed him too far," she responded, grimacing as she recalled her behaviour the previous night. She supposed that her time in the park had given her a bit more clarity. She knew that while she had caused the situation to escalate to the level that it had, it was because of the attitude Lucas had adopted with her. That, and the sting from Riley's words had heightened her emotions, but overall, all of them could have reacted and responded differently.

"It doesn't matter," Farkle declared. "Friends don't just stop being friends like he did."

"Greater things than friendships have ended over disagreements Farkle," she answered quietly, her mind briefly drifting back to her parents' relationship.

"Yes but not like this," he rebutted, his pitch rising slightly.

Maya looked at him, actually looked at him, and felt a rush of sympathy as she saw the clear conflict in her genius' expression. It was only then that it occurred to her how much of an effect this was having on him, logical, rational Farkle who was still trying to grasp the nuances of emotions and the complicated reality of relationships. He didn't have the experiences she had, didn't have the understanding of how a person could reach a point where they snapped, and the feelings they had had either disappeared or transformed into something else entirely. He was struggling to comprehend it even as he tried to be there for her, and she felt the love she had for him increase at that realisation.

Her mind drifted back to middle school, when Lucas had just integrated into their group, seemingly without a hitch, only for Farkle to question their friendship due to Billy's bullying. It was only then that they all realised that Farkle had, from the start, questioned Lucas' motives. He just couldn't see how someone like Lucas could want to be friends with him, and it had taken Lucas standing up to Billy on his behalf for it to truly sink in. It was one of the reasons she and Riley had pushed Farkle towards Smackle; he learnt best about the human condition from experiencing it, but this was definitely not something Maya wanted Farkle to learn about from first-hand experience. He was her precious bird, and she wanted him safe from that pain.

She reached over and flicked his nose, startling him out of his thoughts. "Everything is going to be okay," she reassured him.

He stared at her questioningly, as if sussing out the sincerity of her words, before he smiled, a small crooked one that made him look absolutely adorable, and had her resisting the urge to flick his nose again. "I don't want you to leave us again," he said softly. "But that's selfish of me, isn't it?"

"I had every intention of leaving again last night," she revealed, and she bit back a sigh as his face fell. "I thought I would be doing everyone a favour."

"But you don't think that anymore?" he asked, and she could hear the lilt of hope in his voice.

"I don't want to go," she revealed. "I love you all too much to want that again."

"But…?"

"But it won't be easy," she acknowledged, ignoring the way a kernel of unease welled within her at just the thought of walking into the bakery and seeing everyone save Lucas greeting her, of hearing him speak and knowing that none of it would be directed her way. It hurt to just think about it, and she didn't know if and how she could endure the full reality of it. "I'll have to find a way to make it work, but I don't know how to do that yet."

"We'll find a way," Farkle promised, "even if we have to make some sort of schedule."

"We shouldn't have to have a schedule," she returned. "It's unnatural."

"But-"

"We'll find a way Farkle," she reassured him, forcing a smile to her face. "But, I want you to know, that even if I'm not around as much anymore, it doesn't mean that I don't love you guys okay? Because I do, and I always will."

"And we love you too," he returned immediately.

They fell silent for a few minutes, both of them working on finishing their drinks.

"Riley's really worried about you," Farkle said then. "She thinks you'll never forgive her."

Maya looked at him, startled. "What are you talking about?" she asked.

"You left Maya," Farkle replied simply. "Riley said she was apologising to you and you left."

Maya could only stare at him in confusion for long moments. She didn't remember much between the time Lucas had left and she had gotten home, intent on drowning herself in cold water. She knew that Riley had been talking, had felt her trying to hug her, but she really hadn't listened in any real way to what she was saying. Even now, trying to, nothing came to mind.

Farkle continued to speak then, breaking the silence that had descended upon them. "She was absolutely miserable last night. She said she'd ruined everything."

"But she didn't," Maya responded. "Farkle, she didn't do anything."

"She thinks she did," he told her. "She still hasn't called you right? She's afraid to. She thinks you hate her again now."

"Why would I-" Maya broke off then, recalling how Riley had flinched when she had thrown that comment in her direction about her being manipulating. It had upset her at the time, still did to a certain extent, she supposed, but she didn't begrudge Riley for it in anyway. Indeed, Maya had mostly forgotten about that given what had happened afterwards. "Farkle," she said seriously, "what did she tell you?"

"That she made everything worse," he answered immediately. "That she prodded Lucas into helping her confront you only for this to happen. That she broke her promise to you."

"This isn't her fault," Maya said. "She couldn't have known what would happen."

"But she did play a part in it," Farkle answered. "Maya, Riley didn't mean for any of this to happen. There isn't anything that matters more to Riley than your friendship. She loves you so much Maya, and yeah, I think we all know that how she goes about showing that goes awry sometimes, but you do know that she loves you right? You. Riley didn't even mention Lucas outside of how what he said affected you. You're her concern. You've always been. Even from the start of all of this, Riley's been spending her time trying to figure out how to mend things with you. I would have come to you today anyway Maya, but Riley specifically asked me to check on you because she didn't want you alone, even if you didn't feel safe enough to be with her."

"I thought she would be more worried about Lucas," she admitted, her voice slightly choked. "I left because I thought she was just trying to find a way to fix things so she wouldn't be stuck in the middle of me and Lucas."

"How can she when you're her number one concern?"

Maya didn't say anything for a while after that. She couldn't, not with the way her thoughts were racing. She was number one in Riley's life, much like the brunette was to her, and yet, somehow she had believed that Lucas would have surpassed her once he and Riley became official. But how could she have ever thought that, believed that Riley would be able to transplant the love she had for her onto someone else. Riley loved her, and should have never doubted that, should have never allowed her emotions to blind her to the point where she couldn't see that Riley's first concern would be for her, and not her boyfriend.

"I've been so stupid," she breathed out.

"I think you've all been dumb-dumbs," he corrected, the name drawing a chuckle form her despite the situation. "Go to her," Farkle said simply. "Go to your best friend Maya. Forget about us for now, forget about Lucas. Go sort out yourself and Riley. Everything will fall into place after that."

"You think so Farkle?" she asked, even as she stood and shrugged her jacket back on.

"I'm the genius, aren't I?"

"You are, she answered as she moved to his side, surprising him by bending to kiss his cheek. "Thank you Farkle," she whispered to him.

"You're welcome," he answered, even as he raised a hand to touch the spot, a bit of a blush colouring his cheeks. "Message me later?"

"I will," she promised before hurrying away.

She had been so tied up in her own thoughts, her own misery, that she had forgotten that Riley had to have been affected by this as well. She broke into a sprint, oblivious to the looks and protests she got from people as she navigated around them, recalling what Josh had said to her before. That she was ridiculous if she thought that Riley would be okay with her stepping away. Of course she wouldn't be. It had to have hurt her to watch her leave, knowing that she was rejecting her help and her apologies. She had been too blind to consider that, had been prepared to put even more hurt onto the brunette by removing herself from the group once again. That final thought put even more speed into Maya's steps as she got to Riley's street, and finally to the fire escape. Her breath was racing, but that didn't stop her from scrambling up the stairs as fast as she could.

She had a friendship to save.


	16. Chapter 16

"Riley!"

The brunette's name was on Maya's lips as she hurried through the window, barely wincing when, in her haste, she clipped her elbow against the frame. It smarted, but she knew that her jacket had saved her from any real damage, and so she instantly dismissed it. Riley was at her desk, textbooks and papers in front of her. She turned immediately at the frantic call of her name, and Maya swallowed as she took in her face. Riley was shocked to see her, that much was evident, but her eyes…her eyes conveyed just how hard the past night had been for her. Even from where she was, Maya could see the lingering redness and the puffiness of her lower lids. Riley had cried, cried a lot if her face was anything to go by, and Maya instinctively wanted to rid her of all discomfort.

"Peaches?" Riley said, her voice both hesitant and disbelieving as if she was worried that she was hallucinating.

Maya didn't respond. She stood, and wordlessly held out her arms to her. Riley stared at her for one, two, three seconds, before, with a cross between a cry and a laugh, launched out her chair. Maya met her halfway. Their collision was a tad painful, but Maya didn't care in the least as they wrapped their arms tightly around each other. Maya immediately tucked her head into the space between Riley's head and shoulder, even as, with one hand, she reached up to stroke over her tangled mess of brown hair.

"I'm here," Maya whispered, her voice thick with emotion. Riley didn't respond, but Maya felt the way she gripped her even tighter. "I'm here Honey," she told her, reassuringly. "You're okay, we're okay."

She supposed, seconds later, that Riley's sound had been a bit loud because, the bedroom door opened, and, over Riley's shoulder, Maya found Topanga looking in at them. Maya lifted her hand off Riley's hair long enough to wave at her; Topanga smiled, a look of pure relief on her face before she closed the door once again. Finally, Maya pulled back, a difficult task given how Riley refused to let her go. She reached up to thumb a bit of moisture away from the corner of Riley's eye, before she walked them backwards to the Bay Window, tumbling Riley down onto it beside her.

"Maya I am so sorry," Riley said immediately, her voice wobbling.

"Shhhh," Maya cooed, as she reached for a large cushion and handed it over to her. Riley latched on to it and instantly pulled it to her chest, hugging it close. It would give her something to do beside wring her hands nervously, Maya thought as she twisted so they were facing each other.

"Maya-" Riley began again.

"Farkle told me what you said," Maya interrupted gently. "Riley, you don't have to apologise. You didn't do anything wrong last night."

"I did everything wrong," she rebutted, her eyes watering, "the worst of which is what I accused you of doing with Josh."

Maya paused before responding, allowing herself to isolate and dwell on those few seconds from the night before. "It did hurt when you said that," Maya admitted. "I couldn't believe that you would think me capable of that sort of manipulation, but Riles, I get it. You were upset. People say things they don't mean when they're upset."

"It doesn't excuse it," Riley told her tearfully. "I should never have said that."

"Maybe," she agreed, reaching over to pat her knee reassuringly. "But Riley, that isn't why I left you last night. I didn't leave because of you. Please understand that. Everything…everything was just too much," she said, trying to put how she had felt into words. "It was like if all the walls were just coming down around me. I just had to get out…it was either that or explode, and I didn't want to do that."

"That's my fault too," Riley pointed out. "None of this would have happened if I hadn't reacted so badly to everything."

"You aren't responsible for what Lucas chose to do," she said softly, ignoring the way her voice cracked over his name. She forced herself to stamp down the feelings that came with remembering. She couldn't deal with that now. Riley was her focus, and she was absolutely more important to Lucas. "We're responsible for our own actions; don't blame yourself for him."

"He wouldn't have been so upset if I…if I hadn't egged him on," she explained, sniffling a bit. "I was mad Maya. I didn't understand why you were with Uncle Josh. He didn't either. You kept such a big secret from me Maya. Do you know how weird that was for Uncle Josh to just show up to take you on a date? I thought that it was you trying to make me mad…make us mad."

"Like before," Maya guessed, "when I yelled at you guys."

Riley nodded despondently, rubbing at her nose before she continued speaking. "We decided that we needed to talk to you about it, to sort everything out again because it wasn't fair for you to use him against us. I-I know," she added quickly when Maya made to speak, "I know now how stupid I was for thinking like that now. But Maya, you have to admit it's weird…at least I think it's weird."

"Why?" Maya couldn't help but ask, "because he's your uncle?"

"No," she answered. "Well, yeah in a way I guess. Maya I don't want to be your niece," she declared, and Maya laughed ruefully at her statement. "But, I suppose there are worse things in the world than my best friend dating my uncle. But Maya, the timing is weird don't you think. And…"

"And?" Maya pressed when she hesitated.

Riley twisted her mouth slightly, and Maya immediately realised that, whatever it was that Riley wanted to say, she was afraid that she would react badly to it.

"Don't make me call ring power," Maya warned, although her tone was largely teasing. Unlike Riley, she didn't need to invoke it for matters like this. So far, she had only ever used it to force Riley into trying something new that, perhaps, danced carefully on the line of what could be considered appropriate behaviour.

"You won't be happy," Riley hedged.

"Just tell me," Maya said with a sigh, steeling herself for the worst.

"I just thought it weird that you were dating Uncle Josh because I thought you liked someone else."

Maya stared at her for a long moment at that, dumbfounded. Of all the things she had expected Riley to say, that had been nowhere on the list. "Who?" she couldn't help but ask, because, she highly doubted that Riley was talking about Lucas.

Riley fidgeted, mangling the pillow in her hands as she spoke. "I followed you around," she revealed, not looking at her. "I saw you hanging out with a guy in the art room? But then there's that other guy you're always walking with in the corridors…the one who carries your stuff for you."

"Liam and Shane?" Maya said, voice a bit incredulous. "You think I like them?"

"One of them at least," Riley grumbled, tossing the pillow aside. "You're always alone with them."

Maya couldn't help it. Despite the seriousness of Riley's expression, she tossed her head back and laughed. "Riley," she said, once she had gotten herself back under control. "They're in my clubs. Yeah I hang out with them, but we're hardly ever alone. Liam and I are just friends…well…if you consider that a friendship," she added wryly thinking about how they traded barbs and insults more often than not, "and Shane's…Shane," she finished lamely, because there was no easy way to explain that situation, and, she wasn't even sure she really wanted to get into that. Even now Shane, oh so persistent Shane, had a few messages, still unchecked, languishing on her phone.

"So you don't like them?" Riley pressed, looking at her squarely now.

"I don't like like them," Maya clarified, "but on most days I find them…tolerable."

"Oh," Riley said simply.

"Yeah oh," Maya shot back. "And why did you think I'd be mad about that?" she couldn't help but ask.

"I wasn't sure if I could," Riley admitted.

Maya felt a bit of the good mood in her fade a bit at that at the hesitancy in Riley's tone. This was exactly why this conversation needed to happen she realised. Something had gone wrong between them, something that had left them with this sort of tentativeness between them. They had never walked on egg shells around each other before, not even about really important matters. And yet here was Riley revealing that she didn't feel comfortable enough to ask Maya about something as insignificant about new friendships.

But then again, Maya noted, there was a reason she hadn't mentioned Josh to Riley.

Maya reached out, and took Riley's hands into her own. "I think I have to tell you sorry too Riley," she told her.

"For what?"

"For doubting you," she answered. "And for putting doubts into your mind about me."

"Maya-"

"I see it now," Maya interrupted. "What I told you the last time, you took it badly didn't you? Of course you did," she said, answering her own question. "Because you weren't being malicious when you were trying to fix me. You were doing it because you loved me, but since I reacted badly to it, you lost touch…you weren't sure if and how you could continue being there for me without risking hurting me. So you followed me around instead of just asking, and you were scared that I'd left you again because you thought whatever it was you and Lucas agreed upon doing cost me his friendship, and that I would hate you for it."

Riley nodded, sucking on her lip.

"And I was afraid too," Maya continued. "Afraid to trust you about Josh, about everything really, because I didn't want to risk you finding fault with it, finding fault with what I'm doing or want to do. So I hid it from you so I could continue to have your approval. Because I didn't want you to judge what I've been doing and find it lacking."

"Like when I had the bully," Riley replied softly. "I didn't want you to see me humiliated. And you didn't want me to see you as being anything but…"

"Strong? Indifferent to whatever it is the world throws at me?" Maya offered, with a sad smile.

"I've always had to dig deeper with you Maya," Riley revealed, meeting her gaze, "because of that same thing. You're always been so gentle…careful with me from the beginning, but there are very few other people you let see that side of you. To everyone else, you're dark…mysterious," she said, and despite herself Maya ducked her head briefly as she recalled someone else who had described her as that, someone who no longer sported that bowl-cut hairstyle that, while ridiculous on anyone else, had suited him quite well.

"You don't let anyone else in, you go out of your way to act tough, to be tough. You hurt people before they hurt you, and that's hard for me sometimes Maya, because while sometimes your indifference is true, other times you're just doing that to hide how much things affect you. And that's why I always pay so much attention, and prod at you, because it's the only way I can tell what's real and what's not, if you're really just feeling that way, or are hiding something. I guess it's only now that it bothers you more. Maybe because I'm the one affecting you?" she finished, tentatively.

Maya had to think about that for a moment, to see if Riley was really right. She wasn't stupid, she knew how difficult at times Riley found it to deal with her, especially in her wilder moments, and, she was absolutely right, Maya knew that she acted out in order to hide deeper issues. She had ended up setting off the sprinklers in the middle school History class after all in the seventh grade after she realised just how much harder things were, and that, her assignments would be little more than rubbish without any of the resources anyone else had, or at the very least, a parent to sit and help her struggle through with it. Even now, she knew, Riley thought that that had been her just wanting to have more time for fun. Of course, Maya couldn't deny that at times, Riley made the right deductions and indeed, helped push her out of it into a better path – key among that her attempt at reverse psychology that had successfully gotten her to help save the arts. But at other times, like her whole neurotic idea that she had suddenly started to pretend to be her…she could be so, so wrong, and Maya was the one to pay the price in those instances.

And it had burnt, burnt her so badly that yes, Maya realised, she had indeed put up a bit of a defence against her best friend, trying to shield herself from that hurt. And, even with their first reconciliation, she hadn't lowered that barrier, perhaps too wary of it happening again. It hadn't', not this time, despite what Riley thought, but, now that she was aware of what she had subconsciously done, Maya felt a feeling of sadness well up within her, that they had come to the point where she had felt the need to protect herself from Riley, the one person she treasured most in the world.

"I don't like hiding things from you," Maya said simply, and now it was her whose voice was thick with emotions. "Riley, I can't hide myself from every single person. I've always been true with you, from the start." And she had been. Riley had been the one around whom she had let her mask slip year after year when birthdays and Christmases rolled around and there was nothing but silence from her father. Riley had been the one she had called years ago, trembling and scared because her mother had had to pull an overnight shift and there had been a thunderstorm and she just couldn't bare it. Riley had always been the one she had trusted enough to be vulnerable with. Yes Farkle had seen fragments of that over the years, and Lucas as well to a certain point, but it was Riley she had been her true self with. She wanted them to return to that point. "I'm sorry."

"No Peaches," Riley intoned. "I'm sorry. I should have never let it get this far."

"I didn't even realise."

"I should have realised."

"I should have realised," Maya returned with equal ferocity. "Somehow we let it all get away from us. I-I don't even know when it started, but I know I don't want it to go any further. Riley, I love you, I love you so much, and nothing has or will change that."

"I love you too," Riley returned. "You're my heart Maya," she continued, and they both chuckled at the pun. "Maybe…maybe that we know now, we can fix it?"

"There's that f word again," Maya joked, causing them both to laugh. "But I think you're right Riles," she added once they had settled down. "I think this is something we can definitely fix."

"But how?"

"Communication," Maya said simply, playing with her fingers. "No more assumptions, no more inferring. We see something, we feel something, we talk, just like we used to, okay? Because we don't judge each other. We just listen and support each other and figure out our problems in the best way possible."

"Or the worst way," Riley shot back.

Maya chuckled at that. "No matter what we stand by each other. Riley, this world…it's hard, it's cruel, and I know you still don't see that, but I do, and you've always been what's gotten me through it. I don't want that to change. Let's not let that change. There's no thunder without lightning, and there's no me without you."

"Even if you're making new friends?" Riley asked, a bit tentatively.

"Even then," Maya replied. "And that's the same for you? Even though you have a boyfriend now?"

Riley nodded. "Of course Peaches. It's you and me till the end. Even if I have to be your sister turned niece."

Maya laughed at that. "There is no me and Josh," she told her.

"But Maya," Riley said, frowning. "Last night…you went on a date with him."

"I went on an outing with him," she corrected.

Riley stared at her, confused. "Peaches, you held hands. He took you to dinner. You guys had fun together, he brought you back here, and defended you yesterday. That sounds a lot like a date to me."

"Yeah well you're wrong," Maya said, although she smiled to take the sting out of her words. "Only one of us is in a relationship right now, Honey, and it ain't me."

"Actually," Riley said, leaning back, "we're both in a relationship. We've always been in a relationship."

"I've been dating something and I didn't know it?" she asked.

Riley smiled softly at her. "Maya I'm talking about you and me. It's always been you and me. Yes I'm with Lucas, and you're kinda, sorta, maybe with Uncle Josh, but it's always been us. You are my extraordinary relationship Maya Hart, and that is never going to change."

Maya's Hart warmed at that, and, almost without realising she reached out until they were hugging each other, the embrace gentle and loving in comparison to before when their emotions were high. They were both smiling when they pulled apart, and Riley sighed contentedly as she brushed hair out of her face.

"I'm glad we're okay now Maya," she told her softly.

"Me too," she agreed. "I feel better now…lighter."

Riley yawned broadly, catching them both off-guard. "I guess I wasn't the only one who had a rough night," Maya noted, even as she rose and shrugged out of her jacket, tossing it onto the chair Riley had vacated earlier.

"Nap time?" Riley asked, and Maya laughed at the enthusiasm in her voice.

"Nap time," she confirmed, throwing her a smile over her shoulder.

Riley cheered, and, by the time Maya had snagged a pair of pyjama pants and changed into them, the brunette was already snuggled under a thin sheet on her side of the bed. Maya gave her a fond look before she joined her, dropping her phone between the pillows before climbing in as well. She poked the tip of the girl's nose fondly when she turned her head in her direction before twisting into a more comfortable position. She was tired as well, so very tired, and she hoped now, that with her mind and heart clear, and Riley's solid presence beside her, that she could manage at least a few hours of sleep.

As was customary for them, Riley was out within a few minutes, and Maya glared mildly at her slumbering form when, turning, Riley's hand smacked her, drawing her out of the light doze she had fallen into. She took the hand, and made to tuck it back where it belonged, before, getting an idea, took up her phone. Coaxing Riley's fingers to lace with hers was a simple enough task, and Maya held it steady for the few seconds it took to take a picture of it, their rings glinting slightly in the flash of the camera. With a few taps of her finger, the picture was sent off the Farkle, and, knowing that he would understand her message immediately, she tucked the phone back away and closed her eyes, this time, finally falling asleep.

They were okay now; everything was as it should be.

She could only hope that Farkle was right, and that now, everything would go back to how it was meant to be.


	17. Chapter 17

Riley automatically latched onto Maya's wrist as they descended the stairs to the subway. The station was always bustling in the morning, but, as she was still trying to come to grips with, it was considerably worse at half six. It was filled with people from all ages anxious to reach their workplaces or school on-time. That anxiety meant that they cared very little for the persons around them; no one was afraid to jostle or push their way through, and the last thing she wanted was to be that person on the ground trying not to get trampled. Maya had scolded her more than once for being too tentative, too accommodating, but Riley couldn't help it. Unlike Maya, she just couldn't be brusque and shove people aside. It just wasn't right. And so, to compromise, she hung on to Maya every morning and pretended not to notice whatever steps Maya took in order to get them to the middle of the crowd so that they had the best chance of getting on the 6:40 train.

It wasn't like they had to get that train by any stretch. There were at least four more that would still get them to school – now an extra two stops over – on time. But, as a compromise to their vastly different schedules, the six of them had agreed to aim for an arrival time of 7:20, something that would give them nearly forty minutes of bonding time before classes. And while it did mean that she had to get up half an hour earlier, it was a sacrifice that so far, Riley didn't find too troublesome to make.

"This way Honey," Maya said, tugging her.

Maya was being a bit more brazen than usual Riley acknowledged as she weasled them through until they were just two rows away from the front. She didn't bother to protest, knowing that it would just fall on deaf ears. Instead, she thought about the weekend they had had, and how somehow it had been salvaged. They had had a good two days together. She had gotten up from her nap on Saturday to find Maya snuggled beside her mother on the couch watching a movie. They'd all chipped in to make lunch, and a few hours later dinner, and it had only taken one phone call for Maya's mom to join them with half a cheesecake from the bakery that they had all dug into with relish. Maya hadn't spent the night, mostly because she hadn't brought along any of her school supplies, but, come Sunday morning, Riley had awakened to find her sitting just outside her window, coloured pencils in hand as she filled in a drawing of the dawn.

They were definitely okay, Riley thought with a silly grin, and if Maya was annoyed by the way she started to swing their hands to and fro, she didn't mention it. Riley's good cheer faded a moment later when she felt someone press up beside her. She flinched and crowded closer to Maya as she saw a middle-aged, oddly dressed man leering at her, his teeth a disturbing shade of yellow.

"Maya," she whispered.

It took only a second for Maya to judge the situation, and Riley found herself pulled behind her, with Maya glaring at the man. "Move away buddy," Maya snarled, her voice low and threatening in a way Riley had never heard before. Freaks in the station were, unfortunately, not entirely a new experience for either of them, but, usually, Maya tended to drift into a mix of humour and sarcasm to shame the person away. Today though she was aggressive in a way that Riley found both concerning and impressive, as the man, without a word, slunk away.

"You're okay Riles," Maya reassured her a moment later, her expression back to normal as she patted her hand.

"Teach me your ways," Riley bid, lacing their fingers together.

"Getting you mace is way easier," Maya returned, giving her a bit of a grin before looking away again.

Maybe her clothes had lent her an intimidating edge, Riley considered. She certainly was dressed in a way that screamed that she was not to be bothered. Her hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, she was wearing the tallest combat boots she owned, and a band tee that would definitely earn her a trip to the office if it wasn't for the faux-leather jacket she sported over it that mostly kept the skulls, blood, roses and snakes out of view. If she hadn't known her so well, Riley knew that she too would have kept a distance from her. But since she did, she couldn't help but think that the clothes were meant to serve as a sort of armour for the blonde. Riley had only made one attempt to bring Lucas up over the weekend, but Maya past "It's done Riles, leave it be," hadn't been open for conversation. Indeed, after tossing her her phone when Lucas had finally called her Saturday evening, Maya had left the room after squeezing her shoulders briefly. Riley knew what the gesture had meant; she wasn't to let Maya and Lucas' issues to interfere with her relationship with him.

She hadn't pushed Maya on it, but now, she wondered if maybe she should have gotten the courage to press her a bit more on the matter. She Waited until Maya had gotten them on the train, and luckily, onto some seats before, she asked, hesitantly, "Are you eating with us today?"

"No," she said simply, and Riley nodded in acceptance. She had mostly expected that response.

"You'll be with Liam?"

"Yeah."

"Would I like Liam?" she couldn't help but ask then, deciding in that moment that she should at least make an effort to start learning about the people Maya was hanging out with now.

Maya huffed a laugh at her question, and gave her an amused look. "You're better off befriending Shane," she told her. "Liam would send you running for the hills within a minute."

"Is he not a good guy?" Riley asked worriedly. She was okay – well mostly okay – with Maya sourcing out new friends, but if he proved to be a bad influence on her…

"He isn't a bad guy," Maya explained, "but he has a lot of layers. I'm still figuring him out, but I'm pretty sure he won't like your brand of optimism Riles."

"Why?" she half-demanded, affronted by the idea that someone wouldn't like her.

Maya's amused seemed to increase; she didn't understand why exactly, and so pinned her with a firm gaze, expecting a response. Maya's chuckle caused her to harrumph and look away.

"There's something dark in him," Maya said then, Riley's attention back to her. "Something's happened to him, something big. He tries to hide it, but I see it, probably because I was the same. It's like how I knew that Lucas wasn't as good as he appeared to be."

Maya didn't continue past that. Her expression crumpled slightly, in the same way it always did whenever she dwelt on something negative. Her face cleared in the moment, and Riley found herself biting back an inquiry, knowing that she wouldn't appreciate it. Instead, she settled for a warning. "Be careful with him," she requested.

"I'll try to be," she answered her, before falling silent for the remainder of their trip.

*

"Hang on a sec," Riley bid as Maya walked past the school's main notice board.

Maya groaned in response, but Riley didn't acknowledge it since she knew that, for all her exasperation, Maya had indeed halted.

"Must you read this thing every day?" Maya grumbled. "Farkle would tell us if there were anything important."

"I like knowing things for myself," Riley answered as she started to ghost her hand, some on plain paper, others coloured in order to gain more attention. Riley was immediately drawn to a bright purple sheet, tastefully decorated with glitter and stars. "Homecoming tickets go on sale this Friday after the assembly," she read, her voice lilting with excitement.

"I could have told you that."

"Right, cuz you're performing! I almost forgot."

"True," she acknowledged, "but that's not what I meant. The art club did the fliers."

"But you are performing Friday?"

"Yes," she confirmed.

Riley squealed in excitement, and reached out to grasp and shake Riley's arm. "Oooh you're going to be so good Peaches," she gushed. "I can't wait to see you perform."

"There will be no taking of pictures," Maya warned.

"Not by me," Riley agreed. "Dad on the other hand..." She chuckled at her friend's groan. She knew that it was mostly an act - Maya always enjoyed when her father fussed over her, and now with Shawn also in the picture? That camera would probably be upgraded to a full out video-recording session so that Shawn could get a copy as well.

"It's not that big a deal," Maya reiterated, looking at her. "I'm not even-"

Maya broke off abruptly, looking over her shoulder. Riley stifled an amused chuckle at the thought that usually such an action was impossible ever since puberty had hit her, but the unease on Maya's face caused any potential quip to die in her throat. Riley turned questioningly to see exactly what had made Maya clam up, only to see Lucas approaching them. Instinctively a smile curved her lips and she felt a burst of pleasure like she always did whenever she saw him for the first time in a while. Her pleasure though was immediately tempered by Maya's unease. She didn't need but a single glance at her to know that she was tensing up behind her as he reached them.

"Hey Lucas," she greeted.

"Hey Riley," he returned, his voice warm as he reached out to briefly touch her face, causing her to giggle and touch the spot after he pulled his hand back. He looked past her then, and, her joy dimmed as he spoke to Maya without an ounce of warmth he had directed toward her. "Good morning Ms. Hart," he said simply, nodding his head briefly at her.

"Good morning," she responded, and Riley cringed internally at the woodenness of her tone.

She turned to her, and saw Maya struggling to put a neutral expression on her face. But it was impossible; for all that Maya had been brazen earlier with that guy in the subway, Lucas standing in front of her like this was causing her so much discomfort it radiated off her in waves. As if sensing her stare, Maya briefly glanced at her, and Riley saw the tumult in her eyes before she said quickly, "I'll see you later."

Riley didn't protest as she all but scampered away. She was positive that Farkle had at least arrived by now – he would take care of Maya in her absence. Instead, she rounded on Lucas, allowing her annoyance to shine through. "Why did you do that?" she demanded.

"I didn't do anything," he responded, his tone normal once again.

"Lucas."

"What do you want me to do Riley?" he asked. "I told you. I'm not going to put up with her behaviour anymore. I just can't pretend that everything is hunky-dory when that's not the case."

"We were all just upset Friday," she argued. "Maya didn't mean it."

"This has gone way past Friday," he countered. "Maya has increasingly stopped acting like the girl I like for a while now. I've tried to be reasonable about it, tried to ask her what was wrong, to get her to talk to me and she refuses every time. I thought I'd gotten her back after we spoke at the bakery, but no, maybe that was just a blip on the radar because the Maya who was speaking to me Friday embodied everything I do not like or want in my life and I'm not going to put up with that."

"But she's hurting Lucas," Riley argued. "You have to see that."

"Is she?" he returned. "Or is she just upset that she's lost her punching bag? This isn't just Maya teasing me or calling me names Riley. This is her not caring about what I think and doing ridiculous things. Things that can and probably will get her hurt, and not only does she not care about that, she doesn't care about my concern. So fine, she wins. I'm just not going to be concerned anymore."

Riley stared at him sadly, sympathetic to the frustration bleeding into his tone. She understood where he was coming from to a certain extent, but it wasn't true. Maya wasn't that different, something that she had only recently accepted herself. If only he could talk to her like she had on Saturday he would see that, but it didn't seem as if he was open to that suggestion. All he could see were Maya's actions, the jabs that were no longer playful, and the behaviour that had gotten her into trouble. He was worried about her, she could tell, but that worry was lost beneath his frustration and anger for what Maya had said to him and done. She wasn't sure if there was anything that could be done until that frustration faded a bit.

"Look I'm not going to get in between the two of you," Lucas reassured her. "I will never want to be the cause of any problems, but I can't pretend to be okay when I'm not."

She sighed but nodded, noting that his sentiments echoed Maya's. "I can accept that," she told him, before smiling at the relief that crossed his face.

"Thank you Riley," he said, and she smiled when he hugged her for a moment.

"Where's Zay?" she asked, as he looped his arm around her and they started to walk at a slow pace.

"He's probably here around," Lucas answered. "He isn't speaking to me."

"Why?" she asked, startled.

"He isn't too pleased with my decision," he explained. "He told me in quite some detail exactly what he thinks I should go do with myself. It was quite creative actively," he finished, and briefly Riley wondered how he could find amusement in falling out with his friend.

"I'm sorry," Riley offered. He and Zay were the Texas equivalent of her and Maya; she hated any moment of discord between the two of them so much, so she knew he had to be feeling the same way.

"It's fine," he replied simply. "Zay's always been fond of Maya. See?"

Riley followed his gaze. They had reached the top of the stairs now and Zay was indeed there with Maya. They were standing next to her locker, and was running a hand soothing up and down her arm as they talked. Farkle and Smackle were together on a bench, alternating their attention between a thick book on Farkle's lap and glances upward at the speaking pair. Farkle noticed them, and Riley smiled at the way his face lit up as he waved. She returned the gesture and moved from under Lucas' arm to head to him, Lucas following her at a more sedate pace.

*

"Where's Mr. Jackson?" Maya asked, looking around.

Liam was seated at the man's desk, rocking back and forth, obviously bored.

"Whatever do you mean Ms. Hart?" the teenager drawled, mimicking the man's voice. "I'm right here. Has your blondness rendered you blind on top of everything else?"

"Let me rephrase the question," she said as she sat on a stool near to the desk. "Where's rat face Mr. J?"

"Hey!" he protested, dropping the act even as he touched his face defensively. "No insulting the face. I'm still growing into it."

"You got a loooong way to go," she shot back before opening the bag she had brought with her. "Want a sandwich?"

"That isn't sardines or something equally revolting right?" he inquired, even as he leant over to take it.

"Just zombie brains and puppy hearts."

He crinkled his nose for a moment, but peeled the wrapper off it regardless. "These brains look remarkably like cheese paste," he told her, taking a bite. "Add some pepper next time. I have standards you know."

Maya scoffed, but didn't answer. For all his complains, she thought with amusement, he ended up finishing it before her.

"So what happened?" he inquired as he threw the leftover wrapper in the bin.

"What do you mean?"

"Pre-packed lunch," he said, twisting the chair back and forth again. "You didn't plan on going to the cafeteria at all today, did you?"

"Speaking from experience?" she shot back, and, to his credit, he only flinched slightly at the accusation.

"We're discussing your failures at life blondie," he reminded her, "or would you rather not talk about it?"

His tone was a bit more serious then, and, looking at him, Maya saw that the mischievousness that seemed to always grace his face was absent now. He really was giving her an out, she realised. If she didn't want to speak, he would respect that. The gesture earned him a few more points in her book.

"I rather not."

"Mr. J's in a staff meeting," he said then, answering her original question. "Something about finalising the details for Homecoming."

"Poor man. This is what, the third meeting he's been in recently? Do they need to talk this much?"

"Apparently," he responded with a shrug, getting up. "Mr. J hates being on events' committees but he got out of it the last two years so he didn't have much of a choice. We're going to be decorating the ballot boxes this afternoon by the way. I'm thinking you and me can monopolise one? That way we're guaranteed one box that doesn't look garish."

"Sure," she agreed easily, recalling how in the previous week he had grumbled and complained about the quality of the fliers that some of the group's members had made. Not everyone in the club were particularly artistic she had quickly realised, and Liam, it seemed, had little patience for them. "What's the point of physically voting though? They choosing the nominees based on the online poll, so why actual ballots for this?"

"Em explained it to me last year," he said as he dug around in a cupboard. "The system automatically rejects nominations for anyone who doesn't meet the base criteria which saves time. The school's trying to move away from popular people who aren't all-around good students winning, you know?" he finished, emerging with a few blank sheets. She fetched a glass containing different pencils, rightly deducing that he wanted to start drafting ideas for their box.

"Did you vote?" she inquired. "Riley forced me to yesterday."

"Emily logged into my account and voted for me," he answered wryly. "But, the most important question," he continued, giving her a wide grin, "is if you voted for me to be your Sophomore Prince."

"Prince of the Mice Kingdom? Sure. You definitely have my vote." A moment later she snorted when he pouted, actually pouted. She nudged his shoulder. "Oh get off it. Yes I voted for you. We have two nominees per year and I just voted for whoever I actually knew and remotely liked."

"Great!" he said brightly, as he snagged a pencil and started making strokes across the paper. "You wasted a vote though, but the thought is quite appreciated."

"What'd you mean?"

"I'm not coming to Homecoming," he explained, "well not this one. It's the same night as the one at Jones High so I'm going there."

"Dating someone from a next school," she noted. "I'm impressed That."

"Just means that there's no one at all worthy of my affections here," he teased, causing her to roll her eyes.

They worked quietly for a few minutes until someone knocked at the door. "Am I interrupting?"

"Shane," Maya said, surprise colouring her tone as she saw him. "What are you doing here?"

"I was passing by and saw you two," he explained, walking in. "Sup Liam?"

"Nothing much," he returned. "I doubt you're here for me, so enough with the pleasantries."

"A little politeness doesn't hurt anyone," he pointed out, before focussing his attention on her. "You look a bit better," he noted. "Liam's been cheering you up?"

"From what?"

"From earlier today," he explained, pulling a stool over so that he could sit across from them at the table. "You were sad in Mr. Matthews' class. I could tell."

"She has friend issues," Liam supplied when she was remained silent. Had her poker face game really been so weak?"

"Again?" he asked, a bit incredulously.

"I didn't say anything about that," she retorted, glaring at Liam.

He shrugged. "It isn't rocket science blondie. It's not with the bestie," he continued, wagging his pencil at Shane, "so I'm assuming it's with the guy she yelled at last time."

"How do you know about that?" Maya demanded, her face heating up with embarrassment. "Did you tell him?" she hissed, turning to Shane. "Wait, you two know each other?!"

"Wow, blondie's got a temper," Liam noted, and it irked her even more to realise that he seemed entirely unaffected by it.

"Oh you haven't seen half my temper yet," she growled as she reached across the table to grab Shane's tee-shirt, pulling him close to her. "Answer or die. You talking about me?" He, at least, was properly cowed, raising his hands in submission.

"Which question first?" he asked, his voice squeaking slightly.

"You need eyeliner," Liam said conversationally as he stood.

"What?" She said, shooting him a confused look.

"Your outfit screams potential killer but a nice thick coat of eye-liner will kick it up a notch. I'll bring you some tomorrow."

"Why do you know about that?" she inquired, even as she tightened her hold on Shane as he made to pull away. "Stay you," she intoned sharply.

"Adam Lambert's my hero," he told her proudly. "Anyway, don't let me interrupt whatever mating dance of death you've got going on here. I'll be right over there judging your playlists harshly."

"When did you get my phone?" she demanded as he waved it at her.

"A better question would be how I know your password," he told her, pointedly unlocking the device before heading to Mr. Jackson's desk.

Maya frowned at him for a moment, before re-focusing for now on Shane. "Answer me."

"Which question?" he returned, "and will you please let me go?"

"For now," she allowed, releasing him. "You talking about me?" she asked.

"I told Dylan what happened that day," he explained, his voice a bit gruff as he attempted to undo the damage she had wrought on his clothing. "I suppose he told Emily who mentioned it to him."

"Actually I overheard the two lovebirds talking," Liam interjected pertly. "There's far too much Katy Perry here," he added.

"Riley's doing," she answered shortly. "Wait your brother and Emily are a couple?"

"Why else would he come here to hear some random nobody sing?" Liam asked, and, she supposed, that did make a lot of sense. It would also explain why the two of them were always next to each other during practice, and she had seen them walk out together more than once. "They've been dating what, three years now? It broke poor Shaney's heart," he added with a wicked grin. "What was it that Emily said after your last failure attempt at a Valentine's card? You need to find someone your own age?"

"Why did you even move if you're talking more than me?" Shane asked, even as Maya watched a flush creep up his neck.

"To give the illusion of privacy," he retorted, not looking up from her phone. "Score! Bon Jovi, and not just the popular singles. Mildly redeemed from the Perry failure Hart."

Maya rolled her eyes again before refocusing on Shane. Her anger was quickly cooling, partly because of the responses she had received, but mostly because of Liam's antics. It was just like Yogi dancing when she had been angry at Riley last year; some things automatically caused one's mood to improve. "You all went to the same middle school?" she deduced.

"Minus Liam," he confirmed. "Emily lives down the block from us so we sort of grew up together. Liam was mostly around during the summers, but he moved in with them in…seventh grade?"

"Eight grade for me," he corrected, tone a bit absentminded. "Can we get back on topic now? Figure out why my blondie's all depressed, will ya?"

"I'm not your anything."

"Keep telling yourself that darling," he returned, winking.

She huffed, before turning her attention back to Shane. "I'm fine okay?" she told him. "I lost a friend this weekend, and seeing him today was a bit harder than I expected."

Ms. Hart.

Lucas had addressed her like the most casual of acquaintances, and, between classes, had passed by her without a second glance. She hadn't lied to Shane; she truly hadn't thought it would be that bad. She hadn't quite known what she had expected from him, maybe barbed words or laced insults directed towards her, ones she could at least respond to? But no, instead he had simply ignored her, as if all what had gone on down between them over the past few years hadn't happened at all. That indifference, more than anything else, stung and even though she had had Zay to distract her away from thoughts of him, she had never been more relieved for the bell to ring that morning.

"I'm sorry," he offered.

"Don't be," she answered, dismissing his concern. "Don't worry about me."

"I don't think I can help that," he admitted, meeting her gaze. "I want you to be happy."

It was the wrong choice of words on his part, and, while she knew that he had said them with the best of sentiments in mind, it threw her back to a next guy, buffer though slightly shorter, with a lower cut hairstyle in comparison to the nearly black locks that just about brushed Shane's shoulders and fell in floppy bits across his forehead. Lucas had said something along those lines to her, and it had been the most heartfelt declaration she had gotten from him at that point, one that had made her heart thump just a bit faster.

And now to see what they had become…

"Don't say that to me," she snapped, looking away. "And don't worry about me either."

"Why not? Someone has to."

"I don't need you to worry about me Shane," she answered, her tone still sharp, "or to care about my happiness. I can take care of myself."

Shane was silent for a moment, his expression contemplative. Maya looked toward Liam, half-expecting a witty comment from him, but he too stayed quiet.

Shane met her gaze levelly for a moment, searching, before he leaned back and drummed his fingers on the table. "So that guy did something," he said slowly, "and you're going to make me pay for it?" Maya was floored by his words, and could only stare at him dumbfounded. "That isn't fair to me Maya," he continued, "but more than that, it isn't fair to you."

"I-" She couldn't continue. She wasn't sure what she could say in response to such simple, yet poignant words.

"It's okay," he told her, offering her a small smile. "It's too soon, I get that okay? Maybe we should talk about this in a few days again?"

"Talk about what?" she asked him, tone flat because somehow she had the impression that he wasn't referring to her sadness anymore.

He chuckled softly but shook his head and stood. "Forget about it for now Maya," he bid. "I'll see you tomorrow. Later dude," he added as he passed Liam.

"Yeah," he responded.

"Talk about what?" she asked again, looking at Liam. "Do you know?"

Liam shrugged, but came back to retake his former seat. "Probably wanted to ask you to Homecoming," he said. "You do know he likes you right?"

"I know," she said dully. "I'd planned on shutting that down."

"Why? He's not your type or something?"

"I don't want a good guy," Maya responded looking at him. "That's what I've always said."

"Then maybe you should date me," Liam told her jovially. "I'm as bad as they get."

She let out a startled laugh at that. "What, with highlighted hair and a face that makes people run?" she quipped, reaching over to tussle said hair.

"You still don't know that much about me," he pointed out, although his grin remained fully in place. "I might be as evil as they come."

"I don't think so," she responded, "but the effort is much appreciated."

"So you're not going to date me then?" he asked with a mock-frown.

"Didn't we already establish that you're dating someone?" she asked him. "The person you're going to Homecoming with?"

"Polyamory is a thing you know," he told her seriously, and she laughed loudly again, before shaking her head ruefully. 

Liam's antics wasn't enough to completely erase the effect of Shane's words, but, at least he had stopped her from falling into moodiness, and she was grateful for that at the very least.


	18. Chapter 18

"I can't blame other people for the things that's happened to me."

"Are you asking me or telling me?" Josh inquired in response, leaning back against his headboard.

Maya mimicked him, her laptop shaking slightly as she eased herself backwards until her back settled against the cool wall. "Both I think?" she offered, as she spied and took up a stretched hair-tie. She pulled her hair up on top of her head in a lopsided bun while she waited for him to respond. What a change time had made, she acknowledged. There was a time when she wouldn't have allowed herself to look anything but perfect if she knew that she would be seeing or speaking to Josh. But now that they had achieved this level of comfort, she didn't mind him seeing her in this imperfect state with messy hair and a few green spots on her face from her acne spot-treatment cream.

"Want to give me some context here spider monkey?"

"You remember the guy I told you about? Shane?"

"King Flirt?" Josh asked, after a moment's thought.

She snickered at the name, but nodded. "Yeah well apparently he was going to ask me to homecoming today."

"Ah, homecoming," he answered with an exaggerated groan of pleasure that would have caused her to slap his arm had he been next to her. "It seems so long ago since I last experienced that."

"You're being ridiculous," she scoffed, causing him to grin broadly at her.

"Did you say yes?"

"He didn't get to ask," she said wryly, scratching at her temple with a finger. "I sort of yelled at him?"

Josh stared at her for a moment. "Back to the yelling," he said, his expression growing serious. "What did he do?"

Maya twisted her mouth back and forth for a few seconds as she organised her response. Josh was right – she had been doing a lot of yelling lately, ironic given that that was the thing she had hated the most when she was younger. "He said something that bothered me," she admitted, "and I reacted badly. Then he said that I'm making him pay for what someone else did."

"What Lucas did," Josh deduced. He leant his head back against the headboard as he thought. She waited patiently until with a sigh, he focussed on her again. "Am I allowed to bring up Friday?" he asked gently. "Or are we just pretending that it never happened?"

Maya smiled slightly at his consideration for her. This conversation was the first they had had since that night, and she was grateful that he had immediately accepted her Skype call even though she hadn't responded to any of the messages he had sent her since then. And even then he hadn't interrogated her about her silence; he had simply asked what it was that she wanted to talk to him about.

"You can."

"What Friar said hurt you Maya," he said carefully. "It had to with your history."

"My history?" she repeated, confused.

"With your father," he responded in that same gentle tone. "Maya, I have known you for so many years, and I have seen how you interact with people. There are very few you let in here," he said, putting his hand over his heart briefly, "and the ones you do you treasure so much. I think that's because of you losing your dad. You don't trust easily, or love, but when you do Maya, you do it hard. Friar is one of the people you chose to let in, and now he's left you. I know you're in pain."

"Josh," she breathed out, her voice wavering. His words were so simple, and yet somehow perfectly encapsulated her reality and the reason she couldn't bear to be around Lucas for more than a few seconds that morning. At least with her father, he had physically left. Yes, the pain and trauma had remained, but at least with him she hadn't had to see him daily while knowing he didn't want her.

"You care a lot about Friar," he finished, "and now that he's done this, it's bound to affect your relationship with other people. Thinking about it, I'd have been surprised if it didn't. I was so proud when Riley told me that you came to her on Saturday Maya, and that now you've chosen on your own to talk to me. You're at least not putting us who you care about at a distance; I'd be a lot more worried if that was the case as well."

"Yeah well someone made it pretty clear I wasn't to push him away," Maya half-joked, causing him to briefly smile. "So I really am making others pay for what Lucas did," she continued.

"In a way," he agreed. "I think you're a little scared Maya. You've always had your issues with your father, and now you have Friar to deal with on top of that. Then this new guy comes along in the middle of all of this – one you don't know in any real way – and expresses interest in you, and you don't know what to do, how to react. You don't know anything about him or what he wants from you and that's scary. At least with Friar you knew him and what to expect. But this new person is a different matter entirely so you don't know what to do. I'm not happy you had to resort to being standoffish with him, but I can't blame you knowing the cause of it."

"When did you get this smart?" Maya couldn't help but marvel, even as his words continued to reverberate within her.

"Got a few weeks of psychology under my belt," he said, pretending to brush lint off his shoulder.

She chuckled at that. "So what should I do then, Mr. Psychologist?"

"What is it that you want to do?" he countered gently. "A part of me thinks that all of this is too soon for you after Friar, but it's not my place to decide that for you."

"What I want is to not feel like crap," she revealed. "And maybe I don't feel that way as much when I'm around Shane. But then again I feel better around Liam as well, and I don't feel any discomfort when I'm alone with him."

"Well to be fair only one of them has openly expressed interest in you."

"Is this what getting dumped feels like?" she asked abruptly, seemingly changing the subject. "You're cute and everything Boing, but I'm assuming that even you got dumped once."

He barked out a startled laugh at that, the sound ending abruptly as she heard a loud thump from his side. "Oh eff off!" he shouted, his face annoyed. "You don't hear me complaining when you're playing that damn harmonica of yours at two in the morning."

"Roommate problems?" she asked with some amusement.

"Don't get me started," he grumbled, still glaring at the wall. "Anyway, what's this about me getting dumped? Is that what you feel happened with you and Friar?"

"Never been dumped," she told him with a shrug. "But I suppose this is similar? Guy gets to know me then decides that he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. It's kind of the same thing right?"

He passed his hand over his forehead for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, sounds around right," he agreed. "And yes it sucks. And it's worse the more you actually liked them."

"So what helps?" she inquired.

"Eric would say moving on to the next one," he told her. "I don't think that there wasn't a girl in his year that he didn't date."

"My mom said something similar," she noted, setting the laptop aside briefly so she could rearrange herself into a more comfortable position. "That's what she did."

"And you're thinking that that's what you should do? Give King Flirt a try to distract you away from Friar?"

"I suppose," she muttered. "I mean it isn't like there's something wrong with Shane."

"My only concern with that is how this affects you in the long run," he told her, "which is the only reason I'd caution you against hurrying into a new potential something given what you've already gone through. Maybe you should just try to get to know him first, see if there's anything there without forcing anything to happen."

Maya nodded, twisting her mouth. It was definitely something she would have to think more about, she decided. A thought occurred to her then, and she met Josh's gaze through the screen. "Are you okay with this?" she asked seriously, knowing that he would understand without her elaborating further.

He huffed out a laugh and briefly dipped his head before looking at her again. "Long game," he told her simply, shrugging his shoulders. "I know you're out there, and you know I am. What happens until we reach the end and see what happens…happens," he finished. "So, long game?"

"Long game," she returned in confirmation, a small smile playing on her lips.

*

School had ended a while now, and the corridors were thankfully considerably emptier than usual. She preferred it this way, Maya thought, as she headed back to the main area. Since practice was lengthened that afternoon they had a bit of a later start. She had taken advantage of that to walk Riley to her yoga class, and was now heading back to her locker to switch into her high heels before going to the practice area. Reaching her locker, she took out the shoes, tucking it under her arm. As she closed the door, she saw someone clad in plaid further down alone on a bench. Zay, she realised, staring at his solitary figure. It was a lonely sight, she thought sadly, and she observed him for a long moment, coming to a decision. Today was Wednesday, and it seemed as if he and Lucas had still not reconciled. She felt a pang of guilt run through her at that; she should have already addressed the situation, but, somehow it didn't seem as dire as it did now, with Zay sitting alone there, undoubtedly just killing time until baseball practice began.

She walked to him; he was so deep in thought he didn't even register her presence until she sat beside him and jostled him with her elbow. He looked up, and the mildly morose expression on his face faded immediately and he smiled at her. It didn't quite reach his eyes though, she noted as she set her shoes on the ground beside her. "You know if you're missing your boyfriend so much you should just talk to him," she joked.

He laughed a bit at that. "I will when he stops being an ass," he declared, before breaking what was left of a candy bar he had in his hand in half before offering piece to her.

"Thank you," she answered. "You really should make up with him, you know," she said, in between bites. "Fighting with your best friend sucks; I should know."

"Yeah well this is different," he grumbled. "Lucas did you wrong Maya and I won't stand for it."

"Lucas did what he thought was best for him," she said gently. "None of us can fault him for it."

"Watch me," he declared stubbornly. "Lucas has been feeding you guys a load of bull. You just don't know him well enough to realise it."

"What do you mean?" she asked, furrowing her brow.

"Do you really think he's that upset that you argued with him Maya?" he demanded, eyeing her.

"He is," she confirmed, before bending to undo the laces of her boots.

"Then I've got oil shares on the moon I really want to sell to you," he deadpanned.

Maya raised her head long enough to glare at him before tugging off her boot. "Sarcasm not appreciated Babineaux."

"Head in the sand not appreciated Hart," he shot back. "You and Lucas were just fine until Uncle Heart Eyes showed up, and then good ole Lukey decided to start a pissing contest that you interrupted."

"Ewww," she said, crinkling her nose. "Please tell me that's not an actual thing?"

"Sure," he answered, a bit too quickly to be believable. "What I'm saying is that Lucas made you the victim in his little war with Riley's uncle and that's not fair to you."

"What are you talking about?" she asked, fiddling with the buckle of her shoe. "Josh and Lucas get along."

"In what universe?" he returned incredulously. "Did you miss their little interaction at Topanga's?"

"Oh."

"Yeah oh," he said. "And gee, I wonder just what caused that?"

Maya sighed as she dropped her foot back to the ground. How had a conversation meant to push him and Lucas back together turn into this? "Zay, that's not important, okay?" she told him.

"No, this is very important," he countered. "Lucas is good at heart Maya, but he is Pappy Joe's grandson through and through."

"Pappy Joe?" Maya repeated, surprised by the implication of Zay's words as she recalled the older man who had regaled them with so many stories during their brief stay in Texas. "He's a cuddly bear."

"A cuddly ole grizzly bear," Zay corrected. "The Friar men are notorious for their tempers round our parts Maya and Pappy Joe was the king during his glory days. Cletus always says that Lukey's got that same temper; he didn't even bat a lash when he got kicked outta school. Pappy Joe got into more than one fight back in his day Maya, and most, from what I heard, were over girls. Lasted a good few years till he married Mama Joe, and even then he didn't stop till she broke a bottle over his head and made him sleep in the barn for a few nights."

"A woman after my own heart," Maya couldn't help but say, smiling at the tale, but also the way that, just like Lucas, Zay had unconsciously fallen entirely into that drawling way of speaking that made his origins so apparent. She liked it. "But what does all of this have to do with what happened?" she asked.

"He may not have been throwing punches or cracking bones, but Lucas was letting Josh know that he didn't approve of what was happening and you busted a bottle over his head for it. He's just taking that frustration out on you and I won't stand for it."

Maya shook her head after she thought about his words for a moment. "I'm sorry Zay, but I think you're wrong."

"How so?" he asked, arching a brow at her.

"Lucas doesn't care about me and Josh," she answered him softly. "Why would he? He likes Riley. He chose Riley."

"No," he rebutted. "You handed him the girl on a platter. How could he refuse?"

"It would have been her anyway," she told him dismissively, her voice lowering as she looked away. "He doesn't like me."

"Oil on the moon," he repeated, throwing up his hands in exasperation.

She ignored his words, and instead put her hand on his knee, making him look at her. "None of this matters anymore anyway Zay," she told him. "Regardless of what you think, Lucas doesn't like me anymore in any capacity and I really appreciate you that you care about me enough to have my back. But you can't take a side on this okay? No," she said a bit more firmly, when he made to interject, causing him to close his mouth. "This is damaging us more than it needs to. Look at what we've become Zay. Lucas and I aren't talking. You and Lucas aren't talking. You and Riley are barely talking. Farkle's trying not to take sides so he and Smackle are just reading one book after another whenever all of you are together. I may not be around as much, but I do see it Zay, even if you guys can't. This is like the first week of high school all over again but worse because we're the ones allowing ourselves to be fractured this time, and I'm not sure that there's anything Riley and I can do to fix things if it gets worse than this. It needs to end Zay. My issue with Lucas is not yours. And if Riley and I of all people can reach a compromise on this, you should be able to do the same as well."

"Yeah well I don't want to," he grumbled, but this time Maya smiled. His tone was more petulant than anything else and she knew he was seeing reason, even if he didn't want to admit it.

"Come on Zay," she said persuasively. "I know you're missing your precious little Lukey, and I'm sure he feels the same. He's probably wailing your name from the roof all now."

"He's still an ass."

"I'm not denying that," she allowed, "but he's your ass."

He snickered at that. "Never say that again," he bid. "My butt can never be that big."

"Sitting still hurts?" she cooed, and this time he laughed outright. "Promise you'll make up with him?" she asked. "Let's leave this between just Lucas and me."

Zay exhaled loudly. "Can I at least cover him in mud or something first?"

"I'll help you fill the buckets," she promised.

He grinned at that, seeming way too enthused by the prospect. "Will you be okay though?" he asked seriously. "I don't want you to feel isolated."

"How would I be isolated?" she asked.

"Won't it be worse for you if you're the only on at odds with him?"

Maya exhaled at that, considering it. She supposed that there was a bit of merit in his words. For all that she wanted reconciliation among their friends, with the situation as is, she sort of felt as if she had a team on her side with Zay actively siding with her and Farkle and Smackle's subtle shows of disapproval toward Lucas. Granting Zay the freedom to reconcile with him would definitely tip the scale of balance against her, but it was something that needed to be done.

"You know what was the one thing I didn't want to happen from the very start of all of this Zay?" she asked softly, trying to give voice to her thoughts.

"What?"

"I didn't want to be the cause of our friendships breaking apart. We're like a bunch of strings tied together to make a tapestry, but if even one unravels, the whole thing can come undone. Sometimes it can be fixed, but sometimes it causes all the other strings to unravel, and then the tapestry is destroyed. I didn't want to be that string that destroys us," she told him seriously. "I handled it the wrong way at first, running away from you guys, and I stopped myself from doing that again this time. But I can't pretend that the tapestry hasn't been damaged. There's a little tear in it, one that's impossible to fix right now. The best thing to do is to stop that string from unravelling any further, and that's what I'm doing by staying away.

"I'm not isolating myself Zay," she hastened to add. "I'm past that now. I know I need you guys in my life, but I also know that I've got my own personal tapestry too, one I'm still weaving with the new strings I've picked up. I'd love to hope that in the end I'll end up with one huge, magnificent tapestry, but I don't think that can happen right now if I don't explore this new side a bit. I'm different now, we're all different now, and while the circumstances in which I've gathered new friends is different from the rest of you, that doesn't mean that I'm doing anything different. You and Lucas have your baseball friends. Farkle and Smackle have all their geniuses to talk geek with and Riley, well Riley's trying to befriend the world," she said, causing them both to chuckle. "The old me was always just content to follow Riley along, but now I'm exploring the world too.

"I need you to understand that I'm not sacrificing anything as I explore okay? And maybe the bit of discomfort I feel whenever the six of us are together now may push me away from you guys on occasion, but I swear Zay it won't be forever. It just needs to be this way until I stop feeling the way I feel whenever I look at Lucas okay? But know that I will never not be a part of our group. Nothing will pull me away again."

Zay's breath left him in a shudder as she finally stopped speaking. "You promise?" he asked simply, his voice surprisingly vulnerable as he held up his pinky finger. "You'll stay?"

She huffed, but laced her finger with his. "Pinky swear," she said softly, and surprised him by leaning closer to kiss his cheek. "You're a great friend and an even greater guy Isaiah Babineaux," she told him sincerely, smiling when he reached up to touch the spot. "I hope Vanessa realises that. She's lucky to have you"

"Yeah, Vanessa," he repeated, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly. "I'll make up with Lucas."

"Thank you," she answered, and felt the last of her guilt fade away.

*

It was nearly seven when Maya found herself at the subway station, body tired and legs sore from way too much dancing. She hoped that Dylan was right that hot water would take care of it, because, for the first time in a long while, she was prepared to fill up their tub and soak in it for a good long while. She checked the time, and seeing that she had a few minutes left to wait, she took out her phone from within her bag. Immediately a message from Farkle popped up, and curious, she opened in. A moment later people turned to stare at her as she laughed loudly, nearly dropping her bag as her body shook.

It was a picture taken at Topanga's nearly an hour earlier and centred on Lucas and Zay. They were seated on one of the benches outside the bakery, grins on their faces. That wasn't the funny part though. What had her wiping a tear away from the corner of her eye, even as she chuckled again was the amount of mud and grass covering both of them. Riley was off to one corner of the picture, holding a towel even as she seemed to be scolding them, although neither seemed to be paying her the slightest bit of attention. They really needed to find a better way to resolve their conflicts, she thought as the train pulled in, recalling the water and paint fights they'd gotten into over the past two or so years. But then again, she acknowledged as she got onto it, why mess with something that wasn't broken? The mud would wash out, just like the paint and soap suds did.

The only thing that truly mattered was that Lucas and Zay were okay.


	19. Chapter 19

Maya briefly pressed her forehead against the door of her apartment after she finished securing all the locks and chains. The apartment was lit, and she could hear the faint sound of her mother's voice from beyond. Despite her tiredness, she smiled at the fact that she hadn't come home to an empty place. Even though her mother had been working at Topanga's for a little over a year now, and so, more often than not, was actually home at a reasonable hour, it was still novel enough an experience for Maya that she relished. Her mother laughed, a throaty sound that broadened Maya's smile a bit further; she had to be talking to Shawn. She thumbed off her shoes with a relieved groan, and resisted the urge to drop her bag right there. Unfortunately, she had homework that needed doing and so, despite how much she wanted to, she couldn't just ignore it.

She padded lightly into the living room, and saw her mother on her stomach on the couch, her legs pumping idly in the air as she spoke on the phone. Maya shook her head at the sight, wondering which one of them was the actual teenager. Her mother looked up, and gave her a bright smile. She made to offer her the phone, but Maya declined, mouthing to her that she was more concerned with eating than talking to Shawn before walking into the kitchen. She would text him later.

She smiled as the aroma of stew hit her nose, and excitedly, she helped herself to a heaping bowlful before she settled at their messy table with half a loaf of bread. She supposed there was a nifty biological reason to explain it, but she didn't care. All she knew was that practices left her ravenous, and she wasn't one to deny herself when it came to this. She stuffed her face quickly, forgoing all eating conventions. She was halfway through her second bowl of stew when her mother walked in, tying up her hair. She jerked her head slightly in greeting as she took up a next slice.

"You know I thought teenage boys were the ones who ate everything," her mother joked, as she retrieved a pitcher of juice from the fridge.

"Hungry," Maya said simply, and made grabby hands for the glass of juice her mother held out to her.

"I can see that," she answered, as she claimed a seat across the table from her. "How was practice?"

"Passable I suppose," Maya responded, rocking back in the chair, finally satisfied. "I only crushed Shane's toes once. Dylan says there might be hope for me yet."

"That poor boy's bruises must have bruises at this point."

Maya shrugged. "I just don't understand why I can't get this," she said, allowing some frustration to bleed into her tone. "I'm fine with everything else. Why am I getting so much trouble with this? It's just turning, and twirling and lifting."

"Some people have a natural chemistry," the woman offered, running her finger around the rim of her glass. "A sort of rhythm if you will. They just go together naturally and magic happens."

"And that's exactly what I don't have with him," she concluded.

"It seems so," she agreed. "There's a reason why directors always interchange people in auditions. They try to see who works well together and who would need a lot more direction to get to where they need to be. It seems like you and Shane are in the latter category."

"Then what can I do to change it?" Maya asked her. "Mom, we're performing this Friday. That's three more days of practicing before I risk humiliation in front the entire school."

"I don't know," her mother admitted. "But I do know that in slow dancing, you have to give a certain amount of trust over to the person leading you. You have to trust that they'll help you find and keep the melody and ensure that you're safe throughout the dance. Maybe you're uncomfortable with him which is why you can't let him lead you."

"It'd be a hell of a lot easier if he stopped looking at me with those heart eyes," Maya answered, as she got up, taking the bowl to the sink.

It was strange; she and Shane hadn't talked about what had happened between them in the art room at all. She had expected it to cause a level of awkwardness between them when they next interacted, but Shane hadn't seemed at all different nor had his behaviour towards her altered in any way. At times it actually seemed as if he was even more interested in her than before; just tonight he had actually walked her to the subway, claiming that he was worried about her getting there safely at seven in the night. If she hadn't been so tired, Maya would have laughed in his face at that.

"I told you Maya," her mother said jovially, "you're a looker. You can't hold that against him."

"So you do remember that conversation," Maya noted, as she turned off the pipe and shook excess water off her hands.

"I was not that drunk," her mother defended.

"Sure you weren't," Maya retorted pertly. "Do you also remember saying that you got over one guy by moving on to the next?"

She cringed at that before grinning impishly at her. "How about we agree that that was my alter ego Katherine and ignore everything she said?"

"Oooh, but I love Katherine," Maya replied. "She gives me all the good details about your yesteryears."

"How did this conversation turn around on me anyway?" her mother demanded as she rose. "We're supposed to be talking about your two left feet!"

"Been there, done that," Maya dismissed with a wave of her hand. "I'd stop tripping if he'd stop with the heart eyes. So either I find a way to stop said heart eyes or else I just try not to face-plant on Friday."

"Or," her mother offered, "you can actually decide if you like getting those heart eyes and relax a bit around the boy."

"Now that," Maya declared, as she followed her out the kitchen, "is something that's definitely not going to happen."

*

Nothing changed over the next few days. They'd practice, Shane would look at her with overwhelming earnestness, and then Maya would crush his toes. To his credit, she supposed, he no longer even flinched when it happened. If only her missteps didn't cause them to lose rhythm and have to stop, Maya would simply write off his toes as collateral damage. As is, she fiddled nervously with the loose curls her hair had been styled into, wondering if it was too late for her to run away. She felt uncomfortable, and not solely because of the performance. Emily had forced make-up onto her, and while Liam's attempt at giving her raccoon eyes had been more amusing than anything else, Maya didn't know how she felt about the version of her staring back at her through the mirror.

She looked fine, of that she was sure, but the make-up combined with the royal blue dress, heels and hair overall presented her in a way she had not seen in so long, not since she had surrendered most of her clothes to satisfy Riley's whim and had returned to the world of jeans, jackets and cardigans. She looked gentler, more stereotypically feminine, and she wasn't sure that it was something she wanted to present to the world. But then again, she reminded herself, squaring her shoulders, the clothes didn't make the person. She was Maya Hart no matter what she wore, and woe be on anyone who forgot it. Rinsing her hands, she exited the bathroom, heading quickly to her locker to store away the small purse she had taken with her into the restroom. She hummed the refrain to the first song of the set as she secured her belongings and closed the door. She could do this, she reminded herself. If push came to shove, she would just close her eyes and dance blindly with Shane.

"There she is. Maya!"

The blonde smiled at the familiar voice, and turning, she watched Riley skip down the stairs, Farkle following at a more sedate pace. "Hello honey," she greeted, offering her hand out to her. Riley grasped it and started swinging it back and forth. "I told you she would be here, Farkle," she said, shooting the slender teenager a triumphant look.

"Why are you looking for me?" Maya asked, as Farkle stopped near them, his hands held behind his back.

"We wanted to wish you good luck before your performance," Riley told her excitedly, releasing her. "And, Farkle got you something."

"You did?" she asked, arching a brow at him.

Farkle nodded, a gentle smile playing at his lips. "We know how hard you've worked these past few days Maya," he told her, "and we want you to know that we recognise and appreciate that." With that said, Farkle brought forward the object he had been hiding.

Maya couldn't help it. She gasped in pleasure at the bouquet he held out to her. It was a beautiful array of yellow and pink roses with a single red one in the centre of it.

"Oh," Farkle said, and removed the red one before handing the rest to her.

Maya brought the flowers up to her nose and inhaled the scent, a wave of peace and contentedness passing through her. She heard the click of a phone camera, and raised her head enough to glare at Riley before refocussing on the flowers. "These are beautiful Farkle," she told him, her voice cracking slightly as she glossed her fingers over the top of them. "Thank you."

"You're welcome Maya," he replied and reached out to pat her bare arm once. "This one is for you Riley," he said then, and offered her the red rose.

"I get one too?" Riley squeaked as she plucked it from his fingers and cuddled it close.

Maya smiled at the almost childish glee on the brunette's face before her expression grew thoughtful at the fondness on Farkle's face as he watched her. Briefly Maya wished she that she had her own phone on hand so she could capture the moment to analyse further later. Regardless, she allowed her gaze to drift from the yellow and pink flowers she was holding to the single red one Riley was playing with. Did Farkle even know what meaning he was conveying through the flowers, Maya couldn't help but wonder, and if he did, was there a flower for Smackle somewhere? She dismissed the thought for now, not wanting her mind to linger on far off possibilities that seemed so improbable.

Instead she focussed on the two people in front of her. Riley and Farkle, her two friends who had always been there for her and were once again supporting her. This was their way, she recognised. No matter what, they were there for each other. It was why she and Riley had put aside their differences to attend the Buggy Awards for him, why he and Riley had come to see her art in the gallery in middle school and why they always went to Riley's cheerleading auditions no matter how bad they knew she would be. The outcome was irrelevant, all that mattered was that they were always together, them, the original three. Maya felt a wave of nostalgia for how their lives had played out before. Things had been so much simpler back then, but, she knew it would be wrong of her to want that life back. They had expanded their friendship group, and that expansion had inspired change among them, changes that were, for the most part, good. She wouldn't want them to go back, but nevertheless, she would always have a soft spot for the three of them together like this.

"You okay Peaches?" Riley asked, and it was only then that Maya realised she had lost herself in her thoughts.

She blinked, noting that her eyes had watered slightly. "It's nothing," she reassured her. "I suppose Farkle's flowers have made me a bit sentimental today."

They shared a laugh at that, before instinctively looking up when a bell rang. "You guys should get going," she told them, grateful for the reprieve before she grew too sappy, "or else you won't get good seats."

"The rest of the gang are saving seats for us," Farkle told her. "We didn't want you to go on stage without talking to us first."

"Guys," she breathed, as she heard the emotions underlying his words. The sincerity in her voice touched her, and, she opened her arms to instigate a group hug. She pulled back first and brushed some hair off Riley's face. "Keep my babies safe for me," she urged, as she handed the bouquet over to her.

"I will," Riley promised, stepping back.

"You'll do great Maya," Farkle said confidently, before he turned, and grasping Riley's elbow, led her away.

"I hope I will," she agreed, watching them until they were out of sight.

*

Her moment with Riley and Farkle had left her emotional, Maya acknowledged, as she stood quietly while Emily secured a microphone to the front of her dress. At the moment she was trying her best to just clear her mind of all thoughts, because, if she didn't, she would think about the bouquet Farkle had given her, and the group hug they had shared, and her eyes would gloss over again. She knew that she was being ridiculous, and while a part of her wanted to blame it on stupid, stupid hormones, she also knew that her reaction was somewhat based on what had been happening with her lately in terms of her friends. There was something about the two of them offering her a show of support like this that hit her feelings harder than any of the conversations they had had lately, and while she wasn't entirely certain why that was the case, she allowed herself to think that maybe it wasn't exactly a bad thing.

Emily straightened and offered her a reassuring look. "Just have fun out there, okay Maya?" she instructed. "You know the steps. You know the words. Nothing else matters now."

"I'll try," she agreed, forcing her mind once again back to the present.

"Dylan will signal when they're turning on the microphones," she explained. "Don't talk from that moment on unless you're okay with the entire school hearing your conversation. The same goes for afterwards"

"Sounds like there's a story there," Maya noted.

"You don't even want to know," Emily grumbled, shaking her head ruefully before she walked away.

They were all backstage while they waited for their turn in the programme to come. Maya crept closer to the stage and peered around one of the blinds to see just what she was dealing with, and yup, it seemed as if the number of students present were doubling as she watched. Swallowing nervously, she backed away, only to bite back a squeak when she turned and came face to face with Shane.

"You shouldn't do that," he advised her. He grasped her hand gently and pulled her away from the stage area. "You'll just psyche yourself out."

"It's a bit too late for that," she told him, swallowing.

"You'll be fine."

"That doesn't really help," she muttered, as he led her to a fabric covered wall, away from the main group. She leant against it, trusting that the fabric wouldn't dirty the dress.

"You need a distraction," he said, consulting his watch. "Five minutes, that's enough time."

"For what?" she asked curiously, looking at him. The back stage area wasn't the best lit place in the world, but, even with that, observing him, Maya had to admit that Shane in slacks and a shirt was a nice change. She wasn't too fond of the suspenders her was wearing, but, as part of the pro-tie voters who had been outnumbered, there wasn't anything she could do about it.

"For me to say this," he said, his voice growing serious.

Maya's brows raised slightly at that. After so many days of avoidance, he couldn't seriously be attempting to start a conversation about that now of all times. "Shane-"

"Let me talk please," he interrupted, and reluctantly, she sighed, and held her peace. "I like you Maya," he told her, surprising her by his bluntness, "and if the way everyone rags me about it is anything to go by, I'm pretty certain that it's not a big surprise to you."

"It isn't," she allowed, crossing her arms defensively.

"And, I also know that you may not feel the same way about me, and that it has something to do with your friends and no longer friend."

"Shane-"

"I'm not blind Maya," he said, speaking over her. "The freshman guy with two girlfriends was the topic of discussion for a long while. It was why I never bothered to try to talk to you until you showed up in History one day looking so lost because even though I thought you were cute, that wasn't a situation I wanted to get myself involved in. And now that that's been...resolved, I just want you to know that I'm here okay? Here and waiting. Because I really do like you Maya, and I hope that you'll look past whatever's happened and allow me to show you how good you could be treated. You'd never have to worry about being just an option for me, because from the moment I saw you, I wanted you to be my priority."

It was Farkle's fault, Maya decided in that moment. Farkle and his stupid flowers had slackened the control on her emotions, and so, words that would have otherwise made her gag at the cheesiness of it, somehow felt right, felt profound, and Maya found herself lowering her gaze briefly to hide her emotions from him. She couldn't believe that she was being affected by him like this. Glancing up, she saw those same heart eyes that had spawned Matthews' nickname for him, and yet, in conjunction with the words he had just said, she didn't find them as grating. Because now she knew the rationale behind the feelings. She knew why he looked at her that way, and, she supposed that it did indeed affect things.

He had hit a note with her, especially with his final words. Not being an option... Wasn't that a good thing? He had a point. Even before Lucas, it had always been her or Riley for Farkle. And even with Josh, for so long it had been her versus whatever girl he met who was actually within the age range he deemed appropriate. It was still that way even now. Shane, for all that she didn't know him that well, was offering her a new, novel option, and while she still felt slightly uncomfortable, she knew that it was mostly caused by the overwhelming awareness of what he was potentially offering her. Her mind drifted to her mother, and how radiant and expressive she was whenever she talked to or spoke about Shawn. Even Riley seemed to have an extra aura of happiness around her now that she and Lucas were together, and Farkle and Smackle were almost nauseatingly cute at times. And while she didn't see it so much from Zay anymore, back in middle school she always could tell when he had spent more time talking to Vanessa than dealing with his homework. And, of course, there were the Matthews, the embodiment of everything romantic that either fascinated or disgusted Maya depending on her mood.

Everyone around her seemed to be participants in a great thing that she was excluded from, and while before that had never particularly bothered her, now she couldn't help but wonder how it would be if she could have just a smidgen of it. She knew that she wasn't entirely certain of what her feelings were when it came to Shane, but he seemed so firm and so assured in his, and so, would it hurt to believe in that for a little while? To say yes and see if anything from her end could build up based on it.

She met his gaze again, and saw patience in his eyes as he waited for her to process his words. She still wasn't completely certain what it was she should say to him, but she knew she had to say something, anything. She swallowed, and made to speak, only to hear Dylan say "Microphones on in three...two...one..." and she clamped her lips shut. The moment for speaking had passed. A bit panicked, she looked up at him, only to see a rueful expression on his face before he offered her his hand. She took it and he squeezed gently down on it as, quietly, he walked her to where the rest of the girls were gathering. They did go on first after all. He shot her a speaking look, as if to say that they would continue their conversation after, and, numbly, she nodded, before watching as he walked away to join the guys.

She supposed that she had been staring at him, because shortly, she felt a slight jab to her side. She turned her head to see Emily next to her, a curiously excited look on her face as she glanced between her and Shane. Oh, Maya realised, she had probably noticed them sequestered away from the group together. She offered her a helpless shrug, and Emily mouthed to her that they definitely needed to talk about it, before straightening when the vice principal announced them.

Less than a minute now, Maya acknowledged as she straightened and waited for the musical cue that would send them out onto the stage. Shane had done one right thing, she noted, as the music started. Nerves were definitely the last thing on her mind.

*

As they reached the chorus of the first song, Maya was suddenly quite grateful for the gym sessions that had taken away one of her study periods. She knew that she would have been considerably more winded than she was if it wasn't for it. Performing on stage with an actual audience was quite different from simple practice, but, she was realising, it was a good difference. Her schoolmates were reacting with cheers, hoots and the occasional inappropriate comment that would definitely earn the speaker detention if they could be found, but it scarcely bothered her. Her and Emily's voices were complementary, and so they traded lines back and forth for their segment while shooting each other, and the audience playful glances that matched the festive song perfectly. It was exhilarating performing like this, and Maya could definitely see herself doing it again. She wondered if this was how her mother had felt during her first on stage performance in high school. She had always told her that her dreams to become an actress had started on the theatre stage, and now, as the song neared its end, Maya could understand it. There was a clear difference between this and her art, but, in the end, wasn't the goal the same? The audience was reacting to them, and wasn't that the point of art? To tell a story visually, to cause people to react? She undulated her body to the rhythm of the song, freestyling a bit, since the routine really wasn't as rigid as the final one.

Softly at first, and with rising prominence, male voices started to blend in with theirs, and giving one last move that Dylan had dubbed "playfully sassy" she winked at the audience before backing away along with all the other girls, giving way so that the guys could commandeer the stage. She settled in one of the wings, and, from her location, the stage lights weren't nearly as blinding. She tried to spy her friends in the crowd, but failed. She did see Matthews in the middle of an aisle with a camera on a tripod and she barely stifled a groan at that. Where had he even gotten one? She moved on, not really caring about the sea of faces until she settled upon Liam's. He was in the front row, beside Mr. Jackson, sporting a bright red and orange jacket that needed to be burnt. Now that was weird, she thought, storing it away as something to investigate later. Was there ever a time that she had seen Liam on his own, or was he truly always with their art teacher if he wasn't with Emily, Dylan, or increasingly, her? And, had she ever seen him in the hallways alone?

She didn't think so...

She was jarred out of her thoughts as the boys' voices reached a crescendo and faded away, the strains of a guitar taking promise. Oh, she realised, it was their turn again. Her heart started to beat a bit more rapidly now as her mind threw images of the past week's performance back at her, and yup, there were all of her nerves returned in full fury. She was one of the last girls to return to the stage, and so she watched with increasing nervousness, as one by one, the others walked out, seeking expressions on their faces as they circled from one guy to another until they found their partner. When it was her turn, Maya had to force her stride to remain loose and flowing as she walked. With very few options left to choose from, her role in the dance was less searching, and more that of a person with their eyes set firmly on the prize.

Shane was dancing slowly in rhythm by himself as she approached, her gaze fixated on the back of his head. She joined in with the slowly building harmony as she neared him. Not for the first time, she lamented that, even with heels on, she was the shortest girl in the group, necessitating her and Shane to be in the foreground for the routine for it to be effective. Shane froze suddenly, as if sensing her gaze, and forcing an almost smirk onto her face, Maya sauntered around him, shooting him what she hoped came across to the audience as a coy glance, before nearly stumbling as she saw the fervour in his eyes. Okay, he definitely usually waited until they were actually holding hands to start with the heart eyes. She flushed slightly as she turned on the spot, as if she was unable to complete the requisite circle that all the other girls before her had made because of what she saw when she looked at him.

This was quickly become more of a reality than she had expected, Maya thought, her voice wavering slightly as she now froze while Shane started dancing. She was facing the crowd, giving her a brief reprieve from his too expressive hazel eyes while he did his part. She could only hope her heaving chest was not noticeable as he reached out to take a hold of her outstretched wrists. She unfroze, and on beat, leant forward before she whipped her head around, leaving it up to him to keep her steady as she transitioned the move into a rotation, so that she was facing him. They were supposed to cup hands at that point, but it seemed as if Shane, bolstered by his earlier words, had other plans. He interlaced their fingers as he sung his part, while the other wrapped around her waist.

She knew instantly that she should just forget her part, and not bother to look up at him, because now, more than ever, she was certain that she would lose the beat, and cause them to falter, if not fall entirely. But, lowering her head and singing seemed even worse, because even now she could feel the heat of his gaze on her head, and she felt compelled to see him. And so, as if in a trance, she lifted her head, only to be hit with that same feeling of being overwhelmed as she saw the promise in his eyes, the promise to make her his priority. It was too much, and just as she feared, Maya feet herself tripping.

A second later, she gasped, hoping beyond hope that the singing and the music drowned the sound out, as, as if anticipating it, Shane dropped his other hand to her waist, and lifted her, using the momentum until to turn on the spot, until she was up in the air, her hands automatically dropping to his shoulders to steady herself. He had broken the routine in the worst possible way to save her, and while she appreciated it, she didn't know what on earth she could do to compensate for it now. He was slowly lowering her back down now, and in that moment, she realised that this was exactly what her mother had meant. They were in no-man's land, and she could either stop dancing, and thus ruin the show, or just trust in Shane and his years of experience dancing, and let him take control of the situation they were in.

In a split second Maya made her decision, on both the dance, and their conversation, and she gave him an almost imperceptible nod that drew a hug grin from him. She let him pull her close and just focussed on matching and mimicking him, not worrying about if how they moved matched the rest of the group in any way. Her only care was on following his cues and singing her parts. At some point, she vaguely realised that he had returned them to the true routine, a good thing, she thought, even as he lifted her again, briefer this time, and for once, she didn't worry about the safety of her ankle as she landed and twisted, immediately offering him her hand once again, smiling faintly when he interlaced their fingers again.

She gradually lowered the volume of her singing – the song was meant to end with the boys serenading them – and simply relaxed as he led her through the last turn before they just circled on the stop, their feet neatly intertwining as they held each other's gazes again while he crooned to her. This time, she felt herself flush lightly at the emotions she saw there and the realisation that yes, they were directed at her, and her alone. They were supposed to end the routine in that position, just drifting to a stop, but it seemed that Shane had one last surprise left for her.

He dipped her, and deeper than he had ever tried to do before in practice. Her fingers dug tighter into his shoulder in surprise, but he seemed unfazed by it. He balanced her weight easily, and Maya could only look up at him through widened eyes because their faces were already quite close, and, unless she was imagining it, he was slowly lessening even that distance. He really could not be intending to…? She felt her lips trembled slightly, and her mind cleared. Nothing else was registering beyond his face so close to her, and she couldn't help the way her eyes started to drift close when one loud, quite amused voice penetrated through the fog that had seemingly enveloped her.

"Hell yeah Shaney! You better kiss blondie good!"

Liam, that was definitely Liam, and Maya stiffened, his voice jolting her right back to reality. She realised his shoulder and would have fallen if he didn't immediately compensate for it. He deposited her carefully on her feet beside him, and immediately Maya moved away from him, feeling the heat radiating off her face. Other sounds registered now, catcalling and hooting, and yes, it only took a brief look to confirm that it really was directed at the two of them. It was too much, everything was too much, and embarrassed, she meant to walk off the stage, because yes, she had just nearly had her first kiss right there on stage in front of the entire school.

Shane grabbed her wrist as he passed her though, and she paused to look up at him in confusion. She hadn't known that her blush could deepen any further, but it was certainly put to the test when, Shane lifted her hand up and pressed a tender kiss to the back of her hand.

"Thank you Maya," he intoned huskily, and squeals – mostly female – erupted around the hall because, of course, the microphones were still on.

Everyone had heard him just like everyone had witnessed his show of affection. And that moment was forever caught on Matthews' camera and was probably seared into the minds of her friends. Later on, when they were safely off stage, Maya would lament that fact and would allow Emily to cuddle her close while Dylan ripped Shane apart for first deviating from the routine, and then, for doing what he had done. But for now, all she could do was look at him as she tried to decide what was louder, the screams from the crowd, or the beating of her heart.


	20. Chapter 20

Maya's pencil scraped slowly over the page in long, languished strokes as she stared contemplatively down at the page. She didn't have a particular design in mind; she had only picked up the sketchpad and pencil to give her hands something to do besides rake continuously through her hair. She was home, thankfully alone in her bedroom, where there were no prying eyes to observe her. She would never understand people who went out of their way to be the centre of attention, she thought, as she lengthened a line. She had nearly gone crazy trying to get away from the gazes of so many people on her. It was one thing to perform for an audience, but to have people's eyes on her because of a personal situation? Absolutely not. She hated it. She was only glad that, thus far, Riley was actually respecting her desire to be alone. She would talk to her tomorrow and explain everything, after all she was her best friend and deserved to know every last detail about something so important. But, for now, she wanted a chance to sort things out on her own without any outside influence.

Oh, it wasn't as if she wasn't aware on a theoretical level of how she should handle things. After all, it wasn't like she had spent all her free time with Riley over the past few years. She had wandered New York, including the less savoury parts of it. As a result, she had interacted with people from all walks of life. Consequently, she had been privy to discussions among men and women alike that, perhaps, hadn't been all that appropriate for the ears of a child. But boy had she learnt from them. And so, she knew how romances should play out, and, it was quite clear that she was definitely in some sort of romance right now, even if it was only the beginning stages of it. She also knew that part she had to play. The ball was in her court now; Shane had put it all out on that stage for her, and had suffered his brother's wrath because of it. She had to make a decision now. She could either accept what he was offering, or reject it, and, surprisingly, it was not an easy choice.

There were many factors involved, the least of which was the fact that she would undoubtedly become the school's greatest douchebag if she didn't react how the school's population expected. That thought left a bad taste in her mouth and she grimaced, briefly angry that Shane had taken things beyond their conversation back stage. How could she in good faith refuse him now? However, she acknowledged, that little detail didn't bother her too much. This was high-school, and teenagers had short memories when it came to things not immediately relevant to them. She could reject him, face being ostracised for two or three weeks tops, and then all would go back to normal. Besides, she wasn't Riley; popularity had never been important to her, so it didn't matter to her anyway if people thought ill of her.

Moving on from that thought then, Maya tried to think about Shane himself. It wasn't as if she knew a lot about him, and that, she realised was the most daunting thing of all. She had known Josh and Lucas for a long time before she really realised what she had felt for them. Josh had been Riley's older uncle who tolerated genuinely enjoyed their presence and whom she loved to see laugh and smile at her. Lucas had just been the new guy from out of state who was oh so easy to tease. It had taken her a long time with both of them to understand her feelings. More than that though, she could trust that her feelings in them were justified because, knowing them as she did, she had first-proof that her trust would not be misplaced in them. She had yet to experience any defining moment with Shane that could reassure her that she was doing the right thing letting him in, and for all she had reacted to him on the stage, she wasn't going to let that one moment of weakness guide her. After all, could any girl claim to not feel something when faced with the heartfelt words of a cute boy while dancing to romantic music? She needed a heck of a lot more than that before she could see herself agreeing to do anything with him.

And yet, perhaps, she was better off talking things over with him for that very reason? After all, she had fallen into a pattern now, first with Josh and then with Lucas. And things had technically not gone anywhere with either of them. She and Josh had finally settled on a promise for someday, but wasn't that dependent on neither of them finding someone they cared about over the course of the next four years? And, if those few hours she had spent at that college party had showed, there were many beautiful, intelligent girls there that Josh was interacting with every day. It was only a matter of time before he found one worth his time, regardless of what he had promised her. And Lucas…Lucas was a subject not even worth dwelling on.

Shane was a break from that pattern. There was no ifs, maybes or somedays with him. Neither was there any other girl for her to compete against. Shane was offering to make her his sole priority, and that was a bit appealing, if not all slightly scary. Therefore, did it really matter if she didn't know him that well? Technically that was how dating usually went anyway. Find someone relatively attractive – which Shane was – and then go out with them and see if there was anything worthwhile there – which she supposed was what he was offering to do. Most people weren't lucky enough to know the person they were interested in intimately beforehand, and so, could guess from the start if there was a real connection to be had there.

So perhaps, like Shawn, she needed to get away from the notion of a perfect romance and a perfect couple. After all, he had grown up alongside Matthews, watching his relationship with Topanga develop into marriage and beyond, and she had grown up with Riley watching her friend's parents' perfect marriage evolve. In a way, they had both been influenced by it, and maybe she was better off breaking away from that idea now before in fifteen or so years, she found herself rolling about on a floor with Riley in whatever little cabin she had leased. And, maybe the best way to avoid that was not to try to follow in the Matthews' footsteps like she knew Riley was doing, whether or not she realised that, and instead try something else.

And maybe Shane was the first step in that process.

*

Maya drummed her fingers against her thighs as she sat on the steps, waiting for Shane to come down to her. Oh, he had offered to buzz her into his apartment building, but that was just a bit too personal for her right now. She didn't want to meet the family or anything like that; it would only make things a lot more awkward, especially if Shane's family knew who she was. And so, she sat on the steps outside the building and people-watched until he came down. She looked up when she heard footsteps coming behind her, and, unlike the other two times it had happened, it was actually him.

"Maya, hey," he greeted as he reached her and sat. "Are you sure your parents are okay with you being out so late?"

"It's just my mom and me for now," she answered, "and trust me, it's okay. Thanks for coming down."

"Of course," he said immediately. "Do you just want to sit here or shall we walk for a bit?"

She thought about it for a second and then stood. "Let's circle the block. I've only been in this area a few times so I want to take a look around. How soon do your parents want you back?"

"I've got about an hour or so," he told her as they started walking slowly, keeping near to the buildings to best avoid being interrupted by anyone else.

"Is Dylan still mad at you?" she asked, stuffing her hands into her coat's pockets as she looked up at him.

He rubbed at the back of his neck for a moment. "Dylan the captain of show-choir is incredibly disappointed in me and thinks I should be suspended from performances until I prove myself to be reliable. Dylan my big brother however is quite impressed at how far I'm willing to go to get the girl.

"I'm sorry," she told him. "If I hadn't tripped…"

"Nah, it's fine," he interrupted gently. "I'd be lying if I said I have never imagined sweeping you off your feet before."

Maya dropped her gaze, swallowing deeply at that. Okay, perhaps music and dancing wasn't quite necessary to make her feel this way. "You really like me?" she asked, and even to her own ears her voice sounded shy and small.

"I do," he confirmed. He gripped her elbow gently and drew her to a stop in the archway of a shop that seemed to have already closed for the night. "Do you like me?"

"I-I'm not sure if I feel the same way," she admitted, forcing herself to look up at him again. It was the least he deserved.

His hopeful expression fell slightly, but then he nodded. "That's okay," he answered. "I meant what I said to you backstage. I know you've been through a lot lately, and maybe, knowing that, I should have waited. I-I just wanted to jump at the chance, but maybe that was me thinking of myself instead of me thinking about what's best for you."

"You hardly know me Shane. You can't know what's best for me."

"But I want to," he said earnestly. "I want to know everything there is to know about Maya Hart."

"And when that sends you running for the hills?" she asked, only half-joking.

"I don't think that can happen Maya," he returned.

There was so much she could say in rebuttal to that, she knew. Heck, she could simply just mention Lucas' name and he was bound to get what she was implying. But, that wasn't why she had left her bedroom to come here. She didn't plan on chasing him away. "Liam said that you were going to ask me to Homecoming. Was that true?"

"It was," he confirmed. "I was planning to do it after we got off-stage, but, well you know…"

"Dylan," she finished, chuckling slightly.

"And maybe," he said then, as he reached into his pocket, "the reason I took so long to come meet you is because I was looking for something in my room."

"Something?" she repeated, her eyebrows raising as he pulled out a beaded band from his pocket.

"It's not much," he said, as he showed it to her. "Mom bought my sister this jewellery making set for her birthday and I got bamboozled into doing it with her. I made it with you in mind, and I figured that this would be as good a time as any to give it to you."

"It's nice Shane," she said sincerely, as she held out her wrist to him, allowing him to tie it around her hand. It was made of neutral colours, and somehow she instinctively knew that his sister had thrust them upon him in order to hoard all the bright, glittery beads. She didn't mind in the least though. The shades of brown and black had a bohemian vibe to them, and she could see it matching with a lot of her clothing if she chose to continue wearing it. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he returned, as he made to hold her hand.

It took only a second for her to lace her fingers with his and give his hand a little tug, leading them back onto the pavement.

"Can I take this as a yes?" he asked, eventually.

"A yes to what?" she asked, glancing up at him. "Homecoming or…?"

He was silent for a moment. "Both?" he offered.

Maya waited until they passed a vending booth with blaring music before she responded. "I was serious when I said I don't know how I feel Shane," she warned him. "Will you be okay with that?"

"I can wait until you decide how you feel," he said, squeezing her fingers gently. "But that doesn't mean I won't do my best to woo you in the interim."

"Who even says woo anymore?" she laughed.

"Well it's what I plan to do," he said, shrugging.

"Well," she told him, making up her mind, "if you're truly okay with that, then my answer is yes."

He stopped them again, not even acknowledging the complaint coming from the person who had been walking behind them. She turned to face him, looking up at him. "Yes to Homecoming?" he asked, seeking clarification.

"Yes to Homecoming," she agreed, swinging their joint hands slightly.

"And yes to or…?" he asked then, his voice rising a bit.

She chuckled, but nodded, hoping that she was indeed doing the right thing. "And yes to or, Shane."

He breathed a sigh of relief, and Maya found herself smiling in response to the broad grin that took over his face. His free hand came up to cup her cheek, and Maya, having seen a similar gesture being made enough times now, tilted her head to the side a bit, allowing him to kiss her cheek.

*

"He made this for you?" Riley gasped, as she raised Maya's wrist up so that she could better examine the new piece of jewellery she sported.

"He did," Maya confirmed, and Riley gave in to her urge to squeal.

"Maya this is great!" she declared as she hugged her tightly. "And you're definitely a couple now?"

"We're dating," Maya clarified, as she fingered the bracelet. "I suppose then it's a good thing we're going dress shopping tomorrow, because now I actually have a reason to go."

"As if I wasn't going to drag you to the dance anyway," Riley huffed. "This does change things though. This is our first high school dance Maya, and we have dates and I get to paint mah face."

"Your parents agreed?" she asked, surprised.

"I'm almost fifteen Maya, it would have been cruel for them to continue to refuse to let me. Which means you have to show me how to put on eyeliner. I want wings, baby!"

"How about we make sure you don't stab yourself in the eyes before we get ambitious?" she offered wryly, and Riley pouted at her. "Besides," she continued, "how come you didn't tell me that Lucas asked you? I want details!"

Riley's enthusiasm faded slightly at that. "He didn't exactly ask me," she admitted, as she moved to tuck a leg under the other.

"Oh?" Maya asked, frowning slightly. "Well, I guess it makes sense. You two are a couple so it's obvious you're going together, but I thought he'd have asked you just the same."

Riley twisted her mouth slightly. Maya's logic did make sense. After all, Farkle had taken Smackle to dinner the night before to do that very thing. "It's what we agreed to," she told her.

"Agreed to?" Maya repeated, confused.

"When we got together," she elaborated, "Lucas and I made a couple of rules. One of them is that we don't have to ask each other to dances and things."

"What were the other things?" Maya asked her slowly, her confused expression not abating in the least.

"Umm," Riley hedged, as she tried to recall them. "If he was getting a sandwich he would get me something to eat as well, cake including. Oh, and we keep all the important conversations between the two of us."

Riley wasn't entirely sure how she had expected Maya to react to her revelation; thus far she had been quite careful not to bring Lucas up around her too much in deference for their still strained situation. But, out of all the ways Maya could react, Riley hadn't expected it to be with incredulity mixed in with hints of anger.

"What kind of deal is that?" Maya demanded. "And you agreed to this Riley?"

"It seems sensible," Riley defended.

"A relationship isn't supposed to be a sensible thing Riley," Maya returned, "and especially not one with you. Riles, you ran an election to become a princess for god's sake. He knows this. You live for sweet gestures. Lucas is the one who brought that white horse back just to give you a ride through the school. You live for sweet gestures, and getting asked to a dance is one of those sweet things. Hell Farkle gave you a rose because I was performing and that's exactly what you deserve."

"Things change Maya," Riley tried to explain.

"Are you really trying to tell me that those things don't matter to you anymore Riles?"

"No," she said, "but I think you're taking this the wrong way. Our talk was perfectly romantic. He even got me something too," she added with a bit more excitement.

She got up from the bay window, and dug around on her dresser for a moment before she came back with a ring case. "I shouted for you when he first pulled it out," she explained, "but I suppose you were too far away to hear."

"He gave you a ring?" Maya asked, disbelieving.

"No," she chuckled, and popped it open so that she could see that it was empty. "He gave me a purple jellybean. I can't remember what he said it meant anymore, but it was sweet at the time."

"Where is it?" Maya inquired, and Riley was a bit relieved that she seemed a lot calmer now.

"I ate it," she admitted sheepishly. "I wanted something sweet the other day, and it was there."

She couldn't help but laugh when Maya snorted. "So the cowboy got you a jellybean as a declaration of his feelings and you ate it? Oh Riles," she said and broke into laughter as well.

"I never did thank you for that, did I?" Riley said eventually, once they had calmed down. "For giving me Lucas."

"It was the right thing to do," Maya said simply. "Although if I had known you two were going to muck up a simple process so much I would have written out instructions as well. You two went about this the wrong way."

Riley chuckled at that, and moved to rest her head on Maya's shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you," Maya returned, and Riley smiled when she felt her head press against hers.

*

Riley sighed, as she drew one of the bay window cushions onto her lap so she could hug it. For once she had woken up from a nap before Maya, she thought, as she shot her slumbering friend a fond look. She supposed that all the weeks of practicing and the resultant late nights had gotten to her, which was the main reason Riley hadn't bothered to wake her up so far. Maya deserved to rest. Riley's cheeks puffed out as she exhaled through her mouth. She had been a bit dismissive of Maya's words earlier, and had gone out of her way to try to show her that yes, her and Lucas' conversation had been more romantic that it had originally seemed, but, a part of her acknowledged that indeed, it had been…lacking in a way. Bur circumstances had caused it to be that way. After all, neither of them could have envisioned Maya backing out as she had, and, without her as a complication, it was a no-brainer for them to get together.

Except…

Maya was right. She really did like the little gestures that her agreement had rendered unnecessary, and truthfully, she hadn't expected Lucas to stick to it. She didn't need, or wanted anything particularly extravagant. A handwritten note asking her to Homecoming would have been perfectly fine. But Lucas' text the night before in which he had asked her to let him know where they should meet up before the dance indicated that he planned to follow the dictates of their arrangement perfectly, and that didn't sit well with her. She couldn't help but look across the room to her table where Farkle's rose sat in a vase and briefly her lips lifted as she thought of its delicate scent. Maybe she was just reading too much into it, she decided. After all, it wasn't as if she had done anything particularly sweet for Lucas lately as well, so they were pretty much even on that front, and, for all she knew, he had something great planned for Homecoming night.

Her expression fell slightly the more she thought, especially when her mind drew her back to his reaction to seeing Shane kiss Maya's hand on stage. All of them had been shocked to various degrees, although much like they had done when Josh had shown up at Topanga's, Smackle and Zay had seemed more amused at the proceedings than anything else. Lucas, on the other hand, had been a stoic presence beside her. And, it wasn't as if he had been trying to keep up the same indifferent expression he had sported the few times Maya had come around lately. He definitely had been affected by what he had seen, but Riley wasn't quite sure what it was that he had been thinking. She wanted to believe that he had been shocked to see Maya with Shane like that. After all, she hadn't whispered any of her suspicions to him, so, as far as he had known, Maya was solely playing the long-game with Josh. But, a part of her knew that that had not been shock on Lucas' face, but, she couldn't quite place the emotion, and, once she had put her hand on his knee, he had jumped slightly and the expression had disappeared, replaced with his usual fond one as he looked at her.

His return to normalcy had relaxed her, and much like now, Riley was ready to dismiss the whole thing. Maybe it had indeed just been shock, both at what he had been seeing, but also at the realisation that Maya was fine despite his decision to stop being friends with her. She latched on to that explanation and gave a soft harrumph. Well it was his own fault, she thought. More than once she had tried to make him see just how silly his decision had been and he had refused to relent. Perhaps this was good, and the sight of Maya so comfortable with someone else was exactly what he needed to fix things.

She really hoped that that would be the case, because she was starting to miss the six of them being together in one cohesive group. Things hadn't been the same between the six of them for a while now, and she would give anything for it all to just go back to how it had been before.

*

Maya groaned tiredly as her phone started to go off yet again. She had already rolled over once, desperate to return to sleep, only for it to start up again. "Make it stop," she begged, as she pulled a pillow over her head. "Riley," she added plaintively.

"I'm here," Riley responded, and Maya felt as the bed dipped slightly as Riley sat.

Maya breathed in relief as the noise stopped, and she snuggled into the mattress, prepared to go back to sleep.

"There's a lot of messages here for you Maya," Riley said. "Look, they're still coming in."

"Sleepy," she grumbled, adjusting herself slightly.

"You've been asleep a while now," Riley answered, and shook herself, the bed moving in the process. "Get up. I think something's happened. People are congratulating you."

"Maya's not home right now," she tried, a futile gesture, she knew, because as expected, within seconds, Riley had pulled the pillow off her head.

"Whose Julie? And Erin? Jackie? Justin? Freddie?"

"Show choir and art," she responded, as for one long moment, she allowed herself to savour the comfortable warmth that was Riley's bed before she sat up. "And what are they congratulating me about? Dating Shane?"

"Someone named Emily is the only one to have mentioned him so far," Riley explained, still scrolling through her messages. "Oooh, one from the Liam guy. It's a bunch of hahahahas."

"What?" she asked, confused, as she stopped rubbing at her eyes. "Give it here," she bid, taking it from her, and staring down in confusion at the messages. Yeah, none of them made any real sense. She settled on responding to Liam first, simply sending him three question marks. Her Facebook was also pretty active she saw, and she opened her Messenger, Riley resting her chin on her shoulder so she could see as well. "A bunch of friend requests, and messages," she muttered, choosing on accessing the group their middle school friends had formed during the last summer first. As she had anticipated, what had started up as a very active group had quickly dwindled into one or two conversations ever so often, but people were definitely on it now. Beside her, Riley frowned and quickly moved to grab her own phone, unlocking it so she could access the group herself.

"Wait, why is Darby talking about embers, smoke and fire?" Riley asked confused. "And why does everyone seem to be agreeing with it?"

Maya heard her question, but didn't answer, because Liam had responded. She read his message one more time before deciding to just do what he had instructed instead of calling him and yelling at him for being so cryptic. Besides, even more people were messaging her now, and she was quickly growing fed-up of being the only one to not know what was going on. She had left her laptop charging on Riley's table, and rolling off the bed, she got it, glad that it had been on sleep mode. She didn't think she had the patience right about now to wait for it to actually boot up.

"Did you figure it out, Maya?" Riley asked, as she crawled to the edge of the bed where she sat.

"Something about the Homecoming court," Maya muttered, as she hurriedly logged in.

Riley gasped loudly beside her, and, trusting her fingers to type correctly, Maya turned to arch a questioning eyebrow at her. "What?"

"People are congratulating you Maya," Riley said excitedly as she started to wriggle back and forth in a way that signalled that a giant "YAY!" was soon to come. "And it's about Homecoming. What do you think that means?"

Maya wanted to scoff, but truthfully a kernel of nervousness was now settling into the pit of her stomach as she waited for the link dedicated to Homecoming to load. "When did voting end?" she asked hesitantly.

"At ten last night," Riley replied instantly, and immediately, Maya wanted to groan.

No wonder Liam had been so amused, she realised, even as she planned the best way to throttle Shane.

"Hey," she protested when Riley snatched the laptop away.

"Too slow," she complained.

"Riley," she snapped, but the brunette determinedly held it out of reach.

Maya huffed, but didn't try to fight her. She would wait. But, when after nearly half a minute passed with silence on Riley's part, she frowned, and poked at her calf. "Well?" she asked. "Were you right?"

Riley straightened, and Maya was surprised to see not happiness or jubilation on her face, but instead trepidation and a slight paleness. "You're one of the two finalists for Freshman Homecoming Princess," Riley confirmed.

"Okay," Maya said, nodding, uncertain how to react, because why wasn't Riley happy about it? For a moment Maya felt a hint of dread. Riley had been adamant that she hadn't cared about the entire thing, but, maybe now that she had been nominated – something entirely Shane's fault – was she upset that it hadn't been her? "Look Riles, if I win, I'll give you the tiara," Maya continued quickly, but Riley shook her head.

"Shane's one of the nominees for prince," she told her next.

"Not exactly unexpected," Maya acknowledged. "So what has you like this?"

Riley swallowed and stared at her for a moment before she responded. "Lucas is the other nominee."

And suddenly, Riley wasn't the only one turning pale.


	21. Chapter 21

Zay didn't bother to knock as he reached Lucas' bedroom door. He had enjoyed his time at his friend's home so far – Lucas' mama had offered him some of the pie she had made the night before and there was no way he could refuse that – but now it was time to get serious. Lucas didn't even know he was there; according to his mama he had all but barricaded himself into his bedroom, only emerging whenever she called him for food. She had actually been happy when he had shown up and hoped that he could help draw him out of his bad mood. Zay hadn't had the heart to tell her that what he was here to do would probably worsen his condition, but, he couldn't bring himself to care too much about that fact right now. He was a man on a mission, and he would get it done. With that in mind, he squared his shoulders and pushed the door open.

"We need to talk Lucas," he declared, lowering his tone in an attempt to seem intimidating. He was quite certain that his voice, coupled with the scowl on his face would have actually inspired fear in his friend, but, unfortunately, Lucas didn't even glance in his direction. Instead, he continued to toss the football – bought during that one ill-fated week when they had tried to join the team – into the air, catching it deftly.

"Go away Zay," he responded, shifting slightly on the bed. "I'm not in the mood for company today."

"Yeah well that's too bad," he responded, closing the bedroom door, "because you and me got some talking to do." He walked to Lucas' desk, and snagging his chair, spun it around and straddled it.

"I'm serious Isiah," Lucas said, and Zay's scowl returned as he actually used his full name. When he didn't respond, Lucas briefly turned his head into his direction, pinning him with a look that had sent more than one person scampering back in the day. However, it had, and would never work on him, and so Zay simply stared right back at him, until, rolling his eyes, Lucas went back to playing with the football. "Talk and leave," he said grumpily."

"I'll leave when I want to," he answered pertly. "This is important Lucas."

"When is it not important?" Lucas grumbled. "What's happened this time? You and Vanessa fighting again?"

Zay grimaced, but didn't allow himself to be distracted. He wasn't here to talk about the state of his personal life. "It's about Maya."

Now that, Zay thought with satisfaction, was exactly the sort of reaction he wanted to see, because, at the mention of the blonde's name, Lucas' repetitive movement faltered, and he had to hurriedly roll away to avoid getting a face-full of football. The teenager glared at him, but Zay only gave him a wide grin in response, causing him to huff disgruntledly, before he finally sat up, giving him his full attention.

"Whatever she's done is none of my concern," he said. "I'm sure that Riley and Farkle can handle it."

"Maya hasn't done anything," Zay responded. "She's nominated for Homecoming Princess."

Lucas' expression flickered, and, if Zay hadn't known him for so many years, he would have missed that spark of pride in his eyes before it faded away and Lucas returned to his sullen state. Zay noticed the brief change with interest though, glad that he had been right in his summation. Lucas wasn't as apathetic to Maya as he would like them all to believe, and that little fact would certainly make his job a lot easier. He regretted not asking Mrs. Friar when exactly Lucas' moodiness had set in. He knew that the woman had brushed it off as typical teenage behaviour, but Zay was pretty certain now that if he dug far enough, he would fine that his changed behaviour had started around the time a certain blonde girl had nearly gotten kissed onstage.

"What does this have to do with me though?" Lucas asked.

His response irked Zay; even now, in the privacy of his bedroom, Lucas still insisted on pretending not to care. He didn't like that one bit, and so, he couldn't resist the snarky tone he adopted when he spoke next. "You really going to play this game Friar?" He was swiftly growing tired of all of this. While he had been more than willing to clear the air between the two of them, things were absolutely not one hundred percent back to normal between them. He still disapproved of his best friend's actions, something that Lucas very well knew. It was simply that, just like everyone else, Zay had decided to ignore the giant elephant in the room. But, after he had seen the nomination list, Zay had known that something had to be done and done fast for Maya's sake. He knew how she would react to the nomination list, and he knew that that reaction would not be good. Maya had taken such a long time to regain some of the happiness she had lost, and he would be damned if he would stand by and let Lucas handle this badly, and in doing so, hurt her further.

"There is no game," Lucas responded tiredly. "We've been over this before Zay. Her life is no longer my concern."

"It is when you and that guy she was canoodling with are the nominees for prince, Lucas," he said bluntly. "So sorry, but we are going to go over this again, and this time the outcome better be different." "Zay, we've been over this before," Lucas said tiredly. "Maya and her life is no longer my concern."

Lucas gaped at him. "You're kidding right?"

"I wish I was," he answered wryly. "The two of them getting selected isn't too much a surprise, but you? Your nomination blindsided everyone I think." Despite the grimness of the situation, Zay couldn't help but take some satisfaction in the mild irritation Lucas showed at the subtle jibe. "From what I've gathered, Darby's the mastermind behind this."

"How?"

"Seems like not everyone is willing to let the idea of you and Maya go," he said simply, striving to keep his tone entirely neutral on that statement. "They rallied the troops and got a lot of John Quincy Adam's alumni to vote for you, and since there's a lot of us…yeah."

"What are they trying to accomplish?"

"I'm not sure," Zay admitted truthfully. "Regardless, what's done is done and we have to deal with this. Maya's definitely going to react badly to this Lucas, so you need to stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop being a donkey's unwashed behind," he snapped. "Look, I know you think that Maya doesn't care about you or your esteemed opinions regarding her, but you're wrong, so damn wrong, and I don't understand how you can't see it. Maya, despite all you've said against it, is not fine. That girl hasn't been to Topanga's ever since that day Josh showed up, and whenever we can manage to get her to hang out with us in school, she doesn't say two words once you're there. And yes Lucas," he said when his friend made to speak, "I know you think she's just pouting because you won't let her have her way, but you know what I say to that? Bull! Absolute bull! I don't know what changed, what's made you so blind towards Maya and who she is after you spent so long being her defender, but I won't have it anymore.

"Actually," he amended, "I do know what's changed but buddy you need to shake that off and soon because Maya doesn't deserve to be treated this way just because you can't handle the fact that she didn't choose you."

"I chose Riley," Lucas responded softly, his tone more subdued now.

Zay scoffed loudly. "No Luke," he rebutted, "Maya chose Riley for you, and you went along with it. I don't know why, but that's the choice you made. So now you don't get to throw a hissy fit because she's moved on to someone else. You can deny it all you want, but you were jealous of Josh, and you sure as hell are upset because of what that guy did yesterday."

"Whatever you think I feel is wrong Isiah," Lucas told him firmly. "Riley is my girlfriend. She's the one I care for, and she's the one I chose."

Zay bit down on his lip, but didn't respond. He wasn't prepared to argue with Lucas about this, but, more than that, he was trying to understand what he was hearing. There was absolute honesty in Lucas' words, and that actually surprised him. For a while he had wondered if Lucas regretted how the triangle had ended; Riley was the safe choice, but Zay wasn't entirely certain that safety had been on Lucas' mind that day he had sat waiting in Riley's bay window for all those hours. But then Maya had taken the choice away from him, and, since then, in his opinion, he had started acting like a jealous idiot when any guy that wasn't him or Farkle hung out with Maya.

Could it really be that Lucas truly believed in those idiotic words he kept trying to feed them to justify why he wouldn't speak to Maya anymore? It really did seem to be the case, and, Zay had never more wanted to kick someone in the head now more than ever in the hopes that it would make him see reason. This entire situation was too frustrating. Riley, Maya and Lucas had made such a mess of everything, and they were all too stubborn to see the truth hidden behind their distorted view of reality.

For a moment Zay contemplated revealing his beliefs to Lucas, but then thought better of it. That was not what he had come here to do, and he instinctively knew that it would only make the situation even worse. He could only hope that the three Bozos could figure things out of themselves and soon, because he was starting to think that, given more time, Maya wouldn't be the only one suffering because of it.

"Fine," he settled upon saying, keeping his tone neutral. "But that doesn't change the fact that you need to fix this Lucas. Put yourself in Maya's shoes and honestly tell me she won't be affected by this. She's not some random person you've only just met Lucas. She's Maya, the beautiful blonde you wouldn't shut up about, the one you helped save the art programme for. What happened to your feelings for that girl?"

"She's not that girl," Lucas responded grimly, "hasn't been for a while Zay. She's back to the Maya who scared the hell out of me, and I can't have that girl in my life."

"You really expect me to believe that you were ever afraid of Maya?" he said sceptically.

"Zay, my first day at the middle school she set off all the fire alarms trying to burn everyone's homework."

"I would have loved to see that," Zay had to admit.

"Yeah well that's not the sort of person I need to be around Zay, especially not after what I did. I wasn't sure I should have been around her to start with, but she didn't give me too much choice there. Besides, I realised soon enough that she wasn't as reckless and rebellious as she wanted people to believe. The more I got to know her, the more I got to see her true nature, and the more I liked her. It was why I didn't have a clue what I should do when Riley ended up saying that Maya liked me. But that girl Zay? That Maya? She's gone. It's like she kicked that part of herself to the curb the minute the ink dried on that letter she wrote and I can't have that Zay. I won't have that."

"She doesn't seem all that different to me."

"She is with me," he responded, "and that is what matters. So I'm sorry Zay, but I really don't know what it is you expect me to do. I just can't pretend that everything fine between us. Maybe all of this will come to nothing anyway," he finished lamely. "Far more people are likely to vote for that guy anyway, so this may just be a non-issue."

"Have you seen our history?" Zay asked wryly, but Lucas only shrugged in response. Zay sighed, and jostled his foot a bit as he contemplated the situation.

He didn't know how it had happened, but Maya and Lucas' perception of each other had become terribly distorted, and, more than ever, he wasn't sure if things could be fixed, especially if both of them remained so stubborn. Suddenly, he found himself wondering if he was wrong to try to influence Lucas in this way. Maybe this disaster in the making was exactly what needed to happen to shake the pair out of this stagnated existence. He wanted to believe in that, he truly did, but he was also worried that things would only become worse as a result. He wasn't certain how and if Maya would handle things if that truly was the case.

*

Liam scowled when, after his third attempt at teasing, Hart still didn't do anything beyond give a noncommittal response and continue to carefully add colour to the roses she was painting. He wasn't one to interrupt someone as they worked - it was a major pet peeve of his - but to be honest, he was pretty certain that Hart wasn't at all engrossed in what she was doing. Her additions to the painting were slow, and not in a meticulous sort of way, and, more often than not, every few strokes she would pause to just stare at the painting in a contemplative way, her expression shifting from fondness to near-melancholy. Something was clouding her enjoyment of what she was doing, and it was fairly obvious what that something was. And so, while he would rather not deal with it at all, he knew that he would not be able to enjoy his current favourite past-time of annoying the blonde if remained in such a dreary state.

And so, the next time she lowered her brush, he spoke up. "Want to talk about it blondie?"

She glanced at him immediately, and he resisted the urge to scowl. So she was actually hearing him and just not giving in to his teasing. How rude.

"I don't."

"Yeah well it's apparently eating you up inside, and I don't like that," he declared, as he reached over to pluck the brush from her fingers and put it into her water cup. "Talk."

"I didn't know you cared," she drawled, her tone reassuringly snarky, if only slightly.

"Blue moon baby," he deadpanned, "so I suggest you spill. Unless you want to talk to Mr. J when he comes back?"

"No," she responded slowly. "I rather not talk about it at all because nothing I say is going to change anything. I can't get out of this stupid election tomorrow. The most I can do is just sabotage myself by doing something absolutely ridiculous before then, but somehow I don't think that's going to make much of a difference."

Liam felt a pang of sympathy for her at the tiredness in her tone. She wasn't too far off with that summation; despite her distaste for the situation, her popularity had skyrocketed - if only temporarily - and her competitor would be hard-pressed to find a way around that. From her tone it seemed as if she had resigned herself to that possibility, which meant that, undoubtedly, she was more concerned about just who she would be standing next to at the rally. And, for all intents and purposes, it really was a toss-up. He didn't know if Hart was aware - and truthfully he wasn't going to raise the subject to find out - but, even though Shane had come out of the nominations with the most votes, there were a number of rumours brewing that could and probably would make the actual freshman prince election a very interesting event to watch. Briefly he regretted his outburst in the hall the previous Friday that seemed to have jarred the dancing couple back to reality. If they had actually kissed he doubted that there would have been anything preventing them from a definite victory.

"What do you hope happens?" he asked.

"I hope Melissa Rosario wins," she responded immediately. "It would solve all of this."

"But since that's not going to happen," he answered bluntly, "what are you really hoping for? Shane or Lucas?"

"Do you even have to ask that question?" she snapped, and Liam was more than gratified to see her annoyance. There was his Blondie, he thought with mild fondness.

"Hey, I'm just checking."

"Shane obviously."

"Because he's the safe option?"

"Because he's the right option," she said firmly, looking at him. "Shane and I are trying to see where things go between us. Us winning would be a good thing, a safe thing. Wouldn't you choose Shane too if you were in my position?"

"It wouldn't matter to me," he told her immediately. "I've cut people out of my life and have been cut out by other people. Once they're gone, regardless of the circumstances, they become irrelevant to me. Me having to work together with them wouldn't matter because I wouldn't care."

"I wish I were still like that," she responded sadly.

"Who'd you cut?" he couldn't help but ask.

"My dad cut me and my mom out years ago," she revealed softly.

"It was a mutual decision between my mom and I," he returned, before regretting the admission when her eyes widened as she looked at him. "Forget that," he said gruffly. "This isn't about me and my wicked, wicked ways. This is about you and your little dilemma here. How much are you against ballot box stuffing?"

She let out a startled sort of laugh at that. "I rather not get suspended over something so stupid," she responded, a smile still playing at her lips. "But the suggestion is noted. I just wish..."

"What do you wish?" he asked when she drifted off.

"I wish I could be as firm as you," she responded, as she started to play with the end of one of her braids. "I wish I could say that it wouldn't matter one bit to me if Lucas won, but I can't. I guess I'm not strong enough to. I don't know how I'm going to handle this Liam, and I've spoken to my mom, Josh, Riley and now you about it. If he wins what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to stand in front of the whole school at the rally with a smile on my face? How am I supposed to take all those stupid pictures with him, and how am I supposed to dance with him? Just thinking about it terrifies me Liam, and I suppose that makes me a coward, but I can't help it. I want Shane to win, or even Melissa because if I have to stand beside him I'm afraid I'll be absolutely humiliated because everyone who has voted for him, everyone who's misguided enough to believe that there's still a chance that the both of us can be friends once again will see just how wrong they are, and just how much I've ruined things so that he can't even look at me. But there's no-one who is going to be more disappointed about that fact than me Liam, because even though he hates me, even though he doesn't like the things that make me me, I still wish that he was still my friend because I miss him so much, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about that."

Liam could only watch as she turned her head away to hide her vulnerability from him. He respected that, and, in deference to her, pretended he didn't see the glimmer of tears that had taken residence in her eyes before she had turned away. He got up and taking her dirty things, carried it over to the sink to give himself something to do. He hated to see her like this, hated that in that moment she seemed to be in an even more desperate place than when they had first met. But more than that, he felt his dislike for her indecisive group of friends raise even further, and not for the first time, wondered when she would realise that she was better off without them. She needed a clean break, just like he had done so many times before. It was the only way for her to ever get over the Lucas guy; it would hurt temporarily, but, just like him, she would be so much better off for it.

*

Could Zay actually be right, Lucas wondered as, not for the first time, his eyes drifted to the corner of the room Maya was standing in. Despite her punkish outfit, and the rather aggressive looking eyeliner she sported - and since when did she do that? - Maya seemed smaller than he had ever seen her before. They were in a small classroom near to the school's administrative offices awaiting the rest of the nominees and the vice-principal so that they could hear the results of the elections themselves. It was only fair he reckoned, that they heard who had won themselves before it was broadcasted to the entire school during the pep rally. It could be embarrassing for those of them who actually cared about this otherwise; he was definitely not one of those people. He looked at Maya again, only to find her glancing at him in return. She seemed to almost flinch when their gazes met and she turned away from him entirely, her arms wrapping around herself as she walked to one of the windows in the classroom.

He frowned at that. Had she really seemed almost scared just now, or was it just Zay's influence playing with him? Despite his words to the contrary, Lucas had found himself observing Maya more and more whenever the opportunity presented itself over the past few days. He had seen the way her footsteps faltered when she had looked up and found him already seated in the usual meetup spot, the first to arrive that day. She hadn't even bothered to greet him, but then again, neither had he to her, and, when Zay had arrived a few minutes later, she had all but latched on to his arm and pulled him some distance away. It had taken a few minutes, during which time he had amused himself listening to Riley, but eventually he had heard her laugh, and even then, to his own ears, it had sounded a bit subdued. Maya had always been honest in her positive emotions, and hearing that muted sound, Lucas had found himself wondering just how long she had been that way, and, if Zay was actually right and he was the cause of it.

He wasn't certain, wasn't sure if he could believe what his friend had told him. He had always firmly believed in what he could see for himself, but, shooting a next furtive look at Maya, he couldn't help but consider if he had been wrong. Maya truly did not look well, and, for the first time since it had happened, Lucas found that he could look past that dreadful night when she had been so aggressively hurtful to him and see the version of her standing near him. It was hard to reconcile the differences. Looking at her now he couldn't see that vicious girl, and he felt conflicted by the almost sad waif standing alone, keeping to herself despite the other people around. Her dance partner hadn't arrived yet, and obviously she wasn't on speaking terms with him, but not knowing someone had never stopped Maya from making conversation before. Heck that was exactly how he had first interacted with her.

Almost before he realised it, Lucas found himself crossing the room to where she was. She seemed lost in her thoughts, so lost that she didn't take notice of his presence until he was literally standing beside her. She did flinch this time, as she watched him, and Lucas frowned as he saw her expression. She wasn't scared he saw, but she was definitely very nervous, and he didn't like that he was the cause of it.

"I'll move," she said quickly, her voice shaking as she made to do just that.

"No," he said immediately, even as his brows rose slightly. Did she truly not want to be in his presence or was it that she was uncomfortable simply because of the discord between them? His confusion was growing, and he didn't know if he should be annoyed by Zay for inflicting this on him. Things had been more clear cut before and he wasn't sure if he appreciated this return to confusion. He had had a most uncomfortable few days post-ski lodge, and yet, he and Maya had reconciled in what he had deemed to be a terribly sweet way. He acknowledged that that was probably why he had reacted so strongly to her behaviour with Josh, because it had brought into question how genuine she had been then or why she had even bothered to make up with him only for that explosive interaction to happen less than a week afterwards. Her behaviour had become so unpredictable as of late, and, like he had told Zay, she definitely was no longer the kind-hearted girl he had come to appreciate, and he didn't think it was wrong of him for not wanting to be associated with her because of it.

"Maya I-" he started, before stopping, both because of the shock on her face that he had actually used her name, and also because he truly had no idea of what it was that he wanted to say. He didn't have a chance to try to speak again though, because at that moment, Shane appeared by her side.

"Sorry I took so long Maya," he said. "I had to shower after gym."

"I-it's okay," she answered him shakily, as she looked away from him.

Lucas watched as the other teenager wrapped her his arm around Maya's shoulders; after a moment she sagged against him in obvious relief.

"Oh hello," he said then and Lucas felt a hint of irritation at the mock-surprise in the other male's tone as he acknowledged his presence. He didn't appreciate his feigned emotion and the decidedly cool look in his eyes. "You're...Lucas, right?"

"And you're Shane," Lucas answered, just as levelly. "It's nice to meet you."

"Sure," Shane responded, and Lucas felt his annoyance rise a bit more at the dismissive edge to his tone. For all that New Yorkers were renowned for having bad attitudes at times, in his two plus years here Lucas had actually not experienced it that much, and, even when he had, it had never really been on a personal level. But now, he was well aware that he was being subtly insulted, and a part of his mind vaguely reminded him that he had gotten into fights for a lot less back home in Texas. He was way past that point now, but it gave him a bit of satisfaction nevertheless to know that he could totally take him if he wanted to, and so a faintly amused expression crossed his face.

"Were you two talking about anything important?" he asked looking down at Maya who was just standing there, her gaze drifting between the two of them.

Maya didn't answer him immediately, instead observing him in a questioning sort of way as if to see if he would continue the conversation he had tried starting earlier. She was a lot more comfortable now he realised, and that didn't sit too well with him, but neither was he in the mood to try continuing to talk with an audience, and he didn't even really mean Shane, because he could definitely sense the gaze of other people on them. Stupid rumours, he thought darkly, glad that Farkle was on damage control to ensure that none of them reached Riley's ears.

"It doesn't matter," he said simply.

He glanced at Maya one last time, and, was that a hint of disappointment in her eyes? He didn't have much time to verify that fact, because a hush settled over the room, distracting him.

He turned his head to see what had caused the abrupt silence, only to see that the vice-principal had arrived.

The results were in.


	22. Chapter 22

Her mother had done a great job, Maya acknowledged as she took in her reflection. She hadn't been one hundred percent sold on the dress when her mother had selected it out of the range of options she and Riley had settled upon, but, seeing it all pulled together like this, she could admit that she looked nice. She supposed that she did have a preferred dress type. Much like the red dress she had worn to the middle school semi-formal, this one was strapless although this one had a sweetheart neckline that she only now appreciated. Her favourite part of the dress was the detail on it. The details on it were her favourite part. The dress was burgundy, and, just below the bust was a thick vine shaped pattern of jewels that served as a belt before the dress flared out slightly to just below her fingertips. She couldn't help but gently finger the pattern, and knew that it would be with great reluctance that she took the dress off later.

Her mother had curled and then teased her hair into a half up-do, and Maya, even now, was impressed by her skill. She fiddled slightly with one of the pieces of hair that she had left free to frame her face. Her mother had decided against adding any of the jewelled hairpins they had gotten, saying that the tiara she would be given before the dance would be perfect on its own. She sighed at that thought, and, if it wasn't for the effort her mother had taken in applying her make-up, Maya would have rubbed at her temples. She settled for putting on her shoes with a bit more force than necessary, glad that they had wedged heels to facilitate long wearing.

Her phone beeped just as she finished strapping on the last one. As she expected, it was a message from Riley confirming her planned time for arrival at the school. She knew that her friend was a bit disappointed; she had expected them to get ready at her place as was tradition. Maya had had to gently burst the girl's bubble because Shane planned to take her out for dinner before the dance. Riley had pouted about it for a bit, before returning to her generally cheerful self, demanding details that Maya hadn't been privy too at the time. She had tried to subtly suggest to Riley that she should do something similar with Lucas, but truthfully, given the stressful week she had endured, she didn't know if anything had panned out.

In the midst of typing a response, she frowned as her mother let out a startled yet somewhat joyful shriek. She shook her head but finished sending the message; she supposed she had stumbled upon a rerun of one of those cheesy reality shows she had taken to watching lately. The only thing the dress lacked, she decided a minute later as she shoved her phone and wallet into a wristlet, was a pocket. She took one last look at herself before turning off her bedroom light and exiting the room. Shane should arrive in the next fifteen or so minutes, so she figured that she would let her mother get a head-start on taking pictures. It was something she knew she would have to endure a lot that evening, because, as a dance chaperone, Matthews was definitely going to insist upon a photography session with her and Riley once she got there.

As she neared the main living area she heard her mom talking excitedly. That in itself wasn't too unusual a fact, but, seconds later, she heard someone respond, and that voice definitely did not sound as if it was coming a cell-phone on speaker. Maya gave in to her urge to squeal as she ran into the living room. She was right. Seated on the couch with her mother cuddled into his side was definitely her future step-father.

They had heard the click of her heels as she had run into the room, and so, freeing himself from her mother, Shawn stood up, his eyes widening as he took in her appearance. For all that she wanted to run to him for a hug, Maya stood still, watching his reaction. She had only experienced this once before when Shawn had first bought her new clothes, and she couldn't help it, she wanted to see if he would react similarly. She was not disappointed. Shawn's mouth gaped slightly, before, with an audible oomph, he dropped back down onto the couch, pride and affection in his gaze.

"You look great Maya," he said, voice slightly choked with emotion.

"Thank you," she responded, marvelling at the way she felt one hundred percent prettier now. Was this what Riley felt everything Matthews complimented her, or was it a feeling that would fade the more she grew accustomed to it? Maya hoped that that wasn't the case. She gave into her urge to hug him them, and hurried to the couch, sitting on his free side and wrapping her arms around him, smiling when he returned the gesture.

"Careful with the makeup," her mother warned.

Maya ignored her and snuggled closer to him. "What are you doing here?" she asked, looking up at his warm gaze. "I thought you were in Minnesota."

"I was," he confirmed. "I wasn't sure if I could get here in time, so I didn't want to say anything to get your hopes up, but I made it, barely in time, but I made it. Your first high school dance wasn't something I wanted to miss."

Maya's eyes watered slightly at his words, while her mother reached up to kiss her fiancé's cheek.

"Ooh, I got you something," he said then, reaching into his pocket. "Your mom told me that there were sparkly things on the dress, and I know your ears aren't pierced so I got you this instead."

He pulled out a small white envelope and handed it to her. Maya opened it carefully and pulled out a delicate silver choker with a tiny jewelled pendant on it.

"I know you have the locket," Shawn explained, "but I figured that a girl can never have enough options so, if you want…?"

"Of course I'll wear it," Maya said, finishing his unasked question. She didn't wear her locket every day, and even when she did, it was usually tucked safely beneath her clothing, a steady, reassuring presence. She knew that nothing else could ever be as important to her than it, but this gift from Shawn was a definite close second. She opened the clasp and turned away from him, lifting her hair out of the way so he could put it on.

"I got a blue pendant since it'd match your eyes, but will it work with this dress?"

"Doesn't matter," Maya declared cheerfully, as she got up and hurried away so she could examine it in the hall mirror.

"Where's my sparkly?" she heard her mother playfully demand.

"On your left hand," Shawn mock-growled. "Although if you ask very nice I may concede that there may be something in my other pocket for- Katy!"

Maya slowly walked back to the living room, grinning when she saw her mother on top of Shawn as she tried to riffle through his pocket, Shawn making token attempts to stop her. She leant against the doorway, feeling her heart swell with love as her mother let out a joyous whoop and sat up, a jewellery box in her hands. Still straddling her fiancé, she opened it before squealing, "Earrings!"

"If you treat me nice I'll consider giving you the rest of the set for Christmas."

Her mother squealed again, a sound that had Maya's nose crinkling as she bit back a laugh. Her mother bent enough so that she could kiss him. She let them be for a few seconds, enjoying the domestic bliss occurring, before jokingly calling out, "Get a room you two." She was far from upset, but she supposed that, as a teenager there was a role she was supposed to play, and she would enjoy doing it.

She returned to the couch, settling for sitting on one of the arms. "Thank you Shawn," she told him sincerely. "It's beautiful. I love it."

"Anything for you kiddo," he returned.

Her mother tucked herself back under Shawn's arm but turned to give her a mischievous look. "Flowers, a bracelet and now a necklace. My, my Maya, aren't you a busy girl."

"Who gave her flowers?" Shawn demanded, the beginning of a frown crossing her face. "Not Twinkle Toes?"

And that, Maya thought wryly, confirmed that Matthews really had forwarded a copy of the performance to him.

"Farkle did," she responded.

"Oh…Minkus' kid," he said, obviously mollified.

"The bracelet was from Twinkle Toes," her mother mock-whispered. "And that same Twinkle Toes is her date tonight."

"Mom!"

"Oh is he now," Shawn said, an evil edge creeping into his tone. "And is he picking you up here Maya? Say yes, oh please say yes because I really want to have a talk with him before you go."

The doorbell rang then, and there was no doubt about who exactly would be on the other side of the door.

"I'll get it!" Shawn said, way too cheerfully, and shaking her head, Maya dropped down on the couch beside her mother.

"Might as well get front row seats to the show," she muttered, causing her to laugh beside her.

*

Shane really was a nice guy, Maya thought, as he carefully steered them around a crack in the pavement. Their evening had been great so far. Shane had survived Shawn – mostly because she had reminded him that Matthews would be a chaperone – and honestly, her date had seemed more amused than anything else by Shawn's antics. Dinner had been a simple affair. He had taken them to a quaint café a few blocks away from her apartment that she had known about but had never had the need to enter, and, after a few fancy sandwiches and some exotic fruit drinks that had been way too colourful, they had departed for the school.

She had learnt a lot about him over the past two or so hours. He had a real passion for singing and dancing, and hoped to be a successful Broadway actor something day. He had technically made some inroads into that already; he had had two minor roles off-Broadway back in elementary school, but his parents hadn't been willing to let him sacrifice a regular childhood, and so he had had to settle for school plays and local gigs since then. He didn't care too much for sports, but attended dance practice five days a week. His determination to succeed had left her a bit awed, and, as they walked quietly she wondered if any of her other friends had already outlined their futures in such clear-cut terms. She wasn't quite sure what she wanted to do at all; she only hoped that it featured art in some way.

"Just in time," Shane noted with satisfaction as they reached the school. "It's half-six."

"Good timing," she agreed, smiling when he offered her his arm for support as she walked up the stairs. She didn't need his help – she wore boots with a similar height on a regular basis – but, she had to admit that the gesture was a nice one, one that caused her to offer him a gentle smile.

The entrance wasn't too packed and so, within a few minutes, they had had their tickets stamps, and coats put away. Shane had gamely offered the use of his pocket for her phone, something that Maya was glad for, because wanted to take a good few pictures herself, and didn't want to depend on having to use someone else's phone for the task.

"Where do we have to go?" Shane asked her, as they slowly walked down the corridor in the general direction of the auditorium.

"The same classroom as before," Maya responded. "They're going to give out the crowns and tiaras, take some pictures and then the court opens the dance." She stopped them then, and turned toward him. "I can walk myself there you know."

"You're my date Maya," he told her, squeezing down on her hand gently. "Of course, I'll escort you there."

Maya nodded at that, still slightly subdued. "I'm sorry it worked out this way."

"Me too," he admitted, "but how many guys can say that their date is a princess huh? You'll look great with your tiara."

"Thank you," she responded, flushing slightly at the fond look he shot her.

Lucas had won. Despite all her hopes against the fact, Lucas had ended up edging Shane out by a handful of votes. She supposed, as they continued walking that, by the time the vice-principal had announced the results, she had spent so much time worrying about it that actually hearing their names called together had done nothing beyond leaving her feeling numb. It was a feeling that had taken her through till now, but, as they neared the classroom, Maya could feel worry start to claw at her stomach. Standing next to Lucas at the rally had been one thing. Opening the dance was something else entirely, and she wasn't sure if and how she could manage it.

*

Lucas felt his breath hitch as Maya entered the classroom, looking about her nervously. He had thought Riley a beautiful sight in her knee-length dark green dress, but looking at Maya, he had to acknowledge that she was just as gorgeous. There was just one other couple in the room so far, the King and Queen who, from what he had gathered, were an actual real-life couple if their complementary outfits and interlaced fingers were anything to go by. Maya finally noticed him, and she froze like a deer seeing headlights. Lucas barely restrained a frown as she took a literal step back upon seeing him, as if she wanted nothing more than to flee the room. In that moment, he finally acknowledged that Zay was right; he needed to do something, and not just because him trying to dance with a petrified girl would not at all be good form.

While his feelings toward Maya were still unresolved, he did not at all like the fact that she felt so uncomfortable at the idea of being close to him that she appeared timid, almost afraid. Even in the early days, before he had sussed out her personality, she had been fearless in the face of anything. To see her otherwise, and to know that he was the cause bothered him. For the first time since he had ended things, Lucas couldn't help but wonder if there had been some underlying reason to Maya's behaviour that he had been unaware of and if that really were the case, and he had turned his back on a silent cry for help, he did not know how he would live with himself.

Carefully, and with the same deliberate movements he would use if he were trying to get close to a skittish colt, Lucas approached her, careful to keep his expression pleasantly neutral.

"Hello Maya," he greeted once he was a few feet away from her, before admitting, to his mild consternation, "You look beautiful."

Maya's eyes widened at the compliment, and she reached up to cross her arms defensively. She ducked her head for a moment, and he knew without seeing the movement that she was worrying at her lip, before she looked back up at him, eyeing him with some suspicion.

"So I'm Maya again?"

He almost chuckled at that; it was like watching a kitten try to claw at something. Maya had tried to make her tone aggressively defensive, but it had come out wavering instead. He sobered a second later though when he remembered that her tone was the result of her being uncomfortable in his presence. "I think we should talk," he said decisively.

"Look," she answered, swallowing, "We don't have to do anything. It's just one dance and then you can go back to ignoring and hating me, okay?"

"I don't hate you Maya," he responded, surprised by the surety in her tone.

"Don't patronise me," she grumbled, and bypassed him.

He turned, watching as she sat down. He took it as a positive sign that she had settled on a short bench, rather than a chair, and so, didn't feel too awkward about following her, and sitting on the other end of it. He studied her in silence for a moment. Her hands were braced on her knees, and she seemed determined to examine every inch of tiles' pattern.

"Maya," he tried again, after a few seconds, "I don't hate you."

"You do," she returned, briefly glancing at him. "Until now it's been nothing but Ms. Hart this, Ms. Hart that. I know your Texan ways; that's only for acquaintances. You want nothing to do with me."

Lucas felt a pang of guilt assault him at the sadness underlying her words. Zay was right; he had been blind. He could hear the hurt in her voice, real hurt that could not in any way be feigned. Maya wasn't just upset because he wouldn't let her do as she pleased. She was upset because he had distanced himself from her. He had unknowingly caused her pain, something that he had never wanted to do. He couldn't help it; suddenly Lucas felt the need to see Maya and determine for himself just how much of the girl he liked she had done away with, and so, carefully, he reached out and, carefully grasping her chin, he urged her to lift her face towards him.

She didn't resist the movement, although the shock at his touch was clearly evident on her face as she met his gaze. Lucas didn't comment on it, and instead searched her eyes for long moments, trying to see beyond her words and behaviour toward him lately. Finally, he released her, his fingers immediately feeling oddly cold. She quickly turned away, shaking her feet in agitation.

"W-why did you do that?" she asked, voice shaky.

Lucas didn't respond immediately, lost in his thoughts. There had not been one ounce of antagonism in the blonde's eyes. He had seen confusion there, but also sadness, wariness and a tiredness that bothered him. The last time he had seen anything similar to that from the girl was around the time Mr. Matthews had assigned them that project on forgiveness and Maya had chosen her father. And yet, if he went off what Zay had said, he was responsible for the emotions laying there, and that did not sit well with him at all.

For all that he hadn't liked her behaviour, Lucas had never wanted to be the one to cause her pain, and yet, he had. He had thought that her feelings for him - whatever they were - had disappeared, and so had figured that there would be no consequence on her end if he chose to stay away from her. Oh, it hadn't been easy. It wasn't until the blonde had stopped being around him so much that Lucas had realised just how much of an impact she had on his day, how much he looked forward to her teasing, hearing her laugh, or just watching her expression light up at whatever it was she was seeing. He had convinced himself that none of those things mattered now, that he didn't care about her or her life, but now, seeing her like this, and knowing that he was the cause, Lucas felt his defences crumbling, and that pang of guilt increased exponentially.

Hadn't he, just like the rest of them, promised her at Riley's bay window that nothing would change? Oh, he knew that that promise had been a bit farfetched, it was obvious that things could not remain the same forever, but the basis tenant of that promise was that their friendships would remain intact, that they would always be there for each other. This was the second time he had failed on that promise since then, and he wanted to kick himself because of it.

"Maya," said, his voice a bit hoarse, "I thought that I could never hurt you, but I did, and I am so sorry for that."

Maya's head whipped towards him in shock. "You're apologising to me?" she asked, her voice disbelieving. "But I was the one who-"

"And here's our freshman royalty!"

Lucas had never had to resist the urge to glare at an adult more as they looked up to see the vice-principal, a short, portly man, observing them with broad smiles.

"Good evening sir," Lucas said, forcing himself to be polite. Beside him, Maya mumbled something similar.

"I must say you two make a dashing pair," Mr. Chandler complimented.

"Thank you sir."

"As is usually the case," he explained, "things are a bit behind schedule. The dee-jay is still setting up her soundboard and the photographer still hasn't arrived. Thankfully, Mr. Jackson is skilled enough with a camera that he'll handle the photography for the court so that won't be an issue. I've already sent the king and queen out to the decorated area, and since you arrived next you'll go after. Here are your crowns."

The man offered Lucas the two items, and he took them from him. "Have a fun time you two," the man concluded before walking away, obviously about to give a next variation of his speech to the junior couple.

Lucas set the two crowns aside for now, wanting to refocus on their conversation, but it was obvious that the mood between them had been disrupted and he wondered if was at all feasible to try to continue. Maya's expression was guarded as she looked at him, and Lucas sighed.

"Maya-"

"You don't need to pretend," she repeated.

"I'm not pretending," he said simply, his shoulders slumping. "I was wrong."

"But I-" she began, only to stop, looking hopelessly confused. "I don't understand," she finally said lamely.

This wasn't the time or the place for this conversation, Lucas acknowledged, especially since it was more than evident that the issues between them was not something that could just be discussed and resolved with one quick conversation. At the very least, he thought, Maya didn't seem to be as uncomfortable around him as she had been before. She was just confused, very confused, but, he figured ruefully, that was a bit better than skittish wasn't it?

Gently, he said, "Let's talk about this a next time okay? For now, can you just accept that I do not hate you? That I never hated you?"

"You wouldn't even look at me," she responded, frowning up at him.

"Because I'm an idiot," he acknowledged ruefully.

Unexpectedly, Maya huffed at that, and raised a hand to wipe at her nose. "Zay," she murmured. It was not a thought meant for his ears, but Lucas decided to respond to it regardless, not wanting there to be any more misunderstandings between them.

"No one is making me do this Maya," he told her seriously. "I know that I didn't have to talk to you, that this is just one dance and we could go our separate ways like before, but I realise that I've hurt you, probably more than I've realised and I don't want that. So please, for now, can we just agree to discuss this further and go get our photographs taken?"

Maya looked up at him, and now Lucas could see a strange vulnerability in her gaze as her expressive blue eyes met his. It was her time to search now, he realised, and he let her, waiting patiently until she swallowed and twisted back to the front.

"I want to believe you," she admitted.

"But you can't," Lucas finished sadly. "It's okay Maya. It's nothing more than I deserve."

She sighed deeply at that, drumming her fingers against her thighs. "I'm not much of a slow dancer," she warned and Lucas let out a relieved breath at that.

He would take that for what it was, a tentative truce. He reached behind him for the crown and the tiara. His was the larger and gaudier of the two, and he doubted that it would last a minute on his head once the opening dance ended. He was just grateful that it didn't come with the scarlet pillow thing that he was pretty certain would be on the king's. Without a thought, he plopped it onto his head, the circle of 'gold' coming to rest around his forehead. Maya's tiara was much more detailed; it was a dainty, rhinestone covered number that would definitely sparkle beneath the lights. He couldn't wait to see how it looked on her.

He looked from it to her, and with a small smile, decided against simply handing it over to her. He stood up and moved to stand in front of her, forcing her to look up at him. She was still wary, but Lucas didn't let that bother him too much. Instead, he moved the tiara so that he was holding it in both hands. Her eyes widened slightly as he gently settled it down on her hair, pressing lightly down on the comb attachments to secure it.

"There you go Princess Penelope," he said, unable to resist teasing her a bit.

The faintest trace of annoyance crossed her face. "Don't call me that," she grumbled, and Lucas gave into the urge to chuckle before he offered her his hand. She looked from it to him before tentatively sliding her smaller hand into his. Lucas closed his calloused fingers around it and tugged her to her feet.

"Let's go," he bid, and she nodded.

She didn't try to free her hand from his grip, and so Lucas held it as they walked out of the room, absentmindedly rubbing the pad of his thumb across a knuckle as they did.


	23. Chapter 23

She supposed that it seemed a bit silly, but it was only now, as she stood just inside the school's gymnasium, that Riley realised just how many people attended their high school. It was an intimidating sight to see the room already abuzz with activity with so much time before the dance even begun, especially when she was by herself. Tentatively, she walked into the room fully, letting her eyes drift around as she searched for a place she could sit and wait. She hadn't wanted to be the loser teacher's child who shadowed her parent until her friends arrived, but, right about now, as it became painfully obvious that she was the only person on their own in the room at that point, she regretted not taking up her dad's offer to just stay with him until the others arrived. Or maybe she should have just risked being turned away and followed Lucas to where the court was supposed to gather. At least then she would have gotten to see Maya.

Riley sighed in aggravation at that last thought. It just wasn't fair; Maya had given up their tradition of getting ready together for the sake of a date. And, while she knew that she couldn't be too mad at her – her plans had sounded terribly romantic when she had first mentioned it – Riley knew that the sting of Maya's abandonment would have been a lot easier to bear if she had had plans of her own. However, in the end, the practicality of her relationship with Lucas had won out again. What was the point of him leaving school to go home and change to then meet her at her place only for them to come right back here? They could simply meet up at the school. It had sounded perfectly reasonable at the time and she had easily agreed. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, she had rationalised, she would have Maya and they could just come together. Except she hadn't found out about Maya's plans until after they had settled upon their arrangement and, not wanting to brave the subway on her own dressed up as she was, and also not wanting to bother Lucas about a last minute change to their plans, she had sucked it up and come with her father.

That in itself hadn't been too horrible, and Lucas had gotten there within ten minutes of her, holding a small pin-on corsage that his mother had helped him pick out. She had bounced excitedly as she took in the delicate purple flowers before allowing him to pin it to her dress. It had been a sweet gesture, one that still brought a smile to her lips as, unexpectedly given the amount of people there, she spied an empty table. She hurriedly claimed it. Yes, she knew the point of homecoming was to dance, but, if the middle school semi-formal had proven anything, it was feasible but not exactly advisable to try to stand and dance for at least three hours in heels. And, unlike Maya, she absolutely refused to just shuck them aside when discomfort took hold. Besides, it would be nice to have a little corner for them to just sit and talk every now and again.

As she guarded the table from others, Riley took a moment to look down and admire the corsage again. She was glad that Lucas had gone for her favourite colour because it matched well with her dress. She couldn't say the same for his outfit though, she acknowledged, wrinkling her nose slightly. She made a mental note that for the next dance they would definitely need to co-ordinate better. Dismissing the thought, Riley consulted the time. It was quarter to seven she noted with relief. Farkle had texted her earlier in the evening to tell her of his plans with Smackle. They would cut it a bit close, but he had assured her that he would definitely be there in time for the start of the dance in case Maya needed them. Riley still thought that he was being a bit silly about the whole thing - all of them were. While she had been just as shocked as the rest of them when both Maya and Lucas had been nominated, she had quickly warmed up to the idea. There was nothing to fear as Farkle had worried. It was Maya and Lucas for goodness sake, and even though they were still at odds with each other, she knew that neither would actively do anything that would cause embarrassment. With that reassuring thought in mind, Riley had put the entire thing out of her mind, and had tsked whenever Farkle groused about it or Maya got that pensive look on her face whenever she glanced in Lucas' direction. It served them right for being so stubborn in the first place.

She wasted a few minutes playing a quick game on her phone before she allowed her worry to start creeping up again. The gymnasium was considerably more full now, but despite the fact that she occasionally spotted one of her classmates, her sense of loneliness was increasing. At the very least Zay should have been there by now. But then again, she had no idea if he had a date and, if he did, if he too had had pre-dance plans. It seemed as if almost everyone did. A minute or so passed and she was just about ready to give into the urge to call Farkle and demand that he come keep her company immediately when, over the sound of music, she heard her name being called. She perked up instantly and stood, a wide grin forming on her face as she saw Farkle, with Smackle on his arm, making his way to her. That grin faded in an instant as he got close enough for her to really see him.

Farkle looked amazing.

There was no other way to put it. His black suit was obviously tailored for him, and that, combined with his sleek hairstyle, gave him an edge of sophistication that she couldn't help but notice and admire. It wasn't as if she had never perceived Farkle as being handsome before - she had told him that much once before - but to see him like this took it to a next level, and Riley had to admit that Smackle was quite the lucky girl.

"Wow Farkle, you look great," she complimented as soon as he was in speaking distance.

Farkle's eyes widened slightly, and she could see the way his cheeks flushed at the compliment. She chuckled at the reaction. Yeah, older and more handsome or not, she could still see signs of the same old Farkle who used to faint whenever she or Maya complimented him unexpectedly in their younger years.

"My beloved does indeed look great," Smackle responded as she nestled a bit closer to him and gave Riley a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

Riley took no offense. It was just Smackle being Smackle after all; she still had a lot to learn. "You look quite nice yourself," she told her. And she truly did. Smackle was wearing a black and pink dress with a matching bolero that Riley found absolutely adorable. Maybe they should consider asking her to go shopping with them something, Riley thought. She obviously had good taste.

"You look perfect Riley," Farkle said then, finally finding his voice.

It brought about a wave of bashfulness, and quickly, she averted her face to hide her reaction. A compliment from Farkle was far from a new thing for her, but there was a warm quality to his tone that she wasn't certain she had ever noticed before, but immediately knew that she liked and would love to hear again.

"Did you save us this table?" Smackle asked, her brusque tone snapping Riley back to reality as she tugged Farkle towards the other end of the table from where she stood. "Good job Bubbles."

"Thanks Smackle," Riley responded a bit woodenly as she sat.

"Have you spoken to Maya?"

"Not since school ended. But I still think you're worrying over nothing Farkle. They'll be fine."

"I hope so," he agreed, "but still...I wish we could have spoken to her before you know?"

"They'll be fine," she repeated dismissively. "One song and they can go back to their normal stubborn selves."

"It's more than just stubbornness Riley."

She made to respond, but then there was a short piercing sound of someone standing too close to a microphone. It caught their attention and they twisted towards the stage where the principal was standing, a cringe on her face as she moved a bit further away from the music system.

"It's starting," Smackle said unnecessarily as the woman tapped her finger against the mic a few times before starting to speak.

Riley supposed that it was freshman ignorance on their part, because, even as the woman spoke, welcoming them all to the dance and listing the rules for the evening, people started to move away from the room's centre, forming a sort of circle with a clearing in the middle.

"For the court's first dance," Farkle guessed, following her gaze.

"We won't see anything from here," she complained, frowning.

"Go then," Smackle said, straightening her glasses.

"What?" Farkle asked, looking at her.

"Honey-bucket we talked about this," she replied. "I do want to be here with you but all those people there," she said gesturing towards the crowd, "I want nothing to do with that. I am perfectly fine with staying right here."

"Then I'll stay with you."

"Go beloved," she said firmly. "I know you want to see what happens."

"Yes but-"

"Just go," Zay stated, from behind them, causing Farkle to jump slightly at his sudden appearance. "Evening all," he greeted, nodding his head in Riley's direction. "I'll only heard the tail-end of this, but I'm agreeing with Smackle. You two go ahead and I'll stay here and keep this pretty little gal's company."

"Don't flirt with me in front of Farkle!" Smackle demanded, pointing her finger up at him.

Zay grinned down at her. "No guarantees tonight sugar," he joked before claiming a chair for himself. "You two ought to hurry before you miss the entrance."

"Don't you want to see them?" Riley asked, even as she made to stand.

Zay shook his head. "That's going to go one of two ways," he said, before an edge of seriousness creeping into his tone, "and depending on how it goes, I really am better off being over here."

Riley wasn't too sure what he meant by that; neither was Farkle if the confused expression on his face meant anything. However, Riley chose to dismiss it. After all, there really was a time limit if the two of them were to somehow squeeze their way through that crowd to get an optimum viewing spot.

"Farkle?" she said questioningly as she stood beside him. The slender teenager looked at Smackle for a moment longer, undoubtedly gauging her comfort level, but, after she gave him a nod and a sort of shooing gesture with her hand, he relented and stood up. "We won't be too long," he told her.

"Later guys," Riley agreed, before they walked away.

*

Maya wasn't certain that she hadn't stepped into some sort of twilight zone the moment she had entered that classroom. After all, nothing that had happened since made any sense to her at all. Had that conversation with Lucas really happened? Had he really teased her a bit before putting that tiara on her head? Had she really been completely relaxed as they got into one pose after another so that Mr. Jackson could take pictures of them? And were they now standing just beyond the closed auditorium doors waiting for their cue to enter? Logic told her that that was the case, but she was having a lot of trouble believing and accepting it. Indeed, her mind was screaming at her to not buy into this in the least, that the universe was more than likely playing some sort of cruel, cruel game with her.

Because that was the only way any of this made sense. There was no other viable reason for why Lucas would go from ignoring her existing to holding her arm cradled to his side almost tenderly like this. Maybe he hadn't been truthful. Maybe he was being coerced into treating her like this because of the rest of the group. That seemed a lot more feasible than him just doing this of his own volition. Nothing had changed between them at all in the past few days. Nothing had happened to justify the conversation they had had, and, as she could hear the shriek of a microphone from within the room, Maya felt panic rising up within her.

What if this was her Carrie moment? What if Lucas had something rigged to humiliate her with? Her heart told her that that wasn't the case, that Lucas, even if he didn't like her, would never be so deliberately cruel, especially with their friends in the room. But the strangeness of the situation was enough for her mind to throw out the most unlikely of possibilities; she found herself being unable to fully dismiss them. She didn't realise it, but a distressed sound passed her lips, loud enough that it drew her companion's attention.

"Maya?"

She lifted her head, startled by the concern in Lucas' voice. She stared at him, trying her best to detect any sign of malice or insincerity in his expression. She didn't see any, but that didn't necessarily mean that there wasn't any hidden away. After all, he had fooled all but her for a nearly a year until Zay had showed up and dismantled his good boy image. What if she had lost the edge and could no longer read him as well as she could before? She panicked and tugged at her hand, wanting to be free of him. He let go of her, but seconds later, as she made to turn and flee, his hands reached out and grasped her bare upper arms gently. She jumped at the warmth they emitted - it seemed to spread outwards, a feeling he exacerbated by him starting to rub his hands up and down her arms.

She fought the feeling.

"Let me go," she requested, her tone cracking. "I can't do this."

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" he asked seriously, bending a bit closer toward her. "Are you nervous? There's nothing to worry about."

"Is this a game?" she blurted out. "Are you planning something?"

The concern in his eyes faded, replaced by a sudden sadness that she found even more disconcerting. She made to step back, but he tightened his grip slightly, urging her to stay in place. "Look at me Maya," he requested, his voice a lot lower now. Although reluctant, she did. "Have I ever lied to you before?" he asked.

It was a simple question, but one loaded with a lot of meaning. Almost without realising it, Maya shook her head. It was the truth; Lucas had never lied to her. He always spoke plainly with her, to the point where he had easily admitted that he didn't enjoy their bantering and teasing. No, if he had been so honest about that, there was no need for her to doubt him now.

"Then if you believe that," he replied, "believe in me now. This isn't a game to me Maya, and I have nothing at all planned beyond just dancing with you in the gymnasium. I swear."

"Promise?" Maya couldn't help but ask. Later she would wince at the almost childish lilt her voice would acquire as she said that, but for now all she wanted was the reassurance that this was actually happening and that he was sincere.

"I promise Maya," he said, and rubbed her arms again. "Nothing but a dance. I swear."

Maya's panic ebbed at that and she closed her eyes briefly, taking a shuddering breath to try and centre herself. Opening her eyes, she found him looking at her patiently. She nodded. "Okay."

A look of relief crossed his face before he slowly removed his hands from her arms and turned away from her, holding out his arm to her expectantly. She interlocked their arms again, noting how he pulled her a bit closer to him than before, and not caring about it. She was still feeling a bit shaky, probably because of her swift change in emotions, and so she would take whatever strength it was that he offered her.

From within the room, the muted sound of the principal's voice that she only now acknowledged drifted into silence. The doors opened a crack and the female gym teacher's head popped out. "Get ready now," she instructed, and Maya squared her shoulders. As the freshman court members, she and Lucas would lead the way into the auditorium, and she steeled herself for it.

"Let's go Princess Penelope," Lucas whispered to her as the processional music started and, a few seconds after, the doors opened.

Maya snorted at that, the tenseness that had reappeared as the doors parted and she saw just how many people had their eyes trained upon them fading at the ridiculous name. If he thought that she was going to let that nickname stick then he had a next thing coming to him, she groused, pointedly ignoring the fact that there was a small smile playing on her lips as he escorted her through the parted crowd to the centre of the gymnasium.

She spotted Riley and Farkle a few feet away from where she and Lucas stood as they waited for the rest of the court to join them. Riley bounced on her feet and waved excitedly to her, something that caused her to laugh as Farkle's hands darted out to stabilise the low chignon Topanga had pulled her hair back into. It would not last the night if Riley insisted on jerking around so much, she thought humorously, even as she noted that the girl's outfit really had pulled together beautifully, and that, standing beside her in his suit and dark red shirt, Farkle and her looked really good together. She was actually looking forward to taking pictures with them when this was over. She didn't have much time to see if she could spot Shane in the crowd because the king and queen arrived and took their place in centre of their arrangement. The crowd started to clap politely and Maya resisted the urge to roll her eyes at that - really this was just too much. The music began to change then, forestalling that, and Lucas released her arm in favour of moving to stand in front of her.

Nope, this would definitely not be middle school dancing, she realised a moment later when Lucas placed his hand on the middle of her back and urged her forward, closing the space between them. She was thankful now for the practice the glee club had given her because her hands moved automatically into position. There was that warmth back again she idly thought as he locked fingers with hers. She bit at her lip as she waited for him to make the first move. His fingers drummed against her back and, heeding the silent request, Maya lifted her head. Usually the top of it just about passed his chin, but her heels had given her an extra inch or so, and, with the distance between them basically non-existent at the moment, Lucas' green eyes were considerably closer to her than it had been in a long, long time. Not since Texas her mind supplied helpfully, and just like that starry night, Maya could feel her breath hitch at the way his eyes seemed to darken the longer she stared into them.

She didn't even realise that they were in motion at first, lost as she was in the intensity of his gaze, but then, suddenly those eyes were further away from her and she was twirling twice under his raised arm and oh, yes, they were dancing, had been dancing for some while if the rising intonation of the singer's voice was anything to go by. The song was definitely hitting its crescendo, and it wasn't until now that she realised just how much time had passed while she had been lost in the depth of his eyes. He pulled her back to him, and she was immediately enthralled once again. She couldn't understand how she felt no discomfort despite the intensity of the look he was giving her. If it had been Shane, she – or perhaps both of them – would have already been on the floor due to her tripping. But this was a different type of intensity, one that didn't worry or frighten her, but instead, oddly left her feeling safe and protected as Lucas guided her into a spin once again. She wondered briefly if her eyes were as expressive as his were in that moment; even now she could see peace and contentedly before he drew her to him entirely, leaving her with little choice but to press her cheek against his shoulder as he slowed their movement down.

*

"They look good together," Riley commented as she watched Lucas and Maya circle the cleared dance floor, somehow not colliding with the other dancers despite the fact that neither seemed to be paying particular attention to their movements.

"They do," Farkle agreed, and Riley chose not to comment as he snapped a picture of the dancing pair when they moved near to them. For someone who had been worried, Farkle seemed quite invested in saving snippets of the occasion for posterity. She would have done the same, except she knew that she could probably nag her father into securing a copy of the event from the AV team. "I wish I could pull of those colours," he added, a bit grudgingly.

Riley was a bit surprised by that. Lucas was wearing a cobalt blue suit with a dark gold shirt that, while blending together surprisingly well, hadn't really caught her fancy. It looked a lot better in her opinion when paired together with Maya's burgundy dress, but overall it wasn't something she cared to see him in again.

"I prefer you in this," she replied, gently running her fingers along his shirt collar. "It's a classic look."

"You do?" he asked, a bit surprised. "Oh…well…this isn't too bad then I suppose."

"This is great," she rebutted, gently, tugging at the shirt for a moment as she grinned at him.

She returned her focus to the dance floor, smiling when Lucas twirled Maya about. She really did look the part of a princess, she acknowledged happily, although she knew better than to utter those words in Maya's presence. She probably would not survive it. "I think we're out of the woods," she remarked.

"We are," Farkle agreed. "Other people are joining in now so it's going to be awkward if we just stand here. Do you want to go back?"

Riley looked around, seeing the truth in Farkle's words. People were indeed dancing, some right where they were standing, others working their way to spots with a few less people. She knew that they should probably go, but, at the same time, she wanted to be a part of what was happening around them now, while the atmosphere seemed so conducive.

"Riley?" Farkle repeated, moving a bit closer to her to avoid being knocked by a few people passing them. "Should we go or…?"

"What's or?" she asked, as she turned to face him completely, her head cocking to the side a bit. "Do you want to dance?"

"Do you?" he returned. "Smackle's agreed to six non-couple dances. If you want this can be the first?"

"Then this shall be the first," Riley agreed and held out her hand expectantly.

After a moment Farkle's palm curled around hers, and with a sharp yank, she pulled him to her. It wasn't a smooth start by any means. She was going off instinct purely, and that instinct had told her to just mimic what she had seen Maya doing. She could understand her friend's complaints about practice in the first initial seconds; she had no idea what to do with her feet, and was pretty certain the soft thing she stepped on was Farkle's poor toes. However, thankfully, after that first tumultuous moment, they settled into the right rhythm and Riley started to enjoy herself.

"I want four dances," she declared eventually.

"Four?" he repeated, surprised. "I usually bargain for a half half arrangement between you and Maya."

"But then Maya will declare zero, you'll say something sappy that'll convince us to issue you one each and then for some reason we end up dancing with you anyway multiple times," she replied, grinning at the memory of past dances. "I'm cutting off a few steps. And besides, I think I want four…if not five."

"This is a big change," Farkle acknowledged softly, his expression reflecting surprised pleasure at her words.

"It is," Riley agreed. "I'm not sure what's spurred it," she admitted, a bit of confusion entering her tone, "but I know this is what I want."

"Farkle doesn't mind," he declared and she huffed out a laugh, forgetting her confused feelings for now. "It's too bad," he lamented after a moment, causing her to focus her attention back on him.

"What is?"

"I should have made dance number one a full song, not the tail end of one," he explained, because indeed, the ending strains of the initial song was playing.

Riley made a decision in that moment as the music transitioned. Instead of releasing her hold on him completely, Riley instead brought her hands up so that she could lace them behind his neck, a position she had seen numerous times in movies to songs with a similar tempo to the one that had just begun. It took a few seconds for Farkle to react, but then she felt both his hands settle at her waist.

"You said dances Farkle, not songs," she said simply, relishing the way his brown eyes widened at her words before happiness settled in them.

He definitely was not the same boy she had grown up with anymore, she thought, even as, without realising it, she lent in a bit closer to him, but despite the changes time had brought, she could still see signs of that jolly, bright eyed science junky within him. Those elements were blending in nicely with the teenager he was now, and, she was very much looking forward to seeing the man he would eventually become.

*

"You did not have to stay with me Zay," Smackle said, her hands fiddling with the end of the tablecloth. "I meant what I said. I am fine on my own."

"I wanted to," he said simply in response, leaning back in his chair. "Besides, I meant what I said too. I didn't want to see what happened."

Smackle frowned as she looked at him. "You are not happy," she mused.

"How'd you guess?"

"Your tone is lower than normal and there is a crease right there," she explained, gesturing to his forehead. "These are signs of anger or annoyance. I am uncertain of which you are experiencing, but is my guess correct?"

"You're learning how to analyse emotions Smackle?" Zay asked, a hint of surprise in his tone.

"There is a lot to human interaction that I still do not understand," she responded, contorting her mouth a bit as she spoke, "and I still fail at judging people's wants, needs and reactions, especially in relation to me. I thought that if I could identify and learn the physical characteristics people display depending on the emotions they feel then I may best be a better judge of them. So Zay, am I right? Are you unhappy?"

"I am not happy about the situation," he confirmed, before making an amused sound as a look of satisfaction and accomplishment crossed Smackle's face. He wagered that if it were a regular school day she would already be scribbling in that small book of hers she used for making observations.

"I too hope that nothing happens," she revealed. "I have said nothing about it but I wish for this to end. We are different now and I do not like this difference."

"Why haven't you said anything?" he asked gently, resting his elbow on the table so that he could prop up his face comfortably. "I tore Lucas a new one last weekend for what he's been doing. Maybe more voices of reason would help."

Smackle didn't respond immediately, but Zay noted the way she started to fiddle with the tablecloth with a lot more aggression than before. "Smackle?"

"I did not know if it was my place to," she admitted.

"Not your place to?" he repeated, confused. "Why would you say that?"

She glanced at him briefly. "You raised the matter with Lucas did you not? Your best friend. Why did you choose to speak to him about it alone rather than with the entire group?"

Zay blinked, confused by her question. He thought about it for a few seconds before saying, "Because I knew that even if he got mad at me it wouldn't really matter because we would be fine."

"And what makes that different from a general group discussion?"

"Riley would have gotten upset about me talking to Lucas as roughly as I did," Zay responded slowly.

"And then Farkle would intervene causing increased friction," Smackle finished. "If I were to say something Riley would tell me that I was misjudging the situation because I didn't understand what was happening and then Farkle would feel conflict. Anything you would say would be drowned out and in the end my words, like yours would fix nothing."

"They do tend to close ranks," Zay agreed, thinking about it. "It was one of the first things I noticed when I got there. Riley was very possessive of Lucas, and Farkle went along with her. Maya was the only one who just…accepted that I was there, you know?"

"Because Maya is more accustomed to having changing circumstances," Smackle said flatly. "You and I have the least tenable positions in this group Zay, me more so than you."

"What?" he exclaimed. "Smackle, why would you think that?"

"Because Lucas is your best friend," she replied simply. "And a bond like that does not fade. It's what gave you an immediate invitation into the group. I was only fully welcomed after my relationship with Farkle solidified," she continued, her tone lowering as she spoke, "and were that to change I do not know what my position would be."

Zay stared at her for a moment, dumbfounded. "That would never happen Smackle," he told her, the surety in his tone causing her to look at him once more. "You're not just Farkle's girlfriend to me. I like you Smackle because of who you are. Maybe yeah, you being Farkle's girlfriend is what brought you in, but that's not what will keep you here. I would never allow that to happen. You're a great person Smackle, and let me tell you, I'm definitely not the only one who thinks that. Everyone in our group cares for you."

"Even with who I am?" she asked her tone uncertain.

"Farkle said you gave up your genius school to come to regular high school with us. Is that true?"

"My parents were not very happy about that," she acknowledged, "but Mr. Matthews' class showed me that there is more to school than learning facts and equations and I wanted to experience that."

"Did you have friends there Smackle? Not just classmates or lab partners. I mean actual friends?"

"I have spoken to no one since I left," she revealed, lowering her head. "I think now that people only interacted with me because of what I could do for them. There were never any conversations like we have now, just us talking about average things. It is why I tried to convince Farkle to transfer there because I saw what it was like and I wanted that. Even when we were arch nemesis I knew that he at least cared about me. In the end I left the school, and while I have had many good experiences thus far, I do not always feel like I belong, that people like me. I am trying to fix the things that cause it, but maybe I am not fixing them fast enough."

"You don't need to fix anything Smackle," Zay told her gently.

"But-"

"You don't need to fix anything," he repeated firmly, and, giving her enough time to see and decide if she was okay with what he was about to do, he covered one of her hands with his. "You are Isadora Smackle, and you are perfectly fine just as you are."

She looked from where his hand was over hers and then up to his face. "Then why do people react badly to me?"

"Because they just don't realise how awesome you are," Zay intoned, and, after a moment, a broad smile crossed Smackle's face.

"Farkle is still not back," she said abruptly, looking behind her.

Zay shook his head lightly at her change in topic but didn't comment on it. "Do you want him?" he inquired. "I can go find him if you want?"

"He and Riley are probably dancing," she mused, turning back to him. "It is fine. We agreed that he could have six dances without me."

Zay's brows lifted slightly at that. "Does it apply to you as well?" he couldn't help but ask.

"I do not think I would like dancing without Farkle," she responded. "He is the only one outside of my family that I feel complete comfort with."

"Well that's too bad," he replied with exaggerated sadness.

"Why?"

"Because I was going to ask if you wanted to put me down for a dance," he responded, smiling playfully at her.

"You are flirting with me again," she declared, and there was that finger again, a hairsbreadth from his face.

"Whatever you say sugar," he drawled, as he carefully batted it away. "How about I go real quick and get us some drinks huh? I'll be but a minute."

Smackle's lips remained pursed as he stood up. He had just finished pushing his chair back in when she spoke up. "There will be no romance in our dancing," she dictated, and Zay, startled, looked down at her. There was an opens to her expression that he had never seen before, at least directed at him, and the corner of his mouth quirked up at that.

"I'll let you pick the song," he offered graciously, before he walked away.

*

Other people were on the dance floor with them now, Maya noted vaguely as Lucas slowly turned them on the spot. She could feel a light weight settled on her head, and she realised he had probably found a spot he could rest his chin without getting jabbed by her tiara. Unbidden, her eyes drifted close and she just left Lucas to it, allowing him to guide them as he pleased while she just lived in the moment. There was that distinct cologne scent that she hadn't experienced in quite some time, and while it seemed as if he had splashed on just a bit too much of it, she couldn't bring herself to care. Eventually, she forced her eyes back open although she made no move to pull away. She was too comfortable to want to do that, despite the earlier panic she had felt.

Nothing mattered now except the current moment, and she was going to relish it. In due course she spotted a familiar dress, and it was enough to cause her to pull back slightly for a better look. It was indeed Farkle and Riley together on the dance floor. They were a few feet away but were in a similar enough position to them. Riley was tall enough that she could comfortably rest her chin on Farkle's shoulder, and her head was bent enough that it rested comfortably against Farkle's. Her eyes were half-closed, but Maya could definitely see the dreamy sort of countenance she sported. When their collective movements allowed it, she saw that Farkle had the most contented look she had seen on his face in a long while, and, were she not entirely too comfortable herself, she would have arched a brow at that. Instead, she decided that this was just another thing to bookmark for further analysis at a later time and, sighing serenely, she chose to just return her cheek to its former position.

The music eventually transitioned again, still sappily romantic, but a bit faster paced that it made maintaining their current position unfeasible. Lucas reclaimed one of her hands with his, but she didn't pull back from him too much, just enough so she could look at him again.

"I thought you weren't much of a slow dancer?" he asked, his tone husky despite its teasing edge.

"I'm not," she replied softly.

"Then I think your concept of good needs a bit of work."

"Oh, and what about you?" she returned. "I'm mighty surprised you know anything beyond square dancing and the hokey pokey."

"You left out the two step," he retorted. "But if you must know, my mama wanted to make sure that her boys grew up properly cultured.

"Awww," she cooed. "Was little Lukey the only boy in ballet?"

"That would be Zay," he responded with amusement. "I did have to endure two years of violin before mama accepted that the only thing I'd probably ever play properly was the harmonica though."

"Because the Texan blood is way too strong in ye," she replied, using an exaggerated Texan accent that had his shoulders shaking with mirth.

"And there she is," Lucas remarked, and while there was nothing but fondness in his tone, to Maya, it was as if a bucket of water had been tossed on her.

She froze, her eyes widening as reality came crashing back down onto her. Her hands dropped away from him, although his remained for a few moments more before he too released her. "I'm sorry," she apologised quickly, a feeling of dread creeping up on her.

"For what?" Lucas asked, confused.

"I teased you," she responded, almost sorrowfully.

"And?"

"You don't like that. I'm sorry."

Lucas' confusion only seemed to deepen, something that had her frowning slightly as well. Did he not truly not understand, or was this mild level of teasing acceptable? She had no idea what the parameters between them were anymore and it was an ignorance that bothered her tremendously.

"Maya," he said gently, "I'm not at all sure what you mean."

"I-" She wasn't sure how to explain, wasn't sure if she wanted to explain. To try in any real way would definitely open up a can of words she did not want to explore, especially not right now. The contented peace she had been swimming in for however long they had been dancing together for had faded entirely, and suddenly she was starkly aware of the fact that things had changed between her and Lucas, even if she had allowed herself to forget it for a bit. However, reality always found a way to reinsert itself when least expected or wanted, and right about now, that was definitely the case. She sighed, a deeply regretful sound as she looked up at him helplessly, unable and unwilling to speak further.

Lucas looked at her contemplatively for a moment before speaking. "Is this one of the things that we need to discuss but should leave for a better time?"

Only if that better time was never, Maya thought, even as she nodded.

"Okay," he said easily. "We will add that to the list."

"We have a list?" she asked.

"I think we do," he responded with a hint of wryness. "However, for now, how about I turn you over to your date? He's been watching us a while now and I suppose I really have monopolised enough of your time."

He was peering over her head now, and, turning to follow his gaze, she saw that Shane was indeed in that general direction, two punch cups in his hands and an expression on his face that she couldn't discern easily from this distance.

"I should," she agreed, grateful for the reprieve he offered even as she felt a reluctance to leave Lucas' side start to emerge.

"Riley will want pictures," Lucas reminded her. "Although she's a bit preoccupied with Farkle at the moment," he finished, gesturing towards where Farkle and Riley were still dancing together blissfully unaware of the rest of the world.

"I'll come in a bit," she promised. "Shane wanted to introduce me to his friends and I suppose I owe him a dance or two now."

"Go one then," he bid, "I'll go see if I can find Zay."

"Okay," she agreed, wondering if this was it, that, once they walked away from each other they would not talk again despite his words. She was startled to realise just how much that thought bothered her.

"Go princess," he said again, the corner of his mouth quirking up, and forgetting her thoughts and her previous dread briefly, she scowled at him for one long moment before turning and heading towards Shane, the sound of his laughter following her.


	24. Chapter 24

Maya turned her head as she felt a gentle touch on her arm. She smiled easily at her date before reaching up to tuck an errant strand of his silky dark hair back into place. Shane had left her for a minute or so in order to dispose of their empty cups; she had offered to go with him, but apparently disposing of their garbage was part of his duty as her date? Well that was his rationale at the very least, and, realising that it really wasn't something worth debating, she had let the matter go and had amused herself with people watching until his return.

"What do you want to do?" she asked. "Dance?"

"I rather our first dance not be to club music," he replied.

"This isn't our first dance," she couldn't help but point out with a small grin.

He laughed at her response. "It is for today, and I want it to be a special one."

She made an embarrassed sound at the warm edge to his tone. "Well, what do you want to do then?" she repeated gruffly.

"What about some introductions?" he offered. "My friends are curious about you and maybe yours are about me?"

"Yeah, we can do that," she replied, ignoring his question, because truthfully, she wasn't quite sure about that. Riley definitely was, and probably Farkle as well, but she really couldn't speak for the rest of them. "Riley wants pictures," she continued, "so yes, we can go hang out with your friends and mines until the music changes to what you like."

"Awesome," he agreed. "Let's go to your friends first."

"Okay."

"Should I be nervous?" Shane asked shortly thereafter as they finally located and then neared her friends, seated together at one of the circular tables.

"I don't think so," she replied honestly, even as she felt a bit of anxiety worm its way through her when her eyes landed on Lucas, laughing at something Zay was telling him. Her mind couldn't help but throw up the last time she had done this, been with a guy in the presence of the group. And then it hadn't even a stranger; Josh of all people had created such a level of discord. Maybe she was better off waiting for another time? When she could introduce him to Riley and Farkle alone? Except that wasn't really an option anymore seeing that Riley had spotted them if the way her face lit up was anything to go by, and yup, there was the brunette already up and heading toward her.

"Maya!" she shouted gleefully over the music, and chuckling, Maya opened her arms for the hug she knew was coming. After all, this was a big night for them and they had yet to see each other since the dance had begun.

"Hey honey," she said. "Let's not knock me off my feet now, huh?"

"I missed up," Riley pouted as she pulled back. "I haven't seen you in over four hours."

"Such a travesty," she mock-gasped, pulling her to her side. "Anyway, Riley, let me introduce you to someone okay? This is-"

"Maya's boy!" she interrupted, grinning broadly.

"His name is Shane," Maya pointed out wryly.

"Maya's boy."

"I'm okay with that actually," Shane said, a bit bashfully.

"Don't encourage her," she said with a sigh. But it was too late. Riley's expression had brightened even further and she stepped away from her so that she could stare at Shane intently, trying to get a feel of him. Shane stepped back from her intense gaze, briefly glancing at her as if seeking assistance. Maya gave him none, because, as she expected, after a few more seconds, Riley's cheerful expression returned.

"I like you," she declared, "but remember, I am Maya's best friend which means that I a number one. Got that?"

"I got that," he confirmed.

"Good!"

"Can we introduce him to everyone else now honey?" Maya inquired.

"Sure," she agreed before worming herself in between the two of them. "Everyone, this is Maya's boy. Maya's boy, this is everyone."

Playing alone, everyone at differing speeds waved and greeted him. "Nice to meet you again Crawford," Lucas said, and, despite the easy-going expression on his face, there definitely was a hardness to his eyes and a sort of forced politeness in his tone.

"Likewise," Shane responded.

"You do not like each other," Smackle said unexpectedly, drawing all their attention to her. Beside her, Farkle groaned while Riley snapped, "Smackle!"

"What?" she asked, recoiling. "Did I say something inappropriate again? Farkle?"

Her boyfriend rubbed at his temple for a moment, undoubtedly trying to find the best way to resolve the awkward situation. After all, if the way Zay was shaking his head was anything to go by, she hadn't been the only one to see the slight tension between Shane and Lucas. She didn't entirely understand what was Lucas' problem with Shane though. At least she knew that her date was wary about Lucas because of his recent actions. She wasn't entirely aware of why the reverse was the case.

"Don't tell people how they feel," Farkle finally said, drawing her back from her thoughts, "especially if their feelings are negative okay?"

"But Zay did not mind," she protested, before looking at him, her tone uncertain. "Zay? Did I offend you before?"

"You didn't sugar," he responded immediately, offering her a bright smile that immediately seemed to relax her. "And it's not always a bad thing you know," he coached, gently contradicting what Farkle had said. "Sometimes people don't even know what they're feeling and telling them helps them to understand."

"Is Smackle -" Shane started to ask as Riley moved to sit by Farkle and join in on the lecture.

"Extraordinary? Yes she is quite extraordinary," she finished for him, giving Smackle a fond look. Just like Farkle, she was a little bird that needed protection, even if she didn't quite understand her sometimes. And so, seeing an air of sadness start to settle on her as Riley and Farkle started to debate the best way to teach her about this particular aspect of social interaction she said, "Yo, I thought we were supposed to be taking pictures," which, as she hoped, brought a swift end to that discussion. Smackle shot her a grateful look and she crinkled her nose in response before turning to Shane. "These are my weirdos."

"They certainly are."

Eventually, when even Riley's enthusiasm for pictures started to wane, and the deejay seemed just about done with the fast paced music, she said, "We're popping out now guys," while returning her phone to Shane's pocket for safe-keeping.

"Aww," Riley protested. "But why?"

"Because this one apparently likes Jonas Brothers," she said a bit teasingly as Shane started to tap his foot in rhythm to the song.

"You are as bad as Liam I swear," he grumbled. "This is a beautiful song."

"A romantic song," Riley added, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"It is," Maya returned, "so why don't you go get your romantic on?"

"Oh yeah," she responded, as if the thought hadn't occurred to her. She turned to where Lucas was still messing around on his phone, undoubtedly about to bug him to dance.

Maya didn't wait to see how the conversation shaped up. Instead, she grasped Shane's hand and pulled him away.

*

A long while later, Maya had to resist the urge to release a haggard sigh. She hated to admit it, but she was bored. She couldn't quite put her finger on why, but she just couldn't seem to fit in with Shane's friends or sustain her interest in what they were talking about. It wasn't as if they weren't good people; they had seemed interesting enough when he had first introduced them. There was Jeff, Shane's best friend ever since the first day of kindergarten, Micah, an elementary school addition, Stacy and Kira who had come along in middle school, and finally, Jessie, who had fallen in with them come high school. They had tried to integrate her into their conversation at first, but there were too many inside jokes, too much foreknowledge of the topics that made it quite difficult for her to follow along. More than that, she just wasn't that interested in what they were talking about, and the longer they spoke, the less inclined she was to even try to pretend.

Shane didn't even realise when she snuck her phone out of his pocket, and she was quite grateful for that fact. As she searched for an activity, she briefly found herself wondering if Lucas, Zay or Smackle had had any such feelings when they had first started spending time with them, or if it truly was a case of her not knowing how to interact with people outside of her established group of friends. But then again, she corrected, responding to a message from Josh, she and Liam had hit it off from their very first interaction, so she seriously doubted that it was a case of her not having good social skills. Near her, Shane laughed again at something, and, not for the first time Maya plastered what she hoped to be a believable smile on her face just in case any of them looked toward her.

After trying and failing yet again to follow along, she finally accepted defeat and decided to just extricate herself. She nearly whopped in relief when she opened her messenger and saw Zay online and active. Not even questing that, she quickly typed, "I am bored out of my skull. Rescue a gal? I'm to the left of the stage." It took only a few seconds for him to send her a thumbs up in return. She schooled her expression so that she could at least pretend to be surprised when Zay got to her, hopefully with a believable excuse.

She was in the midst of a fake laugh when he arrived. "There are you!" he said loudly, capturing everyone's attention. "I've been looking for you all over."

"Hey," she returned. "Need me?"

"Yup," he answered. "We've been working out a schedule for the next few dances and I figured I'd see if you were interested in it."

"Of course I am," she told him brightly, not even caring if he was making this up on the spot. "I'm surprised Farkle didn't ask me earlier."

"Smackle's given him six free dances," he responded. "But I think he's gone and forgotten how to count because he and Riley are probably at twelve by now. Anyway, you having too much fun here or can I bring you back for a while?"

"Err, well," she hedged for believability, glancing toward Shane as if she cared about his feelings in the matter.

"We've been here for a while," he said gallantly, "so yeah, we can go back if you want."

"Oh no," she responded quickly. "I wouldn't want to interrupt the fun you guys are having. How about we just meet back up. Maybe in half an hour?"

"Yeah, that's good," he agreed. "I'll bring you a next drink when I come."

"Thank you," she said, before excusing herself. "Oh thank god," she groaned once they were out of earshot, leaning against Zay as they walked. "I was this close to going crazy. Thanks Zay."

"You're welcome," he returned easily, pulling out a chair for her once they got back to the table. "I wasn't doing anything."

"Why is that?" she inquired. "Not that I'm complaining, but Facebook during homecoming?"

"I was trying not to be a third wheel," he told her in a joking tone.

Maya frowned at that, seeing through his attempt. It wasn't until now that she realised that he really was the only one from their group without a date for the night. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's not your fault every girl I asked turned me down."

"All those girls need to raise their standards," she said firmly.

"Shouldn't that be the other way around?"

Maya didn't chuckle. She had long since realised that Zay often used humour as a defence mechanism. But, it wasn't as if he didn't have experience being rejected by girls, so why was this different? Especially since it wasn't as if he was in want of an actual relationship. He had…oh.

"Were you talking to Vanessa before?" she probed, gently testing her theory.

It seemed though that she wasn't the only one who was perceptive if the rueful expression on his face was anything to go by. "Is this the point where I admit that Vanessa dumped me?"

"I'm so sorry," she said instantly. She reached out and tugged his chair closer to her. "When did it happen?"

"A while ago," he admitted.

"And you didn't say something?" she said, confused. "Does Lucas know?

"You're the first I've told," he revealed. "With everything going on with the group already I didn't want to add to it, you know?"

"Bull," Maya declared, frowning as she looked at him. "We do not hide things like this from each other Zay. If there something's wrong, we want to know about it, okay? How else can we help?"

Zay huffed at that, but his eyes reflected gratitude when he met her gaze. "You know that it goes both ways right?" he told her after a moment. "I'm not the only one keeping secrets."

Maya swallowed at the knowing tone in his voice. "I thought everyone forgot about that," she said quietly.

"It got lost in all the hullabaloo between you and Lucas, but I realised recently that even before this you still never told us what happened that day."

"I didn't," she confirmed. "It was one of those things I thought would just go away, you know?"

"Sweeping things under the rug rarely helps," he pointed out, before chuckling when she arched a brow at him. "I know, I know," he allowed, "and I'm not asking you to tell me Maya, especially not now of all times, but if you want to, whenever you're ready to, remember that we'll listen. I'll listen."

"I really can't just pretend this never happened?"

"I don't think so," he told her. "Maya, you walked away from us, from Riley. After all that time you let Lucas go without a single reason."

"It was the right thing to do," she said simply. "He likes Riley; he doesn't like me."

"If that were true then this triangle would have never started in the first place."

Maya was silent for a moment, letting herself dwell upon his words before she shook her head. She let out her breath noisily before she looked at him again. "It doesn't matter anymore Zay. Riley and Lucas are a couple, and Shane and I are…something."

"You're something with a guy who you needed to be saved from?"

"That was just because his friends are boring," she retorted, "not because…" She sighed, and rested her head against the back of the chair for a moment. "Shane's a good guy Zay, a sweet guy. Look at all he's done for me so far. Besides…he promised to make me his priority."

"Which is something Lucas failed to do," Zay rightly deduced.

"His priority should have always been Riley, and now that it is everything is as it should be. I made my choice Zay, and I stand by it."

"Even though you still have feelings for Lucas?" he said bluntly, and those unexpected words momentarily left Maya breathless. She stared at him, dumbfounded and uncertain of what she could string together as a response. She didn't have to think too deeply to know that Zay was right; she still felt something for Lucas. Their dance had made that abundantly clear, but there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.

"Forget it," Zay said after a moment. "Like I said earlier, this isn't the right time for any of this."

He stood abruptly, and tugged her to her feet. "What-" she began as Zay started to lead them in a dance.

"Riley and Lucas were coming," he explained. "Figured you wouldn't want them to see you like this. I'm sorry Maya. I wasn't trying to upset you."

"You didn't," she reassured him, briefly looking over his shoulder to confirm that they had indeed claimed the seats they had just vacated. "And next time something's wrong with you make sure to speak up. I would have come with you tonight if I'd known."

"I had planned to ask," he said, "but that boy of yours beat me to it."

"Ask anyway," she responded. "Friends always take priority."

*

Riley hummed as she absentmindedly surveyed the room. It was her turn to guard the table, but truthfully, she would have volunteered for the task regardless of Smackle (shockingly) taking Zay out to the dance floor. She was tired now, and perhaps not just physically, so sitting here like this was perfect for her. Despite that, as always, she felt a rush of happiness as Maya emerged from a group of dancers, and came to her. Without watching, Riley grabbed and flipped a chair around so that Maya could join her.

"Hey Peaches," Riley greeted, immediately cuddling close. "Done dancing?"

"I think I am," she answered. "I was watching Shane and Dylan for a while. They've performed to some of the songs at their aunt's studio. It was a pretty good show."

"But you're here now?"

"Yeah well there's only so much dancing that a girl can stand to watch," she joked, nudging her. "Besides, I saw Lucas talking to Sarah and Darby and figured that you probably were alone over here, and we can't have that now can we."

"Thank you," she answered, resting her head on a shoulder. "Tonight's been different."

"How so?" Maya asked.

"I can't explain it...it just is."

Maya didn't answer immediately, but Riley was too comfortable to check on her. Besides, she had a fairly good idea of what was going through her friend's mind. Maya had probably already picked up on her contemplative mood and was attempting to decipher the cause of it. "I saw you earlier," Riley said then, deciding to give her a bit of a reprieve on the matter. "You were dancing with a group of people. I was passing with Farkle, but I don't think you saw me."

"I didn't," Maya agreed. "And those people were a combo of glee and art."

"I figured," Riley acknowledged. "You know a lot of people now Maya."

"Are you upset with me?" Maya asked then, tentatively.

"No," Riley said immediately, straightening. "It's just…you have a lot of friends now."

"I wouldn't exactly class them as friends," she answered. "They're people I'm in clubs with. You guys are my friends."

"No," Riley rebutted, feeling a bit frustrated with herself. She could see that she was starting to worry Maya, if the reassuring edge to her tone was anything to go by, and that truly hadn't been her intention. "It's just that...what I'm trying to say Maya is that in the last few weeks you've expanded you know? You've met new people? You do new things."

"Oh...Riley, do you feel lonely?" Maya inquired suddenly. "I know I'm spending less time with you than before, but is it too much less time?"

Riley shrugged at that, unwilling to respond either way. Tonight had reinforced it for her that Maya truly had a life independent of her, and she wasn't sure how much she liked that. Take tonight even. This was the first time for the entire dance that she and Maya were alone like this. Maya had had to divide her time to fulfil her obligations, and to a certain extent all of their friends had had to. Farkle and Smackle had gone off with a bit to talk with some buddies from their Honours classes and at one point, Lucas and Zay had briefly been drawn into a discussion about baseball with their teammates that she didn't care to be apart of. She hadn't had anyone else in that regard, and now that she realised it, it bothered her.

"I feel like everyone's changing," she admitted slowly, wringing her hands together. She chuckled then at the irony of her words, recalling that it had been Maya who had been so upset when she had gone about changing the bay window, wary of change. And now, months later, she was the one who was lamenting at the changes time had brought, mostly because it seemed as if she was exactly the same as she watched everyone develop around her. "I'm not sure I'm matching up anymore."

"Honey, this isn't a competition."

"Yeah because I'm nowhere in the race," Riley interjected. "Everyone's having a grand old time, and here I am sitting in the corner."

"Riley, what's causing this?" Maya asked, concerned, and Riley was forced to turn her head toward her when Maya gripped her chin. "What do I not know?"

"I don't know Maya," Riley admitted with a sigh. "Forget about it, okay?" she bid. "You're here with me now, so how about we have some fun?"

"We don't have much time left," Maya pointed out, thankfully going along with her attempt to change the conversation. "There's just about fifteen minutes left before the dance ends."

"That sucks," Riley said, despondent.

"How about I sleepover Sunday?" Maya offered. "I know we already have that taco thing planned for next weekend, but we can do Sunday into Monday this weekend?"

"Uncle Shawn's here isn't he?" Riley pointed out. "Don't you want to spend time with him."

"He finished his assignment early to be here," she explained, "so I think he'll be here for a little while. Besides, knowing Matthews he already has a million and one activities planned for the two of them. I'll sleepover."

'Yay!" Riley cheered with honest enthusiasm, before preening when Maya patted her cheek fondly.

"Did someone say tacos?"

Riley snorted as she looked up to see her father standing in front of them. Of course heard that magical T word from where-ever he had been in the gymnasium.

"We're talking about the event for next week. I sent you the link Matthews."

"Oh...I thought you had tacos now," the man said with a bit of pout. "A waste of time the both of you are."

"Whatever Matthews."

Riley didn't engage in their banter however. Instead, she looked at her father contemplatively for a moment.

"Honey?" her father said, meeting her gaze. "Everything okay."

"Let's dance daddy," she declared, standing up. It was a spur of the moment decision, but it felt like the right one. After all, wasn't that something they had done in the last few dances? Suddenly Riley wanted to do that, to have her father for herself for a little bit before she traded off to Maya and then the three of them ended the dance as one. Because, after all, her dad was as important to Maya as he was to her.

"Really?" he asked, a look of disbelief on his face. "Weren't you the same one complaining about having to come here with your old man?"

"I wasn't complaining," she grumbled as she moved to his side and took his arm. She glanced at Maya and found that she was scrutinising her. "Well?" she said expectantly.

"There goes our budding reputation," Maya sighed.

Both father and daughter rolled their eyes at the mournful tone she affected as she stood up as the emotions in her eyes contradicted her words. They all knew she enjoyed doing this just as much as they did. Riley felt her contented smile falter briefly when she realised that soon this would not be necessary, that Maya would have a father of her own and wouldn't have to 'share' hers anymore. It was just one more thing changing. Riley rested her head against her father's shoulder at the thought, and made a pleased sound when she felt him kiss the top of her head.

*

"Everything okay Riley?" Lucas asked. "You're kind of quiet."

"Sorry," she replied immediately. "I suppose I'm tired."

"Oh…maybe I should have just let your dad bring you home then."

"No, it's okay Lucas. I wanted to walk with you."

It had been a bit surprising to her when Lucas had made the offer at the end of the dance. She had been prepared to just wait somewhere quietly until her father wrapped up the last of his work obligations. Instead, Lucas had come to her, already wearing his outdoor clothes with her coat and her dad's subway pass since he had rightfully assumed that she wouldn't have thought to walk with hers. It was a nice gesture, and definitely had done a good job at lifting her mood right back up to where it belonged, but, somewhere along the lines of them walking slowly towards her apartment building, she had drifted back into her thoughts.

"I had a good time tonight," she said, glancing at him. "Did you?"

"I did. I think I'm looking forward to the other dances now. They're certainly a big step up from the middle school ones."

"I wonder how long before we stop comparing things to middle school?" Riley mused aloud.

"Probably whenever we fully feel at home there."

"You think that's going to happen soon?"

"You don't think it hasn't? Things don't seem nearly as scary now as when high school started…at least to me. What about you?"

She chuckled at that, recalling the disaster that had been their first few days. Yes, she acknowledged, in comparison to then, things had improved. "It's scary in a different way," she admitted. "There are some things I just never thought would change, you know?"

"Like?" he asked curiously.

Riley shrugged, not feeling the need to elaborate. After all she had barely put it into comprehensible terms for Maya; she doubted she could manage the same with Lucas. So, just like she had done with her best friend, she changed the topic. "I think you and Maya winning was a good thing. It's forced you to fix things."

"Things aren't fixed yet," he told her, and she noticed a bit of strain in his voice as he said that. "I've got a lot of thinking to do, and we need to talk…talk about a lot of things."

"But then you'll be okay?" Riley inquired, her tone a bit pensive.

"I hope so."

"Good," she said, relieved. "Maybe then things can go back to normal."

"What do you mean?"

Riley stopped at the bottom of the steps leading into the apartment building. She shrugged. "I just mean that if you and Maya are okay…maybe she'll be around more."

A look of guilt took over Lucas' expression. "It really is my fault," he said softly, and Riley wondered if she was actually supposed to have heard the words, because, a moment later, he took a quick, short breath, before refocussing on her. "We're all a bit busier these days, but yeah, maybe she will be."

They didn't speak again until they arrived outside Riley's apartment door. "Thank you for walking me," she said.

"Anytime," he returned. "We should share pictures tomorrow. I want them all."

"Definitely," she agreed.

"Well," he said then, consulting the time, "I should get going. I told my parents I'd be back by twelve."

"Okay," she agreed easily. "I guess I'll see you Monday then?"

"Sure thing Riley," he answered.

They hugged, and Riley smiled when he patted her back before pulling back. "Call me tomorrow?"

"Sure," he promised, before walking away.

*

Her mother was being slightly ridiculous tonight, Riley thought as she padded towards her bedroom. She paused at Auggie's door to ensure that he was fully covered before she entered her own room. Not everyone needed to stick to convention you know? What did it matter if she and Lucas hadn't kissed? That the thought hadn't even occurred to her, and probably to him? There was more to a relationship than kissing and stuff right? There was no need for her to be concerned about it. Grabbing a baby wipe, Riley sat in front of her small mirror and started to scrub her face clean. Now that felt a lot better, she acknowledged as she tossed the dirty wipe into the trash. She glanced down at her dress, and decided that maybe she could wear it for just a bit longer. She stood and moved to her full-length mirror, twisting to and fro as she remembered the fun she had had while wearing it. For the most part, it really had been a great night.

She paused for a moment though, and stared at her reflection in confusion. Something was missing she realised, but it took her several seconds to realise exactly what. "Oh no," she gasped, as she touched the spot where the corsage Lucas had given her should have been. It had been so beautiful too. Riley pouted, but quickly accepted the fact that the tiny bunch of flowers was probably lost for good; she had gone to too many places for there to be any real chance of finding it again. She could only hope that she had managed to get a few pictures with it before it had gotten lost. Accepting the situation, Riley switched her dress for a robe and searched out for a hanger to put it on. Passing her dresser, she paused as her eyes caught a hint of red in her peripheral vision.

Farkle's rose.

She reached out and gently fingered a petal. It really had to be a high quality rose, she acknowledged, because, a week later, only two petals showed any real signs of aging. Dropping the hanger in her hand to the floor, Riley cradled the flower carefully before bending to get a whiff of its fragrance. It was definitely more muted than before, but was still enough to fill Riley with a feeling of tenderness. She stared at the flower for one more long moment before returning to her original task, while wondering if too much time had passed for her to attempt to preserve it.

*

Despite her protests against the fact, Shane (with Dylan and Emily in tow) had insisted on bringing her directly back to her apartment. It was wholly unnecessary, something she had pointed out to them numerous times, but, she was starting to realise that maybe her mother's attitude towards her was the exception to the rule. Everyone who was not Riley seemed to react badly to the idea of her being out late at night by herself, a completely ridiculous notion in her opinion. She knew exactly the parts of New York she should or should not be in, and frankly, eleven thirty was still quite early by her standards. After all, if the Matthews believed that she had gone straight home all those times she had left their apartment at night, then they were sorely mistaken. However, none of them had been willing to relent, and so, grudgingly, she had held her peace.

After all that though, she had expected Dylan and Emily to escort her directly to her door with Shane, but the couple had settled for sitting at the bottom of the flight of stairs and waved to them to head up.

"I'm sorry," she said, as a thought struck her as they reached her floor. "We didn't really spend that much time together did we?"

"It's fine," he responded easily. "I had you before and after. Besides, according to my brothers, this is what dances are about, having fun with everyone, both your friends and your dates. I got to meet your friends who you care very much about Maya. And since they are important to you, I want them to be important to me."

Maya hoped that one day she would understand just what it was about Shane's and those eloquent words of his that keep getting to her as if, because right about now, she was feeling quite special.

"We're here," she said, a bit distractedly as they stopped in front of her door.

"I can see that," he replied with gentle amusement.

"What?" she asked, crinkling her brows.

"Nothing," he said before raising a defensive hand when she scowled. "It's just that...you really aren't used to this are you?"

"Used to what?"

"Being number one," he elaborated softly. "It's sad."

Maya's mouth twisted a bit at that. She didn't quite like where this conversation was going. "I'm my own number one," she responded, but even to herself, she could hear the uncertainty there. No, she wasn't her own first priority, or at least, she hadn't been for a long while. That position had belonged to Riley, and it was only now that she was actively trying to make strides towards changing that.

"Well I want you to be mine," Shane reiterated, and moved, closing the space between them.

Maya's eyes widened slightly when he reached out to take both her hands in his. This time there was no doubt as to what it was he wanted. The situation was perfect. It was the end of their first school dance, and the both of them were here alone in the corridor to her apartment. That probably was exactly why Dylan and Emily hadn't come up with them. They had wanted to give them a bit of privacy for this. Shane wanted to kiss her, that much was evident in the way his eyes were slowly drifting close and vaguely, Maya supposed, she wanted to be kissed. After all, who didn't want the full dance experience, and this definitely came with the territory.

Following her instinct, Maya closed her eyes as well, and leaned forward, preparing for the first brush of lips against hers. Would it be as magically as everyone seemed to claim? It seemed though that this would not be the time for her to get an answer to that question, because, instead of a gentle caress, she found herself pulling back with a yelp as her nose collided with something. And, if the way Shane was holding his own nose was any indication, that was exactly what she had hit.

"Oh god, I am so sorry," Shane gasped out, his voice a bit muffled behind the hand he was using to rub at his own nose with. "I should have looked. Are you okay?"

Of course the kiss wouldn't work out, she thought, not bothering to answer him. She was too busy trying to ensure that none of her tears slipped free. Why would it? Since when was the universe that kind? She was just about to answer him when the apartment door opened behind her, her mother watching them with a mildly worried expression. She had probably heard her yelp. It didn't take much for her to figure out the situation. Her eyes were still watering, and Shane hadn't let go of his nose. That coupled with his words, and yeah, it was pretty obvious exactly what they had just failed to do. The edge of her mother's mouth quirked up, and, without a word, she closed the door again. After a few seconds they heard laughter coming from both her and Shawn, and Maya rolled her eyes. Yup, whatever moment had existed between Shane and her was now definitely gone.

Shane looked embarrassed. "I should go," he muttered, gesturing towards the stairs. "They'll be wondering what's keeping me."

"Okay," she agreed, not quite knowing what she could say to him. It wasn't as if she particularly wanted to try that again right now. But still, he looked so disappointed that she couldn't help but want to do something. And so, she reached up and pecked his cheek lightly, feeling victorious when he smiled a bit. "I'll see you next week Shane."

"Okay Maya, goodnight."


	25. Chapter 25

It was strange. She could sit for hours on end sketching, making drafts, or adding intricate details to whatever painting she was working on, and yet, she could barely sit still for five minutes to do the first of the many equations she had due next week for class. After the third attempt, Maya let out a haggard sigh and dropped her pencil. She needed help - Farkle's help - and the easiest way to get that would be to wait until this afternoon when he would be at Topanga's with the rest of the gang. However, she hadn't set foot in that place since that dreadful night with Lucas, and while thus far she had been able to temper the feelings of loneliness that arose whenever she thought of all of them there together without her while she worked on strengthening her bonds with Liam and Shane among others, right about now, it was clear that she needed Farkle, needed them, and not just for help.

Maya still didn't know if Matthews had blatantly or otherwise let the idea slip to Riley, but, halfway through seventh grade they had started to work on homework and assignments together. It had been a gradual shift. First Farkle would climb through Riley's window and help the brunette wrangle her into compliance (even if that compliance meant her just copying Riley's work) but soon enough Lucas joined in, and eventually the rest of them. And so, by the time high school had started, it became routine for them to work on homework together, and even when they had started branching out into clubs, Maya now realised that at least one person ensured that they were with her. She wasn't sure if that was a deliberate arrangement on their part, but she appreciated and sorely missed it now. And, while she knew she could easily just text or call Farkle and he would help her through the block she was facing, she knew that, at this point, it was more than that.

She missed them and the crazy antics they inevitably got themselves into. The conversations about everything and nothing and the glasses of juice during the warmer days and hot chocolate in the cooler ones alongside pastries and sandwiches and the fond amusement on her mom or Topanga's face as they watched over them. It wasn't until now that she allowed herself to accept that that was what the slight pang she felt anytime she passed them all together in the corridor while she walked with Shane or Emily was, and she wasn't sure she wanted to continue to feel that way.

The only solution to that would be to talk to Lucas, just as he wanted, and see if somehow they could come to an agreement. She was wary of that though...wary of him, and the things he had said to her the night before. What did he truly want from her? Did he want to reconcile, or did he just want one final conversation to put the matter to rest? After all, while he had made his wishes abundantly clear that night, there had been no definite closure. Instead she had just gone out of her way to stay away from him, and he had been frostily polite whenever he was forced to acknowledge her presence. Right about now she wasn't even certain what option it was that she wanted. She bit at her lip, forcing herself to think objectively. Now wasn't the time to worry about how any final conversation between the two of them would affect the rest of the group. This was her and Lucas' issue, and she knew that if anything were to be resolved, at the end of the day, the choices would have to be based on what the two of them wanted. At this point she had no idea what it was that Lucas expected to gain from their conversation, and so she focussed on herself and her desires.

Except, her mind whispered to her, what would happen if the outcome of their conversation was terrible? She had felt this uncertainty before, right as she handed over that stupid red envelope to be mailed. And now she was right back here, with the promise of an interaction that would definitely shake things up for her once more, and, she wasn't sure if she was ready for it. Sighing, she glanced at her bed, staring at the tiara perched on her pillow. Yes, as stupid as it probably sounded, she had slept it beside her. It had been the last thing she had seen falling asleep, and the first thing her eyes had settled upon that morning. She couldn't help but feel like there had been some meaning behind the Texan native's actions. He could have just handed her the crown to put on, and yet he had settled it carefully on her head. His expression in that moment had been...fond at the very least? Or, at least, she amended, he certainly had not been mad at her at that time. But could she trust in what her eyes had told her? She didn't know, and that uncertainty was tearing at her. She ran a hand over her face tiredly, before lifting her head slightly as, distantly, she heard her mother let out a loud peal of laughter intermixed with Shawn's deeper tone.

Despite herself, she smiled, shoving aside her jumble of thoughts to relish the moment that was happening outside of her bedroom. Her mother was home. Shawn was home. Legal technicalities aside, she had a family a little distance away revelling in some undoubtedly ridiculous bit of merriment. That was something she had wanted for so long, had secretly desired while watching the antics of Matthews and Topanga over the course of the last few years. And now she had it right out there.

"So why am I in here worrying about that stupid cowboy?" she grumbled, as she bent over to snap her textbook shut and gather her papers together.

She didn't have any solutions for what to do about Lucas - just more problems and conflicted emotions - but she did know what she had right at this moment, two adults who loved her a few feet away. Their feelings for her were assured. Her mother loved her, as did Shawn. She had nothing to fear from them, and so, for now, she would forget about the shamble that her social life was threatening to become, and instead, getting up she left the room to join in the merriment.

It would be a long while before she realised that her phone had lit up with a message just as she had been about to leave, but when she did, the silly smile on her face would fade away.

*

"Riley, how are you?"

Riley looked up from the magazine she was reading, a look of startled pleasure taking root on her face as Farkle climbed through her window and sat.

"What do you mean, Farkle?" she responded, setting aside the magazine. There was that slight double crease on Farkle's forehead. One crease meant that he was thinking deeply; two showed that he was worried, and, if the emotions flickering in his eyes were anything to go by, that worry was currently directed toward her. She sighed and reached up to rub at the back of her neck. "What did Maya tell you?"

"Maya didn't tell me anything," he replied. "And she didn't need to. I saw how you were at the end of the dance. Something was bothering you. I came to help."

"How could you even know? Lucas didn't notice."

"I know you," Farkle said simply, and there was really no way for her to contradict that fact.

"I was just being silly," she replied dismissively.

"Tell me."

Riley stared at him for a moment, considering if she should try to just divert him like she had done with Maya and Lucas the night before, but there was something in his gaze that stopped her from doing so. Farkle was concerned, genuinely and deeply concerned, and she knew that he wouldn't allow her to distract him. She was better off just coming clean, and so, she did. "Remember when Maya said she didn't know what her place was in the group was anymore? When she got in trouble?"

"I don't think I'll ever forget that," Farkle admitted, shuddering at the memory.

"I think I'm there now," Riley responded, looking away. "I feel like everyone is way ahead of me and I'll never catch up?"

"What do you mean?" Farkle asked, confused. "We're all right here Riley."

"Not in the same way," she said with a sigh. "I think high school's cursed us...cursed me. Look at how much things have changed. I used to be a straight A student. I used to be Maya's world, the most important person to her. I'm none of those things anymore."

"But we worked it out Riley," Farkle pointed out. "You're on track to get an A in Spanish by the time exams come around. As for the rest...when did you stop being Maya's number one?"

"At the lodge," Riley said plainly, "when she decided to walk away from me."

"But you fixed that," Farkle reminded her, a sense of urgency entering his tone. "You guys worked it out. Unless something else happened that I don't know about?"

"No, nothing's happened," she hurried to reassure him. "But that doesn't change the fact that something is happening. We're drifting apart Farkle. Maya's got this whole new life now, a life separate from me, and it's hard okay? She's leaving me behind, and I can't even be that upset about it because it's my fault she went to them in the first place."

"Riley-" Farkle breathed out.

"She's spending more and more time with those new friends of hers every day. I hardly had her at all last night. We're not Riley and Maya anymore Farkle, and I'm not sure I like that. There's never been a Riley without Maya."

"Riley stop being a dumb dumb," Farkle said suddenly, sternly, and, eyes widened, Riley stared at him.

"Farkle-"

"Listen to me Riley," Farkle said, speaking over her. "There will always be a Riley and Maya because there is too much history between the two of you for it to be otherwise. Even if something happened to get rid of the rest of us, the two of you would find a way to make it work. You guys love each other and there is nothing that will get in the way of that okay? And so what if you don't spend as much time together?. Riley, we're growing up, and things have and will keep changing. What happens when high school ends? What happens if you and Maya can't go to the same college? What if she doesn't want to do college?"

"I don't want to think about that," Riley protested.

"Fine," Farkle allowed. "Let's pretend that the two of you go to college together, what happens after? You're going to work together forever? Live together forever? Riley, what I'm trying to say is that things will change but you don't have to despair over that fact. Just a look at our parents shows that. They're different, and yet still friends. So yeah, Maya and you aren't together as much now. Maya has new friends, but did she stay with them, or did she come back to you?"

"Last night? She came to me in the end."

"And before?"

"Back to me."

"Exactly Riley," Farkle said, gentling his tone. "She will always come back to you, and you'll do the same. It doesn't matter what's in between, you guys will be fine."

"How can you be so sure of that?"

"I'm a genius remember," he said with a grin, and Riley chuckled ruefully at that.

"I'm being silly, aren't I?"

"Just a bit," he allowed. "But I get it. All of this is still new. But you said before that you feel as if you're left behind. It doesn't have to be that way, you know. Maybe you can find a hobby?"

"We've already established that I am painfully ordinary and have no talent Farkle."

He laughed at that. "Well then join a new club or two of your own, meet new people, make new friends. Half of this is probably because without Maya you have too much free time on your hands."

"I suppose," she admitted, mulling on the truth of his words. "I do have the time for a next club."

"Then join one," he suggested. "I'm sure if you asked Maya she'd even help you choose."

"She would," Riley agreed, perking up a bit. "I'll think about what you've said Farkle, but...thank you. I see things a lot more clearly now."

"Good," he replied simply, and reached out to cluck her gently under the chin. "I'll always take care of my woman."

Riley chuckled in amusement at that, briefly drawn back to an image of seventh grade Farkle. Looking back she couldn't understand how she could be so indifferent towards the boy, but she was more than glad that her current self was a lot wiser and could see Farkle for the treasure that he truly was. He was still Canada, but more and more she could see the true value in him, and she would not let him be ignored.

"Stay for lunch?" she requested, a smile tugging at her lips even as she knew before he even voiced it, that he would say yes.

*

She wasn't sure if there was actually a nip in the air, of if this was just her own emotions affecting how she was perceiving things. Because right about now, she was just about ready to shove her hand into her pockets in search of a bit of warmth. Lucas was already there waiting for her, seated at one of the shabby cafe tables in the subway. She had never been with him here before, and perhaps it was why she had settled upon here of all places. At least here would not be ruined for her as a place if things truly went south.

Lucas didn't notice her at first. He seemed lost in his thoughts as he propped up his chin on one of his hands, two cups in front of him. She studied his face, but there wasn't much she could decipher from it. That bothered her; usually she always had an idea of what was going on in that head of his. She swallowed, and for a moment, seriously considered making a run for it. A next train would be there within the minute; she could be in it before he even noticed her. But no, she decided, reminding herself of her thoughts from that morning. She needed for this to be done. And so, squaring her shoulders, and grateful for the small boost in confidence her heeled boots gave her, she strutted to where he was.

He looked up as she neared him, undoubtedly drawn by the clack of her boots. "Maya," he said instantly, rising. He moved to pull out the chair across from him for her, and she sank into it. Okay, she thought. Her actual name plus a gentlemanly act; he certainly could not be mad at her.

"Hey," she said softly by way of greeting. "That for me?"

"Yeah," he confirmed, pushing the cup to her side of the table before reclaiming his seat. "Thanks for coming. I know Mr. Hunter is home for the weekend so I won't keep you too long."

"It's fine," she said, curling her hands around the cup. "They decided to go on a date tonight, so there's no rush."

"Oh."

They were silent for a moment, and, to break the awkwardness of it, Maya took a sip of the beverage, noting that it was her favourite. She glanced over the rim of the cup, and was surprised to find him observing her curiously. She ducked her head down, and held the cup a bit closer to her chest defensively.

"You still can't look at me," Lucas said suddenly, a definite edge of sadness to his tone. "Even after last night you still can't."

Maya glanced up at him at that before shrugging. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're doing it now, Maya," Lucas pointed out. "You can't even look at me."

Maya didn't know how to respond to that, and so she stayed silent. He was right; she couldn't look at him because she was afraid. Gone were the days when she watched Lucas' face and saw amusement, concern, or exasperation at whatever it was she was doing to him. Now she feared that perusing his face would only reveal his level of disdain towards her.

"Let me tell you a story okay?" Lucas said then gently, cajolingly. She nodded before she even fully registered the action. It took him a moment to begin, and when he did, he let out a long sigh first. "I don't know if you've ever regretted doing something Maya, but I definitely have. It took me a while to realise it, but I caused my family so much pain when I got expelled from school. I had thought what I did was justified, and Zay would agree because what I did saved him but the school administrators didn't, and so did my parents. That was the first time I had ever felt like I had failed them Maya, and even though I really hadn't cared about school too much back then, it still hurt to be kicked out.

"My parents didn't know what to do with me. Home school? Online school? Nowhere else in the city would take me and I think they were just about ready to take up Pappy Joe's advise to just let me work on the farm permanently when my dad got the job offer to relocate here. It gave me a chance to start over, and we all jumped at that. And by then I really wanted that chance Maya. I love helping out on the farm, but I couldn't really see myself doing that for the rest of my life. Plus I wanted to make it up to my parents, to show them that I really was sorry for the pain I caused. I think they realised that, because once we got to New York they took me off restriction and I swore they wouldn't regret the trust they put in me.

"And then on my first day I met you guys. Riley believed in the me I hoped to be. Farkle was the weird little genius who was suspicious of me but still was willing to give me a chance. And then there was you. You were the hardest to figure out Maya, because I felt like you saw right through me in a way that no one else could and that made me…curious. I wasn't sure if I should risk being around you, but I decided that there was no way that Riley and Farkle would truly be friends with anyone as rough and tumble as you seemed to be so I decided to give you a chance, hoping that I wasn't making a mistake by hanging around someone who could distract me from who I wanted to be."

"You make me sound like a hoodlum," Maya could help but grumble, but there wasn't any real heat in her voice. She had to admit she was more than a little interested in what Lucas was saying to take any real offence.

"None of you look me in the eyes," Lucas quoted, and, the corner of Maya's mouth quirked in acknowledgement of that. "Anyway Maya, I decided eventually that you were okay, more than okay, and I was glad that I'd given you the chance. I liked the way we interacted, the stuff we did together, the conversations we had, and, when I found out you liked me too, I was far from disappointed. But then things started changing Maya. You started being reckless in a way I've never seen before, and more than that, you started to rebuff any attempts I made to help you. It was only after the fact that I found out what was going on between you and Riley, and that explained so much, and I thought, okay, she was just dealing with stuff. That's what was causing it and everything would normalise. And it sort of did, until you exploded on me twice.

"That first time I understand; you weren't ready to talk and we had sort of forced that conversation on you, but that second time at Riley's house? There was no reasoning behind that Maya. You were just there acting so aggressively towards me, and I found my patience slipping, my temper rising, and that scared me Maya. I hadn't felt like that in so long, and it was like with every word you said to me I could feel that barrier I'd built up crack more and more. I didn't know what would happen if it broke, and I chose to cut you off instead of risking that. I didn't know if I could rein it back in if I let it out, didn't want to hurt you or to let Riley see that side of me. But what I ended up doing was way worse than that. I ended up hurting you anyway, and it's only in the last few days I've realised that.

"Maya, you don't know how much it hurts me to realise that I'm the one who caused you so much pain. That I ruined things so badly that you can't even look me in the eyes now. Maya, I was being so selfish that I let my feelings colour my perspective of you. I was stupid enough to think that you didn't care about me any longer, that you had moved on. I didn't realise the damage I was causing. Maya, I am so so sorry, and you have every right to say that you never want to speak to me again, and I'd deserve it because I was so self-centred that I didn't consider what I was doing to you."

"You broke your promise," Maya said softly, voice barely above a whisper as she finally set the cup she had been holding tightly down. She looked up at him, knowing and accepting that her eyes were probably wide and vulnerable. "You promised that nothing would change. You promised that we would stick together. You know how I feel Lucas," she continued, "hope is for suckers. But you guys made me believe in that promise, you made me believe in that, and you walked away from me two times."

"Maya-"

"No, it's my turn now," she interrupted. "I excused the first time. I think we all just got off on the wrong foot that first day of school, and I knew that Riley was being stupid with the whole hole thing. I just wasn't ready back then to call her out on it because that wasn't my role. My role was to do whatever it was that Riley wanted, even if it tore our friend group apart. So I forgave that even though it hurt so much. But you did it again Lucas. You left me. You wouldn't look at me. You wouldn't acknowledge me, and you're right, that hurt, hurt so much, and you're really telling me that you didn't think I would be affected by what you said?"

"I was stupid," he said simply, not trying to defend himself. "I didn't consider the past. I only considered what was happening in that moment. But you're right Maya," he continued, his voice morose, "I did leave you. And I don't know what I can say or do that would fix that."

"I thought you hated me," she said then, and even to her own ears, her tone sounded pitiful. "I was wrong," she admitted. "I shouldn't have pushed you like that, but I didn't think you would leave. I thought you could take it. But then again," she added with a self-depreciating laugh, "Matthews did say that I go too far. I suppose I did that night...it wasn't' what I was trying to do though."

"What were you trying to do then?"

"I-" she broke off, wondering exactly how honest she should be here. How was she supposed to say that she started to argue worse with him to cut off his questioning about the letter? That, oblivious though Riley could be at times, even she would find it strange that her boyfriend was so worked up about her being on a date with someone else. "I-"

"I brought up the letter," Lucas said then when she continued to falter. "Is that why?"

"Partly," she acknowledged. "Things were too weird that night," she said tiredly. "Me and Josh going out. You and Riley being upset about it."

"I will never not be upset about that," Lucas said plainly, "although I see you're dating Crawford now so that's at least better."

"I'm not dating anyone," she rebutted, resisting the urge to rub at her forehead. "It's too soon. Everything is just too soon."

"Too soon from what?"

She shot him a pointed look before rocking back in her chair. "Look Lucas," she said, "we all knew that it had to end this way okay? Whether or not I had written that stupid letter, we would have had to solve things. There was no way we could keep going around in that triangle. Polyamory's a thing but that's definitely not how it works," she finished, acknowledging wryly that she really was picking up things from Liam if that was the way she phrased it. "Riley was finally ready to talk things through so the time had come. I just pre-empted the decision making."

"Because of what I told you."

"What?" she said, shocked.

"Sarah and Darby told me last night," he explained, folding his arms on the table. "They were the driving force behind why we won, and I wanted to find out why. Imagine my confusion when they told me it was to right a wrong, and when I still didn't understand they told me the truth. Maya, is what I said to you really the reason all of this started? Did you misunderstand what I was trying to say?"

"I heard you loud and clear," she said gruffly. "And I really do not want to talk about this," she added, as she leaned back, ready to push out her chair and stand. But then, in a flash Lucas' hand was there around her wrist. She hadn't even realised he had moved so that he was now leaning across the table.

"Please don't," he said simply, and almost without realising it, she nodded and resumed her former position. It was only then that he too reclined in his chair, a look of relief crossing his face at her easy acceptance for his request.

"Tell me," he tried again.

Maya knew her expression was pensive, but then after a moment, she accepted that yes this was going to happen, and so, she half-mumbled, "You don't like me."

"Maya, what did I say exactly?" he pressed. "You said something about me liking you because we banter. What did I say? I know you remember."

"No, it's not Maya. I don't think that it is," she mumbled, giving into the urge to wring her hands.

"Exactly Maya. That's not what I like about you."

"I got it the first time," she muttered.

Lucas sighed. "Maya, I do not like you because we banter. I like you teasing me and I like teasing you back, but when it comes down to it, that is not what I like about you, or rather, it's not the only thing I like. That is what I meant Maya. If I had to write a list of things I like about you, us bantering would be near the bottom. There are far too many other things I rather associate with us than mere teasing."

Maya stared at him, dumbfounded as she scrambled to make sense of his words. That was what he had meant? Was that the truth or was he trying to spare her feelings? No, he had to be telling the truth, because looking at him now, she saw the same expression in his eyes as he had that day back in middle school when he had complimented her art and wished to see her progress. Lucas meant it, and since he truly did, that meant only one thing. In that moment, Maya felt as if someone had stuck a knife in her gut and started twisting it. She had misunderstood him, had taken what was meant to be a compliment as a sign of rejection, and rather than give him the chance to announce his decision, she had made a pre-emptive strike, one that she was starting to believe had not been necessary. She let out a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob and buried her face in her hands as she tried to take deep, shaky breaths.

"Maya?" Lucas said, concerned. She shook her head furiously, not needing to look to know that he was probably reaching out to touch her. No, that was the absolute last thing she needed right about now. Pulling in one last, shuddering breath, she pulled her hands away and squared her shoulders. She looked up at him, and tried to school her expression into one of calm indifference, but knew from the very start that she failed if the expression on his face was anything to go by.

"This changes nothing," she said, striving for firmness, because regardless of what his words implied, it truly didn't.

"It changes everything if what I said is what led you to write that letter," Lucas said, his tone conflicted.

She shook her head roughly. "No Huckleberry, it doesn't. Nothing changes."

"But Maya you wrote-"

"I know what I wrote," she snapped, and if it wasn't for the fact that it would draw unwanted attention towards them, she would have stood and started pacing about. Instead, deciding for one moment to lower her guard, she asked, "Your question, do you want the answer for it?"

"I do," he said simply.

"I choose me so you didn't have to," she paraphrased."I knew who you had chosen the minute I saw you when me and Riley came back from upstate. And just like then, I am telling you that it doesn't matter."

"Maya," he began.

"It. Does. Not. Matter," she declared. "You're a good friend Lucas, a great friend, and trust me when I say that anyone would be lucky to have you. That is exactly why Riley deserves you." She paused at that, an edge of uncertainty lacing her tone as her mind flashed an image of Riley and Farkle together the night before on the dance floor. She firmly pushed that thought aside because what she thought did not matter in the face of the fact that Riley wanted was Lucas. "I would never take anything from Riley, and what she wants and what she has is you. This was the only way this could have ended anyway," she continued, her tone slowing as a dawning realisation occurred to her. "Remember New Years, when you said that you didn't want this to be the end of us? This is what had to happen to prevent that from happening. It's the only outcome Riley could accept, because she isn't used to losing, especially not at this. But I am which is why nothing's changed."

"Maya please," Lucas said, reaching out to take her hands into his. She pulled them away, cradling them to her chest, nearly knocking over the forgotten about cup in the process.

"Please don't touch me," she requested.

"Maya you deserve more than this," he said sadly.

"I am getting more," she said, a sad smile playing at her lips as she looked up at him. "I told Farkle that that was the last time, and this doesn't change that. It's why I surrendered leadership of the Riley Committee to him, why I'm doing my own thing now."

"But-"

"But nothing," she said. "I have so much now Lucas. I have Josh, and I have Shane. I know that doesn't make you very happy, but that doesn't matter. You need to stop being jealous Lucas. I understand it now, but you need to let that go."

"But what about what I want?"

"You want Riley," she said simply. "You said it yourself Lucas. I pushed you away by what I did, and you chose to let that push lead you to Riley. That was what started this triangle in the first place. You couldn't decide between us, so hasn't one of us backing away solved that?"

Lucas looked at her without response.

"Go to Riley, Lucas," she said, "and be the best boyfriend to her that you can be. Tell her you love her. Girls like that."

"I love her?" he half-squeaked.

"Just say it," she bid. "I will be okay, and you and Riley will be happy."

"Maya are you sure?" he said uncertainly.

"I am."

"Then where does that leave us?" he asked. "Friends?"

"Maybe?" she said honestly, bringing them back to the original matter at hand."I think we can both agree that we hurt each a lot recently."

"We can," he confirmed.

"I was trying to keep you where you belonged, and you were trying to save yourself from reverting, which, by the way I don't think is such a bad thing."

"How can you say that?"

"Look, I don't know what you did Lucas, and frankly, I'm not interested in it. But your past isn't just something you can shove away you know? It's a part of you, and it's helped to bring you to where you are now. I know that you have an anger problem, and let's be honest, I have daddy issues a mile long that's probably never going to fully go away, but at least your thing is fixable. Don't try to shove yourself into some candy-cutter mould Lucas. I know Riley reacted badly back then and that that probably scared you, but who you are now is not what you were then, so you don't need to pretend to be anything you don't want to be."

"But what if that I what I want?"

"Is it really what you want? To be Riley's knight in shining armour?" she pressed. "Because I remember a boy who wanted to have some fun in Mayaville."

Lucas huffed a laugh at that. "Maybe I need to work on Lucas Town."

"Huckleberry Lane," she corrected, and they both chuckled at that. "Anyway," she continued, bringing them back to his original question. "I don't know what we are Lucas. I know what I like. I like talking to you like this right now. I liked being with you last night, but the latter can't happen again, and as for us talking..." she paused, and took a moment to figure out her thoughts. "It's different Lucas. Even with all we've talked about...it's different."

"Because I left," he deduced.

"You broke your promise," she confirmed. "I know that I had a part to play in it Lucas, I don't deny it, but, it hurt. It hurt so bad Lucas," she admitted, her mind flashing back to the near hour she had spent in the bathroom with cold water cascading over her. "I don't know if I can go through that again."

"And you don't trust me to not hurt you again," he said sadly. "I sort of figured that in the way you acted with me at the meeting Wednesday and then again last night. You put your trust into me and I broke that. So now I have to get it back."

"I'm sorry," she offered.

"Will you give me a chance to though?" he asked gently. "A chance to make things right between us? So we can be...friends again?"

She took a second to contemplate it, before she decided that yes, this is really what she wanted, to try and have Lucas in her life again in some capacity. "Okay," she agreed. "We can try again."

He smiled, and after a second, rose out of his seat. He looked down at her for a second before offering her his hand. "Permission?"

"Granted," she replied as she took the offered hand and allowed him to pull her up into a hug. She sank into it, feeling the soothing caress of his hand as he rubbed it up and down her back. "To a new start," he murmured as they parted, and looking up at him Maya nodded, while hoping that the choice she had just made was truly for the best.


	26. Chapter 26

"Did you know we have a gender studies club?" Riley asked as they entered the school.

"We do?" she returned, surprised.

"I read the description for it Saturday night. It sounds pretty interesting."

"Oh." Maya wasn't sure what she could say beyond that, and so she settled for watching Riley as she went about her daily task of examining the notice board. Riley had a habit of rambling about miscellaneous things, and so, little titbits of information like what she had just shared was not particularly new for her. She also knew that Riley had some interest in feminism, sparked by Mr. Norton's experiment, and she had occasionally been forced to endure Riley's lectures on whatever it was she had read up on about the subject. Was this an extension of that? "Are you interested in the club?" she inquired.

"Maybe," she said, a bit uncertain, as she finished her perusal and turned back to her. "It could be fun."

"It could," Maya agreed, although her tone was a bit doubtful. But then again, she could never quite bring herself to be interested in stuff like that in a profound way, so who was she to judge?

"I mean," Riley continued, as they started walking again. "I would have people I could talk to about these things with. I may learn a lot."

"You could."

"So, you think I should do it?"

"If you want to."

"Would you mind?"

"Why would I mind?" she answered, confused. "Riles if you wanna join gender studies, go ahead. You never know, the schedule might coincide with one my club days and we could leave school together."

"I didn't think of that! That'd be great," Riley said, and Maya frowned at the level of relief in her tone. Why did Riley think she would make a big deal about it?

She decided against asking, and instead said, "Since you're just adding a club I doubt you'd need to talk to the guidance counsellor."

"You had to?"

Maya nodded. "Twice. Once when I had my schedule changed and then again when I decided to pick up two clubs simultaneously. She had to make sure that I had my head on straight."

"You never told me about that."

"Wasn't something I wanted to broadcast," she joked. She was making light of the matter, but truthfully, that had been quite the uncomfortable time for her. She supposed she understood the logic behind why she had had to speak to the woman, but she hadn't enjoyed having to open up to a stranger about what had been going on. Thankfully though she hadn't said anything that had thrown up any red flags, and so she hadn't had to go back since.

"I'll ask daddy who's in charge of the club then."

They reached the top of the stairs and saw that Lucas was already there. "Lucas!" Riley said happily and, releasing Maya's hand, hurried to where he was. "I'm joining a club."

"Oh? Which one?"

Maya chose to go to her locker first to arrange her things, mostly to give them a minute alone to do the whole couple's reunion after a two long days apart thing. Dawdling for as much time as she could before growing bored, Maya finally shut the door before turning, observing the pair for a moment. Lucas sported a mildly amused expression as he watched Riley gesticulate wildly as she talked to him. It was a good thing she had finally gotten control of those limbs, Maya thought as she walked over, books tucked under her arm and a pen stuck behind her ear, or else Lucas would have already gotten a hand in the face. He looked towards her as she neared them, and smiled crookedly, a gesture that Maya returned.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hey," she answered. "How are you?"

"Better now that I've recovered from my bout of idiotitis."

"Oh yeah?" she said, chuckling. "I think I may have had a touch of that myself. Pretty glad to be over it."

"Me too."

"Are you finally admitting that you were being stupid?" Riley asked brightly.

"We were not," Maya snorted.

"We were a bit Maya," Lucas said..

"You can call yourself stupid if you want to Sundance, but I am a genius."

"Yah both dumb-dumbs," Riley said pertly. "But you're mine so I suppose I can keep ya."

"I'll show you dumb," Maya mock-growled at that. She reached across Lucas to pinch her, grinning when Riley shrieked and squirmed away.

"No pinches!"

"Lots of pinches."

"Hey leave me out of this," Lucas chuckled from between them as Maya made a next grab for Riley, not even caring as her books tumbled to the ground. This was fun, Maya vaguely thought as Riley started to bat at her fingers, still shrieking whenever Maya managed to land a pinch, playful though they were. It had been far too long since the two of them had been silly like this, just rough-housing and making idle threats. "Okay that's enough," Lucas laughed, gently grasping Maya's nearest shoulder and pulling her back with one hand while with his other he grasped Riley's.

"You're safe for now Matthews," Maya growled playfully, "but I will have my revenge."

"Lucas will protect me," she declared, sticking her tongue out.

"Cowboy's not always going to be around," she warned, and lunged at her again, only to have Lucas pull her back once more.

"What is with you two this morning?" Lucas asked, amused. "Ate too much candy during your sleepover?"

"There is no such thing as too much candy."

"You probably have a thousand cavities."

"I brush and floss twice a day Maya, so that's not going to happen."

"Says you."

"Okay," Lucas said, squeezing on her shoulder gently to catch her attention. "How about we act our ages, hmm? You're giving people quite a show."

Maya glanced in the direction he was looking at, and flushed when she saw that yeah, there were indeed passersby watching them, one girl actually laughing. Maya scowled at her, and she hurried away much to her satisfaction. She still had it. "What?" she asked defensively when Lucas arched a brow at her.

"Not a thing."

"I'm so happy everything's okay now," Riley said brightly, as she dusted imaginary lint off her tee-shirt. "The fun times never have to leave us again."

"They never went very far," Maya told her gently.

"I know, but-"

"Maya?"

Maya's head swivelled, and she smiled as she saw Shane standing at the bottom of the stairs. Lucas' hand fell away from her as he caught sight of him as well.

"Maya's boy!" Riley chirped.

"Maya's girl," Shane returned jovially, and Maya chuckled at the happy squeal she let out at that. She had been right in her summation - if Riley really did want to get to know the people she was hanging out with better, she was best off starting with Shane.

"Excuse me," she told Lucas softly, and after taking a second to get her books back in order, she went over to him.

"Hey you," she greeted, wrapping her free hand around his neck and pulling him into a hug.

"Morning," he returned, squeezing her lightly for a moment. "You look nice today."

"You too," she commented, tugging at the collar of his shirt. "Spiffy."

"My mom's thing," he explained a bit bashfully. "Start off the week looking your best."

"Does that mean I'll see you in pjs Friday?" she joked.

"Only if we're not hanging out," he returned gruffly and Maya felt her face flush. "You're adorable," he said softly, and Maya thumped at his chest once in embarrassment.

"How was the rest of your weekend? Sorry I couldn't really talk to you."

"It's fine," he said easily, slinging his arm around her. "I'm glad you were having so much fun with Riley. I spent Saturday at the dance studio like always, gamed with Dylan for a while on Sunday and taught Katelyn a bit of wrestling."

"I'm sure she schooled you," Maya teased.

"I won one round," he muttered, before tapping at the bracelet she had put back on that morning. "Hard to believe that the little miss who helped me make this could take me down, huh?"

"Not so hard to believe. I could take you," she said, smirking at him.

"Yeah right," he scoffed.

Maya's smirk widened slightly, but she didn't dissuade him of his silly notion.

"You and Frair okay now?" he asked, looking over her head to where Lucas and Riley were talking with the rest of their group. She hadn't even noticed their arrival.

"We are," she confirmed. "We're going to try to be friends."

"Again," he added.

Maya's lips twitched at that, but she didn't correct him. She had been right in her choice of words. She didn't think that there ever been a time when she and Lucas had ever been just friends, but it was the only option left for them now, and she would do her best to make that work.

*

"What is with you?" Maya demanded as Liam skipped, yes actually skipped, towards the sink to clean his hands.

Mr. Jackson was introducing them to charcoal drawings in the art club that week, but, had decided that the two of them were competent enough that he could teach them the rudimentary elements of it beforehand so that they could assist him as needed. He had them focusing on perfecting their lines right about now, but, she supposed that Liam had been introduced to this art form before because he quickly grew bored of the meticulous lines they were supposed to be doing and had moved on to shading and highlighting. Glancing at the abstract he had produced, Maya couldn't help but be impressed. Liam was a goofball, and often, she wanted to strangle him, but his art was the one thing he was serious about, and even his most rushed doodles looked great. She could only hope that in a year or so, with Mr. Jackson's help, she could reach his level, although she would bite her tongue before she admitted that to him. Liam didn't need that ego of his inflated any further.

"Just how good was your homecoming?" she asked when he returned. "You can't stop smiling and you changed the highlights in your hair."

"Teal to match Alex's colour scheme," he replied with a bit of grin. "Lighten your hand here," he said, and she blinked, surprised how swiftly he went from joking to serious. She followed his direction, allowing him to take and guide her hand as it should go. "There see? Much cleaner."

"Thanks."

"Just doing my job," he quipped, and there was that grinning countenance once again. "Are you wearing make-up?" he asked then, and if she hadn't been so distracted trying to mimic the movement he had led her through moments before, Maya would have picked up on the mischievousness in his voice.

"Just the eyeliner," she responded. "Why? You see a pimple? I'm overdue for one."

"Nah," he replied. "After the way Emily described it, I would have expected a bruise at the very least. I'm actually disappointed."

Maya's face flushed at that before she channelled her immediate embarrassment into annoyance. "That boy needs to stop telling Dylan things," she grated out, causing Liam to bark out a laugh. To Mr. Jackson's credit, she noted, he didn't even twitch, his attention still fixed on the essays he was marking.

"It's a shame really," Liam commented when he calmed down. "The poor boy had everything planned out. I sort of feel sorry for him."

"Please tell me you didn't tease him about it," she asked, even though she already knew the answer.

"All weekend," Liam responded pertly. "But what happened is only to be expected when a moth chases a flame."

"Spare me the metaphors," she grumbled.

"Did you want to kiss him?"

"I wouldn't have minded," she hedged, moving to a new clear spot. "I think that was half the problem. If I had just stayed still it would have been okay."

"Or maybe your body was unconsciously telling you that Shane isn't who you wanted."

"What?"

"Oh Blondie," Liam said with a whimsical smile. "I know how it is. Why settle for a freshman of your own ilk when you can have someone older, more mature, more experienced."

"Like?"

"Is this you playing coy?" he asked, completely ignoring the terseness of her response. "I know how it is. You spend time together, you have similar interests, and both are devastatingly handsome in their own way. So why don't we just end this right here and accept that it isn't Shane you want. Let me call Alex and I'm sure we can-mmmph."

"You are absolutely ridiculous," she declared, stopping his words by slapping her hand over his mouth. "And what is with you and polyamory? Mr. Jackson, how sure are you that this one isn't in a cult?"

"Depends on the day Ms. Hart," the man replied honestly, sparing them a look. "But I do occasionally worry."

"Just occasionally?" she grumbled, looking back at him. "If I let your mouth go will you not bring up the P word again?" Liam waggled his brows at her, and a second later she shrieked and pulled her hand away. "Did you lick me?"

"Salty," he smirked.

"Behaviour," Mr. Jackson said absentmindedly, flipping over a page.

"Where do those essays come from anyway?" she muttered, and beside her, Liam only shrugged.

"Shane mentioned that homecoming resolved your problem," he said conversationally, as he picked up a piece of charcoal and started to scribble on her page even though he had a perfectly good sheet right in front of him.

"It did. Lucas and I both apologised for what we did and we...sorted out a few misunderstandings."

"And they lived happily ever after?"

"Not quite," she answered smiling at the sarcastic edge his tone took. "There's a lot of work to be done, but I think we're both willing to do it. I know what you said," she added when he screwed his face at her words, "but I can't just cut him out. A part of me wishes I could but it's like he's under my skin now, and I just can't get him out."

"He hurt you. They hurt you."

"And I hurt them," she responded bitterly, "probably in more ways than I'm aware of. You only know my story Liam, not theirs."

"Yeah well you're the one who I'm interested in," he returned bluntly.

"Which makes you biased."

"I'm only trying to help you," he muttered. "If you don't want it just say so."

"That's not what I mean at all," she told him. "I'm not disregarding what you said Liam, and I get it. Cutting people out who hurt us is smart, really smart. But it's not that easy for me you know? I've always been the one who got left and I know how painful that is and I don't want to put that on other people anymore than I already have, far less them. Things might have gone topsy-turvy for us, but until recently, they've been the best people I've ever had, and I want to save that."

Liam was silent for a long while, processing her words. "Are they really worth the risk?" he finally asked.

"I have to believe they are," she answered honestly. "And if all of this has shown me anything it's that I also have work to do if I want to a better person, and a better friend to them, to him."

"What do you have to do?"

"I know him too well," she said musingly. "I can bring out the best in him, but the worst as well and he's afraid of that. I didn't really think about that before, but he mentioned it and I'm going to listen. It's not fair if I put all on him. I need to prove to him that I can put his needs first as well."

"That sounds like a lot of work," he muttered, although, she noted, he didn't say anything against her decision past that.

"I know," she agreed, "but I'm hoping it's worth the effort."

"Mmhmm," he said noncommittally. "Back to work now. I expect more from you than these crappy lines you're drawing."

"You're so lucky I like you," Maya muttered, but regardless, put her focus back on the work she was supposed to be doing.

*

The best thing about Wednesdays, Maya decided, was the fact that she had a free period directly after lunch. At first it had been a time dedicated to reading comics, but now that she had so much more to do, she tried to manage her time better. This free period was especially important since Zay's Math class had had a pop quiz that morning, and they shared the same teacher. Thankfully she had gotten the help she needed from Farkle, but she wanted to review what he had done with her to make sure.

Unfortunately she had forgotten her personal notebook in her locker, and so had to sacrifice six precious minutes of review time in order to retrieve it. She was just thankful for the fact that no-one really seemed to care about people wandering about during class time and so she had walked the distance to her locker unhindered. It seemed though that the return trip would not be that simple. She froze one corridor away from the library when she caught sight of two people further down the hall. It took her a few seconds to comprehend that it wasn't a couple pressed up against a locker whispering to each other. That was Liam with a burly guy's forearm pressed to his throat while he struggled.

Maya sprung into action immediately and sprinted down the corridor. "Let him go," she demanded as she reached them. "Now buddy," she hissed when the guy didn't react to her.

Still holding on to Liam, the guy – whom she had never seen before – turned to her, a dangerous look in his eyes. "Go away girlie," he said in a patronising tone. "This isn't your concern."

"Yeah well that's my friend you've got there so I suggest you let him go now."

"Or what princess?" the guy grinned, and leant forward, putting more of his weight onto Liam who grunted in response to the additional pressure.

Maya knew she had to think quickly. The bully was quite self-assured, and for good reason. He was twice, probably thrice her size, and she doubted she could make him move even if she grabbed and hung off his arm. But, that didn't mean she was helpless. After all, she hadn't grown up in the part of New York she had without learning a few ways to defend herself, but, she didn't really think that any of those methods were required right now.

Instead, she smirked at him, and trying not to let her fright show, said, "That's right, I'm a princess. So just how do you think it's going to look when this poor little old princess starts screaming her head off because you're trying to take advantage of her?"

The guy's smug expression fell and he sneered at her. "You wouldn't dare."

"Wouldn't I?" she returned, before taking a deep breath. Just as she was about to let out the most piercing scream she could manage, the guy released Liam and backed away.

"All right," he said, backing away. "You get away this time," he warned Liam, who was clutching at his chest. "Watch yourself princess," he added.

Maya only sneered in response, refusing to show any fear. When he disappeared from view she let out her breath and slumped beside Liam against a locker. "You okay?" she asked shakily.

"You shouldn't have done that," he said tersely, his breathing choppy.

"You were in danger."

"But now he's going to come after you too."

"He won't," she said assuredly, "I know a bluff when I see one. Did he hurt you?"

"You got here in time," he admitted reluctantly. "Thanks for that."

"Anytime," she returned. She straightened then, and left him for a few seconds to pick back up the notebook she had dropped. She paused when she heard the crinkle of paper behind her foot. She looked down and saw a sketchpad page ripped in two on the ground. Without even realising it she bent and scooped it up. "What is this?"

"Don't," Liam began, but, she supposed it was already too late because she had already started to put the two halves back together.

She blinked at the image revealed. Liam had drawn it – she knew his style well enough by now to immediately recognise that. She quickly analysed what she saw there before she looked up at him. Liam had paled, and there was even more fear in his eyes now than when he had been in the grasp of the bully. That fear was directed at her. In that moment, Maya knew that how she reacted to what she had just seen would define any future relationship between her and Liam. She didn't care about what was on that page, but, if the look on his face was anything to go by, her response was very important to him.

"Maya," he began shakily.

"It's too bad that this is how I first get to see Alex," she said conversationally as she straightened. "How am I supposed to know if you're doing him justice from such a rough sketch?"

Liam scared at her dumbfounded. She pressed out the two halves as best as she could before offering them out to him. "Is this why he did that?" she asked, referring to the bully.

"Y-yes," he responded, his voice still shaky as he took the torn page from her. "Maya -"

"I'm assuming that sketch is based off a picture? I want to see it later – all of your pictures actually. I showed you all of mine so it's only fair."

"What are you doing?" Liam blurted out then, thoroughly confused by her nonchalance.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You saw…you know."

"And?"

"It doesn't bother you?"

The vulnerability in Liam's voice as he said that question tore at her heart. This wasn't the Liam she had come to know at all. He seemed almost cowed in this moment, and was looking at her with such uncertainty that she had to resist the urge to reach out and pat his arm consolingly. Suddenly her mind drew her back to their conversation a few days earlier, and she realised that maybe Liam wasn't as unfeeling about cutting and being cut as it he had seemed at the time if the way he was looking at her was anything to go by. She couldn't help but think that he had lost people because of this, people he had cared for, and was now afraid of it happening again with her. She hated those people right about now, but stamped down her feelings because that was not what mattered right now. Reassuring him was.

"There are a lot of things about you that bother me That," she said, deliberately using her nickname for him, "but who you love is nowhere on that list."

Liam visibly sagged in relief at that, and in doing so, Maya knew that she had said the right thing.

*

Hours later, in the safety of her bedroom, Maya wondered if she had made the right decision. Liam hadn't wanted to tell a teacher about what had happened, not even Mr. Jackson, and while, for the sake of not upsetting him, she had gone along with his desire, she was starting to wonder if she shouldn't have gone ahead and told someone. Twice now she had dealt with a friend having a bully, first Farkle and then Riley. And while she couldn't negate the extent of the harm that had been done to the both of them, she couldn't help but feel that Liam's case was a bit worse, probably because it involved actual physical harm. Liam hadn't outright admitted it to her, but all of those little questions she had been filing away since she had known him had emerged once again, and finally, she believed she had an answer to at least some of them.

What had happened with that guy had not been the first altercation. For all that Liam had been scared, there had been an air of resignation about him, as if he had half-expected what had happened to him to occur. To compound that was the fact that today was the first day she had ever actually seen Liam alone on the school compound. He arrived and left with Emily and Dylan. He spent every lunch time in the art room, and those few times Mr. Jackson had had to leave them alone for a long period of time, he had actually left the key with them, telling them to lock the door after him. And, of course, she couldn't forget him being in the auditorium with Mr. Jackson. Was his presence to safeguard him? After all, she, Emily, Dylan and Shane had been performing, so, she supposed, Liam would really have been in a vulnerable position. People were going out of their way to ensure that Liam was never left alone, and that led her to believe that whatever had happened to Liam before had been bad, very bad.

And that brought her back to her original question. Should she tell someone? Liam had tried to brush it off, telling her that he had forgotten something and had gone back for it which was why he had been alone. But what had been the odds of that guy cornering him the one time he had been by himself? Was he actively monitoring him or had he just grasped an opportunity? She really hoped that that it was the latter, because then perhaps she could agree to Liam's request. After all, bullies really were cowards at the end of the day. She doubted that he would openly harass Liam once there were other people around, which was why he basically had a detail attached to him in the first place, and attachment she was definitely going to become a part of. If she went along with that idea, then she indeed didn't really need to tell anyone about what had happened. Why worry people unnecessarily? And besides, she truly had had things under control, and she wasn't at all worried about the bully's threat toward her. It was a bluff, she was certain of that. Moreover, she was no chump. She wasn't going to run scared for no reason, which, she was starting to believe some of Liam's old friends had done.

In a way she supposed she couldn't blame them. Not all people were as open-minded as her, and for those that he could find who were, there was the added dimension of Liam being bullied. High school was hard enough without having to deal with a bullied friend, especially when the bully seemed quick to add people to their list. It was safer to just back away and leave the victim to deal with it themselves. It was a selfish rationale, but one, she supposed she could understand. Because, most people, at the end of the day, would put their own safety first. And yet, she couldn't shake the feeling that such friends were the people Liam had referred to when he mentioned being cut. Teenagers could be flaky that way so she understood that. However, that left one last mystery for her that had yet to be solved. If Liam had been forcibly ejected from his friend groups and made to live a near solitary existence, then who exactly had he cut from his life on his own terms?


	27. Chapter 27

Maya couldn't understand how her day had gone downhill so fast. She had been looking forward to today ever since Paco had sent out that first promotional message, and yet, here she was, still at Riley's. She needed the blessed relief tacos offered after the week she had had. Liam was sort of avoiding her. He was talking to her - it was hard not to when she literally sat and stared at him every lunchtime until he caved in - but their interactions had changed. She didn't blame him for that though. She could tell that he was going through a period of adjustment dealing with the new knowledge she had of him, and she was okay with waiting however long it took for him to be comfortable with her again. And so, after spending part of Friday night at the movies with Shane, she had gone to Riley and put her carefully woven plan into action. They had eaten. They had showered. They had dressed for the next day, inclusive of shoes, because that would be an extra minute saved. She should have already been half-way to food coma heaven, and yet, here she was sitting against the Matthews' front door as she watched Riley, her parents and their friends tear apart the apartment in search of Barry.

She hadn't lifted a finger to help so far, and she had no intention of doing so. Barry had been next to Riley when they had fallen asleep at the bay window, and knowing first hand just how much Riley could twist and turn, Maya had no doubt that Barry either had a new owner or was already in one of the nearby dumps. But apparently she was the only one willing to embrace reality and just accept that. It was way overdue anyway. Just how much longer would Riley have clung on to the toy anyway? Until she was twenty? Forty? Eighty? She knocked her head against the door in frustration as Zay started to remove books from a shelf. Were they actually serious right about now? Had Barry miraculously morphed into a magical being with a liking for hiding behind dusty law books?

"Maya aren't you helping?" Farkle asked, as he popped up from under the kitchen counter with a frying pan in his hand.

"Do me a favour and hit yourself with that, won't cha?" Maya asked with false cheerfulness. Farkle cringed and ducked back down beneath the counter, and the sound of moving pans started again. Grumbling, Maya texted Shane, although she didn't really expect a response since he should have already been at the dance studio, practicing. Nevertheless, the simple act of texting him took the edge off her irritation; Shane at least would definitely take her side in this.

"We indulge her too much you know," Maya said conversationally to know one in particular.

Topanga looked up from the drawer she was rifling through. "It's important to her Maya."

"Everything's important to her," she huffed.

"Maybe it's because you can't relate to it."

Maya didn't respond, mulling over the woman's words even as she started to rummage through a drawer once again. Was that really the case? Was she near apathetic about this because she'd never had an attachment to a material object before? Well that was not entirely true – she loved her locket and necklace dearly – but unlike Riley, she would never put herself in a position to lose it. She sighed as her stomach growled. "What am I even doing here?" she muttered. She should have never stopped walking in the first place. Summoning the gang had proved useless; only Smackle had had the sense to refuse to come, undoubtedly foreseeing that this would happen. "I just want a taco," she whined, thumping her foot against the floor. She really just ought to leave…except she knew that Riley would make far too big a deal about that, even if Maya meant nothing by her actions beyond wanting to assuage her hunger with cheap, delicious food.

Maya rubbed at her forehead wearily, questioning all of the life choices that had brought her to this point. "Life," she said, looking toward the ceiling sadly, "we need to talk. Here I am on Taco Day, no taco whatsoever. Would you care to explain yourself and your mysterious ways?"

She didn't expect a response; indeed she might have instantly needed a new pair of underwear had some mystical voice actually answered her question. However, it did seem as if someone out there was listening, because someone was suddenly pushing against the front door, causing her to scramble away. She was just about to protest loudly when she heard Josh's voice. Her sour mood lifted somewhat – but definitely not enough for her to launch herself up and onto his back like she normally would. And so she settled for drumming her feet against the floor as she waited for him to notice her. "You win universe," she whispered. "Who needs a taco when I can have Josh?"

Soon enough, she was looking up into Josh's warm brown gaze as he helped her up, squeezing down on her hand gently. "Hey."

"Hey," she returned softly, swaying a bit.

"Long game?"

"Long game," she answered, pegging the lack of the usual butterflies in her stomach at his question on her lingering annoyance about Barry.

She closed the door while Josh talked to Topanga and then Riley. She didn't pay too much mind to the conversations occurring at first, because, unlike the rest of them, she truly expected Josh to laugh it off and tell Riley to just grow up. And yet…that was not happening. Maya frowned, walking closer to where Josh was to make sure that she really was hearing right. No. Hunger had not ruined her sense of hearing. Josh truly was dissuading Riley – and by extension the rest of them – away from maturing and accepting that there was a life beyond high school.

"Wait but…she said yes to tacos," Maya told Josh, tugging on his sleeve to get his attention. "What are you doing?"

"She needs to find Barry, Maya."

"But tacos," she whined, stamping her foot. She didn't care how childish she seemed in that moment, or how amused Lucas seemed to be finding her actions if his expression was anything to go by. She had no shame with the glimmer of tacos right in front of her. Josh ignored her, and started to regale the group about the horrors of college. Pouting, Maya dropped down on the couch, staring forlornly off into space as Riley swiftly reversed her stance, once more seeing Barry as vital to her existence. "I will never eat again," Maya lamented, flinging an arm over her face.

"You're being silly Maya," Josh told her then, and scowling, she reached her leg out to kick his shin.

"I'm being silly?" she protested. "It's your fault your roommate's still a weirdo. If you had burnt the harmonica like I told you to and blown an air-horn every time he told you to hush I'd be eating a taco all now and you wouldn't be a snoops a loop."

"Antagonising him isn't going to solve anything."

"Whatever helps you not sleep at night," she retorted. "Don't call me complaining the next time he decides to practice at three in the morning."

"I text, not call," Josh responded, nudging her. "It's not my fault you always call right back."

"Three o clock is the hour of the artists," she returned, waving her hand with a flourish.

"Wait," Topanga said, just as Josh made to speak. "You know about his problems?"

"He gots a lot," Maya joked, glancing at her. "You'd think you'll be able to solve them by now Mr. I Do Psychology."

"You are being quite sassy this morning."

"Hunger does that."

"You guys are still talking?" Topanga asked sharply, and it was only then that Maya returned her attention to the other occupants of the room.

"Yeah. So?"

"They're in the long game mom," Riley added.

"Oh really?" Topanga said shortly.

Maya frowned as Topanga stood abruptly at that, and headed out of the room. What was her problem? Josh seemed unconcerned by her abrupt departure, and so she thought nothing of grabbing and tugging him down beside her so that she could lean against him while he continued to speak. She reluctantly admitted that, for the first time, she in no way agreed with what he was saying. Neither did she appreciate the way he seemed to be embodying Riley in terms of wallowing in self-pity right now. But, seeing that no one seemed prepared to listen to her today, she held her peace, and relaxed with her head pressed against his shoulder.

*

Cory paused in the doorway to the main living area, looking to where his brother and Maya sat. His hands clenched briefly as he saw just how cuddly the two of them were being. Had everything he had said to Josh the last time just gone in one ear and out the other? "My brother," he called once the group conversation ended and they all dispersed, going back to their search while Maya moved to lie on the couch completely, "a moment please."

"Yeah Cory?" Josh asked as he neared him.

Cory didn't respond. This was not a conversation that needed to be overhead, and so he led them into the laundry room, gesturing for Josh to close the door behind him. The room was the nearest thing to a sound proofed one the apartment had. It was a concession he and Topanga had made years ago when they were short of time and needed to do laundry at night without waking a kindergartener and a baby. It would do well for his purpose. He hopped up on the washer, ignoring the voice in his head that warned him that Topanga would not be happy if she saw him up here, and instead focussed on the matter at hand.

"How many kids do I have Joshua Gabriel?" he asked. He watched with satisfaction the way his brother flinched slightly at the use of his full name.

"Look Cor," Josh began, a bit nervously as he tried to interject a bit of humour into his tone, "if you and Pangers need to talk..."

"Three," Cory interrupted. "Maya crawled through Riley's window for the first time on March 20th 2008 and instantly became my second child. Well technically third but we didn't find out about Auggie until a few weeks after that," he briefly digressed. "Anyway, I swore to protect Maya with the same fervour I would with Riley, and even though Shawn's around now, that hasn't changed. I will not let that little girl make decisions that could ruin her life."

"And I'm a bad decision?" Josh asked gruffly, leaning back against the wall.

"We talked about this already Joshua," Cory said firmly. "And I told you back then to end whatever game you and Maya are playing. Because this isn't a game."

"Cory, you need to stop treating her like a little girl. Maya knows what she's doing."

"Yeah aren't you the same guy who was just telling them to stay in high school forever? You can't have it both ways."

"I'd think you'd be happy Cory," Josh tried again. "I'm your brother. You know me. Why wouldn't I be good for Maya?"

"I didn't say you're not," he told him gently, "but the timing of this is all wrong. Maya is fourteen."

"And I'm seventeen."

"And a freshman in college just like her. Oh, wait, she's a freshman in high school," Cory snapped. "Would you be happy if one of your college buddies started dating Riley?"

"I'm not dating Maya," Josh sputtered. "Long game Cory. She knows I'm around, I know she's around and we'll see how it goes from there."

"Oh yeah?" Cory said, drumming his fingers against the washer. "And what happens when you meet a girl you really like Josh? Because even if it hasn't happened yet, it will. What are you going to tell Maya then? Yeah sweetheart, we're on in the next four years, but until then I'm just going to go around with Becky."

"I'd hope she had a better name than that," Josh muttered, before saying, more seriously, "Maya's basically in a relationship with Shane right now isn't she? Yeah Cory, I know about Shane, just like I know all about Lucas, and I'm okay with that."

"And do you think that anything real can happen with her and anybody with you hanging over her head like this?" Cory argued. "This game of yours has her as a possibility for you Josh, but I'm damn certain that deep down, Maya does not think the same. Maya doesn't deal with maybes and some days, not with what she's gone through. And if you truly think that that is not the case, I've got some shares on the moon to sell to you."

"The thing with Lucas isn't that serious," Josh scoffed. "It's just typical teenage feelings stuff."

"Except Maya's not a typical girl," he said mildly. "Besides, I'm not even talking about Lucas. I'm talking about her dad."

"What does he have to do with anything?"

"He has everything to do with this," Cory near snarled. "He was supposed to be the one man she could trust in, the one who would never, ever let her down. And he left. I thought Shawn had it bad until I saw that same haunted look in the eyes of a six year old girl. Maya doesn't trust people easily, doesn't believe in them, especially men. I've done my damnest to fill the void her father left and even now I know she still sees me as Riley's father before anyone else. And if she's that way with me, how different do you think it is with anyone else? To be honest I've wondered for a long while if she's ever going to find someone she trusts implicitly.

"But she has Shawn now."

Cory laughed bitterly at that. "She's still learning to trust him too. Just take a look at her face whenever she watches him or him and her mom together. She wants to believe in him, to believe in them so badly, but that fear is still there. She likes you Josh, and that is what makes you a threat to her, because once someone she likes hurts her, the whole in her heart just gets bigger and bigger."

"But I would never hurt her," Josh said seriously. "That's the one thing I would never do."

"Lucas said the same thing," Cory said dismissively, "and you know what happened. So has Farkle and Zay, and yet the first day of high school she and Riley were out there crying because they'd left them too. What makes you think you'd be any different?"

"Because I know her history. I know what not to do."

"No Josh, you think you do. Until recently Maya's been your niece's best friend. You know of her, but you do not know her, and the fact that you think do makes you the most dangerous of them all. You think you know what to do. You think you know what to say. You think you're giving her hope by making promises for the future, but the future's the last thing a kid like Maya cares about. This isn't someday for her, it's now, and everything she does, any decision she makes is in keeping with whatever stupid rules you've come up with. She's not going to commit to anyone else fully because of what she's in with you. You may be okay with her and Mr. Crawford, but she's going to fall apart if and when she finds out you're with someone else because it may be serious for you in a way she would never allow Mr. Crawford to be to her. She'll think that once again she's not good enough, that it's her fault that she couldn't do the right thing, whatever that is, that would have made you stay."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" Josh asked quietly after a long pause. "I do care about her Cory but..."

"You're not sure you could commit to her in the way she needs."

Josh nodded, silently.

"You had good intentions bud," Cory said gently, reaching out to clasp his shoulder. "I don't fault you for that, but this thing you're trying? You are in way over your head, and it's not going to end well. I'm not saying that the two of you aren't meant to be. That's not my call to make. But the timing isn't right Josh, not right now. This I know you're here, you know I'm here thing isn't cutting it. You both need to live your lives freely and figure out who you are and what you want to do on your own. Maybe that will lead you two right back to each other. Maybe it won't. But now is definitely not the time for you two to be trying to figure that out."

*

Maya was never one to think straight while she was hungry, and that was why she was sure that, even if she couldn't quite decipher what it was that Zay was trying to say about his first day in New York, she was certain it was important. Maya rocked back against the wall, and continued to watch the damage unfurling although, ever so often, she felt her gaze drawn to the exit Matthews and Josh had walked out from. They had been gone for far too long, and with each minute that passed, the more restless she grew. She had no doubt that it was about her; she had forgotten about it until now, but she recalled how weird Matthews had acted the last time she and Josh were together. That, coupled with Topanga's behaviour earlier, she had little doubt that that conversation, in some way, involved her. She bit her lip, and once again wondered if she wasn't just better off leaving. She had a vague idea of where Shane's dance studio was, or she could even call Emily and ask for her address to come over and harass Liam.

Just as she was about to rise, Josh re-entered. He glanced at her, and she saw confusion and discomfort on his face right before he bent and started to dig feverishly in a basket. She slumped back down, feeling the energy drain out of her. She didn't need more than that to see what the immediate future held for her, and she knew that tacos would do absolutely nothing to help with it. She picked at her cuticles, wishing she could just have a do-over for the entire day until, miraculously, she smelt the distinct odour of tacos. She looked up, shocked to see Riley and Lucas standing in the entry-way, bags of glorious tacos in hand.

"How?" she asked, dumbfounded even as Matthews grabbed one of the bags and started to distribute its contents.

"I'm sorry Maya," Riley apologised as she handed her a taco before sitting next to her. "Barry's gone, probably for good, and instead of just accepting that I wasted so much time today."

Maya stared at her, wondering but accepting the change in Riley's mindset. "It's okay," she said, resting the taco on her lap. "Barry's important to you."

"But not as much as you," she returned, "which is why Lucas and I went to get these for you."

"Thank you," she whispered, before turning to Lucas who offered her a half-smile before turning back to Farkle and Zay.

"I cried," Riley added, causing Maya to frown.

"Honey, it's not that big a deal."

"Oh I don't mean about that," Riley scoffed, before opening the bag on her lap. "It was the only way they'd give me this."

Maya squealed a moment later as she saw the bauble head. She clutched it to her chest happily, forgetting everything else for now as she ran her fingers lightly over the sombrero. Maybe things weren't that bad, she thought, before moving to open and eat her taco. She paid no one else any mind until she had polished it off. It was why, when she had finally finished it and folded the wrapper, she was surprised to see that it was now Josh, and not Riley, who was besides her, observing her with contemplative eyes.

"Is this where we say goodbye?" she asked woodenly. "I know Matthews told you something."

"Are you busy next weekend?" Josh questioned in return, rubbing his wrist against his forehead. "I need some time to think and I don't want to rush it."

"Thinking is rarely good," she remarked dryly.

"Maya, I'm not-"

"Fine," she interrupted. "We can meet next week. Have fun thinking."

"Maya don't be upset," Josh said softly, reaching out to touch her cheek. "It's just…I need to do what's best for you."

"What did he tell you?"

Josh sighed, but didn't answer her question. "I need you to do something for me this week too okay?"

"What?"

"Think about me. Think about us, and think about your life as you have it now. Then tell me next week if and where you see us going. And I will do the same."

"Didn't we already figure this out?" she asked, knocking his hand away from her face. "Isn't all of that the long game?"

"Maya," Josh sighed.

"Whatever Josh," she snapped, and sank back against the cushions, ignoring him. She wondered if she was really just imagining the silence, or if everyone had really been listening to their conversation. It didn't matter anyway. Her phone vibrated in her pocket, and pulling it out, she saw that it was Shane, probably done with practice, asking for more details of what had happened. The text blurred, and it took Maya a moment to realise that it was from tears welling up in her eyes. No way, she thought, furiously blinking them back as she got up, and without a word bypassed everyone to get to the safety the bathroom offered.

*

"Did something happen while we were gone?" Riley asked, confused as she watched first Maya, and then Josh, exit the room.

"I don't know," Lucas responded. "Farkle?"

"Mr. Matthews and Josh were talking for a while," he answered. "I couldn't hear what about though."

"That's kind of obvious ain't it?" Zay groused, his eyes narrowing as Josh stepped back into the room, a defeated look on his face. Undoubtedly Maya had just refused to talk any further with him. "Hey you," he called, standing, "come here. We need to have a chat."

"What about Zay?" Josh asked tiredly, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"You care about Maya?" he asked.

"It's the one thing I'm certain about."

"And you know what's been going on?"

"I do."

"Well then you know that things are a little…no, a lot complicated for her right now. And I know you two have this whole someday let's go have fun on the moon thing going, but right here on earth, I don't like what I'm seeing."

"Zay?" Maya asked worriedly, stepping back into the room. Her face was damp, and she seemed both weary and wary as she approached them, moving to stand near Josh. "What are you doing?"

"Helping," he said simply. "I don't know what's going on with you two now, but even before that, things weren't quite hunky-dory. So I have an offer for you."

"An offer?" Josh repeated doubtfully.

"Yes, an offer. Since he's not always around," Zay said, gesturing at Josh, "and it's probably going to a while before we can get your boy to hang out with us, you're going to be alone whenever Riley and Lucas decide to drag us somewhere and then promptly ditch us."

"When have I-?"

"You ditched me for her!" Zay snapped, glaring at his best friend before turning back to Maya just watched him, silent. "So here's my offer. While those two stare into each other's eyes and try to figure out how to hold hands at the movies, sit next to me."

"What?"

"You helped me when you didn't have to Maya," he told her gently, "and I don't want you to feel like I did. I don't want you to be the third wheel. So that's what I'm offering. To make sure you're never alone."

Maya stared at him for a long moment before asking, thickly, "Have I mentioned lately how stupid Vanessa is for letting you go?"

"Wait what?" Lucas said confused.

"Not now traitor," Zay barked. "So," he continued, looking at Josh. "That okay with you? I mean I don't really care, but is that okay with you?"

Josh swallowed and looked between Maya and Zay for a moment. "I think that's her decision to make," he responded gruffly. "Maya, next weekend?"

"Yeah," she agreed, a bit listlessly. "Next weekend."

"A ninth grader knows what's up," Cory commented a moment later when Josh reached him.

"I get it Cory," Josh said a bit irritated. "We'll work it out."

"In the right way," Cory warned, "or else I'm going to a higher power."

"Who? Topanga?"

"A bit higher than that," Cory responded with a dangerous smirk. "I'm thinking mom and dad."

And, even though he was almost an adult, and living on his own, Josh could not help but shudder at the thought of that.


	28. Chapter 28

It seemed as if Liam had made a decision about her sometime over the weekend. It was the only explanation for the complete return to normalcy between them. He had greeted her cheerfully when she had stepped into the art room that lunchtime, and had even given her a brownie he had had his aunt set aside especially for her. It had been absolutely delicious, complete with chocolate chips and a caramel sauce that had definitely given her a sugar high for her classes that afternoon. She hadn't questioned Liam then, partly because she hadn't wanted to rock the boat, but also because she wasn't certain what Mr. Jackson did or did not know. And so, she held her peace rather than risk revealing something Liam might have wanted to keep private.

However, now, with all the other members of the art club gone, and with Mr. Jackson waving them out, saying that he could finish the last of the clean-up himself, Maya decided that now was the best time to try to get some answers out of him. Liam's locker was a lot closer to the art room than hers, and so they headed there first. It would be just the two of them. In the beginning, Emily would be waiting at the door to the art room once the club was dismissed. That habit though had stopped a few weeks back, probably because now Liam had guaranteed company afterwards. And, as she now knew, company for Liam was generally an assurance that he would be safe.

"Are we ever going to talk about this?" she asked nonchalantly, leaning against a neighbouring locker while he fiddled with his lock.

To Liam's credit, he didn't react visibly to her question. Neither did he, for once, try to distract her or divert her attention away with jokes, insults, or any other form of subterfuge.

"I don't think we really need to," he responded carefully.

"And what gives you that idea?"

"Because it's been exactly five days since you've found out and you haven't acted any differently towards me. So, I decided to give into my delusions for a bit and assume that that's not going to change. Therefore, I rather not have any sort of conversation that's going to prove to me just how wrong I am to think that."

"You sound very uncertain for someone with a cut or be cut philosophy," she pointed out.

He snorted at that, finally pulling his locker door open. "I'm probably getting soft in my old age," he returned, "but you're really not someone I want to lose."

"Is this you admitting that you love me?" she cooed, reaching out to pinch his side.

He let out a soft sound of wry amusement. "Whatever Blondie."

"You love me," she teased before laughing out loud when she saw a flush start to creep up on his neck in response to her statement. "You aren't delusional," she told him, a bit more seriously, "at least not in this."

Liam closed his locker once he had stuffed the last of things into his bag, and slung it onto his back. "You really mean that? You're okay with…everything."

"I'm not going anywhere. You're not going to lose me over this."

"As if I wanted to keep ya," he grumbled, walking off. Snickering she fell into step beside him. "I will admit," he continued, "it's pretty nice to not have to deal with excuses for once. Thanks for that."

"What do you mean?"

"Care for a sob story?"

"I'm sure your life's not that tragic," she joked, "but go ahead. I can go for a good tale."

Liam scoffed lightly at that, but started to relate his personal history to her anyway. "If I think about it, Alex and I have always been a thing. We just made it official when we got into seventh grade. It wasn't even a big deal or anything…it just happened and that was that. We didn't even have to make the big old announcement to any of our friends. Honestly I think some of them realised what was going on before we did. I'm not trying to paint a rosy picture by any means," he added as they reached to her locker, "but generally, most people were fine with it, with us. Then eight grade started and I had to move and transfer schools and things…changed."

"And not in a good way," Maya guessed, as she started to gather her belongings.

"You could say that," he responded with a self-depreciating laugh. "Most people were just…neutral, but there were a few who decided to make it their life's mission to make mines' hell. Probably didn't help that I was firmly entrenched in goth fashion, but between that and my relationship, I got pretty banged up on occasion. And, unfortunately, some of those people graduated to here with me and passed the word along to other undesirables, one of whom you had the pleasure of meeting last Wednesday."

"A meeting I could do without a repeat of," she said, closing her locker door. "Come on," she bid, cocking her head. "Walk and talk, That."

"So demanding," he joked, but heeded her. "My second middle school life sucked in comparison to the first and, when it came time to start high school I ended up here while all my real friends went ahead to Jones. I only had a handful of people in my year here that, at the time, I considered to be friends, but when the bullying continued, and then got even worse, the excuses began."

"Excuses?"

"It was small at first, and I didn't even notice. Some people said they couldn't hang out after school anymore because they were busy, grounded or had a club. Other people suddenly had study groups at lunchtime, and yet were in the cafeteria for the entire period. People stopped taking my messages and calls, no one wanted to do projects with me…the list goes on and on," he related with false cheerfulness. "And then one day the worst happened. Got asked to meet one of them near the locker room one afternoon, and like a sucker, I went, like a stupid little puppy glad to get a scrap of attention. They weren't the ones who showed up though."

There was a grimness in his last few woods that had Maya nearly tripping over the last step leading out of the school as she looked toward him. "Who showed?" she asked carefully.

"I rather not talk about that," he said, and there was an unflinching firmness to his tone that she had no choice but to respect. "Maybe someday I'll tell you, but not now, okay?"

"Okay," she accepted.

"Thanks." They were standing at the corner of the street, waiting for a chance to cross when he started to speak again. "Those friends I mentioned," he said, picking up where he had left off, "they cut me out, but I took that as a lesson and I adopted it as my mantra. I started to take people out of rotation myself, starting with anyone who lied to me. Because that's what excuses are, you know? Excuses are just lies people use to feel less shitty about themselves."

"I've never seen it that way."

"You should," he encouraged. "People do it thinking that they're sparing your feelings, but in truth, you feel worse once you realise you've been had. I've had more than enough of that, and so, the minute I see that someone's not interested in my company, adios son. Don't let the door hit ya in the rear on your way out."

Maya contemplated his words for a while before confessing, "My dad made excuses. Said that his leaving wasn't about me and my mom. That he just wasn't ready to be a dad. That there wasn't anything he could do for us."

"That's a load of bull."

"I know," she agreed. "His job was to stay."

"Only if he was a good one," Liam amended.

"What?"

"Would he have been a good dad if he'd stayed or were you better off without him?"

Maya thought about it, recalling the near constant arguments that had happened between her parents towards the end, the way she'd creep out of her bedroom when the noises stopped and saw her mother just crying brokenly on the couch, or her dad muttering to himself as he shuffled through papers – papers she only now realised were more than likely bills. Bills that he had apparently thought would disappear if he just left. Well, in a way she supposed that they had…at least for him.

"I don't know," she said honestly. "Things weren't good, but...they weren't the worst either. And," she added bitterly, "he got better. He's a great dad to the kids he's got now."

"Ouch," Liam intoned, wincing sympathetically. "That's got to hurt."

"You don't know the half of it," she muttered, narrowly avoiding a collision with a pair of laughing little boys running up the subway steps. "What happened with your parents?" she asked. "I mean, if you want to talk about it?"

"Yeah we can talk about that," he answered. "My dad died when I was eight."

"I'm sorry," she offered, startled.

"Yeah me too. He was the greatest guy alive. My mom…not so much. Let's just say she was one of the people who didn't take too kindly to Alex and I."

"In what way?" she asked cautiously, a growing sense of unease nagging at her.

Liam didn't answer until they'd reach the platform. He took of his bag, and placed it on the floor between his feet to secure it. Then, after assessing her for one long moment, he pulled up the sleeve of his jacket, not the easiest task given how snug it was. Maya hissed as the beginnings of a raised scar was revealed on his forearm. She had little doubt that if he pulled it up further, more of it would show. It was probably why she had never seen him in anything that wasn't long-sleeved.

"She did that to you?" she asked, her voice cracking.

"Small price for saving my pretty face," he responded with false-cheer as he righted his clothing.

"And that's why you live with Emily," she guessed, even as her mind tried to wrap around the fact that someone could actually hurt their own child in that way.

"Bingo," he said, picking up his bag back up. "A cop lived on the floor, heard the commotion and busted the door down. She tried to fight it, but it's pretty hard to convince anyone to let you keep a kid you tried to kill, no matter how much she tried to claim it was just a spanking that went a little too far. She got probation and I got a new home with Uncle Jake and Aunt Casey, and that was that. So see what I mean? If your dad wouldn't have been a good one, no matter how rough things got without him, it was better off for him to have disappeared. Plus, you seem to really like the guy your mom's dating now. What was his name again?"

"Shawn," she supplied, before shaking her head, trying to shake the feelings listening to Liam had evoked. She didn't know what she could do or say that would express justly how she felt about what he had experienced. However, more than that, she felt so grateful and yet also humbled by the fact that he had been willing to open up and share that much with her. And so, she settled for reaching out and squeezing his arm. Liam acknowledged the gesture by briefly settling his hand over hers and he gave her a genuine fond smile.

Of course, in typical Liam fashion, he ruined what probably was the most heartfelt moment between them yet by letting that smile morph into his usual annoying grin. "So," he asked cheerfully as the train pulled up, "now that you've unlocked my tragic backstory, are you even more enamoured with me?"

"Way to ruin the mood," she grumbled as she pulled her hand away and boarded the train, Liam right behind her. "I was almost feeling sorry for you."

"I rather your love than your pity."

"How does Alex deal with you?"

"The same way you do, sweetheart."

"I rather Blondie," Maya told him.

"Sweetheart it is," he declared.

Maya opened her mouth, prepared to respond in a way that would undoubtedly have them bickering until they got to his stop, but her phone vibrating distracted her. "Hang on there a sec," she bid, answering.

A minute later, she hung up, completely confused and wondering just how a cookie could qualify as a code red emergency.

*

The mass exodus of her friends from Riley's window was surprising, so surprising that Maya stood at the bottom of the fire escape and watched as, one by one, the boys descended, led by a distressed looking Zay. She narrowed her focus to him. Zay never let his hurt show, not unless he planned on using its revelation to his advantage; whatever was wrong had to be serious. He didn't even seem to notice her at first, but his dark eyes settled on hers when she stepped directly into his path and put a hand against his chest, stilling him.

"How can I help?" she asked simply, because, after all Zay had done for her lately, there was no way she was going to let that look remain in his eyes.

"There's nothing you can do," Zay said roughly. "Your friend is a lunatic."

"Zay," she breathed, confused by the venom in his tone.

"Look, I can't do this right now," he told her, taking a deep breath as he visibly tried to calm himself. "Let one of them tell you, but Maya, I need to go for now." Despite his still gruff tone, Zay's grip on her hand was gentle as he dislodged it. "Bye Maya."

"Go after him," she said immediately, turning to Lucas and Farkle. "Don't leave him alone. He's really upset."

"We'll go," Smackle said coming up behind them. "Honey bunches, come on."

Maya frowned minutely, wondering why Smackle hadn't come down the escape as well, but, glancing down she got her answer. She made a mental note to teach the girl how she could get in and out of the window in a skirt without giving the whole street a show.

"O-okay," Farkle agreed. "You'll handle this Maya?" he asked, glancing up to Riley's illuminated window.

"I'll do my best," she promised, and, reassured, Farkle and Smackle took off down the street after Zay.

"What happened?" she demanded, once they were out of earshot. "Farkle called code red."

"Riley went too far," Lucas said tiredly, walking back to the fire escape and sitting down on the steps. "Today was Cookie Day. Riley ate the cookie and then insulted how it tasted."

"What? Why would she do that?"

Lucas sighed and pinched at the bridge of his nose as if seeking patience. "I don't know if your class has to do the same thing, but we had a debate today. It was Riley versus Farkle and Riley lost. She didn't take it too well and Mr. Matthews decided to turn it into a teachable moment, so now everyone except Riley has to argue in favour of being good. Riley has to do evil."

Now it was Maya's turn to pinch at her nose. She didn't need Lucas to speak any further to know just how badly Riley would have responded to that directive. "But what does that have to do with her eating the cookie? Oooh… To prove that she could be bad."

"Basically. "We came here to give her a chance to apologise. But she was almost belligerent and now Zay's more upset than ever."

"Oh Riley," Maya groaned. "She's gone off the deep-end. You guys have no idea how to deal with that."

"Apparently so," he muttered. "Can you? I can't believe she did this. Riley's good; she doesn't just go around hurting people."

"Not deliberately," she acknowledged, twisting her mouth slightly. "Look Lucas, go after Zay okay? I'm not sure that Farkle and Smackle can handle him as well as you could. You know him best."

"I could say the same for you and Riley," he replied. "Maybe we should just have gotten you after class had ended."

"I can't always be there to help her," Maya said. "It's not what she needs."

"Maya-"

"I'll handle it," she interrupted. "Go after Zay."

"You sure?" he asked, coming closer so he could examine her face. "You seem…tired."

"When am I not tired?" she joked, before adding, "I'm fine, really" because her attempt at humour did nothing to reassure him. "It's just been a draining sort of day."

"Then maybe you don't need this right now."

"Riley needs me," Maya answered, offering him a tight smile. "And Zay needs you."

"I know but-"

"One of your best friends needs you, cowboy," she said firmly. "I'll take care of your girlfriend, you take care of him."

"And who's going to take care of you?"

"I can take care of me."

Lucas let out his breath at that, and still, even though she was now actually starting to shove him in the direction the rest of them had gone, he seemed concerned about her. "Call me later?" he finally requested.

"That's a fair compromise," she agreed. "So please, go."

"Okay," he responded, because finally, thankfully, leaving.

*

Maya blinked slowly, almost owlishly as she listened with half an ear to the conversation emanating from the classroom she was standing outside of. Riley owed her big time for this. She could be working on her draft sketch during this period - the last of the day before she had glee club - but instead, she was standing outside Matthews' classroom, waiting to go in but also hoping that it wouldn't become necessary for her to do so. She closed her eyes, but the painful grittiness she encountered forced her to immediately reopen them. The dry, stinging feeling was only slightly better, and wearily, she considered just abandoning the club for that afternoon so she could sleep.

Matthews was speaking again she realised, coming back to the present. And, while she supposed whatever he was saying was quite riveting, she didn't bother to focus too much on it. After all, she had the man the following day, and, while the debate topics would be different, she didn't doubt that he'd use the same spiel, so why listen now? She only paid attention when she heard Riley speak.

"Please don't be mucking things up," she whispered, because honestly, while they had talked for a long time, she wasn't sure that the lesson had been fully learnt.

"I can't change the fact that I ate your cookie Zay," Riley said from within, "but I hope you could forgive me."

"Why should I?" he demanded, and yup, he was still definitely pissed. Hadn't Lucas said that he'd calmed him down, or was Riley really just making things worst?

"What can I do?" Riley pleaded, and Maya could envision the tears in her eyes.

"Get me my cookie back!" Zay snapped.

Groaning, Maya straightened. She definitely needed to intervene. And so, forcing more energy into her tone and step than she actually felt, she sauntered into the room, a bag held loosely in her left hand brushing against her thigh. "Sup losers," she greeted loudly, drawing all eyes to her. "Heard you guys are having a wee little problem."

"Oh thank god," Sarah breathed out in relief. "Save us from this please."

"What she said," Darby agreed, looking up from the phone she had been furtively using from her position near the back of the group.

"I'mma try," she reassured them, before putting down the bag for now.

"What are you doing here, Ms. Hart?" Matthews asked.

"I'm not talking to you," she replied, pointing her finger at him.

"Maya," the teacher started.

"Not talking to you Matthews," she re-affirmed. "I'm just here to out the wildfire you started."

"Haven't you realised by now that there's a method to my madness?"

"Oh, and Zay getting hurt was a part of that?"

"Well, no," he admitted, looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Then hush and let me deal with this."

"There's nothing to deal with Maya," Zay said. "I don't think I can ever forgive her."

"Just give me a chance okay?" she requested, moving to stand between the two podiums. "So, from what the cowboy said this is supposed to be a debate about good versus evil right?"

"Right," Lucas confirmed, looking at her curiously, as if trying to suss out what her motive here was. After all, she hadn't mentioned any of this to him in the previous night.

"Riley here," she continued, "was supposed to learn about being evil, and she did. I think we can both agree that you enjoyed it, right Riles?"

"For a bit," Riley said in a small voice.

"And being evil is fun sometimes," she told the group, shrugging a bit. "I remember taking a lot of you for a joyride through Mayaville, and there weren't any complaints."

A murmur of agreement passed through the crowd, causing Maya to smirk in remembrance.

"Woah Maya," Lucas interjected, "you can't classify yourself as evil."

"The braids this one had me put in her hair says otherwise," she said, only partly joking as she reached out to tug at one. Truthfully, once Lucas had given her the context she had been missing, Maya hadn't found Riley's seemingly innocuous request so innocent anymore. Riley had deliberately wanted to embody her whilst carrying out this presentation, and, Maya had to admit that stung more than just a little. Yes, she was the dark one, the bad one between the two of them, but was she actually evil in her friend's opinion?

"Don't worry Hop A Long," she added, "I'm standing in the middle for a reason." She offered him a smile that she wasn't quite certain reached her eyes if the crease that appeared in his forehead meant anything. "Anyway," she said, refocusing, "Riley?"

"I was too evil," she lamented.

"And that's when it stopped being fun right? Because you realised you were hurting people."

"Exactly," she agreed, before looking at Zay. "I feel really bad Zay. I knew what I was doing, but I didn't think about the consequences of my actions."

"You hearing that, Hambone?" Maya said, shooting Matthews a glance. He, in response, only sighed and looked away.

"I even wrote you a cookie song Zay."

"I forgive you," he deadpanned immediately, and despite her mediator role, Maya had to snort as he made to embrace Riley. Crutch or not, Zay's humour really was effective, and it took real effort to not be distracted by it.

"I want you to mean it Zay."

"Let's resolve it without torturing the boy," Maya said wryly. "The point I'm trying to get at is that Riley did something wrong, something bad, but she took no pleasure in it after the fact. That shows that there is still good in her. And that's what my proposition is. Just like light and dark co-exist, so does good and evil. But they must remain in balance or else disaster will happen, in this case a forbidden cookie was consumed and while we can't change that fact, we can acknowledge it and try to move forward from it. Zay, Riley has always been good, maybe at times too good, and because of that, when she fell, she fell hard. But she didn't stay down and she's fighting hard to balance herself now, starting by apologising to you."

"Yeah and maybe I don't want to be good either," Zay said testily. "Maybe I don't want to do the right thing and forgive her. Maybe I don't want her to feel good. That cookie meant a lot to me."

"And would your grandma be happy knowing that you're putting a cookie above a friend?"

"Low blow Maya," Zay protested, although he visibly deflated at her words.

"Am I wrong though?" she asked, walking closer to him. "Come on Zay," she added more softly. "I've been there, you of all people know that, but Riley didn't mean to cause as much damage as she did."

"Then maybe she needs to start learning the consequences," he argued. "You guys keep letting her off the hook every time she does this, and somehow you dragged me into doing that as well. And I don't want to do that anymore because it's no good for us, and it's no good for her. Wasn't that the reason you left the Riley Committee in the first place? Why are you even here now?"

Maya had no answer for that.

"You even going to tell her how she hurt you today?"

"I what?" Riley said, surprised.

"Forget about that," she snapped, pinning Zay with a glare when he made to speak again. "This isn't about me in any way. This is about you and Riley and the fact that you know that you're going to forgive her. Not because of what it'd do for her, or even us, but for what it would do for you. If you don't forgive her, you're going to carry that resentment around. And that kind of resentment grows and grows until it consumes you and you take on the big things and the small. You don't want that Zay."

"Speaking from experience there, huh?"

She chuckled at that. "I'm still learning how to do that myself, but I've found that trying to let go brings its own rewards."

Zay sighed deeply, but nodded and looked past her to Riley. "I forgive you Riley. But please, find a balance okay?"

"I will," she promised, and Maya stepped back as they hugged, genuinely this time.

The class started to clap in response, and, relieved, Maya moved so that she could sit. Now that had been exhausting. "Bring us home, Matthews," she directed, deciding to take a bit of her own advice.

"I don't have anything to add," he replied honestly. "Ms. Hart wins the debate."

"Don't expect me to pay attention tomorrow then," she warned, before reaching over to pick up the bag she had brought in with her. "Zay, think fast," she called, before tossing it at him.

He caught it, barely, and opened it. Seconds later he gasped audibly. "Cookies!" he squealed.

"What?" Riley gaped as he took one out and sniffed at it.

"These are grandma's!" he added, turning wide, excited eyes her way.

"Good is sometimes rewarded," she smirked.

"But how?"

"Got your grandma's name off Huckleberry and contacted her," she explained, slouching down in the seat as her tiredness made itself known once again. "Took a bit of convincing, but she gave me the recipe on the condition that I only give these to you if I believe you deserve them. And guess what? You deserve them."

"Why didn't you just hand them to him from the start?" Riley demanded.

"There were lessons to be learnt," she responded sagely. "Share Babineaux. There's plenty for everyone."

"Yes ma'am," he said happily, before doing just that after handing her one.

Biting into it, Maya leant her head back, prepared to catch a few minutes of sleep before the class ended. It had taken her six tries to get that recipe right, but, seeing the results of her efforts, she decided it was worth it. She only opened her eyes when she felt a light hand on her shoulder, and turned her head slightly to see Lucas looking down at her.

"Hey," he said softly, sitting on the edge of her desk.

"Hey yourself Huckleberry. What's up?"

"I'm proud of you," he told her, his voice deeper than normal.

"I hardly did anything," she returned, striving for a dismissive tone even as she felt her cheeks flush at the praise.

"You did a lot," he contradicted gently. "More than anyone could ever expect you to, and I am very proud of you because of that princess."

That only made her blush deepen and, making a bit of a distressed sound, Maya looked away. Lucas laughed softly at that and, trying and failing to glare at him, Maya decided that this would be the last time he would get away with calling her that ridiculous name without consequence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If "Girl Meets Creativity" is anything to go by, no matter what, it is integral to continue to fight for what you believe in, and right now I firmly believe in "Girl Meets World". In case anyone has not heard, Disney has cancelled the show, however, we, the fandom, refuse to accept this. Now is the time to put aside all ship wars, character hate etc and unite behind the fact that this is a show that has done so much for us on so many different levels and that we want to see reach the conclusion the writers ultimately want. At this point the possibility of Disney Channel reneging on the cancellation looks grim, but also, we have to consider whether the show's creater, writers, actors, and other staff *want* to return to the network.
> 
> This show has consistently been the number one viewed one on the network, and, the day after cancellation garnered nominations for two awards. Therefore, we the fandom are campaigning strongly for a next forum to pick up the show for a new season (and maybe beyond that) and this is where you come in. Netflix has already taken notice of our interest in them acquiring the show, however, insiders at Disney have given notice that Hulu may be a better option than Netflix as the latter may not be able to continue the show without buying out Disney's rights to it, while the former is partially owned by Disney and thus may be a more feasible option. Freeform is NOT an option in any real way now. So please, let us let our desire for this show to be continued be known.
> 
> This is what you can do.
> 
> 1) For US citizens or those with US payment plans, contact Hulu and let them know of your interest in the show being continued. This can be done via calls or through the website's support system as they only cater to their members. However, ANYONE can email their support address, and you can promise to become a subscriber (if possible) if the show is acquired.
> 
> 2) For non-US citizens like myself, please focus your attention towards Netflix. It may be difficult but they can at least try to acquire the series if they believe it a worthwhile investment. Both members and non-members can request shows to be added to Netflix. You can email, call, or message their customer service team. Also, if you are able and willing let your interest be shown on their Facebook feed. Netflix also tracks legal AND illegal means of watching a show. So, once again like myself, if you live somewhere where you do not have access to the Disney Channel, or do not have a Netflix subscription, continue to watch, continue to torrent, continue to do whatever you have been doing. Netflix tracks this and the more activity seen is the more interest generated on their part. ALSO, watching Seasons 1-2 on Netflix AND simply searching for Girl Meets World on there also helps in the endeavour.
> 
> 3) There are two petitions on Change. Org regarding the matter. One asks for Netflix, Hulu and Freeform to consider taking up the show. The other asks for Disney to give up/sell their rights to the show if they are approached. Sign both if possible and share it.
> 
> 4) There are plans in the work for tweeting events for the next three weeks as each episode airs (please watch still if possible, don't give any of these networks the cause to say that the viewship is too low for them to bother trying to acquire it). Hashtags include #girlmeetsnetflix and #girlmeetshulu.
> 
> 5) No matter what, please be respectful. We are asking for these companies to potentially invest a LOT of money into acquiring and producing Girl Meets World. Therefore focus on the positives, what the show has done for you, on children, teenagers and adults and the impact you think you can still have. Now is not the time for bashing via these mediums.
> 
> 6) And a less friendly approach is to start boycotting Disney. After Girl Meets World ends, stop watching. Unfollow them on their social media and be vocal about why. Disney execs are under the assumption that the backlash from cancelling the show will not be that bad. Let us show them that they are wrong.
> 
> Whether or not you choose to participate in this is up to you, but I am letting you know that we have options, and we can fight this. It may not be a battle we can win, but we will not simply accept this lying down quietly.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Chereche


	29. Chapter 29

"You're still up?" Topanga asked, surprised, as she opened her daughter's bedroom door. She had mostly expected to find Riley asleep having forgotten her bedroom light on. It sometimes happened when she laid down on her bed to read. It was almost ten thirty, so technically Riley was still within her school night lights out limits, but, for all that she had initially celebrated the relaxation of her bedtime and curfew that had come with the start of high school, Riley, for the most part, still followed her former schedule unless Maya was over for the night.

"Yeah," Riley answered, pushing her chair back from her desk.

"Homework?" Topanga asked curiously, noting the strained edge to Riley's tone. Her daughter was handling the increased difficulty that was high school academia pretty well, but her frustration with Spanish still, occasionally, reared its head.

"No I finished that," she told her. "I'm trying to figure out stuff with me."

"Oh? Anything I can help you with?" she offered, moving to sit at the bay window. "What did Cory screw up this time?"

Riley laughed, and got up to join her mother on the seat, cuddling close. "Am I a bad person, mom?"

"What? Of course not," she answered immediately. "Why would you think that?"

"Because I keep hurting my friends," she answered sadly.

"Is this still about the cookie?" Topanga inquired, "because Cory said that was resolved."

"Only because Maya helped," Riley sighed.

"Well sometimes you need help to solve things. That is what family and friends are for."

"I guess," she agreed. "But mom, that doesn't change me hurting them. I hurt Maya again and I didn't even realise it until Zay said it. But when I called Maya to talk about it, she said that everything was fine and that I shouldn't bother about it.

"And you don't think it is?" she prodded carefully. "Maya doesn't usually pull punches when it comes to things like that."

"That was before," Riley answered her, twisting her hands in her lap. "But maybe she just doesn't deal with it. Maybe she's starting to get tired of me, even if she doesn't want to say it."

"What gives you that idea?"

"Because I think I would be if I were her. When Farkle was walking me here he said it seems like I'm doing the same thing over and over again."

"And what's that same thing?"

"Telling her who she is," she answered. "First I told her she was turning into me. Then today I basically said that I think she's evil. I didn't even stop to think if she would mind, far less actually be hurt by it."

"Riley," Topanga sighed, "we are too much alike in some ways."

"What do you mean?" she asked. "Everybody always says I'm like daddy."

"You're more obviously like Cory," Topanga corrected. "But I'm in there too," she teased, poking her chest just above where her heart was. "And just like me when I was your age, sometimes you don't consider the harm what you're doing can cause."

"Like?"

"Like the time I almost got Shawn's pet taken away by Animal Control."

"What?" Riley gasped. "Why would you do that?"

"Wait, let me explain," Topanga begged, taking in her daughter's affronted expression. "It was around the time when Cory and I had made things really official between us as boyfriend and girlfriend. Shawn started to feel neglected and he went and got himself a pig to compensate. He named the thing Cory…or was it Little Cory?" she said, tapping at her cheek thoughtfully. "Regardless, I found the whole thing preposterous. Shawn didn't have the means to care for that pig, and he just wouldn't see reason about it. Cory refused to convince him either way because yeah, the pig could be trouble, but still, it made Shawn happy. I knew I had to do something and since they wouldn't listen to reason, I made the call."

"And they were mad at you?"

"Very mad at me," she replied. "You see Riley, I didn't stop to think about why Shawn wanted that pig. The entire thing just seemed ridiculously stupid but if I had taken a moment to really understand the situation, I'd have realised that Shawn was lonely since Cory and I were spending so much time together. And since Shawn wasn't really the type back then to just admit that, he went and bought himself a pig to love instead. Cory helped me realise what I was doing wrong, sort of like Farkle with you this afternoon. And once I realised why he'd named the pig Cory, well, I had to help save the pig. I couldn't let him feel as if he was losing Cory twice."

"So you stopped it?"

"Yeah, got your Uncle Jon involved and we tricked the guy," she said happily. "So you see, we're not that different after all."

"I guess not," Riley responded thoughtfully. "Things were fine after that?"

"Things were never not fine," Cory said from the door, startling the both of them. Mother and daughter turned to see him leaning casually against the open door in his pyjamas, chewing on a chocolate bar. "That was just a little bump in the road. Hardly worth mentioning in comparison to some of the other things we had to deal with."

"What?" Riley said confused, even as Topanga acknowledged the truth of his words. Sometimes it amazed her how trivial things that had nearly broken them and their friendships apart seemed now that so much time had passed. "You guys were perfect."

"Maybe we spent too much time on the good stories," Topanga told Cory, contorting her mouth guiltily.

"Yeah...good thing we have Auggie," he joked. "Everyone says the first kid is just to experiment on anyway."

"Hey!" Riley protested.

"What are we talking about anyway?" Cory asked, taking a next bite of his treat.

"About Riley and Maya," Topanga responded, giving her husband a knowing look.

Cory exhaled deeply at that, his cheeks puffing out. "What story did you use?"

"Little Cory."

"Ooooh Cory!" he said enthusiastically. "Shawn's planning on swinging by the farm he's on next weekend."

"The pig is still alive?" Riley asked doubtfully.

"Why wouldn't he be?" Cory returned quizzically. "He'll be around long after you, you know. An eternal sign of Shawn and I."

"Oh boy," Topanga muttered. "He's going to go off the deep end when that pig dies."

"Whatcha saying Topi?"

"Absolutely nothing honey," she sing-songed in response, while, beside her, Riley giggled.

"Anyway Riley, did Topanga help?"

"Yeah, she did," Riley answered, and Topanga smiled as she felt Riley press her cheek against her shoulder. "I think I know what I need to do now. I can't just apologise to Maya again. I need to actually show her that I'll respect who she is, no matter what."

"Sweetie I know it's hard," Cory told her. "And I know you've been having a rough time lately with all the changes happening, with yourself, with Maya, with everyone. But trust me when I say it's going to get easier. You just can't fight it okay? It's not like before when Maya showed up herewith a cop. She's not doing anything remotely troublesome."

"Josh aside," Topanga muttered, too soft for her daughter to hear.

"She's doing well in school, she has Shawn and her mom, and she has you guys, like always. She's doing fine Riley. You don't need to worry about her."

"That's hard not to do."

"Yeah, but it's the way to go if you want to keep her," Cory advised. "Riley, I've been there with Shawn. The tighter you hold on, the more you try to impose your thoughts and beliefs onto hers is the more she's going to fight against it, and the more she'll start to resent you. So unless that's the outlook you're looking for honey, you really need to stop."

"I will," Riley said, decisiveness in her tone. "It's just...I don't even realise it sometimes."

"Well you know what you're doing now," Topanga said, patting her knee. "So, for your sake, and Maya's, I hope you can find a way to stop."

*

Josh had given her directions to some small hole in the wall cafe place that was fairly popular among students, except perhaps at nine of a Saturday morning. They were probably all still abed recovering from the parties and other activities that had happened the night before. And so, Josh was easy to spot, seated alone in a far corner of the café. Nodding her head politely at the server behind the counter, she went to him, and saw that he had already ordered for them. Mugs of what she hoped was hot chocolate alongside a plate of pastries was carefully arranged about the table in front of him.

"Hey," she greeted, trying not to let her listlessness show as she slid into her seat.

It was a dour morning, in more than one ways. Resolving the tension between Riley and Zay had been a bit more taxing than she had anticipated. Adding to that was the fact that, strangely, she had found the entire dilemma almost childish in light of what she and Liam had been talking about lately. And yet, hadn't that always been the case? She loved Riley's innocence and her rather unique outlook on life. It had been an escape for her for so long. Watching Riley agonise over problems that barely registered as an issue on her end had always given her a chance to see how 'normal' people lived. But then again, that had been back when she had thought that having two parents was the height of normality. She didn't find it quite as amusing anymore, but, at least, she could see where Riley was maturing a bit as a result of it. That would always be a good thing.

That wasn't the only reason for her listlessness of course. There was the now common crisis of balancing club activities with school work, homework, studying, maintaining her hobbies, managing what essentially was two distinct social lives while still finding time to give individual attention to her mom and Shawn, Riley, and more recently, Shane. It was honestly exhausting in a way she hardly remembered feeling before. She couldn't help but wonder how her fellow schoolmates managed to keep on top of everything and still manage to get copious amounts of sleep. Perhaps that was something to investigate.

"How ya been?" he asked conversationally, pushing the plate towards her.

For want of something to do she bit into one, barely resisting a grimace. As much as she loved cheese paste sandwiches, she didn't quite have the same enthusiasm for tuna. Regardless, she was not one to turn down food (unless Topanga was experimenting) and so, she ate it. Josh mimicked her actions, but, soon enough they were both done with chewing and he was looking at her expectantly for an answer to his initial question.

"It's been a rough week," she admitted, taking a sip of her drink to wash down the paste. Nope, that was not an ideal combination but, oh well.

"What happened?" he asked. "Why didn't you call me? I would have helped."

"Because I don't know what we are anymore," Maya said bluntly, getting directly to the point. Maybe it was because she had had more personal conversations in the past two or so months than she had had in her entire life, but right about now, she was tired of the dance around that happened before getting down to the real matter at hard. And so, she looked at him levelly. "You want to end the long game; it's the only reason you'd want time to think and ask me to do the same. So how about we just get to the point?"

"Maya," Josh sighed, frowning. "You make it sound like I'm trying to get rid of you. Like I want this to happen."

"No," she said firmly, scowling, "don't even try to pin this on Matthews. You wouldn't be here with me like this if some part of you didn't want this to happen."

"I'm not blaming anything on Cory," he defended. "But what he told me makes a lot of sense."

"And what was that?"

Josh didn't answer her question directly, but instead said, "I don't know if I'm good for you Maya, not right now."

That had not exactly been what she had expected to hear. In all the possible scenarios she had thought about in her spare moments over the past few days, none of them had had Josh putting himself at fault. She had expected everything from him bringing up the age difference again, to her being too immature for him, or him just not wanting to risk his family's wrath.

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"Just what I said," he said with some sadness. "Do you remember our conversation in the woods? When you said you were afraid that one day I'd look at you and be shocked that you hadn't moved on?"

"Vaguely," she acknowledged. Too much had happened that day for her to remember more than snippets of certain events, and while she clearly knew how her time spent with Josh had ended, the steps leading up to that were a bit fuzzy.

"Well, the opposite's happened," Josh admitted wryly. "I'm the one who hasn't moved on Maya, and because of that, I'm trying to cling to what you can give me."

"I don't understand," she admitted, leaning back against her chair.

Josh sighed. "College's a lot harder than I've been letting on Maya, even to you. I graduated high school early so I'm the youngest in everything even if I try to hide that fact. There are so many people here who came to the school with friends already. All of mines are still living it up in Philadelphia, and only a couple are even thinking of heading to New York after graduation, and even then, if they do, I'd be a year ahead. It was too much new too fast, but I didn't just want to admit that and hide out at Cory's forever."

"Wow," Maya breathed, a bit surprised. Josh had never been this open about the difficulties of university life before. Sure he complained about his roommate, assignments and early morning classes, but more often than not, he'd always come back and report that he'd gotten great feedback or did great on a test or whatever. It always seemed to balance out. But now...Josh sounded almost lonely. "So that's why you were saying all of that last week," she said musingly.

"Not my brightest moment," he acknowledged, rubbing at his neck sheepishly.

"And I'm a part of that?"

"Sort of," he shrugged. "Maya, I walked into Cory's class for that trip and you know what the one constant was? You. There was a time where Riley's face would light up the room whenever she saw me, but she just...didn't seem to care. But then there was you with your silly little monkey sounds and that smile of yours that's way too cute for your own good."

"So you think I'm cute?" she couldn't help but tease.

"I do recall saying you grew up gorgeous," he retorted, causing her to grin broadly for a moment. "But yes," he continued, growing a bit more serious, "you were the one unchanged element and I wanted to keep that. Don't think that was the only reason though. I also wanted to be around for you a bit more because you seemed so confused, so lost, and I suppose it reminded me of how I felt. Lost. Alone. Uncertain about everyone and everything. So I offered the long game, not really realising that I hoped we'd bring stability to each other's lives."

"But we have, haven't we?" she asked gently. "Josh, you help me so much."

"And you do as well for me," he responded, "even if it's just staying on skype with me while we're both doing our thing."

"So why can't we keep that?"

"Because you're way ahead of me now," he told her, "and that's saying something since I'm in college."

"What do you mean?"

"Maya. You're not still lost. You have new friends. You have your old friends back. You have clubs, and duties, and a family you can call your own now. You even have boys chasing after you. You aren't alone now. You don't need what I'm offering. You may want it, but you don't need it."

"Josh-"

"And that's because you're willing to move forward. You aren't clinging to the past like I am. You aren't running around warning people not to grow up," he added, causing her to chuckle. "Even at the Lodge, you were willing to leave Riley and Lucas - heck all of them - in the past. And while you guys did fix things, you still made sure you kept the life you created for yourself in the interim, and now you have a mesh of the two. What am I doing? I talk to people. I have acquaintances, not friends, because I still think that my real friends are back in high school. I'm spending my time regretting what could have been instead of what I have right now, and me clinging to you is just a part of that.

"Maya, you have the greatest capacity for love that I've ever seen, and sometimes I wonder where you get that from. Maybe it's because your dad left, and you've learnt just how important love is and how to truly value it, but, whatever the reason, I am so grateful to you for sharing that with me. That doesn't change the fact that I don't think this long game is fair to you any longer, or good for me. You need to keep living in the present, without worrying about the past or the future. And I need to start living in the present as well."

Maya leant back, watching but not really seeing him as she considered what he was saying. He sounded so sincere, so fervent in what he was saying, and yet…and yet... She huffed, her shoulders shaking with the movement before she re-focussed on him. "You realise you're hitting me with the it's not you it's me line, right?"

"Maya-"

She scoffed, folding her arms. "Such pretty words from you."

"I mean them Maya."

"You believe you mean them," she replied with a half-smile. "But I know what this really is. What did Matthews tell you huh? That I'm weak? That'd I break if you told me you didn't want anything to do with me any longer?"

"I do want you in my life Maya."

"No you don't," she snapped, and rose, stalking out the café because she was no longer certain she could keep her tone appropriate for the setting.

She didn't expect the conversation to end there, but she had the time to cross the street and head in the general direction of greenery before Josh caught up to her. "Maya," he said, panting slightly, "Please, let's just talk about this."

"About what?" she snapped, not looking at him. "I'll give you credit for the attempt Josh. But you and Matthews aren't that different from Riley, and she I know inside out. You think that making yourself seem pathetic will pacify me. That it wouldn't bother me if you took the onus off me and put it on yourself. But I see through that."

"That's not true Maya."

"Then tell me what Matthews really said," she yelled, frustrated, not caring about the way heads briefly turned in their direction.

"O-okay, I will," Josh said, trying to pacify her, "just calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down," she growled, stalking off again.

Josh kept pace with her until they got to the small park. The air was particularly chilly today, making them the sole residents of it, but Maya wasn't bothered by that. She fell heavily down upon a park bench, her hands still shoved into her jacket pockets. "Talk," she ordered, staring directly ahead. "What did he tell you?"

"That we both will never find who we're meant to be with if we cling on to each other like this," Josh said woodenly. "That you'd never give anyone a serious try with the long game looming above us. That you wouldn't risk upsetting me by going that far with anyone else because you'd think I'd leave."

"I can handle being left," Maya said coldly, still staring ahead. "I've had more than enough practice with it."

"But it's never gotten easier," Josh responded. "I'm not trying to leave you Maya. That's not my intention, but I wasn't lying before. I really do think that you're ahead of me now. And I don't want you to fall because of me."

"Does the future scare you?" she asked, briefly glancing at him.

"Not really," he said after a moment's thought, "no more than anything else."

"It terrifies me," Maya admitted gruffly. "The not-knowing kills me. Like, I'd be fine going through life if I just knew what was to come, good or bad."

"I'm not sure what you're trying to say."

"What I'm saying is that the long game gave me hope," she answered, finally tearing her eyes away from the empty park to look at him. If the way he recoiled slightly was anything to go by, she knew that the welt of emotions she was currently seeing was on open display for him. She did nothing to keep that back. "The long game said that no matter what happened, I had one thing that I was certain about that would happen. I knew that, in three years, maybe four, you and I would give things a go. And yeah, maybe you and I would or wouldn't have dated other people during that time, but at least I'd have had one more thing I could believe in, and now you're taking that from me."

"I'm sure you have other things you can believe in," Josh said, although his voice cracked slightly.

"Not many," she said softly. "You were sort of my constant too you know, Josh. And you're going away now."

"I'm not going anywhere Maya."

"Yeah you are," she rebutted, turning back to stare at the park. "I knew this was coming from the moment I saw your face last week. It's why I didn't bother to think or do anything because I knew your mind was made up. I was just curious to see how the shoe would drop, and now that I've seen that, heard your excuses, I know what I want to do."

"What's that?" Josh asked, and she could hear the wariness in his tone.

May felt an odd calmness settle upon her then. Suddenly, everything was clear and so simple, just like how Liam made it out to be. And so, it was with no regret that she looked at him and said, "I'm not going to let you cut me out Josh."

"Maya-"

"Because," she interrupted, a wry smile forming on her lips, "I'm going to cut you out instead."

*

There were way too many blondes in this part of New York, Lucas thought, as he shifted his gaze away from a teenager with the said hair colour. He sighed, slouching deeper onto the bench he was on as the audio book he had been listening to ended, which said something seeing that he had barely been five minutes into it when he had first sat here. He knew it was stupid, and that there was a chance that he had missed Maya. Maybe she had gone to Riley's, or to a next friend's place that he didn't know the location to. But, what he did know was that Maya and Josh were supposed to talk today - he wasn't sure when or where - but what he did know was that she would definitely, eventually come home. And so he would wait...it wasn't as if he hadn't done it before.

He was a good few chapters into his next book when he sat up straight. He knew it was her immediately, even if her gait was oddly stiff. He knew what that meant; Maya was doing her best to warn off the world from approaching her right about now. He just hoped that things had truly improved between them enough that she would accept his presence right about now.

"Maya!" he called out, even as he hurriedly pulled his ear plugs free, stuffing it and his phone into his pocket.

She froze immediately, and looked to where he was. He was a bit relieved to see that, in the few seconds it took for surprise to register on her face, that he didn't see any hurt or anger on her countenance. "What are you doing here?" she asked, coming over to where he was. "This is way past your stop."

"I was waiting for you."

"What?" she asked, confused. "Why? Did something happen?"

"No, nothing's happened," he reassured before, pausing, suddenly realising just how silly she was likely to find his rationale for being here.

"Then why?"

"Because I knew you were talking to Josh today," he said simply.

Maya blinked for a moment, surprised once more before the emotion bled off her. "You are such a Huckleberry," she said, but there was no teasing or derision in her voice. He was even certain that he had heard an undercurrent of gratitude there.

"This Huckleberry is trying to be a good friend."

She smiled briefly at that before sitting on the bench, he doing the same. At any other station, he would have been a bit self-conscious due to the way Maya sat sideways with her legs crisscrossed so she could see his face, but there was even a guy fully sprawled out on the one next to them, so he seriously doubted that anybody would care about her feet being up like this. And so, he shifted as well so that they could both be comfortable.

"Did it go okay?" he asked.

Maya chuckled, swiping her hand across her nose. "You've never approved of me and Josh from the start," she reminded him gently. "Are you really sure you want to hear about this?"

"It's important to you," he answered. "Besides, someone told me I needed to stop being jealous and reacting badly about the whole thing. This is me trying to do that."

"And if I tell you Josh and I are now an official couple?"

Lucas' fingers clenched at the thought, but he forced himself to relax the grip. "Then I will try to accept that," he answered, although he could tell how stilted the words sounded even to his own ears.

"Don't worry," she said, "that didn't happen. I left Josh."

"Left?" Lucas repeated. "You mean you ended the long game? You Maya? Not Josh?"

"Yes I ended it," she confirmed, running her fingers through her windblown hair. "It was the best recourse."

"Why?" he couldn't help but ask. While he couldn't deny the relief he felt at what she was saying, there was something almost foreboding in the way she had phrased it. The verb "to leave" in all its forms carried different connotations for the girl in front of him. It conveyed a finality that was worrying. For her to say she had done that to Josh... He didn't know how to interpret that.

"Did Riley send you? she asked, eyeing him suspiciously. "I wouldn't tell her anything."

"I'm not here because of Riley," he replied. "Although, why is that?"

"Because I didn't want her influencing me," she explained. "I'll tell her tomorrow. I'm sleeping over anyway."

"That's good," he replied. "So…about Josh…"

"He made excuses," she told him.

"What?"

"He spent a lot of time spinning webs to me," she elaborated, and he could hear the bitterness in her voice as she said it. "If he'd just come out and said that Matthews didn't like it I'd have been okay. If he'd said that he didn't want it anymore, I would have been okay," she continued, although Lucas definitely saw the way she stumbled over those words. She wasn't being entirely truthful with that. He saw the way she had been enamoured with Josh. Maybe it truly hadn't passed the crush stage for her, but those feelings were not something easily forgotten or dismissed. "But he tried to say how what he was doing was for my benefit, played it up as if I was too good for him right now. He was trying to make me see things that didn't exist, play with my mind so I wouldn't be upset and I refuse to stand for that. So I cut him."

Lucas couldn't put together a response to that immediately, because he was struggling to get into Maya's mind set without dragging out more of what was undoubtedly painful to her right about now to the surface. He hadn't come here to satisfy his curiosity about what had happened. If that were the case, he could have easily satisfied himself by waiting until Riley related what she was comfortable with sharing to him. He was here for Maya, and so what had happened wasn't as important to him as much as the rationale behind it and how it had and would affect her.

"Thank you for being honest with me," Maya said suddenly, drawing his focus back to her. "Even if you weren't sure what would happen, if I would even listen to what you had to say, you told me the truth about what you felt the last time we talked like this."

"I owed you that much," he replied softly.

"I know," she returned, "and I appreciate that very much. I've gotten too many excuses already."

"From your dad?" he probed gently.

Her corner of her mouth quirked slightly, but she nodded. He didn't press her on that though and instead said, "I've never lied to you before," he said, "and I don't plan on ever doing so."

"Please don't," she said immediately. "I can take it, no matter what it is. Don't lie to me, don't try to protect me. Just tell me."

"I will," he promised. She met his gaze for one long moment, before nodding gently. He felt as if in that moment he had passed a monumental test, because, whether consciously or not, the last of the tension in Maya bled away. In doing so she shifted, not much, but enough so that one of her legs was touching his. He wasn't sure if she even recognised the point of contact, but he definitely felt it...and liked it.

"I've never lied to you," she said then, "never directly."

"You haven't," he agreed, smiling slightly. "Mainly I suppose because you're bad at it."

"Hey!" she protested, causing him to laugh.

"So instead you yell at me, distract me, or plain ole run whenever you don't want to say what's on your mind."

She pinned him with a calculating look then, as if trying to determine if he were mocking her, but she found no malice there. "I'm working on that," she said gruffly.

"Thank you."

They were quiet for a bit, Maya seemingly lost in her thoughts while he was content with just observing her, letting her come to whatever conclusions she wanted to at her own pace. Eventually though, almost regretfully, Maya looked at him. "I didn't come here straight from Josh," she revealed.

"Oh?" he asked, a bit perplexed by the hesitance in her voice. "Where'd you go?"

"To Shane's dance studio."

Lucas frowned at that, failing to make the connection. Did she think he would be upset that she had gone to someone else first? That couldn't be. She hadn't even known that he had planned to wait for her, and he doubted that she thought that he would be upset on Riley's behalf for Maya not immediately going to her. "I don't quite get what you're saying," he confessed.

Maya started drumming her fingers against her thighs, not quite meeting his stare anymore. "Josh said that he was looming over me. That I'd never commit with him around."

"Commit? To what?"

"To someone" she disclosed, briefly glancing at him. "So I went to see Shane after, and I think it's only fair I tell you."

"Tell me what?" Lucas asked slowly, even though, finally, the connections, one by one started to join together in his head.

"I asked Shane to be my boyfriend," she revealed, meeting his gaze squarely. "He said yes."


	30. Chapter 30

Maya hadn't even realised where her footsteps had brought her until she was standing outside of the dance studio where Shane spent most of his Saturdays. He had only given her a vague idea of where it was once, and yet somehow, she had gotten onto the subway and ended up here. She hadn't even had a place in mind when she had left Josh sitting on the bench, and, as she leant against the wall outside of the building, she wondered what had led her to this spot - to Shane. Why had she done that? Shane didn't even know of Josh's existence, far less about the conversation the two of them had had earlier. He didn't know what Josh had meant for her, and probably wouldn't be able to relate to the kernel of discomfort the whole affair gave her the longer she dwelt upon it. If she wanted to talk about that, or at least get reassurance that what she had done was indeed the right thing, she should have called Liam.

She sighed, and leant her head back against the wall, closing her eyes for a long moment. She was tired, so tired. She really should have just headed home. Maybe she still should. After all, it wasn't as if she had even texted Shane to let him know that she was out here. Why would she? She didn't even know where to start explaining why she had come. Sighing again, she crossed her arms, and forced her eyes open. She should just leave. Except...

"How long have you been standing there?" she asked, looking at Dylan who was leaning casually against the same wall, observing her.

"Long enough to see you change your mind half a dozen times," the senior responded easily. "I spotted you from the window, and since Shane hardly ever stops blabbering about you, I figured you didn't plan on being here."

"I didn't," she admitted.

"You okay?" he asked seriously. "You seem a little off."

"I made a big change today."

"One that's brought you here, huh?" he said, giving her a knowing look.

She huffed slightly, relaxing her stance. In a way, she supposed he was right, even if it hadn't been a conscious decision on her part."You going to tell him I was here if I run away now?"

Dylan shook his head. "I'll keep your secret if you want me too Maya," he promised. "But I don't think it's a good idea. You came here for a reason. Maybe you should follow through on it."

"It isn't that easy."

"It's a lot easier than you're building it up in your head to be," he told her. "Trust me, I've been there. Look I'm going to go get Shane. You don't have to tell him anything you don't want to. For all he'll know, you had an errand to run around here and decided to stop by to say hello. That alone would make his day actually," he added with a bit of a laugh. "You okay with that?"

"I am," she answered, forcing herself to sound a lot more confident than she felt.

She sank back against the wall, stuffing her hands into her pockets for want of something to do. She didn't quite buy in to Dylan's easy confidence about all of this, but, it really was too late to back off now. Her fingers grazed against her phone, and briefly she considered calling Riley. Just the sound of her voice would go a long way in settling the nerves she was experiencing, but, she was pretty certain that Riley had mentioned spending the morning with Lucas since she would be unavailable and she didn't want to interrupt them despite knowing that the brunette would not mind.

She was on her own with this.

The sound of hurried footsteps caused her to look up, her eyebrows lifting as Shane sprinted into view, still stuffing his arms into his jacket. His head whipped around and she stared in confusion as he looked at her with both surprise and relief.

"What's with you?" she asked curiously, as, at a more sedate pace, Shane came to where she stood.

"I thought Dylan might have been pulling my leg," Shane responded.

"And yet you ran?" she couldn't help but point out.

Shane shifted on his feet as he responded. "He said you weren't okay," he admitted. "I didn't want to take the chance."

And suddenly, with that one sheepish admission, Maya received the answers she had been seeking. Shane hadn't even been certain she truly had been out here, and yet he had risked being the butt of one of his brother's jokes on the off-chance that it really was true. It had always been that way with him from the start. Shane had always expressed concern for her, always claimed to care for her, and did so much to show her that. Hardly a day went by without some sort of note from him in class, sometimes genuine questions, but mostly little jokes, compliments or even just smiley faces that broke up the monotony of class. He always took her books from her whenever he was around. He walked her to the train station after practice, or less frequently, joined her and Liam in the art room even though it meant enduring constant barbs from Liam and amused looks from Mr. Jackson who, once, had actually started to hum one of those sappy love songs from the eighties that had brought a brilliant flush to Shane's face, and earned the man a glare from her that he had seemed completely immune to. There had never been any falseness with Shane. She had never had a worry about him. Moreover, he had been so patient with her, never pressing her for a decision either way. He had been waiting for weeks now while she had sorted herself out and decided what it was that she wanted for herself. And, the more she looked at him, the more certain she was that she had finally found the answers she had been seeking now for a while.

"Maya?" Shane said questioningly. "What's wrong?"

"I know what I want," she said simply.

Shane, for his part, didn't seem at all confused by her words. "You've made a decision?" he rightly deduced.

"I think I have a while now," she admitted, straightening from the wall. "I just...I just couldn't see it before now. It's been a rough few weeks Shane, and you've stayed through it all. I doubt that's something a lot of people would do."

"I didn't want to push you."

She nodded at that, a small smile forming at the obvious care and tenderness in his tone. "Do you remember that night I came to see you?"

"I gave you that bracelet," he said with a wistful smile as he tapped at the bracelet on her hand.

"I agreed to homecoming and to or that night."

"You did," he responded, his voice cracking slightly.

"I want that or," she told him, feeling as if a weight had lifted off her frame as the words escaped her.

Shane inhaled sharply at that, his eyes widening as he looked at her. "Maya," he began, his voice tentatively hopeful. "Are you saying...?"

"Am I saying that you're what I want Shane?" she asked. "Yes, I think I am. Be my boyfriend Shane."

He laughed then, a loud incredulous sound that brought a smile to her lips. Waves of relief was pouring off him as he briefly bent and hid his face in his hands before looking at her with an expression so radiantly happy that Maya couldn't help but laugh a bit herself. "So you're just going to leave me hanging or...?"

"Yes, a thousand times yes!" Shane said jubilantly, and Maya squeaked a second later when he reached out, grabbed her by the waist and spun her around once, her arms automatically going about his neck.

She was still chuckling when he settled her back on her feet. Her arms slackened and she moved her hands so that they were lightly resting against his shoulders. He was staring down at her, excitement still reflected in his gaze alongside the beginning of the same earnestness she recalled seeing that day on the stage. She wasn't perturbed by it at all this time, and indeed, found herself wanting what Liam had interrupted the last time they had been close like this. It just...felt right. Her eyes briefly darted from his eyes to his lips and then back up again, a bit inquiring she supposed, before she tiptoed slightly, lifting one hand to the side of his face. Her thumb and index finger - of their own accord - gently stroked at the exposed skin on his neck and just behind his ear, and that was the only signal he seemed to need.

He met her halfway. The first press of his lips to hers didn't feel like much, just regular old contact, and, for a brief second, Maya felt disappointment, wondering if all the hype around kissing had been a lie. But then Shane's lips moved slightly, brushing against hers, and oh, yes, that felt better. After a few seconds, she pulled back, only now realising her eyes had closed. Shane, however, wasn't done. He cupped her face, and they were kissing once again. It was better this time now that their lips weren't just stationary, and when he moved so that her bottom lip was between his two, she felt a gentle tingle run down her spine. She knew that some people described the feeling as being explosive, mind blowing even, and, while it didn't exactly feel like that, she had to admit that she definitely could see the appeal of kissing, and when they broke contact, she found herself looking forward to trying it again.

And so she did.

*

Lucas knew that he had worried his mother over the course of dinner, but he couldn't bring himself to feel too badly about that right about now. He hadn't even been that hungry. If it wasn't for the steadfast rule that dinner had to be eaten at the table, he would have just begged off. Instead, he had played around with the miniscule serving he had given himself, tried but largely failed to participate in the conversations happening around him, and finally, once he had washed the dishes since it was his turn to do so, had squirreled himself away in his bedroom, glad for the privacy it afforded him.

He was having a difficult time wrapping his mind around Maya's revelation. She had a boyfriend now, and it was Crawford of all people. Oh, he knew it would have been ridiculous of him to just have expected her to remain single indefinitely, but, she had seemed so sure previously when she had dismissed - both to him and Riley - the potential for anything serious happening between her and her classmate. Despite that, they had somehow gotten to this point. Lucas knew that part of the reason he felt as if he had been hit by a truck about this entire situation lay in the fact that he had been lulled into a false sense of security where Crawford was concerned. Maya had said that it wasn't serious – Riley had told him that they were just experimenting with dating – and Lucas had accepted that. Dating wasn't that serious of a thing, and besides, as time passed, he had started to believe that Crawford wasn't the one Maya had had feelings for.

Indeed, he was almost embarrassed to admit, even to himself, that, if Maya were to commit to someone, he had honestly expected that it would be Zay. That seemed to be the only likely outcome given how close the two of them had become lately. Zay had always had a soft spot for Maya, even back when he still lived in Texas and only knew her through the stories he regaled him with. And, once he had arrived, Maya's similar disdain for school and quirky sense of humour matched perfectly with his own behaviours, and the two had quickly accepted each other. But lately, Lucas had started to see signs that perhaps things had started to change between them, and he had strongly bought into it.

After all, it was Zay who had read him the riot act regarding his behaviour towards Maya and seemed the most disappointed when she had revealed that Crawford was her date. It had also been Zay who had spoken for all of them (save Riley) by dismantling the ridiculousness that had been the 'long game' between her and Josh. And yet, even as he had done that, Lucas couldn't help but note the way his offer to Maya had sounded quite like an invitation to a date...one that she had agreed to without question. And, it wasn't even as if he had thought Zay's feelings to be one-sided. Maya was the one who often helped herself to whatever it was Zay was eating, and, for all that he was usually protective of his snacks, Zay never complained, and indeed, often left them within easy reach for her. Plus there was the way she teased him a lot more now - something she had almost exclusively reserved for him before - and a few times when walking together, Maya had laced her arm with his with an easy familiarity that had had him arching a brow at them.

However, it was her actions this past week that had cemented in his mind that Maya had set her sights on Zay. Why else would she have done all that she had for him? That definitely, in his opinion, had not been strictly platonic behaviour, especially when she had revealed the bag of cookies. Convincing Zay's grandmother to part with that recipe could not have been an easy task, and yet, in the hopes of making Zay happy once again, she had done it, even if it had meant her being very sleep deprived.

Both of their behaviours, coupled with Zay's recently acquired single status had made it quite obvious in Lucas' mind that their group of six would have soon been neatly divided into three pairs. And now that he had been proven so wrong about the matter, he didn't quite know what his next step could be. He couldn't move past the shocked feeling, and truthfully, he didn't know if he wanted to as that would definitely open an already cracked can of worms that he didn't want to explore. He didn't want to dwell on how...bothered Maya entering a relationship with Crawford made him feel.

Oddly, he had been prepared to accept Maya and Zay. It would have been infinitely better than her and Josh, and at least Zay was someone he knew quite well. With Zay he would have had very little to be concerned about. Crawford though was something else entirely. From the start there was something about him that didn't sit too well with him, and even now, he still couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. On the surface level he seemed fine. Lucas had scoped out his school profile and had found it average. Everything about Crawford seemed to be average. Maybe that was the issue? He couldn't understand why Maya would go for someone who was so blandly normal? Or maybe it was something else entirely that he couldn't quite get. Regardless of the reason, Lucas knew that he was not particularly looking forward to seeing the two of them together, and not only for the fact that Crawford's presence would undoubtedly affect the progress the two of them had made so far. After all, as Maya had plainly put it to him at the train station, she was aware that there was some animosity between the two of them, and while he had tried to downplay it, he knew she had not been convinced.

He would just have to find a way to deal with it all, he thought, screwing his face a bit as he flopped back onto his bed. He didn't like it, and he didn't particularly like Crawford, but he also, as always, wanted Maya to be happy. And so, if she and Crawford being together was what led her to that point, then maybe he would just have to focus on that before anything else, if only for Maya's sake.

*

"Tell me everything!" Riley screeched as she flung over Maya's bedroom door.

Maya jumped slightly at her unexpected presence, and quickly closed the notebook she had been doodling in, tossing it to one side. "I thought I was coming to you?" she asked, even as Riley jumped onto the bed beside her, causing her to bounce slightly.

"Maya," Riley began, pushing her hair off her forehead. "You can't just say you have a boyfriend now and expect me not to come over here."

"Did you even bring your school bag?" Maya asked, amused.

"Oh...that," Riley said, her brows crinkling together briefly. "Mom can pack it and dad can bring it," she said, shrugging. "Anyway, don't distract me. I want the details, all of them and I want them now."

"So demanding you are," Maya clucked, even as she scooted backward so she could rest her back against the wall, laughing when Riley followed her, claiming her lap for a pillow. "What do you want to know?"

"What changed your mind for one," Riley said.

"About dating him?" Maya inquired. Her mouth quirked slightly when Riley nodded. She let out her breath and closed her eyes for a moment as she thought. "I realised he was what I wanted," she said, neatly summarising all of her feelings into that one line. "Besides," she added, reaching down to tug at Riley's nose because she really wasn't in a mood to go too deep into the matter right now, "he's a bit of a looker."

"He's cute," Riley agreed. "And he really likes you. I can tell."

Maya chuckled at that. "I don't think there's a person in the world who doesn't know that he cares," she admitted, recalling the way the glee club's group chat had exploded the day before. Dylan hadn't given them as much privacy as she would have thought, and, while she had to admit having a picture of their first kiss for posterity was nice, it didn't stop her from running into the building to yell at the senior when he shared it with the group. "I just hope I can be a good girlfriend to him."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Riley asked, frowning.

Maya shrugged. "I'm not too good with the whole feelings thing you know."

"You so are," Riley contradicted, sitting up to look at her. "Maya, you've been the one who's coached me on what to do with Lucas all this time."

"Yeah but that's me coaching you," Maya pointed out, twisting her mouth. "It's sort of different when you're the one in the position, you know? Like I know in theory what I should do, but applying it is a completely different matter."

"I guess," Riley agreed after a moment's thought. "You know...I didn't really think of that."

"Think of what?"

"Stuff you have to do when you're someone's girlfriend," she answered, meeting her gaze. "I mean going on dates is a given, but there's other stuff right?"

"You're asking me?" Maya laugh. "Honey, you realise that technically you're the one with more experience in this department right? I should be asking you for advice on what you do with Lucas."

"What do I do with Lucas?" Riley asked, and Maya realised that she wasn't being rhetorical; Riley was actually considering it. "What falls into the realm of girlfriend stuff Maya?"

Maya frowned, and thought about it. "Holding his hand? Playing with his hair? Talking to him about stuff?"

"Well we hold hands sometimes," Riley mused, frowning. "Have you done that with Shane?"

"A few times," she answered, pushing her hair off her face. "We did it a lot yesterday," she added, smiling a bit. "I sort of didn't want to let go."

"Awwww," Riley cooed, holding her hands over her heart. "Tell me more."

Maya ducked her head, feeling a blush heat her face, something that caused Riley to squeal excitedly. "Maya! Did you two...did you two kiss? You did!" she gasped out, bouncing excitedly when, with a groan, Maya hid her face to mask her embarrassment. "Maya that was your first real kiss right? How could you not call me immediately?!"

"I was a bit preoccupied," Maya mumbled, still blushing even though she finally felt comfortable enough to look at her again. "It was...nice," she admitted, nipping at her lip. "I don't really know how to describe it. But I know I liked it."

Riley squealed again, flailing her legs in front of her.

"You are ridiculous," Maya groaned, huffing out a laugh. "Kisses aren't that big of a deal anymore."

"Kisses are so a big deal," Riley rebutted, snuggling close. "It's like the highlight of a special occasion."

"Special occasion?" Maya repeated, confused. "I think I want to do it a bit more often than just special occasions. Or else I'm going to make a lot of things special occasions," she added with a bit of a grin that had Riley gasping in shock. "You are such a child," Maya couldn't help but tease, reaching over to pinch at her side. "You're acting like you and Lucas don't kiss a lot." Riley shrugged slightly, something that caused Maya to arch a brow at her. "Wait, honey, you and the cowboy aren't doing the whole kiss thing?"

"Not really," Riley admitted with another shrug.

"Why?" she asked. "I make sure to give you two plenty of time when we come back from the movies."

"Is that why you always go ahead up?" Riley asked.

"Well yeah," she answered. To her it was the most obvious thing. She didn't think that she'd have to explicitly say that she was giving them the space to make out. "Wait, what do you two do when you're alone? I did tell you that I changed the frequency on the baby monitors right? Matthews isn't going to hear what is or isn't happening in there."

"Oh, so that's why he's always messing with those things," Riley noted, before returning to her former position, smiling when Maya immediately started to run her hands through her hair, gently detangling it. "But...I don't feel like kissing him? Not really?"

"That's...unusual," Maya noted, not sure what else she could say about that. "Lucas doesn't try to?"

A line briefly appeared on Riley's forehead as she thought about it. "He kissed my cheek the other day and said I was adorable," she offered.

"You're always adorable," Maya cooed, trying not to let her thoughts on the matter show. Just like that time when Riley had outlined the 'rules' she and Lucas had set up when they had started to date, Maya couldn't help but feel that there was something off between Riley and Lucas. Yeah she wasn't around as much, and at times she simply assumed that Riley wasn't sharing details of their relationship with her, but if what Riley was saying was anything to go by, maybe there wasn't a lot happening for her to share?

"Maybe you two should go on a solo date?" she advised, thinking that all six of them handing out together probably didn't make for too much of a romantic scenario, even if they did tend to pair off while walking to and fro now that she and Zay had their arrangement in place.

"We haven't done that in a while," Riley agreed, thinking about it. "But what would we talk about? It's easier in a group."

"He's your boyfriend Riley," Maya said, a bit exasperatedly. "You talk to him about whatever you talk about when the two of you are alone."

"Well that's usually you," Riley admitted.

Maya blinked at that but chose not to comment. "Well Maya is officially off the table as a topic," she declared. "Where's your phone?" she asked, and, not questioning it, Riley handed it over.

"Whatcha doing Peaches?" Riley asked, as she put the phone up to her ear.

"Fixing your love life apparently," Maya muttered in response. Lucas answered on the fourth ring. "Hey," he said, sounding slightly distracted and Maya could hear the sound of a video game in the background.

"Cowboy I do not like what I'm hearing."

"Wait, Maya?" Lucas answered, surprised, and the background noise immediately ceased. "I swear I saw Riley's name."

"Her phone doofus," she quipped. "Anyway, don't distract me. You're taking Riley out this Friday, got it?"

"Maya," Riley chastised, causing Maya to drop a hand over her mouth to silence her.

"What's this about?" Lucas asked curiously.

"This is about you two failing miserably," she snapped. "I didn't give Riley to you for a lacklustre romance Huckleberry," she reproved. "So you're going to fix this, understood? You're going to show up at the Matthews on Friday night. You're going to tell her how great she looks in the dress I'm going to put her in and then you two are going out. You're going to hold each other's hands, stare into each other's eyes and talk about all sort of things that's not me, and when she gets back, I better be hearing about a lot more than cheek kisses okay? I'll have my barf bag ready to go."

"Maya are you telling me to take Riley on a date?" Lucas asked, and Maya rolled her eyes at the amusement in his tone.

"I'm telling you that I'm supposed to be the one getting relationship advise from Riley and that can't happen if you two aren't doing your jobs right."

Lucas was silent for a moment. "Oh...this has to do with Crawford?"

"N-no," she stuttered, noting the way that Lucas suddenly sounded less amused. "This is just about me wanting to have a giggle-fest of a sleepover which can't happen if we both don't have stories about boys to tell!"

"Well I'll see what I can do to help on that front," Lucas answered softly.

"Then we have an agreement?" Maya asked, although her voice had lost its previous authoritative edge. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea, she thought, thinking back to Lucas' face after she had told him about Shane yesterday. She knew that Lucas didn't really like him, and maybe she shouldn't have been rubbing this in his face while the entire thing was still so new.

"Yes. Tell Riley I'll be there at seven sharp."

"In your nice shirt."

"I'll even iron my jeans."

"Good boy," she praised, and was a bit gratified when he chuckled at that. "I'll let you get back to your game then," she said softly, finally lifting her hand off Riley's mouth, only to find herself rolling her eyes down at her at the decided pout on her lips.

"Okay. See you in the morning Maya."

"You too," she returned, before hanging up. "See," she forced herself to say loudly, cheerfully. "That wasn't too hard, was it? You and Huckleberry are on for Friday night. I'll take my thanks in a chimichunga tomorrow."

"I'll get you two if you bring Shane to Topanga's," Riley bargained.

"What? Why?" she asked confused.

"What do you mean why?" Riley said, and now it was her turn to look exasperated. "I was willing to excuse it while you two were dating, but he's your boyfriend now Maya," she said, smiling as she said that. "We should get to know him now."

"I...I don't know how good an idea that is," Maya said, recalling the change in Lucas' tone at the mere mention of it.

"I think it's a great idea," she returned pertly. "Besides, it's happening whether you want it to or not. You're not the only one who can steal phones," she finished triumphantly, and it was only then that Maya realised that her phone was indeed in Riley's hand.

"What did you do?" she demanded, making to grab for it.

Riley held it protectively to her chest and rolled away, getting to her feet. "I may or may not have texted Shane and told him that his presence is demanded."

"Riley," Maya snapped, and tossed a pillow at her, throwing a second when Riley managed to dodge it.

"You just don't want us to see you all love happy, but it's no more than we deserve," Riley said, with a self-righteous sniff. "We want to see you in all your forms."

Maya sighed deeply, but decided against arguing because even now her phone was beeping in Riley's hand, and, knowing Shane, it would be him agreeing. After all, they had promised to start getting to know their respective friends' group better. She would just have to hope that everything would go smoothly between Lucas and Shane, because truthfully, she didn't want anything to happen to shake the foundation they had only just managed to rebuild.


	31. Chapter 31

Katy waited until she had restocked the display on the counter with the latest dessert offerings before she finally decided to comment on Topanga's presence. She, of course, had a pretty good idea of why her friend was here on this of all days, but it felt really good to have someone she could good-naturedly tease about things again so she wasn't going to pass up on the opportunity. It was a level of friendship she had not had in a long while, and not for the first time, she was more than a little grateful for the changes in circumstances that had occurred for her in the last year or so. There was a real difference between co-workers and friends, and for far too long she had had too much of the former.

"I'm surprised at how slow things were at the firm on a Monday of all days," she began conversationally, as she poured herself a mug of coffee before taking Topanga's for a refill.

Topanga made a confused sound as she turned toward her. For the past few minutes she had been staring at the corner of the bakery that their children and friends always claimed whenever they were present. Of course, Maya and Shane had yet to arrive, but that was expected seeing that she had club activities today unlike the rest of them.

"I said," Katy repeated, amused, "things were really slow at the firm today."

"Oh they were," Topanga agreed immediately, and Katy found herself hard-pressed not to snicker at the way Topanga's intonation rose as she spoke. She had such a terrible poker face at times.

"Want to tell me the truth," she asked, pausing the sip at her coffee, "or should I just make a guess?"

"It depends on what your guess is," Topanga returned with a hint of suspicion lacing her tone.

"I'm guessing that you're here because Maya's bringing her boyfriend today."

"Everyone's met him except me!" Topanga whined, and this time, Katy did snicker. "What?" she continued defensively, "Cory's always gets to meet everyone. All I've gotten so far is stories and pictures from Homecoming. I want to see for myself if he'll do for Maya."

"If he'll do?" Katy repeated, mildly perplexed.

"You know what I mean," Topanga grumbled. "I know you see it too."

"I do," Katy admitted slowly, following her gaze to where Riley was sitting with Farkle, laughing at something he was showing her while Lucas was lost in an avid conversation with Zay. The pair were always more animated when apart, and while so far, she had been willing to label it as the growing pains of a new relationship, the more time passed, the less likely she was starting to see that as being the case.

"I may have been oblivious about what was happening with them in the beginning," Topanga said, "but I see it loud and clear now. Those kids messed things up badly at the lodge, and they're paying for it now."

"It's hard to watch," she agreed, "and a part of me wonders if her and Shane aren't too soon a thing, but she seems enough about it, so I didn't feel like it was my place to question her too much."

"It's hard to know what to do when they're at this age."

"Especially if they feel you're disapproving of their decision," she said, thinking back to the hell she had given her mother more than once when she had been around Maya's age. So far her daughter was an absolute angel in comparison to how she had acted during her own teenage days. However, in many ways, Maya reminded her of herself, and she had an inkling that, if pressed, Maya would definitely prove how much she was her daughter and that was something she preferred to avoid if possible.

"What would you have told her?" Topanga asked, curious.

"I'd have asked her if she wasn't sure that this wasn't just a reflex action. She went directly to him after Josh. How certain is she that this wasn't just a decision made out of high emotions?"

"Good points," Topanga noted.

"I know she's at the dating age," Katy continued, "and frankly she's starting out a lot later than I did, but I spent so much of my time being Katy Clutterbucket, so and so's girlfriend, wife and then ex-wife that I never had the chance to figure out my place in the world as an individual. I know she's been struggling with that and trying to see how she can best serve her own interests but I can't help but think it'd be easier without the complications of a relationship. She spent all of yesterday asking me how she's supposed to act with Shane because she wants to play the part right, but these aren't really things you learn how to do, you know?"

"I get that," Topanga said thoughtfully. "Although truthfully I'd be so glad if Riley were to ask for tips," she added, chagrined, briefly glancing at her daughter. "Do you see Shane as a rebound?"

"No, not a rebound. I'd give that title to Josh more than anyone else simply because of the whole pre-existing crush thing. She likes Shane and he's a nice enough boy although he's smooth, very smooth. But with two older brothers I think that's only to be expected. You know Topanga," she continued, "I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't come here today with him. Riley sort of backed her into a corner with this and I don't think Maya's fully comfortable with him as yet. She may prefer risking Riley being mad if she thinks that this wouldn't go well."

"I'll talk to Riley if that's the case," Topanga promised. "We've already talked about her needing to just let Maya be, and I'll reinforce that if it comes down to it"

"Riley's a good girl," Katy reassured. "She's just a bit too exuberant at times."

"Cory's fault," Topanga declared. "I just hope that Maya takes things a bit more seriously with Shane than Riley does with Lucas."

"She will," Katy said with conviction. "If things don't work out, it definitely won't be from a lack of trying on her part."

"Who would have thought that of the two of them Maya would find relationships easier?" Topanga mused aloud. "Riley finally got Lucas after all this time and now she scarcely knows what to do with him."

"Give it some time."

"I doubt that'd help," Topanga returned with a sigh. "I'm trying do the same like you though, and let Riley figure this out on her own. It's the best way for them to learn and grow, but boy, is it a hard thing to watch."

"It is," she agreed, before straightening as she caught sight of her daughter's blonde hair as she and Shane came down the stairs. "They're here," she said, a bit surprised if she were truly honest with herself.

Topanga straightened as well, whipping her head around so that she could get a good look at him. "Let's hope this goes well."

"Let's," Katy agreed, as, hand in hand, the new couple entered the bakery.

*

Maya thought that she was doing okay, all things considering, as she guided Shane down the street that led to Topanga's. There were many things she could have done over the course of the day to get them out of this, and yet, ultimately she had done nothing, mostly because she knew that it would be her delaying the inevitable. Her anxiety though continued to rise the closer they got to the bakery, and so, as they reached the top of the stairs to the bakery, Maya stopped them and tugged Shane to one side so other people could pass by unencumbered.

"We really do not have to do this," she told him seriously. "We can just leave right now and they'll never know."

"But I want to hang out with your friends," Shane answered. "We agreed to get to know each other's friends, remember?"

"Yes, so why don't we go start with yours?"

Shane laughed at that before growing serious when he realised that she wasn't kidding around. "What are you so nervous about?"

"I don't want things to go badly."

"But I've talked to them already," he reminded her. "Why would this go bad?"

Maya exhaled loudly, and, with the hand not clasped in his, she tugged at his shirt collar, mostly just to have something to do. "It's just that the last time I was in this sort of situation, it didn't go too well, okay?" she admitted. "I can't deal with that again."

"They didn't like him?"

"Riley and Lucas didn't exactly approve," she hedged, not really wanting to go too deeply into the matter. The last thing she wanted was to stir up old memories. She was nervous enough as is; she didn't want to throw past feelings into the mix on top of that.

"But Riley likes me," Shane pointed out. "I'm Maya's boy!" he said, successfully mimicking the way Riley lilted her voice whenever she said that.

"Yeah well maybe Riley's not exactly who I'm worried about," she muttered, mostly to herself. However, unfortunately, with the close proximity they were in, Shane easily heard her.

"Wait, this is about Friar," he said, a look of dawning realisation on his face.

Maya nodded. "I've only now got him back Shane," she said softly. "I do not want this to go badly."

Shane dropped her hand without giving it the usual gentle squeeze first. The action caused her to look up at him questioningly, only to become startled as she saw that his lips were compressed into a tight line while his eyes were narrowed.

"Shane?"

It took him a few seconds to speak, and when he did, there was a coldness to his tone that Maya had never heard from him before that left her feeling uncomfortable. "He is that important to you?"

She almost took a step back from him, wondering what had brought about this change. She thought back on what she had said, and realised how her words could have been misconstrued. "My friends and I have always been close," she explained, "very close. Lucas is a part of that, so yes, he is important to me. I don't want us to fight because of you. Besides," she added with a small laugh, "it'd be a real tragedy if Riley and I had boyfriends who couldn't at least be friendly with each other, you know?"

Shane stared down at her for a moment, and Maya briefly wondered if she should continue reassuring him. His expression however, largely cleared, and he reached out to stroke her cheek. "You're right," he agreed. "That would be a real tragedy."

Maya relaxed, glad to see him return so quickly to good humour. "Maybe I really am being silly about this," she said. "You're right, nothing bad is going to happen."

"Absolutely nothing," he agreed, and bolstered, Maya felt confident enough to lead him down the stairs.

*

Lucas was painfully aware of how little he was contributing to the conversations happening around him in any significant way. Ever so often he tried to say something, primarily so that no one else would question his silence, but, for the first time ever, he found making conversation with his friends a tedious affair. It was all Crawford's fault. Lucas didn't like him, something strange in itself because he was always at least willing to give anyone he interacted with a chance to prove themselves one way or another and he had barely done so with Crawford. Frankly, he didn't want to. Maybe it was the cold indifferent way he had spoken to him the first time they had met that had irked him, or even how he seemed unable to stop touching Maya in one way or another right now. Whatever it was was preventing him from warming up to the teenager as readily as the rest of them seemed to be doing.

"What kind of class do you have to go to after here?" Zay asked Crawford. "And be warned if you say it's academic I'm taking away half the cool points I've given you so far."

"I wouldn't want that to happen," Crawford returned jovially. "Besides, I'm not that dedicated to school. I have dance practice a few days a week."

"A few?" Maya repeated dubiously. "You're there almost every day."

"I love dancing," he defended, sneering jokingly at her. Lucas turned away as Maya leant towards him to make a silly face in return, something that elicited laughter from everyone save him.

"Zay dances too," Smackle said then, from her spot beside Farkle.

It was the first thing she had said in a while, but, unlike him, Lucas knew that she had a more valid reason for her silence. Crawford was a new presence, an unfamiliar and thus uncomfortable one, and so, while Smackle seemed to be following along with the conversations better than he was, her primary focus lay with Zay's notebooks that she was systematically going through. That in itself was peculiar. They had spent some time deciding how best to adjust their seating arrangement to compensate for a seventh person, and, after a few minutes, Smackle had settled the matter by telling Zay to bring the extra chair beside her and sit there. The fact that it effectively left her sitting in the middle of him and Farkle was noteworthy. After all, Farkle usually served as her barrier and the world, and so for her to deliberately allow Zay near her like this had him questioning just when they had grown so much closer. However, it was not something he wanted to spend too much thing thinking upon at this point in time.

"You do?" Crawford asked Zay, while Maya dislodged the arm he had slung over her shoulders to listen to whatever it was that Riley was whispering to her.

"Ballet," Zay answered.

Lucas zoned out of the conversation again in favour of finishing his sundae. Seriously, he thought darkly as Crawford started to twirl some of Maya's hair around his fingers, could he just not do that for five minutes? It wasn't normal. If he wasn't touching her hair he was hugging her to him. Earlier he had had his hand on her knee and flicked at her nose. It was unpleasant to watch, especially when he ignored cues from Maya that she no longer cared for it, like now when she batted his hand away even as she continued her hushed conversation with Riley.

Maya was never much of a physical person, at least not with anyone else besides Riley. Oh, she had no problem with grabbing clothing or accepting the odd hug from other people here and there, but largely, Maya was a hands off person. It was why it was always so precious whenever she willingly relaxed her barriers to accept any sort of physical display of affection, and while he knew that some level of touching was to be expected from her boyfriend, it was plain to him that Crawford had just about maxed out the quota of what Maya would accept within such a short period of time. As Crawford again started to reach for her hair, Lucas forced himself to look away before he found himself tempted to say something that would definitely be taken badly.

He drifted away into his own thoughts once again, returning to reality only when Riley bounced excitedly on the couch, shaking him. "I didn't know you still had those photos on your phone," Riley was saying, causing him to blink in confusion. Where had the conversation turned to this time?

"Most of them are transferred to my computer now," Maya answered, "but I always leave back a few."

"How old were you guys here?" Crawford asked, resting his chin on her shoulder to see better.

"This was seventh grade," Riley said after a moment. "It was Lucas' first Halloween with us," she added, turning to give him a smile. "We took this picture before gym class."

"Where Maya assaulted me."

"Not my fault sports ain't your thing, Farkle" she said nonchalantly. "Besides, it was Lucas' pitch that actually hit you."

"Oh yeah," he agreed, and turned to scowl at him.

"I helped you," he defended.

"You did," Farkle grudgingly allowed after a moment, "but that doesn't mean I have to like it." His statement caused Lucas to roll his eyes in his direction. Not even Farkle seemed to be immune to bouts of childishness at times.

"You guys basically look the same," Crawford noted. "Some of my friends are unrecognisable now."

"We all just got taller," Maya said.

"And Farkle turned from cute to handsome," Riley added, and they all laughed as Farkle ducked his head, embarrassed.

"I always knew he was a hunk," Smackle said, shooting Riley a smug look.

"Don't say that in front of people," Farkle protested.

"Why? It is the truth."

"Cuz the boy's just about ready to find a hole to hide in," Zay said, watching as Farkle bent his head once again.

Smackle frowned slightly as she looked from Farkle to Zay and back again. "He is…embarrassed?"

"Good job sugar," Zay praised.

Smackle smiled brightly at that, but, as was her style, then stuck her finger in his face and warned him against flirtation. "You too Lucas," she added when he chuckled.

"I'm just watching you," he said, exasperated.

"Still counts," she retorted.

"Yeah Huckleberry," Maya said. "How many times do I have to tell you to get a clue?"

Lucas shot her an entirely unamused look, only to snort and look away when she grinned impishly at him. "You'll have to show me your pictures later," she said then, turning back to Crawford. "I wanna see if your fashion sense has evolved."

"Has yours?"

"More than once," she responded jovially. "Only Huckleberry here hasn't really done much of anything, but I guess that's because he's waiting to see if he's getting any bigger first, huh?"

"I did not get bigger," he returned.

"Oh you didn't?" she shot back with a mischievous look. "So you wearing your shirts open now has nothing to do with the fact that they can't button anymore?"

"They can button."

"He just can't breathe when he does."

"Zay!" he snapped.

"Your arms did grow Lucas," Riley said, reaching over to squeeze at his bicep.

"They did," he agreed, "but she's making it sound like I got chubby! These are muscles."

"My way is more entertaining," Maya quipped.

"Well then," he said, narrowing his eyes at her, "I find it really entertaining that you said that we all got taller, because that certainly ain't the case now is it?" Maya's satisfied smirk faded at that, and it was now his turn to grin triumphantly when as she started to fume but kept quiet. As always, she had no rebuttal for that.

"Let's not incite World War Maya again," Riley pleaded even though Lucas could clearly see that she was barely restraining the urge to laugh.

"Do it," Zaya said with a wicked grin. "Shane, it's a great show."

"Maya you're perfectly fine with your current height," Farkle consoled.

"Can it, string bean," she snapped.

"Hey, he started it," Farkle protested, waving his hand in Lucas' direction. "Don't attack me!"

"Maya picks her battles well," Smackle said. "You are the easier target Farkle."

"Oh I am?" Farkle said, shooting Maya a speaking look. "I seem to recall finding the perfect way to best you a few weeks ago," he finished, pointedly glancing at her nose.

Maya squeaked, a completely endearing sound, Lucas thought as she reached up to hold her nose protectively. "This is your fault," she declared a second later, glaring in his direction.

"You started it."

"I'll finish it," she threatened, leaning forward.

"You really want to take a go at me?" he asked simply, before chuckling when she all but pouted and slumped back into her seat.

His mirth at her expense faded though, when, a moment later, she snuggled into Crawford's side, saying, "You're the only nice one here," and Crawford, in response, kissed her temple before murmuring something he couldn't hear.

That, effectively, killed his cheerful mood, and when, seconds later, his phone started to vibrate, Lucas gratefully stood and excused himself, taking advantage of the reprieve.

*

The problem with talking to children, Lucas thought, especially young ones, was that they tended to get distracted easily, and thus a great deal of patience was required to get through a phone conversation. It didn't help at all that his aunt had basically seen this as an opportunity to grasp a few minutes of freedom, and so, instead of coaching his cousin through the conversation to speed things up a bit, Lucas found himself as an impromptu babysitter until his aunt finally returned to rescue him. He didn't mind too much though; it had definitely gotten him outside of the bakery far longer than he had originally hoped.

Feeling nostalgic, Lucas sourced, and switched his display picture to the six year old before pocketing the phone. He stood then, ready to go back in, only to stop short as Crawford exited the bakery and came to stand in front of him. "Can I help you with something?" Lucas asked, allowing his long engrained politeness to take hold. He had no doubt that Crawford had come out here just to talk to him and had probably been keeping an eye on him through the window. It was the only way he would have gotten the timing down so precisely.

"We need to talk," Crawford answered, without an ounce of the congenial air he had had around him while he had been inside.

Matching him, Lucas dropped any pretense of being polite, and instead just hoped that no one would come out and interrupt them. He had been prepared to just ignore him, but he wasn't one to back down from a challenge and Crawford was trying to make a show of posturing himself, something that a part of Lucas - the deeper, darker part that he forced himself to ignore on most occasions - found to be particularly amusing.

"About Maya I presume."

"Exactly," he said. "I don't like you Friar."

Lucas' mouth twitched at that. "It's sort of a mutual thing."

"Except I have a valid reason to."

"And what's that now?"

"My brothers told me that I should take today to try to get to know you, to see if what I was thinking was wrong. But you confirmed every bit of it."

"Which is?"

"That you're an asshole," Crawford told him, and truthfully, Lucas was caught off guard by the blunt way in which he said it. "I've heard a lot about you Lucas Friar, and hardly any of it was good. You're the guy who strung along a pair of best friends because you couldn't decide who you wanted. You're the guy willing to just throw Maya aside because she wouldn't play nice with you. And you're the guy who has the nerve to flirt with my girlfriend in front of me and your girlfriend, and I'm going to tell you now Friar, I'm not going to put up with it."

"I wasn't flirting with Maya," Lucas answered coolly. "That's always been who we were. And if my own girlfriend wasn't bothered by it, I don't see why you are. Insecure much?"

"Like I said," Crawford added, "you're the one who strung them along. Riley's too smitten with you to see that, but now that Maya's knows you for who you really are, don't think that I'm going to let you get a grip on her again. If you try to take advantage of her again I may just have to go about changing her mind about being your friend."

Lucas laughed at that, a dark, but mirthful sound even as his eyes hardened. "If you think you can make Maya do something like that then you have no idea who she really is," he said firmly. "But you're more than welcome to try. It's one train wreck I would love to see."

"You're still so smug," Crawford said, scowling. "You really don't see that things are different now do you? Maya's not under whatever little spell you had her under. She sees you for what you are. She knows how much you've hurt her, and she's not going to let that go."

"We've moved past that."

"Have you?" he asked. "Because if someone who's supposed to be my friend has me running away from them sobbing I wouldn't be too quick to forgive them."

For the first time since they had started talking, Lucas felt his expression falter. What on earth was Crawford talking about? It took him a few seconds to settle upon a probable occasion, and when it did, his heart lanced. Maya had cried after she had left them in the corridor? He had always been under the impression that she had just stalked away to take out the remnants of her temper on whatever target presented itself.

As if sensing his thoughts, Crawford continued. "I was the one who was there for her Friar, not you. I was the one who held her while she cried. I was the one who had to wait until she sorted out the mess you put her in and decide that I really am a better guy than you. And I am the one she chose because, unlike you, she knows she will never, ever have anything to worry about while I am around. So that's why I'm out here Friar. I am telling you to back off from my girlfriend. She is no longer your concern."

"Maya will always be my concern," Lucas said, his voice just the slightest bit shaky.

"And that right there is why you're an asshole," Crawford declared. "If it were up to you Maya would never date anyone."

"Maya would never date anyone undeserving," Lucas rebutted, trying to take control of the conversation once again, "and right now, I really like what I'm seeing even less than before."

Crawford scoffed at that. "Well that's too bad for you because I have no plans of going anywhere."

"Plans can be broken," Lucas responded, with a smirk.

"I wish Maya could see you like this," Crawford declared. "She's way too forgiving for her own good, but I'm not worried. The more I'm around the easier it'd be for her to see the truth about you. She'll get rid of you soon enough."

"Are you trying to separate her from us again?" Lucas asked. "Because that's the only way I won't be around."

"If it comes to that," Crawford responded darkly. "I don't have any issues with the rest of them, even Riley, because I know that was all your doing."

"You're so wrong about everything," Lucas scoffed.

"You'd like me to believe that, now won't you."

"Maya is my friend," Lucas reiterated, "and you can posture all you want, but we will always care each other. You can never change that."

"I can and I will," he declared. "Maya has me now, and that's all she needs. Whatever it is you think you do for her, I can do a hundred times better. It's why she chose me. So why don't you put your attention on the girlfriend you actually have while she's too stupid to see the truth about you. You could have had Maya, and you chose not to. She is mine now, and I do not plan on letting her go."

"Maya isn't something to be owned," Lucas pointed out darkly, feeling a lick of anger start to curl up within him alongside the rest of his building emotions.

"Says the guy who doesn't have her," Crawford replied smugly.

Lucas found his temper spiking. He didn't like how Crawford was referring to Maya, didn't like the control over her he seemed to think that he had. And, he knew that Maya definitely had not seen this side of his nature before, because there was no way she would put up with it. She had firmly rebuffed him for his own tendency towards jealousy, and that was nowhere on the scale of what Crawford was exhibiting now. But what was worse, he realised, there really was no way for him to say anything about how he was acting, not without receiving dismissive remarks from the rest of them because Crawford had not exhibited an iota of the behaviour he was showing now while he had been in their presence.

It was deception, pure deception, and it was worrying. Lucas knew that he had been far from completely honest when he had first gotten to New York, but he had had no bad intentions behind it. He had just wanted the chance to start afresh in a place where no one had known him or what he had done, and if he had worked hard to push that image forward instead of anything else, could he really be faulted for that? He didn't think so. Crawford though was an entirely different manner. He was dangerous, quite dangerous in a way that Lucas was now only realising. He knew exactly what buttons to push to to make him – albeit briefly – doubtful about his own past with Maya. Lucas had been caught off-guard by it initially, but now he could more clearly see the mechanism at work, and it only increased his wariness towards Crawford that much more. A weaker person would have easily fallen for, or at least started to question themselves based on Crawford's words, and Lucas could only be thankful that he had been perceptive enough to understand and not be taken in by it. But, he had to wonder if it was a tactic that he had also been employing on Maya, and if it was, he truly was worried for his friend.

"Look here," he began, his voice falling into the low, drawling tones that had sent more than one person scurrying away from him in the past. "I think-"

"Everything okay out here?"

Lucas stopped in his tracks at the sound of Mrs. Matthews' voice. Her tone was cheerful enough, but he knew the woman well enough to hear the undercurrent of warning in her voice. He looked past Crawford to see her coming out of the bakery, a basket he knew they used to collect used dishes in her hands. She was alone, thankfully, and none of his friends seemed to be watching from the windows. Nevertheless, he doubted that it was a coincidence that she was out here.

"We're fine Mrs. Matthews," Crawford said, and within seconds, he had fallen back into his regular personality. He slipped his hands into his pockets, and smiled at the woman. "We were just trying to get to know each other a bit better."

Mrs. Matthews didn't seem convinced by what he said, but nodded regardless. "It's been a while though, and Lucas, two years still isn't enough prep time for you against this cold. Katy's made hot chocolate. Go on in and get warmed up."

"In a minute ma'am," he responded, because unlike Crawford, it wasn't as easy for him to snap back into his regular demeanour.

"Then you can help me with this," she said, and walked over, handing him the tray. "Shane sweetie, go on in, okay?"

"Yes, Mrs. Matthews," he answered, and, without looking back at him, re-entered the bakery.

"That was not a friendly conversation," she declared immediately, pinning him with a firm look.

"It wasn't," Lucas confirmed. "I don't like him, Mrs. Matthews."

"Well that I can clearly see."

"I'm not being silly," he said, trying to defend himself.

"I'm not doubting you Lucas," the woman said, surprising him, even as she picked up a plate. "I'm a lawyer remember? My intuition is my greatest asset, and it has rarely led me astray."

"Then you see something too?"

"Katy called him smooth," she told him, "and I can see that. I just don't know the cause behind it," she explained. "It could be that he's just on his best behaviour because he was meeting adults close to his girlfriend, or it could mean that he's an axe murder in training," she joked, offering him a small grin. "But, if I were you, I'd take my intuition into consideration until I've figured out things."

"Has yours ever failed you?" Lucas asked, as he followed behind her with the basket.

"Occasionally," she allowed as she collected another plate. "But it doesn't change the fact that I still always listen to it."

*

Lucas didn't even try to be social with his friends after that, and instead settled at the counter with Mrs. Matthews and Mrs. Hart, allowing them to coax him back into a better mood. If anyone found his location strange they didn't comment on it, and one by one they slowly left to go to their respective homes until it was only him, Mrs. Hart and Maya left. To be honest he hadn't even really noticed when Crawford had left. It was only when a small hand settled on his shoulder and tugged, urging him to turn that he realised that it was now down to the two of them.

He turned, albeit reluctantly because Maya really was too good when it came to him and he knew that she would pick up on his mood. Her expression, already worried, only grew worse when she looked at him.

"I knew this was a bad idea," she said immediately. "What happened out there?"

"You saw?"

"I didn't realise Shane had left at first," she answered. "I was busy with Riley and thought he was in the washroom. But then I saw Mrs. Matthews go outside and realised that you two were out there, and Shane wouldn't tell me what you were talking about, but I know it couldn't have been good. Why were you even out there?"

"My cousin Mary Beth called," he replied. "She's qualified for the Miss Cattle Pageant, junior division."

The worry on Maya's face lifted briefly at that, and Lucas shook his head as he saw the way she was valiantly trying not to crack a joke. "Go ahead," he bid.

"Does she have to lasso something?"

"She does actually," he admitted, before groaning when Maya laughed throatily at that.

"It's sweet that she called you," Maya said, once her mirth was back under control. "Are you going back to Texas for it?"

"I am," he confirmed. "It's been a good while since I've randomly gone back for the weekend, but it'd be a fun trip."

"We didn't really get the chance to meet your family," Maya noted. "Are they all as great as Papi Joe?"

"Well Mary Beth's even better," he said. "Maybe you can come for longer next time. Everyone would love to meet you."

"I should," she agreed, as she started to absent-mindedly play with his collar. "What did Shane tell you?"

"That he doesn't like me," Lucas responded, wishing she had forgotten the original topic, "although, it is mutual."

Maya sighed deeply at that and looked at him sadly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought him here. I won't do it again."

"No," Lucas said firmly, surprising her. "I don't want you to feel like you cannot bring him around us, okay?" He would not make things easy for Crawford by making Maya feel like she was unwelcomed if he was with her. After what he had said, Lucas did not want her to isolate herself again, especially not if that meant being around Crawford more.

"But you don't like him," Maya said, confused. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"I don't care about that," he said honestly. "Don't stay away from us." He reached up and put his hands on her arms, knowing that doing so would catch her attention better than his words could alone. "Maya, I mean it, okay? We are your friends. I am your friend, and I don't ever want you to feel that you can't have a space with us just because of him"

Maya met his gaze slowly, and Lucas saw a contemplative look in her blue eyes. "Why don't you like him?" she asked seriously.

Lucas' breath left him in a rush as he tried to find the best way to word how he was feeling. He didn't want to worry Maya more than he already had, but at the same time he didn't want her to be dismissive of his opinion on the matter. He rubbed her arms for a few seconds as he thought. "I think he feels he's the key to your happiness," he said slowly, "and that as your boyfriend he's number one in your life. I don't like that, especially when you've been in a relationship with him for all of three days."

"He's not though," Maya answered immediately. "Family aside, if I had to rank people's importance in my life, he wouldn't crack the top five spot. Top ten maybe, but definitely not the top five. He isn't going to replace Riley. He isn't going to replace you."

"That's good to hear," Lucas answered, his voice a bit husky at the honest admission. Her words largely soothed the burn Crawford's words caused him earlier. "I'm sorry if I worried you. He sort of cornered me out there, but if I really wanted I could have gotten away."

"I'm just glad you're not angry with me," she admitted vulnerably.

"Not at all," he said reassuringly and got up, forcing her to tilt her head back a bit to continue meeting his gaze. "We're okay. But Maya, can you promise me one thing?"

"Anything."

"Don't hide anything about your relationship with him. Tell everything, if not to me, to your mom, Mr. Hunter, Riley, or Mr. and Mrs. Matthews. Just keep people in the know, okay?"

Maya looked at him, concerned. "Is there something you're not telling me? Should I not be in a relationship with Shane, Lucas?"

"I would never tell you what to do," Lucas responded, "especially in this of all things. But what I will say is that I don't trust him okay? I really don't trust him, and maybe I'm just being ridiculous or reading into things that aren't there, but, until I figure things out, will you please humour me in this?"

After a moment, Maya nodded. "I will."

"Thank you princess," he replied, relieved that she accepted his request so easily.

She smiled softly at that, and he felt a rush of happiness when she leant forward and tucked her head under his chin. She let out a small pleased sound when he pulled her to him for a proper hug and he propped his chin against the top of her head, determined that Crawford would not change a single thing between them.


	32. Chapter 32

"I can't believe you actually took him there," Liam remarked as he slid a new sheet of paper to her seconds after, with a disgusted sigh, she crumpled the one she had been working on.

They had started doing origami now in the club, and, unsurprisingly, Liam had bypassed all the elementary and intermediate options, preferring to jump right in at the deep end. And, of course, it had only taken two jibes from him about her starting off with a bow-tie to bring her to his table demanding that he share his instruction sheet. And now, the next day, they were still at it, trying and failing to create an origami spring. Mr. Jackson had not even bothered to waste his time trying to dissuade them, nor had he commented on their abject failure the day before. Instead, he had left a pile of pages, a separate instruction sheet for Maya, and a note on the board saying that he'd more than likely be back before the lunch period ended.

"Trust me, I regret doing it," she responded. "Shane won't tell me what they spoke about and I really don't want to bring it up with Lucas again."

"Does it really matter?" Liam asked, even as he tapped on her instruction sheet with one finger. "Fold and talk, Blondie."

"So bossy," Maya muttered, even though she listened. "I don't suppose it matters really," she continued, "but Lucas says he doesn't trust him, and if you knew him, you'd know that that's a pretty big deal."

Liam was silent for a moment, before offering, "Should I ask Emily? Shane might have spoken to Dylan."

Maya seriously considered his offer for a moment before shaking her head. "Shane's my boyfriend," she finally said, "I should trust him."

"It's a big part of a relationship," Liam agreed.

"It's just that Lucas was so upset afterwards but Shane seemed completely fine."

"Don't forget that Shane trades school for the theatre every summer," he advised. "If he didn't want you to see that he was upset, you wouldn't have."

"My mom's been trying her hand at acting since before I've been born Liam," she rebutted gently. "I think I can tell when someone's putting up a front."

Liam looked in her direction for a moment before shrugging. "Don't say nobody never told you Blondie."

"Whatever," she muttered in return before finally paying attention to what she was supposed to be doing.

They worked together in silence for the next few minutes. It was conducive; without the bother of communication they were finally able to get the precise folds down. After nearly ten minutes, Maya let out a relieved sigh as she finally conquered the last bit that had thrown her for a loop the day before. Grateful, she put aside the paper, deciding to take a brief break. Bending over like this was tiring; she stretched her hands above her head, releasing a small mewl of pleasure. She froze though as she caught sight of someone staring in at them through the glass panel in the door. He pulled back immediately upon her spotting him and Maya frowned. She didn't think she had ever seen the guy before, and she was pretty certain that she had met the few people Liam considered to be genuine friends. She dismissed it after a moment, deciding that he had probably just been curious about what they were doing. It would not have been the first time that had happened, and so she relaxed and returned to her work.

Thankfully the next few steps were a repeat of the first, and so she completed the next bit without much difficulty. She paused once more, this time to check on Liam's progress, only to freeze when she caught sight of the individual again. This time his attention was firmly on Liam and so she was able to get a briefer, but more detailed look at them before she bent her head so that he would not notice. He was slender, probably more so than Farkle, and his hair was long and hung in limp strands around his face. What was most telling though, she thought, was the definite scowl on his face as he observed Liam, and that was more than enough for her to know that he definitely was not a friend.

Carefully, and so not to alert the guy, she reached out and squeezed Liam's thigh. As expected, Liam turned toward her with a confused expression.

"Don't look," she said softly as she leant in closer to him, "but there's a guy watching you."

She felt Liam tense beneath her hand, but thankfully he didn't whip his head towards the door. Instead, he tilted his head just enough so that he could see from his peripheral vision. He swallowed deeply before meeting her gaze reluctantly. Maya's nostrils flared when she caught sight of the panic in his eyes and, forgetting all about being subtle, she turned and levelled her scariest glare at the guy even as she stood up and stalked to the door.

"Maya don't," Liam began, but she had already reached the door. It took her a few seconds to unlock it. Mr. Jackson always left the keys with them if he were not around and she supposed that Liam had locked it behind him when he had entered the room. That would probably explain why the guy hadn't actually entered the room. That didn't stop her though. She twisted the key and yanked the door open. However, the brief delay had given him a head-start so that, by the time she stepped into the corridor, he had just about turned the corner himself. She didn't bother to follow him – it wouldn't have been worth the effort, and at least now she was certain he would not be coming back. And so, reluctantly, she re-entered the classroom, locking them in again.

"Who is he?" she asked, as she leant back against the door, taking a deep breath to calm herself.

"His name is Zander," he responded slowly as he stood and walked to the sink. Opening the pipe he splashed his face with water before taking a second handful and running it through his hair. "He used to be a friend."

"Which kind of friend?" she asked as she walked back to the table and sat.

Liam turned and stared at her for one long moment before gruffly saying, "The one who asked me to meet him by the locker rooms," he revealed.

Maya hissed and felt immediate regret for not going after him. "What does he want with you now?" she asked, her tone taking on an icy edge.

"I don't know," he said.

"Liam."

"I'm serious," he said, slapping his hand down against the counter. "He hasn't had a thing to do with me since then. I don't know why he was here."

"Yeah, not exactly the answer I was looking for," she said before reaching into her back pocket for her phone.

"What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Calling Emily," she responded, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"No!" he half-shouted as he hurried to where she was and snatched the phone from her hand.

"Give me that," she demanded.

"We aren't going to tell her anything."

"Are you crazy?" she hissed. "Liam that guy helped get you beat up, didn't he?"

His eyes widened at her words. "Who told you?"

"Yeah well I doubt he led you there for a tea-party" she deadpanned. "Now give me the phone. We need help."

"No!" he said again, "we aren't going to do a damn thing about anything. Nothing happened."

"Only because the door was locked," she pointed out.

"Nothing would have happened anyway."

"We don't know that."

"Maya," he said firmly, "we are not going to tell anyone about this."

"Liam, you need help."

"What I need is for people to stop telling me what I need," he full out yelled and Maya froze. She had never seen him this angry before. After a second he shook his head. "Look Maya I'm sorry I yelled," he apologised, "but just…leave this alone okay? Nothing happened and nothing's going to happen. You promised me you wouldn't tell anyone."

"That was back when I thought this was a one-time thing," she responded.

"This has nothing to do with that," he said.

"We don't know that."

"Well I say it is," he said firmly. "For all we know he was just looking in at us."

"He wasn't -" she began, only to be cut off by him.

"You promised," he repeated.

Maya sighed deeply at that and placed her hands on her hips as she thought things through quickly. Listening to Liam would be crazy. She hadn't wanted to do so in the first place, and even less so now. However, she had promised him that she would keep his secret, and while she had not expected it to transfer over to other incidents, she knew that he would hold her accountable if she failed to keep the promise. She could possibly lose him over this if he was not pleased with her response in this moment. That was not something she wanted.

A knock from behind her startled the both of them if the way Liam flinched was anything to go by. She spun around, but breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Mr. Jackson standing there.

"Don't tell him," Liam said, and this time his voice was more pleading than anything else.

She turned back from the teacher and swallowed deeply as she looked at him. "This is the last time," she said gruffly, even as the teacher knocked again.

"There won't be a next time," he assured her, and she nodded, accepting that, before turning to let the man in.

*

"Do you have to get home now?" Shane asked as they walked out of the choir room.

"I'm heading to Topanga's actually," she answered as she adjusted her bag into a better position. "Why?"

Shane didn't answer immediately, and she reached out and grabbed onto his hand to stop him. "What is it?"

"It's nothing," he sighed, shaking his head. "Don't worry about it."

"It's not nothing," she rebutted, squeezing down on his fingers. "Tell me."

"Today's Thursday Maya," he said, "and I feel like I've hardly saw you at all this week."

"You've seen me."

"Other than Monday afternoon I've only seen you in class and show choir," he returned. "You've been spending every spare moment with Liam and you've barely been responding to my messages."

It was Maya's turn to sigh now. "I'm sorry," she offered. "I've just been really busy."

"I know," he responded. "Liam has you working on that silly spiral thing all the time and when you're not doing homework, you're painting."

"It's due in a week," she explained, "and I'm a lot further behind than I'd like. It's my own fault. It didn't need to be this elaborate but I'm in too far now to quit and it's half my grade for this semester and I don't want Mr. J to feel like I'm taking advantage of his kindness if I ask for an extension."

"Hey, it's okay," Shane said, as he moved his hand so that their fingers were now interlaced. "I'm sorry. I'm not accusing you of anything. I just…miss you okay?"

"I know," she responded, rubbing her thumb against his. "I'm not doing this right, am I?"

"Doing what right?"

"The whole girlfriend thing. It didn't even occur to me that you'd be feeling this way. We haven't really had any time for just the two of us this week."

"Hey, don't say that," he bid, and leant down to kiss her cheek. "You've been doing the girlfriend thing great."

"Not great," she contradicted, feeling guilty that she truly hadn't given much thought to Shane outside of what had gone down between him and Lucas. She wanted to make up for it. "I have plans for tomorrow," she said, "but how about we go on a date Saturday night?"

"What are you doing tomorrow night?" he asked, and she felt his fingers tighten down slightly.

"Prepping Riley for her date with Lucas before heading home," she answered with a soft smile. "Shawn's back for the next week and we're going to try this whole family night thing."

"Sounds like fun," he responded, as his grip relaxed once again. "Saturday sounds great. Movie?"

"Your choice," she agreed. "Also, why don't you set something up with your friends for next week? I want to know them better."

"You do?" he asked, before smiling broadly when she nodded. He bent his head again, but she turned her head slightly so that they were actually kissing this time, raising up her free hand to run her fingers down his cheek before she finally pulled back. "Let's go."

"Okay," he agreed. "Let's get you to your friends."

"No," she corrected, swinging their joined hands lightly, "Let's go do something fun until your curfew."

*

"This is both unnecessary and ridiculous," Liam said immediately as he walked out the Physics lab to find her standing right across from it, waiting for him.

"This is neither," she responded as she straightened and started to walk after him down the corridor. "This is me making sure you're safe."

"So basically I've just traded Emily for you as a babysitter," he snapped, turning to glare at her.

"You can take this whichever way you want to," she returned, not at all bothered by his annoyance, "but I'm not going to stop until I'm sure you're safe again."

"Then this should have ended two days ago," he said, "because I am absolutely safe."

"Safe by my summation," she declared as they reached the main hallway and she tugged at his shirt to guide him to a free bench.

"You can't do this every day."

"You're not going to stop me."

"Yeah well your boyfriend's been complaining about you monopolising your time," he revealed. "If you won't spend lunch with him at least go find him in the breaks."

Maya sighed at the reminder of her conversation with Shane yesterday but shot him a reassuring look nonetheless. "We talked about it yesterday," she told him. "We're good now, so don't worry about it."

"Yeah well you can at least give the boy one or two lunch dates."

"He knows where he can find me," she responded seriously. "I'm not leaving you."

To Liam's credit, he didn't react beyond lowering his head for one long moment before looking back up at her with a faint smile. "I made a good choice in you, didn't I?"

"I'd say you did," she murmured, jabbing him lightly with her elbow.

"Are you still coming over tomorrow?" he asked then.

"Definitely," she agreed. "You really have to show me what's so interesting about Doctor Who. Besides, you've hidden Alex from me long enough."

"He's looking forward to meeting you too," he replied. "Although remember-"

"I won't say anything to him either," she reassured, gently cutting him off. "Although I'll have to leave earlier than planned. I set up a date with Shane."

"Did you forget we live on the same block?" Liam said. "Boy you really are a blonde."

"Oh shut up."

"Just bring whatever you need with you," he continued, "and tell Shane to come over. Emily will love to make you all extra pretty."

"I will," she agreed, because that really did simplify things. "Do you and Alex have plans or are you just going to turn into bunnies after I'm gone?"

Liam mock gasped and put his hand over his heart. "Why, I never!"

"Oh come off it," she laughed. "I remember how cheerful you were after Homecoming."

"That was a good night," he agreed, briefly smirking.

"Eww."

"Eww right back at you."

"Hey Maya?"

Zay's voice drew their attention to him. Maya sat up a bit straighter at the odd note to his voice.

"What's up?" she asked when he reached them.

"Do you know that guy?" he asked without preamble, jerking his thumb to the left. "He's been staring at you."

Maya looked in the direction and stiffened as she saw him. It was the same guy, Zander. But, much like yesterday, as soon as he realised that he had been seen, he turned and hurried away. She dug her fingers into her palm before turning and shooting Liam a pointed look.

"That was nothing," he said immediately.

"Does that look like nothing to you?" she returned, the last of her good humour fading away. "Liam-"

"No Maya."

"I take it the weird dude's your problem," Zay said conversationally as he rocked back and forth on the spot.

"He isn't a problem," Liam replied crossly. "And which one are you anyway? Zay or Farkle?"

"Trust me dude, I've been there. I know trouble when I see it, and trouble he is," Zay answered, his tone serious. "And I'm Zay Babineaux," he finished, offering his hand to Liam to shake. "It's nice to finally meet you. Maya's done a good job of hiding you away."

"Not good enough apparently," Maya muttered darkly turning to glance down the corridor again.

"Who is he, anyway?" Zay asked, following her gaze.

"That doesn't matter," Liam said firmly.

"You're trying not to stir things up again," Zay told him, and Maya turned her attention back to him, surprised by the surety in his tone. "You think that by doing nothing it'll just go away."

"Why do you say that?" Liam responded, stiffening.

"Been there, done that," Zay said, stuffing his hands into his back pockets. "It didn't work."

"You've been bullied before?" Liam inquired.

Maya though, simply stared at Zay, mildly stunned by what he was saying. It wasn't as if she hadn't known about it. After all, Lucas had had to save Zay from being beaten up during his first few days with them and his impassioned words had implied that that was far from the first time that had happened. However, neither of them had ever brought it up in a significant way past that, and she had never really thought to ask about it.

"I was," Zay confirmed. "There were a couple of kids back in Texas who didn't appreciate having minorities around them and they made that known in varying ways."

"I'm sorry man," Liam responded, and Maya heard a sincerity in his voice saying that that she had spent weeks cultivating from him. "How'd you handle it?"

"Well moving two thousand miles away sort of helped," he joked. "But it died down towards the end anyway. Having a best friend who put away two of them for a few weeks sort of sends a message loud and clear that you're not to be messed with again."

"Sounds like a nice friend to have," Liam replied softly, even as Maya's mind raced to process the new information. She wasn't even certain that Zay fully realised what he had revealed in that moment, not only about himself but about Lucas, but she knew that now was not the time to comment on it. Instead, she found herself filing the information about Lucas away in favour of focusing on just how much hurt and pain Zay hid behind his usual cheerful demeanour. Now was one of the few times she had ever seen him without his trademark grin and while she had the strong urge to stand and comfort him, she knew that that was not precisely what he needed right now.

"Yeah well him helping me didn't really do him much favour," Zay answered, rubbing at the back of his neck. "But since it eventually got us both here to New York, I suppose the trade-off wasn't too bad."

"Wait," Liam said, frowning as he turned to her. "He's talking about Lucas?"

Maya nodded, and watched in confusion as a flurry of emotions flitted across Liam's face. "What is it?" she asked.

"I...I didn't really expect anything good from him," he admitted slowly, and she could see that he was reassessing his perspective on him.

"I've told you that he's not a bad person," she reminded him. "Neither is Riley."

"You don't like them?" Zay asked, surprised.

"You've got to remember what was going on when Liam and I started talking," Maya told him. "He's still not too trusting of them because of it."

Zay twisted his mouth for a second before nodding. "I suppose it wasn't too flattering an introduction," he allowed, "but if it helps, they're good people, if a bit misguided at times."

"Like everyone else," Maya reinforced gently.

Liam sighed, but nodded finally. "Maybe I can give them a chance." he said.

"Good," she returned simply, before scooting aside to make space for him.

Zay sat down in the middle of them, and within seconds he and Liam were talking. She left them be, and settled for just resting her head against her friend's shoulder for the remainder of the break. She would not have thought that anything good could have come up from that weirdo Zander spying on them, but, if it brought her two separate worlds just a little bit closer together, she was not about to complain.

*

The only reason Maya had not given into her urge to tap Riley upside the head was that she had spent the last ten minutes carefully arranging her hair into an artfully messy side bun. And so, instead, she forced herself to be patient as she said, for the third time. "Hold still Riley or else I'm going to start all over again."

"How am I supposed to keep my eyelids still?" Riley complained.

"By not talking and not moving your eyes," she responded as she bent over and carefully ran the pencil just above her eyelashes. "There," she said in relief as she finally reached the end of her eye, "we're done."

"Oooh, let me see," Riley said and batted Maya aside so she could examine herself in the mirror. "My eyes look huge!" she gasped. "Thanks Maya."

"You're welcome, honey," she answered even as she reached for a tube of tinted lip gloss. "Now get back here so I can put this on you."

"You're so good at this," Riley said as she tilted her head up to give Maya better access to her mouth.

"There isn't much difference between a sketchpad and a face I guess," she responded as she added a bit more of the shimmery gloss to Riley's lower lip in the hopes that it would last through whatever food she decided to eat. She had already warned Riley against eating anything oily which would speed up the degeneration of the make-up, but it was one of those things that she was positive had gone into one ear and right back out the other. "There," she said as she stepped back and took in her appearance as a whole. "You look beautiful Riley," she told her sincerely, chucking her under the chin. "Lucas won't know what hit him."

Riley let out an embarrassed giggle at that before she reached for the sandals Maya had put out for her. "I just don't get why you won't come too," she said, bending over to put them on. "Shane would probably say yes if you call him now."

"No," Maya answered as she staved off the urge to shudder at the thought of having Shane and Lucas together again, this time without the buffer of many people to keep their attentions off each other. Oh, she could imagine how it would go. Riley would be as oblivious as ever, trying her best to foster conversation among all of them. Lucas and Shane would be too polite to hurt Riley's feelings and so would try to force themselves to get along for her sake while she would spend her time trying to diffuse the situation further, and in doing so end up overly stressed by the end of the date.

"It would be fun."

Maya let out her breath, not wanting to get into that matter at all. As far as Riley was concerned, Monday afternoon had been a great success, and, she wanted to keep it that way. "Tonight is about you and Lucas," Maya said instead as she dropped down onto the bed, leaning back on her hands. "Whatever funk you two are in needs to get sorted out."

"We're not in a funk," Riley protested, as she briefly looked up. "We're fine."

"Sure you are," Maya intoned, wrinkling her nose at her. "You just haven't kissed your boyfriend in…how long now? Days? Weeks?"

"What sort of kiss are you talking about?" she returned a bit wryly as she sat up.

"You know which kind," she said playfully.

"Well…make that years," she responded reluctantly.

"What?" Maya asked, astounded. "Honey, you've been together since the lodge. Have you really never…?"

"No," Riley admitted, twisting her mouth back and forth.

"Riley I don't understand," Maya told her honestly, sitting up straight.

"I don't know either," Riley responded with a helpless shrug. "What I do know is that I'd be a lot more comfortable if tonight was just our usual group thing."

Maya's mind flashed to those said nights. Even though she had only been to a few of them lately, she could well attest to how normal and at ease Riley and Lucas seemed to be during them. They would laugh with each other, Riley would casually drape over him at times to converse with her or Farkle, and whenever Lucas put his arm around her, Riley would give him a happy smile and lean in closer, sometimes reaching up to tangle her fingers with his. She just couldn't quite see how Riley could be so happy with him during those moments and now seemed to almost dread the idea of being alone with him now.

"It's not that I don't enjoy being with him," Riley said then, as if reading her thoughts, "it just seems different now…a weird different."

"I don't get it," Maya admitted. "He's your boyfriend Riles. I don't see why you wouldn't want to be alone with him. To do romantic things with him."

"I don't get it either," Riley said with a sigh as she got up and started pacing the floor. "Dating Lucas has always been a dream of mines."

"I remember," Maya said. They had spent many a day sitting right here talking about it, how cute Lucas was, how great a person he was, and how perfect they would be together when the time was right. And now, here they were, having made that dream a reality, and yet Riley didn't seem too happy. "I remember how happy excited you were when he first asked you out, how much time you spent choosing your outfit and getting your mom to fix your hair for that first date."

"That was so long ago Maya," Riley responded. "Things have changed. I don't know why, but they just have."

Maya stood then, moving from the bed to the bay window as she tried to process what Riley was saying, trying to get into her friend's mind and decipher the truth from what she was saying. Finally, she settled on an answer, one that had her reaching up to rub at her temple in agitation knowing that she should not voice that thought.

"What is it?" Riley asked. "What are you thinking, Maya?"

"You don't want to know, honey," she responded, before petting the cushion beside her for her to sit.

"Tell me," Riley bid, putting her hand over hers once she did. "Complete honesty, remember?"

"I do," Maya said, before deciding to just be blunt. "Do you like like Lucas?"

Riley inhaled sharply at her question, before letting out a startled laugh. "What kind of silly question is that?" she asked, still chuckling. "Of course I like Lucas."

"I had to ask," Maya said with a small shrug.

Riley, still chuckling, squeezed down on her hand. "Thanks honey. That's just the kind of question I needed to show me how silly I'm being."

Maya raised an eyebrow at that, but said nothing. If Riley wanted to believe that the question was made to serve as a wake-up call, then she was free to do so.

"You're right Maya," she continued, "maybe we are in a funk. It's just been too long."

"Which is why I put this together in the first place," Maya said with a triumphant smirk. "You've just been out of the game too long kid, spent too much time doing friend things with him and not boyfriend girlfriend things. This is exactly what you need to do to get things right back on track. You'll thank me later."

"I don't know what I would do without you."

"Nothing fun," Maya quipped. "Now, if everything's good now, I'll be taking my leave."

"Wait, what?" Riley whined. "Lucas isn't here yet. Why are you going?"

"Because this is a couple's only night," she reminded her with a small smile. "The only teenage girl Huckleberry is going to see in all her glory tonight is you and your gorgeous face."

"Maya," Riley giggled, looking away. "You do so much for me, you know?" she said then. "We went through all that with the triangle, and yet here you are prepping me for my date with Lucas. I wasn't sure what would come after the lodge Maya – for all of us – but look at us now. We're fine. We're all fine. Lucas and I are together, and you have Shane. Maya, I've never thanked you for that, so let me say it now. Thank you for realising that you don't like Lucas the way I do. And thank you for letting him go."

Maya pulled her hand free abruptly and stood. "I didn't choose a jacket for you," she said gruffly as she headed toward her closet.

"Maya?" Riley called after her. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

Maya didn't respond until she had Riley's scarlet jacket in her hand. "Riley, do me a favour?" she asked, as she started to pick off a few pieces of lint from the jacket.

"Anything."

"Don't bring the triangle up again?" she requested, turning to glance at her.

"Why?"

"Because it's in the past," Maya settled on saying. "I have Shane now, and I like him very much. So I rather not talk or even think about that okay? It wasn't the easiest time for me, for any of us," she amended as her mind threw up images of that time. Of the dread filled hope she had lived with for all those weeks, all those months as she wondered if she would be good enough for Lucas, if she could even hope to compare to Riley in any real, significant way. That had all come crashing down upon her, and even though she now knew that she had…misinterpreted Lucas' words, that, in a way, only made things worse in a manner she really did not want to dwell upon. To do so brought up uncomfortable feelings that she rather not deal with, and so, nipping this in the bud completely seemed to be the best way to go.

"You're right," Riley agreed after a moment. "We're both happy now, and that's all that really matters."

"Exactly," she replied, tossing the jacket at her even as they heard the muted sound of the doorbell ringing. "That would be him," she said, smiling. "Up and at em Riles. Time for you to go get stories for me to hear."

"Only if you share yours," Riley shot back as she shrugged the jacket on.

"You know I will," Maya promised. "Go on, don't keep the cowboy waiting."

"Okay," Riley chuckled and walked to the door. Maya sat down on the bed and watched as she stepped out the room. A second later though, Riley popped her head back in. "Peaches?"

"Honey?"

"I love you."

"I love you too," she intoned, smiling as Riley, finally, closed the door.


	33. Chapter 33

"Honey, I'm home," Maya hollered jovially as she closed the door to the apartment. "Is that lasagna I smell?" she added as she kicked off her shoes. There wasn't a rule against it in their house, but, after the week she had had, she just wanted to be as comfortable as possible.

"Didn't Cory and Topanga feed you?" Shawn asked as she walked into the living room, tossing her jacket in the general vicinity of the arm chair.

"They did," she responded, as she dropped down onto the couch behind him, "but I've got plenty of room for lasagna," she finished, raising her voice so it would travel to the kitchen.

"Ten minutes," her mother called back. "I swear I have no idea where you're putting all this food away."

"Apparently dancing counts as exercise," she quipped before poking at Shawn's stomach. "What are you doing to fight the pudge?"

"Hey that's all fabric," Shawn protested, batting her finger away. "This sweater's just big on me."

"Thought we had gotten you out of the Captain Feeny clothing."

"It's actually quite comfortable," he responded, "I couldn't bring myself to get rid of all of it."

"Yeah well I hear you there," she agreed, thinking back to the clothes that she still had in storage. They were mainly the stuff more appropriate for spring and early summer, but at least they had not been in her room while she had facilitated Riley's desire to change her back into who she used to be. Maybe, just maybe, she would have to bring some of them back out. It wasn't as if she had changed that much physically since they had first been bought - at least she didn't think so – so they should still fit fine. "What's this?" she asked as she spotted several magazines scattered on the coffee table in front of them, "are we actually, finally getting around to wedding planning?"

"We are," her mother confirmed as she leant in the doorway to the kitchen. "Shawn made a cake for dessert."

"You bake?" Maya asked him, the beginning of a mischievous grin forming on her face.

"You tell Cory and no-one will ever find your body," he warned, scowling at her.

"You know I always pegged Matthews as being the house-husband," she teased, before scrambling away from him as he reached for her, growling.

"Be nice children," her mother called, tossing the dish-cloth she had had on her shoulder at them.

"Can't make us," Maya sing-songed while Shawn turned to grin at his fiancée. "Is it cool enough for the frosting yet?"

"We don't need to frost it," she said. "Just slather some on to the slice and call it a day."

"That way we get to choose the amount we want."

"Ah, good philosophy," he remarked. "What other tricks do you gals have for me?"

"Us gals never give up all our secrets at once," Katy answered, winking at him while she beckoned Maya over, wrapping her arm around her. "I hope you're taking notes baby girl."

"Got it all right here," she answered, tapping her temple.

"Good. Now enough rabble-rousing you two," she said, brushing a kiss to Maya's temple, "dinner's ready and unlike you baby girl, some of us haven't eaten yet. Go put out the plates, please."

"Yes mom," Maya agreed, sticking out her tongue at Shawn before heading into the kitchen.

Dinner was a boisterous and enjoyable affair, and like always Maya both marvelled at the fact that she now had this family dynamic for herself while feeling hints of sadness and regret that she had gone so long without it. Of course she had had good times countless times at the Matthews' place, but it just wasn't the same as having her own two parents here to laugh and tease, and listen to the events of their day, and in Shawn's case weeks. She was loathe for the meal to end, but finally all that could be consumed was, and they agreed that they could have the cake in the living room.

"So, what have you guys decided so far?" she asked, as she wriggled down in between the two of them.

"Nothing really," her mother responded. "I only just picked up the magazines today and we spent most of our time laughing at the dresses," she said, smiling at Shawn.

"Feathers are all the rage apparently," he returned around a mouthful of cake, "I still think you should choose one of them."

"Like hell I would," she laughed.

"Fine, we'll put the birds on the bridesmaids," he grinned scrounging his nose at her.

"You can sure try," Maya intoned, punching his chest playfully with her free hand. "Have you at least settled on a season?"

"We're thinking late spring," Shawn answered, while scooping some of his frosting onto Maya's plate. "My contract's up for renewal around that time, so might as well change everything up."

"Have you started to talk to Tony about altering it?"

"I've mentioned it," he confirmed. "He says we'll talk more about it closer to the time but he'll be good for it. There's no worry there."

"What are we talking about?" Maya asked, licking frosting off her fork.

"I want to change my job description a bit," Shawn explained. "Being a travel reporter's been great and all for the past few years, but now I've got a reason to put down some roots, and I think that starts with me not just being here one, maybe two weeks out of the month."

Maya's eyes widened slightly at that, and she turned to look at him. "You like travelling though. You really going to give that up?"

"Well I won't be giving it up entirely," he returned. "I'm just thinking that any trips that last more than two or three days can happen say during the Christmas break or spring break or in the summer, when I'd have a blonde or two to carry my bags and set up my tripods. I really never liked doing that part."

Maya squealed excitedly at that, while, behind her, her mother smiled fondly at her future husband, who gave her an amused look in response even as he ran his free hand over Maya's hair. "I take it you like that plan?"

"I love that plan," she corrected with a grin. "If this Tony guy gives you trouble you call me and I'll deal with him, you hear?"

"I will," he laughed. "Now finish that cake, kiddo before it ends up all over the couch."

"Like I wouldn't eat it anyway," she scoffed. "I can chew and listen. Tell me what else you guys have been doing."

"Well we started to come up with our guest list," Shawn remarked.

"Which only proved that we know woefully few people and barely care about most of them."

Maya snorted at that but said, "That's the best way. Less people means you aren't stretched too thin."

"Wise words," Shawn agreed, "but when between the two of us we can't even scrounge up fifteen names then maybe we need to reassess how social we should be."

"Well just call it an intimate affair and be done with it," Maya suggested with a nonchalant shrug.

"You just want to know when you can start designing the invitations," Katy teased.

"Guilty," she admitted, polishing off the last of her cake and stood, collecting their empty plates. "Let's at least settle on a colour scheme," she added as she headed into the kitchen.

"Pastels!" her mother declared instantly.

Maya shook her head ruefully as she headed into the kitchen. She was pretty certain that she'd end up in a pink dress by the end of all of this, but somehow she doubted that she would complain.

*

Riley bent her head to hide her sigh as she and Lucas waited for the light to change so they could cross. At this rate Maya would be disappointed with her. Everything had gone great at first. Lucas had chosen a comedy that seemed too silly at first but surprisingly had pulled it together for a satisfying conclusion. They'd stayed in the theatre after the credits rolled until the ushers had kicked them out, and even then, far from embarrassed, they had left snickering loudly until they had emerged in the streets. Talking about the movie had taken them to an ice-cream stop where Lucas suggested that they split a sundae, and that's when it all got awkward once again. Conversation faltered, and suddenly the movie didn't seem quite as funny anymore and they'd ended up just finishing the sundae in near silence, although Riley had smiled broadly when Lucas somehow managed to spear the cherry with his spork and offered it to her, she taking it with an audible gulp that had had him chuckling.

But even that brief moment had passed, and now, while they were taking the long route back to her apartment with Lucas' hand a warm presence on her back even through the jacket, she wasn't exactly certain how to break the awkward silence that seemed to be clinging to them.

"What do you have to do to become a veterinarian?" she finally asked.

"Eh...what?" Lucas asked, looking at her with surprise.

"To become a vet. What do you have to do?"

Lucas reached up and rubbed at the back of his head, thinking. "Um...get a Bachelor's in something first I think," he answered, frowning a bit. "Haven't really checked it out."

"You need to," she encouraged. "How are you going to make your dreams come through without knowing what's to come?"

"You've got a point there," he allowed. "What about you Riley? What do you want to be?"

"Someone who makes people happy," she declared.

"That sounds about right," he chuckled. "I think you'd do great at that."

"Thank you," she answered, before admitting, "I don't think I can just go to college and study happiness though."

This time Lucas laughed outright, and pulled her closer to him. He briefly pressed his head against hers, something that cause her to smile. "You've got time Riley," he told her. "That sort of worrying doesn't need to happen until summer before junior year at the very least."

"Good point," she acknowledged, "but remember mister, in two years when I ask you about being a veterinarian again-"

"I'll have the answer ready for you," he finished, and she gave him an approving nod.

"What are you go do for the rest of the night?" she asked.

"A bit of homework, some reading, maybe a bit of gaming if Farkle's online."

"Can't you just play with Zay?"

"I can," he acknowledged, "but if I actually want to win anything I'm better off waiting for Farkle and his tactical advice."

"I just like slaying zombies," Riley said then with a shrug, and Lucas laughed.

"I guess that's why Farkle got you Plants versus Zombies."

"It's so pretty!" she gushed, and Lucas pulled her close again, rubbing her arm. "Maybe you guys can show me how to play your games," she said after a moment. "It's a stereotype that girls don't like video games, you know."

"Is that what you learnt in your club this week?"

"Yeah," she responded enthusiastically. "I think I joined at a good time. There's so many stereotypes, against boys and girls, some I haven't even considered myself. Like why can't guys experiment with makeup too? Wouldn't you like to hide a pimple?"

"Well one, I don't get pimples," he said with a grin.

"Must you be perfect in every way," she grumbled, causing him to laugh again. "What's two?"

"Don't some guys do it anyway?" he said with a shrug. "I mean it's not something I've ever thought about doing myself, but why should I care if someone else wants to do it? I just don't like when people use make-up as a crutch."

"What do you mean?"

"Like if a girl reaches the stage when she thinks that she can't leave her house without makeup," he said, stopping as they reached the apartment steps. "That's a problem I think. But if it's just for fun, then go for it. Isn't that why you're wearing it?" he asked, pointing at her eyes.

"I always wanted to try it," she responded after a moment's thought, "to see if it'd make me look pretty."

"You're already beautiful Riley," he said seriously and she let out a small, pleased sound. "The make-up just makes you look beautiful in a different way."

"Thanks Lucas."

"Anytime Riley," he responded, patting her shoulder. "Let's get you upstairs okay? It's close to your curfew."

"Oh, they probably gave me the wrong time again," she shrugged, but nevertheless led them into the building.

"Did you have fun tonight?" Lucas asked as they climbed the stairs.

"I really liked the movie," she answered, "and the conversation we had just now."

"Then Maya will be pleased," he remarked.

"She will," Riley confirmed with a smile. "Now she just has to do her part so we have stories to swap on Sunday."

"Sunday sleepovers a permanent thing now?" he asked as they reached the door.

"Not every week," she answered, "but she feels like her mom and Uncle Shawn should have at least one couple's night."

"That's not how things work," Lucas remarked.

"I know," Riley responded, her smile fading slightly, "but Maya still thinks that if anything goes wrong with this, it'd be her fault."

"Has she said this?" Lucas asked, concerned.

"She doesn't need to," Riley told him. "Maya's been seeing things a lot differently since Shawn convinced her mom to tell her the whole truth. Before, she just thought her mom chased her dad away or didn't try hard enough to get him to stay. Now she actually remembers some of the fights, her mom crying, her dad storming out. She also remembers hearing her name come up a couple of times, and that's what led her to think that, underneath it all, it was her fault. After her dad came last year she said that she knows it's not her fault now, but I think that somewhere inside she's still not fully convinced of that. It worries me honestly because I'm pretty certain she's still not fully over thinking that she doesn't deserve to be happy and I worry that something's going to happen to make her doubt all of this and it'd be too big a thing for me to help her get over."

"Well let's hope that it doesn't happen," Lucas responded gruffly, "but if it does, don't feel like you'd have to deal with it alone. You're her best friend Riley, no one can ever deny that, but we can all help as well. I can help."

"Yeah well you do seem to get through sometimes when no-one else can," Riley allowed, "so I guess it really is good that you've over your idoititis."

"It's a good thing," he agreed. "Anyway, I should start heading home myself."

"Okay," she answered, "I guess we got side-tracked there."

"Doesn't matter," he reassured, "Maya's important to us."

"She is," Riley confirmed. "Text me when you get home?"

"I will," he confirmed.

"Good," she said simply, and suddenly the mood shifted and the discomfort from earlier settled on her again as she realised that this was technically one of those couple-y moments Maya had talked about. After all, this was the end of their date, their solo date, so it was expected, mandatory even that they kiss. It was why her mother had stared at her after homecoming and Maya seemed stumped by the lack of physicality between them. This was the perfect time to act normal, to be normal by ending her date with her boyfriend with a kiss.

So why was it so hard to do so?

She looked at Lucas – assessing him – and wondered if it was as awkward for him. After all, this did go both ways right? It wasn't as if Lucas had instigated anything between them himself, although, she allowed, he was such a gentleman that maybe he hadn't done anything because she hadn't indicated that she wanted anything beyond hugs? Did that mean that he would if she did so?

"Riley?" Lucas asked, watching her.

No, she really didn't feel like kissing him, she decided and so, offered him an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I just got lost in my mind there for a minute."

"That's fine," he responded immediately. "I know you're usually heading to bed by now. Let me not keep you longer."

"Are you sending me to bed Lucas?" she could help but ask, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Yeah, you are not in the least bit threatening." She pouted at that. "I can so be threatening."

"You are adorable," Lucas declared and leant forward. She froze and wondered if what she had just done could be construed as flirting and he was acting upon it. She wasn't sure if she was ready for that though, but, a moment later, her fear proved unfounded because Lucas pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, before murmuring, "Don't ever change Riley."

"I won't," she promised.

Lucas left her then, and started walking back towards the stairs. She reached up and touched the spot he had kissed. She had liked that. It made her feel comforted. But, that still wasn't what Maya had meant right? Maya had meant actual kissing, and had described a feeling similar to what she had felt when she had kissed Lucas on the train so long ago. That kiss had felt good in a way that was different from what the peck to her cheek had evokd and suddenly she wondered if she could recapture that feeling. That would set things to right she realised, and would remove all the awkwardness she was feeling now. That was the way to shake off the funk.

And so, she hurried after him. "Lucas," she called and he stopped on the second step and turned, looking up at her.

"What is it, Riley?" he asked her.

"I-" she stopped, not exactly sure how to explain herself. But then again, she hadn't said anything that time. She'd just done it, and it had been great. And so, deciding to be brave, and to, more importantly, just not think about it, she leant forward, closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his for a few seconds. It definitely didn't feel the same and Riley pulled back, perplexed. It had literally just felt like two sets of lips pressing together. Where were any of the things she had felt before? Lucas blinked, as if startled, but, after a few seconds gave her a close-lipped smile and turned, heading down the steps again. He was gone before she could think to ask him how it had felt to him, but then again, how could she have started asking him that?

That wasn't something you were supposed to ask your boyfriend, and so, slowly, she retraced her steps, this time letting herself into the apartment, the click of the closing door seeming almost deafening. At least she had fulfilled Maya's requirement by kissing him, but Riley was oddly certain that doing so hadn't done anything to shake the funk they truly were in.

*

"Still at it, kiddo?" Shawn asked a few hours later as he opened Maya's bedroom door. It was almost midnight, and, after nearly two hours of putting together the initial plans for the wedding, Maya had excused herself to work on a project, leaving him and Katy to curl up together on the couch and watch a D grade movie that they had more fun criticising than anything else. But now, Katy was asleep in bed after he had had to carry her there and he had decided to check in on Maya before turning in himself.

"Yeah," she answered, looking up from her painting. "I'm almost done with this portion here."

Shawn walked to where she was and put his hand on the back of her chair while he looked over her shoulder. He whistled in appreciation at what he saw. The painting was nearly half done, but he could already tell that it would be an amazing piece once she was finished. He had only seen a handful of her paintings in real so far. Back in middle school she would send him photographs of her works, but to see them in person was an entirely different matter entirely. The girl had genuine raw talent, and he was looking forward to see how much more she could do given time and the room to practice.

"Maya this is amazing," he said honestly, and the way her face lit up was not at all lost to him. "Kid, you could go real places with this."

"Do you really think so?" she asked.

"I know so," he responded sincerely. "I know you're just in your freshman year, but maybe we should give some thought to what comes after. Schools you can go to, studios you can probably volunteer at or something, just to get some experience under your belt?"

"I-I've never thought ahead so far before," she admitted, contorting her mouth.

"Well maybe you should consider it," he advised. "Better to know from now what some of your options are so you can start making plans."

"I'll think about it."

"Do that," he answered and tapped his finger against her nose. "Do you have everything you need?" he asked then, looking at the supplies she had scattered about the table and the floor near her feet. "Paints, pencils?"

"Yeah, I'm good Shawn," she responded.

"What about coloured pencils?" he pressed, as he stooped to pick up a pencil stub.

"I've still got most of the pack," she told him. "It's just that one and the black that are low."

"Those sound like pretty important colours to me," he remarked. "You definitely need a next pack."

"You're ridiculous Shawn, you know that?"

"So you claim," he rebutted. "But since I want the best wedding invitations ever I'm going to get you a new pack."

"If that makes you happy," she answered, "but I have a pack that I may actually break out for this."

"You do?"

"Yeah." Shawn watched as she got up and bent to pull out a medium sized, decorated box from under her bed. She emptied it out, and curiously he walked closer so that he could get a better look. There were an assortment of things in there, and most didn't seem to have any real value and meaning for him. However, it definitely had some sort of connection for the teenager if the way she ghosted her fingers over an aged sticker was anything to go by. Her hand settled on a pack of colour pencils though, and she held it up to him.

He took it from her, but, for all that he looked at it, it still looked like a regular pack of pencils to him. "I don't get it kid," he admitted, sitting down beside her.

"Matthews gave it to me," she explained, taking it back from him. "He gave us an assignment in seventh grade, not too long after Lucas transferred. Farkle and I were in on the window seat in the library and the night sky looked amazing and I thought, I want to see that all the time. And before I knew it I'd drawn it and it looked...good. That was the first time I was actually really tried, you know? Not just doodled something on a page to pass the time. After we presented our reports, Matthews gave me a cell phone and that pack of pencils. If I see anything good I was to draw him a picture, he said. I guess most people would think it's weird that I valued the pencils more than the cell phone, but I couldn't bring myself to use them."

"Because they meant a lot to you," Shawn guessed.

"Yeah," she answered softly, giving him a small smile. "He just saw one thing, one scrappy drawing I did on a page and that was enough for him to give that to me. He believed in me and because of that I never used them. I just save it away in here with all my other precious things."

"What makes a turtleneck precious?" Shawn asked curiously.

"This was Farkle's," she answered. "He gave them away when someone was bullying him. He asked for them back afterwards, but I kept it," she told him with a roughish grin. "There's a memory attached to all of these things."

"I see," he responded with a nod. "I won't ask about the rest."

"I don't mind."

"Nah," he said, reaching over to pinch her nose, "girls gotta have their secrets, right?"

"Right," she agreed softly, her expression tender for one moment before her regular impish expression returned. "Now you better hurry up and make those decisions so I can put these babies to good use, understood?"

"Definitely," Shawn agreed, chuckling. "Anyway," he continued after she had packed away and stored the box back under her bed, "I should let you get back to your painting. But don't stay up whole night. I'm making pancakes for breakfast and sleepy-heads don't get a share."

She laughed at that, but nodded. Shawn stood up, and kissed the top of her head gently. "Good night kiddo."

"Night Shawn," she returned.

He had just about closed the door when she called his name, and he pushed it back open. "Yeah?"

"Is it okay if we talk sometimes?"

"Of course," he answered immediately, leaning against the doorframe. "But, we've been doing that all this time, haven't we?"

"We have," she answered. "I mean about boys though."

Shawn blinked, surprised, and she supposed it reflected on his face because she continued. "I know it's weird," she said, "most kids don't talk to their parents about this stuff, but I'd like to. I know a lot, but I feel like there's so much I don't know...especially how things are from the boy's perspective."

"Y-yeah," he managed, trying to keep the sudden rush of emotions he felt out of his voice. "I can definitely help with that. Ask me whenever you want."

"Thanks Shawn," she answered, and turned back to face her desk.

"Yeah," he said and closed the door, before leaning against it, comfortable enough now to let his feelings show. Parents. Maya had used the word parents in association with him. He exhaled loudly, and reached up to wipe his hand against his forehead as he processed what had just happened. She hadn't even hesitated when she had said it. It had been so natural, so normal, and he had barely been able to hide his response, not wanting to make a big deal about it in case it caused her to clam up. As much as he wanted to, he decided against hurrying to the bedroom to wake up Katy and tell her although he knew she'd be as excited as he was.

Instead, he forced himself to calm down before he returned to the living room. He dropped down on the couch and, lifting the last magazine they had managed to distract Maya from, he took up the envelope that he had stuffed there when Maya had arrived home. This was one thing she definitely did not need to know about, especially in case they weren't able to make it work out. Nevertheless, Maya's words had done a lot to relieve the niggling doubt he had had about even thinking about doing this. Now, more than ever, he was certain that they were doing the right thing - the best thing - for her.

*

"You definitely are in a cult," Maya deadpanned as her eyes rose and fell as she took in the admittedly magnificent sight that was Alex. Good looking would be an understatement. He definitely was an athlete given the muscles on him, but his milk chocolate skin tone, long curly locks and startling grey eyes were even more striking than his physique. Liam was definitely a lucky guy.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Liam asked, glaring at her. "He's out of my league?"

"He's out of everyone's league," Maya said dryly, and Alex, laughed, a deep, rich sound.

"Nice to meet you Maya," he said, standing up from the oversized beanbag he had been on. She held out her hand to shake it, but he surprised her by pulling her in for a hug. "Thank you for taking care of him," he said softly, looking down at her.

"Any time," she answered softly, hearing profound gratitude in his voice. Liam really hadn't had an easy time she thought sadly as she looked to where Liam was stuffing his mouth with popcorn. "So," she asked, stepping back, "how'd he get you? Hex bag? Potion in your tea?"

"His personality," Alex replied as he reclaimed his former seat, leaving her to drop down on the bed next to Liam, knocking his hand aside so she could reach into the bowl.

"Learn to share," she growled when he made an annoyed sound.

"Buttered popcorn is his one weakness," Alex explained. "It's a heavily rationed commodity around here. Ask him about sixth grade and the stomach ache that lasted for days sometimes."

"It was worth it," Liam declared around a next mouthful. "And," he continued, swallowing, "I'll have you know that he asked me to be his boyfriend."

"Then we're definitely dealing with a sacrifice then," she said, nodding her head. "Have you ever seen him with chicken bones Alex?"

"You know way too much about that stuff," Alex remarked.

"I like to stay educated," she responded pertly. "So, are we doing this Doctor Who thing or not?"

"You sound sceptical."

"Doesn't seem like my cup of tea," she shrugged.

"He was the same," Liam said smugly, "and now he knows all the streaming sites for them better than I do. You'll be the same."

And, as much as she hated to admit it, Liam was right. She was hooked, and by the time the second episode ended, she was the one reaching over to press the next button because fifteen seconds was way too long to wait. It was a nice overall first meeting, she acknowledged, probably because they didn't talk too much. Since she was the only newbie to the show, Liam and Alex tended to drift into soft conversation during lulls, Liam at one point slipping off the bed to join his boyfriend on the beanbag. She would occasionally glance at them, smiling when she saw how completely at ease Liam was with him in a way that she'd never seen before.

Finally, after five episodes, Liam reached over to pause it, much to her disappointment. "Why?" she whined, not even bothered by the triumphant expression on his face.

"Shane's supposed to be here at six right? Emily takes nearly an hour to slap gunk on her face."

"Shane's seen me sweaty and gross already," she dismissed, "put on the next one."

"You're still in the honeymoon state, Hart," Liam reminded her, "give the boy some effort."

"Fine," she grumbled, and stomped off to Emily's bedroom across the hall where she had dropped her bag off earlier for 'inspection'. Thankfully the junior had approved of everything save her jacket and had loaned her one that Maya was pretty certain would be too long on her, but hey, who was she to complain?

Thirty minutes later, with her scalp feeling much abused from the tugging Emily had put her through while styling her hair, Maya returned to Liam's bedroom, to find Alex alone, storing the laptop away.

"No," she whined again, and he turned to smile at her. "A few hours wait won't kill you," he told her.

"It might," she grumbled and sat back down. "Where's That?" she asked, adjusting her skirt.

"You really do call him that," Alex noted with amusement. "He took your phone so I'm pretty sure he's threatening Shane about taking you as a hostage."

"Figures," she answered, not too surprised. Liam loved harassing Shane she'd come to realise; his offer for him to meet her here had come a little too quickly.

"Maya, can I ask you something?" Alex asked then, leaning back against Liam's desk.

There was a seriousness to his tone that Maya took immediate note of. She nodded, already having an inkling of what he would ask.

"Is Li really doing okay?"

"Why'd you ask?"

"Because he doesn't do as good a job of hiding things as he'd like to believe," Alex told her. "He's been jumpy the past few days, and won't talk about school at all. He's hiding something, and that's hardly ever a good thing."

"I'm not supposed to say," she admitted, not thinking to lie. Alex seemed too concerned for her to offer him false reassurance on the matter.

Alex sighed then and reached up to pinch at his nose. "How about we trade a secret?"

"So he'd be mad at the both of us?" she said sceptically.

"Pretty much," he said, with a shrug.

Maya considered it briefly but nodded. Truthfully, she didn't like keeping such a large secret. She knew that she would feel better if she told at least one person, and who better than his boyfriend?

"His mother's probation ended," he revealed. "He overheard his aunt and uncle talking and it seems like she wants him back."

Maya hissed at that. "That can't happen right?" she asked, worried.

"It's a long shot," Alex responded, "a really long one, but the fact that she's talking about trying is worrying enough."

"It is," she agreed. "But why do you want me to know?"

"Because it's not something he'd have told you otherwise, not for a while, but I think you should know. Liam gets broody when something's bothering him, so I don't want you to feel as if you're the cause if it starts happening."

"That makes sense," she responded. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Thanks," he answered. "And your secret about him?"

"Some of the people from last year are after him again."

Alex cursed softly and smacked his hand down against the desk "I don't want him in that school," he said, and there was a frustrated edge to his tone that suggested to her that this was not a new thought for him.

"Someone had him jammed against a locker like two weeks back," she continued, lowering her tone further to ensure that no one outside the room could overhear her words. "There's also been a guy following us around this week. And-"

Maya broke off then. There was one thing she had told no one about, not even Liam. And yet, when she looked at Alex, she found herself speaking almost without realising it. There was something compelling about his grey eyes and she had little doubt that he used it to his advantage when it suited him. "Someone stuffed a letter into my locker yesterday," she disclosed. "I thought it was from Shane so I just put it in my bag to read when I got home. It wasn't from Shane but I think I know who it's from."

"What did it say?" Alex asked seriously as he came over and sat on the other end of the bed.

"It asked if I knew my boyfriend was a-a," she broke off, unwilling to use the derogatory word that had followed.

"A faggot?" Alex guessed, and she winced but nodded.

"I know the letter isn't referring to Shane, and when I think about it, if someone were to look in at Liam and I in the library or in the corridors, it would seem like we're being…cosy, you know? I have been meeting him after classes and stuff."

"Who do you think wrote it?"

"Some guy named Zander."

"Zander Gallagar?" Alex asked, and looking at him, she could see the way his expression darkened.

"I-I don't know his last name," she admitted. "Is he bad news? Liam keeps saying I shouldn't care about it, but I don't know."

"He's a grunt," Alex revealed. "He's not the one to worry about. The guys he hangs out with are."

"Liam won't tell anyone," Maya said worriedly, "and he made me promise not to do so."

"Dammit Li," he cursed, rubbing at his forehead.

"He'll be mad at me if he knows I told you," Maya said apprehensively. Alex seemed ready to go confront Liam about it right now, and she knew that if he did so their good day would come crashing down around them immediately.

"Do you rather him mad at you or safe?" Alex asked, frustrated.

Maya bit her lip, not sure how to reply. However the door opened then and Liam pranced in, Shane following at a more sedate pace.

"I have successfully bargained for your freedom Maya," Shane declared gallantly, holding his hand out to her. Grateful, Maya got up and went to him, tiptoeing to kiss him.

"Hey you," she whispered, pulling back.

"I should let you get kidnapped more often," he returned, his eyes sparkling with humour, "your reward is quite satisfying."

"Dork," she muttered, before turning back to glance at Alex, her expression briefly flitting to a pleading one.

He sighed but gave her a small, almost imperceptible nod. "Take proper care of her Shane," he said, even as he reached out to tumble Liam down onto the bed beside him. "I like her."

"I will," he assured, before looking down at her. "Ready?"

"Yeah," she answered.

"I'm taking your number from Liam," Alex told her. "I'd like to get to know Liam's friends a bit better."

"Of course," she agreed, although she was quite certain that this was just so that they could continue their conversation unencumbered. She didn't mind, although she knew that she'd eventually feel a pang of guilt for going behind Liam's back like this. However it would be good to have someone else she could talk to about this, and so, she was willing to do it, for Liam's sake.


	34. Chapter 34

The next two weeks passed relatively uneventfully in Maya's opinion. She'd gone out with Shane two successive weekends, had hung out with his friends three times, managed to (barely) submit her art project to Mr. Jackson on time, and had somehow gotten all her other homework assignments completed and handed in as well. On top of that, she'd managed four sleepovers with Riley (interchanging apartments because now she didn't have that burning desire to flee hers anymore), had hung out with the gang at Topanga's numerous times, and, as far as she was concerned, protected Liam from any direct interaction with Zander.

All in all, everything was going well, perhaps too well, and so, Maya found herself bracing for the inevitable. Something would go wrong, and very soon more than likely. She didn't meant to be pessimistic about it, but history often repeated itself, especially when it came to her life, and she wasn't sure if that cycle could ever be broken. Her life was a series of ups and downs, and right about now, as she made her way to her locker after school, she couldn't help but note that she had been at a high point for way too long.

She didn't even react when, upon opening her locker, a crumpled piece of paper fluttered to the floor. She bent to scoop it up, wondering, not for the first time, if she wasn't better off just putting something to block the rectangular holes through which these little missives were being shoved. But then again, she didn't know what would happen if Zander realised that this form of communication was lost to him. Maybe he would find a next way to send his messages, or else he might try to escalate things. That she definitely did not want to happen, although, increasingly, it was becoming more and more apparent to her that he was not doing this alone. He just couldn't be.

His letters to her were becoming increasingly more detailed, yet she was seeing less and less of him around. The letter she had received two days ago had openly expressed his disgust with her allowing Liam to grab her around the waist and spin her around – something he had only done because she had helped him over a quandary regarding his latest painting – and had asked if she had no shame for allowing herself to be used as a beard like this. She had had the sinking realisation reading it that Zander had not been anywhere around them then. It had to be one of the other students who had been milling around in the corridor, and yet, Liam had not at all reacted to any of them. Was this mystery person new to the group that had hurt him the year before? Additionally, yesterday and today, she had spotted, for the first time since it had happened, the guy who had assaulted Liam. She didn't know if she was being paranoid or not, but seeing him just raised her alertness all the more higher, and so, more than ever, she found basically becoming Liam's shadow the best course of action.

She sighed, and turned the letter over in her fingers, wondering if she should just wait until later to deal with it. It wouldn't make a difference either way so it was just a matter of if she wanted its contents on her mind now or at a later time. It wasn't easy to keep a secret like this. Alex was the only one she dared speak about it with, and even then, there was always the sinking feeling that Liam, if he ever found out, was bound to be very upset with the both of them. It was a big risk, a humongous one, and, not for the first time, she found herself wondering if this was indeed worth it.

She heard footsteps coming up behind her, and panicking, she quickly shoved the letter into her pocket before slamming her locker door shut. As she expected, it was Shane, ready to escort her to show choir. "Hey you," she greeted, her tone higher pitched than normal, something she hoped he would not pick up on. "How was Geo?"

"Fine," he responded, although it was clear from the crinkle in his brow that he was suspicious of her hurried actions. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," she answered, perhaps a bit too quickly if his deepening frown was anything to go by. Be cool Hart, she chided herself. All this would be for naught if Shane found out about this.

"You're lying," he said, surprising her with his bluntness as he looked at her pocket. "What did you just hide?"

She was taken aback by his frankness. Where was the usual dancing around the topic people usually did when they were suspicious? She had more than enough responses she could have given him that would have left him wondering what the original topic matter had been. This forward approach was not one she was used to navigating her way around. "Did something happen in class?" she probed, genuinely confused. He actually seemed to be upset and she wondered if there was some pre-existing upset that was spurring this on.

He ignored her question in favour of one of his own. "You stuffed something in your pocket Maya. I saw you do it. What was it?"

"A list," she lied, her curiosity giving way to irritation at the accusatory tone he was adopting toward her.

"A list of?"

"Of none of your business," she snapped.

If anything his irritation seemed to grow as well before he sighed and levelled her with an exasperated look. "You're making a big deal out of nothing," he remarked. "Just show me what's on the stupid paper I know you're hiding and let's be done with this."

"Why do you care what's on it so much if it's just a stupid paper?" she returned. "

"Because I don't like secrets," he ansawered. "Nothing good ever comes from them and I don't want you to keep any from me."

"There a reason for that?" she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest. Logic told her that there was a rationale for his behaviour. Shane had never been this way before, and while she didn't like it, there was a vague familiarity to his actions. She'd turned defensive more than once in the past if something struck a nerve with her. Maybe for Shane, that feeling led to him being aggressive.

"Secrets hurt people."

Well that, she very well knew, was true, even if, more and more, she was forcing herself to ignore that little fact. "They don't always," she argued instead. "Sometimes, they're not bad. Sometimes, they're just your girlfriend trying to do something nice for you and not wanting you to see the things she's come up with so far."

And there was another lie, a voice whispered in her mind. However, there was no way she was going to let Shane see what was written in that letter. He was way too close to Liam, and she knew that there would be no persuading him from going directly to Emily, or even to Liam's guardians about it.

Shane, thankfully though, bought her lie easily for his expression immediately cleared. "You're planning something for me?" he asked, and there was now a note of awed pleasure in his voice.

"I am," she grumbled, looking away. "Thanks for ruining the surprise."

"Sorry," he apologised immediately, and reached out to cup her cheek. "I'm sorry Maya. I overreacted, didn't I?"

"You kind of did," she confirmed, still not quite looking at him. "I just didn't want you to see it. All of that wasn't necessary."

"I know, I get it now," he responded, his expression growing sheepish. "It's just that…it doesn't matter."

"Tell me," she bid, and gently batted his hand off her face.

Shane sighed deeply. "It really doesn't matter Maya, and it's something I rather not get into, especially now."

Maya contorted her mouth, trying to decide if it really was worth pressing the issue. Shane looked uncomfortable, very uncomfortable, and she didn't want to press him on something that would probably increase that. And, besides, it wasn't as if he was still acting weird. The Shane in front of her now sported that same sheepish expression that he had had when Dylan had been chewing him out after the school performance. That face was decidedly woe begotten, and she felt her irritation and curiosity slip away entirely at that.

"Okay," she accepted, reaching out to take his hand, "but this can't happen again, okay? You can't make me pay for something someone else did to you."

Her choice of words was deliberate, and within seconds, a look of realisation took root in his eyes. After all, he had said the same thing to her back in the art room before. He inhaled loudly before rubbing at his nose with his free hand. "That was good advice, wasn't it?"

"Advice you should take. You can't expect me to tell you every little thing Shane. That's not how this works. If I don't want to tell you something, then I won't."

"Even if I don't like that?"

"I'm not doing it to hurt you," she told him. "There are just some things that I may decide you don't need to know. It's not a fault against you. It may just be something I want to talk to my friends about."

"Because you trust them more than me?"

"Because they're my friends Shane," she said simply. "I'm pretty certain there are things you'd tell your friends that you wouldn't tell me."

"I would if you wanted me to."

"I don't want that," she replied. "You don't need to do that."

"I want to be the one who knows everything about you Maya," he responded. "That's my role as your boyfriend right? To be the one you turn to? The one you confide in?"

"I'm not sure that's how it works," she said honestly. "I don't think you'll ever be the only one, but I can promise that you'd be one of the people I talk about personal stuff with."

Shane frowned at that, but Maya didn't let him speak. She was swiftly growing tired of this conversation, and couldn't quite recall how it had gotten to this point anyway. She had just not wanted him to get the letter, and somehow it had spiralled into this, something she just didn't want to deal with. "Look," she said, "we're late as is and I still have more stuff on my family history to look up after we're done here. I don't need to get stuck cleaning up as punishment, so can we just go?"

"We need to talk about this more Maya," he said.

"I don't see why," she answered honestly, "but if you want to, fine, we will. Come on."

Shane didn't seem too happy about it, but he nodded nonetheless. She let him take her bag as always, but there was no conversation between them as they walked to the club room.

*

Lucas looked away from where Farkle and Zay were quietly talking to each other. Riley was still clinging to Farkle's arm, her head resting comfortably on his shoulder. She had a calming effect on him. Lucas had no doubt that it was Riley's touch and words that had brought Farkle back from the brink of tears. She had handled that situation way better than any of them could have managed, and he was grateful for that. He never liked seeing his friends upset, but truthfully, with something as monumental as what Farkle had just revealed, he doubted that there would have been anything he could do or say that would be a comfort to him. It wasn't as if he had a time machine that could have taken him back in time to Germany so he could punch Hitler in the face, so he would leave it to the expert to handle him.

And so, he turned his attention instead to Maya, who, until now, had been mostly silent. She was far from okay; it was evident in the way she was worrying her lip and staring at where Farkle was, as if she wanted to go to him and offer comfort as well but wasn't quite certain how to go about doing so. He supposed it was exactly what he was feeling, except he knew that Maya was even more protective of him. It had to be killing her that she couldn't just do something to make this all immediately right, and so, he was better off distracting her from things that could not be changed.

She didn't notice his presence until he literally stepped in front of her, and even then she blinked owlishly up at him, as if not understanding why her view of Farkle had suddenly been obstructed. "Want to take a walk?" he asked.

"Y-Yeah, let's," she agreed after a second, and stuffed her hands into her pockets. He placed his hand on her back, knowing that she would appreciate it and slowly led them away. The corridors were mostly empty. He supposed that most people were still in the auditorium, but he had just about had his fill of culture for the day, and doubted that any of them would be going back in there.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly, looking down at her. She was still worrying at her lip and he was starting to fear that she'd do actual damage to it if she continued for much longer.

"What's there to talk about?" she said sharply, before sighing deeply. "I'm sorry Huckleberry."

"No, it's okay," he said immediately, and rubbed at her back for a few seconds reassuringly. "I get it, it's a raw deal."

"It's just so hard to think about," she said gruffly, before reaching out to tug on the end of his sleeve. He followed, and allowed her to pull him down to sit on the bottom of a staircase. "I thought Multi-cultural Day would be fun, you know? We'd come, get food from around the world and convince some speakers to teach us how to swear. I didn't expect to find out that Farkle almost never existed, you know? That the only reason he's alive now is because some random guy years ago decided to have some sympathy for someone in need. How many Farkles aren't around because of the decisions of a few idiots?"

"You know about the Holocaust?" Lucas asked, mildly surprised. It wasn't a topic they had covered as yet in class, and he only knew about it from friends who were now a grade ahead of him.

"There's a chapter about it in the book Ms. Kossal gave me in middle school," she explained. "It gave the history about what the pictures were depicting. It was one of the most depressing things I've ever read," she admitted, meeting his gaze, "but I never thought it'd be relevant today. That I'd actually know someone affected by it." She reached out and wrapped her hand around his, pulling at him until he took the hint and scooted a bit closer so she could rest her head on his shoulder. "I could have grown up in a world that didn't have Farkle in it."

"I know, it's a scary thought," he said softly, "but that didn't happen okay? Farkle's right here with us. He is safe."

She didn't respond immediately, but he didn't rush her, knowing that she just needed a bit of silence to process what she was feeling. "I know he's safe," she finally responded, pulling away from him. "I'm being stupid. Let's just blame it on hormones, okay?"

"My mom's used that line on my dad before," he said. "Next thing I know you're going to demand that I bring you chocolate."

"Well since you're volunteering," she joked, and he chuckled.

She was silent for a minute again, lazily running a finger against his arm while he did his best not to react to it. Finally, she sat up straighter and pushed him away enough so that she could turn sideways and tuck a leg up under the other. "What did Zay mean?" she asked, looking at him. "He said that he and Farkle were similar."

"His family didn't choose to leave Ghana," he said mildly, and watched as Maya's eyes widened with realisation.

"Slavery," she breathed out. "Oh god. It's why he could relate. His family...oh god."

"He reacted about the same way," he said with a wry smile. "History doesn't seem so distant right now, doesn't it?"

"It doesn't," she agreed. "I never thought it'd be real. Not real like this."

"It's hard to think about."

"What about you?" she asked him then. "Do you have any skeletons too or is your story actually happy go lucky?"

"My mother's family came here from Russia," he answered. "My great great whatever grandfather was in politics and did something wrong. It was flee or die."

"So they left?"

"So he helped them leave," he corrected. "He stayed behind. It was the only way to ensure that no one made the journey over after them. He died so his family could live."

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

He nodded, accepting her sympathy. "I take solace in the fact that I'm the descendant of someone so strong that he'd give his life to protect those he loved."

"The apple didn't fall too far from the tree," she noted, causing him to clear his throat to hide his sudden embarrassment.

"Yeah well I'll always try to protect my friends," he said gruffly. "And that includes you," he concluded, pointing his finger at her before laughing when she attempted to bite it. "Did you find out anything about your family?"

"I only looked into mom's side," she answered, "but the Clutterbuckets are Irish." She paused and gave him an expectant look. "Really? No leprechaun quips?"

He snickered at that. "No, I'm past that now," he told her. "Although I will say that Lucky Charms being your favourite cereal makes so much more sense now."

"Dork," she griped, smacking his shoulder, something that caused him to laugh loudly.

"Do you know why they came here?" he inquired once his mirth was more under control.

"There was a bad famine in Ireland around the time the name showed up in America. We think that's the reason they came here but there's no real way to prove that."

"I guess we all have our stories."

"We do," she agreed. "Shane's grandfather is Italian. Liam's mother has Spanish ancestry and Emily's mother is part Greek. We're like a melting pot of people, and that's such a beautiful thing."

"It is when you put it that way," he said. "It's amazing that all our histories, both good and bad, coalesced in a way that's brought us to where we are right now. We're walking history too Maya. In fifty years people in schools just like this will be learning about what we've done. Mr. Matthews is right. We've got to make sure that we create the right type of stories, ones that we'll be proud to have them read of us."

"Such noble intentions," she teased, although beneath the humour he could tell that she really was thinking about what he had said. "Do you think someone like me can make a difference? A real difference?"

"Someone like you is just the kind of messenger we need," he said, prodding the tip of her nose with his finger. "That's why you need to keep drawing and painting. The things you create will teach people in the same way those drawings in your book taught you about the past. You have a lot of things to say Maya. Always say it."

"I'll try to," she replied softly.

"Good. Because sometimes I feel as if you hide away too many things up here and in there," he commented pointing first at her temple then at her heart.

"Maybe I do," she acknowledged. "I'll try to be…more open."

"I'm always here to listen."

"I may just take you up on that," she said, smiling at him. She was quiet again, though briefer this time, before she looked up at him. "Lucas?"

"Yes?" he returned gently, instantly on alert as he always was when she actually deigned to use his name.

"I'm glad that Farkle's family got the help he needed so that Farkle could be here. But I'm also glad that your great great whatever grandfather got your family out of Russia because I'm not sure how my life would be without you in it either."

Lucas cleared his throat at that, having not expected something so heartfelt from her. He felt a warm rush assault him, and, given the way she snickered, he had no doubt that a flush was creeping up his face as he briefly turned away.

"Was I too open?" she asked, leaning closer so she could see his face. "You speechless Huckleberry?"

"Ease a guy into it, would ya?" he asked, his pitching rising as he tried and failed to hide his reaction.

"I'm just following your advice, cowboy," she returned cheerfully, obviously taking pleasure from his discomfort.

"There you are!"

Their heads turned in tandem and they saw Zay and Smackle heading their way. Lucas immediately zeroed in on Smackle who had an expression on her face that he'd long since come to think of her 'I don't understand you average humans' face. Maya's hand touched his thigh, and, catching his attention.

"Thank you," she told him softly before standing as the pair reached them.

"Where are Farkle and Riley?"

"Still on the bench," Zay told him, even as Maya went to Smackle's side. "I think Smackle needed a break from it all," he added a bit softer as they both turned to look at Maya who was offering her hand to Smackle, who, after a moment, took it. It was Maya's habit, he knew. Riley always grabbed on to Smackle before lamenting on her continued lack of acceptance towards physical affection, while Maya always settled on this. It was always nice to see how carefully Maya treated Smackle whenever she sensed that the girl was vulnerable. She would banter and mildly ridicule her on a regular day (as she did with all of them) but the moment Smackle was not okay? Maya's protectiveness kicked in full time. The two girls started to talk, and so Lucas refocused on Zay.

"What's wrong with her?"

"She doesn't know what she can do to help Farkle," Zay explained. "Like she understands that what happened to his family is terrible, but she can't connect with why Farkle's hurt by it now, and she feels bad that she can't comfort him. I've been trying to cheer her up."

"Did it work?"

"Seems so," he said shrugging, before looking back to where Smackle actually had a faint smile on her face now as Maya, carefully, reached out to stroke some hair back off her face.

"Oooh!" Zay said then, as if remembering something. "Hey Maya, we just passed some of Shane's friends further up the corridor. They didn't seem too happy."

"What?" Maya asked, confused, turning away from Smackle. "I didn't realise anyone else was here," she said before turning to look at him. Lucas shrugged a shoulder. He certainly hadn't noticed either.

"Guess you two were busy," Zay remarked. There was an undertone to his words that had Lucas rolling his eyes and reaching out to smack him. "Hey, just pointing out the facts," Zay protested. "It's probably nothing, but I thought I'd tell you anyway."

"Yeah, thanks," Maya responded, crinkling his nose at him before turning back to Smackle.

"It was definitely not nothing," Zay said immediately as he looked back at him. "They were talking about how cosy you too were looking before they saw me and zipped up."

"That's stupid," Lucas scoffed immediately. "We were just talking."

"I'm sure you were," Zay returned, "but buddy, they definitely did not see it that way."

*

Riley gingerly set her laptop aside, knowing that she was being silly because there was no way the movement would wake Farkle up. Nevertheless, she didn't want to risk it and so, she bit back her whimper at the pins and needles feeling that assaulted her feet the minute she placed them on the floor. She stamped them gently for a while before standing and carrying her laptop to her desk. She bent over, and smiled softly when Farkle sort of snuffled and flung a hand over his head. He looked much more peaceful now that he was asleep, and, since he had been for the past twenty or so minutes, she was fairly confident that he was down for the count now. Regardless, she didn't end the video call, but instead plugged in her charger to ensure that the device wouldn't shut down. After a moment, she plugged in her speakers as well so she could hear if he woke up again from across the room.

She yawned, sleepy, but decided against going to bed just in case. Besides, there was so much on her mind. She sat in the bay window, and tugged one of the larger pillows onto her lap so she could hug it. Now that Farkle was sound asleep she felt comfortable enough to let her true emotions show, and so she buried her head into the pillow and let the tears slip free. She couldn't believe how badly Farkle was hurting, and she had no idea how he had managed to keep it a secret for so long. She should have asked him about it way before he had disclosed the information, she lamented. Farkle would have told her immediately. But, instead, she had let herself become so obsessed about the lack of history her own family had that she didn't stop to actually question why Farkle had become so quiet, why he – like a few other students – had taken her dad up on his offer of a written report instead of an oral presentation.

It was only now that she understood why her father had given that offer. Nigel had taken it, as had Zay, which in itself should have been an eye-opener for her. Smackle had accepted it as well, but that was mostly because she'd known that she wouldn't be at school the day of the presentation. Riley wasn't really sure whether or not she'd been serious when she had said that NASA needed her again, but her dad hadn't pressed her on the matter, so she hadn't bothered either. Farkle though…that should definitely have tipped her off that all was not right. He loved presentations. It gave him the opportunity to showcase his mental prowess, and, although at times she couldn't keep up with him or his elaborate vocabulary, it was always fun to watch him go at it.

But, he had backed down from it, knowing that it was too dark, too emotional a story for him to reveal and that the likelihood of him actually managing to finish it would have been quite slim. And, seeing how upset he was at school today, and then again tonight, showed that he had made the right decision. Riley couldn't claim to fully understand everything he was saying. The information was too new for her to synthesis at once, especially with the way Farkle's speech came through disjointed as he fumbled for how best to explain while dealing with his feelings. But, what she did understand left her shaken and wondering how humanity had gotten to that point.

The world was definitely a lot darker than having three legged dogs or half-sheared sheep, and it seemed like life was determined to just fling these new realities at her one after the other. She felt as if she could barely keep up with it, and now she had a person, a person she loved, who had connections to something so absolutely horrible that she wanted to just put him in a bubble to keep him safe…and then go back in time and do the same for his family. She had been so silly, so upset about the fact that she alone out of all of them seemed to lack an interesting past. Interesting now had a completely different connotation for her, and she was more than a little grateful that her family history was boring. The Matthews had been in Philadelphia for ages. The Lawrence family had moved from state to state whenever the opportunity for an improved life presented itself. But there was hardly any real tragedy there, anything profound that had altered their way of life. She had lamented that fact before, but now, she knew better and wished more than anything that she could have switched her so-called boring existence with Farkle's if it meant bringing back a glint of happiness to his eyes.

She lifted her head, sniffling before wiping at her tears. There was little point in crying she knew. That did absolutely nothing to help him although it admittedly did a lot to relieve the knot of emotions that had been in her chest. What she needed was a plan, a plan to find something, anything positive that she could use to help him through this. And, sitting here in the bay window would do little to help him in that regard. And so, using the pillow to absorb the last of her tears, she got up and went back to her desk. Farkle was still asleep, on his side now although he still faced the screen. She smiled, and wished that somehow she could reach out through the laptop and brush the hair off his forehead. Instead, she settled for ghosting her finger across the screen before opening a browser, happy when the video miniaturised and moved to the top corner of her screen so she could still keep an eye on him while she started on her research.

She would do it. She would find a way to help him.

*

"Rumour has it you're in the dog house," Liam said conversationally as he plopped down on a dilapidated desk, gesturing for Maya to do the same.

They were in a rather isolated part of the school, one that she had never been to before but Liam had apparently frequented a lot before Mr. Jackson had taken him under his wing. She actually had a free period now, but Liam had stopped her before she had managed to get to the library, bringing her here instead. His teacher had called in sick, and apparently there was no available sub, leaving him to his own devices. And that, apparently, meant bringing here to a storage/dumping area that he said had been his regular hiding spot before Mr. Jackson had opened up the art room as a respite for him.

"Who told you?" she asked tiredly. "Shane or Emily?"

"Shane," he supplied, pumping his legs back and forth idly. "He was pretty upset. Said you were being way too cuddly with Lucas."

"It wasn't like that," she ground out, frustration bleeding into her voice. "I don't know why Stacy and Kira made it seemed like something it wasn't. And I don't get why he's so upset about it. You'd swear I was making out with Lucas, not just talking, with the way he's acting. You know he wouldn't even look at me today in History? I was this close to clubbing him with my text book," she fingers, holding up her fingers with a minute space between them.

"Hey, you're preaching to the choir here," he reassured her, holding up a placating hand. "I know you Maya, and I know you'd never do anything untoward with anyone, far less your best friend's boyfriend even if you two have crazy history."

"So why doesn't he see it that way?" she asked him tiredly, regretting that her hair was tied up in a ponytail before right about now, she really wanted to rake her fingers through it.

"Because he's seen it happen before," Liam said simply.

"Seen what?" she asked, confused. "Some middle school crush broke his heart or something?"

"More like his dad came home early to find his mom bumping hips with her childhood best friend."

"What?!" Maya said loudly, her mouth gaping. She had met Shane's parents, and they seemed fine, actually, more than fine, like the perfect married couple. Liam had to be kidding.

"I'm not," he said, as if sensing her thoughts. "It happened years ago, but the fall out was great. Honestly I think the only reason they didn't divorce immediately was that his dad is so staunchly religious and his faith wouldn't allow for it."

"Liam, you can't just drop that on me so casually," she protested, rubbing at her temples. "Oh god."

"Hey, I'm just telling you what Shane won't," Liam said defensively. "You're wondering why he's acting like this. That's your answer. He watched his family nearly fall apart because his mom and Uncle Brian decided that they were more than just friends. And yes, before you ask, Shane's oldest brother really was named for the guy. You can imagine how that went over after the fact."

"Damn," she breathed out.

"Exactly," he said. "I remember my uncle and aunt talking about it once when they thought we couldn't hear. His dad snuck DNA from Brian and had it tested just to make sure that he was actually his. He was, by the way, but when she found out that set off a whole new set of drama. Shane took it hard, hell they all did, but he's the most sensitive of all of them I'd say, so it really struck a core with him. So you'd understand why he's more than ready to fly off the handle when his friends tell him that his girlfriend's snuggling with a guy she claims is her friend alone in a corridor."

Maya rubbed at her temples again, feeling the beginnings of a headache forming there. It explained a lot actually, probably more than Liam realised. It would explain why Shane was so protective of her, why he was so insistent about her being his number one, about her keeping secrets from him. The guy had baggage, just like she did, and she supposed that, if she looked at it from his perspective, she could honestly see why he was so upset about what had happened even though, in actuality, absolutely nothing had. In that moment, she felt as if she'd aged a thousand years. "Why didn't he just tell me all this when I asked?"

"I think you know why."

Maya sighed at that, because, honestly, Liam was right. "Because if he told me it'd be like him issuing an ultimatum," she said slowly.

"Ding, ding, ding," Liam answered dryly. "Telling you puts you between a rock and a hard place because truthfully Maya, whether he realises it or not, Shane's never going to be okay with you and Lucas being friends. Not knowing what he does about the history you two share."

"He was happy when we decided to try to be friends," she rebutted gently.

"Yeah well I think the guy was hoping you'd settle for an acquaintance sort of friendship."

"That could never happen," Maya said sadly. "Lucas is too important to me."

"Which he's also realised," Liam pointed out.

"Liam," Maya said, looking at him. "I chose Shane. He knows me enough to know what that means. I chose him to be my first boyfriend. I committed myself to him and I'm not going to go against that, not for Lucas, not for anyone. I chose to be his girlfriend and I've been doing my best to be a good one, to give him what he deserves."

"I think he knows that," Liam answered seriously, "but he also doesn't trust Lucas."

"Then what am I supposed to do," she said tiredly "He's not talking to me now, and I'm not going to apologise for something I didn't do. Nor do I think it's fair for anyone to expect me to stop talking to Lucas. Liam, you know how hard going through that before was for me. I'm not going to cut him. Lucas doesn't deserve that, and neither do I."

"Rock and a hard place," Liam repeated, although she heard the sympathy in his voice. "I've never had a decision to make like this Maya. I can't help you."

"You think there's a decision to be made?" she asked, feeling her eyes start to prickle.

"I think you know-"

Liam broke of then, his voice cracking on the last word he had managed to say. Maya looked at him, confused, only to frown at the look of panic on his expression. He wasn't looking at her, and concern started to war for supremacy amidst all the other emotions that were bombarding her. She turned to follow his gaze, only for her breath to escape her in a hiss as she suddenly regretted letting Liam bring them to this sparsely populated place. It afforded them great privacy, a privacy she, up till now, appreciated.

But now, with Zander and the bully coming towards them with decidedly menacing expressions on their faces, she couldn't help but wish for the safety the library would have provided for them. Somehow, she didn't think she would be able to bluff their way out of this.


	35. Chapter 35

Maya's mother believed that she was safe on the streets, that absolutely nothing had ever happened to her on them. That was not the case. It rarely happened anymore, especially now that she was older, wiser, and, perhaps most importantly, had a network of people who, in their own ways, cared about her enough to ensure that she wasn't harassed as she traipsed about. But, before? When she had a false sense of invincibility when it came to such matters? She had found herself in a tough spot more than a handful of times, although, every time, she had managed to come out of it relatively unscathed.

And so, even though it had been a while, her survival instincts kicked in. She immediately scoped out their immediate surroundings even as she hopped off the desk, careful to position herself between them and Liam who seemed to be in a state of shock. There was nothing but more abandoned boxes and desks behind them as far as she could tell, so running in that direction would be useless. Fleeing was their safest option. Liam - if his current state was anything to go by - would be useless in a fight if it came down to that, and she doubted she could handle both herself. They needed to find a way to get past them, and she hoped that, like before, she could use her wit to pave the pathway to freedom.

She forced herself to appear calm as she stuffed her hands into her pockets and cocked her head lazily. "Can we help you two with something?" she asked, forcing her tone into a casually upbeat one. Only Zander seemed put off by her easy confidence, she noted, as she watched the grin slip from him face.

The other one – Liam's bully – appeared more amused than anything else, and that left her uneasy.

"Save the confident act princess," he commented. "There's no one around to hear you scream this time."

Maya clenched her fingers in her pockets in response. It grated on her nerves to hear that nickname slip past his lips, and it took almost all she had to not let her reaction show. "Screaming isn't exactly on my mind right now," she answered, rocking lightly on her heels.

"It would be if Zander had his way," he returned with a smirk even as he reached out to smack his companion on his chest.

"Knock it off Adam," he protested, rubbing at the spot with a grimace.

"What?" he answered. "We both get what we want after this."

"And what would that be?" Maya asked, even as her mind raced to process that snippet of conversation. She really hoped that Adam's words to Zander were not implying what she thought they were…

Adam refocussed on her, and this time, the glint in his eyes was dangerous. "I get to finish pounding the fag," he said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Well that's not going to happen," she declared, even as, behind her, Liam let out a strangled noise of fright that had her heart clenching. "What's your angle Zander?"

Zander shuffled on his feet and looked at her. However, he didn't speak.

"Now's not the time to be shy Zander," Adam told him. "Look, she knows you. It's a match made in heaven."

"Like hell we are," she ground out.

"What?" Adam said, grinning at her, "Didn't you get his letters? He worked so very hard on them."

"Maya?" Liam asked weakly, and, she knew that if she turned, she would see surprised curiosity on his face in addition to his current fear. Now wasn't the time to try to offer him any information. She had never heard such a thin quality to his voice before, and, now that she was focusing on him, she could feel the terror emanating from him.

It raised her protective urges even further. She needed to get them out of this.

"Nothing to say now princess?" he taunted, causing her to grit her teeth.

"Is this what you do?" she forced herself to ask, although it was harder to keep her nonchalant demeanour in place. "Call people names?"

"That's just the prelims," he retorted, taking a few more steps forward. "Why don't you step aside and I'll show you the main show."

He had thrown down the gauntlet now, and following suit, she dropped all pretence, narrowing her eyes as she took a step forward herself. "Like I said," she replied, lowering her tone, "that is not going to happen."

He looked up and down her deliberately, and Maya lifted her chin, not allowing him to see how uncomfortable his probing stare made her feel. "You're going to have to teach this one manners and respect," he told Zander darkly, "or else we'll have problems."

"This one isn't scared of you or your threats."

"I-I don't want you to be afraid of me," Zander told her. "I just want you away from him before he taints you like he tainted me."

Maya blinked at that, before she declared, raising her hands in the air, "This is some Hummel and Karofsky level bullshit right here."

"I am not a fag!" Zander shouted. "Don't class me with him."

His outburst startled Liam, but Maya restrained a smile. This is exactly what she wanted, to rattle them. Emotions made people reckless in situations like this, and if she could continue to rile them up, it would make escaping far easier.

"What's the matter?" she cooed. "Felt a little something for Liam huh? Couldn't handle it and went running to big, bad and ugly there for help?"

"I am not gay!" he shouted again.

"Saying it don't make it true," she continued, smirking. "You told him they were love letters, didn't you? But I don't think so because you spent an awful lot of time ranting about Liam in them."

"Because he's too good for you."

"Or am I too good for him?" she pressed. "He's a great guy, you shouldn't be ashamed to admit it. Is that why you said you hated seeing him hugging me? Did you wish it was you instead?"

"You bitch!" Zander yelled, even as beside him, Adam said, "What the hell man? I thought you were crushing on the girl. Don't tell me you're a fairy like him."

"I am not!" he shouted, stepping close to Adam in a threatening manner. "Don't listen to her. She's telling lies man. She's what I want. I ain't no fairy dude. Don't call me that."

"Who the hell are you talking to like that?" Adam growled back, shoving him.

Maya's smirk turned almost feral. This right here was perfect and more than she could hope for. They were turning against each other. "Get ready to make a break for it," she whispered furtively to Liam. His only response was to reach out and touch her arm, but it was enough to reassure her that he would follow.

"We can deal with this after man!" Zander declared. "Let's-"

"You know," Maya called out, drawing their attention back to her, "if you two want some privacy to deal with this little lovers' spat we can just leave."

"I'm not gay!"

"The man doth protest too much," she quipped.

"Shut up!"

"If you can't control the little princess' mouth then I will," Adam warned.

"This little princess is going to kick your ass if you call me that one more time," she grated out, as she gave into her annoyance. There was only one person in this entire world she would accept that ridiculous name from and it certainly wasn't the burly guy in front of her.

"Yeah, you definitely need a lesson in respect," he threatened, begin to stalk forward.

Liam made a panicked sound, verbalising something that Maya was starting to feel. She hadn't expected to push him so far so quickly. She wasn't prepared for this. He was supposed to go off on Zander, not come after her. It seemed as if they'd have to fight their way out of this after all, and she didn't have anything in the way of a weapon to assist her in this.

Just as she lamented the fact that she had trimmed her nails the night before, Zander reached out and grabbed onto Adam's shoulder, unexpectedly stalling him. "Hurting her isn't part of the plan! We didn't agree to this."

"You still want that smart mouth bitch?" he asked incredulously.

"She's mine."

"Like hell I am!" she declared.

"She ain't rolling over and playing dead like you said she would," Adam told him darkly. "You want help? Gimme two minutes with her and she's be perfect for you."

Maya heart's leapt as he turned towards her with a malicious expression on his face. Yeah, this one would definitely be doing thirty-five to life in a few years. Just as he started to move forward towards them again, Zander shoved Adam – or rather attempted to. He was way too small in comparison to him for that to have been effective. It stopped his movement though and Adam turned, focussing on him. Liam cried out as Adam grabbed and slammed Zander against the wall. He would be feeling that for days, Maya thought. Adam full out started yelling in Zander's face, spittle flying from his mouth.

That was absolutely perfect.

"Now," she hissed and released Liam's arm as she sprinted forward.

She knew that they didn't have long. As soon as Adam realised what was happening he would switch targets. They needed to be well on their way back to a more populated area before that happened. Maya had no doubt that they'd stop the minute there would be witnesses to their actions. Once that happened Maya would take them directly to Mr. Jackson. This had to end today. She should have never let it get to this point in the first place.

She didn't bother to look behind her – it would only slow her escape – but thankfully she heard Liam's footsteps not too far behind hers. As she anticipated, Adam made an enraged sound and released Zander, however, they had both already passed him by then. As they neared the end of the corridor, Maya leapt nimbly over an overturned box Liam had knocked over earlier. It seemed as if the box wanted revenge for his negligence now because, just as she made to sprint around the end corner, she heard the distinctive sound of a body dropping to the floor followed by a pained grunt. She nearly tripped herself as she careened to a stop, dreading but already knowing what she would see when she looked back. Liam was indeed on the floor, already trying to scramble to his feet. But, it was too late. Adam had reached him.

"No!" she yelled as Adam grabbed his leg and gave it a hard yank to drop him back completely to the floor.

"Run Maya!" Liam urged, his tone terrified, even as Zander, breathing heavily, bypassed them and headed towards her.

"Get her!" Adam ordered. "This ends today."

Her mind raced for a quick solution. Zander's legs were longer than hers and she doubted that she could outrun him without a head start. And, even if she tried to escape, Liam would be left alone with Adam. She could stay and try to help him, but realistically, there wasn't much she could do. She didn't have a chance against Adam, though she was somewhat confident that she could incapacitate Zander. As Zander neared her, uttering a curse she turned to flee, hoping that Liam could hang on long enough for her to get help. Just as she took off, she heard Liam cry out in pain. Her panic at the sound caused her to stumble, and while she didn't fall flat like Liam had, the delay was long enough for Zander to reach and grab her.

He was surprisingly strong despite his skinny frame, and, as he yanked her by the arm to him, the force of his movement jerked her shoulder painfully.

"You're not going anyway," he hissed, his eyes boring into hers.

"Let me go," she demanded, trying to tug herself free, even as, behind them she heard the definite sound of someone being kicked. "Liam!" she shouted while trying to free herself.

"This needs to happen," Zander told her, an almost fanatic glint in his eyes. "You'll be free of him just like I am. We'll be okay."

"There is no we," she grunted, and tried twisting away.

He grabbed onto her other arm, trying to pull her closer to him, but she resisted as best she could. It was a battle of wills, with him intent to reel her in while she resisted. Liam shrieking in pain was what broke the stalemate. She couldn't waste time struggling with Zander when he needed whatever help she could offer.

She had no time for games.

She bent her head, and without a second thought, bit down as hard as she could on his arm. He grunted in pain, but it wasn't until a metallic taste started to permeate in her mouth did he release her with a curse. She made to run past him, towards Liam, but he grabbed at her again. "No!" she shouted, and turning, kicked him directly on his left kneecap, causing him to drop down with a pained groan.

Liam was curled into a tight ball on the ground to protect himself from Adam's continuous kicks.

"Hey!" Maya yelled, causing him to pause and look up at her with surprise.

"You really are a feisty one," he noted as he saw Zander.

"Leave him alone," she demanded.

He did, but only to step over Liam before lunging at her. She dodged him – barely – and backed away hurriedly, increasing the distance between them and Liam although it lengthened the distance to her escape route. Her experiences started flooding back to her as she backed away; conversations with women advising her how to use keys to defend herself, or even a sure-fire way to fell even the largest of men without fail. That one she had actually used once before on a man late at night who tried to get a little too fairly with her on the train. Only one of them had walked out when the train had reached its next stop, and it definitely hadn't been him. He hadn't been as big as Adam, but she let that memory bolster her confidence. She could figure a way out of this.

She dodged a next attempt to grab her, even as she heard Liam start to scream, outright scream for help while struggling to get up. She hoped that someone, anyone, would help him even as she gasped as her side clipped the corner of a desk painfully. Not good, she realised as she tried to turn and judge her position. But, it was too late. She hadn't realised that Adam had been crowding her towards the desks stacked against the wall and now, there was no way left for her to go. She shrieked as he grabbed onto her arms, his fingers digging deeply into her soft flesh.

"Shut him up!" he ordered Zander even as his eyes bore into hers.

He was just too big, too strong and as much as she twisted, she couldn't free herself from him. And, unlike Zander, he was wearing a jacket. She would only hurt herself trying to bite him. She cried out when his grip tightened further. He pushed her back further, the edge of the desk digging painfully into her side. He seemed to be trying to get her to lay down on the desk, and that, combined with his vindictive smirk caused her to panic outright. Sounds she didn't know herself capable of making escaped her as she started trashing about. He laughed, a sound that would haunt her in the days to come, but it bolstered her to just keep fighting.

Somehow she briefly had enough clarity to bring her head up with as much force as possible. She winced as her forehead connected painfully with his, and while she saw stares, he was disoriented enough that she could bring her legs up and kick out, connecting with his stomach. He grunted and released her. She scrambled up and kicked at him again, this time aiming for that sweet spot the women had mentioned. A feral smile settled on her face as he groaned and hunched over briefly, but, perhaps she was not as strong as she thought she was because, as she jumped up and tried to run, he grabbed her around the waist. She shrieked again as he lifted her clear off the floor but then suddenly, she was released, and dropped painfully onto the floor.

She started scrambling backwards from him, not even questioning why she had been let go. Shortly after though she felt new hands reached for her and she lashed out even as she whimpered, afraid that it was Zander. The person backed away, but started talking to her. It took her a few seconds to realise that it was a female voice, a vaguely familiar one, and she stopped flailing, looking up with wide eyes to see the girl's gym teacher there talking to her, trying to calm her down. She turned her head rapidly, but it wasn't until she saw a janitor kneeling besides Liam and two other teachers with Adam and Zander respectively that it finally clicked to her.

They had heard Liam's screams.

It was over.

They were safe.

*

"Man, just once can she give us a break?" Zay complained as they left their final class before the lunch period.

"She does assign a lot of homework," Farkle agreed, tucking his notebook under his arm, "but she's the best Geography teacher here from everything I've heard so we're actually pretty lucky."

"I'll take the second best please if it means less reading," he returned. "Right Lucas?"

"You know you're doing us Texan folks a disservice complaining about learning nature stuff, right?" Lucas joked, turning back to shoot his friend an amused look.

"That's exactly my point! We could teach that class."

"You guys know everything about plate tectonics, right?" Farkle asked.

"Earth shifts, lava rises, bada bing bada boom, land forms!"

"That's exactly right," Farkle said, conceding the point with a rueful smile.

"Wow guys, are we missing something?" Lucas asked a moment later as he noticed something odd. People were milling about in the corridor more than usual, talking rapidly to each other. Moreover, there just seemed to be an air of excitement about. So far, he'd only experienced something like this pre-rally, and, since he had an event's calendar for the semester tucked into his folder, he knew for a fact that there wasn't anything carded for that afternoon besides more classes.

Farkle and Zay started to observe their surroundings as well. "Yeah, something's up," Zay agreed before reaching out to snag the arm of a passing guy he shared gym class with. "Yo, what's happening?"

"You haven't heard?" the guy responded with a surprised look. "Dude, the fight of the century just went down! I was in Spanish class when I saw Mr. Fanucchi pass by with a couple of other teachers. He was actually carrying someone man, and the teachers were yelling at the other guys as they pulled them along."

"Yeouch," Zay intoned, before thanking the guy for the information and watching him walk off, probably to tell someone else. "Well I guess we're officially in high school when people getting beaten up is entertainment news."

"Don't people know there's better ways to solve problems?" Farkle said in a contemptuous tone. "No offence Lucas," he added, glancing at him.

"None taken," Lucas assured him. "Anyway, this isn't none of our business so let's just get Smackle and Riley from I.T. and go to lunch."

They had just finished climbing the first of two flights of stairs when Lucas heard from above them, "Yo prince, aren't you heading in the wrong direction?"

Lucas let out a long-suffering sigh but bit back a retort as he looked up to see the baseball team's captain looking down at him. He absolutely hated the nickname he'd gotten stuck with since homecoming, but, unless he wanted his life on the team to be miserable, he knew that there was nothing he could do about it.

"Something you need, Joe?" he asked, trying to keep his irritation from showing. After all, he wasn't in the mood to run extra laps just for pissing the guy off.

"No, not really," he told him. "Somehow, I just expected you to be more upset."

"About what?" Zay asked, curiously.

"She's your friend too right, Babisnot?" he asked, causing Zay to roll his eyes.

"What are you talking about Joe?" Lucas asked, fed-up with this already. He was seriously considering just walking away and pigging out for lunch since the extra laps would burn it off.

"Aww, you really don't know?" he teased. "Your princess is in the principal's office right now for fighting."

"What?!" all three of them let out in union, shocked.

Joe laughed at their expressions. "You really didn't hear? She's a wildcat apparently. Took down three people by herself. One of them might have to go to the hospital I heard."

"Maya wouldn't never do that," Zay declared, but his words were already lost to Lucas who had already turned and started hurrying back down the staircase they had just climbed, worry warring with anger for supremacy inside him.

"We don't have the full story," Farkle said hurriedly as he jogged to keep pace with him once they were back on steady ground. "Maya isn't the kind to start a fight. You know that."

"She's pretty much the type to end it though," Zay noted, something that caused Farkle to glare at him. "Seriously Lucas, slow down. Let's get the whole story before you decide to rip Maya a new one."

"It's not Maya I'm after right now," Lucas said darkly. "What did that first kid say? They took some guys to the nurse's office? That's where I'm heading."

"Yeah and that's not going to happen," Zay declared as he sped up so he could cut him off, placing both of his hands on his chest to forcibly still him.

"Move Zay," Lucas warned, his nostrils flaring as he glared at him.

Zay held his ground. "I will when you calm down. We're not doing this again remember?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm not doing that again for you," Lucas returned. "Maya though…? Move Zay."

"C'mon Lucas," Farkle said from beside him concern lacing his tone. "Let's go to the office. See if Maya's okay. She's worth more than going after those guys."

Lucas spared Farkle a brief glance before refocussing on Zay, wondering if today would actually be the day when he would have to make Zay fear him. If Maya was in the office that meant that she was safe – even if she was in trouble. The guys – whoever they were – were more accessible to him and so he wanted to go…speak to them for a bit…just long enough to ensure that they would tremble in fear if they ever so much as looked in the direction of a next person with blonde hair.

Ready to put his thoughts into actions, Lucas raised his hands, pausing only when he heard Mr. Matthews' voice from further up the corridor calling to them.

"Don't you dare, Mr. Friar," their long-time teacher declared sternly as he hurried over to them. "I'm already busy as is dealing with Maya. I do not have the time right now to do damage control for you too."

The man's words stilled his actions, because, angry or not, Mr. Matthews was a man he had healthy dose of respect for. His mama had finally told him in the summer the real reason he had gotten into John Quincy Adams Middle School after two others had passed on his application. Mr. Matthews had been on the application review committee, and, unlike the rest of the teachers who expressed reservations for taking in a student with such a spotted record, Mr. Matthews had argued in favour of his acceptance, and had promised to take responsibility for a student he had never even actually met in person. If it wasn't for the man in front of him now his parents probably would have had to shell out a lot of money to get him into a private school.

And so, for that reason, Lucas took several deep breaths trying to calm himself. The edge off his desire for violence was taken off, but he knew that, at a moment's notice, it could resurface. As if sensing that, the man put his hand on his shoulder, squeezing down gently as he turned to Farkle and Zay.

"Did Maya really start a fight?" Farkle asked worriedly.

"And is she okay?" Zay added.

"She didn't start the fight Farkle," the man explained, although his voice was tight.

"But she was in one," Lucas intoned darkly, causing the man to give him one, rough shake.

"Calm down," he ordered, and Lucas, reluctantly nodded, focussing on his breathing once again even as he noticed that the teacher had discarded his jacket sometime during the morning session. "From what we know Maya saved her friend from a pretty bad situation."

"Liam?" Zay asked, causing all of them to look at him sharply.

"Wait, you know something?" Lucas snapped.

"I knew the kid had a bully," Zay said defensively, "but both he and Maya said the dude was harmless."

"Since when are bullies harmless?"

"What's the kid's name, Zay?" Mr. Matthews asked, interrupting the beginnings of an accident.

"Zane…?" Zay guessed. "Wait no, Zander. His name is Zander. I think he was following them around for a while."

"And you didn't say anything?" Lucas asked angrily.

"Now's not the time for that, Mr. Friar," their history teacher said seriously. "All right, Zay, I'm going to need you to come with me to the office. Mr. Friar, I want you in my classroom now."

"Why?"

"Because you're hot headed," the man said bluntly, "and the last thing Maya needs right now is you getting in trouble on her behalf. So, go to my classroom and stay there until you're calm. Farkle, go with him. You have my full permission to use force if needed."

"Yeah, Farkle can't handle Lucas in this state," Zay said frankly.

"Well I need to start learning to," he told him. "He's my best friend too and I should know how to help him with this."

"Do you know where the girls are?" Zay inquired.

"With Maya," Mr. Matthews answered. "Maya kept asking for her and since class was nearly over anyway I took Smackle out too. Now I need to get back to the office, so Lucas, go. Listen to Farkle."

"Fine," Lucas said, and though he was still mildly reluctant to let his urge for vengeance go, he allowed Farkle to grab push against his back to get him to start moving towards the classroom.

"You saved my bacon," Zay commented once the two were out of earshot. "I think Lucas was actually going to hit me."

"I doubt it Zay," Mr. Matthews remarked as he started to walk back toward the administrative wing of the school.

"Nah man, I could see it. Lucas doesn't have much control when it comes to Maya. I'm sure you know that."

Mr. Matthews, after a moment let out a small sigh as he shook his head. "I'm afraid you're very much right on that point, Mr. Babineaux. I'm just glad I caught him before he did something he'd eventually regret. Now tell me everything that you know."

*

Riley felt oddly tired as she trekked down the hallway to Maya's locker. She just… hadn't expected any of this to occur. Really, when her dad had knocked on the computer lab's door, she hadn't even paid it much mind, thinking that he'd just come to deliver a message to the teacher or something. Well, she supposed, technically he had, but that message was that she and Smackle, needed to come with them now. That had put Riley on alert immediately, because there was a thinness to his voice that suggested that something was wrong. From then on it felt as if she had been stuffed unwillingly onto the world's roughest roller coaster without any option for getting off.

Maya had gotten into a fight, and actual physical fight.

That had been enough to have her all but running to the office, opening the door with a bang that caused Maya to flinch. Maya didn't look right, and now, nearly half an hour later, she still didn't. She was wearing her father's jacket, but despite the second layer, she still trembled. Riley had dropped down beside her, taking in Maya's wide, vulnerable eyes even as she examined her for damage. Her forehead was a bright red, and Maya flinched when she gently prodded at it. Plus, there was the tinge of blood covering Maya's usually white teeth. She had turned alarmed eyes towards her father, wondering if her mouth was hurt, but he had reassured her that the blood wasn't hers even as Smackle tentatively sat beside her and reached out, carefully curling her two hands around one of Maya's, something that had caused her friend to glance at her and give a small, almost imperceptible nod.

Getting Maya to speak wasn't an easy task. She trembled, actual full body tremors whenever a teacher came over to ask her something, and at one point she made a sound of distress and curled tightly in Riley's side while muttering that it was all her fault. Riley had, with wide eyes, conveyed that to the gym teacher who looked at her sadly before walking away.

It had been a combination of her father and the art teacher crouched in front of her who had finally gotten the story out of Maya in painful bits, and while, half way through it was clear to her that the art teacher was at the very least very annoyed with her, the man had strived to keep that look off his face until Maya was done.

It was why she was on her way to Maya's locker right now to get her bookbag.

She couldn't believe that Maya had hid what had been happening from her. She didn't know why, and she was trying her best to not be hurt by the secrecy. It explained so much, why Maya was spending more and more time with Liam, why she refused to have lunch in the cafeteria anymore even though they'd repeatedly assured her that Liam would be welcomed to join them. It even explained the start of Maya and Shane's discord, although Riley was perversely glad to know that Maya had been hiding things from Shane as well.

She reached Maya's locker, and had started to enter the combination when, speaking of the devil, Shane approached her.

"Is Maya okay?" he asked immediately.

"Oh, now you care?" Riley couldn't help but ask, her tone snarky. Maya had been agonising over Shane off and on over the entire weekend, and even this morning had had to hide her hurt when he'd walked past her without acknowledgement.

"Of course I care Riley," he answered.

"Oh, so where were you all the time? Lunch is almost over and I know that the entire school knows what happened by now."

She turned away from him as she finished taking the lock off and opened the door.

"I was in the nurse's office with Liam's cousin and my brother," he explained. "The nurse had already examined Maya and sent her off when I got there so I stayed for Liam. Besides, my brother said that Maya mightn't have wanted me there anyway since we're fighting."

"Yeah well if you really knew Maya you'd have known that she would have wanted her boyfriend with her," she replied as she took the bag out and, balancing it on her leg, opened it. She started rifling through till she found the book Maya described, and, opening it, she indeed saw several sheets of paper that she assumed to be the letters she had been sent to fetch.

"What is that?" Shane asked, reaching over to take one. "It looks familiar."

"Don't tamper with the evidence," Riley bid, smacking his hand away. "One of the guys involved has been sending her these for a while," she explained as she replaced the bag. "Apparently he likes her and thinks that caveman antics are the way to go to secure the girl."

She glanced at Shane when he didn't respond immediately, and saw him looking at one of the pieces of paper with a slight frown.

"She lied to me about the paper," he realised.

"Yeah well join the club," Riley replied as she closed the locker door with a bit more force than necessary. "All I know is that Maya and your friend have been bullied for a while now and told no one, which is really stupid because you'd think that after me and Farkle she'd know better than to hide these things." She started walking away at that but paused to look back at him. "Are you coming or not?"

"Should I?" he asked.

"You should have already been there," Riley answered pertly, offering him no quarter.

She knew that she was being a bit meaner than she would have been otherwise, but honestly, she had too many emotions and thoughts coursing through her to try to reassure a next person that all was well. That focus needed to be directed toward Maya right now, her nature wouldn't allow her to be borderline rude. Besides, for all that Shane had been weird with Maya over the past few days, she was pretty certain that she'd still be glad to have her boyfriend with her after going through something like this. And so, she gestured for him to come along.

"How is Liam?"

"The nurse wants to send him for x-rays," he explained, his tone terse. "She's pretty certain his ribs are at least fractured."

"That's horrible," Riley gasped. "Maya mentioned that he got kicked a lot."

"He did," he confirmed. "Liam doesn't want a next ambulance showing up so we're waiting for his guardians to get here."

"And the two guys who tried to beat them up?"

"One of them's going to limp for a few days," Shane said, and Riley heard the satisfaction in his voice. "I…I didn't know Maya had that in her."

"There's a lot you don't know about Maya," Riley told him pointedly.

"Yeah well that's one of the things I think we need to work on. I want to know everything about her."

Riley stopped at that and turned to look at him for one long moment. It didn't sound as romantic as it did when Maya described her words, and she cocked her head as she observed him. Pulling Maya's notebook to her chest he said, "Maya's boy?"

"Yes Maya's girl?"

She didn't smile at his rejoinder. "Maya chose you to be her boyfriend, and that's the most important thing she's probably ever going to say to you or do," Riley said frankly. "She's never going to be an open book. If you want to really know her, you need to find a way to get beneath the surface."

"And how do I do that?"

"I'm not telling you," Riley said, before continuing to walk. She'd given him more than enough with that.

Shane bypassed her to hold the door open when they arrived at the office. She nodded in thanks and stepped in, heading directly to Mr. Jackson, holding it out to him.

"Are you done talking to Maya?" she asked the man, looking past him to where the office where Maya had been stationed.

"For now," he confirmed. "We, of course, have to interview the rest of the students' involved, but, given the security footage we've secured it's clear that Ms. Hart and Mr. Graham are indeed the victims in this. Once her mother has been briefed on the matter, she'll be free to go home. I believe your father said that your mother is accompanying her."

"Good," she breathed out in relief. "Can I go back to her?"

"Sure. Ms. Smackle left shortly after you did with Mr. Babineaux but one of your other friends took their place sitting with her."

"Thank you sir," she said gratefully, and bypassed him to re-enter the office, Shane following her.

Riley was only half-surprised to see that it was Lucas and not Farkle there in the room with Maya, and she stopped in the doorway to look at them tenderly. Lucas had Maya tucked into his side, her head settled beneath his chin as he talked softly to her. Maya's eyes were closed, and Riley was more than happy to see that she looked a lot calmer than she had before. She resisted the urge to coo when she noticed that one of Maya's hands was fisted in the material of Lucas' shirt, and she knew that, were the situation different, she would have already taken her phone out to capture such a peaceful moment.

She pulled her gaze away from them when she felt a sudden tenseness beside her, and turned to see Shane glowering at Maya and Lucas. She pulled a face at that, and roughly jabbed him in the side before giving him a pointed look.

"How are you okay with this?" he asked her, his voice carrying into the room.

Maya let out a soft sound at his voice and slowly opened her eyes. It took her a moment to orient herself before she pulled back from Lucas, looking up at him with confusion. "Riley brought your boyfriend," Lucas explained in slow, gentle tones meant to be soothing and Riley smiled at the care in his tone.

Maya looked towards them then, and while Riley was happy to see that Maya's eyes seemed a lot less turbulent than before, she frowned when guilt clouded them before, with a wince, she pulled back from Lucas. Sensing the potential for an awkwardness she didn't fully understand, Riley headed to them and pressed her hand briefly against Lucas' shoulder before crouching down in front of Maya.

"Hey Peaches," she whispered to her.

"Did you find the letters?" Maya asked her, her voice soft and listless.

"Mr. Jackson has them now," she confirmed, putting her hands on her knees to keep her balance. "I met Shane coming here. He was with Liam all this time so he can tell you how he's really doing. Is that okay?" she added, leaving it up to Maya to decide.

Maya looked past her for a moment, undoubtedly looking at him before she met her gaze once again and slowly nodded.

"Okay," Riley said easily, before straightening and looking towards Lucas. "Want to wait with me by the school entrance till our mothers get here?"

"Sure Riley," Lucas agreed. "Maya?"

She nodded her head at his unspoken question. "Thank you, Lucas. I'm okay now."

"No you're not," he told her but stood regardless. "We'll be back shortly."

Riley didn't comment until the two of them were in the corridor. "Lucas...I know this really isn't the time to discuss this but…can we talk about what just happened sometime?"

"Me and Crawford?" he asked for clarity.

"Yes," she confirmed, because something was not right there and she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

"Sure," he agreed easily. "Why? Did he say something to you?"

"I'm not sure," she responded. "I-I just don't like how he reacted just now. But like I said, let's not deal with that now."

"Whenever you want."

Riley forced herself to ignore it for now, but later on, when Maya was safely home and she was trying her best to learn something in her Biology class, the thought would plague her. She was on Maya's side completely now, not at all understanding why Shane had had such a big problem with Maya and Lucas being together like that in the office. That was the new normal for them and she had absolutely no issue with it.

So why did he?


	36. Chapter 36

"Katy?" Topanga called out as she let herself into her friend's apartment, using her foot to close the door behind her. There was no immediate response, but she decided against calling for her again in case she was busy with Maya. Truthfully, there was nothing she had to say that couldn't be done later via a phone call, and so she was content with just putting the things she had brought with her away before letting herself back out. She had just emerged from the kitchen after arranging the alphabet magnets on the fridge door to spell out "Open me" when she saw Katy walking into the living room, her hair tousled as if she had been lying down.

"I didn't imagine you calling then," she said by way of greeting as she yawned and came around to the couch, dropping down next to the bag Topanga had left there.

"Didn't want to disturb you," she responded as she joined her. "How's Maya doing?"

"She's asleep," she responded. "She's really scared Topanga. I don't think it really hit her how much danger she was in until she got home. I don't know what would have happened if those teachers didn't get there when they did…"

Katy sniffed at that, lowering her head. Topanga reached out and pulled her into a tight hug, taking comfort from it as well. She had forced herself into lawyer mode once she had entered the school compound, but, truthfully, she had wanted nothing more than to just drop down on Maya's other side and try to comfort her as well. Katy's fears weren't unfounded. William Graham's current state was worrisome, but, when she had heard the condition Mr. Jackson had found him in the previous year? That knowledge had been enough to raise all the hairs on her arms and had her demanding to know why Adam Willis hadn't been expelled and arrested back then.

"I'm okay," Katy said shakily, after a minute. She pulled back and wiped at the few tears she had allowed to slip loose. "I can't – I can't do this now. Maya needs me to be strong."

"Maya is safe in her bed right now," Topanga reminded her. "Now's the time to take a moment for yourself."

The blonde woman nodded at that, seeing the truth in her words. "I knew something was wrong the second Cory called," she said. "I specified on all those application forms that he could handle anything that came up with Maya, so for him to tell me to come in? I-"she broke off, briefly burying her head in her hands. "That boy was really going to hurt her, Topanga. You saw the footage."

"He's in custody now," she reassured her. "He won't hurt anyone else. I'll make sure of it."

"We're pressing charges?" Katy asked her, and Topanga's mouth quirked slightly at the 'we', glad that Katy knew that she wasn't alone in this.

"We haven't yet," she answered. "You do have the option to, but realistically speaking, unless we go after him from a 'he abused a helpless girl' angle, he'll get a misdemeanour for simple assault. It's what he's done to William Graham that will put him away."

"Liam," Katy corrected.

"Right," Topanga said with a rueful half smile. "Liam's uncle pressed charges immediately but so far they've only booked him for a hate crime and aggravated assault. Once they have the full medical report they'll tack on more charges. Given his age and the fact that this isn't a first-time offence, he'll be serving time for this…no matter what his disgusting excuse for a father says."

"His parents showed up?"

"His father," Topanga answered with a grimace. "Let's just say I can see where the kid got the attitude from although father dearest was cowering in a corner by the time I was through with him."

"There's my shark lawyer," Katy joked, causing Topanga to chuckle. "What about the other one?"

"Zander Gallagar," Topanga said with a sigh, briefly rubbing at her forehead. "The kid's a nutcase," she said bluntly, and despite the situation, Katy let out a strangled laugh at that. "No, he really is," Topanga explained. "From what I could gather he and Liam started off as friends until the guy figured out he was gay. Their friendship went south in the worst possible way. He was the instigator that led to him getting beat up last year."

"And he did it again this time?"

"Yes," Topanga said, shaking her head. "When he saw Liam and Maya hanging out together something snapped in his brain and he somehow felt like he has to protect Maya from Liam. I guess somewhere along the line the kid decided he liked Maya and that what happened today was him protecting her honour."

"Topanga that's madness."

"The school counsellor told me off the record that he'd been recommended for psychological evaluation more than once in middle school. However, he, until now, has acted normal enough," she said, quirking her fingers in the air, "that it remained just that, recommendations that his parents ignored. He's been taken in for evaluation now, and, once again while you can press charges against him I honestly don't know if it'd be worth it. Even if he gets more than community service, he won't get the help he needs in a juvenile detention centre.

"He can't get away with this," Katy protested.

"He won't," she reassured, reaching over to take her hand. "But, if there's one thing the years have taught me is that all people can't be dealt with the same. He admitted sending the letters to Maya, and when Cory and Mr. Jackson went through his locker they found that his notebooks were filled page after page with rants. Some were about Maya and Liam, but also about a lot of other things that raised more than one red flag. It's your choice in the end, but I personally wouldn't bring him before the courts."

"But will they be back in school?" Katy asked then. "Topanga, I don't want them anywhere near Maya."

"I'm not above throwing my firm's weight around," Topanga reassured her. "The principal seems like a flake and trust me I'm going to be looking more into her because Katy, like I said before, Adam Willis should have never remained in that school after what he did. I'm giving them two days to handle it to my satisfaction or else I'm raising hell," she finished with a wicked smirk.

"Topanga thank you," Katy told her sincerely. "You're doing so much for us and it's Monday and just left work half-day and-"

"Shhhh," Topanga bid. "There was no way I wasn't going to come Katy. Besides, I told you," she continued with a grin, "Mondays aren't busy for me."

Katy chuckled at that but leant over so that she could put her head on Topanga's shoulder for a few seconds. "What's that?" she asked, finally noticing the stuff she hadn't had the time to put away.

"Oh that," Topanga said, leaning over to take and hand her the bag. "There's a container of brownies in there and an envelope with all the stuff Cory collected for Maya. It's her homework and any handouts she would have gotten this week since we weren't sure how many days you'd take her out for."

"Forever," she grumbled.

Topanga restrained a chuckle at that. "There are a couple containers of Chinese food in the fridge. I figured you wouldn't be up for cooking tonight."

"Topanga," Katy protested, even though her face reflected gratefulness.

"I also brought you this," she added, shooting her a mischievous look as she pulled out the final item, a bottle of red wine.

"You are ridiculous!" she declared, laughing.

"It's happy hour somewhere, babe."

"And that right there is Shawn's influence."

"Yeah, well I had to pick up something from him after all these years," she returned.

"Thank you for all of this, Topanga," Katy said, gratefully. "I just don't know what I would have done without you and Cory today."

"You would have managed," Topanga reassured her, giving her a one-armed hug. "You're a strong one Katy Grace."

"I am," she agreed, "but I'm still glad I have such good friends like you."

"Family," Topanga corrected, tapping her finger against her nose. "You're the future Mrs. Mr. Cory Matthews," she teased, "and that makes you my sister."

"Well then, you're the best sister I could ever ask for," Katy returned with a soft smile. "How about we crack this bottle of wine open now, huh?"

"I'll take a glass for the road," Topanga agreed readily, as they got up and headed into the kitchen, Topanga opening the bottle while Katy dug up two glasses. "You don't have to worry about the kids coming by," she said. "I told them to give Maya some space. No guarantee they won't blow up her phone, but it's up to her to decide when she's ready for company."

"Does that mean I should set up a sleeping bag for Riley outside Maya's window?" she joked.

"I'll tie her to her bed if I have to," Topanga promised. "She doesn't do well with boundaries sometimes. It's a Cory thing."

"Better that than his hair," she quipped, causing them both to giggle.

Soon Topanga would leave, and, all alone, Katy would return to her daughter's bedroom and just lie next to her as an ever vigilant guard, determined to ensure that her baby girl would never experience something like this again. For now though, she was content to just relish in the company of her closest friend turned sister, and, just for a few minutes, pretend that all was right with the world.

*

Maya grimaced as she sat up. The soreness in her shoulder was much more pronounced now than it had been before she had fallen asleep. She experimentally tried to raise her hand, and bit back a gasp of pain once she passed a certain angle. Yeah, she wasn't going to try that again for a while… She stared down at slumbering mother for a moment, glad that she had stayed even after she had slept. Seeing her there like this staved off the residual fear that threatened to creep back up and assault her. She didn't really get it, but the more time that passed, the worst she found herself feeling. She reached out, tempted to shake her mother awake for a hug, but decided against it. There was no need for the two of them to be awake and miserable. And so, instead, she carefully eased herself off the bed, taking stock of all the aches and pains that were only now making themselves known. She grimaced, but ultimately decided that nothing was unbearable and so, she opted against searching out pain killers.

She padded quietly across the room and through the door, glad now that Shawn had taken up oiling all the hinges in the apartment as it opened silently. Shooting her mother one last look, she wrapped her arms around herself as she walked to the kitchen, her stomach protesting loudly along the way. It was only now that she remembered that the last time she had eaten had been that morning, and even then, it had only been a bowl of oatmeal and fruit alongside some orange juice at Riley's place. The stove top was empty, and resigned, she pulled the fridge door open, ready to dig out some leftovers when she saw two take-out cartons. She took them out, and, spotting two emptied wine glasses on the counter, wondered if someone had come over while she had been sleeping. She took them back into the living room and sat, opening them one after the other. Waiting for her was the noodles and Chinese-styled chicken she was particularly fond off from the restaurant near to Riley's apartment building. Mrs. Matthews, she thought fondly as she started eating.

She finished all the noodles and most of the chicken before the gnawing feeling of hunger started to abate, and so she slowed her pace to a more leisurely one. She had dropped her phone on the coffee table once she had gotten home, and now she reached for it. She turned on internet access to it before setting it aside as she continued to eat. As she had expected, it started to vibrate crazily for nearly a full minute before finally settling down. Still, she let it be until her chicken was done and she investigated a container left on the table, happy to see brownies in there. She let herself indulge in one full square of the chocolatey treat before, reluctantly, taking up her phone once again.

She prioritised, ignoring any messages or tagged posts from anyone outside of her immediate friend group. She snorted as she saw how many new connection requests she had gotten on the school's social media site over the past few hours. It was like homecoming all over again, and, rolling her eyes, she mass-accepted all as the stupid system was rigged so that that action could be done with a single click whereas she would have had to manually reject each request. Doing that cleared a lot of the notifications automatically much to her relief, allowing her to more easily sift out the remaining content. The Art Club and the Show Choir message groups was ignored for now. Given the message count she knew that it'd take a long while for her to sort through all of them, and that, by now, someone – probably Dylan, Shane, or even Emily who technically was in both groups – would have issued some sort of statement.

She decided against responding to Shane's messages for now. It wasn't that she was still upset with him – going through what she had had caused a reassessment of her emotions – but, she couldn't deny how short he had been with her even as he had tried to offer her comfort. She didn't have to think too hard to understand why that was and she just…didn't want to deal with that right now. Dylan's message was a lot more supportive, and like always, she got a big-brother sort of vibes from him that lifted her mood minutely, while from Emily she had an update about Liam, telling her that he was now home from the hospital and that his fractured ribs would just need a lot of TLC, but that he would, ultimately, be fine. She sent up a silent prayer of thanks at that before moving on.

Riley's message was surprisingly concise and it's phrasing had a parent-ish undertone that implied that she had been cautioned against disturbing her, something she was surprisingly grateful for. Everyone else's messages echoed the same sentiment, although Maya found herself smiling minutely at Smackle's stilted effort at communication. She really was trying, she acknowledged, and, like with Riley, directed a series of hearts her way.

She lingered longest over Lucas' message. It was a single line - "I'm here when you need me" – but it was enough to have Maya pulling the pillow closer to her chest. Everything had seemed a little easier to bear when he had shown up in the office. The tightness in her chest seemed to ease and just watching him standing there, waiting for her to make the first move had been enough to make her stop hugging her knees and extend her hands to him. He had reacted immediately, and within seconds he was seated beside her, letting her direct what she wanted from him. She was glad that he did. Despite the fact that both the sight of him plus his trademark cologne screamed his identity to her, she had still hesitated when he entered her personal space, her mind screaming that he was another male and thus had the potential to be threatening. It was only now that she recalled flinching when Mr. Matthews had held out his jacket for her to put on, so she supposed that her initial reaction to Lucas was not unexpected.

But then he had spoken to her, his voice carefully moderated, and that had been enough to snap her back to reality. She had looked up at him, taking in his concerned green eyes and with that, the last barrier towards him had evaporated, and with a cross between a sigh and a sob, she had leant against him, allowing him to pull her closer to him so that she could use his chest as a pillow. She recalled grasping his shirt, using that as a secondary anchor while she closed her eyes and allowed his presence to waft over her. Despite all that high school had flung at them, she still considered him to be the strongest person she knew, and though there was no threat here in the office, feeling that strength so close to her was enough to relax her, and she had closed her eyes, letting him whisper nonsense words to her until Shane and Riley had arrived, her boyfriend's words essentially shattering whatever peace and comfort she had found.

Lucas had been reluctant to leave her even then, and so had looked to her for guidance. She hadn't wanted to let him go, and indeed briefly contemplating asking Riley to come join them so she could have even more comfort, but, even though she had been in a daze, the logical part of her mind spoke up enough to remind her that yeah, that would definitely increase Shane's anger towards her, and so, reluctantly, she had backed away and allowed him to take Lucas' place.

She was so grateful now that Lucas had been able to set aside his anger for her. She knew that it could not have been easy for him. She could imagine his immediate reaction about hearing that she had been hurt, but that hadn't stop him from coming to her, delayed though it had been. She could understand that. Lucas' temper would have undoubtedly been aroused, and in her state, she was grateful to not have had to deal with that. It wasn't to say that Shane hadn't been able to comfort her as well. It was just that the two of them still did not have an easy dynamic. They were still figuring out how to interact with each other. Plus, she supposed, there was the lingering tension between them to contend with. However, in the end, she had settled her head upon his shoulder and he had sung softly to her, which, in its own way, had been soothing.

But now, seated here in her living room with nothing more than a container of brownies to keep her company, all the emotions of the day started to weigh heavily upon on her, including the upheaval that had preceded Adam and Zander showing up in that corridor. She had made so many mistakes recently, and it was only now that they were slowly but surely becoming apparent to her. All of this was her fault. If she hadn't gone against her better judgement and had told someone that Adam was once against after Liam it could have ended then and there. With her as a witness to the incident, Adam would have gotten detention, and, seeing how protective everyone was over Liam, she knew that secondary measures would have been taken. She also could have mentioned what Zander was doing to someone – someone other than Alex who, just like her, was concerned but too wary about upsetting Liam to go against his wishes.

A more ridiculous voice in her mind whispered that it was her fault to begin with that Liam had been hurt. That if she'd followed her initial plan and had just broken away from Riley and the rest of them and stayed on her own that none of this would have happened. She would have never become friends with Liam, and thus effectively removed any need for Zander to pursue them. She didn't give the thought much weight though, but still, it was there, adding to the list of what ifs and maybes plaguing her.

She also could have handled the situation between her, Shane and Lucas a lot better so that they would not be heading towards a major falling out now. Thinking about it, she realised that there was indeed a slow but steady change in her dynamics with Lucas, something, she believed, had started after their conversation at the train station. She had told Lucas that she wasn't certain that she could trust him again and that she needed time to process and accept once again that he was committed to her and would not leave her. And yet, from the very next week, upon seeing him, Maya had felt like everything between them was fine. Maybe she had just needed a verbalised commitment from him. Or maybe it was the fact that he seemed so earnest in his desire to fix things with them. Or perhaps it was just that she had lowered her defences towards him once she was certain what his motives had been.

They were close now, perhaps even closer than they had been before the whole triangle thing had started, and while she loved it, she had to consider how that closeness could be interpreted outside of their group. They'd been labelled as their year's favourite couple back in middle school based on how they interacted with each other. How could she not expect Shane to be jealous or worried now, and that wasn't even considering his own familial history. She had been so blind, and perhaps even somewhat selfish, but, she supposed a part of her had been working under the assumption that if Riley – her best friend and Lucas' girlfriend – had no issues with it, why should anyone else? This was the same Riley who had come out of Topanga's when she and Lucas had been hugging technically too long, and yet she didn't bat a lash when she saw them in close proximity. And while she wasn't in the frame of mind to try to understand the change in Riley's behaviour at this point, she had to acknowledge that if it was bothering Shane then perhaps she really had to take a good look at what she and Lucas were doing and perhaps, dependently, change.

Except…

The hurt that realisation evoked was equally as intense as the fear that had coursed through her earlier, and suddenly, she felt overwhelmed. She tossed aside the pillow in favour of pulling her legs up so she could hug her knees, and, burying her head in them, she started to rock herself to and fro, trying and failing to calm down. It was too much, all too much, and while she wanted nothing more than to go and find comfort in her mother, the walk to get to her bedroom seemed almost insurmountable and so she just tightened her grip on herself further, as if that would keep herself in check.

Lost as she was in her thoughts and emotions, her senses dulled. She didn't hear the sound of the front door locks opening and closing, nor did she hear her name being called. She jolted when the couch depressed though and she lifted her head, blinking through her tears. She expected to see her mother, but it was Shawn's concerned eyes that came into view. She sniffled, not understanding why he was there. He wasn't supposed to be in New York. He should have been on a next out of town assignment, and yet, somehow, he was there beside her, travel coat and all, with a haggard expression on his face. He had cut his trip short to come home. She had caused yet another person trouble. And yet, she couldn't bring herself to speak, to part her lips and apologise for the inconvenience. Instead, her lip wobbled and, much like she had done with Lucas, she freed a hand to offer to him, begging for the help she wasn't certain she really deserved.

Shawn reached out and pulled her bodily to him, and the moment her face hit his coat she broke down, loud sobs and wails escaping her as she gave in to her baser emotions, trusting that Shawn could and would help her put the pieces back together once she was done falling apart.

*

Shawn had no idea how much time he spent there holding Maya while she cried in his arms, but god, he hoped to never be in such a position again. Her crying had been heart-breaking, and it physically hurt him to see her so miserable. Her sobs had eventually tapered off, but she had made no move to talk and he hadn't wanted to risk speaking either lest it set off a next bout out of crying. Except, she had been silent and still for a while, and so, finally, he risked shifting himself enough to see her face, and, as he half-expected, she was asleep in his arms, tear tracks visible on her face. He tucked her back against his chest, resigning himself to a long, uncomfortable night because there was no way in hell he was going to move and disturb her.

He must have eventually started to doze, because he awakened suddenly when he felt something being settled over himself. He opened his eyes and found Katy looking down at him apologetically. Oh, she had been trying to tuck a blanket around him and Maya.

"Hey," he whispered, careful to keep his voice low enough to not disturb Maya.

"Hey yourself," she returned, although her volume was a bit louder. He followed suit, trusting her to know just how loud they could be without disturbing the slumbering teenager. "I woke up and realised Maya was missing. I told you to wake me when you got here."

"She started crying as soon as she saw me," he answered apologetically, even as he patted the spot beside him.

She sat, and leant over to kiss his cheek before snuggling close. "Thank you for taking care of her," she said, "and for coming back."

"You don't have to thank me for that," he told her seriously, wrapping his arm around her. "You needed me. She needed me. There's nowhere else for me to be."

She looked at him searchingly for a moment before offering him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry Shawn," she said. "It's hard for me to realise sometimes that you're mine, ours. That this is just stuff that you're supposed to do."

"Don't be sorry," he returned. "We've both had it hard before. We're still straightening things out."

"Okay," she responded.

She leant over him enough to grasp and finish arranging the blanket, ensuring that all three of them were covered. "How long are you here for?"

"Until," he responded with a shrug. "I was going to lock off after this assignment until Thanksgiving passed anyway, so I'll just get Tony to switch me to local gigs for now."

"Can you do that?"

"Sure," he reassured. "I've been the only family-less staff member on hand ever since I started working there, so until now I've been the one who got sent out whenever people's personal lives reared up. The guys actually started ragging on me after we got engaged saying that it's my time now. Of course I don't think anyone would have wagered that it'd happen the first time because some assholes tried to beat on my kid and her friend, but…here I am."

"I'm glad you are," she responded simply. "I'm scared."

She sounded far younger than her years when she said that, and Shawn's protective urges rose, causing him to pull her even closer to his side so that he could press a kiss to her forehead. "I'm here now," he reiterated. "You don't have to deal with this alone."

"There's so much to do," she said tiredly, resting her head against him. "A counsellor is coming tomorrow and I think I also want to have her checked out. The nurse says she's fine but I noticed that she's babying her shoulder. One of the guys jerked her by her arm, and I want to make sure that nothing's permanently damaged."

"Her rotator cuff maybe," Shawn responded, resisting the urge to start prodding at her shoulders to check for himself. "It's annoying but not too serious, especially at her age."

"Dealt with it before?" she asked curiously.

"Why do you think I'm looking forward to having two bag holders," he teased, grinning at her.

She chuckled, causing him to smile. It was nice to see some of the worry ease from her face. "You do realise you're stuck here until she wakes up, right?" she asked, looking to where Maya shifted slightly obviously make herself more comfortable against him.

"Part of the job," he said easily, stroking his hand along her back. "You can head to bed if you want. I don't mind."

"No, I'll stay," she answered. "My two favourite people are out here."

"So are mine," he returned, before pressing his cheek against her hair, and relaxing in a way that he could only do when she was with him.

*

"All alone, Smackle?" Zay said by way of greeting as he reached their usual meet-up spot to see only her there, a science magazine in her hand.

She looked at him, her expression softening slightly as she gestured for him to sit beside her. "Farkle decided to walk Riley to school this morning. He said it would give her a degree of stability."

"Well that's nice of him," he responded as he settled his bag between his feet. "Lucas' gone for a run so he'll be here closer to when the bell rings."

"Does his increased desire for endorphin release have something to do with yesterday's altercation?"

Zay stared at her, trying his best to figure out exactly what she was saying without assistance. It clicked after a moment. "Right…you're asking me if he's running to feel better."

"I suppose I am," she allowed.

"In that case, yes. We had a few close calls with him yesterday and it's not like there are hay bales around here for him to toss around till he feels better."

"Is he still mad at you?"

"You know about that?" he asked, her, surprised. He and Lucas had only argued once school had ended and they were safely aware from the rest of their group. And, it wasn't like his friend to air out their personal grievances publicly.

"Your bodies were very stiff when you were standing by each other when classes ended and your voice rose half an octave whenever speaking to him. Your voice rises when you are upset, is normal in most other cases, and lowers when you are speaking of personal matters or trying to be taken seriously."

Zay stared at her, honestly bemused by her analysis. He didn't even stop to consider the accuracy of it – Smackle was never wrong – but he couldn't help but feel as if she had gone beyond general research about human behaviour. What she had just said was tailored specifically to him. He blinked at that realisation, not sure of how to assess it. "He is mad at me," he said instead, holding back a sigh. "I suppose some of it is earned. I did know something was wrong but I didn't say anything."

"But you are not to be held accountable for that," she rebutted. "You were assured that he was not a threat were you not? For you to have said anything after that would have risked drawing unwanted attention towards Maya and her companion. They would have been angry at you for that."

"So basically I was in a no-win situation to start with," he huffed, his shoulders shaking. "Lucas doesn't get it Smackle," he said, clasping his hands together. "He's never been the one bullied. He doesn't get how ashamed you can feel when it's happening to you, how much you don't want to draw attention to it because you're afraid that people would turn around and say that it's your fault, that if you were just normal that they wouldn't have targeted you in the first place. But I've been there and I saw it written all over Liam's face just looking at him. He thought he had the situation under control, and Lucas can't know how empowering a feeling that is. If I had told someone, and it had gotten back to them – to him – he would have been humiliated. I can't deny that maybe this wouldn't have happened if I had told someone, but, god, at least the guy gets to keep his pride."

"And that is important?" Smackle inquired, her voice uncertain now.

Zay considered how best to reply to that before he settled upon an analogy. "Imagine you have a great idea, something that will get you out of school tomorrow and into NASA full time. Imagine not sharing that idea because, gee, I don't know, you wanted to check out the calculations more or something. Except you spend so much time on it that you miss the opportunity to submit your idea and there's nothing you can do about it."

"That would be devastating," she responded immediately.

"Now imagine in a year you see a scientist at NASA come up with that idea of yours. How would you feel?"

"Sad," she said after a moment's thought, "but still…happy that my idea was valid, even if I did not have the credit for it?"

"That feeling is sort of what Liam's probably having now."

Smackle's eyes widened at that. "You were in the right then," she declared. "You allowed Liam to gain a sense of accomplishment."

"I wouldn't go so far sugar," he said, his mouth quirking, his mind throwing up an image of the sophomore with a trophy celebrating surviving a beat-down, "but you've gotten the gist of his feelings."

Smackle's expression grew thoughtful. "I have never had someone explain emotions to me like this," she told him.

"I thought Farkle's helping you with that?" he asked.

"He tells me that I should not worry about it," she explained, reaching back to toss her hair back over her shoulder, "that with more experience I will understand it. But there are some things I do not think I can comprehend that way, like this. You helped me with that."

"Well that's Farkle being all scientific for you," Zay scoffed, although there was no heat behind his words.

Smackle set the magazine she had been holding down beside her, and turned her body towards him. "Before we began our relationship, Farkle always stated that like forces, no matter how much they attempt otherwise, will always repel each other. Like if you try to put two magnets together without switching their polar points," she added, when he shot her a confused look.

"Ohhhhh," he said knowingly. "He thought that the two of you were too alike?"

"Indeed," she confirmed with a nod. "We are very much alike, and sometimes, increasingly, I wonder if he is right."

Zay frowned, surprised by her words and the sadness that laced them, even if she was unaware of that fact. "Sugar, what are you talking about exactly?"

"I am talking about the fact that I am unable to help Farkle," she explained, reluctantly meeting his gaze, "much like I was unable to offer Maya any assistance yesterday. Both times Riley did what I could not do, and I am not content with that."

"Smackle you're doing a great job," Zay rebutted gently. "You're special, extra-ordinary, and we all know that. No one expects you to do anything you are not comfortable with."

"There is a difference between my discomfort towards social tasks and my inability to assist my friends when I wish to do so. I lack the equipment to help Farkle in the way I wish. And that extended to Maya as well yesterday. I do not know how to offer people comfort Zay."

"I saw you holding her hand, sugar," he gently contradicted. "That was you offering her comfort. I'm sure she appreciated it."

"I had no words for her."

"What did you do when you held her hand?" he asked, sitting up straighter.

Smackle tilted her head, considering it. "Her hand…it trembled as she talked. I started to rub it between mines until it stopped."

"And don't you think it stopping meant she was better?"

Now it was Smackle's turn to stare at him, as if she had not considered that. "I suppose I did help," she allowed. "Maya did smile at me when I made to leave."

"That was her thanking you for what you did," Zay told her gently. "And if it helps, you did a great job making me feel better Saturday."

"In what way?" she inquired. "I only told you that I was glad that your family was safe now."

"Which let me know that you're glad that I'm around," he answered, smiling at her. "That's exactly the sort of thing I needed to hear. See Smackle? You know what to do, even if you aren't aware of it."

"I am, aren't I?" she questioned after considering it. "You truly believe that to be the case, Zay?"

"I know it is," he returned, scrounging his nose at her, a gesture that caused her to chuckle and look away.

"Zay?"

"Yes, Smackle?"

"I believe you are useful to me," she said. "I feel…different now having spoken to you, as if the insubstantial thoughts that have been distracting me are gone."

"I'm glad to help," he told her.

"You said that I was awesome during homecoming," she reminded him then. "Is this still the case now? Even if you see that I have made very little progress since then?"

"I remember telling you that there wasn't a thing you needed to change," he answered, "and I still think that. We like you for who you are."

"All of you do?" she pressed.

"All of us," he confirmed. "Why? Do you still feel like an outsider?"

He watched as Smackle shifted, obviously uncomfortable with his question. "I do not wish to pursue this conversation any further," she said abruptly.

He nodded at that, though he still wondered exactly what she had been getting at. He stored it away for another time, trusting that, whenever she was ready to, she would bring it up with him once again. "We don't have to talk about that," he allowed. "Maybe instead you can use that genius brain of yours to help me get back into my friend's good books?"

"I will handle that," Smackle declared. "Lucas is being entirely unfair with you and I will not stand for it."

"You're going to defend my honour?" he couldn't help but ask, surprised.

"I shall," she confirmed. "Give me five minutes, and you shall have an apology from him and a promise to not be unreasonable again."

Smackle was wrong about that calculation though, perhaps for the first time in her life.

Rendering Lucas repentant would only take her three minutes and a half minutes.


	37. Chapter 37

Riley knew that she wasn't being as talkative as she usually was as the three of them walked the distance from the subway to Maya's apartment building, but, honestly, she wasn't quite sure what she could say that would add to the muted conversation Farkle and Smackle were having. Usually she would try to at least follow along, even if she never quite understood the terminologies they used. Moreover, it was always a pleasure for her to watch Farkle's face light up as he spoke about what he loved, and she could spend hours on end just watching his eyes sparkle. Today though, she couldn't bring herself to do more than give him the occasional glance – mostly to ensure that he didn't walk into something given the size of the object he was carrying.

As they reached the street and the refurbished apartment building came into view, Riley wondered at the nervousness that was slowly building within her the nearer they got to where Maya was. She wasn't sure she was equipped to handle this, a silly thought given how many things she and her friend had gone through over the past few years. Nevertheless, in this matter she felt slightly out of depth, and suddenly wished that Lucas was here with them since he would know exactly what to do or say. Her and Maya's recent history proved that she could no longer be fully trusted to know what was best for Maya. And, if she were completely honest, she would admit that she still bore some hurt and resentment over Maya having not confided in her about what had been happening.

"Are we sure that Maya is prepared for visitors?" Smackle asked as they entered the building. "It has only been two days since her experience. Perhaps it is too soon?"

"She asked us to come over," Farkle reminded her. "She wouldn't have if she didn't feel like she was up to it. Plus, I doubt her mom or Mr. Hunter would have agreed if she wasn't better."

"Maya, in some regards, is a very robust person," Smackle agreed. "However, I hope that she is not pushing herself beyond the limits she is comfortable with. She should take whatever time she requires to feel secure once more."

"She should," he acknowledged. "What do you think Riley?"

Riley considered it for a moment. "I hope she stays away until all the gossip dies down," she said, grimacing slightly as she thought of the firestorm that had engulfed the school since the fight.

She didn't know if the sustained interest was because the school so rarely experienced violence or because of Maya's lingering popularity. Or maybe it was because it was her friend's second time being beaten up by the same person. Whatever it was, people were still harassing them for details they were reluctant to reveal and she had taken to sticking close to Lucas whenever possible because his glower was downright terrifying and did quite a good job of keeping nosy people away.

Reaching the apartment, she knocked on the door, a mere formality since she knew exactly where the spare key was to let them in. She heard her uncle's muffled voice and, rightly assuming that he was calling for them to enter, she pushed open the door.

"Uncle Shawn?" she called out as she took in the empty living room.

"One second Baby Cory," he returned from the kitchen.

Riley huffed at the nickname, although she knew that – this time at least – it came out of a place of fondness rather than mockery. Smackle stepped forward next to her, curiously looking around her. It was only then that Riley realised that this was her first time at Maya's place and she smiled slightly when she gave in to her curiosity and wandered over to the wall to look at the assortment of pictures littering the wall, many of them recent additions now that her uncle now called this place home.

"Hey kiddies," he greeted a moment later, his tone cheerful as he came into the living room. Riley walked to him for a hug, noting that, although he seemed genuinely glad to see him, there was a tiredness in his eyes that had her squeezing him just a bit tighter. "Thanks for coming over. I know Maya will appreciate it."

"Thank you for having us, sir," Smackle replied, although she didn't turn away from the picture she was examining.

Riley chuckled as he cocked his head slightly in her direction before, after a moment, asking, "Isadora Smackle?"

"That's me," she confirmed, briefly glancing at him. "You are hairier than in the pictures Maya has shown me of you."

"Smackle," Farkle sighed.

"Leave her be, robot," Shawn told him with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Cory keeps me up to speed with all of you. I understand that she's harmless."

"I'm not a robot sir," Farkle told him. "I've seen my birth papers. Farkle Minkus is a real boy."

"Yeah, not buying it kid," he said with a mischievous smirk. "Minkus could doctor one if he really wanted. I must admit though, he put in some work into your upgrade. You got that nerd-chic vibe working for you now."

"I'm a real boy!" Farkle protested.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Shawn returned. "Or should I say deactivate?"

"Your mannerism is very similar to Maya's," Smackle observed as she moved to stand beside Farkle. "Are we certain you two are not biologically related."

"I wouldn't have minded if we were," Shawn grinned, "but I didn't have the pleasure."

"Eww," Farkle remarked, crinkling his nose while Riley only frowned, wondering at his reaction.

"Mr. Hunter made a lewd joke Riley," Smackle explained patiently.

"So you're the robot's genius girlfriend right? Did Minkus hire you to keep him up to date."

"I do my best to help Farkle achieve his fullest potential," she said probably.

"Smackle you are not helping," Farkle groaned in return.

"Enough teasing, Uncle Shawn," Riley finally said, giving him a reprieve. "I believe you're a real boy, Farkle."

"That's the Topanga in you," Shawn scoffed.

"Where's Maya?" she asked him trying to redirect the topic for Farkle's sake.

Maya's name caused her Uncle to instantly sober up. "She's been in her room all afternoon," he responded. "Her counselling session didn't go too well."

"Should we be here then?" Smackle asked hesitantly.

"I'm actually hoping the three of you could help cheer her up a bit," he admitted, dropping down so that he was sitting on the arm of the couch. "She needs time to heal, that's a given, but I think her isolating herself like this won't do her much good in the long run. That just isn't in her nature and I hope your visit can job her out of it before it goes much further. Look," he added, reaching out to touch her arm, "I know that Maya's made some unfortunate choices, and that you may be a bit upset with her about it. But, trust me when I say that no one is more aware of what she should have or shouldn't have done better than Maya herself at this point. So maybe keep that in mind? She's had more than her share of people being mad at her already today."

Riley stared at him for a moment before nodding, not even questioning how he knew how she was feeling. Her dad loved to talk about how she and Maya were a diluted version of him and Shawn, so maybe experience gave him the intuitive knowledge of what she felt. "I won't," she promised. "I love her. I always will love her."

"And that's all that matters," he responded sincerely, before standing. "I'll leave you guys to it then," he said waving towards the corridor leading to the bedrooms. "Come on out whenever you're hungry. I'm in charge of the grub tonight and I promise to make your taste buds explode."

*

Maya looked small, really small, and for a second, Riley just stood in the door way, unable to move as she just stared at the miserable looking ball that was her friend. Maya was hugging her knees, her default position whenever she was physically trying to get the world to just leave her alone, and, despite her own conflicted feelings, she started forward, instinctively wanting to cuddle her and let her know that she wasn't alone and didn't have to deal with it by herself. Smackle pulled her up short, reaching out and latching onto her sleeve.

"Maya is like me right now," she explained quietly. "Do not touch her unless she expresses her desire for it."

That made sense, Riley acknowledged, even as, at the sound of Smackle's voice, Maya lifted her head, using her hand to sweep her messy hair off her face.

"School's over already?" she asked, her voice croaky and listless.

"It's almost five, Maya," Farkle replied. "What have you been doing?"

"Nothing," she replied, and, almost reluctantly it seemed, unfurled herself. She leant her head back against the wall as she looked at them. "I meant to change," she said by means of apology, referring to the old pair of pyjamas she was wearing.

"That doesn't matter Maya," Riley said. "How are you?"

Maya shrugged her right shoulder at that but waved them forward. Smackle made a beeline for the chair, taking and dragging it close while Riley sat down beside her, heeding Smackle's advise and leaving some space between them. Farkle didn't claim her other side immediately though. Instead he stood in front of her and held out the giant teddy bear he had stashed away in her dad's history class for the entire day. Maya frowned slightly, her eyes darting from it to him and back again.

"I'm not Riley," she finally said. "I don't do cute things."

"Actually, you do," Farkle rebutted, the corner of his mouth lifting in a smile as he held it out to her. "I didn't get it for you because it was cute though," he explained when finally, hesitantly, she took it from him. "I wanted you to have something you could hug beside yourself."

Riley watched as Maya's eyes widened at that briefly before she looked down at the teddy bear with new interest. After a second she pulled it flush to her body and squeezed it tight, burying her head in its fur for a long moment.

"You're welcome," Farkle told her gently as he sat on the bed.

They all waited patiently until Maya finally lifted her head again, her eyes sparkling in a way that Riley suspected meant that she had allowed the bear to absorb the few tears that had sprung up in her eyes at his words.

"What is your condition Maya?" Smackle inquired. "Are you healing well?"

Maya sniffed and freed a hand wipe at her nose before she responded. "I have a tear in my shoulder from where I got yanked," she explained. "It's not too bad but I have to take it easy for a few weeks. They gave me a sling I'm supposed to wear when I'm moving around a lot."

"Where is it?" Riley asked curiously, looking around the room.

"I gave it to Ginger as a blanket," Maya declared, her tone slightly petulant.

Riley chuckled at her tone and decided against scolding her. She was too glad to see a sign of Maya's more defiant nature shining through the air of melancholy that surrounded her. "I've missed you, Peaches," she admitted.

"I'll be back soon," Maya promised, looking at her. "Mom wants everything settled before I come back, and who am I to complain about free time from school?"

"Are you getting your work done?" Farkle asked, glancing to her desk where papers and books were scattered about.

"I finished it all yesterday," she responded. "Don't ask me if anything's right though."

A silence descended upon them after that, an awkward one in which no one really seemed to know what to do or say to move the conversation forward. There was a giant elephant in the room that Riley knew needed to be addressed but, with Maya looking so woebgotten, it seemed like they were all reluctant to steer the conversation in that direction.

Maya, surprisingly, was the one to break it. With a deep sigh, she gave the teddy bear one last squeeze before carefully putting it to sit beside her. "I know you're mad at me," she told them. "I deserve it. So go ahead and yell. I won't get upset."

"We're not going to yell at you," Farkle said immediately. "And I don't think any of us are mad either. I think we just want to understand why you didn't tell us."

"You should be," she replied miserably, wringing her hands together in her lap. "Everyone else is. Just tell me how much of a failure of a friend I am."

"Who has said that to you?" Smackle demanded with surprising ferocity. "Tell me and I shall deal with them."

Riley blinked in surprise, her mind throwing her back to Monday morning when she and Farkle had arrived to find Lucas, looking suitably cowed while Smackle waggled her finger in her face and thoroughly chewed him up, Zay looking on with barely disguised amusement. It was a side to her she had never seen before, and she couldn't help but wonder now what was spurring her to be so forthright with her feelings.

"Who said it doesn't matter Smackle," Maya responded quietly. "The fact is that it's true. Riley," she continued, causing her to look at her. "I know you're probably really upset with me. You can't deny that."

Riley sighed, knowing that she couldn't lie about that. "I just don't understand why you didn't say anything to me, to any of us," she admitted. "Why would you keep something so big from me?"

"I didn't think it mattered," she replied. "It was just notes in my locker."

"And it was just texts on my phone," Riley rebutted.

"Yeah but unlike you they weren't bothering me," Maya said. "Getting them was annoying but I didn't give a damn about what was written on them."

"But it escalated Maya," Farkle pointed out. "You started to get them every day. At what point were you going to tell someone?"

"When I thought I couldn't handle it," she answered him honestly. "I was handling it."

"You couldn't have known that this would be the outcome," Smackle offered, adjusting her glasses. "If you had had an inkling that things would have turned violent I am sure you would have said something."

"I may have," Maya agreed.

"May?"

"It's not that simple Farkle," she said, and Riley heard a distinct edge of frustration creep into her tone. "You guys don't get it. No one gets it. There's no way I could have just said something and that would have magically fixed everything. Someone would have ended up angry with me whether or not I said something. I thought staying silent would have been the best option. It wasn't."

"Who's angry with you?" Farkle asked, echoing Smackle's earlier question. "It's not us, not really. And it's definitely not Lucas and Zay. They were all for skipping their game to come here today."

"It doesn't matter," Maya responded, as she sunk back against the wall.

"Maya," Riley said then. "Will you explain it to us? I thought Liam was your friend. I thought that you preferred his company over ours…that you were starting to like him more than us. Is that true, or did you just not want him to be alone? Are you just hanging out with him because you want to protect him?"

Maya didn't answer her immediately, but they gave her the time to process the question. "It started that way," she slowly admitted, pulling the teddy bear back onto her lap. "I was hiding out in the art room because I didn't want to be around you guys," she explained slowly. "He showed up with his cousin and seemed weird, but not a bad sort of weird. It just grew from there. I knew that he was in the art room all the time for a reason, and he'd refuse every time I asked him if he wanted to hang out with us, but I didn't know immediately why he was hiding in there. I didn't just want to abandon him once we fixed things between us but it's not like I was only there out of duty or something.

"I really do like him, Riley. He's my friend, and I think we had the potential to be great friends. He's taught me so many things and just gets art in a way no one else I know does. I want him safe just like I want all of you safe and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I'm sorry I didn't realise how much my friendship with him would bother you Riles, and I know that usually whenever someone has a new friend we'll just integrate them into the group but I couldn't just do that with Liam. He and Zay got along fine and I know they talk now but he's…different, and I knew he wouldn't sync in with us as easily as Zay and Smackle did.

"Because of that I decided to just keep him away, to have two distinct friend groups. It sounded easy at the time but it's so tiring, exhausting even and no one realises that. No one sees how much effort I have to put into making sure no side feels neglected, to keep a balance and I'm tired. It takes everything I have to just keep you guys co-existing and now more than ever I don't know if I'm better off just getting rid of one, consequences be damned. It'd at least give me back time for myself."

"I didn't know that that was how you felt," Riley admitted, feeling guilty. She'd never looked at it from that perspective, and now she felt guilty for all the times she ribbed Maya for not being with them as much as before. Every time she had done that Maya would laugh and make a joke of it, but, for the next few days would be around a lot more before slowly trailing away again. She'd never complained about it, but knowing how much effort it was causing her made her feel guilty. She hadn't seen just how thing Maya had been stretching herself.

"Well maybe you should get rid of one," Smackle said matter of fact. "I see no issue with this as long as we are the group retained."

Despite her melancholy, Maya snickered at that, a slightly hysterical sound. "If only it were that simple," she replied.

"Shane's on the other side of the equation Smackle," Fackle explained. "Maya can't just give up her boyfriend."

"Why not?" Smackle said, almost indifferently. "They are still in the early stages of their relationship. I am certain that it has yet to progress beyond infatuation therefore her severing ties with him should not be too difficult. If she really desires romance, Zay is available for wooing."

"Smackle!" Riley gasped even as Maya laughed outright at that, a welcomed sound.

"Hold on," the genius girl said then raising a hand. "I retract that statement. I do not like that idea. Why does that idea bother me?" she asked seriously.

"Smackle?" Riley said inquiringly as she stood abruptly and started to pace, a hand coming up to tap at her chin.

"She's pondering a hypothesis," Farkle explained, his tone light although, when she looked at him, Riley saw a definite crease in his forehead as he looked at his girlfriend. "She'll be like that until she figures herself out."

"I may not have to end up choosing," Maya said then, bringing their attention back to her. "I may have ruined things completely with that side anyway."

"Maya, tell us," Farkle demanded. "Just what is happening? Mr. Hunter mentioned someone being mad with you."

"Liam is," she answered, "and it's more like he's furious with me."

"Why?" Riley asked, perplexed. "You saved him. He can't be mad at you for that."

"Oh, he thanked me for that," Maya answered, before reaching out and pulling the teddy bear back into her lap to squeeze tightly. "He called me earlier. It's the first I've heard directly from him since it all happened. He thanked me for my part in helping him before telling me that he's through with me."

"Does he think distancing himself from you will keep you safe?" Farkle asked, trying to make sense of what she was saying.

Maya sighed deeply. "I didn't not tell anyone," she admitted, reluctantly meeting their gaze. "His boyfriend and I made an agreement. We would keep each other in the know about what was happening with Liam when he wasn't in our respective purviews. Except we both knew that Liam wouldn't like it. That he'd see it as us hiding things from him, and that's as good as deception in his book even if it was well-intentioned. We both knew that and still agreed to do it and now it's backfired. When Liam told Alex about the letters he admitted that he knew about it and told Liam about the stuff he had been sharing with me, stuff that Liam hadn't wanted me to know and vice versa."

"And he took it badly?"

"He broke up with him," Maya said with a sniff. "They've been together for like forever and he broke up with him and then then ended his friendship with me."

"That's not fair," Riley protested but Maya only shrugged.

"It's not like I didn't know it was a possibility," she admitted. "I just never thought it would get to this point. I didn't know it would escalate so much. It was just stupid letters in my locker. How could I know it would go so far?"

With that last emotive statement, Maya buried her head into the back of the teddy bear. Riley shot a frantic look at Farkle who, just like her seemed unaware of what they should do. Did she want them to touch her? Hug her? Usually she would just turn to one of them, and, as much as Riley wanted to, Smackle's earlier warning echoed in the back of her head. And so, she settled for just reaching out and, cautiously, put her hand on her knee, Farkle mimicking her. After a moment, she felt the bed depress again and she saw Smackle sitting there, worry plain on her face. Swallowing, Riley offered her her hand. Smackle stared at it for a moment, before gingerly taking it.

Maybe this was the best they could do for Maya currently, but at least, Riley hoped that she realised that she wasn't on her own in this.

*

Lucas's arrival the following day wasn't exactly unexpected, Maya thought as she watched her mother close the bedroom door behind her once Lucas had entered. Indeed, she supposed she had anticipated it, because she had made an effort to appear more put together than she had the day before. True she was still technically in pyjamas, but, sweatpants and an old tank top paired with a shirt that had seen better days over it in her opinion, was an improvement. She wouldn't say that her interaction with her friends yesterday had been a complete disaster – far from it. Riley had forgiven her for not confiding in her and collectively, they had all done quite a good job of reassuring her that she, at least, still had them by her side.

"So they sent in the Calvary, huh?" she said, as she sat up fully and set aside the yet unnamed bear that she'd been cuddling for the last few minutes.

Lucas nodded and set his bookbag down near to the door. "By the time Riley told me what happened I was sure you were sleeping. I would have called last night otherwise."

"It's okay," she reassured him. "What's that?" she added, gesturing to the brown paper bag he held in one hand.

Lucas crossed over to the bed and held it out to her. "I heard that your doctor prescribed you a course of chimichangas. I wanted to make sure you were taking them as you should."

Maya smiled at that and reached out to take it from him, wondering if it was ridiculous that she felt a kernel of happiness welling up within her at the small sign of kindness. "Sit," she invited, scooting over a bit. She opened and took out the treat while he settled himself on the bed next to her. It was still warm, she thought happily as she tore it in two before offering half to him.

"You're sharing?" he asked, surprised, even as he accepted it from her.

She didn't respond, and instead took a bite of it, humming in delight. Lucas was right; she was already feeling a lot better. She ate slowly, relishing it. He finished his half way before her, and when finally she popped the last piece in her mouth, she blinked when he offered her a handkerchief taken from his pocket. "You saying I'm a messy eater?" she asked, even as she took it.

"I'm saying that your mom probably has some really interesting pictures of you from your toddler days."

"Marinara sauce is meant to be worn," Maya quipped, causing him to chuckle.

It took her a moment to realise how comfortable she felt right now. There was none of the awkward tension she'd experienced yesterday, no hesitance on either of their parts. She wondered if it was because she could safely assume that Lucas was no more peeved with her than any of the others had been or if it had more to do with just him being who he was. She wasn't blind; she knew that despite Smackle and Riley's best efforts that it was Lucas who had managed to make her feel safe and thus comfortable enough to finally relax in the office. Lately, he was the one she felt most at ease with, and that final thought drained all merriment from her face.

"What is it?" Lucas asked immediately, picking up on her changed mood. "Tell me what you're thinking."

Maya sucked on her lip for a long moment, unsure of how best to respond. Lucas probably thought that she was thinking about the fight or even what she had discussed with the rest of them yesterday. But truthfully her mind had drifted to more personal matters, ones that she'd been trying and failing for the past few hours to deal with since she'd gotten Shane's texts. Her fears about losing her second group of friends so far had not materialised. Emily had called her later that evening once she'd found out what Liam had done and reassured her that he was simply being an idiot and to give it a few days. Alex had echoed similar sentiments, and surprisingly, unlike her, he didn't seem as upset by the turn of events.

She wanted to believe his reassurances by virtue of him knowing Liam longer but she couldn't. Unlike Alex, she knew and understood his desire to eliminate people from his life once they proved to be detrimental or untrustworthy and she knew that her actions had definitely fallen into that category. Even if he could forgive his boyfriend, she doubted that that consideration would apply to her. In that moment she had had a sudden deep feeling of regret as she wondered if Josh had gone through something similar when she had walked away from him. Shane's commiserations had only come today, and had served as a reminder to her that decisions had to be made on that front. She supposed that it was only natural that once she started dwelling upon that that her phone would vibrate with a message from the Texan telling her that he was on his way to see her.

"Is it okay if we talk about something not exactly related to the fight?" she requested tentatively.

Lucas shot her a curious look but nodded, adjusting himself so that they could more easily face each other. "We can talk about whatever you want."

"Even if it's about Shane?" she pressed. "Because you made me promise that I'd talk about our relationship."

"Did something happen?" Lucas asked seriously, instantly on alert.

"No, nothing bad," she hurried to reassure him. "It's just…before those guys showed up, Liam explained why Shane doesn't like you. Why he will never like you."

She watched Lucas' face carefully as she said it, trying to gauge his reactions. To this day, he had never revealed exactly what he and Shane had talked about, but all the clues were there for her to put together if she paid attention, and she finally had.

"And why is that?" Lucas returned, striving to keep his tone neutral.

In that moment, Maya felt her respect for him grow tremendously. Even now, when she had basically given him an opening to reveal what had happened, he was choosing not to, and she knew that that was because he didn't want to unnecessarily colour her opinion about her and Shane. No matter what happened, she knew that he would not try to influence her decision and she really appreciated that fact.

"Shane's parents had issues in the past," she said, trying to be vague enough to respect Shane's right to privacy. After all, he still didn't know that she knew the truth about his parents, and she wasn't sure he'd have appreciated her spreading it around even if he were aware of the fact. "Issues that basically eroded the trust between them for a very long time. My friendship with you reminds Shane of that, and it bothers him a lot. It's something that I think will always bother him."

"Unless you stop being friends with me," Lucas guessed his tone entirely unimpressed.

Maya swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. "Exactly," she managed to say. "But I don't want that to happen at all," she hurried added. "It's why I want to talk to you about this before I talk to Shane because I need to figure out what the two of us can do first because I really do not think that there is anything I can tell Shane that would get him to change his mind about us."

Lucas nodded, accepting that. "What is it that you want to do?"

"We've had a bit of a rough patch," she told him, underexaggerating the situation, "and I suppose me lying about the letters has only compounded that. But that's not what matters right now. What matters is how selfish I've been about this entire thing."

"You're not selfish," Lucas rebutted immediately. "Maya, you're the most unselfish person I know."

"I'm really not," she returned with a shake of her head. "If I wasn't selfish I wouldn't be trying to find a way to salvage my relationship with all of you."

"Riley mentioned that," Lucas said. "She said you feel like you're torn between two groups. If I've contributed to that I'm really sorry."

"Don't be," she answered. "This is all my fault. My own selfishness had brought me here."

"Putting yourself first sometimes isn't selfish," he corrected. "Wanting to interact with more people isn't selfish. Maya, I know how much you've given up in the name of friendship and love so I don't blame you for trying to hang on to what's left. Please don't cheapen yourself by denying that."

She looked away at that as her mind threw her back to the subway and the moment she'd realised that she'd mistaken Lucas' intent. She had thought that he'd dismissed her reaction to it, or had long since forgotten about it, but his phrasing seemed deliberate, and she found herself swallowing again, this time against a sudden lump in her throat. Although it was hard to, Maya forced herself to simply push aside that entire train of thought.

"Shane doesn't necessarily see it that way," she responded. "You're a threat to him, and it's something I've known ever since he reacted so badly to me stuffing away the letter. I think he thought it was from you." She shook again as she recalled just how intense his reaction had been. She'd manage to defuse him but only through a lie that had now backfired royally on her. At the very least, she thought wryly, at least she had been hiding a bullying incident and not something more nefarious. "He's still upset about it now."

"It wasn't as if you'd told anyone about it," Lucas pointed out, and Maya couldn't help but feel guilty. Despite his best efforts, Maya detected a hint of censure in his voice.

"I'm sorry Huckleberry," she apologised, nipping at her lip as she looked at him. "I swear I won't hide something like that from you again."

Lucas stared at her for a moment before nodding. "Thank you," he said simply. "I can't protect you from what I don't know."

"But it's not your job to protect me," she reminded him.

"Then whose job is it?" he asked, quirking a brow at her. "Your failure of a boyfriend with self-esteem issues?"

"Lucas!" she gasped, surprised at the derision in his tone.

"I'm sorry," he apologised although she knew he didn't really mean it. "But what do you expect me to say? He was the last one there when you were hurt and the first thing he did was comment on me hugging you. I know he hasn't been to visit you yet and since you didn't mention him at all yesterday I'm thinking that today's the first day you've actually spoken to him since then."

"You can't put all of that on him," she explained gently. "I told him that I didn't want any visitors."

"And yet here I am," Lucas pointed out. "You didn't turn me away."

"Because it's you," she said exasperatedly. "I will never turn you away Lucas, and that is exactly why Shane doesn't like you, doesn't like us. That's why we need to talk Lucas. I have been very selfish. I've insisted on keeping the both of you in my life when I damn well know that neither of you like each other. I've been causing the both of you discomfort just because I want it all. But I can't keep doing this Lucas. I know you're willing to put up with Shane but he can't do the same. And since I like being someone's girlfriend I need things to change."

"Change how?" Lucas asked, his voice considerably more subdued now as he looked at her.

She sighed and raked her hands through her hair several times. "Shane will never accept us," she repeated.

"No boyfriend should ever expect his girlfriend to choose between him and a friend. Maya, I know my place. I would never begrudge the relationship you and Riley have with each other. He should be able to do the same."

"Except when Riley and I together he doesn't think we're dating," she said, her voice raising a bit in frustration. "A lot of people see it that way Lucas, even if you haven't realised it. There are people walking around Abigail Adams who think that we're a couple, not me and Shane, you and Riley. Shane's painfully aware of that, and it has him on edge, it always has. Shane lost me to you for homecoming Lucas. People watched him nearly kiss me on stage and still turned around and voted for you. His friends are always around looking at us and reporting to him. They're telling him all sort of things, that we're too close, that they don't hug him or sit so close to him all the time so why am I doing that with you? He watches us too and it raises his fears every time he sees us together. Just like so many other people Lucas he thinks that our relationship goes way beyond friendship and that's going to ruin my chances with him faster than anything I can do on my own."

"Is there something between us?" Lucas asked, and Maya felt as if she had been struck by a bolt of lightning.

Lucas was looking at her intently, speculatively and as much as she wanted to, she couldn't break her gaze even as her mind raced with how best to answer that. Because now that she had actually verbalised all of the things people had been saying about them she actually saw it. Hell, she and Lucas were alone in her bedroom right now, and although she had gently brushed off her friends' touch the day before, she was mere inches away from Lucas and still felt safe and protected. She cared for him, really cared for him, and she knew it wasn't like how she'd felt before the triangle had begun or even during it. It was a different feeling altogether – a huge difference – and she knew that if she dwelt on what that difference was she would fall into a rabbit hole from which she would never emerge.

"Don't ask me that question," she croaked out, forcing herself to look away.

"I had to ask," he said easily and she felt instantly relieved that he wasn't pressing the issue. "I'll remind you that my girlfriend – your best friend – has absolutely no ill-feelings about the way we interact with each other. You don't seem to have a problem with how we interact either and I definitely don't either Maya. Because, as far as I'm concerned, we're only doing what we promised we would at the train station. We promised to try to be friends again. We promised that you would give me the chance to earn your trust back and for you to prove that you can't bring out the worst in me. Should we break that promise?"

"I-"

"Because, I'll say again that Riley has no issues with us and we're both well aware of how she acts when she's jealous, even if she's trying not to show it. That's not at all the case here. And as for what people say, we've always been different. Farkle's the guy who's gone around for years declaring that the two of you will be his wives and yet Smackle's never minded. Riley spends more time with Farkle than me lately and I don't care. Hell, I'm glad for it because while Farkle's my best friend she gets him in a way I can never hope to. She probably understands him better than all of us, and I'm okay with that. So forgive me if I'm being stubborn Maya, but I really hope that you're not trying to tell me that you want us to end the friendship we've worked so hard to rebuild because of what a guy you barely know wants. I'm not afraid to say that what we have is way more important than anything he can ever hope to have with you."

"I know that," Maya said, her voice trembling. "That's why I said that I'm selfish Lucas," she admitted as she felt tears well up in her eyes. "Shane isn't as important to me as you are right now but I have to consider the fact that he may be someday. Wasn't it the same with you? I let you into my life, into my group of friends that hadn't changed since first grade. We hardly knew you and here you are with after all this time. What if it's the same with Shane? What if there's something he can add to my life?

"He isn't bad Lucas. He's great. He makes me feel wanted. He's the first person that promised to make me his number one priority, and I agreed to be his girlfriend because that is what I wanted. I wanted someone who'd say that they'd choose me before everyone else, who'd care for me and my wants first. He promised me all those things and I asked him to be my boyfriend with that in mind. And yet now when there is one thing I can do to return that favour, to prove that I'll prioritise him as well I can't do it. I don't want to do it. I'm selfish Lucas."

Lucas' expression crumpled and Maya found herself fighting back the tears that threatened to fall when he stood abruptly and ran his hands over his short hair, finally lacing his fingers together behind his neck as he walked to her window. She stared at him as he stood there, rigidly looking out. She was uncertain about what part of her statement had upset him, and, rather than risk increasing that, she reached out and pulled the teddy bear back into her lap for moral support, burying her face in it until she heard the shuffle of Lucas' feet. He was standing near the bed, looking down at her, and Maya's heart lanced at the sorrow in his eyes.

"This is my fault," he said, his tone sombre. "My indecisiveness sent you right to him, didn't it?"

"I don't understand," she admitted.

"You don't realise what you just said, don't you?" he realised sadly, rubbing his hand against his forehead. "Maya, think about it. You chose him because he promised to make you his number one priority. You chose him because of the triangle, because I made you share a spot with Riley. I sent you right to him."

Maya's eyes widened because when put to her in that way, she realised that he wasn't wrong. She wouldn't say that he was the catalyst of it – her father probably was – but yes, Shane's promises of devotion had indeed seemed like a breath of fresh air after weeks of forcing herself to awkwardly demanding that Lucas keep the scales balanced between her and Riley.

"You see it," Lucas deduced as he dropped heavily down onto her bed. He bent forward and hid his face in his hands for a while before finally turning his head enough to look at her. "I have so much to make up to you for."

"No," she replied shakily. "Lucas you don't. Things are different now between us, better. We both know that."

"Because now I'm finally stepping up to the plate like a real Friar man would."

"You've more than proven yourself to me Lucas. Please don't think I begrudge you anything. We're teenagers. We make mistakes and we learn from them."

"I'm older," he shot back. "I should know better. I should have handled the situation better."

"Age doesn't have anything to do with this," she replied. "Please don't blame yourself. I think that Shane and I getting together was inevitable, just like you and Riley were. It's just that in my case Shane was the one doing the chasing."

"What are we going to do then?" Lucas asked her. "How are we going to keep you in a relationship with him?"

"By compromising?"

"How?"

Maya sighed, trying to figure that out herself. "What he doesn't know wouldn't hurt him, right?" she said, her tone musing.

Lucas frowned, trying to suss out her words. "You want us to hide our friendship from him?"

"I guess," she said, uncertain. "People seeing us together is the real issue. I don't want us to change, and neither do you. So, why don't we just not do that?"

"We're not doing anything wrong though," Lucas rebutted, straightening. "Our friendship is not some dirty little secret to hide."

"No, I don't mean that we should suddenly start acting like we don't know each other in school. Maybe though we can just keep the big moments to ourselves, like when we're like this or just hanging out with our friends who don't have an issue with it."

To her relief, Lucas didn't seem particularly against the idea; he was simply mulling it over. "Hasn't this week proven though that keeping things secret isn't necessarily a good thing?" he said mildly.

"I know that," she said, accepting the rebuke, "but I don't see a next option."

"I don't either," he admitted, "although I still don't particularly like this. Maya, you do realise that this is a short-term solution?"

"Maybe that's all the time I need," she replied. "I can work on showing Shane how wrong he is about the two of us and then we can start back being ourselves.

"I'm not sold on this one hundred percent," he told her honestly, "but if you think this is the best we can manage for now, then fine, I'll go along with it."


	38. Chapter 38

"I'm back," Lucas said unnecessarily as he re-entered the bedroom, balancing a tray easily in one hand. "Your mom's already talked to my mama. I'm staying for dinner."

"That's good," she replied, setting aside the yet to be named teddy bear that she'd been playing around with in his absence. "What did mom want you for?"

"To open up a couple of jars and get a pot off the high shelf for her."

Maya raised a brow at that. "She could have done that."

Lucas' face reflected his amusement as he responded. "She said that since Mr. Hunter isn't home as yet and there was a teenager around there was no need for her to make the effort. Why strain her delicate little arms when she has someone else capable of doing it for her?"

"Shawn's spoilt her," she explained ruefully. "He always tells us to make a list of the things that need doing and he tackles it once he's around. Last time he was here he emptied out all the jars into containers so that we wouldn't have to do it. You'd swear that we haven't been doing it ourselves all these years."

"Well that's exactly the point," Lucas replied as he set the tray down on her desk. "You've got male folks around now to pass off all those miscellaneous tasks to. It's the same with my mama. As long as one of us is home, the task is ours. That's the gentlemanly way to act."

"That's the Huckleberry way to act," she teased, before making grabby hands for the brownie he held out. She was definitely getting spoilt this week, but there was no way she was going to complain about it.

Eventually, done with her treat, she made to stretch her arms contentedly over her head only to yelp and drop it hurriedly. "Dammit," she grunted as she reached her hand up to rub at her shoulder. "I keep forgetting not to move the bloody thing too much."

"Let me see," Lucas bid, instantly on alert. She let him, wincing only slightly when he prodded carefully at it through her shirt. "It's definitely inflamed," he commented. "You've been accidentally straining it a lot, haven't you?"

"Like I said," she grumbled, "I'm forgetful."

Lucas frowned thoughtfully. "Riley mentioned a sling. Why aren't you wearing it?"

"Because Ginger loves it a lot more than I do," she replied pertly. "It's not that bad."

"Yeah well, it'll get a lot worse if you don't allow it to heal properly," he scolded gently, as he got up and knelt on the floor, starting to reach under the bed.

"Hey, you don't just go under someone's bed!" she protested, and (carefully) kicked at him.

"It's not like I'm digging around in your underwear drawer," he responded, his voice a bit muffled as he pulled himself under a bit more. He would have to work to get it out, she thought with some satisfaction. She had tucked it back there real good for Ginger's convenience.

"Don't touch any wet spots," she singsonged. "And don't wake her up if she's under there. She'll be a grumpy puss and I like your face scratch free."

"She's under here?!" Lucas squeaked, and, despite what he was looking for, Maya chortled.

"Maybe," she answered playfully.

Truthfully, she didn't know. Ginger wasn't technically her ferret. She'd crawled in through the hole in her wall in the summer before sixth grade and Maya had just…let her be, eventually putting together a box for her to sleep in and finding out what she ate. Ginger came and went as she pleased – probably returning to her real owner - going through the window now that the hole was closed.

Lucas emerged from under the bed after a bit, clutching the crumpled sling. He was surprisingly dust free, she noted, even as she worked on a convincing pout when he held it out to her. He didn't even respond, instead simply arching an eyebrow at her, until, with a roll of her eyes, she snatched it from his hand.

"Good girl," he praised, as he sat back down beside her. "Ginger took good care of it but she'll appreciate it more if it's used for its real purpose."

"I'll consider wearing it," she grumbled, setting it down beside her.

"Maya," he said, with a hint of exasperation. "I know you think it's going to make you seem weak, but unless you want some serious complications own the road, put your stubbornness aside and just use it okay? It's just going to be two weeks at the most, so just behave."

"Yes sir!" she quipped, saluting him.

He snorted at that. "You're absolutely ridiculous, you know?"

"Yeah well, it's one of the reasons you like me," she returned, flashing him a bright grin.

"One off," he agreed, as, almost absentmindedly, he reached over to brush her hair back over her shoulder. "I'm glad you know there are more than one."

Maya nodded, feeling a wave of shyness overtake her at the way his tone dipped as he said that. She met his gaze briefly, a small smile pulling at her mouth at the warmth she saw there. "I'll be back Monday," she said after clearing her throat. "Adams is expelled and Zander's still under evaluation but none of us really see the point of me going back for a day alone."

"I'm glad they're gone," Lucas said sincerely, although looking at him, Maya could see residual anger briefly flicker in his green eyes. "It may sound hypocritical of me to say this, but violent people really have no place in a school."

"You're not violent," she responded seriously. "Not anymore, and even back then, you had a valid reason for doing it. Maybe there was another way you could have helped Zay, but your intentions were good. And that's the major difference between you and them Lucas. I don't even understand why you were expelled for helping your best friend."

"Because you didn't see the other guys," he answered grimly. "The only reason their parents didn't press charges against me was because the abuse towards Zay was well-documented and they'd already started laying into him when I got them. Zay's parents threatened to press charges against their kids if they did against me and so the law was kept out of it. I got expelled, they were suspended and that was that. There was nothing good about what I did Maya. If I had just been protecting Zay I would have stopped after I'd pulled them off him. I went way too far that day, and I paid a heavy price for it."

"But you learnt from it," she rebutted gently, resting her hand on his knee. "You aren't that person any more Lucas. Your temper is under control now. You know that."

"Yeah well being Pappy Joe's farm hand for nearly a year was as good way of cooling my head and building patience," he answered. "And…my control isn't as concrete as you'd think. If it wasn't for Mr. Matthews I would have gone after them for what they did to you," he admitted. "I still have more growing to do."

"We all do," she replied. "And you stopped; that's important to note. Younger you mightn't have managed to do that."

"Yeah well younger me also had a lot more control when it came to you."

Maya's eyes widened as she stared up at him, wondering if she'd actually heard him correctly there. Lucas met her gaze for one long moment, before he sighed, looking away.

"I think that came out wrong," he muttered.

"I know what you meant," Maya responded, striving to keep her tone normal as if that statement had not caused her heart to flutter. "You'd do anything to keep your friends safe. I guess we're similar in that way, except unlike you, I have bruises to show for my efforts in trying to."

"Bruises?" Lucas said sharply, his head whipping back to look at her. "You're bruised?"

Maya nodded, albeit reluctantly. She only realised now that she hadn't mentioned that little detail to any of them yesterday. And, seeing how Lucas' jaw was now clenched, she wished she had kept it to herself. Instinctively, she started to rub the hand still laying on his knee over it, trying to relax him. "They'll be gone soon," she tried to reassure.

"They shouldn't be on you in the first place," he grated out. "How did you get them?"

It was new information, and looking at him she saw the way his jaw clenched and his body tensed. Instinctively, she started to rub her hand over his knee, trying to soothe him while she cursed herself for even mentioning it.

Maya sighed and pulled away, knowing that there was no way out of this conversation. She stood up and after looking at him for a moment decided that showing him would be a lot easier than trying to explain. There was a reason she had been wearing this jersey-shirt combo – the sight of the bruises bothered her tremendously. It was proof of how tight Adam's grip had been on her, and, seeing them tended to throw her mind back to those terrifying moments when he was far too close to her, his hateful eyes boring into hers. She barely resisted a shudder.

"Don't tell Riley," she requested softly. "She'll find bubble wrap to put me in."

"I won't," he promised, although his face showed no reaction to her attempt at humour.

Bracing herself, she shrugged out of the shirt.

Lucas swore, actually full on swore and Maya bit at her lip. She didn't need to look down to see what he was looking at. There were dark, mottled, finger sized bruises all over both of her arms from where Adam had grabbed at her or gripped her. Lifting a head she hadn't realised she'd bent, Maya's eyes widened at the cold fury etched on Lucas' face.

"Lucas?" she asked tentatively, uncertain if there was anything she could do to stop him if he decided to barrel out of here in search of her attackers.

It took him a second, but then he blinked and took in a deep shuddering breath, visibly calming. "I should have been there," he said gruffly.

"I'm glad you weren't," she rebutted. "I want you here with me, not shipped back to Texas in disgrace."

He stared at her arms for a moment longer before asking, "Come here?" while looking at her with suddenly gentle eyes.

Not for the first time she found herself struck by how in tune Lucas was to her. She had no doubt that he knew how she was feeling right now – vulnerable and discomforted with having the bruises on display like this and that even though she trusted him, right now, she might have reacted badly if he had approached her. And so, he had given her that agency, let her know without speaking what it was that he was offering, so that she could choose whether she wanted the comfort or not. Without a thought, she stepped closer to him, tensing but not flinching when he reached out and gently ran his fingers over her marred skin. Somehow, despite the fact that his fingers were roughened from years of yard work, she felt no pain. Indeed, his fingers left a trail of tingling skin – a sensation she acknowledged was vaguely familiar.

"I know that these will fade," he said softly, meeting her gaze. "It's the ones on the inside I'm more worried about. I know you will be okay Maya, but right now, you definitely aren't."

His words slammed into her and Maya found herself reaching up to brush the back of her hand against her nose. "I let this happen," she told him weakly. "I could have stopped this from happening if I'd said something."

"Don't," he said firmly. "The only person who deserves any blame is those two jerks who came after you and your friend."

"People keep saying that," she answered, her eyes starting to burn, "but I don't feel that way. I feel like it's my fault, like everything's my fault and that none of this would have happened if I wasn't around. Everyone would have had a great week, but instead all of you are worrying about me. I caused this. I don't deserve your concern."

"Maya," Lucas breathed out, shocked. "You can't possibly mean that."

"It's what I feel," she repeated, as a tear slipped free. She knew how morbid what she had just said sounded, but it was the truth. She really was feeling that way. She thumbed away the tear, and sniffed, determined not to start full-out crying. "I know that's a bad thing to think," she told him, her voice a bit watery. "I guess that's why they're swapping gym for meetings with the counsellor for the rest of the semester at least."

"Yeah well it is a bit of a red flag," he agreed as he lowered his hands until they curled around her wrists. She looked down at it, marvelling at how much larger his were and how comforting she found the pressure. She twisted her wrists enough so that she could rub her thumbs against his skin.

"I think what you said goes beyond this week," he said carefully, "but I'm way out of depth here. I can tell you it's not your fault, but I can't make you believe it. Hopefully the counsellor can help you get there, but I want you to know this. I worry about you because you mean the world to me and I want you safe. I want you around. I was an idiot for a few days and I'm always going to regret the time I lost with you by being a stubborn fool. You are so important to me Maya, more so than you'll probably ever know, so believe me when I say I will never not want you in my life. I will always want you around me, Maya Penelope Hart and I hope that you can believe that."

Maya sniffled at that, his words a soothing balm against the ache she felt. Before she really realised what she was doing, she pulled her hands free from his, only to wrap them around his neck. His arms wrapped around her and he spread his legs so that he had the room to pull her in closer. She sighed when he started to rub at her back and nestled closer to him. Hugging him was way better than hugging the teddy bear, she thought, and considerably much better than trying to hug herself. She didn't feel capable of vocalising her own thoughts, but somehow, she knew that it was unneeded. Lucas knew that she felt the same. That she enjoyed his presence and that he meant a lot to her as well. That she would always want him to be with her.

That last thought had her tightening her grip on him the slightest bit more as she accepted exactly what that meant, what she was feeling right now and the reality that that feeling was not something she could build upon. And so, she took a shuddering breath and turned her head so that her cheek was now pressed on his shoulder. Just for today she would forget about reality, about everyone else and the things she should or should not be feeling. And then, tomorrow, she would lock all of that back away and re-focus her attention on the guy she was supposed to be feeling these things for.

Shane.

*

"So, you're going to tell me what's wrong or not?" Zay asked, as he stopped spinning Lucas' desk chair around as he had been doing for the past few minutes. He braced his hands against the chair arms as he was hit by a wave of vertigo. It really hadn't felt that bad while he had been swirling.

"Why do you think something is wrong?" Lucas replied, briefly popping his head out of the closet where he was hanging up a couple of shirts. "Can't I just invite my best friend over for a sleepover?"

Zay scoffed at that, sliding down in the seat so that he could rest his neck comfortably against the back of the chair. "Hey, you're the one who keeps insisting that people can have more than one best friends. That usually means that a certain boy genius always joins us for sleep overs which is why we have 'em at his place since his bedroom's huge."

"Well he did mention having plans with Smackle," Lucas rationalised.

"Yeah, she told me," he answered. "Some new revolutionary thingamabob that's only on display for this weekend. Poor soul tried to explain it to me but no dice. She gave me one of her books to read so hopefully it'll make more sense when I'm done with it."

"Wow," Lucas said, once more sticking his head out of the closet to look at him. "You're willingly reading a textbook?"

"Yeah well a guy's got to get some education in sometime," he replied, tone slightly defensive.

Lucas eyed him weirdly for a moment before shrugging and returning to his task.

"Anyway," Zay said, "you not inviting Farkle over means you don't want him to know about whatever it is has been bothering your behind all day. That means it's either Riley or Maya that's on your mind and you don't want him involved as yet because he's way too invested in them to give you an objective response."

"You know me way too well," Lucas replied, as he finally emerged from the closet, closing the door with relief. That would definitely pass inspection come tomorrow, he thought with satisfaction as he scanned the room to ensure that everything was as it should be, air mattress aside.

"Perks of knowing you my whole life," Zay responded cheerfully, "so, spill."

Lucas sighed deeply, his chest heaving with the effort as he dropped heavily down onto the bed. "This does not leave this room," he said seriously, pinning him with a firm look. "I mean it Isiah," he added, using his full name for emphasis. "What I have to say is big and it cannot get out until…well I don't know. There may never be an until but you can't breathe a word about it. Promise me or I shut this discussion down right now. We've all been through enough lately. Let's not rock the boat again."

Zay whistled at the severity of his tone. "Okay," he said, sitting up straight. "Hit me. What's going on?"

Despite his promise, Lucas still hesitated to respond. Even though they were safely in his bedroom and he knew that Zay would keep his word, it felt wrong to give voice to the thoughts that had been plaguing him since his afternoon yesterday with Maya, when suddenly he had felt a monumental shift within him, one that finally gave him a word with which to label the feeling that had been building up within him for a while now when it came to that particular blonde. He wasn't sure if it was something he should put out into the open for fear that that alone would lead to a disaster. But still, he felt as if he himself would go crazy if he didn't tell someone, anyone, and who better than his childhood friend?

"I like Maya," he said, his voice cracking as he made the admission. "I really like Maya, Zay," he added, with a helpless shrug. "I may even more than like her."

Absolute silence met his admission, one that surprised him. He hadn't expected that from Zay, after all, he had been the one who had been ribbing him from the get go about his and Maya's relationship, and how cosy they seemed to get with each passing day. He looked at him, confused, only to frown at the expression of profound sympathy on his friend's face.

"Oh Lukey," Zay intoned sadly, "what are we gonna do? What can we do?"

"Wait," Lucas said, confused. "Where's the gloating? The 'I told you so'?"

"I'll save that for your wedding," Zay replied, "and when I'm telling my nieces and nephews how much of a dumb-dumb their parents are. But right now we gotta figure out how to get you two there."

"Zay."

"Look Lucas," Zay explained, "I've only been teasing you about everything because I wanted you to realise what was happening. But we both know I ain't too good about long term planning, and it's bitten me in the ass a lot, like right now. I don't got a clue what you should do now Lucas. You love Maya. You've always loved Maya, and the girl's crazy about you too. I just don't know what the next step is. This won't just rock the boat if it gets out you know? It'll sink it right to the bottom of the sea if you don't handle this right."

"Maya loves me?" Lucas inquired, disregarding the rest of his words. "You really think so?"

"Naw," Zay said sarcastically. "The girl loves you just like she'd love a brother. That's exactly why she walked around like a kicked puppy for days when you had your head right up your behind and is willing to risk the wrath of Shane to keep on talking to you now. Really think about it, will ya? The blinders are finally off. You can probably list ten things right now that shows how smitten the girl is with you."

Lucas indeed thought about it, leaning back on his hands as he reflected on their quiet moments together. Maya had clung to him desperately the day before as if he had been the only thing anchoring her to reality and had spoken of topics he definitely knew she had not told to Riley because there was no way that the brunette would have kept something so deep to herself. She had pushed him back until he was leaning against her wall afterwards so that she could just snuggle close to him, her head resting comfortably against his chest until they'd been summoned to dinner, and even then she had let out a regretful sigh, as if leaving his side was the last thing that she wanted.

He thought of that moment in the subway station when they had finally put their issues to rest. Lucas recalled now the half-sob that she had let out when she'd heard exactly what he had meant to say, remembered how she had buried her face for one long moment before squaring her shoulders and stating firmly that it changed nothing between them. Except that it could have. Lucas felt so stupid now. In that moment, Maya had realised that by walking away at the lodge she had inadvertently lost the chance for the two of them to have been together, and then, selfless person that she was, instead of speaking her mind then, she had pressed on with the current situation, refusing to take away the happiness that Riley had.

Lucas swallowed heavily at that, his heart swelling that much further for the blonde who even now doubted herself. Maya had sacrificed her chance at a relationship with him for the sake of Riley, and, in order to avoid temptation had turned her attention elsewhere, even though, inevitably it seemed, they were being drawn back towards each other. Except that just couldn't happen, he thought dismally, coming right back to the dilemma that had been bothering him ever since he had left Maya's apartment. They both had feelings for each other, but there was no way they could have each other with a huge fallout, a fallout that neither of them wanted.

"She loves me," he finally said sadly, "and I do her, but there's absolutely nothing we can do about it. She'll never hurt Riley in that way and Riley…I still care about her Zay," he admitted. "She's my first real girlfriend and she's Mr. Matthews' daughter. I can't do her wrong. I can't do either of them wrong."

"I know you care about Riley, Lucas," Zay replied gently. "It's why you've been trying to give her your best. But Lucas, let me be honest with you. It just isn't working out buddy. And if you're honest with yourself, you'll admit that you know that."

"Maya had to tell me to take her on a date," he admitted ruefully. "It was as awkward as the first time we tried it. I don't think either of us had any real fun until we were just walking about talking-"

"Like you always do?" Zay interjected wryly.

"I guess Maya was right about that," he said reflectively. "Riley and I are best when we're talking…as friends. It's awkward otherwise. And you're right as well. I don't…feel like doing anything with her, you know?"

"Aye, let's keep this PG you pig," Zay joked.

"I don't mean like that," he snapped, tossing a pillow at him. "I mean the regular stuff, hand holding…kissing. I just don't feel it. She's adorable but sometimes I have to keep myself from chucking her under the chin like I'd do with Mary Beth. God, why hasn't Riley complained?" he asked, perplexed. "I thought I was being okay with her, but thinking about it…I haven't. And she's so vocal usually. Why hasn't she called me out on this?"

"I've got a theory," Zay replied with a shrug, "but trust me when I say I really don't think you've been hurting the girl in any way. She's been as vocal as you about how normal you and Maya are together and how stupid it is that Shane has a problem with it."

"Exactly," Lucas replied. "She'd say if she wasn't happy, and you're so right. She always equates me and Maya to her and…ohhhh," Lucas finished, his eyes widening. "You don't think…?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," he replied, lifting his hands defensively, "but yeah…I think there might be something there. I know you hate Shane, but the dude really does have a reason to be concerned. You and Maya act like a couple most of the time you know and maybe if Riley was more into you it'd be a problem for her as well. But I don't think that's either of your faults really. From what I've seen it's just always been that way with the two of you."

"Does Farkle like Riley?" Lucas couldn't help but ask, trying to wrap his mind around the new unfolding dynamics that he really hadn't paid much attention to thus far. Now that he was really considering it, he supposed that he could see signs of Riley liking Farkle, something, he noted with amusement, would have rendered seventh grade Farkle unconscious for a week. And, he supposed that it was a testament of his feelings towards Maya that he had absolutely no issue with her turning her attention elsewhere. The more he thought about it actually, the more he could actually see it working.

"I can't say definitely," Zay replied carefully, "but if what Smackle's been saying lately is anything to go by, she at least suspects it to be the case."

"She's said something to you?" he asked, curiously. "I now realised that you two are spending a lot more time together."

"Yeah well we sort of bonded over being companions on the periphery."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Zay shrugged. "Nothing."

"It is not nothing Isiah Babineaux," Lucas responded. "Tell me."

"It's just something Smackle came up with," he explained reluctantly. "She and I are the weakest links among the six of us with her being up for snipping before me.

"Why the hell do you think that?" he demanded, shocked.

"Because it feels like that sometimes," he muttered looking away.

Lucas stared at him for a moment. "What can I do to fix this?"

"There's not anything to be done," Zay responded. "When I first got to New York I felt like I'd lost you okay? I was so excited to get here, wanted to surprise you and you were far from happy. Look, I get it," he pushed on, preventing him from speaking, "I threw a bit of a spoke in the whole Lucas the Good bit you had going but you weren't the only one who changed Lukey and we were fine once you realised it. But it was still hard for me. I felt like the only reason Farkle and Riley let me join was because I was your best friend. I don't think Maya was bothered about it either way."

"She admitted once that she was glad that I'd gotten a piece of Texas back," he revealed.

"She'd say that," Zay acknowledged with a small smile. "I stopped feeling that way after a while but Smackle sort of brought it all back up when she admitted that she doesn't feel like she has a firm place. She's Farkle's girlfriend, and she's not sure what she'd be in the group if that goes away. I think that's why she keeps sizing herself up against Riley but more and more, I get the sense that she feels like she's losing."

"Smackle's our friend in her own right though," Lucas said, "at least that's how I feel and I know that Riley and Maya feel the same way."

"Yeah well we're sort of the first actual friends the girl's ever got, so excuse her for being protective of it."

"So that's why you're hanging out more?"

"Naw," Zay replied. "She's a great gal. That's why I like spending time with her. She got a spunky side underneath all that science stuff. It's fun to see it come out," he said with a small grin before growing serious. "That's why you're not in the clear Lukey," he said, pointing at him.

"What do you mean?" he asked, honestly confused.

"Oh don't think I didn't notice how happy you got once I told you that Riley may not be into you romantically. What's not going to happen is you going happy go lucky to her place and declare that you two need to break up but it's fine because she likes Farkle so go for it! For one, there's been way too much outing of people's feelings in this group. People need to realise these things on their own and admit it in their own time. But besides that, I won't have Smackle thrown under the bus just for you to be happy. She deserves more than losing her boyfriend just because he likes someone else. Hell, even Shane deserves that.

"I know Maya forced your hand Lucas. She told you to choose Riley and you listened to her and did it. But that's the bed you made and now you've got to lie in it until you fine a proper way out of this mess. Because you had a choice. You could have torn that letter in two, told Riley who that your choice wasn't her and gone after Maya. But you didn't. You chose to commit yourself to Riley, and buddy if you realise now that you don't love her that way then fine, you don't deserve to be in a relationship with someone you don't care about romantically. But you can't just tell her that it's fine because she likes someone else as well. She doesn't realise that she likes Farkle and Farkle's up to his eyeballs in science. He probably still doesn't know that you can love people equally but not the same."

Lucas nodded, accepting the wisdom in his words. "I went into this thinking that me loving Maya meant nothing as it wouldn't change things. You've just shown me why. Besides, it doesn't change anything with Maya. She's at Crawford's all now fixing things with him."

"You mean cementing the lie?" he asked wryly.

"I know that it's going to blow up in our faces eventually," Lucas said tiredly, "but it's hard to tell her no when she's so desperate for a solution. Maya committed herself to Crawford just like I did to Riley, and even if I told her I love her, she wouldn't break up with him. She doesn't want to be her father. She's not just going to quit a relationship."

"So where does that leave you bud?" Zay asked sadly.

Lucas sighed and rubbed at his forehead. "It leaves me taking a page out of Maya's book," he responded. "I'll be the best boyfriend to Riley that I can be. I owe her that much. And, I'll continue to be there for Maya in any capacity that she wants and needs. Maybe the stars will align eventually and things will work out in my favour…but it's definitely something I need to let happen on its own."

"You know that won't be easy, right?" Zay said,

"I know," he answered gruffly. "But if Maya can do it, then I can as well. Loving her means wanting her happy. Me giving Riley my all will add to her happiness. I can live with that."

"For now," Zay remarked.

"Until," Lucas answered with a shrug, as he tried to convince himself that he would indeed, be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of tomorrow I start a new, full time job and will be balancing that with completing my coursework project due March 31st and preparing for exams soon after that. As a result, I'm going to give myself a more manageable schedule and set uploads for every other week rather than weekly until, I at least get the project submitted. I will be writing of course, but I don't want to put myself on a Sunday night 'deadline' for uploading. In the interim I will be combing through the story, looking for unresolved plotlines and also doing some superficial editing (mostly typos etc).
> 
> Also, for those curious, plotwise the story is about 60% complete. I honestly cannot say how much that translates to chapter wise (probably 15-25 more chapters) but for those wondering, that'll give you a possible figure.


	39. Chapter 39

Maya cleared her throat, the sound disrupting the awkward silence that had descended upon her and Shane. They were inside his apartment - her second time there - and while the sling had done a pretty good job of eliciting sympathy from the rest of his family, Shane didn't seem as moved by the sight of it. Indeed, he had pointed out that it wouldn't have been there in the first place if she had just confided in him, a statement that she didn't try to rebut. She knew that Shane had good reason to be upset with her; he had been such a good boyfriend to her thus far, and she had trampled all over that by not making him a priority in the same way that he had for her. She had sworn yesterday that there would be no more of that, that she would give Shane one hundred and fifty percent, but now, alone in his living room as his parents had just left with his little sister in pursuit of ice-cream and Dylan was out on a date with Emily, she had to find a way to convince him that she would do it.

"Thanks for letting me come over," she said a bit lamely.

"Yeah, well, I was curious about what you had to say," he said, his tone even as he looked at her.

He wasn't beside her; he had settled down on the armchair directly across from the couch the moment they had been left alone. There were only a few feet and a coffee table separating them, but, looking over at him now, Maya felt as if there was an entire ocean between them. She had never seen Shane like this. His eyes before now were always warm, his face inviting when he looked at her, but there was a coolness there now that unnerved her. She swallowed against the feeling, realising that she had been spoilt over the past two days while conversing with her friends. They had put aside their annoyance with her swiftly, had metaphorically just given her a rap on the knuckles before everything had returned to normal. Somehow, she knew that it wouldn't be that simple with Shane, a testament of how badly she had boggled things and how right her decision to lessen her public interaction with Lucas was.

"I'm not good at asking for help," she said. "I'm not good at letting people do things for me. I've always taken care of myself; I had no choice but to. My mom had so many things to deal with, so many worries and concerns, I couldn't add to that, couldn't let her know when things were bad with me. So, I took care of myself. But, I get it. I should have told you about the letters when you asked, but I wanted to respect Liam's wishes and-"

"What about my wishes?" Shane interrupted sharply. "What about the fact that you looked me in the eye and lied? Made me felt guilty for suspecting you of hiding something when that was exactly what you were doing?"

"I-"

"And then you just built upon that lie," Shane pressed on, his brows drawing together. "You weren't telling the truth when you said you were going to do something for me."

"I just needed to get your off my back," Maya explained. "And I would have done something for you."

"Just to cement the lie," he rebutted. "Not because you wanted to do something for me."

Maya didn't comment on his statement, knowing the truth in his words. It was just one more reason showing how terrible she had been to him lately. Shane had been looking forward to her 'surprise' because that would have been the first big thing she'd ever done for him. And it hadn't even been planned out of a genuine desire to bring him a level of happiness. Maya looked down, wishing that she had Lucas or her teddy bear as the arm she furtively wrapped around herself wasn't doing much in way of comforting her. Maybe she had made a mistake in coming here. Maybe they needed more time.

"I'll just go," she said gruffly, as she made to stand.

"Why couldn't you just tell me the truth Maya?" Shane demanded causing her to pause.

"I didn't tell anyone," she reminded him.

"You're lying to me now," he snapped. "You told Alex and you probably told other people too. Why do you keep lying? Why didn't you tell me?"

Maya sunk further back in the chair, deeply uncomfortable. She was painfully aware that they were alone in the apartment and suddenly Shane seemed different, way different and it scared her. He was angry and recent experience had more than proved to her than angry males were not the best thing for her.

"No one else knew," she said, her voice shakier than she liked. "Riley said she told you that. I didn't tell anyone else besides Alex. No one else knew."

"I'm your boyfriend. I should have been the first person you'd come to."

"You should have been," she agreed quietly. "I'm sorry that I didn't. It won't happen again." To her immense relief, her words seemed to have the desired effect as the anger seemed to drain from his face. "I know I've been really unfair to you," she continued, "and I know I haven't been a good girlfriend to you so far, which sucks because you've been absolutely amazing to me. And I'm sorry for that. I-I can't change that; all I can do is promise that I'll do better."

"How?" he asked, leaning back in the armchair.

"By putting you first," she responded. "Like I should have from the start. By not lying to you or...or hanging out with people I know you don't like."

"You mean Friar."

"I do," she confirmed. "I won't hang out him as much, okay? I've been thinking these past few days - doing a lot of thinking - and I know that that's been a big issue for you, even if you haven't come right out and said it. And since you're supposed to be my priority I'll prove that to you. I'll do what will make you happy, because you go out of your way to make me happy."

"I don't like the way you act when he's around, as if he's important to you. I should be the only one important to you."

"And I'm showing you that," Maya responded, finally relaxing a hand she hadn't realised was clenched as she realised that Shane was indeed calming down. "I already told Lucas-"

"You talked to him?" Shane interrupted. "I thought you wanted to be alone?"

"I thought it was best I dealt with him before I came to see you," Maya said carefully, knowing that Shane wouldn't take too kindly to the fact that Lucas had only left her apartment last night when he had run the risk of being late for his curfew. "And I have. You won't see us together alone anymore."

Shane seemed mollified by that. "I should be the one you turn to for everything," he said. "I didn't like seeing you two alone in the office."

"It won't happen again," she reassured him.

"You need to set boundaries with him Maya," Shane said then.

"I have," she reassured. "You have nothing to worry about. You won't see the two of us together. Everything will be okay."

"Good," Shane said simply, before smiling at her, that familiar smile of his that had her breathing out in relief, glad to see her regular Shane there. She felt a lot more comfortable now and so, shot him a hopeful look before petting the spot next to her. The fact that he immediately joined her told her that she was forgiven and that lightened the load on her shoulders.

"I'll make it up to you," she told him softly, turning to look at him. "Starting tomorrow. Let's meet for lunch after your dance class? My treat?"

"That sounds great," he said, excitement flickering in his eyes as he reached out to pass his hand over the side of her neck. She smiled thinly at the gesture, not letting on to the fact that she didn't feel entirely comfortable with the touch. But, she rationalised, she was better off just enduring it. After all, he was her boyfriend, and if she had allowed herself to cling tightly to Lucas the night before, then she could, at the very least, accept this light show of affection from Shane. Indeed, she turned her head enough to press a small kiss to his hand. That little act though seemed to spur him own, and Maya watched and accepted what he wanted as he leant in closer to her. She supposed that kissing in itself was a nice act, because despite having to steel herself a bit for the kiss, it still felt good, albeit lacking a lot of the emotion she'd felt the last time they'd done this.

* 

"You're ridiculous," Maya declared as she stepped out of the school counsellor's office to see Riley leaning against the opposite wall, idly flipping through the contents of her phone. "I don't need a guard. All the goons against me are gone."

"Yeah well I'm not ready to let you out of my sight just yet," Riley returned simply, pocketing her phone. "How was the session?"

"Torturous," she sighed, running her hand through her hair. "I don't want to talk about it, okay? Take me to Riley Town," she pleaded, holding out her hand to her. "There's sparkles and cookies and no dumb people staring at me or trying to get into my mind there."

"You're always welcome," Riley returned, lacing their fingers together. "Let's go. Dad has our lunch waiting in his classroom. Mom made all of your favourites."

"Thank you," Maya answered, glad for their foresight.

Her and Liam both returning to school today had stirred back up interest in what had happened, and Maya had found herself hard-pressed to keep her chin up as she walked the corridors, trying not to let on how uncomfortable their stares made her feel. At the very least so far none of her teachers had said anything directly to her, although her Geography teacher had returned her homework with a bar of chocolate attached to it, one that she would split with Riley later. She didn't know how she would have fared in the cafeteria - she barely remembered what inside it looked like - and there was no way in hell she was going to the art room to face Liam. She wasn't strong enough to do that.

"Let's have a sleepover this weekend," she said. "I've missed you."

"And I've missed you," Riley answered, resting her head on top of hers while they walked. "I'm so glad you're back."

"I'm happy to be back."

"How was your date with Shane by the way?" Riley asked. "You know I was really surprised you went out with him. You...you didn't really seem up to it."

"I owed him that," Maya responded. "I was bored out of my mind half the time watching him practice but it made him happy. Lunch itself though was horrible which is sort of why I didn't mention it to you."

"What happened?" Riley asked, frowning.

"Stacy and Kira were passing by and spotted us through the cafe window. They invited themselves to join us and then pulled the whole let us girls go to the bathroom together bit and told me point blank that they don't like me and that if I do anything else to hurt Shane they'd make him break up with me."

"They said what?" Riley said shrilly, bringing them to a stop. "You cannot be serious."

"You can't blame them Riles," she responded with a helpless shrug.

"Then I'm taking away a lot of points from him if it's true that he'd leave you just because of what his friends say."

"You're acting like I wouldn't do the same if you asked me to," Maya said seriously, "if any of you told me to. Shane's friends are to him what you guys are to me. I'd always listen to what it is you have to say, and if you told me that there was something seriously wrong with Shane and that I was better off without him, I'd consider it."

"Peaches," Riley breathed out, obviously moved.

"Why do you seem surprised by that?" Maya asked, confused.

"Because..."

"Riley what is it?" Maya asked when she hesitated, squeezing down on her hand and wishing she had the other free to reach up and touch her face. "You know you can tell me."

Riley let out her breath loudly before saying, "Things are different with us Maya and sometimes...lately I don't know where we stand with each other."

Maya stared at her, unable to formulate a response.

"I'm not accusing you of anything," Riley continued, releasing her hand, "but you've changed so much ever since we got to high school and I'm just...I still me. I feel like we're in a race and I'm losing."

"How could you think that?" Maya finally said even as she recognised from the way the words just seemed to spill out of Riley that this was something that had been bothering her for some time now. "Riley, we're fine."

"We're not Maya, not really. If we were you would have told me what was happening to you. I would have known what to do to help you when I got to your bedroom. Maya, you have friends that I know nothing about. You're doing things I can't understand, things that I've never known that you were interested in. You're popular, more popular than you even realise and I don't know how much longer it'll be before I'm just your childhood best friend, someone you'll look back on in a few years and say, oh, I wonder what she's up to these days?"

"Riley..." Maya swallowed. She hadn't realised that Riley felt this way. "Riley," she tried again, feeling her eyes start to prickle. "I...I love you. I have loved you and I will always love you. And I'm sorry that you feel that things have changed between us, and I'm sorry because I know I'm the reason for that and I'm sorry I don't know what to say or do to change that."

"I shouldn't have said anything," Riley said shaking her head. "I'm not Shane. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just...I just don't know if what I do is good enough anymore for you."

"It will always be good enough," Maya said and reached out to wrap her arm around Riley's neck, pulling her into a one-armed hug. "Riley, I can't do this without you," she whispered in her ear, "don't think that I don't need you. I will never not need you. There is no place in this world for Maya without Riley; I can't take on the world without you and I'm never, ever going to try. So please, please don't worry about us," she pleaded pulling back. "The two of us are literally the only thing I'm certain about right about now. So please, believe in us, believe in me. Ring power remember? Thunder?"

"Lightning," Riley answered after a second, reaching out to reclaim Maya's hand. "Okay, I believe you. And I love you too. I always will."

"Because you're my extra-ordinary relationship Riles. You said it yourself. You and I together forever."

"And what about our boyfriends?" Riley asked, although a smile played at her lips as she said it.

"We'll love them less," Maya quipped, before smiling when Riley threw her head back and laughed glad that things appeared to be okay once again.

* 

It was just like getting back on a bicycle, Maya thought contentedly as she skipped up the stairs. It was Wednesday, two days since her return and things were slowly but surely getting back to normal. The school populace had finally moved on to bigger and better things in the form of a junior found with weed in his gym locker, she and Shane had had absolutely no problems since their conversation (although Stacy and Kira kept sending cold glares her way), and, more than that, she and Lucas were still okay. There was only one bump in her road to complete happiness, but, in the grand scheme of things Maya supposed that losing Liam was alright. He was safe now, which is what she wanted. Emily had mentioned to her just this morning that he and Alex had started back talking and that they'd probably be back together before the week was fully up, which was great. And, she supposed, without the weight of having to protect Liam on her, she was free to return her focus to Riley and the rest of them. It was a good all-around situation, she told her, despite the fact that that statement rang a little hollow. She would just focus on the good things, and this essay for English that she really needed to finish.

She was almost to the library when she heard her name being called. She paused, turning to see a green-haired medium built teenager approaching her. Maya didn't recognise her per se, but there was something vaguely familiar about her that put her on alert.

"Can I help you?" Maya asked, as she stopped a few feet from her.

She didn't answer immediately; instead, her eyes flicked over Maya's form in a way she found mildly unnerving. She was assessing her, sizing her up, and Maya forced herself to square her shoulders, lest she fail the inspection. It wasn't good, whatever it was that she wanted. "What do you want?" Maya asked again, bluntly this time.

"I just wanted to actually meet you," she responded, folding her arms. "To say hi to the bitch who got my boyfriend expelled."

It clicked immediately for Maya why she seemed vaguely familiar. Her hair. Now that she had the context Maya realised that the girl in front of her was the missing link, the one piece to the puzzle she just couldn't figure out. More than once she had been in the same corridor as her and Liam. She had to be the one who had been passing on the information that Zander had been putting into his letters. She was Adam's girlfriend, perhaps a new one which was why Liam had never ever acknowledged her presence. As far as he knew, she was no threat.

"What do you want?" she asked, her throat suddenly dry.

"Just what I said, Hart," she replied with a little smirk, "to say hello. To, you know," she said, a devious smile playing at her lips, "let you know that Adam doesn't have to be around for the things he wants to get done. You should keep that in mind, Hart. You know, just in case."

That was a clear threat and Maya felt a clenching in her stomach. She could see why she was Adam's girlfriend. There was a dangerous edge to this girl although her tone had not altered at all and she had a falsely cheerful expression on her face as if they were having the most pleasant conversation in the world.

"Stay away from me," Maya choked out, even as her mind screamed out that screw all of this, she would never, ever walk through the school alone again, even if that meant befriending random people just to have company while walking. "It's over."

"No sweetheart," the girl grinned. "It's far from over. You cost me Adam; I'm not going to let that pass."

"I-"

"Problem ladies?"

Maya outright flinched as Mr. Jackson's voice suddenly came from behind her. She turned, her hand reaching up to her chest instinctively as she stared at him with wide eyes. The man's tone was level enough, but, as he looked at her, Maya could see clear concern flicker in his eyes before he looked past her to Adam's girlfriend.

"Rebecca Sinclair, isn't it?" he asked, almost conversationally as he stepped forward until he was beside her, dropping a hand down onto her shoulder. "Do you have something to say to Ms. Hart, here?"

"We were just talking sir," the girl said, her tone suddenly cloyingly sweet in a way that had Maya glancing up at the man to see if he bought it.

Thankfully though, his expression remained unchanged. "Well, unfortunately Ms. Hart at least has somewhere she needs to be. Perhaps this is a conversation you can have another time?"

"Of course," she responded, her expression briefly flicking to a menacing one as she glanced at her. "We finish our little talk later Maya," she said, waggling her fingers at her before she left.

Maya sagged in relief as she disappeared around the corner. "She's the one who helped Zander," she said immediately, her voice trembling.

"Do you have proof of that?" the man asked, his voice instantly on alert.

"No," she admitted, saddened by that fact. "But I know she is. She threatened me."

"I'll deal with it," the man said seriously, staring down at her. "She won't come near you again."

"You can do that?" Maya asked, a bit sceptically.

"It's my job to," he responded. "I hope that that's a lesson you've learnt."

"I have," she confirmed with a small nod, accepting the indirect scold. "Thank you for being here."

"Anytime Maya," he answered, and she gave him a startled smile, realising that this was the first time the man had actually used her first name. "Want to tell me why you haven't been to Art Club this week? Or my classroom in general?"

And there went whatever happiness the man had just caused, she thought dismally, her expression darkening. "You know why," she muttered, looking away from him.

"A lot has happened recently," he returned mildly. "I rather not assume."

Maya twisted her mouth, but finally replied to his question. "Art's really important to Liam, and I know he won't stay if I'm there. I don't want to take that away from him."

"So instead you give up what's important to you?" the man asked wryly, before pinching at his nose when she nodded in agreement. "Teenagers," he muttered, and at any other time, she would have protested against the derision in his tone as he said that.

As is, she just rolled her eyes and allowed him to walk her the rest of the way until she was safely in the library.

* 

"What are we doing here?" she asked Shane curiously the next afternoon as he led her into a random classroom after glee practice had ended. "I seriously doubt you're going to find your lab book here, and you know, not in the lab."

"I was hanging out with Micah in here earlier," he offered by way of explanation as he bent over to look beneath one of the desks. "Do you want to get some ice-cream on the way to the subway? You worked hard today."

"I did nothing," she retorted grumpily. "My arm's not broken. I could have done a lot more than you guys let me."

"Just take it easy," he said, not for the first time in the past hour or so, causing her to sneer at him mildly.

"I want sprinkles," she replied, and he shot her a fond look before looking under a next desk.

She watched him more from one row to the next, tapping her foot against the floor. When he made to move to the third row though, she spoke up. "You don't remember where you were sitting?"

"Umm…we were moving around a lot," he answered, obviously hedging.

She raised her eyebrow, her suspicion growing as it finally occurred to her that Shane didn't seem at all panicked by the potential loss of a very valuable book. Indeed, he seemed to be stalling, slowing his pace as he moved from desk to desk, as if he were deliberately delaying.

"What's happening?" she demanded, instantly on alert. "Why are we here Shane?"

"To look for my-"

"Bull," she interjected sharply, however, before either of them could speak again, she heard Liam's loud, complaining voice coming from just beyond the open classroom door.

Her eyes widened, both in shock and panic as she turned toward Shane and saw the relief in his eyes. He had planned this. "You didn't," she hissed at him, even as she stumbled away from the desk she had been leaning casually against, putting more space between her and the doorway.

"Why do we even need to look for your stupid compact?" he complained. "You have like four others home."

"It'll just take a minute," she snapped, rounding the corner.

Liam was right on her heels, his rebuttal to her words dying on his lips as he saw her. His eyes darted past her to Shane, and then to Emily, on who's face a look of satisfaction was swiftly growing. "Oh hell no," he declared. "All of you can go screw yourselves. I'm out of here."

"Not so fast Liam," Dylan said, as he stood in the doorway, effectively blocking his escape unless Liam was willing to try pushing him out of the way. "You're not getting out of here that easy. Neither of you are getting out of here that easily," he amended, looking past him at where she was standing. Maya glared at him, but he was entirely unaffected by it.

"Consider this an intervention," Emily declared as she crossed her arms and moved to stand beside her boyfriend. "You guys are friends – good friends – and you're miserable without each other, even if your stubborn behinds won't admit it."

"I don't need her," Liam snapped.

"Oh, so that's why I caught you going through her Facebook profile last night."

"I was contemplating deleting her."

"Yeah and the link to do that is in her photo albums, right?" she deadpanned. "Just admit it Liam. You miss her and she misses you, so why don't you pull your head out of your ass and just admit it so we can get back to our regularly scheduled programme?"

"He's the one who doesn't want to be friends with me," Maya said to Shane, finally finding her voice. "Nothing's going to change that, so let's just go okay? I don't know why you'd think this would be a good idea," she finished, her voice cracking slightly.

"No," he answered. "No one is leaving till you guys are friends again."

"Then we'll be in here forever," Liam declared. "I have absolutely nothing to say to her. She lied to me."

"I'm not doing this," Maya told Shane firmly.

"You're not happy Maya," he argued gently as he walked to stand in front of her. "You miss him, admit it. So let's just work this all out so you can have your friend back."

"Yeah well he doesn't want to," she replied, hugging herself.

"…went behind my back!" she heard Liam say loudly, and turning, she found him in an argument with Emily.

Maya bit her lip at that, and, without even realising it, responded to the accusation. "You left me no choice but to."

"You don't talk to me," Liam snapped, turning to glare at her.

That irked her. "You really didn't," she said, raising her voice enough that he had no choice but to turn and acknowledge her. "You said I couldn't tell anyone what Zander was doing to you, and I didn't. But that meant that I couldn't tell anyone what he was doing to me."

"You could have told me."

"I didn't want to worry you," she argued back. "Then more and more of those stupid letters started coming and I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore."

"So you told my boyfriend of all people?" he snapped.

"Because I needed information," she snapped. "There was no way I could ask any of them without having to explain why, and since it technically didn't involve you directly I knew that Alex wouldn't feel compelled to tell anyone."

"You went behind my back Maya."

"You know I was talking to him. It's not my fault you didn't ask about what!"

"Is that the kind of logic that helps you sleep at night?" he rebutted and briefly Maya cringed, shooting a brief, but slightly guilty look towards Shane, before determinedly shoving that thought aside.

"You left me no choice Liam," she argued instead. "You made it so that I had to do what I did."

"Oh so this is my fault?" he demanded. "You're blaming me for this?"

"No, I'm not," she answered in exasperation. "What I am saying is that I didn't go behind you back because I wanted to hurt you. It was the only damn thing I could do that would keep me sane. I needed to talk to someone Liam, and Alex was my only choice. So I'm sorry you're mad at me for that but-" she broke off as a thought occurred to her. "Actually, I take that back," she backtracked. "I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry for what I did because I did it with all the best intentions in mind. What I am sorry for is not doing what I knew I should have done in the first place which was to go to a teacher because obviously, it wouldn't have made a difference. You would have ended up hating me anyway, but if I had told someone, neither of us would have ended up hurt. So, you're welcome Liam," she finished. "You're welcome for me trying and failing to save your ass. Trust me, it won't happen again."

"Wait a minute," Liam protested, scowling. "You don't get to turn this around on me. I'm angry at you so stop trying to make me out to be the bad guy here."

"Yeah well it ain't me," Maya said firmly, squaring her shoulders. "I have spent so much of the past two weeks apologising to people, making amends for things I did, didn't do, should have done, could have done, wanted to but failed to do. And you know what? I'm done. I know I did wrong Liam, but I didn't do you wrong. So you can be angry with me all you want, but I am Maya Penelope Fricking Hart, and I don't need to grovel and beg for anyone's forgiveness, especially when I didn't do anything wrong.

"I don't walk around with my tail between my legs, and I sure as hell don't let anyone make me feel bad for doing something that was good for me. So if that means you don't want to talk to me, that's absolutely fine. Don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out because I'm done trying to spare feelings. I'm going to be in that Art Room like always on Monday and if you don't like that then you can leave, but I will be there every goddamn minute I want to be and there's nothing you can do to change that. So if you don't like it, too bad, you'll just have to deal, because I am not going anywhere," she finished firmly, feeling more alive in that moment than she had ever since this entire thing had begun.

Was it adrenaline or something more, she wondered. She hadn't felt like this in so long. Finally, it was as if all the layers had lifted off her as she spoke, all that oppressive weight that she had been trying and failing to shirk off. It wasn't stifling her any longer, and Maya knew that if she had felt this way the day before, she would have been more than capable of sending that stupid Rebecca girl scampering down the hall away from her without Mr. Jackson's help.

"Want to throw the kitchen sink at him too?" Emily asked once she fell silent, a terse yet oddly humorous edge to her tone.

"Yeah, maybe you should dial it back just a bit Maya," Shane said from beside her. "We're trying to save a friendship, not end one."

"It needed to be said," she said gruffly, before pining Liam with a firm look. "We clear?" she asked simply.

Liam didn't reply immediately, meeting her gaze levelly for a moment before finally, his shoulders sagged. "You didn't have to turn all Santana on my ass," he groused, folding his arms across his chest. "You see what I have to put up with?" he complained, glancing toward Emily. "It's so unfair."

Maya huffed at that, relaxing as Liam started to list all the other complaints he had against how she treated of him. That was the best she would get from him, she knew, willingly accepting it. Liam wasn't one to admit when he was wrong, or say sorry for the fact. But she was more than okay with that. She had stood her ground, and he had relented, realising that he had been unfair. As she half-expected, he'd get her a gift of sorts in the upcoming weeks to seal the deal and she would pretend to not know exactly what the trinket was meant to represent.

In a few minutes, she would turn to Shane and demand the promised ice-cream, Liam joining her to complain that it should be at the very least a sundae after the emotional trauma they'd been made to endure. She would join him in his complaining and soon enough the two of them would be splitting the treat, arguing good-naturedly over who should get the cherry until, entirely fed up of the both of them, Emily would reach out and snag it for herself.

After that she would go to Riley's where she knew that Lucas would be trying and failing to teach Riley how to play one of his favourite video games and accept with a wide grin his hug and congratulations for her standing up for herself. She and Liam would both show up in the Art Room come Monday lunch time, but, a few days later, Maya would pull him protesting all the way to the cafeteria, where she would plop him down between her and Zay. By the end of that meal he would have traded numbers with Lucas and Zay made an origami rose for Smackle that would have her demanding that he stop flirting with her in front of Zay and Farkle and have (surprisingly) been only slightly mean to Riley though the brunette held her own against him, earning her a bit of his respect.

And so, finally, Maya would find herself able to relax, safe in the knowledge that at least one good thing had come out of all of this. Her two worlds were slowly, but surely coming together, and she could only hope that this upward trend would continue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Time: Christmas, gifts and mistletoe oh my!


	40. Chapter 40

Somehow, before she was even really realised it, December arrived, and the countdown to the end of the semester – and the year really – was on. In between completing assignments, doing extra work that Farkle kept giving her (apparently, he had grown immune to her glares and complaints) and getting her final performance for show choir out of the way, Maya, more and more, was trying to find the time to make some key decisions about her academic life. She had decided to put all those counselling sessions to use, and thus had a plethora of brochures, syllabus extracts and a copy of the school's overarching timetable in her possession so she could, this time around, make more informed choices about the electives she wanted to take.

Talking to the counsellor about non-personal things was great, and it had given her a new perspective on how her high school life could unfold. Of course, there was nothing she could do to completely get rid of Mathematics and Science, but the school had a diverse enough subject offering (and partnerships with other high schools and community colleges to compensate for what they lacked) that Maya could create a wonderful balance between the things she had to learn, and the things she wanted to learn. All that was really left for her to do was finalise what subjects she had scribbled in to her schedule based on what Riley and Farkle had selected she wanted to remove, and what exactly she wanted to replace them with. She supposed she really was her mother's daughter to a certain extent, because she wanted to give a go at Theatre Arts, alongside Music and the like. Middle school her would scoff at that, but show choir had gone a long way in giving her an appreciation for the stage.

And so, feeling particularly invigorated by her new prospectives, Maya hummed contentedly as she walked to the Ceramics room, pulling her hair over her shoulder as she went and quickly plaiting it into a messy side-braid that would at least ensure that it would not end up in clay again. That was an experience she rather not go through again. She could hear Liam's voice from just outside the door, and shook her head at the whining quality to his tone. Just what had he found to complain about this time? She walked in, snagging up the apron Mr. Jackson had left on the first table for her. Liam was already at work at a pottery station and she smirked as the obvious failed attempts at a bowl that lay scattered around him. Pottery making was not a thing for him, although she refrained from teasing him on the fact. After all, she had threatened to burn down the Art Room if Mr. Jackson ever brought up crocheting to her again while Liam was still crocheting his life away whenever he had a free moment.

"What are we complaining about today?" she asked as she sat at her station, smiling when she saw that Mr. Jackson had already laid out all the things she would require. She had mastered a small bowl on her third day and was pretty interested now in seeing if she could get manage to make an oversized one. It'd make a pretty good gift for the Matthews if she could do it because the fruit dish on the dining room table had just about reached its heyday.

"Liam is going through the merits and lack thereof of all the current juniors in the club," Mr. Jackson replied.

"And there are more lacks," Liam added. "The policy is discriminatory to non-seniors and I think it should be done away it."

It wasn't a new argument from the sophomore by any means, and so, Maya tuned him out for a bit as she got to work. She could sympathise with his concern. He wasn't exactly wrong – there were only three juniors in the club, and thus, one of them would run it in the following year. Unfortunately, only one of them was passable at art, but whatever talent she had was superseded by a snobbish attitude that had had Maya biting her tongue on more than one occasion. She wouldn't be too happy if she took over for a year, but, she wasn't going to belabour the point to the teacher. He would do as he wanted in the end, and there wasn't really anything they go do about that.

Liam though, refused to accept the situation without making his protests known.

"We dodged a bullet with Jason," he argued, speaking of the current senior in charge. "He's a good puppet and just does whatever we want. But Jessica has nothing but these stupid, garish ideas that would make us look ridiculous. Do you not remember how tacky her ballot box turned out? She'd make us do that for the entire year. Besides, you know she'd just want the position to bolster her college applications. Do you really want that sort of person in charge of the club? Do you really want to have to work with that every day for a year?"

"Don't call her that," the man reproved mildly.

"Blondie calls me that all the time!" he protested, pointing a muddy hand in her direction.

"I do it out of affection," she retorted with a bright grin.

"The window of time for dating me is long over," he returned pertly, turning up his nose at her. "Don't try to be cute now."

"Eww," she deadpanned, before, briefly glancing up at the teacher, saying, "He does have a point Mr. J. Lucas always complains about how horrible the baseball captain is. He got chosen because he had the best average of the seniors even though his leadership skills suck and there's a kid in junior who's the best player on the team. It's not fair to put someone in charge because of seniority when there's someone younger but much more capable. The kid has some pretty good strategies, but douche-canoe won't let him get a word in edge-wise. What's the point of that?"

"Now that's a relevant argument," the man praised, causing her to smile before flicking some clay Liam's way when he stuck his tongue out at her.

"Does that mean you'll listen?" Liam asked.

"It means that I can take more than your whining into consideration," the man said mildly as he turned away. "There is precedence for seniors being overlooked for leadership positions but, before you get excited Liam," he added, when the sophomore made to cheer, "remember that pure talent is not enough to get recommended. You would still have to have the grades to make the base criteria, and have to prove that you have the skills to be an effective leader. I've told you more than once already you need to be a little more circumspect in how you interact with people. Not everyone is Maya; you come across too abrasive, and not everyone can handle that. I won't have a talented head who chases people out of the club. We wouldn't have the numbers to keep it running that way."

Liam's shoulders fell at that, before, defensively, he said "It's not my fault they're all incompetent."

"But it is your fault when you can't find proper channels to help them learn. It's something to keep in mind. I would love to say that I have my next two club heads sitting right in front of me, but I won't judge out of talent alone, so keep that in mind."

* 

"Smackle, what are you doing?" Maya asked, her tone exasperated as she hurried over to where she was standing, even as she shot a murderous look to a sophomore boy who had been approaching her, a lecherous smirk on his face. She watched with satisfaction as he backed away, but, just in case, didn't focus on Smackle until he had left the hallway completely. To her chagrin, Smackle was still staring upwards, completely oblivious to what was occurring around her. Maya looked up, perplexed, trying and failing to see what could be that interesting about a piece of mistletoe.

The seniors had decided to start their pranks early and so, today, the day before school ended for the semester, classrooms and corridors had the parasite littered all over, and, as fast as teachers tore them down, more returned. Maya was more than a little impressed. It took real finesse to pull something like this off and to then replenish the supply as needed. And, as far as she knew, so far none of them had been caught in the act. Riley had been far from pleased by the whole situation, deeming it a form of sexual harassment, but the guys had been more amused by it than anything else. Smackle though had seemed indifferent, and so Maya was more than a little curious now as to why she found the plant so fascinating, and was willing to put herself at risk of being kissed.

"Earth to Smackle," Maya said, waving her hand in front of her face after a moment when she didn't respond.

That brought the girl back to reality, and, blinking owlishly, she turned to look at her, cocking her head in mild surprise. "When did you get here?"

"Ages ago," she answered. "What's so fascinating about the mistletoe?"

"I am trying to determine what are the properties of this plant that leads to the sudden increase in desire for sexual relations."

Maya let out a startled laugh at that, descending into all out mirth when Smackle just stared at her in return, completely serious about what she had said, and not at all cognisant of why she found it so funny. As she wiped a bit of moisture away from under an eye, Maya wished that the rest of the group had been there to hear her say that. She would have especially loved to have seen Farkle and Riley's faces in that moment.

"Never change Smackle," she told her, fondly.

"The only thing constant is change," she quoted in response. "Although I shall attempt to retain the qualities in me that you find pleasing."

"That is all of you," Maya reassured her. "But, as for your question, the plant itself doesn't do anything."

"Obviously," she answered, adjusting her glasses. "Most aphrodisiacs require consumption. I was considering whether the plant releases some sort of pheromones, however, I have been standing here for exactly eight minutes now," she said, consulting her watch, "and I cannot detect any noticeable changes within myself."

"It's just a weed people decided to make special," Maya guessed with a shrug. "We can probably go look that up if you want to?"

"We?" Smackle repeated, staring at her intently. "You would do that with me? You despise studying."

"I despise being forced to study things I don't like," Maya amended, crinkling her nose at her. "But this sounds like fun. Besides, I'd love to help my little nerd to solve a mystery."

Smackle's eyes lit up, and Maya felt a bit of pride at being able to draw that reaction from her. Maybe it was the fact that she'd just spent an entire period hanging out with Liam, or maybe it was just the fact that she knew that Farkle was a lot more receptive to her being in her personal space now, but Maya gave into the mischievousness that was brewing within her. Quicker than Smackle could react, she leant over and kissed her cheek, chortling when her eyes widened and she declared "There are pheromones!"

"Nah, no pheromones," she corrected with a smirk "just you being way too adorable for your own good. Now come on, we have a mystery to go solve."

* 

"Maya, a question," Smackle said eventually, after they had sated their curiosity about the mistletoe.

"Go for it," she answered, relaxing further into her seat as she eyed her. "Are there other mysteries for us to investigate? Do you have more confusions?"

"I do not think that sentence is grammatical," she answered, cocking her head slightly. "Regardless, I do require your input. I have a hypothesis – many actually – but they are all interrelated. I believe you can help me account for one or two variables before I proceed forward."

"Well I'll gladly help you in whatever way I can," Maya answered, straightening slightly as she realised that this was something important to the other teenager. "What is it."

"I want to know your feelings toward me," she responded.

Maya gaped at her for a moment, before stammering out, "Smackle honey, I was just playing earlier. I-do you think that I-"

"I do not mean in the romantic sense," Smackle said, interrupting her. "It is abundantly clear to me that were you so inclined Riley would obviously be your preferred choice in a partner. I also do acknowledge though that you would be the type open for experimentation."

"What?" Maya squeaked.

Smackle, as if oblivious to the effect her words were having, pressed on in a musing tone. "You are a very liberal individual Maya. I see that extending towards your sexual preferences…perhaps in the future because I do not see your current boyfriend as being accepting of that. Perhaps in college? It is a trend from what I have seen in the media?"

"Oh god, why are you even thinking about this?" Maya asked, knowing that her face was probably turning a brilliant shade of red. "Why are we talking about this?"

"I am adverse to most kinds of intimacy," Smackle continued on, "but were I ever completely comfortable with someone I think I would like to investigate for myself the potential benefits of-"

"Is there a train I can just go throw myself in front of please?" she groaned.

"Ah, you are uncomfortable," Smackle said, a bit of surprised. "Is this one of the topics that people do not generally speak of? Am I being inappropriate?"

"No, no you aren't," Maya forced herself to say, realising that this was one of those moments with Smackle that would guide her future interactions with others going forward. "Friends do talk about this kind of stuff," she explained carefully, "but it doesn't usually happen in…public? It's sort of the stuff you giggle over at sleepovers."

"Is that what you and Riley do?"

"Not yet," Maya answered, smiling slightly as her embarrassment faded. "I think she'd faint if I ever brought that up. How she's going to survive in Health class is beyond me."

"I fear the same for Farkle," Smackle said knowingly. "I cannot speak of these issues without him fainting."

"Now that I'd love to see," Maya answered with a grin. "I guess if you really want to talk about these kinds of things, the two of us can, Smackle. I know a lot."

"Have you done a lot?"

"No," she answered quickly, shaking her head for emphasis. "It's just kissing for Shane and I. I-I don't really feel like doing anything else."

"Teenage pregnancy is a serious issue," Smackle said knowingly, "as are STIs and STDs."

"I didn't mean that," Maya corrected ruefully, "although those things are important. I just…I don't want to do more than that."

"You are aesthetically pleasing," Smackle said then, "as is Shane. Should there not be the desire to have relations in some form?"

"First of all stop saying relations," she requested, "and secondly, eventually maybe? It's really not something I've considered, and if it's something he's interested in he hasn't said so far. To be honest, I haven't given much thought to it at all."

"Oh," Smackle said simply. "Farkle and I are the same."

"Well not exactly the same," Maya rebutted gently. "You…intimacy is a thing for you right? You only now like his hugs. It's not surprising that you haven't done anything beyond that as yet. And as for Farkle well, he's no way ready for anything I think."

"You are right," Smackle acknowledged. "Maya?"

"Yes?"

"This is not what I meant for us to speak about, but, I think I have my answer."

"What was the question?" Maya asked, now realising that yup, this was definitely now what they had started off talking about.

"I-I wanted to know if you considered me to be your friend," Smackle explained, "a real friend and not just Farkle's girlfriend. However you said earlier that you speak of such matters with friends, and we have been doing so for the past few minutes. Therefore the natural conclusion to that would be that we are friends."

"Why would you even have to ask that?" Maya asked seriously. "Of course you're my friend, Smackle. You're one of us all the way. Your relationship with Farkle has nothing to do with that."

"Do you really mean that?" Smackle asked, leaning forward.

"Yeah," Maya answered, a bit bewildered by her intent stare. "I mean we met you through Farkle and we started to hang out with you more because you started to date him, but we're friends now Smackle. Riley and I threw you that farewell to Einstein party when you decided to join us, remember?"

"I appreciated that," Smackle acknowledged. "I am sorry. I-I just wanted to be certain of my status with you. Zay has said that I have nothing to worry about, but I was not as convinced."

"No, don't say sorry," Maya bid, "if it was bothering you then you needed to ask it. If it's one thing this semester has shown me is that you need to speak up when something's bothering you."

"I feel better," Smackle answered, "my confusion is less. I am your friend, and you are mine. I can assume that this applies to Riley as well?"

"Of course," Maya reassured her. "The moment Riley invited you home for a make-over she considered you a friend. She just wasn't sure you wanted that at first, but she likes you. We all like you. You can ask her if you really want, but the answer will be the same."

"Oh," Smackle said, looking away.

Maya left her to her thoughts for a moment, mostly because she found herself wondering exactly why this conversation was occurring in the first place. She replayed snippets of it to herself, her eyebrows raising when she recalled the phrasing of Smackle's earlier words. Did they like her because she was Farkle's girlfriend or because of who she was. It was almost as if she expected one of those two things to eventually change. That realisation had Maya looking at her in a new light.

"Smackle," she said gently, reaching over to touch her hand. "Is something going on? With you and Farkle?"

Smackle shot her a startled look that quickly grew worried. "I have not said that," she told her.

"You haven't," Maya said, "but remember what I said? Friends talk to friends about stuff? This is one of those times."

"Perhaps it is," Smackle responded, "but this is not a subject matter I wish to discuss currently, not when my hypotheses are incomplete."

"I can respect that," Maya assured her, leaning back in her seat, "and I won't mention it to anyone else."

"I am grateful," Smackle told her. "Maybe when I have my conclusions we can speak of this? We can have a sleepover? With Riley?"

Maya nodded at that, not commenting on the fact that this was the first time that Smackle had ever openly indicated her desire to hang out with just them. Whenever the six of them weren't together collectively, she tended to drift toward Farkle and Zay. This was a nice change and she found herself hoping that that sleepover would come to pass.

"I'm looking forward to it," she said honestly, giving her a small, but genuine smile.

* 

"I've got something for you, Shawnie," Cory said with a broad smile as he pressed a small package into his hand. "This, my friend, is the key to increased happiness."

"Cory is this weed?" Shawn hissed as he examined it, pulling it quickly below the table, as he shot a furtive glance around the mostly empty bakery. "Dude, I know a teacher's salary ain't that high, but sheesh, Topanga's a lawyer. You don't got to go full Breaking Bad here."

"It isn't weed ya doof," he responded as he dropped down onto the armchair across from him. "It's mistletoe. You wouldn't believe how much I collected this past week and it seems like a waste to dump it all when it can be put to better use, you know," he finished with a roughish wink that had Shawn laughing.

"Cory Matthews, you sly dog," Shawn answered with a grin, but, for all that he said that, he did indeed pocket it. "I can't believe the year's almost over. Where does the time go?"

"I ask myself that all the time buddy," he responded. "Sometimes it doesn't feel that long at all, but then I watch those two," he said, gesturing with his head to where Maya and Riley were curled up together on an armchair, flipping through a book on Maya's lap, "and I just feel old Shawn. They're high schoolers Shawnie. I remember them barely passing my hips and now my girls are in high school – our girls," he amended with a small, incredulous laugh. "You don't know how glad I am that it's you that Katy chose. I don't think I would have trusted anyone else with Maya. I'm so glad things have worked out this way."

"Yeah well sometimes I wish I'd come back a lot sooner," Shawn admitted, still looking over to where his niece and future daughter were. "Maybe if I did I'd have had more time with her. You've gotten to experience so many things with her, Cory, plus you have her in school every day. It makes me jealous sometimes. I'll never have that."

"You have more than that," he said softly. "You're the one she's going to call dad, you know. That puts you above every on else, me included. And you have her here now, and I'd argue that you met her just when she needed you the most, when the two of you needed each other the most. Hell all three of ya," he finished.

Shawn nodded, accepting that. "I still can't believe half the time that I'm engaged, Cor, that I'm going to be Katy's husband, Maya's dad. After what I went through with my folks and then having to say goodbye to Angela…I just thought that I was cursed, you know? That I'd never be free of the dysfunctional trailer park life even though I'd left it behind. Sometimes I worry that I'd wake up and realise that it was all a dream. That I hadn't finally found what makes me happy, truly happy."

"You don't know how happy that makes me to hear that, Shawnie," he admitted. "Everything will be great for you all from here on out. I just know it."

"Yeah well there's just one giant thing standing in the way of that," Shawn said with a sigh, leaning back heavily into the chair. "Did Topanga tell you?"

"Tell me what?" he asked.

"There may be a bit of a snag in our plans. Kermit," he said, grimacing at the name, "is perfectly fine with walking out on his wife and a six year old kid, but suddenly tell the guy that there's a way for him to be completely off the hook and he gets squeamish."

"He won't give up his parental rights?" Cory hissed, shooting a glance at the two girls although it was impossible for them to hear them. "You have got to be kidding me."

"I said the same thing when Katy told me," Shawn answered, "although I had a fair amount of four letter words in there."

"Why is he doing this?" Cory hissed out, anger lacing his tone. "Is it out of spite? Does he not want them to be happy?"

"Katy says that we just need to give him some time to let it sink in," Shawn responded, although it was clear to them both that he didn't really believe in what he was saying. "That he just needs time to let what we want to sink in. She says that he doesn't like to be blindsided and him hearing that she's re-marrying and wants him to give Maya up completely was just too much of a shock."

"He gave them both up nine years ago," Cory snapped, struggling to keep his voice down.

"You don't know how hard it was for me to not just get in my car and go to find him," Shawn admitted. "It's ruining our plans. We wanted to do everything that one day you know? We'd get married and surprise Maya with the adoption papers at the same time. I don't want her to be my step-daughter, I want her to be my daughter. I don't know if I want to get married until everything's right for all of us."

"That's just a piece of paper, Shawn," Cory advised. "I get what you're saying, I really do, but we all know that Maya's your daughter, and as long as she knows it that's what really matters. I don't think you should put off the wedding, especially because of Kermit. Don't let him have that power over the two of you. Maya loves you Shawn, and it's not like she even knows that you want to adopt her. It won't hurt her. The two of you getting married will be more than enough, so don't focus on Kermit. Focus on the family that his dumbass choices gave you."

"When did you get so wise?" Shawn asked, his tone only mostly joking.

"I think when I decided to be a teacher I turned into Feeney," he half-joked in return, "but mostly this is because I know you and I know that kid and I know what the both of you want and need. You need each other, you don't need a piece of paper changing her name."

"You're right," Shawn acknowledged, and reached across the table to shove his shoulder. "Thanks Cor."

"Anytime, buddy," he returned. "I'll take my payment for that brilliant bit of advice as an extra piece of your wedding cake."

* 

Lucas didn't pay much attention to the sounds around him as he made a last check through his locker, trying to determine if there was anything that he absolutely needed to carry home with him. After a moment of indecision, he tossed a few more of his notebooks into his bag, before, satisfied, he closed the door. Busy with re-arranging his possessions so that the bag could zip close, he didn't realise until the last minute that that quick patter of footsteps he had been hearing was heading directly towards him. Resultantly, he only had seconds to react when he heard a loud, cheerful "Hahurr!" but it was enough and he was able to drop his bag and immediately cradle Maya's legs supportively when she hopped onto his back, her arms wrapping around his neck.

"One of these days I won't catch you," he warned her, even as he smiled when she snuggled her face into his shoulder.

"You would never do that," she said confidently. "You love me too much."

Lucas knew she was teasing him when she said that – he could hear it in her tone – but his heart skipped a beat at that nevertheless, and he swallowed deeply against the feelings her words evoked.

"What's the cause of this?" he asked gruffly, jostling her lightly. "And you do realise we're still in school, right?"

"Shane's playing monopoly with his friends in the choir room," she replied with a dismissive shrug, "we're fine."

All the same, she tapped his shoulder, an indication that she wanted her legs free before she slid down his back until she was standing on her own.

He turned to face her, and couldn't help but reach out to tuck some fly away hair behind her ear, loving how her expression softened when he did it. It was always these simple gestures of care that she appreciated the most, he acknowledged, before, curious about the excitement that danced behind her eyes, he inquired as to the cause of it.

"Mr. J is going to let me test out of Art II," she said, bouncing on her feet with excitement. "Well not test out, since there's no final exam," she elaborated, "but he doesn't see the point of me actually taking the class since he's been doing a lot of the stuff with me on lunchtimes. I need to submit the four course-work assignments to him by the first day of school so he can officially do it, but three of them are things I already have at home so I just need to polish them up and the fourth is a collage that I can do in a day.

"It means that I'll have the pre-requisites to do some other art courses besides Photography!" she continued, and he couldn't help but smile at the way her face lit up the more she spoke. "I'm going to take that, Drawing and Music. Liam's in Drawing so I won't be all alone which is good since I'll be the only freshman. He wanted me to do Art History too but it's AP and Mr. J says that he doesn't want me overwhelmed, so we decided that we'd take it together next year which is why I'm doing Music. So, I'm going to do those three and in sophomore year I'll probably up Show Choir to a full elective class," she finished.

"I'm glad you figured out what you want to do," he answered, reaching out to rub her arm. "I know it was bothering you. And wow, testing out of a class isn't an easy thing. I'm proud of you."

"It's just an art class," she said dismissively, and his heart warmed at the way she looked away shyly as she said it.

She still wasn't used to praise, especially when it came to her talents. He loved that about her, how humble she was no matter how blown away people were by what she could accomplish. She didn't know her own worth, but he was determined that one day she would realise it.

"It's more than that," he rebutted gently. "I've seen all your stuff remember? Anyone who gets three of her works selected for art competitions in her first semester of high school is more than good enough to skip a crafts class. So you show all those upper classmen what you've got in Drawing next semester. Take no hostages."

"You really think I can do that?" she asked.

"I know you can," he returned, the corner of his mouth quirking when her eyes lit up before she leant forward and hugged his chest tightly, giving him the chance to inhale the lavender scent of her hair. "I really am proud of you," he said softly when she pulled a bit t look up at him, "for everything. You didn't get anything below a B-."

"That's Farkle's doing," she rebutted.

"Not all of it," he countered. "That A+ in Spanish was all you. As was Art and English."

"Stop it," she grumbled, biting at her lip.

He chuckled, seeing the way her cheeks were growing pink. "Okay," he agreed, stepping back from her to pick up his bag from where he had dropped it. "Shall we find everyone else?" he inquired.

"Let's," she agreed, slipping her arm through his. She really was taking advantage of Shane and his friends not being around, he noted, pulling her a bit closer to him. It was nice, neither of them liked the limits they had had to put on themselves, but so far at least, their efforts had paid off. Maya hadn't reported any subsequent issues with Shane since then, and seeing her relief at that fact was more than enough of a reason for him to continue to go along with it.

"What time do you leave tomorrow?" she asked him.

"At one," he answered. "Mary Beth's already demanded that we go riding first thing now that she's got a handle on her pony."

"I still can't believe Pappy Joe got her that for winning the pageant."

"She's got him wrapped around her little finger," he said with a grin.

"And you too," she teased him.

"You as well," he shot right back. "She'll want to talk to you, you know. She's forever asking me about my pretty friend."

Maya had first talked to the little girl during the Thanksgiving period. The pageant she had entered had occurred the Saturday before Thanksgiving week, and, after a bit of persuasion, Lucas' mother had convinced his father to just take him out of the school for that week, and, as a family, they had all headed home to Texas for an impromptu week-long vacation. Maya, bored, had called him, wondering at the muffled way he was speaking. In response, he had switched to a video call and she had gasped in delight to find him sprawled out on a swinging seat, the child sound asleep on top of him, still dressed in her pageant outfit, complete with the tiara she had won. It was a homely sight, one that she could not resist taking a screen shot of before the two of them had continued their soft conversation. Eventually though, Mary Beth had gotten up and soon commandeered the phone, leaving Lucas no choice but to sit there while she and Maya got to know each other better. Since then they talked frequently, and, as old fashioned as it sounded, Maya had taken to sending the girl letters through the mail after she had complained about never receiving mail for herself.

"Well obviously as soon as you land, we'll be talking," Maya said, shooting him an expectant look.

"Well obviously," he agreed, sneering at her until she laughed. "Will you be okay?" he asked then, his mind drifting to something Riley had mentioned.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" she asked, a bit confused, drawing them to a halt. "What did Riley tell you?"

He didn't even bother to deny it. "Just that Christmas is usually a rough time with you."

He watched as she grimaced at that, undoubtedly thinking about all the years where in the lead up to Christmas she had waited, first hoping for the man to return to them with gifts, and, in the later years, just for the man to call or send a card or just do something, anything, to acknowledge her existence. He never had. Lucas hadn't known Maya well enough his first Christmas in New York to realise it, and in the second year had been too preoccupied by the whole triangle thing to notice. This year though he was really aware of it, and wanted an assurance that she would be okay.

"I think I will be," she said softly. "I mean…I have Shawn now. And now that mom's working at Topanga's she's actually going to be home for Christmas so I wouldn't have to end up at Riley's just so I wouldn't be alone. He's probably going to run for the hills anyway when he sees just how ridiculous mom can be, but I'll be okay."

"What does your mom do?" he couldn't help but ask. He'd taken to spending a lot more time at Maya's ever since she'd hurt her shoulder, just making sure that she got home okay, or was just doing all right. It was a habit that hadn't really tapered off once the sling was off, and, in that time, he'd gotten to know both her and Mr. Hunter a lot better.

"Well when we still had the hole in the wall she'd come throw it dressed like an elf. I really don't think Shawn would have reacted well to that."

"Actually I don't think he would have minded the costume," he replied with a smirk, before laughing when she started to pummel at his chest all the while making gagging noises.

"Mom and Shawn do not do those things," she told him indignantly. "They hold hands and kiss when the occasion requires and cuddle their life away. That is all."

"Don't you want a baby brother or sister?"

"A stork will bring them!"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, sweetheart," he laughed, before snickering when she punched his chest again. "All right, I'll behave," he swore, raising his hands in surrender when she glared at him.

"You better had, cowboy," she warned before dropping her glare. "You will be back for the New Year's Eve party, right?"

"I'll be back on the 29th," he reassured her, smiling when the happy sparkle returned to her eyes. "My dad told the Matthews that he'll do the bar-keeping for the night. You'll love it, his non-alcoholic stuff is as good as the alcoholic."

"Sounds like you've had a good combination of the both," she said, quirking a brow at him.

"Things are mighty different in Texas," he returned with a mischievous grin. "Pappy Joe's long since made sure that I can handle myself in any circumstance."

"A grandpa after my own heart," she said, wiping away a fake tear. "I know you'll have a good time at home Lucas, but you're not allowed to have too much fun, you hear?"

Maya would never be someone who would just openly say what she meant, Lucas thought, even as he gave into the warm feeling the shy lilt to the end of her question evoked, and reached out to gently brush her cheek with his fingers, marvelling at the smooth softness of it. "Texas may be where I grew up, but my heart's here in New York now Maya. I don't think I can stay away for too long anymore."

"Good," she answered him gruffly, crossing her arms in front of her. "Saves me a trip there to drag your behind back up here."

He chuckled at that, and tapped her nose once. He looked past her after a second when he heard a faint sound further down the corridor, but it was only one of the school's janitors, dragging a bag behind him as he left a classroom. As he looked back towards her, something caught his attention from above, and, curious, he tilted his head back for a second look. A moment later, he wondered just how much fate hated him because, of all the places they could have stopped to talk, it was here, directly underneath a mistletoe.

He knew he could have simply ignored it and moved them on – Maya probably would have never even noticed it. But, in the seconds his mind took to cheer at the implications of what standing in that spot entailed, Maya, curious, looked up to see what he was staring at. He drew his gaze away to look at her face.

Her eyes widened minutely and, as he watched a sudden flush started to creep up onto her face as her eyes darted from the decoration to him and back again before she swallowed visibly. Not for the first time, Lucas forced himself not to dwell about what that reaction could mean. After all, if Maya felt absolutely nothing beyond friendship for him, wouldn't she have already made a joke and stepped away, or even just roll her eyes and kiss his cheek like she had done to Zay earlier that day? Instead, Maya was reacting to the situation with a sort of…no he wouldn't call it embarrassment. She seemed uncertain and kept looking toward him as if trying to figure out what exactly he was feeling or thinking.

It was his turn to bit at his lip when her tongue darted out to wet them, nothing more than a nervous reaction, but still, quite telling a gesture. He forced himself not to think about it too deeply. Dwelling too much on every little gesture or action she made would swiftly put him on the part to madness. Besides, he told himself, not for the first time, he wasn't allowed to let his eyes linger on his lips and wonder if they would feel as soft as they looked. He wasn't allowed to want to run his fingers gently through her hair and tighten his grip ever so carefully so he could hold her still for a kiss. He wasn't allowed to wonder if she'd react with that sweet shyness that tended to envelope her at times or if she would be her usual self and return the kiss with her usual buoyancy.

To think of those things would be disrespectful to both Riley and Shane, and, while he only cared for one of those two individuals, he knew that Maya would never forgive herself if they crossed any lines, even if he instigated it. It was that last thought, and a reminder of the promise he had made to Zay with regards to Riley that had him reluctantly trying to shelf his desire to hold her and to kiss her. Except, he noted when her blue eyes met his, he would never qualify for sainthood. And so, giving her ample time to step back if she indeed wanted to, Lucas did the next best thing. Cupping her chin gently, he leant forward and pressed his lips to the creamy skin of her forehead, closing his eyes briefly in appreciation before he pulled back.

The expression on Maya's face when he did so was not new to him. He'd seen a similar open vulnerability in her eyes when he'd grasped her face at the campfire and it was enough to lead him to pressing a second, though briefer kiss to the top of her head meant to be comforting before he stepped away.

"Lucas," she said huskily a moment later, her hand reaching up to touch the spot he had kissed.

Never had his name sounded so good before, he thought, even as he gave her a small smile, not trusting his own voice to respond in that moment, because god, how was it possible that he could feel so much from such a brief gesture of affection? How did such a small contact make him feel as if he was even more in love with her than before? He had no answers to those questions, and neither did he really want to dwell upon it right now. All he really wanted was from them to get out from under that mistletoe before he completely threw all reason out the window.

And so, he gently pulled her back to his side, and they continued on in search of their friends. And if the hand that he placed on her back didn't lie still but instead gently carded up and down it's expanse, neither of them mentioned it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, next time will be gifts, and maybe even New Years ?


	41. Chapter 41

"Wait a minute. Did he really not tell you he was going to Texas?" Maya asked, a while after the shock of their Secret Santa selections had faded. Well, it wasn't quite the traumatic experience for her that it threatened to be for some of the others. She'd already had been planning on getting Lucas a present for the holidays and had actually been working on it for a while now, so she was pretty much already set. Therefore, unlike the rest of them, she really did not have that much thinking to do and could instead just enjoy watching the rest of them stress out.

"No he didn't," Riley answered, lowering the hot chocolate she had been sipping on.

"Although, if he thinks that gets him out of Secret Santa, he's got a next thing coming."

Maya observed her for a moment. Riley's tone was stubbornly determined, but more importantly, there was no hint of actual annoyance or signs of her being upset about what Lucas had done. That gave Maya the reprieve she needed to let her amusement show. She had to admit that Lucas' plan was both ridiculous and effective and definitely would have succeeded if not for the fact that he had underestimated just how stubborn Riley could be. Still she gave him an A for effort, even though she would have to rip him a new one for what he had done regardless. It was the principle of the thing.

"You want to laugh, don't you?" Riley said, before rolling her eyes when her neutral expression cracked. "Go on, get it out of your system."

"You chased him out of state," Maya said, snickering. "The poor boy ran 1500 miles away to get away from you."

"It sounds bad when you put it that way," she returned, although she too started to snicker. "I wonder if he decided to go the moment I mentioned it?"

"Probably had his ticket booked before you finished saying "Santa"," she responded, her snicker turning into an all out chortle.

"I just don't get why you guys are so against it," Riley said eventually, once Maya had settled down. "It's fun."

"It stopped being fun when our group expanded. You, me and Farkle knew each other inside out Riles. It's not as easy when you throw in three new people into the mix." Maya explained, glancing across the room to where the rest of the gang were.

Although Zay and Smackle seemed engrossed in conversation, apparently content to ignore the situation until a later time, Farkle was not as at ease. Indeed, while he was participating in the conversation about whatever they were talking about, Maya could see the way he kept shooting furtive, almost panicked expressions Zay's way ever so often. Zay was quite eclectic in terms of the things he liked, and so pinpointing one thing to get him for a gift would be difficult, especially for Farkle. Maya wondered how long it would take him to cave and start asking Lucas, or even Smackle, for assistance. He would know better than to come to her though. Early in December she had appealed to him to talk Riley out of having Secret Santa this year. However, he had refused, saying that it was something that Riley really enjoyed doing, and who was he to try to restrain her in that respect. This was just punishment for him not heeding her words, Maya thought smugly, not feeling an ounce of sympathy for him. That would teach him to listen to her from now on.

"Well that's exactly what makes it so great," Riley said loftily. "I think it'll be great for us."

"And I think you're delusional," she returned with a broad grin, chuckling when Riley huffed and turned away.

As she expected, it took all of three sips of her drink for Riley to turn back to her, already over her little tiff. "Shouldn't you leave soon?" she said then, glancing at the clock on the wall across from them. "It's nearly four. Your date starts at five right?"

"Don't remind me," she groaned, leaning her head back against the sofa. "I think I'd rather just stay here."

"Wait, why don't you want to go?" she asked, confused, poking her in the side when she didn't immediately respond.

"Because he texted me earlier to change our plans," she grumbled, turning her head so that she could look at her. "Apparently Kira wasn't doing anything today, so he told her to come. So it'll be burger and fries with a side of glares and snide."

"Why does he let them treat you like this?" Riley protested.

"Because I'm just over-reacting," she explained, with a roll of her eyes. "It's not that they don't like me, I just need to give them the chance to get to know me better. I'm a great person, how can they not love me?" she finished snidely.

"We'll he's not wrong about the great part," Riley commiserated, and rubbed her cheek endearingly against her shoulder.

"Oh hush you," she responded gruffly, pushing her away. "You don't get a choice in loving me."

"As if I'd need one," she answered with a small smile. "Say, do you want me to come? I don't mind."

"No," she said quickly, despite being grateful for the offer. "I know you're decorating your room tonight. Don't let me keep you back from that."

"I've have a winter wonderland waiting for you," Riley promised, and from the way she didn't try to push back against it Maya knew she had made the right decision. Riley was better off at home doing something fun; there was no need for the two of them to be miserable. "Don't forget we're putting up the tree tomorrow. Mom's already polished your ornament"

"I'll be there," she confirmed. "I promised Ava I'd help her make hers."

"Why didn't she ask me?" she pouted. "She's spending the day with us."

"Probably because you're not allowed within five feet of hot glue," she deadpanned, chuckling when Riley huffed once again.

"Why are you even going?" Riley asked then, effectively changing the subject. "It's not like you'll have fun, so just cancel and come home with me. It's not like he'll be there by himself."

"Trying not to rock the boat here Riles," she responded, although she was a bit taken aback by how easy Riley seemed to dismiss the relevance of the date. Was it just over two months prior when Riley would spend every free minute they had together discussing what she should wear, how she should style her hair? But then again, she noted wryly as she glanced down at the simple tee-shirt and jeans she wore, it wasn't as if she had made that much of an effort that morning when she had gotten dressed. "He's already upset that I wouldn't spend more time with him over the holidays. I can at least give him this date, with or without Kira being there."

Maya watched as Riley's jaw clenched at that, an obvious sign that she was struggling to refrain from comment. Maya was relieved for that; she was simply not in the mood to defend him if it came to that right now since she was actually peeved that he had decided to bring Kira. More than that, it was becoming more than a little apparent to her that, over the past few weeks, Riley had lost most of her goodwill toward Shane. Actually, she amended, letting her gaze drift across the bakery to where the rest of them were, all of them had to varying degrees. She couldn't account for why it was happening and apparently so systematically, but neither was she willing to ask. As the saying went, ignorance was indeed bliss, and she quite enjoyed being happy.

"Anyway," she pushed on, before Riley gave into her temptation to speak her mind. "Maybe you have the right idea. Going alone won't be much fun. I'll give Liam a call and see if he's willing to crash since we'll be eating near his place."

"That's a good idea," Riley replied, brightening. "You two always have fun together."

"We do," Maya confirmed, smiling happily. Liam's brand of humour and bluntness always made for an enjoyable time.

However, in hindsight, it was those very two qualities that would make her wish that she never made that phone call to him.

* 

She supposed that she should have mentioned Liam's incoming presence once she had gotten there, but truthfully, there had not been much time for her to do so, not with the way that Kira seemed intent to talk over her or else keep distracting Shane's attention away from her. It was an irritating habit, but one that she had largely gotten used to. When Kira and Stacy were both present there were a plethora of sly comments and dirty looks whenever Shane's attention wasn't solely on them, but when either of them were alone, distraction was the order of the day. It was as if neither of them had the courage to continue their assaults when on their own, and while, more than once, she had wanted to do nothing more than call them out on it, knowing that Shane would not like it had stilled her tongue.

It was the same this time, and so, rather than even attempt to worm her way into the conversation, she focussed first on ordering what she wanted and then on her phone, hoping that Liam would just hurry up and come. She really did not think that she would get through this solo. Briefly, she wondered, as Kira giggled, how on earth she had found herself being a third wheel on her very own date, but there didn't seem to be a way out of that right about now, and she found solace in the way that Shane, at least, reached out beneath the table with his foot to rub it gently along the length of her calf. That, was at least reassuring. Regardless, she was still more than a little happy when the restaurant's door opened, and Liam sauntered in, making a beeline for them, a decidedly wicked grin already on his face.

The urge to hug him when he dropped down beside her was very hard to restrain.

"Sup, boneheads?" he greeted.

"Why are you here?" Shane asked, surprised, while beside him, Kira's face fell.

"To eat fries," he responded cheerfully, putting words to action by snagging a few of them from her tray, pointedly biting down on them. Maya didn't protest; he was doing her a tremendous favour after all. Besides, she had expected him to do something like this; it was why she had ordered large of everything in the first place.

"Maya?" Shane inquired, looking at her, probably noting that she seemed unfazed by his presence.

"I told him where we were," she explained with a shrug, not quite meeting his gaze. "Since he was free I figured he could join us."

"Especially seeing that you brought a little friend of your own," Liam piped up, reaching for an taking a sip of her drink.

"I got you a straw," she snapped, glaring at him.

"Then you should have unwrapped it and had it in here," he responded, pointedly slurping loudly on hers. "I ain't afraid of your cooties, so chillax okay? I know where your mouth has been."

"That's gross," Kira said with a scowl, shooting him a disgusting look. "Do you always have to act like a pig?"

"With the amount of bacon I eat, it's hard not to," he shot back. "You better had have put some in this by the way," he added, nudging at the burger she had not touched as yet.

"Of course I did," she returned. "Sorry, they don't sell popcorn here."

"You can get me some tomorrow," he said magnanimously. "Now, what are we talking about folks?"

It took Maya roughly five minutes to realise why Liam had agreed so quickly to come. Oh, she knew that he would. Neither of them would ignore a direct plea for help from the other, although there was bound to be copious amounts of attitude or complaints or bargaining or outright blackmailing involved. Liam had been shockingly quick in agreeing, and, while at the time she had put it down to him being bored, she realised now that his arrival was less to do with her, and a lot more to do with harassing Kira who obviously did not like him. The feeling was definitely mutual though, and so Liam was going out of his way to make the short-haired girl uncomfortable. It was actually rather amusing to watch her try and at times fail to keep her temper in check, and Maya actually had to disguise a snicker as a cough when the sophomore 'accidentally' flicked an onion so that it landed on her.

It seemed as if Liam was having a grand time, making it his personal agenda to repay Shane and Kira two-fold for all the discomfort she had experienced recently. But, a minute later, when Shane left to use the washroom, Maya decided that his fun really wasn't quite entertaining anymore.

"So, what the hell is your deal?" Liam demanded the moment Shane was out of earshot, losing every ounce of his cheerfulness.

"Liam," Maya gasped out, shocked by his bluntness. However, before she could say anything further, Liam had a hand over her mouth.

"Shut up Blondie," he bid, sparing her a glance. "I don't know why your balls fall off whenever this happens, but it ends today."

"I'm a girl," she grumbled, batting his hand away.

"Well I don't know what the equivalent would be for you," he said with a shrug, briefly losing the air of intimidation that he was trying to sport. "Ovarian fortitude? Anyway, don't distract me. You," he continued, pointing his finger at Kira, "spill it. What do you have against Maya?"

"I don't know what you mean," she returned, straightening in her seat.

"Oh, you don't?" he shot back, snidely. "You just happened to not have plans the one day this holiday these two were meeting up? And these past few weeks? When you don't manage to wheedle your way into tagging along you always find a reason to call him for just the littlest of things, because it definitely can't wait one more hour, Shaney!" he finished, his intonation rising in a surprisingly accurate imitation of her. "Girl, please."

Kira's face darkened, whether it be from embarrassment or irritation, she did not know, but, before she could string together a response, Shane was sliding into his seat, his pleasant expression fading at Kira's expression. "Um? What did I miss?" he asked tentatively, looking at each of them in turn.

"Oh, nothing much," Liam said airily, snatching up a next handful of fries. "Kira was just about to admit that she's in love with you and that's why she treats Maya like dirt."

And that was when everything just went to hell in a hand basket.

* 

"Are you proud of yourself?" Maya hissed a while later, glaring at Liam. "We got kicked out of the restaurant!"

"That wasn't my doing," he defended, pumping his legs a little faster to gain traction on the swing he had dropped down on a few minutes before. "I didn't tell Kira to shriek like a banshee. Or to pelt her sandwich at me."

"Yeah, but you saw how upset she was getting and you kept egging her on!"

"Why are you mad?" he returned with a huff. "Best case scenario happened. Your failure of a date is over and you get to spend the rest of the evening with me," he returned, giving her a broad grin, that, despite her annoyance, had her relaxing her stance. "Or are you mad that Shane left to take her home?"

With a long suffering sigh, she claimed the other swing, glad that her coat and gloves were thick enough that she did not feel the biting cold of the metal. "That actually doesn't bother me," she admitted. "But I know that he's not going to be happy," she said. "Maybe bringing you wasn't that good an idea."

"You're the one that shouldn't be happy," he scoffed. "He effed up. I don't know why you get like this."

"Get like what?" she asked, confused, glancing at him.

He made an annoyed sound. "It's always excuses or maybe I should have done X or Y instead with you," he said. "I don't like it. You're different when it comes to him, and not a good different."

"I am?"

"You don't even see it, do you?" he said, frustrated, setting his foot down to halt the swing. "You let him bring Kira even though you didn't like it. You go to the studio every Saturday even though you're bored out of your skull. And you're hiding Lucas from him just to keep him happy."

"I'm not-" she began, but the lie was cut off by Liam's expression. "How did you know?" she asked instead, worried.

"Because I have eyes," he retorted. "I was there for all the friend drama remember? I remember the kicked puppy look you get whenever something's wrong, and yet now you supposedly don't talk to him much anymore you're fine and dandy? Shane may be an idiot but I'm far from one."

"Does he know?" Maya asked, biting down on her lip.

"No," he answered, exasperated. "He's still over the moon about how great a girlfriend you are for being so understanding. I'll definitely be a fly on the wall when that blows up by the way."

"It's not going to," she answered. "He won't know."

"Is that what you tell yourself to sleep at night?" he asked with mock sympathy.

"Does Kira really like him?" she asked, desperate to change the subject, because truthfully she knew that he was right. Shane finding out about her deception was one thing she never wanted to happen, and she was afraid that her even thinking about it would somehow spur it into reality.

"Either her or Stacy," he replied with a shrug. "Although if the sandwich I barely ducked was anything to go by I'd wager it's her if anything."

"Should I be worried?"

"Can't say," he answered. "I mean the two of them have been around since like forever and he's never looked at either one of them. But then again if this was one of those stupid rom-coms then she's probably confessing to Shane all now and he's working out the best way to dump you because beneath it all, he knows that it's her he wants."

"Yeah well not going to happen," she snapped roughly, "this is my story so the happy ending is mine to get?"

"Kitty cat's got claws," he answered with some amusement. "That's good Blondie. That's the reaction a girl's supposed to have when someone's sniffing around her man."

"Now you're being ridiculous," she grumbled looking away. "Where are we away?" she asked then.

Now that she had made her displeasure with his behaviour known, Maya actually took in the small, isolated park they were in. It wasn't much of anything, containing just the swings they were own, an emptied sandbox and a few benches and tables that had definitely seen better days scattered about it. It was more of the sort of park she would expect to find near to the part of New York she lived, not in the slightly posher area that Shane and Liam resided in, but then again, she had been too heated before to really pay attention to just how far she had followed Liam once they had left the restaurant.

When Liam responded, his voice was surprisingly sentimental, putting her instantly on alert. "If this park has a name I never learnt it," he responded, his eyes drifting around the small area with obvious fondness. "My dad used to call it 'The Great Escape'. We used to come here a lot when I was a kid, before he died. You see those apartments over there?" he asked, pointing over the sparse trees that formed a rudimentary boundary around the area's perimeter. "That's where I used to live. Daddy and I would come down here at least once a week, more if I'd had a bad day and we'd just play here for hours and hours and then he'd put me on his back and we'd go back home. I still come here when I want a break from everything. No one really knows that I come here so I always have privacy."

"I won't tell anyone," she promised solemnly.

"I know you won't," he said, giving her a brief smile. "I've got some supplies stashed away in the trunk of that tree," he said, pointing once more. "It's pretty hollow on the inside and no one thinks twice about it. Got some pencils and pages tucked into there just in case I get some inspiration. Got some spare cash and the like as well...just in case."

"Just in case you get hungry?" she said jokingly, but Liam's face remained unmoved.

"Among other things," he said vaguely.

"I hope those other things are good things William," a deep, almost baritone voice said, startling the both of them.

So engrossed had Maya been in listening to Liam's words that she hadn't even realised when someone else had entered the park, far less approached them. She looked up, her mind registering that there was something vaguely familiar about that tone.

"Go away Uncle James," Liam said exasperatedly. "I'm fine. We're fine, so go find some actual delinquents to go harass."

Maya swallowed deeply and abruptly stood, trepidation filling her as she placed the man dressed in uniform. It was the same policeman, just past his prime who had caught her at Christopher Park all those months ago.

"I'm not doing anything," she blurted out, raising her hands up defensively, garnering a confused look from Liam in the process.

"That I know, Maya Hart" the man responded as he stepped closer, observing her. "You've done good in keeping off my radar, though I admit, I had wondered if it really was you that my little William befriended."

"I ain't little no more," Liam replied gruffly, crossing his arms, before, realising something, asked,

"You two know each other?"

"I'm not supposed to know her," the man answered, giving her a pointed look that had her looking down at the ground guiltily while shuffling her feet back and forth. Now that so much time had passed she actually felt ashamed of what she had done, but more importantly, what she actually considered doing.

"Blondie?" Liam said curiously, poking her arm. "Don't tell me you actually got in trouble with Uncle James, here?"

"I may have graffitied a park," she admitted reluctantly, her shame evident in her tone

"That was you?!" he said incredulously, looking to the man for confirmation. She lifted her head, and hesitantly nodded, waiting for an explosion of disbelief or the sorts from him. Instead she found excitement sparkling in the sophomore's eyes before he declared, "Dude, forget friendship, marry me now."

She let out a startled laugh at that, while the policeman groaned and shook his head before reaching out to aim a tap at Liam's head that he barely dodged.

"Hey that's police brutality!" he complained loudly. "I can sue!"

"And you're contributing to the delinquency of a minor," the man returned with equal levity. "Try me. I can play this game whole day."

"Never mind," he grumbled, turning to her once again. "Uncle James complained about that mural so much I went to see it. I would have never guessed that you did it. I mean it's good, but it's not really your style. Your work isn't so loud and obvious."

"Yeah well I wasn't actually myself when I drew it," she said after swallowing deeply, goosebumps running down the length of her arms as she recalled the abject despair and confusion she had felt around that time. "I needed to be loud."

"And are you yourself now?" the police officer asked, eyeing her critically.

"I am," she answered with surety, not sure why she felt a burst of pride when he gave her an approving nod at her response.

"She's herself except when she's with her boyfriend," Liam amended.

She reached out with her foot and kicked his shin, causing him to yelp. "That was assault! Arrest her."

"I didn't see a thing," Officer James responded suavely. "Anyway William," he said, growing serious. "Your uncle's already spoken to me about what's going on. I'll be there when I'm needed."

"I know," he answered, stuffing his hands into his pocket. "I hope it doesn't come to that though."

"I hope it doesn't."

They were speaking in the vaguest of terms, but Maya still realised the nature of their conversation and suddenly found herself looking at the officer with new eyes. Liam was speaking to the man almost affectionately, and there was a softness to in the man's tone when he spoke to him. More than that, even now one of Liam's hands unconsciously moved to grip his forearm right where the long, jagged scar his mom had caused would be. Could it be?

She was jarred from her thought though when the device on the man's shoulder crackled to life and she heard the slightly distorted voice of a woman. The police man listened for a moment, barked a code in response before focusing on them again. "I'm needed," he said simply. "William, you know where to find me if you need me," he said seriously. "As for you Maya Hart-"

"Yes sir?" she squeaked out.

"This is for you," he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a business card which she gingerly took from him.

She scanned it quickly and saw that it was his name followed by two telephone numbers.

"You can reach me at that anytime," he informed her, and, meeting his gaze, Maya saw none of the sternness she had been met with the first time they had interacted. "If you ever need to talk to someone about anything, no matter what, or if you need something, you call that number, you hear and don't go painting up any more walls."

"I will," she promised, curling her fingers around it. "Thank you."

The man nodded at her, reached out and patted Liam on the shoulder before walking away. Maya stared down at the card for one more long moment before taking out her phone and sliding the card into the case, wagering that she would not have use for it but at the same time not quite willing to just throw it away.

"He's the one who saved you from your mom, isn't he?" she asked, looking at Liam who was still staring out to where the man had disappeared.

"He lives in that building," Liam confirmed, his voice gruff. "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. He's a great man."

"I don't doubt that," she said, acknowledging that he had to be. She would have probably ended up hauled before some sort of juvie court if it wasn't for his mercy.

Liam didn't respond, and looking to him she saw a series of emotions flit across his face before he finally looked down at her. "Alex told you about my mom, right? That she wanted me back?"

"He did," she confirmed. It was the first time that Liam had made direct reference to the covert conversations she and his boyfriend had been having all those weeks before. They still talked now, but Liam was always aware of the nature of their conversations. It was an unnecessary safeguard, because Liam had on more than one occasion assured them that he was over it, but Maya hadn't wanted to take the risk.

"Well she found some crackpot lawyer who's taken up the case," he told her, his voice lowering. "Aunt Casey keeps saying that I have nothing to worry about but Uncle Jake's lawyered up as well and if he's talking to Uncle James…"

Liam broke off, seeming unable to continue speaking. Maya couldn't blame him though, feeling a mix of sadness, worry and anger war within her as he seemed to just shrink in on himself. Without realising it, she reached out and touched his arm. He jumped slightly but looked from it to her for a second before giving her a half-smile. "I'm okay, Blondie," he said, though his tone was far from reassuring.

"I'm sorry," she returned softly. "I dragged you out here to deal with my stupid problem when you have this going on."

"I wanted to deal with your stupid problems," he rebutted gently. "It's better than dealing with my own."

"But-"

"No, Maya," he said firmly, and reached out to press his finger against her lips, silencing her. "I don't want to talk about it okay? I don't want you to worry about it either. There's literally nothing that we can do to change any of this. I can't change the fact that some asshole lawyer feels that my mom deserves to have custody of me after what she's done. I don't have any control over that, and neither do you. So why don't we just forget about my problems and deal with yours? We can solve that."

Despite his words Maya knew that he was putting up a front. She knew that he just wasn't ready to talk about it, but she could and would respect that. It wasn't her place to try to force him to communicate when he wasn't willing, and so she would play along. "I didn't realise I had problems," she said. "Well beside Kira."

"Yeah well you have a big one coming up," he said. "Did you never think to ask Shane why he was so insistent that you come celebrate New Year's with us?"

"Not really," she admitted frowning. Truth be told she had pretty much forgotten about that near-argument they had had once it had passed. Shane wanted her to go to Times Square with his family and Liam's as was their tradition, and she wanted to be with Riley as always, surrounding by her friends and this time, her mother and Katy. There was no contest between which she would choose, and while Dylan had had to step in and tell Shane that he really was being unreasonable trying to guilt her into coming, she hadn't given it much consideration at all as her mind had already been fixed on her original, traditional plan. "What? Is there something I should know?"

"Shane's one for grand gestures," Liam said, looking at her, "but I'm sure you already know that."

That, she could not deny and so she nodded.

"Well what's the grandest way to start of a new year than watching the ball drop with your girlfriend before telling her you love her just after that first kiss of the year?"

Maya gaped, out-rightly gaped at that, feeling as if a glass of icy water had been thrown down her back. It was simply not something she could process and so, she stood there for who knows how long dumbfounded.

"Yesh, it's a good thing I told you," Liam noted, cringing slightly. "I don't think Shane would appreciate that reaction."

"Love?" Maya finally squeaked out. "He loves me?"

"That's what he told Dylan who told Emily who told me," Liam answered with a shrug. "Figured you out to know so you could handle yourself whenever he does tell you."

"I-"

Liam surprised her by reaching out and pinching her nose roughly for a second, the discomfort jarring her out of her state.

"Liam, I-" she broke out, unsure of what to say to that.

What could she say to that? Shane loved her? She wasn't sure how to react to that. Logically she knew that she should be ecstatic, that this would be the culmination of all her efforts over the past few weeks to be a good girlfriend paying off. She'd done everything she was supposed to: texted him daily and nightly, scribbled little flirtatious notes to him, held his hand, kissed his cheek, wore the outfits he seemed to like best a bit more frequently, tried to get to know his hobbies and his friends better. It was a tiring routine, but she had managed it once she had flung herself into it wholeheartedly and Shane loving her as a result was the perfect end result, the perfect sign that she was actually fulfilling her role of being a great girlfriend to him. And yet the thought of that L would somehow filled her with dread. Because him saying that would mean that she would have to return the statement, and somehow, her throat seemed to lock at the very thought of saying those three words back to him.

"Good God, you'd swear I threatened you," Liam commented, once again drawing her from her thoughts. "Sheesh, I'm glad I told you, otherwise we'd have to bury Shane with the old year if he saw you like this."

"What am I supposed to do?" she finally asked shakily.

"Don't ask me," he bid. "I actually love my boyfriend."

"And I don't?" she couldn't help but ask, although her tone was not so much questioning as it almost seemed to be seeking validation.

"Only you know the answer to that Maya," Liam replied. "But at least now you have a few days to figure out exactly what you're going to say to him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I realised that the 'chapter' was hitting the 14,000 word mark I knew I needed to stop and start segmenting it off so it's now being broken into 3.
> 
> Therefore this chapter is well...this. Chapter 42 will be Gifts/Christmas and 43 will be New Years.
> 
> A lot of it is already written so it's just a matter of filling in some missing scenes (especially for Chapter 42, Chapter 43 is nearly complete plot wise) etc to round it all off. Therefore I can near guarantee (let's give some leeway for you know...life) that there will be weekly updates until early June.


	42. Chapter 42

"Okay guys," Maya said, trying to sound normal despite the lump in her throat, "I think we all need to take a pause here."

Beside her, Riley was silent, tense even as she looked on at the abject disaster the Secret Santa exchange had turned into. Farkle sported a decidedly hurt expression, one that would have had Maya turning violent with the culprit if it wasn't for the fact that it was Riley who had put that look on his face there with her gift of a menorah. Zay was, even now, gingerly picking up the book that had barely missed his head and, despite the fear in his eyes as he glanced towards a decidedly angry Smackle, she recalled the pure confusion and disappointment in his eyes as he had uncovered a science game. She as well was forcibly trying to suppress the negative feelings that uncovering a broken clock had evoked, trying to tell herself that there had to be a deeper reason for this, that Smackle wouldn't have so earnestly handed her a piece of junk as a representative of what she thought of her.

She had to believe that, or else she would find herself tossing it to the floor and storming out.

"I think we should just leave," Farkle said, his tone strained. "Let's go Smackle."

"Farkle I didn't give you that to insult you," Riley blurted out as he made to stand, her tone wavering. She sat up a bit straighter, releasing her hold on the large red envelope Zay had handed her earlier on behalf of Lucas earlier.

"Why else would you give that to me, Riley?" he asked. However, despite the hurt in his tone, Maya noted the way he settled back down into his seat, though his shoulders remained tense and squared.

"We need to talk these gifts through," Maya said then after Riley didn't answer, clearly not certain as to how to explain herself. "I don't think that any of us meant these things as pranks or jokes right?" she asked, letting her eyes rove over each of them in turn. Seeing no signs of guilt on any of their faces, she nodded. "Okay, how about we split up for a bit? Riles, you and Farkle talk. Same for you and Smackle, Zay. Then you and I can switch with Farkle and Smackle."

"What are you going to do in the while?" Zay asked her, even as he stood.

"Text my boyfriend," she answered, striving to make her tone jovial but not quite managing it. She couldn't think of Shane without recalling Liam's revelation, and now, days later, she still had no solution to that. "So," she continued loudly to cover for her tone, "you and Farkle stay here okay Riles? You and the lovely Ms. Smackle," she said, pronouncing her name with a French accent, "can have the seats over there, Zay" she finished, waving towards the arm chairs near to the bookshelves. "I'll be the one at the counter making sure that no fights break out. Chop! Chop!"

Although it was with clear reluctance, everyone listened. She watched as Smackle stood and, after looking to Farkle for reassurance, walked away, leaving it up to Zay to bring both the gift he had brought and the one he received with him. Maya stood with a small grunt, placing her own gift box on the table.

"Farkle," she said seriously, pinning him with a firm look, "Riley would never deliberately hurt you. You know that. Give her a chance to explain."

Farkle met her gaze and, despite the hurt she read there she saw a glimmer of remembrance and understanding in his eyes before he nodded, taking a visible breath before releasing it and some of the tension in his frame.

Patting Riley's shoulder once in encouragement, Maya walked to the counter and claimed a stool. Her mother and Topanga had baked way too many cookies the day before, and so had set them in a basket on the counter as a complementary treat for customers. But, seeing how they were now officially closed until the 27th, Maya dug right into it, facing away from the rest of the bakery to afford the talking couples some privacy. She would hear if she needed to intervene, but she sincerely hoped that it would not come to it.

Slipping her phone out of her back pocket, she pulled up her list of contacts, finger hovering over Shane's name for a long moment, but, after three failed attempts to actually bring herself to press dial, she backtracked, and, almost without conscious thought, called Lucas instead. There was an hour time difference between the two states but she was certain that it was early enough that Lucas wouldn't be busy with helping set things out for supper.

As she expected, when he answered on the third ring, his tone was relaxed yet curious, and she breathed a sigh of relief. "Cowboy."

"How bad is it?" he asked wryly.

"Smackle pelted her gift, Farkle nearly walked out and Zay looked like he wanted to set his on fire."

Lucas hissed at that, and she knew that he was shaking his head back and forth. "Horrible, terrible idea," he said with a sigh. "This Secret Santa thing needs to die, seriously."

"I think it will after this year," Maya admitted, snagging and taking a bite of a cookie. "Riles screwed up badly by trying to put a theme to it. How the hell am I a broken clock?"

"Smackle gave that to you?" Lucas said incredulously.

"I'm trying not to read too much into it," she said, trying to keep any traces of her emotion out of her tone. "It probably makes the world of sense to Smackle, so I'm going to wait until she explains it to me."

"It better be a great explanation," Lucas responded, his tone mildly terse, "or else I'm going to have to talk to Farkle about exactly what aspects of the world he's introducing her to."

Maya squirmed slightly at the undercurrent of protectiveness to his tone, enjoying the way it made her feel. "I wish you were here," she admitted, popping the last bit of the cookie into her mouth. "It's weird trying to corral everyone together to work this out. This is more Riley's territory, or yours even. I'm not supposed to be the one trying to get everyone to kiss and make-up."

"There's kissing going on?" he joked, causing her to snort. "Don't worry so much, Maya. They'll be fine. I don't hear any yelling which is always a good thing. You're doing fine."

"Tell me that when everyone's back in a good mood," she grumbled, trying to ignore the way her cheeks warmed at the compliment, offhand though it be.

"Are you okay, otherwise?" he asked then. "You seemed a little quiet when I talked to you last night."

"Yeah, I'm fine," she answered. "Tired, I guess."

"That doesn't sound like regular ole tired," he returned gently. "Did something happen?"

"I-I don't want to talk about it," she answered honestly.

He'd called her right on the heels of her conversation with Shane, an almost painfully awkward one because she had found herself with very little to say to him. Thankfully Shane was the type of person who could keep a conversation going with little input from anyone else but Maya just hadn't been into it. Neither of them had addressed what had happened during the date in any real way and although she wondered if it was just something they would pretend never happened, she wasn't sure she was okay with that but hadn't been able to think of a suitable way to segue into a discussion. And so, she had just ended up listening to Shane speak for a while before thankfully he got called away by his little sister who wanted someone to play with.

Lucas calling her right after had been soothing, but much like with Shane, she hadn't said much although in Lucas' case it was more because she was content to just hear him speak, his warm, accented tones relaxing her so that she had woken up that morning unaware of when she had drifted off with her phone held loosely in her grip and a text from Lucas telling her that he hoped she slept well and no, she did not snore, and he was mildly disappointed by that fact because it would have made good ammunition for him against her.

"Okay" he said, accepting that. "But if something is wrong-"

"I will talk to someone," she finished, shaking her head lightly at the near-mantra he tended to recite whenever something like this occurred.

"Good girl," he answered, causing her to smile and adjust herself more comfortable against the counter.

"I'm not so good," she replied, a lilt of mischief colouring her tone. "Anyway, keep my company until it's my turn to talk, okay?" she bid. "Where's my Mary Beth? Tell me what she's doing."

* 

"Why did you get me this menorah, Riley?" Farkle asked, once everyone had moved away from them. "I thought you understood-" Farkle stopped speaking, unable to properly construct what he was feeling.

He hadn't expected to find a menorah when he had opened his gift. It was one of the most recognisable symbols of the Jewish faith and seeing it had been such a slap in the face. Mr. Matthews' assignment had opened up a chasm that, despite how much he tried to, he couldn't ignore, something he hated because it left him with such a roiling feeling of uncertainty that he often times found himself forcibly closing his laptop or books and trying to forget about the topic until it reared its ugly head again. So, to see that right in front of him, and to know that it came from Riley of all people...that hurt.

Except, even now she was still looking at him with those large brown eyes that were as open as ever, and he could see no sign of malice in her gaze. Not that Riley was capable of such a thing. She could never and would never be, which is why he knew that Maya was right, that he had to give her a chance to properly explain.

"I hurt you," Riley began sadly, and briefly sucked at her lip. "Farkle...I didn't mean for you to think that I believe that this is who you are. I...you're not Jewish...well you are, but still aren't and...I...I'm explaining this badly," she said taking a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say," she said, beginning again, "is that on Culture Day we realised that there was a part of you that never existed before. You found out that you had a new history, a new heritage and that changed how you could see the world, and how I could see you.

"You've always been Farkle Minkus to me," she continued, leaning forward so that her hand was also sharing the weight of the menorah, "but this represents a next layer to you that I want to get to know, that I think you want to get to know even though you haven't really said it. All I've been doing ever since we found out was researching into your heritage Farkle, what it means, what the people who have gone before dealt with, how they see this world and how you possibly could. And I know you have as well because half the time when I borrow a book from the library your name's already scribbled in on the loan card."

"The internet only says so much," he admitted.

"I know that," she answered. "I've seen that. Farkle, you've said more than once that you want to have broader perspectives - new perspectives. You want to see the world in different ways, not just as a giant laboratory for you to play in. That's why you told Maya and I to teach you about love; that's why you stayed with us rather than transferring to Einstein. So maybe you can see this as a lesson to, a new way to look at things.

"I don't know what you're going to find Farkle; I won't pretend to because this is your life, and your history and I don't think anyone has the right to tell you how you should think. But I've been learning about it so that if...when you're ready, if you want to talk about it we can. So, I can understand where you're coming from. Because this is a part of you Farkle, and I want to know every part of you no matter what it is. So, I got you this, both to represent that new part of you, but also as a reminder to the both of us.

"You see the world as left to right Farkle, but with the menorah, everything goes right to left. It's opposite to what you know, what you do, and maybe if you look at things from that opposite, see your world from that other half, you might better be able to make sense of everything. And that's what it means to me, why it reminds me of you, and that's why I got it for you Farkle.

"It wasn't to tell you that you shouldn't only believe in science, that you shouldn't celebrate Christmas anymore, or that you should start celebrating Hanukkah. This is to show you that you can celebrate it all or none of itl, because it doesn't matter. You will always be you and I will always be here for you because I love you Farkle, all of you, and I will always love you."

Farkle swallowed, feeling mildly overwhelmed the longer he listened to Riely speak. He had been wrong in the best of ways about the present she had given to him, and, as she spoke, he found himself staring down at the beautiful item, taking it in with new eyes, his grip on it growing more reverent and careful, looking at Riley's slender fingers as she curled them around it as well, supporting its weight, supporting him. He looked up as she stopped speaking and saw nothing but love and acceptance in her eyes as she met his. He swallowed again deeply, blown away, and knew that if it wasn't for the grip she still held on it, the menorah would have fell because suddenly, inexplicably, it felt as if all the oxygen in his lungs had been sucked out and he struggled for a breath the more he looked at her. There was something so overwhelmingly beautiful about Riley in that moment that he felt weak, weak in a way he had never felt before in relation to anyone. He'd always found her beautiful, and had never ever hidden that fact, but there was something different now, an almost glow about her that made him want to...made him want to...

"I love you too," he responded, the words slipping easily from his lips.

He knew it didn't do much to address any of what she had said to him, but still he knew that she understood everything that he was trying to convey with that one simple sentence. Riley's hand was suddenly guiding his downwards until the menorah was safely lain down on the table and then they were hugging, the angle slightly awkward but yet still so good. Farkle closed his eyes, his arms tightening around her shoulders as he held on for one long moment, embracing and relishing the strength that Riley exuded, feeling all of his uncertainty slip away until he was smiling genuinely when they pulled back, both of them remaining on the edge of their respective seats to lessen the distance between them. He didn't even notice when he leant forward enough so that he could rest his hand against her knee, unconsciously wanting to retain some sort of connection to her.

"I'm going to look into this more," he said then.

"Maybe we can research together?" Riley offered, and he nodded accepting that.

He sat back comfortably and patted at the spot next to him in invitation. He watched, pleased, as she eagerly took Smackle's spot, snuggling close to him so that she was pressed firmly against his side. He almost flinched when she first touched him, feeling an almost electrical shock run through him despite the layer of clothes between him. His eyes widened slightly and he looked down into her large brown eyes, that inexplicable inability to breath rearing its head once again.

What was happening, he wondered, even as he raised his arm so that she could snuggle closer, his arm wrapping around her shoulder. The tingling feeling returned, less strong but definitely there, and with every shift against him that she made Farkle felt a pang of feeling in response. He couldn't really explain it. It was similar to what he always felt when he looked at Riley or even thought about her, but still it was different, stronger in a way and considerably deeper. It was a feeling that had him leaning his head forward enough that he could covertly press his nose to her hair, smelling the cinnamon spice shampoo she had started using in deference to the Christmas season.

Riley seemed not to notice his ruminations, content apparently to just stare at the menorah she had given to him. But, his attention on it was not as fixed as he found himself looking from Riley to Maya and back again, focussing on the feeling evoked when he looked back and forth between them and then, finally, looking toward Smackle with assessing eyes.

He never did reach a conclusion in that moment though, Maya interrupting him to switch places once it was clear that Zay and Smackle had reached a satisfactory conclusion with their own conversation.

* 

"I am unhappy with you," Smackle said unceremoniously the moment she and Zay were out of earshot of everyone else.

"You don't say," Zay deadpanned, rubbing at his ear. He swore the thing was actually ringing from the speed of which that book had bypassed him. Forget, science. Smackle needed to join a sport's team. She had a hell of a throw and it was only his quick reflexes that had saved him from a face full of book.

"You have insulted me," she said then.

Zay, putting aside his feelings actually focussed and saw the truth of her words. Smackle was hurt. He didn't recall ever seeing her sit so stiffly before, her voice so abrupt, and, despite her words, void of any real emotion. She had closed herself off from him, and suddenly he regretted not having explained what he had done before giving it to her. It was a mistake he would never make again, he vowed. It physically pained him to see her like this and if he could, he would kick his own butt in retribution for his thoughtlessness.

A sheepish expression crossed his face before, taking the bull by the horn, he moved from his chair until he could sit on the end of the coffee table that was between them (glad that no adult was around) so that he could be closer to her while still giving her space because right about now, he knew that she would not want him very close to her. Carefully, he offered the book to her, watching as she stared down at it blankly for a moment before looking back up to him. He bit back a curse when a clear flash of pain alighted in her eyes. He had screwed up big time, and the next few minutes would definitely determine whether Smackle would ever speak to him again, far less trust him.

He could not screw this up.

"Take it please," he asked.

"I do not want it," she responded.

"Isadora," he said, startling her. She gave him an assessing. "Please sugar," he continued gently, "have I ever done something mean to you before?"

"You would not accept my hug the first day of school," she reminded him matter-of-factly.

"Well first thing sugar," he responded, the corner of his mouth twitching, "people don't always want hugs. Secondly, you freeze up whenever someone accepts those hugs and stand there stiff like a board until they let you go. It doesn't make sense why you do ir."

"Hugging releases endorphins; I read that."

"I don't deny that that's true," he answered, "but maybe you should just stick to the things you know won't make you uncomfortable."

"I know I am different," she responded softly, and finally reached out and took the thick book from him, settling it on her lap, "and I know that there are things about myself that require changing. But why would you give me this? There must be a thousand pages in here. Do you really think that all these things are wrong with me?"

There was actual pain in her voice now, but Zay forcibly consoled himself with the fact that that emotion would (hopefully) soon be rid from her. "Open it," he instructed.

Smackle looked at him again, her dark eyes, nearly black, searching him for one long moment before, with great reluctance she opened the book to a random page. "You have written in it," she noted.

"Lemme see," he said and getting up, balanced himself carefully on the arm of the chair next to her. "Oh this was a good page," he noted. "What's that that I scratched out there?"

"A lady should not raise her voice," Smackle read. "But you've crossed it out. What's this in the margin? Smackle should always speak what is on her mind. You changed it," she finished, giving him a surprised look.

"Your voice is my favourite thing about you," Zay responded, looking down at her since his spot gave him a minute advantage in height. "I would never not want to hear it. It's my favourite sound."

Smackle's jaw dropped slightly and she looked from him to the book and back again. "My voice?" she repeated tentatively. "But...I have often been told that I speak too much… That I blurt things out and-"

"My favourite thing about you," he repeated fondly, interrupting her. "You know what I love?" he asked rhetorically. "I love when you answer things in class. You say all these amazing things that I don't understand half the time so I just sit there and listen. Your voice is beautiful to me, and I'd never not want to hear it. That's why I got this book and crossed out all the things I know you want to change about yourself and put a reason why I think you shouldn't. Because I don't see these things as flaws Isadora; they're all the things that make you you and why would I ever want you to be someone other than yourself? You're perfect just the way you are."

Smackle did not respond to him, but Zay was okay with that. It was the subtle signs that he needed to look for to understand what she was thinking, and they were all there. Her eyes were fixed now on the book, but one hand was gently stroking the page before she ran the tip of a finger along one of the other entries he had crossed out before smiling faintly when she read what he had put instead.

"I am feeling something because of you again," she said suddenly, shooting him a startled look.

"There was a first time?" he asked, mildly surprised.

"Why am I having feelings because of you?" she demanded, ignoring his questions.

"Because I did something nice, hopefully," he tried to joke, although honestly, he could redirect that question right back to her, because right now he had the strong urge to just reach out and gently brush some of her straight hair back away from her shoulder so that he could better see her face. It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling, but hell the urge was much stronger now than it had ever been for Vanessa.

"You are always nice to me," she answered, and dropping her head to look at him. "But most recently…why am I feeling feelings?" Her tone turned contemplative, and Zay knew that he was no longer being spoken to. Smackle was now on analysis mode and…he let her, a bit perturbed by her confusion as well because, he had an inkling of the conclusion she was trying to reach, and that had him shooting a furtive, almost guilty look to where Farkle was, only to see him still engrossed in conversation with Riley, although, if the position of his hand was anything to go by, they were doing okay.

"I feel things with you," she said softly then, and he turned back to her, swallowing when he saw her large, brown eyes. "Different things…new things. I believe I like these feelings."

"And I feel something for you," he returned honestly, simply. "It's why I'm glad that you're not mad at me anymore."

"I am not," she confirmed, and, as if latching on to the train of thought, she snapped the book close and hugged it to her chest. "This was a lot of work for you," she noted. "You had to read this entire thing. I know that you despise reading."

"It's not so bad when I have the right motivation," he said dismissively, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I didn't mind doing this."

"You willingly did something for me that you do not usually enjoy," she answered.

"Because it was for you," he said, simply. "I did it for you. Sugar, I don't think there is much I wouldn't do for you."

"And there is not much I would not do for you either I believe," she answered. "Thank you for this gift, Isaiah."

"Thank you for giving me a chance to explain."

She smiled at him before standing. He chuckled, rightly expecting what she wanted as she set the book aside. He willingly accepted her embrace and hid a smile in her hair as he noted that she was actually relaxed. It was a far cry from the almost mannequin-like stiffness that had overtaken her a few months ago when he had first taken an offered hug from her.

"Merry Christmas Isadora," he said as he pulled back, enjoying the smile she gave to him.

"Merry Christmas, Isaiah."

* 

In the privacy of her bedroom that night, Maya sat down on her bed, and slowly, almost reverently, pulled the box containing Smackle's gift to her, staring down at it once she had the cover off. How was it that such an arbitrary gift, even now, had tears stinging her eyes, and had her looking away before a sob broke free? She couldn't believe it – didn't want to believe it – but Smackle, the smartest person in the world as far as she was concerned, had given her the right to work on something else, believed that she had fixed herself and her life in such a way that she was no longer broken, which meant that she could focus on something else beside herself. Was that true? Was that really the case?

She didn't know how long she sat there, debating the pros and cons, seeing the strides she had indeed made, while also being painfully aware of the remnants that had not yet been fixed, and the new problems that were creeping up, problems she must have done quite the brilliant job of hiding if someone like Smackle remained unaware of it. She sniffled and reached out to take and hug the clock. She hadn't been able to choke out more than three heartfelt sentences to Smackle, but she knew that it had been more than enough and had felt more than a little comforted when Smackle had first hugged her before surrendering her over to Riley who could better give her the gentle comfort she needed. It hadn't stopped her from lacing her fingers with Smackle's and tugging her down onto the couch with them, and Smackle, though initially startled, had immediately recovered and seemed quite content to cuddle closer, leaving her wonderfully squished in the middle of them.

But now, alone, Maya had to acknowledge that she couldn't just focus on fixing the clock alone as Smackle had suggested, because there were still things that were broken. Things that had to be set right before she could truly say that everything was okay. Things that she was ignoring that needed to be addressed. Things like Shane. She took a deep breath at that thought, and acknowledged that her relationship with him was the biggest broken thing – or rather thing that would be broken if she left things as they were. She couldn't move forward thinking that everything was okay when she had a boyfriend she wasn't sure how to talk to right now…a boyfriend she was lying to.

Because, at the end of the day, that was what she was doing. She'd slapped a band-aid onto a gaping wound, but it was a flawed, temporary solution at best and she'd been twice warned about it at this point. What if she did something like that with the clock? What if, in a desperate attempt to just get it to work she forced a bolt into a spot it didn't need to be in. Maybe it wouldn't matter at first; maybe the clock would work regardless, but would it work fine indefinitely, or, would it, slowly but surely, degenerate until it fell apart? Probably worse than it would have if she'd fixed it the proper way?

She knew that was the case, and she knew that if she didn't want to render Smackle's words a lie she would have to deal with it, clear the slate so to speak, so that she could march on into the new year complete. She had to let Shane know what she had done, her arrangement with Lucas, and she had to make him understand that she couldn't choose, that she needed them both but that he had nothing to fear. She had to try to make him understand, and after that, the chips would have to fall where they may whether he agreed with her or not.

But, she really could not keep on with this, although so far it had been working swell. Liam's voice kept reverberating, reminding her that the deceit would not last forever and it was better to just get it over with, under her terms, where she could hopefully manage any fall-out that may occur.

It was the right decision to make, and, with that firm goal in her mind, she took up her cell phone and set the clock aside in favour of her giant teddy and dialled.

Her heart started to pound as she waited for him to answer, and, she had almost given up when it reached the sixth ring, but, just as she made to dismiss the call there was a small click and she heard his breathless voice. "Maya, hey, I'm here."

"Were you running?" she asked hoping her tone sounded normal despite the course of anticipation racing through her veins.

"To answer before you hung up, yeah," he answered. "You don't really call me that often; I knew it was important."

She winced at that, guiltily acknowledging that that was the case. But, in her defence she argued weakly, she'd never really had to initiate conversations. Shane was like clockwork with his calls and so she'd just fallen into the habit of letting him initiate contact. Now, she couldn't help but wonder if it was an issue for him that he'd just never brought up before.

"I'm sorry," she offered.

"That's okay," he said easily. "I don't mind. I was actually going to call you later on tonight. I wanted to talk to you."

"I wanted to talk to you too," she admitted. "I…I have something to tell you. I-"

"Don't apologise," he said, cutting her off. "I know that's what you're going to do and just…don't."

Maya paused, confused for a moment. "I wasn't going to-"

She couldn't continue though, because he interrupted again. "Maya, I'm the one who should be sorry, okay? I was wrong, majorly wrong, and I'm sorry that Dylan had to show me how much of an idiot I was being."

"I don't understand," she admitted, giving up on trying to clear up his assumption for now because he seemed bent on speaking now.

"I left you with Liam to see about Kira," he said. "I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have even let her come."

"I told you she doesn't like me," Maya said quietly.

"And I should have listened long before you decided to unleash Liam on me as a lesson."

"I didn't do it out of spite," she corrected, not wanting to seem petty. "I didn't know that they didn't get along. I-I just didn't want to be left the odd one out. Maybe I should have brought Riley."

"That might have been better," he agreed, "but I should have listened to you from the start. You're my girlfriend. You said you weren't comfortable with her and I didn't listen."

"She's your friend," Maya answered, a statement that really said it all because she understood the loyalty of friendship. She really did; it was just that his loyalty to Kira had put her into a difficult position. "I understand that you wanted to help her out, but I wished you would have just cancelled our date. Maybe I should have told you not to bother."

"Maya, that's not right-"

"I know Shane," she said, this time being the one to interrupt him. "I should be your priority. You don't need to say it. I know. I-I'm not upset that you brought her per se, okay? I…will you just listen to me next time? When I tell you something? I know you want me to know your friends, but…maybe let's slow it down. I'm okay with Micah and Jessie; can't that be good enough?"

"I don't want you to just be friends with my guy friends Maya," he responded slowly. "I want you to be friends with all of them."

"Well I can't force them to be friends with me," she said simply, "and, if this is honesty hour, I'm tired of trying and being insulted by them."

"They've never insulted you," he returned sharply. "I've never seen it."

"You're a guy, you don't know our ways," she responded, rolling her eyes. "Girls don't actually need to say something to be insulting to someone else, especially a next girl who'd definitely know what was up."

"I did not know that," he admitted. "I-they really don't like you?" he said weakly, and Maya felt some of her latent irritation with him over the issue fading at the honest shock in his voice. He truly hadn't realised, or at least had felt that she had been exaggerating her concerns.

"I…I don't know how much of it is them not actually liking me," she told him after a moment's thought. "I thought that was it but…" she paused, trying to find a tactful way to phrase the rest of her statement. "Is…could what Liam said about Kira be right?"

Silence.

Shane didn't respond for nearly a minute, and honestly, that was all the confirmation Maya actually needed. "Shane?" she said eventually, gently.

"She hasn't spoken to me since," he revealed. "She kept ranting about Liam and I tried to laugh it off, telling her that it was just Liam being and ass and I knew she didn't like me…"

"And then?" she asked, when his voice drifted off.

"She just ran into her apartment and slammed the door," he finished quietly. "I've tried calling her but she hasn't spoken to me since. I…I don't know what to do. I've been calling and texting but she's just avoiding me."

"She doesn't know what to tell you," Maya said, and, despite her annoyance with how Kira and Stacy had treated her over the past few weeks, she felt some sympathy for her.

It made sense in context. She was the girl who'd gotten Shane, someone who Kira had probably liked for a long while if the way she was acting was anything to go by. Of course Stacy would take her side on the matter and help her scheme the best way to get her out of the picture. She didn't at all like that she had been the one at the butt of their actions, but, in a way, she could sympathise. Hadn't she done something similar to Missy back in seventh grade? And, if she were perfectly honest, had it been any other girl beside herself in the triangle for Lucas, she would have solved that problem real quick for Riley's benefit.

"She's afraid your friendship is over," she told him and dropped back so that she was laying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "This isn't how she wanted it to get out. She probably had a plan, had a plan for a while and I just threw it all to hell. Now she's worried that you're going to choose me over her and she doesn't have you at all. Not as a friend, not as a boyfriend, not as anything. Talking to you means one of those things happening, so as long as she doesn't respond, she can put it off."

"That doesn't make sense."

"To you it doesn't," she responded dryly.

"Maya…what am I supposed to do?"

"Go to her," she said after a moment's thought. "She won't turn you away if you actually show up, so go."

"What am I supposed to do then?"

"I don't know," she said, a bit exasperated. "She's your friend – your best friend right? You know her more than I probably ever will so you know what you need to say. She's not going to come to you, so go to her."

"Do you really think that'd work?"

"It should," she confirmed. "I know it would work for me if I got reassured that everything would be okay; that nothing would change for the worst. That I'd still be in the picture even if it's not how I would like and my feelings wouldn't be held against me in any way."

"You know so much about this," Shane answered, his tone slightly awed. "Is this woman's intuition or something?"

"Your mom throws that around a lot, huh?" Maya joked rather than actually responding to his question.

"She does," he confirmed with a small chuckle. "But really Maya, I'm so glad you're my girlfriend. Do you have any idea how great you actually are? You're helping me fix things with Kira."

"She's important to you," she responded simply, "and no matter what I feel, I want things right with the two of you if that's what going to make you happy. Besides, friends are important and I wouldn't want to be the one responsible for anything. So go, work things out with her. I'll be okay."

"You're sure?" he asked, and though she knew he was waiting for a response from her, she could tell that his mind was already shifting focus as she heard him rifling around, probably for his wallet or a jacket.

"Positive, so go."

"Okay."

Maya dropped the phone down, feeling pleased with herself for helping Shane through this little dilemma of his. It took her a few minutes to actually remember that that wasn't exactly what she had called him for, and when she did, Maya groaned and smacked her hand against her forehead, dumbfounded that she had allowed herself to get so distracted that she hadn't gotten to talk to him about her and Lucas. There was no way she could bring it up now, at least not for today, and honestly, she no longer felt that driving urge to tell him, and she knew herself enough to know that that desire would continue to ebb away.

"I'll just wait for the right time," she said aloud, rolling onto her side and pulling her teddy bear to her to cuddle.

Later on that night, Shane would send her a series of texts long after she had tossed her phone aside for the night, pouring all her efforts on completing the things she needed to submit to Mr. Jackson. Reading them the next morning she would note that while he said that things were now alright, he hadn't gone into too much details about what exactly had occurred. That, she was ready to let go, knowing that if she were in Kira's position, she wouldn't want him spreading the details around. The second text though had her staring aimlessly out her window for a long while. It was a request for her to have her phone on her at midnight come New Years. He had offered no further explanation on that either, but thanks to Liam, she knew exactly what was to come. And because of that knowledge, she had an uncomfortable feeling squirming around in her guts, as she wondered exactly how she would respond.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There was no good cut off point so yay for 10,000 words?

The good thing about Riley, Maya thought, was that the brunette was perfectly content with having a one-sided conversation at times. It wasn't that she wasn't interested in what she was saying, but truthfully, she was more than a little tired after staying up most of the night finishing a painting and so was happy to just languish drowsily on the bed while Riley amused herself with whatever magazine had now caught her attention.

"I think you'd look really good in this, Peaches," Riley said, and Maya, with a mix between a sigh and a groan, rolled over so that she was facing her, flailing her limbs helplessly until, with an eye-roll, Riley bent and held the page she was pointing at at an easy distance so that she could see the picture without lifting her head.

"The dress?" Maya asked, even as she tilted her head for a better look.

It was a cute casual yellow and black sleeveless dress, and honestly, she could see herself in something like that come the spring, except... "I thought I'm not allowed dresses?" she asked, more curious than anything else.

She wasn't being accusatory in the least, but some of the first items Riley had tossed on the to-be-sold pile were her dresses and looser, flowy, ankle-length skirts that she had insisted did not represent her true fashion sense. Occasionally Maya regretted not pushing back harder against that. Yes, she had insisted that the clothes had not been the most important thing and that what they represented were, but truthfully, some of the things she had allowed Riley to toss had been really cute. At the time, it just hadn't seemed like something that was worth arguing with her over, and, of course, back then she had believed that Riley was never wrong when it came to her.

She didn't have that blind faith in her anymore, and if she were completely honest, there had been some cracks in that belief even back then which is why she had snuck some of her more favoured pieces back out the pile, and of course, there were the ones that had been stored under her bed that Riley had no idea about. She rarely wore the clothing even when she was one hundred percent certain that Riley would not be around to see her in it, but now, she couldn't help but wonder if Riley was relenting on her clothing policy.

Riley didn't respond to her immediately, and the silence lingered enough for Maya to reach up and bat the magazine away so she could see Riley's face, a brow lifting when she realised that her friend was staring off contemplatively into the distance. She knew that look well. That was Riley's thinking face, and not just any thinking face, it was the one where she was concerned that she had done something inappropriate. Briefly Maya considered letting her be; it would give her at least ten more minutes of dozing time, but such an expression on Riley's face usually went one of two ways and since she probably was the recipient of the teenager's contemplation, she was better off ensuring that those thoughts of hers wondered in the right direction.

And so, with a next sigh at the necessity of it all, she reluctantly sat up, slipped the magazine out of Riley's hand and rapped her sharply over the head with it.

"Ouch," Riley protested, drawing an amused smile from Maya in response. She was adorable when she reacted like that, and perhaps, at times, Maya deliberately provoked such a response from her just to see it.

"And what are we thinking about?"

Riley sighed, before standing and offering Maya her hand, pulling her up and over to the Bay Window where they both dropped down on it.

"Big conversation then," Maya joked, and as she hoped, Riley chuckled, albeit almost morosely.

"I made you change your wardrobe," Riley said sadly. "I told you that you weren't being yourself and decided that Uncle Shawn buying you those clothes caused it. You sold them because of me and I helped you pick out new outfits that I thought better matched who you were. Do you actually like them?"

"I wouldn't have let you choose them for me if I didn't," Maya said mildly, "so don't worry about it."

"This is you sparing my feelings, Maya," Riley said pointedly and Maya couldn't help but look away guiltily at that. She was right; wasn't this exactly what she had sworn off doing? Protecting Riley from the truth to spare her worrying?

"I do like the clothes you chose, Riles," she tried again. "But do I miss the dresses and skirts sometimes? Yeah."

"You never told me," Riley said, her expression falling. "Peaches, I never meant-"

"I know what you meant, Riley," Maya reassured, when Riley broke off, unable to continue. She reached over to put a hand comfortingly over hers. "Don't worry about it. What's done is done. Can I take it that I'm allowed to wear them again?"

"You shouldn't need my permission to do anything," Riley told her gently, flipping her hand over so that their fingers could lace together. "I'm sorry I made it that you felt you needed my approval."

"Well that's what happens when you're a squatter in Rileytown," Maya said with a shrug, "you tend to let the mayor control things."

"But you don't just live in my world, Maya," Riley said with a deep breath, "there's Mayaville as well, and didn't we decide that it's not a bad place?"

"It is unless you stay too long," Maya said with a small grin, remembering the detention session that had gone so horribly awry.

"Maybe the same is true for you," Riley returned. "You weren't happy for too long that day you pretended to be me. Plus, you never even told you where you managed to find that wig."

"I've got people," Maya said pretending to brush lint off her shoulder with her free hand in a way that had both of them laughing. "You want to tell me what this is also about?" Maya asked once the moment had passed. "I know this isn't just about me."

"Vain you definitely are not," Riley joked briefly. "You're right though. Maya. I...you know how I didn't realise what I was doing with you until well...everything happened?" she said, and Maya tightened her grip on her fingers briefly in reassurance. They didn't often refer to those Dark days immediately following their Ski Lodge trip, but even when they did, Riley never referred to it explicitly.

"I do," she responded.

"Well, I think I've been doing that to someone else...and I didn't realise until our Secret Santa exchange and, well, I'm not sure how to fix it."

Now, that definitely was not something Maya had expected Riley to say.

* 

"I don't know why you wanted me to bring two cakes, Topanga," Katy said as she closed the door to the Matthews' apartment with a nudge of her foot. "It's just eighteen of us tonight, right?"

"Maybe twenty," Topanga answered, using the back of her hand to wipe away a bit of sweat, unknowingly leaving a swipe of flour in its wake. "Judy came back early," she explained. "Given how frazzled she seemed on the phone I'm not sure she'll come but Ava is and she'll probably end up staying the night."

Katy winced in sympathy at that, recalling the last time Ava had been forced to sleep over at the Matthews. She and Topanga had had quite the task in sobering up her mother, quite a feat in itself seeing that Katy prided herself on having the best remedies to hang overs in her arsenal and yet none of those had seemed to have much of an effect. She couldn't judge the woman too harshly - she was no saint in the aftermath of Kermit's departure - but it had been nearly two months and the woman barely showed signs of improvement if Topanga was to be believed.

"What else do we need?" she asked, trying not to dwell on the matter for now.

"Um, I think we're good actually," Topanga said, putting the finishing touches on the pie crust she had been working on. "Everyone's chipping in with the food, and Cory and Shawn are on a beer run even though Lucas and Zay's fathers took charge of the drinks."

"There can never be enough beer," Katy said, affecting a gruff tone that had Topanga chuckling.

"Don't worry, I've got a few bottles of wine ready for us, just in case their cocktails don't live up to the hype."

"I wouldn't doubt them, you know," Katy said with a sly grin. "Southern folks have quite a way with liquor."

"I'll take your word for it then," she agreed. "The girls aren't here," she added as she turned to put the pie into the oven.

"Oh?" she said, surprised, as she sat down on a stool, folding her arms on the table. "What happened to the movie marathon?"

"Who knows?" she responded with a shrug, claiming a seat for herself. "I think I heard Smackle's named mentioned but they didn't stick around long enough for me to really ask. Auggie's napping so that leaves us with some time for ourselves."

"And I take it there's something you want to talk about given that glint in your eye?" Katy guessed. "Something that's not supposed to reach their ears?"

"Don't try to turn this on me, Katy Grace," Topanga said impishly. "What did Shawn do? Cory won't tell me but I know it's something because he has that stupid grin on his face whenever he remembers it and I'll go crazy if I don't find out what he did!"

"And you wonder where Riley picked up the whining from," Katy joked before pulling back with a squeal when Topanga made to pinch her. "Okay, I'll tell you," she said, chuckling. "But Shawn hasn't done anything, not directly anyway, and no I'm not being cryptic," she said with a laugh, batting at Topanga's hand when she meant to pinch her again. "You remember how the magazine editor kept dangling his last assignment for this contract over his head all this time?"

"The last big one?"

"Yeah that," she agreed. "Well it's a bit of a larger assignment than we expected."

"How is this a good thing?" Topanga asked, brows crinkling. "Oh, because the trip is outside of the dates we've been considering for the wedding?"

"Actually we have to shift the dates a bit," Katy answered, lowering her gaze slightly, so that Topanga could not read anything from her eyes.

"What?" she gasped, before her expression grew murderous. "Katy, we already decided that an early summer wedding will be perfect! Give me five minutes with the bastard and I'll have everything straightened out," she growled. "How dare he-"

"Woah there," Katy bid, lifting a stilling hand when Topanga made to grab her cell-phone. "Before you go into shark mode let me tell you the details of this. Cory was happy wasn't he?"

"Anything makes him happy," Topanga said dismissively. "He'd be over the moon if Shawn goes to one of those stupid little towns with the World's Largest Whatever and brings him back a picture of it. "

Katy snickered at that before reassuring her. "It's good, Topanga, really good."

"I'll be the judge of that," Topanga declared, leaning back against the back of her chair. "Out with it then," she said impatiently. "How is this supposedly a good thing?"

"Shawn's final assignment is the biggest he's ever done," she explained, "It's like out of this country big. His assignment is to write about the best places to visit while honeymooning in Fiji."

Katy bit back a smile as she watched Topanga's expression flit from annoyance, to shock, then finally, glee. "You're honeymooning in Fiji?" she shrieked with joy, the sound so infectious that the smile Katy had been trying to hide broke free as well.

"Now you see why we have to adjust the dates right? The assignment is set for early spring."

"Forget that summer wedding nonsense," Topanga said dismissively. "Early spring's a great time! We'll have to change the theme a bit and definitely finalise that guest list, but we can do it! Oh and-"

Katy sat back, watching with fondness as Topanga started to rattle of a list of things that needed doing, pleasantly bemused that once again she had a person in her life who could be so ecstatically happy on her behalf. Sometimes it amazed her how much her life had changed in the past three years, and briefly she felt a pang of regret for not having taken up Topanga's overtures of friendship over the past few years sooner. Maybe then things would have been a lot easier to bear. But, she comforted herself now, at least she had the woman now, and that was the most important thing.

Everything in her life was finally falling into place.

Now she only had to find a way to deal with Kermit.

* 

Riley's fingers played nervously with the bow of the small box she held in her lap as she waited. She usually felt so sure about things when she came up with ideas like the one she had had earlier on in the day, but right now, as she waited for Smackle to come to her bedroom, she wondered if she was doing the right thing. Sometimes it was better to let things be, a lesson she was slowly but surely learning, but the Secret Santa exchange had opened her eyes to something, and now that she was aware of it, Riley knew that she had to address it.

"Maya said you wanted to talk to me?"

Riley jumped slightly, not realising that she had drifted so far into her thoughts that she had not noticed Smackle's arrival in the bedroom. She gave her a small smile and gestured for her to come fully into the room. "I would call Bay Window," Riley told her with a slightly nervous smile, "but I know you wouldn't want to sit too close to me."

"The bed is fine," she agreed, sitting on the end of it. "So this is a Bay Window call," Smackle said, her tone slightly curious. Riley watched as Smackle's eyes traced the expanse of the window, assessing it. "I believe this is the first time you have summoned me here alone."

"It's the first time I've wanted to speak to you alone," Riley replied. "This is a very special place for me, Smackle," she explained, setting aside the box she had been holding for now, "a sacred space. It's where Maya and I figure out all our problems. It's the place where I do my best thinking."

"Does that thinking cause you considerable pain?"

It took Riley a moment to realise what the joke that Smackle was trying to deliver was, but when she did she guffawed, something she noted that brought a look of pride to Smackle's face. She was spending too much time with Zay, Riley thought. It seemed as if she was adopting his sense of humour, if only in a distinctly Smackle way. "I wanted to talk to you about something," she said.

"Obviously or else we would not be here when there is a party outside."

"I wanted to talk to you about us," Riley told her, "about our friendship." To her surprise, Smackle stiffened slightly and her expression grew decidedly guarded. "I don't mean it in a bad way," she hurried to say, hoping to put her more at ease. "It's just - the gift Zay gave you got me thinking."

"About?" she inquired, and Riley clasped her hands together so she would not behind to wring her fingers together as she was tempted to do. She hadn't anticipated Smackle being so guarded right off the bat, and she was painfully aware now that perhaps this would not go as smoothly as she had hoped it would.

"Zay re-wrote an etiquette book for you. He told you that it was okay to be the person that you are."

"It is a great gift," Smackle acknowledged, her expression softening. "I have read it in its entirety many times over the past few days."

"Yes well I've been thinking about that book-"

"You may not have it," Smackle interrupted sharply, fixing her with a surprisingly firm look. "It is Zay's present to me and I will not share."

"I don't want your book Smackle," Riley reassured her, raising a placating hand. "I just meant that what Zay's gift meant to represent got me thinking about the way you and I interact...or rather the way I treat you. I am that etiquette book. I am the person who keeps telling you who should and shouldn't be. I thought that I was helping you Smackle, helping you be normal, but that's not really what you need, is it?"

"I am not certain what you mean right now Riley?"

Riley sighed. "Smackle you're different," she said, trying to explain herself again. "You have always been, and I think I've always had the mindset that you being different wasn't a good thing. The first time we really talked to each other, you asked me and Maya to help you. You wanted to be a normal teenager."

"That was to win the debate," Smackle reminded her.

"I know," she agreed, "except that after the debate you went back to being you and I...I never stopped trying to make you normal. I yelled at you when we were choosing names for Secret Santa and I rolled my eyes when you said that that was who you were. I never stopped trying to change you even though I really didn't realise that until I saw what Zay had done for you and now I can't help but wonder if that's the reason why you don't really like me as much as everyone else."

"I do not like you?" Smackle replied, confused. "I have never said that."

"Well you definitely like Maya a lot more than me," Riley pointed out gently. "I've watched the two of you sometimes, and I always wondered...you're different with her. You let Maya touch you and she always makes you smile. I knew better than to ask you to sit next to me here," she said gesturing to the Bay Window. "I knew you would not be comfortable with that," she finished with a rueful smile.

"I am not comfortable with people," Smackle explained gruffly, her eyes drifting almost aimlessly around the room as she spoke. "You are aware of this."

"You're not comfortable with most people," Riley corrected her. "But you are with Farkle, and Zay and even Maya. There's something they've done that is different. There is something about them that makes you like them in a way that you do not like me, and I think how I have been treating you is the reason why. It's something that makes me really sad Smackle because I want to be your friend just like they are, but I'm not, not right now. And I'm probably not going to be if I keep trying to make you into my definition of normal."

"You want to be my friend?" Smackle asked, her tone surprised. "Truly? You want us to be friends?"

"We are friends," Riley said. "What I want is for us to be even better friends. Surely that can't be that surprising?" she added, when Smackle only stared at her.

"I suppose it should not be," the other teenager responded slowly, after a moment, her voice slightly distant in a way that told Riley that her mind was drifting, perhaps to the past? "Riley?" she said, her eyes suddenly snapping to hers, "why do you want to be my friend? Is there a reason?"

"Do I need a reason?" Riley asked, a bit confused by the question. "Smackle, you're a great person, and I'm sorry it's taken Zay to show me that."

"You like me because of me?" she asked, scrounging her brows together. "Because I am Smackle? That is no other reason?

"No other reason," Riley confirmed. "That's why I said that Zay's gift got me thinking. You're a great person just as you are and I have to stop trying to fix you. You don't need fixing because you're just as you should be."

"I know I have flaws," Smackle told her softly. "I cannot help what I do sometimes."

"I know that," Riley answered, "but I shouldn't have reacted in the way I have before. When the boys were upset with Farkle for always spoiling the plot to movies I defended him, told him that he was fine as he was. It's stupid of me to be mad at you for doing what's essentially the same thing."

"Farkle can control that though," she said. "I cannot."

"But it's not my job to try to make you find that control," Riley said softly. "I'm going to stop doing that now. I promise Smackle. No more me trying to make you like hugs, telling you to stop saying things or doing things. Because you're not normal Smackle, you're special, special in such a great way and I shouldn't be trying to make you lose that. You're great just as you are. I hope that way we can be better friends. At least, if you want that. If you want things as they are, I'll understand."

"I think I would like that," Smackle answered. "I did not think that you would have any uncertainties about us. I thought it was only me."

"What?" Riley said, surprised. "Are you saying you thought I didn't want us to be friends?"

"I thought you only included me because of Farkle," Smackle admitted.

Riley couldn't help it. She threw her head back and let out a bit of an incredulous laugh.

"I do not understand the joke," Smackle deadpanned.

"There is no joke," Riley explained, shaking her head ruefully. "It's just that...Maya and I were speaking about this earlier," she explained. "And...it's funny you know. I was telling Maya that I was worried that you were only tolerating me because of Farkle. It's funny that we were both basically worrying about the same thing. I thought you only liked me because I was Farkle's friend."

"It is impossible to not like you, Riley."

"You sound like you tried."

"For a bit," Smackle said. "I saw you as a rival."

"I don't understand how we could be rivals," Riley replied. "You're miles ahead of me in all the ways that matter."

"Not in all the ways," she answered vaguely. "That used to bother me tremendously. Not as much anymore now, though. I believe I have the answer as to why."

"I'm not quite sure what you're saying," Riley said carefully, "but that's kind of normal. Anyway," she continued, reaching out to take up the box she had set aside, "I decided to break my own rules. I got Maya to help me get you a present. Will you accept it?" she asked, holding the box out to her.

She waited patiently as Smackle stared at the box for a long moment before gingerly moving to accept it from her and took the lid off. After a moment, she lifted out a thin, black choker. "I do not have any necklace of this type," she noted. "It will be a novel experience. Thank you."

"Look at the pendant," Riley bid, and, bringing it closer to her face, Smackle did just that.

"Oh," she said, a bit surprised. She'd realised what the jewel in the centre was, Riley noted happily. "This is a proton."

"Science meets fashion," Riley said proudly. "Do you like it?"

"I do," she confirmed, fingering it carefully. "I wish to wear it now," she declared, setting the box aside before swiftly unclasping the cord necklace she was already wearing. "I require your assistance. My nails are clipped short. You will have to put it on for me."

"You want me to help you?" Riley asked tentatively, wanting to be certain. She could do it, easily, but would Smackle really be okay with her encroaching on her personal space?

Smackle nodded and stood, turning away from her even as she held the necklace out. "I want to wear this now," she reiterated. "It is a symbol of our newfound friendship."

Later on, Riley would feel some chagrin at how tentative she was when she took the necklace from Smackle's hand, how careful she was to not touch her as she gently put her hands over her shoulders to loop the necklace around her neck to clasp it. She actually didn't breathe when her hands touched Smackle's shoulders as she withdrew, waiting for Smackle to flinch or show some other sort of reaction to her touch. But she didn't. Indeed, she turned around almost instantly, a contented look on her face as she reached up to play with the pendant.

"I feel something," Smackle said, a sparkle in her eyes that Riley had never saw directed her way there in the depths of her dark orbs.

"A good something?" Riley asked, swallowing around a dry throat. "Should I get Farkle?"

"I do not require Farkle," she responded. "This is a good something. Different from what Zay made me feel, but still…good."

"Then I'm glad," Riley said simply, while internally she cheered, glad that despite the faltering beginning that this conversation had ended on such a positive note.

If it were any other person, Riley would have given into the urge to squeal and hug her tightly, but knowing what she did now, she settled instead for doing something she had seen Maya do countless times before. She took a step back, and held out her hand to her. To her delight, Smackle only hesitated briefly before she settled her hand into hers with a barely there pressure and, a minute later, they were leaving the room still holding hands. This had gone even better than she could have anticipated, but Riley was more than glad, because now she was certain that things between her and Smackle could only look up from here.

* 

Trusting that Riley could handle the situation on her own, once she had pulled the door closed behind Smackle, Maya decided against eavesdropping on the conversation, and stepped away from the door, ready to return to the main party. Except, as she passed Auggie's bedroom door – one she had been pretty certain had been closed earlier – she spotted a solitary figure colouring on the bed. Instantly concerned, Maya entered the room, her fears confirmed when Ava glanced up at her, her expression sombre before she re-focussed on the rocket she was colouring. It didn't take Maya much to figure out what was going on with the little girl; indeed she cursed herself for not paying much attention to her earlier. After all, Ava was a bright, boisterous presence – you couldn't ignore the fact that she was in a room – and yet she had been almost subdued earlier when she had been playing with Auggie. And now the fact that she had secreted herself away like this?

Maya sighed, and toeing off her shoes, sat down on Auggie's bed, waiting patiently for the elementary school student to speak. She didn't but at least slowly set her colour pencil aside, leaving Maya confident enough to wrap her arm around the girl's waist and tug at her until she was beside her.

The child, after a moment, finally spoke, albeit softly. "Auggie's being annoying."

Maya made a noncommittal sound at that. She couldn't remember Auggie being anything but his usual self, but she knew how one' mood changed the tone of people's actions. "Is Auggie really being annoying or is it that you're not in the mood for his brand of cheer?" Maya asked, knowingly.

Ava stiffened beside her, looking up at her with wide eyes. "How'd you know?" she asked.

"Been there, done that numerous times, kid," she joked darkly before her expression grew sombre to match the child's. "I'm sorry that I forgot that this was your first Christmas since your parents decided to get divorced. How bad was it?"

"Bad," she answered, fiddling with her fingers, "really bad."

"What made it bad?" Maya asked gently, and waited patiently for Ava to respond.

"Grandma kept saying that it was mommy's fault, that she shouldn't have married him in the first place and that he was never good enough for her. Mommy would yell at her and leave, but then after I'd hear her crying in her room."

"I'm sorry you had to hear that."

"Grandpa took me out every afternoon but I guess mommy got tired of the arguing because she brought us back here early and said we're never going back to grandma and grandpa's. But at least I got loads of presents," Ava finished, and, while Maya could see the effort she was making to generate an excited tone, it fell flat.

"Did you get what you really wanted?" Maya inquired, and as she half-expected, Ava all but curled into herself at that question, her shoulders shaking.

The sight caused Maya's chest to tighten. She couldn't help but see herself in Ava in this moment, but thankfully, unlike her, there was no need for the girl to try to comfort herself. She pulled her bodily onto her lap, Ava not resisting at all and enveloped her in a tight hug while she cried, rocking her back and forth to offer some level of comfort.

She made out one line between the girl's sobs – "I want my daddy" – and suddenly she too was on the verge of tears, holding the girl all that much tighter to her and burying her face in her hair, seeking some comfort for herself because she definitely needed it.

She didn't know how long Ava cried, but eventually Maya took a deep, calming breath when the girl quieted and discretely wiped at her eyes just as Ava pulled back to look at her with reddened eyes. Maya freed a hand long enough to snag one of Auggie's tissues from his bedside before offering it to her.

"Auggie thinks I'm mad at him," Ava said, wiping her face roughly.

Maya didn't comment on the clear change in topic. If she wanted to deflect scrutiny from herself then that was fine. Whatever it took for her to feel better.

"He'll understand," Maya reassured her. "Auggie's a smart boy; he knows you're not really mad at him."

"I tossed a crayon at his head," she admitted, her tone mildly guilty.

"I've done a whole lot worse to Riley," Maya replied, "and we're fine."

"You said to stay with Auggie," Ava reminded her, "that I'll always have him. I shouldn't be mean to him."

"He'll be here for you whether you're mean to him or not," Maya responded. "Everything's not going to be sunshine and rainbows but just remember that Auggie means well, Ava. He has a big heart just like Riley, and trust me when I say he knows that something is wrong, but the problem is that he doesn't know what you need right now so he's just doing what he thinks will help. Those things don't really help though and that's what you find it annoying."

"I don't want to paint pictures of Santa," she groused.

"I know, but that's the best idea Auggie's got," she answered, looking to the page Ava had been colouring in nothing but shades of black, brown and grey. "Colouring makes him feel better so he hoped it'd do the same for you. He means well though."

"I know that," Ava said. "I'm just...not in the mood."

"Tell him that," Maya instructed. "All he wants to do is help you, but you need to tell him what it is you need. Maybe it isn't colouring. Maybe it's smashing legos or just lying down staring at the ceiling. He'd do it, whatever it is if it'll make you feel better."

"Because he loves me?"

"Because he loves you," Maya confirmed. "What I told you the last time holds true Ava. Keep Auggie close to you as you are doing now. Even though at times you will want to wring his neck, he's important, so important. I don't know the type of person I would be if it wasn't for Riley, and thinking about it terrifies me at times. I'm a better person now because of her, I wouldn't be where I am now because of her, and Auggie's that person for you. I know he is."

"Does Riley stop you from being sad?"

"Riley stopped me from always being sad," she answered, amending her statement slightly. "And those not-sad parts are what kept me going every day."

"I don't want you to be sad Ava." Both of them looked up, a bit surprised to find Auggie standing in the doorway, his expression concerned as he looked at the girl. "Did I make you sad? I'm sorry."

"You didn't," Ava answered and Maya slackened her grip on her so that she could wriggle free from her to stand. "I'm sorry I hit you with the crayon," she offered. "I didn't mean to."

"It's okay," he answered with a shrug of his shoulders. "I like purple anyway."

Maya bit at her lip to stifle a laugh at that. Riley and Auggie were really similar in some ways.

"I'm colouring something else now," Auggie said, his tone tentatively hopeful. "Mommy printed out the Grinch. You like him right? We can do that instead?"

Maya watched as Ava swing back and forth for a moment, and wondered if she should say something. Ava's outburst towards him had nothing to do with the picture he had wanted them to work on, but he didn't seem to get that and she wondered what Ava's response would be.

There was no need to worry though, because Ava gave him a small but genuine smile. "I'd like that," she answered, her smile broadening when Auggie let out a joyous whoop. Ava reached out and took his hand before turning to shoot Maya a backward glance. She shrugged her shoulder in a sort of "what else can I do" motion before allowing herself to be tugged out the door.

She would leave them be for now, Maya decided, as she rose from Auggie's bed and straightened the sheets. Despite the similar situation they now found themselves in, Ava wasn't her and Auggie, despite her earlier comparison, wasn't Riley. He was a lot more grounded than she remembered his older sister being around that age and, well, Ava was a lot more assertive than she was. This wasn't necessarily Ava capitulating to what Auggie wanted to do just to make him happy in his attempts to cheer her up. This was her accepting that this was all Auggie could do to help her feel better, to show her that he cared about her, and that was more than enough for her.

They'd be fine, Maya decided as she left the room. But, after listening to Ava's despair, a despair that stirred up some old feelings within herself, she could only hope that she could say the same for herself.

* 

Releasing Riley's hand once they returned to the living room, Smackle immediately made a beeline to where Zay was, seated by himself in what they had jokingly called the Adult Bay Window. He was staring out the window down at the street below, but immediately turned to look at her once she sat down beside him after carefully adjusting her skirt.

"Everything okay, sugar?" he asked, and, even as she nodded she acknowledged that the feeling that she'd started experiencing whenever she was around him had increased slightly in relation to the concern in his voice. They'd been sitting here together before when Maya had come to get her on Riley's behalf, and, just as he had promised he had stayed here waiting for her rather than integrating himself into some other group present. And that was saying something given the fact that Lucas and Farkle had switched to playing Mario Kart on the system Lucas had brought along with him, and she knew for a fact that it was one of Zay's favourite games to play.

"You were correct," she replied, fiddling with her necklace. "Riley and I are friends and not because of who I am to Farkle. We are friends because she wants to be my friend and I want to be her friend. I am not the expendable link."

She could tell that it took Zay a few seconds to remember exactly what it was she was talking about. There was one definite benefit to being around him more she was starting to realise. In Einstein, she had been surrounded by people with similar aptitudes, and in some cases, similar issues to what she had. The result of that was that she was more than a little accustomed to a certain standard of conversations or activities. Hanging out with Farkle meant more of the same, so much so that she was generally dismissive of other people - friends including - and made little effort to try to understand them, preferring to just ignore/avoid them entirely.

Zay had posed a unique challenge for her from the start, because he had been the hardest to figure out. He often said one thing but meant another and there was no pattern to it that she could have easily discerned. Getting to know him on a deeper level was a fun endeavour, and now, more than before, she was starting to reap the benefits of her actions, as well as was becoming a lot more patient. A year ago she would have already moved on to a next topic of conversation, too impatient to let him figure out whatever she was speaking off. But, with Zay, she was more than willing to just give him the time he needed to recognise exactly what it was she was speaking about.

"I didn't realise that was still bothering you," Zay admitted, shooting her a rueful look. "I thought that after Maya you were fine."

"I was," she agreed, "but it's nice to have the confirmation from Riley herself. It makes this a lot easier for me."

"Make what easier?"

"I much prefer this New Year's gathering," Smackle said, completely ignoring his question.

"Because it's only us and our folks?" Zay asked, looking towards the area of the Matthews' apartment that the adults had claimed for their own. They were a boisterous bunch, a lot louder than their children, and that was probably why Riley's parents didn't blink an eye at having six teenagers in their house on a fairly regular basis.

"Yes," Smackle acknowledged, glad that he didn't push the issue. "I also prefer it because there is none of the tension that last year had."

"Right," he responded, elongating the word, "the triangle. Dang, has it been a year already? I didn't even realise."

"This is a clear example of the relativeness of time."

"Because it doesn't seem like it was so long ago, right?" Zay asked, just to confirm. At her nod, he continued, "I can understand that. It's hard to keep everything straight sometimes; we've been through a lot. I'm just glad we're normal at the moment."

"You say that as if you expect change," she noted.

"With us, it's always one thing or the other," he answered with a shrug. "I don't mean it in a bad way because it makes life real interesting but I figure that one of these weeks something else is gonna creep up and then it'll be fireworks once again and I don't mean the good kind."

"I do not want fireworks," Smackle said, frowning. "I do not like the disruption that it brings, although I accept that change inevitably brings conflict. It is a conflict I hoped to avoid. It is why I feel relief that both Maya and Riley like me for me, not for who I am."

"Eh well I think we'd be fine either way," Zay pointed out. "Nothing ever really involves us. We'll probably just be sitting on the side-lines like always. How about we take turns bringing the popcorn?"

His tone, she recognised, was teasing, but she did not respond to it, instead dwelling on the nature of his words.

"Isaiah?" she said after a moment, and pointedly forced herself to look at him in his eyes.

"Yeah, sugar?"

"What if we are not on the side-lines?" she inquired. "What if the two of us are a part of it?

"What?" Zay sputtered, shooting her a wide-eyed look. "Why would we be involved?" he continued, his voice rising to an almost squeak.

"You are surprised," she said, assessing him, "but that is all I read from your tone. I sense no repulsion to my words."

"You don't get to say something like that then go back to reading me like one of your books," Zay said gruffly as he swallowed deeply, reaching up at the same time to loosen the tie he had complained that his mother had forced him to wear.

"And that is a nervous reaction," she noted, before chuckling when Zay glared at her.

She leaned in closer to him, storing away the throaty sound he made at that move for later analysis to stare intently at his skin. "Were your skin lighter I suppose the redness would show more," she noted contemplatively.

"This isn't fair!" Zay complained and all but scrambled back from her until his back was against the wall. "You're confusing me. What's this all about?"

"I believe you know," she said simply, sitting back, "you are quite intelligent though you pretend to be otherwise sometimes."

"Isadora," Zay said then, her name escaping him like a sigh. "I don't-"

"I want us to end this year happy," she interrupted him, "and I want us to start the new one happy as well. No shocks, no surprises, no nothing. Just fireworks - the good kind. Perhaps I should have waited to say this. My apologies Zay."

"You don't need to be sorry," he responded, and giving his head a light shake, he moved to his previous position, closing the space he had created between them. "It's just...this is kind of sudden isn't it?"

"Not for me," she answered. "I have been trying to draw the conclusions I needed for a long time. I do not pretend to understand everything - not just yet anyway, but I believe I have accomplished my goal in leaving Einstein. I have learnt that sometimes one needs not wait for one hundred percent surety to act. Sometimes it is good to take a risk - I think the right term is a leap of faith. I think I am ready to take that step, and I am glad to have the guarantee that I will not lose my friends no matter how I choose to act."

"I won't leave you," Zay said, reassuringly. "None of us will, no matter what you choose to do."

"And for that I am glad," she replied, smiling at him before reaching out to put a hand over one of his. A moment later he flipped his hand over and loosely laced their fingers together.

Seconds after she tightened her grip.

* 

Sniffling, Maya wiped away the few tears she had allowed to slip free as she stood there on the rooftop, facing the rest of the bustling city. She hadn't been able to just go back out to the living room and pretend that everything was normal, that she was okay. Helping Ava had drawn up a host of unpleasant memories for her and had dampened her good cheer. She couldn't blame the child - Ava would probably be better off than she had ever been in the long run because she was so much more open with her thoughts and feelings and had the support of so many people - but, as she sniffled again, wiping at more tears that still insisted on falling, a part of her wished that she hadn't checked in Auggie's room, had just left things be until someone else noticed the little girl's absence. But that would have been selfish of her, and honestly, she wasn't sure that there was anyone else who could have managed to speak to the girl at a level she would have been able to understand. The payoff for her was more than worth what Maya was feeling now.

She couldn't pretend that the last few days of this year weren't considerably better than what she had experienced ever since she was a child. Yeah, she had ended up at the Matthews, but that wasn't because she couldn't bear to spend a next moment in an empty apartment while her mother earned triple-overtime. It was a legit Matthew-Hart/Hunter afternoon affair that had had her wide-eyed and almost deliriously happy because she had had two parents of her own to sit and laugh with, tease and hug. She had been happy, so happy that it wasn't until the night had come to an end and, snuggled comfortably beneath a new comforter, that it had occurred to her that she hadn't checked her phone even once to see if her dad had texted her, called her or even sent her an email.

She had forcibly dismissed that thought that night, but listening to Ava's cries had stirred it right back up, and she couldn't deny that now she felt that old pang of worthlessness, of self-disgust, of being such a horrible daughter that her dad would not acknowledge her on that day, one of the few days in the year unreservedly meant for families to come together. And yeah, it still hurt.

Sniffling once more, Maya looked up at the surprisingly clear sky, seeking solace in the beauty of nature even as she wrapped her arms about herself for comfort. The city was too bright for the brilliance of the stars to be seen, especially in this spot, but she stared up at the carpet of darkness regardless, allowing the sight to relax her in a way that only nature could until finally her breathing evened out and she felt a lot better. She supposed now it made sense why so many people flocked to the great outdoors whenever they could, and why Lucas and Zay always appeared so refreshed when they returned from a trip to their home state. She envied them and wished she had an oasis she could secret herself away in away from the world and everything that it came with.

Without even realising it, she moved until she had reached the corner of the rooftop, one that afforded her a view down to the streets, where the people were minute, and dressed in their coats against the cold, some dull and muted and barely visible from this angle, others bright and colourful. She made a mental note of it, and perhaps, once she was back home, she would spend the first day of the New Year committing this to canvas. It seemed the sort of thing that she would want to remember in the weeks, months, or even years to come. She leant forward, allowing the banister to take her weight.

How long she remained lost in her thoughts she did not know, but gradually, she became aware of a presence behind her, and even without the wind wafting the smell of his cologne ahead of him, she knew who it was. She turned and smiled gently when her guess proved correct. Lucas was standing there, a few yards away, and, as she watched, he pulled an extra scarf from around his neck - her scarf - and looped it careful around hers. "Snug like a bug," he commented softly, his tone husky.

Enough time had passed that Maya did not feel the need to wipe at her face or else make an excuse for her appearance. He would undoubtedly put any redness on her face or in her eyes down to the nip in the air.

"Stop trying to butter me up," she grumbled, her tone slightly gruff, but thankfully, in keeping with the air she wanted to project, "I'm mad at you."

"Riley didn't care," Lucas protested. "Everything is fine!"

"You don't just leave the state without telling your girlfriend that you're going," she retorted, although the scolding was half-hearted.

She watched as the corner of Lucas' mouth quirked at that, the sight of it lifting her mood considerably. He gave a sort of depreciating shake of his head before saying, "I did leave something for her. Didn't she tell you what it was?"

"A letter aint cutting it cowboy," she retorted. "Besides, I don't think she's even opened it."

"Well that's a shame," he lamented. "But the fact that I got her something should take me out of the dog house regardless."

"It depends on what it is," Maya answered, narrowing her eyes at him. "I just hope you didn't follow the sentimental trend because if I have to deal with a weepy Riley tonight of all nights I'm going to dangle you off this rooftop."

"I'll like to see you try," he returned, amusement lighting up in his eyes in a way that had her glaring at him.

"I can take you down, chump," she threatened.

"I don't doubt it," he returned good naturedly, before pointedly reaching over to pat the top of her head, something that caused her to bristle and, in a fit of childishness, stomp down on his boot.

"Ouch," he deadpanned, before outright laughing when she growled in annoyance as it seemed the only one affected by that was the poor heel of her own foot.

Pouting, she turned away from him. "You can go away now," she declared loftily, barely restraining the urge to whine when he only laughed again. She really could never win with him.

"Oh all right," Lucas said after several seconds passed. "I'm sorry I'm being a mean ole cowboy to you, so will you forgive me, pretty pretty please, darlin?"

"I won't," she responded, turning her nose up even though he couldn't see it. She had no idea where this playfulness had come from, but she liked it. It was a far better emotion than the melancholy she had been feeling just moments before. God, was Lucas good for her spirits.

She barely restrained a chuckle at his long-suffering sigh at her stubbornness. A moment later, she jumped slightly as one strong, muscular arm wrapped around her stomach and pulled her back against him. He rested his chin down on the top of her head.

"Stop buttering me up," she said, repeating her earlier words, although immediately after that, she relaxed fully back against him, letting him support her weight.

"There's a little girl I see ever so often at the station of my stop," he said softly. "I noticed that even though the weather was getting colder she was still wearing the same things. I asked around and found out that her mom's in a difficult position right now and she's always at the station because the store clerks there keep an eye out for her. I talked to her mom and before I left for Texas I bought a winter coat and a bag of toys in Riley's name. I gave Riley a picture of the girl her mom sent to me of her wearing the coat and playing with the stuff. She wrote a letter as well which Riley now has. That was my gift to her."

Maya didn't respond immediately to his quiet admission. The similarities between what he had described to her own childhood was startling and she found herself biting at her lips at the thought of it. That could have been her, that had been her when her father had still been around and, fed up of the screaming, she had fled their apartment, preferring the company of strangers than watching her family fall apart. Riley and the Matthews had saved her from that eventually, and had given her a safe haven that wasn't the streets. She knew how that little girl felt and probably did feel when she opened the gifts Lucas had arranged for her. The significance of it would not be lost to Riley, but for her particularly, she found herself lowering her head for one long moment lest as she felt the renewed prickle of tears before she settled her hands comfortably over Lucas' who brought the other one to surround her completely.

"That's a great gift, Huckleberry," she told him, her voice thick with emotion.

"I thought she'd like it," he answered, "as would you."

"I do," she said, and gave herself on moment to revel in the emotions she felt before she took a quick intake of breath before tugging at his arms until she could turn around and look up at him. "You did good, cowboy," she continued, resting her hands on his coat while his grip tightened around her once again, much to her satisfaction. "I wouldn't toss my gift for you into the bin after all."

"You got me something?" Lucas said with mock surprise, causing her to chuckle and shake her head ruefully at his silliness.

"It needs tonight to finish setting. I'll bring it for your tomorrow."

"I'll have yours waiting."

"You got me something?" she said, surprised. "You broke the rules!"

"I too can run on the wild side," he responded with a smirk.

Maya buried her head into Lucas' coat for a long moment, before with a sigh, pulled away from him entirely. "People watch with me," she bid, taking and tugging his hand until they were together at the railing, looking down onto the streets.

"I was doing this last year," Lucas said. "I was standing just here waiting for everyone else to come up."

"I asked you if this spot was taken," Maya said, smiling slightly in remembrance. "Unlike you who were so rude and just invaded my space," she joked. "I could have been saving it you know."

"For who?"

"I'm not sure yet," she said, quoting him with a smile, "but since you're here, I think you'll do."

He chuckled at that, and gently ribbed her with his elbow.

"So much has changed since then," Maya said, still staring down at the street. "So much is still changing. It gets a bit scary sometimes."

"What does?" he probed gently. "And is that why you were up here for so long by yourself?"

"I just needed a moment," she responded vaguely. "But...I am scared."

"Of what?"

"Of things falling apart again," she said, glancing briefly at him. "It's always highs and lows with me. It's always been my life, and I feel like I've been on a high for way to long now and I know like always that it's gonna end and I'm scared about what is to come when the low hits. I don't know if I'm getting weaker or if things are just getting harder, but it's more difficult now to stay afloat."

She felt the consoling hand Lucas placed on her shoulder and turned to give him a sad smile. "Sorry, Huckleberry. Tonight's supposed to be a fun night. Ignore me."

"It's whatever you need it to be," he returned softly.

"We really don't know what's going to come you know," she said then.

"I know," he answered. "We made all these grand plans for what high school would be like and all of them got tossed out the door. But we adapted, didn't we? Zay and I ended up in baseball instead of football. Farkle's battling with Smackle for that number one spot. Riley is in gender studies and you're in art and glee club. Changing classes, making new friends, making relationships, breaking relationships, everything. I don't think any of us planned for this, but this is how things turned out. It's been a hell of a year Maya, but look where it's brought us. Right back here on this rooftop, you and me and our friends."

He gestured behind him, and looking, Maya realised that the others were starting to come up. Zay and Smackle were already seated on a bench together, the space between them non-existent as they talked. Farkle was holding the door open for Riley who gave him a gentle smile in response before looping her arm with his.

"We're all still here Maya, together, just as we should be," Lucas continued, drawing her attention back to him. "We've gotten through the highs and the lows so far, and while all our lives are different, what has to matter is that we're all here together, right? That's the most important thing."

"When did you get so smart?" Maya couldn't help but ask after contemplating on his words for a moment.

"It's the wisdom of the older and more experienced," he joked and Maya chuckled, only now realising that with the recent passing of his birthday, she and Lucas were at that interesting point when, until she turned fifteen in February, they were technically two years apart in age.

"You do get what I'm saying though, right?" he asked gently, reaching out to stroke her cheek.

"You're saying that I'm not alone," Maya summarised, "and that no matter what you guys aren't going anywhere. You aren't going anywhere."

"You couldn't tear me away," he finished. "I'm always going to be here for you, princess, and no one's going to change that. Hell, I'll like to see them try."

Maya didn't have the time to respond, because, just as the last word past his lips, the first of many loud explosions lit up the sky. They had missed the countdown without even realising that. She was mildly surprised that Riley had not interrupted them to do it, or maybe it was that she had been too engrossed with Farkle to have initiated it? She tilted her head back to see the start of the display, not reacting when Lucas manoeuvred her so that she was by his side instead of in front of him, his arm wrapping around her shoulder and tugging her close to him. She did feel the kiss he pressed to her temple, and in response, she looped her hand around his torso as well, relaxing completely. There was no need to look at him, more than enough words had been said and right now all that mattered was the beautiful sight in from of them.

She jumped slightly when she felt a brush against her other hand, but years of familiarity had her relaxing immediately and heeding Riley's unspoken request to hold hands. She leant away long enough from Lucas to kiss her best friend's cheek, and crinkle her nose at Farkle who blew her a kiss in response that had her grinning. At the same time, she felt Lucas shift slightly, and turned her head to see that he was giving Zay a one-armed hug without bothering to release his hold on her. She leant forward enough so that she could see Smackle who returned the smile she gave her before a new burst of fireworks turned her attention upwards once again.

This was the right way to start the new year, she thought, contentedly. She was safely tucked between Lucas and Riley; Farkle, Zay and Smackle were also right here with them, completing their group. Even now, over the sound of the fireworks she could hear Auggie and Ava's squeals of delight, which meant that they had managed to stay up to mark the occasion and that their families had arrived on the rooftop as well. Everyone she cared about and loved was gathered now in one place. Everything was right, everything was as it was supposed to be. They had gotten things right this time around, and she was glad for that, even if it had meant leaving her now ringing phone downstairs.


	44. Chapter 44

Riley scratched absently at her stomach while yawning loudly as she stepped down into the main area of the apartment. She wondered if she was being quieter than usual because, unlike on a regular morning, her mother did not look up at her smiling. Instead, she continued to stare forward, sporting a thoughtful expression as she cradled a mug. Riley paused and cocked her head curiously as she followed her mother's gaze to see what she was so fascinated by. Oh. She spotted her father, together with her Uncle Shawn, sound asleep on the sofa. They were both still dressed in the previous day's clothes, and she was pretty certain that it was her mother was responsible for the comforter thrown over them.

"What happened to the guest room?" she asked.

Her mother stiffened, undoubtedly surprised by her presence. "You're up early," she remarked as she set her mug down, waving her over.

"Ava kicked me out so she could cuddle with Maya," she explained before coming over to sit by her, after bending to kiss her cheek.

Despite the annoyed tone she had tried to adopt, Riley wasn't really bothered by Ava's action. Indeed, it was almost endearing in a way, especially when, in spite of her sleepy grumble when she and the girl had briefly battled for supremacy, Maya had immediately lifted her arm when Ava poked at her so that she could cuddle close. Curious about what her mother was drinking, Riley took the mug from her, before pouting when she saw the bitter brown concoction within. Why anyone would willingly drink coffee was beyond her.

"Those two refused to come to bed," Topanga said, finally responding to her initial question. "Katy and I got fed-up about four o'clock and went to bed. These two buffoons fell asleep out here."

"Doesn't explain why you're here watching the buffoons like a loon though," Riley joked, because laughing when her mother reached over to pinch at her side.

"I guess I just got to thinking and lost track of time," she admitted as she took a sip from her mug before responding. "Your father's not the only one allowed to be sentimental, you know."

"About what?" Riley asked curiously as she snagged a cookie, the perfect pre-breakfast snack if she did say so herself.

Topanga sighed and tapped her finger against the rim of her mug for a moment before speaking. "Sometimes it's hard to believe that this is real," she said, as she looked from her husband to Shawn and back again, "that this is us after all this time. That we're still together like this. That they're together like this, still as close as ever. Closer even."

"Why do you sound surprised by that?" Riley asked, confused. "It's always been daddy and Uncle Shawn. It'll always be them."

"It's a given now, Riley," Topanga answered, "but back then, when we were a little older than you are now, if you'd ask me where the three of us would be, I'm not sure I would have predicted this. Hoped for it, yeah, but it wouldn't have been a guarantee."

"Why?" she asked, her eyes widening in shock. "Daddy and Uncle Shawn were perfect; all of you were perfect."

"Because we've never told you differently," Topanga said gently. "It's easier to focus on the good times," and this time, when she looked back at the two men, Riley caught a hint of sadness flash across her mother's face, "to laugh about the hell they gave Mr. Feeny, how weird I was, the homework they did or didn't do, the drama that seemed so important back then that isn't even a drop in the bucket now. It's harder to remember the bad times, but when I do it makes me so glad that I can be right here like this now, looking at my two boys together again, safe and sound and right here where I can keep an eye on them."

Riley didn't know what to say. Her mother was speaking with a freeness that, while not new to her, seemed laced with so many undercurrents that she had a hard time unravelling it. She could tell that her mother was not referring to one particular memory or moment. Her words were interwoven with minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months of the past – bad moments – if she was interpreting what she was saying right. That thought that Riley looking at the couch with interest.

She had always thought that her dad's friendship with Shawn had been perfect, legendary even, and she had heard so many times that she and Maya's friendship mirrored theirs that it had become a point of pride for her. It was also why, in the past few months, when things had stopped being perfect for her and Maya, she had wondered if she had failed, that she was not living up to the standard of friendship her father had established. Now she was starting to wonder if that was not truly the case.

"They fought?" she asked tentatively.

"Of course," Topanga answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Not always serious of course, but there were some times…" Topanga broke off, shaking her head to dispel some of the worse memories. "We nearly lost Shawn a few times. Those were our darkest days."

"I would never have guessed that," Riley admitted. "I still kind of don't believe it. I can't when I see them like this. They're fine; they're great."

"They are now," she corrected, "and that's partly because of the bad times."

"How?"

"It's not the good times that strengthen a relationship, Riley," Topanga explained. "It's the bad. They're so close now because they've been through the high points and the low, the good times and the bad. It's the people who stay with you through it all that you should keep close to you. I've had friends over the years, ones that I've only had good times with. Guess where they are now?"

"Not here?"

"Exactly," she confirmed. "It's the people who are right there in the muck with you that you should hold on to; the ones who hold your hand until you're back to where you should be and then keep holding it anyway because a change in circumstances doesn't change a thing. They're the ones you keep close Riley, the ones who take you at your best and your worst. They're the ones you should invest yourself in."

Riley thought about it, drawing parallels between her mother's words and her friendship with Maya. She could see the truth in that. Despite the turbulence they'd experience recently, Riley felt closer to Maya than ever. She wasn't insecure anymore; didn't feel bothered when Maya chose to hang out with other people; didn't question it when Maya allowed someone else to help her with her homework. She was fine with her exploring different things that interested her.

Riley could remember how paranoid all of the above had made her before, but now, none of it mattered. She just treasured the time they did spend with each other all the more, and even when they weren't together, Maya was never more than a message or phone-call away. And, she acknowledged, that was probably at least partly caused by the rift that had briefly formed between them. She would not have gotten to this point if it wasn't for those moments of despair. Her mother was right; good could come out of bad.

She began to speak, to tell her mother just that, when her mouth snapped shut because a second face replaced Maya's in her mind, and she paused, wondering why Farkle of all people had now taken residence in her mind.

Oh. Now that she thought about it, hadn't her friendship with Farkle also changed? Arguably also because of a bad time? It was the revelation of Farkle's heritage that had pushed them closer together. Since that day they'd started communicating a lot more, both in person and otherwise. She was suddenly aware that, if she were to check her phone logs, she would see that the only person she had spoken to more than Farkle lately was Maya. She loved spending time with him, loved hearing him speak. She just loved being with him.

Riley froze at that last thought, before turning with wide eyes to look at her mother who was once more just staring at the men on the couch. "Mom?" Riley asked, her tone suddenly terse in a way that caught her mother's attention immediately.

"Yes, Riley?"

"What you said..." she began, hedging because she really was not certain how to phrase what it was she wanted to say. "Does what you just said only apply to friendships?"

Her mother gave her a confused look before shrugging. "It applies to all relationships," she answered. "Why?"

Riley didn't answer her, couldn't answer her, because suddenly her mind was consumed by a niggling thought when it came to Farkle...and, she supposed, Lucas. There was something off there, if she analysed what had been occurring recently based on her mother's words. What though?

She would not have the time to dwell too long on it though, because just about then, Maya's mom stumbled into the living area, bleary eyed even as she made grabby hands for the coffee pot. Once she was sufficiently more awake, the three of them would pool efforts to get breakfast ready before they took pillows to the faces of everyone in the apartment who dared to sleep past 11:00 am.

* 

"When your mama called me to buy something for her, I'd assumed that she'd amused herself at one of those junk shops and now I have to suffer."

"It's called an Antique Shop, sir," Lucas responded with a chuckle, looking up from his textbook. He'd long since finished all of his assigned homework, but there was nothing wrong with reading ahead. "Mama didn't go out today though. What did she want you to get her?"

"A picture frame," he responded, bending down to pick up a wrapped, rectangular parcel that Lucas only now noticed. "Sent me the dimensions and everything, and yet, apparently you're the one with something that needs placing in here."

"I told her I was fine just tacking it up," Lucas said with fond exasperation, even as he set aside his pen to stand and take the package from his father, feeling the sturdiness of its weight. "Thank you," he told him.

"Thank your mama," the man responded, although he reached out to clasp and squeeze his shoulder.

"Now where is this painting Maya got you?" his father asked curiously as he settled down on the end of his son's bed.

"Not got," Lucas correctly proudly as he set the frame down to reach for the roll he had settled in a place of honour among all the trophies and plaques he had accumulated over the years. "She painted this."

He saw the flicker of surprise on his father's face as he took it from him and remove the tie that kept it rolled.

"Your mama spoke a great deal about a painting and how beautiful it was and how it deserved a special place to sit. It's why I thought she'd bought one."

Lucas didn't respond, and instead waited for his father to finish unfurling the painting. His mother had indeed spoken highly of the painting, but he did not want to prejudice his father's opinion of it. The look on his face moments later when he finished unrolling it was well worth the wait.

Lucas knew that it was a beautiful painting, magnificent even. Maya's skills had just taken off under Mr. Jackson's tutelage and the evidence of that was right there in his father's hands. He had no idea how many weeks Maya had spent working on the painting his father was now staring at with something akin to awe. The foreground of the picture was Pappy Joe's porch, bathed in the light of a slowly setting sun. He knew where she'd gotten the inspiration for it. He had sent her a photograph of himself and Mary Beth, snapped by his aunt, as they had lain in Pappy Joe's recliner watching the sun go down. It had been the day of the competition and Mary Beth had been half asleep, overtired from a day of fun but still too wired to completely drift off.

The details of the picture were intricate and, when he had first looked at it, he felt that he could have reached out and plucked up the leaf that had blown onto the porch, could lean forward and sniff at the vase of flowers his grandma always left out there.

Despite that though, it was the landscape she had rendered in paint just beyond the porch that Lucas found most poignant. That was a message meant solely for him. Beyond the porch wasn't the wide acreage of land that had been in his family for generations. Instead there was a gradual yet imperceptible transition so that just beyond the boundaries of the porch was a view of a city – New York City. Somehow Maya had managed to capture the rarely acknowledged but lingering concern that he had had for the past few years, a fear as to how he could balance the two worlds he now lived and belonged in. He loved New York, that he could not deny, but Texas still played a vital role in his existence.

Sometimes he was surprised by how much he had changed. When he had first come to New York, he had had just one intention: redeem himself. Afterwards he would return home to Texas, a new teenager with a record to prove that he no longer deserved to be judged by what he had done. He hadn't planned on making such wonderful friends, of growing to love the fast-paced city life he'd initially abhorred, of picturing a life there with the people he had come to love. And yet he had. It didn't mean that he loved Texas any less, it just meant that he had a second place that he loved just as much, if not slightly more.

Whenever he allowed himself to think about it, a niggling fear would worm its way into his guts. Eventually, he feared, he would have to make a decision, would have to commit himself to one state, one life, one reality and he knew that Maya's painting was meant to alleviate that fear, to show him that maybe that was not a decision that had to be made, that maybe he could keep his home state while still retaining the affection that he had for New York.

"Maya is quite skilled," his father said, and Lucas, drawn from his thoughts, felt a wave of pride at his father's praise because it was not an easy thing to earn. "I knew you had said she was good at Art…but this…she has real promise."

"I know," Lucas said, sitting beside him. "It surprises me at times. Maya barely has the patience to get through a class, but she'll sit for hours painting, drawing, making something, anything. It's magic watching her. She always seems so relaxed and at peace once she's working on something. I'd watch her more often if I could."

"To see her create something, or just to watch her?"

His father's question startled him, but, after a moment, Lucas could only sigh ruefully and rub at the back of his neck. "Is it that obvious?"

"Your mama may have given you most of her features," his father remarked, "but your expressions are all your grandfather's, and, I suppose mine. Zay I've known ever since you both were knee high and you've brought Farkle about enough that I have a sense of who he is. Your girl friends though I've mostly only heard about, something I've found more than a little strange son since once of them is your actual girlfriend."

Lucas heard the mild reproach in his father's voice and ducked his head shamefaced. "I'm sorry, sir," he apologised. "I should have formally introduced Riley to the both of you."

"The fact that you haven't speaks volumes," his father responded, pinning him with a look that had Lucas resisting the urge to squirm and look away.

"I…I don't have an excuse, sir."

"I'm not asking for one," he answered. "But, that's not the kind of talk I came in here to have with you," he continued, as, patting his shoulder once, he stood up. "When you know where you want to hang Maya's painting, call me. These walls aren't wood and I'd rather you not go busting holes into it trying to pound in a nail."

"I will," Lucas promised. "Thank you for the frame daddy, even if you did think it was for mama."

"Of course," he nodded.

Lucas' father lingered in the open doorway unbeknownst to him though, looking back at his son contemplatively. He had no idea that he was still there, engrossed as it were with examining the painting once again. He frowned as he watched his son's expression before, with a shake of his head, he walked away. Lucas had taken much of his looks from his mother, but his mannerisms were firmly Friar, as was that look on his face. That was a look he had seen quite often, most often on his father and brothers' faces. He knew it was an expression he sported often when he looked at his own wife; that enamoured, adoring, loving look where he stared at her as if she were the most beautiful, most precious person that he had ever encountered. He had wondered when he would see such an expression on his son's face; and after sixteen long years he had when he had gone up on the roof of the Matthews' apartment and seen him looking down at Maya. His son had found the one for him, later than Pappy Joe had, but definitely a lot sooner than it had taken him to pull his head from his ass and realise that his little sister's best friend was the one for him.

He had almost asked him why exactly he was wasting time with Riley – a wonderful girl yes, but clearly not the one meant for him – when he had Maya. But, some things were better left unsaid. It wouldn't do him good to be a force in all areas of his son's life, especially in this. It was better to let him try and fail, or try and succeed in matters of the heart, because there were just some things that people need to figure out on their own, and love was definitely one of those things. He would just have to hope that, in the end, his son would realise where his true interest lay, for his sake.

* 

"Why you still up, kiddo?"

Maya blinked, drawn out of her reverie by the sound of Shawn's voice. "What did you say?" she asked, swinging around in her chair so that she could see him properly.

"I asked why you were still up," he repeated, as he leant against the door frame. "We had an agreement that once you got all your painting stuff done that you'd stop going to bed in the wee hours of the morning, didn't we? You'll be a mess in school Monday otherwise."

"As if you didn't sleep in most of your classes," she scoffed, even as she briefly glanced back at her laptop to check the time, more than a little surprised when she saw that it was almost two in the morning. Had she really been sitting here that long?

"What I did is not at all relevant here," Shawn returned, although Maya chuckled at the impish lilt to his voice as he said it. "I know Cory's told you all the stories, but I want you to do better than me, okay?"

"I have not heard all the stories," she corrected, "especially not from your point of view. And," she continued, stressing on the word, "I'm not here figuring out how best to woo girls and plan rebellions. I'm just...thinking."

"About what?" he asked, straightening and coming into the room entirely to sit on her bed.

Maya sighed, and not sure exactly how to phrase it, settled for turning the laptop enough so he could see the video that she had had looping for a while now.

"Oooooh," he intoned a moment later, "the boyfriend's epic woo manoeuvre. I'll admit the kid's got game. I mean I had game - a lot of game - but I never went that far to get the girl."

Maya rolled her eyes at that before turning back to the laptop just in time to see Shane kissing her hand before (even more) cheers erupted from around the hall, with Matthews' raging comments about boys being evil and keeping them away from his Maya being the last moments of the footage before the video ended (with Matthews loudly booing).

That had been quite the moment, she thought, as she paused the video, before turning back to Shawn. That had been the moment that started it all, the few seconds in which she decided that Shane was more than just an irritation, more than just the wide-eyed new classmate who gave her compliments and sent her message after message in the hopes that she would actually respond to one of them. Those few minutes on the stage had changed her perspective of him, had forced her to realise that hey, there were so many other options in the world out there for her beyond Lucas, had left her feeling special, appreciated and well-cared for.

Those were unbridled feelings, not at all tempered by the sobering realisation that those feelings were shared by someone else, her best friend, and so she had no right to allow herself to feel those things. And with that realisation, though scared, though uncertain, she had given in, had committed full-heartedly to going to Homecoming with Shane, and, though indirectly at the time, to being his girlfriend. She had felt content in that moment, and it was a contentedness that had lasted for a good few weeks.

It was a contentedness she wasn't quite certain she felt anymore.

"Maya?"

Once again it was Shawn's voice that brought her back to reality and she found herself offering him an apologetic look for drifting back off into her thoughts.

"How do you know when you're in love with somebody?" she asked, slumping back tiredly in her chair. "How can you tell?"

"Wow," Shawn said in response, and to his credit, she supposed, his look of panic was fleeting. "Kiddo, you don't just go around throwing the 'L' word like that okay? Especially not without giving me some warning, k? I'm not looking to have a heart attack here."

She huffed at that. "You're not that old."

"I'm Feeny's father, remember," he joked, gesturing to the cable-knit sweater he was wearing. "You got to ease me into this stuff."

"It's not like I'm asking you about kissing and...stuff."

"Oh hell no," he declared. "Those kind of questions are for your mother, Topanga, Riley...well maybe not baby Cory," he amended quickly, "but Shawn Hunter? No thank you. That's not my job. Consider by resignation tendered."

She snickered at that, especially when he raised his arms to form an X for emphasis. "Shawn," she said pointedly.

"Right...the question," he said, getting back on track. "Lemme ask first. You think you're in love with Shane?"

Maya twisted her mouth for a moment before answering. "Shane thinks he's in love with me," she responded. "Rumour has it he was going to tell me on New Year's but...I left my phone on the table."

"Deliberately?"

Maya shrugged.

"Kiddo?" Shawn pressed, his tone expectant.

"I may not have wanted to hear him say that," she allowed, not meeting his gaze, "especially not when I knew the answer he would have wanted to hear."

"So from what I'm gathering," Shawn said, "you ignored a call from your boyfriend because there was a high likelihood that he'd say that he loves you and you didn't want to hear that?"

"Basically."

"I'm conflicted here."

"How?" she asked.

"Because Cory's sort of giving me a crash course in this whole being a dad thing and according to him I'm supposed to hate all things boys and dating, not feel sorry for the guy."

"Feel sorry for me!"

"You're not the one wondering why the hell your girlfriend skipped out on a call you knew he was going to make."

"You're supposed to be on my side," she pointed out.

"I'm on the sensible side," he replied, stroking at his beard. "Why didn't you take the call?"

"Because I didn't want to hear him say that."

"And why didn't you want to hear him say that?"

"Because he shouldn't be saying those things," she answered. "Why does he think he loves me? I mean, it's not like I've done anything. I barely do anything."

"And by that you mean?"

"The girlfriend-y things," she said exasperated. "I don't write him love notes. I don't look at him all goo-goo eyes or act like I'm dying if I don't talk to him for a few days. You should see the corridors during break; you'd think that people were reuniting post-war not after 45 minutes apart. Why should I hug him or kiss him every time? I call him...when I remember... and I try to do something nice ever so often so he has nothing to complain to his friends about, but that's about it. I don't do anything for him to actually love me you know, so why the hell does he want to whip it out of no-where for?

"And what was I supposed to say even if I'd answered, anyway," she continued on. "I love you too? Nothing? I don't love you? Because I don't know what the answer to that is, and there's only one thing he would have wanted to hear and that's one rabbit hole I'm not going to go down for no-one even if it'd spare his feelings. You don't just say the L word, you don't throw that around unless you really mean it. And I don't," she finished.

"You do realise what you just said, right?" Shawn asked her, an eyebrow arched.

"What?" she muttered, sliding down a bit in her chair morosely.

"Think about it?" Shawn instructed. "What's the last thing you just said?"

Maya thought about it for a moment, and when she did, she found herself stiffening. "I don't."

"Exactly," he replied. "You just said that you don't love Shane. You said that the reason you didn't take his call is because you didn't want to lie by saying you loved him in return. Your boyfriend loves you Maya, and if your own words are to be believed, you don't love him. That is if he even really loves you," Shawn added with a shrug. "You guys are at that age where things you think you may feel may not always be the case. I was 'in love'," he said, using his fingers to make head quotes, "with about half the girls I dated. I didn't actually understand what love really meant, really entailed, until I met Angela, and to be honest, even that is blown out of the water by what I have with your mom now. That's real love there, but I don't think I would know how great the love your mom and I have now - how perfect it is - if I hadn't gone through all the motions before.

"Shane may think that he's in love with you, and it's not for me to disparage his feelings - Cory and Topanga are living proof that sometimes you do find true love young - but what I do know Maya is that right now, if you yourself can say you're not in love with Shane that maybe you two aren't heading for a fairy-tale ending here."

"Which is perfectly okay."

Maya turned her head towards her mother who entered the room, stroking Maya's cheek before she joined her fiancé on the bed.

"How much of that did you hear?" Shawn asked, immediately dropping his hand to her thigh.

"Enough to know that you give pretty good relationship advice," she answered, reaching out to peck his cheek before looking towards her. "High school is a time for discovery and experimentation, baby girl. It's where you come of age - fully come of age. It's a time to discover your likes, dislikes, habits and skills. It's where you learn who you are and start to work towards being the kind of person you want to be. It's also a time for relationships - all kinds. You make new friends, you make new enemies; sometimes old enemies become new friends. Crushes become all out loves or just nameless, faceless people you think about in years to come wonder what ever happened to them.

"Romantic relationships is also part of that, baby girl, and I know, given what we've gone through that you may have a...different idea of what commitment may mean, but I want you to know there's a limit to that, okay? Yes, you're Shane's girlfriend, but that doesn't mean you have to try to do anything. You don't have to try to love him, you either do or you don't."

"But isn't love something that develops?"

"It is," she confirmed. "The only thing I wanted to do when I first met Shawn was sucker punch him for being presumptuous."

"I had good intentions," he defended, even as she jabbed him in the side.

"It wasn't until what...our third...fourth time meeting that I actually sort of realised that, hmm...he's actually sort of cute."

"I've have you know I was the most sought out guy in my year in high school!"

"Oh don't worry, my dear," she told him slyly, "Topanga has more than told me about Shawn Hunter's glory days."

"Wait...what exactly did she tell you?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," she grinned, before turning back to Maya. "Anyho, it wasn't until a certain man decided to be fresh and put his arm around me that I realised that...hmm, that feels nice and it snowballed from there."

"Like this?" he asked, doing just that.

"Okay, ewww, no flirting on my bed," Maya grumbled when her mom snuggled into his side with a giggle. She tossed a ball of paper at Shawn when he pointedly looked at her before kissing her mother, a ball he caught one-handed and tossed back at her with equal force.

"I was saying something?" her mom said then, brushing hair off her face.

"I think you were telling me that it's okay to not love Shane."

"Exactly. There are a lot of emotions you can force, Maya, fake even, but love just isn't one of them. It's not something I'd ever suggest doing because it does the person you're pretending to love even more harm in the long run because eventually it'll reach a point where you just can't bring yourself to pretend anymore, and what's the result? The person is hurt, devastated, worse even if they realise that it's not a matter of you falling out of love with them, but rather you never having felt that way in the first place."

"I don't want to hurt Shane," Maya said firmly. "It's never been my intention to hurt him."

"Then don't," Shawn replied. "You can only hurt him irrevocably if you lead him on in a lie. I'll be honest and say I think he's gone way too far dropping the L word so soon. Have you guys even made six months yet?"

"Nope," she confirmed, doing a quick calculation. "That'll be April or May."

"He probably just got caught up in the hype of the holidays," her mother offered.

"Then what am I supposed to do?"

"Do you at least like him, baby girl?" Katy asked.

"Of course I do, mom," she answered. "I just...it's not the same like it was before. But I do like him."

"Then talk to him tomorrow."

"And say what?"

"Tell him we put you on a family-only lock down so you couldn't answer."

"Well...I wouldn't advocate lying to him," Katy said mildly, "but since it's not like he told you he was going to call to say he loved you, I think you could just, for the sake of peace right now, go with that. But it's not a long term solution, Maya," she quickened to add, "because it's going to come up again at some point and if it's clear that your feelings for Shane aren't changing for the better then the both of you deserve more. Shane deserves better than investing time and feelings into someone who can't reciprocate them, and you deserve better than wasting time trying to salvage a relationship you don't really want, especially if your heart lies elsewhere."

"I'm not sure what you mean by that."

"Of course you don't," her mother agreed, and while she said that a bit too easily for Maya's liking, she decided against pressing her on it. "Anyway," her mother continued, "since apparently no one in this house appreciates the value of a bed, how about I go whip us up some hot cocoa and we can finish this in the living room?"

"That sounds great mom," Maya agreed. "Can I get caramel sauce?"

"I think I can manage that," she said, winking at her. "Come on Shawn, help me find the mugs."

"Only if I get whip cream and caramel," he returned, although he was already on his feet and helping her to stand before she could even respond.

Maya watched them fondly until they were out of the room before slumping back tiredly, rubbing her temples. That was a lot of information to be bombarded with, and while, undoubtedly, all of it would be helpful, she needed time to dwell upon it, and right now, with the promise of a warm treat to soothe her to sleep, she wasn't in the mood to keep thinking and so, with a few taps to her keyboard, she shut the laptop down and stood.

Prepared to leave the room, she stopped abruptly at her dresser table. Despite the budding headache that threatened from information overload, Maya smiled as she reached over and took up the sturdy, polished, carved oak art box that Lucas had made for her, actually made. She couldn't believe it. He had sported the occasional cut recently, but whenever she had mentioned it or else teased him about losing fights with his neighbour's cat he had done nothing except smile indulgently at her.

She hadn't understood it until earlier in the day, and had been speechless despite the fact that it would have been the perfect moment to tease him to eternity regarding his country bumpkin ways. Not only had Lucas put the box together with the assistance of his father, Pappy Joe had actually helped him to carve a sort of abstract pattern into the lid before sandpapering it to remove the rough edges. If she lifted it up he would see where her initials had been chiselled into the bottom (done by Pappy Joe because Lucas lacked the finesse to do such a tiny detail), but all in all it was a beautiful piece that she couldn't help but love. The mere sight of it made her which that Lucas was here for her to hug again in thanks.

More than that, the box hadn't come empty. He put in pictures of him and Mary Beth, him alone, some pictures of them together alongside their whole friend group and some drawings that he and Mary Beth had worked on while he was keeping an eye out on her during his stay in his home town. She loved all the pictures, and the box in itself. She selected one of the pictures in particular and held it up. It had been during a study session at the Matthews, just the two of them with Riley, and while she had been aware that Riley had been goofing around with her phone, she hadn't realised that she'd been taking pictures, far less of her and Lucas. This one in particular she enjoyed. Riley had caught them while Lucas had been prodding at her nose with the eraser of his pencil after she had crinkled it at him. She couldn't remember exactly what she had been sassing him about this time around (not that it really mattered) but the merriment in both of their eyes was plain to see and, long after she closed the box, she would leave the picture on top of it so that she could see it more easily.

Hearing Shawn calling out to her from the living room, threatening to start drinking her hot chocolate, Maya laughed and with a rueful shake of her head headed out of her bedroom. She paused though, looking back thoughtfully at the art box once again. A thought lingered in the back of her mind as she thought about what her mom and Shawn had said, about what love wasn't. A part of her wondered if she should inquire as to what love actually was, but, in a moment of complete honesty with herself, she acknowledged that that was a question whose answer she already knew.

* 

Something had been on his mind a while now, ever since the Secret Santa exchange, but in the blitz that was the holiday season, and the surprise pleasure of having both his parents there with him in person rather than a Skype call from his father from whichever country he was in, Farkle hadn't been left with much time to give the deep-rooted analysis he would have wanted to about what he had seen, and, perhaps, even more importantly, what he had felt over the course of that afternoon. But now, seated inside Topanga's with a cup of tea while he waited for everyone else's arrival for this, their last hanging out session before the new semester started, he couldn't help but cast his gaze first to where he and Riley had sat together the last time they had been here, and then, over to the other side of the bakery where Smackle and Zay had been.

He didn't quite want to deal with feelings right now; it was the one thing he found near-incomprehensible, and so it was much easier to focus on the second issue - Smackle and Zay, especially since Zay of all people was now entering the bakery, shrugging out of his thick jacket. For some reason people tended to focus more on Lucas being from Texas than Zay, a fairly understandable fact seeing that Zay's parents were not native to the state, and resultantly, other than the good manners and a penchant to drawl certain words, Zay could just about pass for a New Yorker. It was the winter months that gave him away though. Much like Lucas, Zay simply wasn't accustomed to the level of cold the city could experience, and so, much to Farkle's amusement, underneath his coat, Zay wore several more layers that he himself would only wear on the coldest of days.

"It's just you, Farkle?" he asked, as he looked around.

"For now," he answered as he stood and walked behind the counter to pour him a drink.

The Matthews had long since given the six of them free rein in the establishment and in return, on light days like today, whenever any of them were present they tended to lend a hand as needed be it by taking orders or cleaning up. None of them minded; indeed, it was the least any of them could do seeing that they always got their food and beverages free. "Smackle's seeing her grandmother off and Maya and Riley decided to detour into Demolition."

"When exactly did the detour start?" Zay asked wryly as he dropped down in his preferred sleep.

"Well they've been there over an hour so far," he returned with a shrug, handing the mug to Zay before resuming his former seat. "Once it doesn't end with Maya covered in paint in a few days I'm good."

"I'll drink to that," he agreed, taking a long drag of his cocoa, shuddering in appreciation of the immediate warmth it afforded him. "Lucas is running behind so I guess that just leaves you and me all by our lonesome. Whatever shall we do?"

Zay's tone was merry, humorous even, but where usually it would have been enough to get him to crack a smile, the question in the back of his mind came back to the surface and he knew that, logistic wise, this was probably the best opportunity he would get to bring the matter up without it being awkward. But how to phrase it?

"You're either constipated or thinking way too hard."

"What?" Farkle said, with a sharp shake of his head to focus.

"That look on your face," he explained. "You're either constipated or over-thinking, and for the sake of my nose I sincerely hope it's not the former."

"You're disgusting."

"I never denied it," he returned, grinning broadly. "What's hurting your head? I'm no Smackle, but I can at least listen to whatever great scientific mystery you're trying to solve this time."

"I'm not thinking about that," he answered. "I'm thinking about you."

"I could interpret that in plenty of ways," Zay joked, "but let's go with the most likely reason, huh? What's up?"

"I don't know how to say it," he told him.

"Just blabbing out the first thing that comes to mind usually works for me."

"Isn't that the same habit that gets you into trouble?"

"Less so now than before surprisingly," he responded with a shrug. "Now hit me. What's up?"

Farkle sighed and jostled his legs restlessly for a moment, finally settling on a point a time. "Do you remember what you asked me? After we chose our Secret Santa persons and you went outside?"

"Vaguely," Zay admitted. "That god-awful Theremin sound though; that I can't forget."

"It does take some getting used to," he allowed. "But since you don't remember I'll tell you. You asked me about what you should get Smackle for a gift. I told you that I wouldn't help you, and that it didn't really matter anyway since I'm the only one who would know what Smackle wants."

"Oh yeah that," Zay said, nodding his head knowingly. "I've got to admit that that stung a bit."

"I'm sorry," he apologised. "I guess I was showing off. I thought that there would never be anyone who could know Smackle like I do. But…I was wrong."

"Excuse me," Zay said sharply, leaning forward while cupping his hand over his ear. "Did I just hear right? The boy-genius Farkle Minkus is admitting that he was wrong about something?"

"I'm not saying it again," Farkle grumbled.

"Well it still goes down in the record books," Zay said brightly. "Although...you want to tell me exactly what you were wrong about?"

"There's a difference in Economics between a want and a need," Farkle explained. "A need is something integral, something that, if you do not have it, would alter your life significantly for the worse. A want is something more superfluous; it's something that would benefit you, but, if you never actually got that want, you'd still be okay since it's not integral to who you are or what you need."

"I think I follow."

"I was smug with you," Farkle continued. "I told you that you'd never know what Smackle wanted, that only I could. But you proved that you didn't have to give her something that she wanted. You actually did something for her - made something for her - that fulfilled a need I didn't even know she had. Smackle loves the book you gave her Zay. She reads it every day, she talks about it every day and listening to her showed me things she's been thinking about – worried about – that I didn't even know was bothering her. You did. She told you and I'm her…I thought I was the one who knew her the best."

"You don't need to beat yourself up over this, you know," Zay pointed out. "People talk to different people about different things."

"Not Smackle," Farkle said firmly, which was truly the case.

He and Smackle had achieved so many milestones since they'd gotten together, little things that probably were insignificant to other people but were so important when it came to them together as a couple, and her on an individual basis. Getting Smackle to actually sit beside him for any length of time without becoming uncomfortable had taken weeks. Holding hands had taken months. Getting to hug her without her freezing had taken well over a year. Getting her to be open with him with regards to her thoughts that expanded beyond science had been such a prolonged work of progress that at times he had doubted that it would ever happen. And, when he had managed to get her to trust him enough to be open with him, he had seen it as one of his greatest accomplishments, a badge of honour and pride that he had worn proudly for so long that he had become smug about it.

He had never thought that there would ever come a time when there would be a next person who could know her as well as he did, and yet that time had apparently come, and it was Zay of all people, a person that he would have never, ever considered to be a risk to his position of number one in Smackle's life. He didn't know how to interpret that, had never expected that it would be Zay. It had always been an idle thought that if there was a person he should be wary of when it came to Smackle, that it would be Lucas.

"When did this happen?" Farkle asked, looking at his friend with genuine confusion, because, no matter how much he had dwelt on it, considered it, he couldn't recall the moment where Zay had begun to outstrip him. "How could you know what she needed? When did she turn to you instead of me?"

"Hey now," Zay said, lifting his hands up in a surrendering gesture, "It's not as serious as you're making it out to be. I lucked out and got her a nice gift; there's nothing else to it."

"Don't lie to me!" Farkle snapped, surprising even himself by the venom in his tone. "I'm sorry," he apologised, rocking forward slightly so that he could rub at his forehead. "I…I know you're aware of what I mean. Please don't play dumb with me. I'm serious about this."

"I don't know what you want me to say," Zay admitted with a helpless shrug. "Smackle and I started to spend more time together this semester…but how could you not have noticed? Who do you think stays with her when you and Riley are off to one-side talking about something? Who's the one who always gets left behind when something goes wrong with Riley or Maya and you and Lucas run off to make things right again? Me. It's always me. Do you think we just sit there and stare off in space? We talk and when people talk you tend to learn things about them, you know?"

"I know that," Farkle said, sitting up straight once again. "What I don't understand is how you can learn in a few weeks things I never even knew was happening and we've been together for so long."

"I can't answer that," Zay answered, and somehow Farkle knew that he wasn't saying it out of reluctance. Zay really didn't know the answer. "Look Farkle, if you feel like something is wrong…like I'm overstepping somewhere, just tell me, okay?"

"This isn't about what I feel," Farkle said, and while his tone was still a bit sharper than what he would have liked, he trusted that this time, Zay would not take offense to it. "It's never about what I feel when it comes to Smackle. I want the best for her. I've always wanted what was best for her."

"That is what I want for her as well," Zay replied, his tone gentle. "That's all I want; for Smackle to be happy."

"Which is why I would step aside if I knew it would make her happy," Farkle admitted, and, staring at Zay as he was, he could see the way his eyes widened briefly. "I would never stand in the way of that."

Zay swallowed, and Farkle watched as his Adam's apple moved with the action. "Farkle-"

"She knows you pretty well when I think about it," Farkle continued, leaning back. "She chose the gift I gave to you."

"I figured," Zay answered ruefully. "She's the only one who knew I feel left out sometimes. So when you gave me a gift that means we have to spend time together – the three of us having to spend time together – I realised that it was her doing. It didn't make it any less special though. I'm happy you want us to be better friends."

"Yeah well now more than ever I think that's important," he said, realising belatedly that he had probably said more than he intended if the way Zay's expression flickered was anything to go by.

Well it was fine regardless, he supposed. Secret Santa had been quite the eye-opener for him, and yet somehow, the more time passed, the less bothered he was by what he believed was occurring. If it turned out that this was what Smackle wanted, he would be okay with it. He couldn't quite put his finger on why the thought of losing Smackle as a girlfriend wasn't more devastating; he knew that it was something that most people would be upset about. And yet, he wasn't, and that too was another question he would have to find the answer to.


	45. Chapter 45

It seemed that whenever she came here without invitation it was because of a restless mind and spirit that would see her wandering around on the streets until, inevitably, she found herself standing outside this building. Maya sighed and pulled the hands she had had stuffed in her coat pockets out so she could wring them nervously as she looked up to where the lights were on in the building - the only lights on as a matter of fact. That was only to be expected. After all, it was a Sunday afternoon and the last dance class would have ended at midday. She wasn't concerned by that though, she knew that the light in the studio hadn't been left on by accident, and, more than that, she had a fair idea of who should find present there if she were to go up.

And that was exactly why she should just turn around and leave, she thought, wringing her hands just a bit harder. She didn't know what she would say to Shane, but she knew that she definitely needed to talk to him. She had not said a word to him in days, and the fact that he hadn't made a move to contact her either was particularly telling and it caused a coil of nervousness to wound its way in her stomach. He was mad at her, and it was an anger that was very much deserved. She really had been unfair to him.

But was now really the best time to try to speak to him? She could easily just wait until tomorrow, the first day of school, when there would be people around who could help deflect the awkwardness. But wouldn't that be the coward's way out? She shouldn't have to depend on other people to help her through this. After all it had been her own decisions that had brought her to this point, therefore it was up to her to find a solution to the trouble her actions had led her into. It was the mature thing to do, but truthfully, she acknowledged as she slowly climbed the steps and made her way into the building, it was not something she had to like.

Shane really was the only one there in the studio. He had music blasting loudly, so much so that he had not heard the tell-tale creak the door made whenever it was opened. He didn't know she was there, and she took advantage of that, taking the time to gather her thoughts while she shrugged out of her coat, gloves and scarf. He had been at it for a while, she thought, when task complete, she sank down until she was sitting cross-legged on the floor, her back resting against the wall. He was sweating profusely, his black fitted vest plastered against his torso as he danced. He looked good like that, and she knew that if there were other girls present observing him like she was, they would already be giggling with each other.

Shane was good-looking, she had always known that, but it wasn't something she focussed on tremendously. Other people knew it as well: more than once she had seen girls in her year (and frankly above) shoot him second glances in the corridor or went out of their way to talk to him. He wasn't skinny, but neither was he muscular. She supposed that, while cliched to say, her boyfriend really did have a dancer's figure. He was deceptively lean. At a glance people wouldn't believe him capable of lifting and tossing people in the air effortlessly, but he managed it on a near daily basis.

Shane was a catch, and she twisted her mouth back and forth as she realised that it was something she rarely acknowledged. And even now, looking at him like this, sweaty and glistening as he moved, she only felt a slight kernel of interest perking up. If everything she had heard about attraction so far was to be believed, she definitely should be feeling something more seeing her boyfriend like this, but frankly, all she wanted to do was toss him a towel to wipe off some of his sweat and that wasn't exactly what a girlfriend should be feeling, she realised as she reached down to fiddle with the bracelet he had made for her.

She leant her head back against the wall, absentmindedly observing him until, finally, he turned in her direction before freezing, staring at her. It took her a few seconds to actually acknowledge that he was looking at her, and when she did, she sat up straighter and offered him a sheepish smile while he clapped his hand twice to shut the music off.

"Did I scare you?" she asked, almost instantly regretting the loss of the music because the room suddenly seemed deafeningly silent, something that immediately put her on edge.

"I didn't know you were coming here," he answered, and Maya instinctively bit at her lower lip because there was a definite coolness to his tone. Oh yeah, he was definitely mad at her.

"I thought that I would surprise you," she offered lamely as she rose to her feet. Even to her own ears her words seemed hollow and if the unimpressed look he gave her was anything to go by, he had heard it as well.

"Why are you here?" he asked, his tone sharper than before, "no friends wanted to hang out today?"

"I was with them yesterday," she answered instinctively before wincing because, yeah, admitting that she'd hung out with other people when she had yet to even acknowledge his attempt at communication was not the most gracious of moves by any means.

"Well maybe you should go surprise them," he said gruffly before walking to a corner of the room where he had his gym bag.

"You're mad at me," Maya noted unnecessarily as she followed him across the room. "I'm sorry."

"No you're not, Maya," he said with a level of ferocity that had her pausing mid-step. "You know," he continued, sounding frustrated, "I don't know what to do with you."

"What does that mean?" she asked, hesitantly.

"Exactly what I said," he replied, dropping his bag back to the floor unopened. "Everyone says I should be patient with you, that I need to understand how you've lived, but how understanding am I supposed to be? Where do I draw the line?"

"Shane-"

"I get it," he said, interrupting her, "I get it. You told me that you wanted to spend time with your family, that this was your first year not having to go to Riley's house to experience a real Christmas. I understood that and let you be. I even let you be after you ruined our date bringing Liam because hey, maybe I had some blame to take there before I wouldn't listen about Kira. But New Year's, Maya? I asked you to do one little thing for me and you couldn't do it."

"I was busy," she said lamely, her voice barely above a whisper. "I was with-"

"With him," Shane cut her off with a near growl, "or are you going to lie about that?"

"Shane-"

"When I asked you what your plans for New Year's were, what did you tell me? Huh?" he asked angrily, taking a few steps towards her. It took everything in her power not to step back then because she wasn't scared, but...unnerved, very unnerved. She had thought the situation the last time she had been with him when he was upset uncomfortable. This was far worse.

"I don't remember," she admitted, and that was the truth. She didn't think that whatever she had told him would be too far from the truth, but maybe it was if he were this angry?

"You said you would be with your family. You said that you were just going to have a nice quiet time with your family. The pictures you got tagged in on Facebook says otherwise so why are you lying to me? Why are you lying about being with him?"

She understood his anger now. Countless pictures from their holiday get-togethers had made their way online, most of them goofy pictures. However some were more on the endearing side, pictures of all of them together or in smaller groups. She knew exactly which picture was now the source of Shane's ire. It was the one Shawn had taken of the six of them not too long after the fireworks had ceased. They had still been all together, but, by the time the photograph had been taken, Lucas had pulled her in front of him, his arms comfortably wrapped around her middle while she had left it up to him to support her weight, her head relaxed back against his chest, and a smile that even she would describe as blissfully happy on her face.

"Nothing to say now?" Shane demanded, still glaring at her.

"I didn't lie to you," she said, struggling to inject firmness into her tone. "I told you I would be with my family."

"They are not your family. He is not your family. I am your boyfriend, not him, so why the hell were you wrapped all over him huh? Why were you with him when I told you that I was going to call?"

"My phone was in Riley's room!" she argued. "That has nothing to do with Lucas. Why do you always bring up Lucas in everything?"

"Because I don't like him!"

"He did nothing to you," she grated out. "He never has. I'm sorry you don't like him. I'm sorry you got a bad impression of him because of what happened last year, but Lucas is not a bad guy. He doesn't deserve any of this."

"Are you actually defending him to me?" Shane said incredulously.

"I-I'm not defending him," she answered swiftly. "All I'm saying is that you're being unfair to him. He's my friend."

"He doesn't want to be your friend, Maya," Shane snapped, before with a haggard sigh raised his hand up to press against his forehead. He was obviously trying to calm himself down, she noted, even as she forced herself to take a couple of deep breaths herself, only now realising how riled up she had become.

"You just don't understand," Shane said finally, his voice sounding tired as he focussed on her, once again. "I get it's not your fault with how you've grown up and all, but I don't know how many get-out-of-jail-free cards I'm supposed to be handing out."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You just don't know how real relationships are supposed to work," he explained, "what with your parents and all. I get that their divorce screwed you up - my brother's right about that - but just how much patience am I supposed to have with you?"

"There's something wrong with me?" Maya asked, and while her tone was surprised inside her emotions started to roil. Did Shane really think something was wrong with her? Was something wrong with her? "Dylan told you that?"

"Not Dylan, Brian," he corrected. "Dylan loves you. That's why I talk to Brian now when I need advice because he's the objective one."

"You've been asking your brother what's wrong with me," Maya noted a bit woodenly as she folded her arms.

"Yes...no," he amended, "it's just that I don't know what to do with you sometimes Maya. There are some days where things are so good, when you're so great. And then you turn around and do things like this."

Maya couldn't deny that, recalling how she'd mentioned to Shawn just how bad a girlfriend she could be to Shane at times. It didn't prevent her from feeling guilty about it though. "Shane-"

"Brian kept telling me that I needed to be patient and give you time and show you how it's done. Kids learn about relationships from watching their parents, he said, and Maya never had that chance. But where's the limit, Maya? Where do I draw the line and say that you really don't care about me, not like I care for you?"

"It's not that I don't care about you," Maya protested, even as she battled against the sting of tears that threatened. Shane, and well his brother, she supposed, was right. She really was a screw up, and there was no denying that. Hadn't her attitude towards her treatment of Shane been largely nonchalant? Was this the reason she couldn't bring herself to respond to his affection for her in like, why she had hid away from him like a coward rather than facing what she knew would be coming? Maybe she wasn't built for love? Maybe her past had made her defective? Maybe Shane was right and she was a product of her parents' failed marriage. Maybe she had taken more out of that situation than she had thought and was modelling them. After all, even now her mother would profess that, back then, she had loved her father wholeheartedly. It was he who had left her after slowly but progressively showing signs that he no longer felt the same. Was she heading down that part? Was she turning into him?

Whatever Shane was saying in response to her statement went unheard to her, she was too wrapped up in her head, her thoughts. She reached up to rub at her temples in an attempt to consolidate her increasingly scattered thoughts. Distracted from Shane as she was, she flinched violently when he touched her. She stumbled backwards, tripped and landed painfully on her behind.

"Maya, you okay?" Shane asked worriedly as she dropped down beside her.

She didn't respond. It was all too much, the implications of his words, the pain she was feeling, the concern in his voice where only moments before there had been anger.

"I need to go," she mumbled out.

"Wait, Maya," he said, trying to approach her once again.

"No," she said, turning away from him and hurrying to where her outer clothing lay folded.

Maybe if she really wanted to have escaped him she would have braved the cold outside, but in the time it took her to scoop up her coat, Shane reached her and grabbed onto her arms, spinning her back around. "Maya-"

"Let me go," she demanded, and struggled to free herself as his grip tightened a bit. "Let me go!" she repeated when he only held onto her tighter.

"I'm sorry Maya," he told her, but she didn't want to hear it; wouldn't hear it. She just wanted to leave before he could see just how strongly his words were affecting her. Desperate she stomped on his foot. He yelped and released her, however before she could turn and take more than a few steps away from him he had her in his arms again, his arms wrapped around her waist to pull her back to him.

"I'm sorry," he said again, burying his head in her hair. He continued to apologise, saying variants of the same thing over and over. Maya stopped struggling and just stood there woodenly, half-listening to his words but not really processing them. She didn't know if what he was doing was meant to comfort her or to just help him feel better for upsetting her, but, fine, since he wouldn't let her go, she would just leave him be, and stood there silent and stiff while musing on the things he had told her.

* 

"She won't tell me what happened," Katy said tiredly, as she dropped down beside Shawn on the couch, batting at his arms until he opened them so she could snuggle into his chest. "She said that nothing's wrong but I know my kid. I just don't know why she won't talk to me about what happened with her and Shane."

"Want me to try?" he offered, after pressing a kiss to her hair. "I think I handled the last conversation about boys really well."

"That you did," Katy praised, raising her head up enough to smile at him, "but I think we'll just leave her be for now. I used to clam up whenever my mama pushed me too much. Maya's the same. She'll be fine. I know she will be."

"Doesn't mean you'll stop worrying though, right?" Shawn guessed before chuckling lightly when she nodded.

"We've been through that," she reminded him starting to trace idle patterns on the sweater he wore, "we were teenagers once. I never wanted her to go through the angst I did."

Shawn sighed, the air rustling her baby hairs a little. "This is their first fight, right?"

"I think so," she answered. "But this isn't normal. Maya gets abrasive when she's fought with someone. She always has to be talked down. She doesn't just curl up in a ball and hug her pillow."

"Well this is her first fight with a boyfriend," Shawn allowed, "and even if she doesn't want to talk about it, we kind of know what it's about."

"I know," she agreed. "I just...being a good parent means letting her make the ultimate decisions for herself. We talked to her, helped her realise where her mind was at. Now it's up to her to follow through."

"And she will."

"But when?" Katy asked, as she shifted her position, batting and tugging at Shawn until he was fully lying on the couch with her on top of him, her chin resting on her palms to spare his chest from its pointiness. "Maya's too much like me in some ways you know," she sighed. "She doesn't trust people easily, she doesn't let people see who she really is, but when she does it's hard for her to let go even if it's clear the person isn't good for her long-term."

"And you think Shane needs to be let go?"

"I think they need to let go of each other," she admitted. "I didn't want to just go all out and tell her that she needs to break up with Shane; that's a decision she needs to come to on her own."

"Why should they break up?" Shawn asked. "I want to hear your reasoning."

"You mean besides the fact that she isn't interested in him?"

"Well yeah, besides that," he said, wrinkling his nose at her.

"I don't know," she said, briefly turning her head away from him. "I just...I don't like what I've been seeing. I feel like he's trying too hard for one. He's also possessive, and this early in a relationship, that's worrisome."

"Possessive? Ah, the whole Lucas thing."

"The whole Lucas thing," she agreed.

"Well in the boy's defence he isn't too wrong on that front," Shawn remarked. "There is something between them, even if Maya doesn't realise it."

"It's not that she doesn't realise it, Shawn. Maya just refuses to acknowledge it," Katy corrected. "I don't think you realise just how much hell she went through with that whole love-triangle. There's no way she'll ever want to find herself back in that situation which means that she'll never acknowledge what she feels for Lucas, not unless the circumstances are right."

"So you know she loves him."

"Who doesn't know she loves him?" she returned exasperatedly. "It just wasn't the right timing before. None of them were ready so I don't blame any of them for how they handled it. But they're older now, more mature, and I think that they're going to get it right this time around. Something just needs to get the ball rolling."

"What do you think it's going to be?"

"I don't know," she admitted, turning her head so that her cheek was now on his chest, finished, "and frankly that is what worries me."

Shawn didn't respond immediately, instead allowing his hands to trail up and down her back for a few minutes. Finally, he asked, "Is there anything else worrying you that you want to talk about?"

Katy tensed slightly against him, before turning her head back to face him. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked softly.

"Just what I asked," he returned with equal gentleness. "I know there's been something on your mind the past few days. I was just waiting to see if you'd talk about it on your own."

The woman sighed before burying hiding her head from view for a few minutes. Shawn was patient, just continuing his caress for the time it took her to face him again.

"Kermit wants to come back to New York to talk about this," she finally admitted.

"Us?"

"Everything," Katy said tiredly, as she sat up entirely and ran her hand through her hair. Despite the situation, the corner of Shawn's mouth twitched slightly. It was clear exactly where Maya had picked up that particular habit from. "I...I was wrong. I thought that he just needed some time to accept this but…"

"But what."

"He's such a hypocrite," Katy grated out, careful though to keep her voice low. "He didn't care about Maya when he left, he didn't care about Maya for all these years when I had to watch her send letter after letter, make phone call after phone call only for him to ignore her. But now that she actually has someone who can be a proper father to her, he won't sign over his rights?"

"What's his reasoning?" Shawn asked, trying to keep his temper in check.

"Just the same garbage as before. He isn't comfortable signing over his rights to a guy he's never met. What if you're some closet criminal? How dare I put Maya at risk like that?"

"I wonder if his wife's ex though the same thing when they got together?" he asked, darkly.

"I ended the call," Katy admitted. "I didn't want it to turn into a screaming match. Maybe I should have just let Topanga handle this after all. She was all for just triggering involuntary termination of his parental rights but I wanted to be diplomatic. Now if I can't get him to agree we're going to have to go to court and that's what I definitely do not want for Maya." She let out a frustrated sigh at that, but melted into Shawn's arms nonetheless when he pulled her to him so that she was now straddling his lap. She hugged him and buried her head in the crook of his neck.

"It won't come to that," Shawn promised her, holding her tightly. "We'll work something out."

"He's stubborn," she sighed, pulling back.

"So are you," Shawn responded. "And don't forget that the Queen of Stubbornness, Topanga Matthews is on our side here. Whenever you're ready just sic her on him."

She laughed at that before hugging him tightly. "I just want everything to be alright," she mumbled into his sweater. "I just want us all to be happy."

"We will be," Shawn reassured her. "Everything will be okay. I promise."

* 

Farkle paused to offer Maya his hand to help her in climbing the subway stairs. There weren't any proper railings at her stop (something he reminded himself to talk to his father about) and while he knew that years of experience had made Maya an expert at ascending and descending the stairs among throngs of people, it made him feel a bit better to have a comfortable grip on her. She hadn't even inquired as to why he of all people had been waiting outside the art room after school to walk her home. Indeed she had only given him a fondly exasperated look before hooking her arm in his. They hadn't really talked on the walk to the station, nor on the train, but now as he led them to the small cafe they had visited before he wondered if she would be willing to break the comfortable silence they had settled into.

He didn't try to talk to her immediately. Instead he waited until he had pulled out her chair and made sure that she was comfortably seated, went to the counter and returned with a tray with hot chocolate and a large basket of fries, half with ketchup, half with mayonnaise because Maya was weird that way. Maya shot him a speculative look, but it was only after she had snagged and chewed a few fries before she said, "What are you buttering me up for Farkle?"

He laughed at the suspicion in her voice. "I'm not buttering you up for anything, Maya. I just wanted to talk to you."

"About?" she asked, and while she strove to inject her tone with cheerfulness, Farkle could tell that it was forced. He didn't know why she bothered to try. He might not know her as well as Riley did, but he did know her long enough to be aware of all her mannerisms and ticks. Maya was hiding something from them, something big if her quietness and recent penchant to staring off into space was anything to go by, but he wasn't here to press her on that. He hadn't seen any obvious warning signs that would indicate that something was seriously wrong, and so he was willing to just leave her be until she was ready to share. It might be a little selfish of him, but truthfully, he had come to her mostly to talk about himself.

"I need your help, Maya," he said plainly.

"With your hair?" she chirruped.

"My hair is fine."

"Getting a bit long on top," she said with a grin, and, even though he knew she was teasing, he nevertheless ran a self-conscious hand through it.

"It's fine," he reiterated.

"Your bucktooth then. You really should get that fixed."

"My teeth are not bucked."

"There's no need to swear."

"I didn't," he protested. "I don't need any help with my face."

"I agree. There's nothing much we can do unless you're ready for plastic surgery."

"Now you're just being silly," he said exasperated, although he chuckled at that the mirthful laugh she let out at his response.

"I am," she agreed a few seconds later, taking up some more fries. "So if this isn't about your appearance, what are we dealing with? Someone harassing you? I'll help Huckleberry take them down."

"I don't have anymore bullies," he answered. "I just...I need help with...with life."

"Wow," Maya said then, as if sensing the seriousness to his tone. She sat up straighter, and looking at her, he knew that now he had her full attention. He had been almost reluctant to bring this up with her, but he didn't trust himself any longer. There was only so much science could do for him - something that she and Riley had pointed out to him several times in the past. Right now he needed an outside perspective, and Maya was the perfect person for the job. "Okay," Maya continued, her tone serious. "Hit me, what's this about?"

"Feelings," he supplied.

Maya's contorted her face briefly at that before she squared her shoulders. "Okay, feelings, got it. Are we dealing with your feelings or Smackle's?"

"My feelings," he answered, before actually realising what she had asked, shot her a wide-eyed look. "What do you mean Isadora's feelings?" he demanded. "What do you know?"

"What should I know?" she inquired, turning his question back around on him.

Farkle deflated instantly, sinking back into his chair. Maya turning his words back on him only meant one thing. What he had been observing was right. She was just giving him the opportunity to voice it himself without having her own words colour his thinking. "I think Smackle and Zay like each other," he said, finally giving voice to the thing that had been increasingly bothering him over the past few weeks. Having said it, it seemed as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It didn't make him feel better necessarily, but, after withholding that information for so long, it felt really good to let that bit of it go. He looked up, trying to gauge Maya's reaction, but there was none, not even a single ounce of surprise. "You knew."

Maya, to her credit, sounded suitably sympathetic when she spoke next. "I've had my suspicions," she answered. "It's been little things here and there, but...I knew."

"I don't know what to do," he admitted. "I mean I know what to do," he said quickly, "but...Smackle's still so new to all of this. I don't know how she'd react if I told her that she likes Zay."

"You wouldn't be telling her anything she doesn't already know," Maya pointed out.

"What?" he said, his jaw dropping. "Has she said something to you?"

"I've read between the lines," Maya admitted, before taking a sip of her drink. "You and Smackle may be two peas in a pod Farkle, but she's not as oblivious as you. You wouldn't be telling her something she doesn't know. Smackle knows that she feels something for Zay, even if she doesn't know exactly what that something is."

"And you never said something?"

"It's not my feelings to expose," she said mildly, and Farkle bent his head, accepting that belated reproach. He could admit now that he really had not taken Maya's feelings into consideration back then when he'd spilled Riley's secret. He had just not wanted Riley to be miserable anymore and exposing the truth had seemed the best way to do so at the time. Even now he would admit that he didn't feel remorse for what he had done - the truth had needed to be told - but maybe his approach should have been different.

"Maya, what am I supposed to do?" he asked her. "My girlfriend and my good friend like each other and...I don't know if I can trust him to take care of her."

"Wait," Maya said, staring at him. "This isn't about them liking each other? This is about you wondering if Zay is good enough for her?"

"I guess," he allowed, not entirely certain that her wording captured the situation fully, but it was a point of view he could work with. "Smackle is special, Maya, so special, and there are things about her that you guys still don't know, that Zay doesn't know. She has quirks, ticks, a lot of Smackle ways of doing things that takes getting used to. What if he can't handle that? What if he does something that upsets her and sets her back? Zay's well-meaning, but he's bound to get some things wrong."

"Like I'm sure you did in the beginning," Maya said plainly. "Farkle you've had what...two years to reach this point with Smackle? Zay hasn't had half that time, so is it fair of you to worry about his inexperience when the only advantage you've had over him is time to learn?"

"You have a point there," he acknowledged. She was right. He had an in-depth understanding of Isadora now, but it was only with her reminder that he recalled exactly how much work had gone into that. It hadn't been easy, for either him nor Isadora and he supposed that was why he was so wary now. He knew how hard it had been for Isadora to move past his mistakes whenever he had made it. It had taken her so long to grow comfortable with him; he didn't want her to have to go through the awkwardness of waiting for Zay to understand fully how he needed to interact with her in order to ensure that she was comfortable.

Except…

Thinking about it, Farkle couldn't help but recognise that things were proceeding considerably faster and more smoothly with the two of them than they'd ever had with him. He'd seen Zay touching her, sitting right next to her, even surprised her once by reaching out to flick at her nose when she hadn't been paying attention to him. And, on all of those occasions, whereas before, with him, Isadora would have shied away from such unplanned touches, she was fine, more than fine with Zay when it occurred. Indeed, more than once, he'd even seen Isadora initiate interactions with him, something that had taken her over a year with him to do. There was a clear difference in comfort between her and Zay than between her and him and, honestly that made him a bit jealous, but mostly curious as to why. Was there anything truly different between Zay and himself that would make her interactions with Zay so much easier? Was it something that Zay was doing that he wasn't, or was it just that it was Zay and some undefinable feature about him that gave him the advantage in this?

"Does feelings affect how you interact with people?" he asked, before continuing on, answering his own question, "of course it does. Pheromones can affect behavior."

"I don't know how much pheromones are involved in this," Maya said, amused in a way he didn't understand, "but relationships are like friendships with feelings, so yes Farkle, you interact differently with people you have feelings for."

"You know so much," he couldn't help but say.

"I know a lot of things," she said mildly, before, almost absentmindedly adding, "it's the application I have problems with."

Farkle paused, pondering if he should comment on what she had just said before deciding against it, for now. "Any of those things you learnt can help me out of this?" he asked instead.

"It depends on what it is you want to do, Farkle," Maya answered. "Smackle likes Zay. Zay likes Smackle."

"Smackle also likes me though," Farkle pointed out. "I don't think that's changed."

"How she likes you has," Maya amended, "or at least I hope it has or else, boys and girls, we're heading into Triangle Part II, Zayadorakle edition."

"Don't ever say that again," he said, unable to hold back his laughter.

She snickered at his response. "Seriously though Farkle, Smackle cares about you. That has not changed and I honestly don't think that it's possible for that to change. The way she feels about you though, yeah I think that's shifted, but it's not like you don't have experience with changing feelings yourself."

"You're right," he agreed, thinking briefly about it. "Smackle and I spent much of our initial interactions as arch-nemeses. I never reciprocated her feelings."

"Until you did one day," she agreed.

"So it is plausible for people's feelings to change. I have proof of that with myself."

"In more ways than one," she answered, her tone containing a slightly chagrined edge that had him looking at her curiously.

"What does that mean?"

"I have two questions for you, Farkle," she said, seemingly ignoring his inquiry, as she leant back entirely in her chair, "questions that I don't expect you to answer right now."

"Okay," he agreed despite his mild confusion. "What's the first one?"

"Are you sure Smackle's the only person that you've experienced changed feelings for?"

"Why would you ask that?" he asked her.

"I'm just putting the question out there," she reminded him airily before popping a fry into her mouth.

"Okay," he answered, knowing better than to push her on this because, despite the slight edge of impishness to her features, it was clear that she was being serious about this. "Your second question?"

"Why are you talking about your love troubles with me here instead of at the bay window with Riley?

He had no answer for that.

* 

"What the hell is up with you and Shane by the way?" Liam asked, as he bounced back into the art room after a bathroom break.

Thursdays promised to be her favourite weekday of this semester. It was as if all the schedule-gods had come together to give her the perfect, non-stressful day. She started off the day with Photography and then Music. After break, she had Drawing with Liam right before a free period the both of them shared. And since Mr. Jackson also didn't have a class to teach in that period, the room was theirs for the picking. Thursdays promised to be a heavenly day.

"What do you mean?" Maya asked guardedly, looking up from the face outline she was working on. They'd be focussing on that for the next two weeks, but Maya had already started on her second face, itching to improve her skills at a fast enough rate so she could produce something at the level of the breath-taking portrait of his daughter that Mr. Jackson had created.

"That flower you're wearing," he said, pointing at the paper carnation that Shane had tucked behind her ear that morning. "That's like the fourth one he's given you this week right?"

"Yes," she confirmed, reaching up to briefly touch it. She had to admit she was mildly impressed. Shane was terrible at art and yet had gone out of his way to have made these for her as a continued apology. It wasn't necessary. She had already told him that everything was fine between them and she didn't hold what he had said against him (although a part of her kept whispering a variation of the saying that what people said in the heat of the moment was almost always what they really thought). It wasn't worth holding a grudge against him. It wasn't as if his words had come out of the blue. She had given him good reason to say it even if it had hurt. She was still processing what he had said. With his words ringing through her head relentlessly she had committed it all to paper and read it often in her quiet moments, trying, and sadly finding the truth to his words. "We had a bit of a falling out," she admitted.

"And this is him trying to work his way out of the dog house?" Liam said with a scoff as he sat down across from her. "Please, I wouldn't give Alex the time of day without at least a dinner date."

"We're going out tomorrow night," she responded.

"Can you try that again with some enthusiasm?" Liam joked, "that's tone is the same I use to talk about a dentist appointment. You still mad at him or something?"

"Or something," she answered, offering him half a smile. "I'm sorry, Liam. I don't really want to get into it okay? We had some words, he apologised, I accepted."

"It's still bothering you though," he pointed out. "Zay asked me if I knew what was up since he said you wouldn't tell Riley anything."

"Because there's nothing to say," she answered. "And why are you and Zay talking about me?"

"Because I need to get my information from somewhere," he drawled. "Dylan hasn't breathed a word of anything interesting to Emily lately so that eliminates my main source of ammo against you."

"Dissecting and insulting my life's choices shouldn't be your favourite pastime, you know," she grumbled.

"Well it's a hell of a lot better than dwelling on the tragedy that is mine."

"What?" she said, zeroing in on that, because, beneath the cheeriness of his tone, she could see hints of the truth beneath. "Something's happened?"

"I didn't say a thing," Liam said quickly, ducking his head before instantly becoming fascinated with his own nearly half complete sketch.

Maya huffed. He'd never allow such a blatant tactic to be used on himself, but somehow, he assumed she'd let it work on her. She reached across the table and grabbed his tee-shirt, tugging on it until he gave in to the rough treatment and looked up at her. "What is it?" she asked, her voice tender in comparison to the rough hold she had on him. "You wouldn't have brought it up if you didn't want me to ask, That. Talk to me."

"The sincerity would work better if you weren't calling me that horrible name," he grumbled even though he did straighten back up.

"You know you like it," she quipped releasing him. "What is it? Did something happen with your mother?"

Liam sighed deeply and started to drum his fingers against the desk. Looking at her, he said, "It's going to go to court. Uncle Jake says that there's no talking her down. She wants me back and that's that. Uncle Jake's lawyer even point joint custody on the table, but it's all or nothing for her."

"I'm so sorry," she replied. "You hadn't mentioned it since the last time. I thought everything was going fine."

"I didn't know anything until yesterday," he responded, "and that's only because I wanted a midnight snack when him and Aunt Casey were discussing it in the kitchen. They said that me knowing what's happening is just going to make me worry unnecessarily and that I shouldn't think about it, that everything will be fine."

"But they thought that when she first filed, right?" Maya asked. "They didn't think that anything would come out of it."

"Exactly," he said, his voice growing strained with emotion. "They thought it was stupid, that no lawyer worth their salt would take the case but they were wrong. What if it ends up before a judge who's just as dumb? What if I have to go back with her?"

"You won't," Maya said fervently. "Liam she hurt you. She cut you. All you have to do is roll up your sleeve and a judge would have to be mad to send you back to her."

"You don't know that for sure."

And that was the sad truth. She really did not know, and neither was she the type to make false platitudes.

"We could hope," she offered.

"Isn't 'hope is for suckers' your mantra?"

She had no response to that. "Liam," she said instead, and reached over the table again, though this time to cover his hand with hers, "I...there must be something we can do?"

"Pack a bag so I can run away?" he asked with a self-depreciating laugh. "That sounds like the best solution. She can't fight for me if I'm not here."

"That's not funny," she responded calmly.

"Only because you know you'd miss me too much."

And there he was trying to change the situation around, she thought sadly. Liam was never expressive for too long. He always gave just enough to take the edge off his own worry, but never enough to signal that he strongly desired help. For a moment she considered pushing back, forcing him to speak more, but truthfully, what good would that do? Nothing much, especially if Liam wasn't ready to talk. And so, although she hated it, she simply sighed and sank back into her seat, watching him.

"Quite a pair we make, huh?" he asked after a long moment. "Forever in a crisis or tragedy."

"That's what makes life interesting," she joked and was gratified when he chuckled.

"You really don't want to tell me what's really going on with you and Shane?" he asked.

"I'll tell you when you tell me what you're really feeling about your mother," she bargained.

"That is in no way an equivalent exchange," he pointed out, looking affronted.

She chuckled at that. "Don't try to change the topic using my life problems then."

"So you're admitting there are problems?"

"When are there not?"

"With Shane?"

"Shut up."

"It is with him, then," he said with a small smirk. "Sure you don't want to discuss it?"

She glared at him in response. "Don't make me beat you," she threatened.

"Violence is never the answer," he cooed.

She growled, and half-wished they were painting so that she could have dumped her tray over his head. She settled for the next best thing, once again leaning over the table to grab at him. Much to her displeasure, he only laughed in her face, causing her to let out a frustrated growl.

"Do you two ever not fight?"

Maya froze at Lucas's amused voice. They both looked to the door to see him there with Zay who sported a large grin. "Huckleberry," she said surprised, her grip slackening enough for Liam to free himself.

"Maya," he returned in like, offering her a small smile.

"What are you guys doing here?" Liam asked curiously. "Don't you have class?"

"Class is over dude," Zay answered, walking over to where he was to look at what he had been doing. "Cool!"

"What are you doing here?" Maya asked, as she stood and awkwardly brushed her hands over her clothes.

"Apparently stopping you from abusing Liam."

"The abuse I suffer," Liam said with a fake sob, covering his face with his hands.

"I'll show you abuse," Maya threatened, momentarily forgetting about Lucas.

"Okay, come here you," Lucas bid, crooking a finger at her when she looked at him.

Maya glowered at Liam for a moment longer before walking to where Lucas was, not exactly meeting his gaze. It'd been a hard week for her, in more ways than one. She'd redoubled her efforts to avoid being anywhere in Lucas' vicinity while they were in school, and honestly, when they were outside of it as well. She couldn't help but recall Shane's accusations whenever she was with him, and it left her with an uncomfortable squirm in her stomach as she worried whether she was indeed embodying her father's actions with Lucas.

He grasped her arms, his usual habit. She winced at that, but hoped that he would not have recognised her reflective action. Shane had been the last person to grasp her so; that gesture didn't have that much of a positive correlation with her anymore and she found herself instinctively looking up to confirm it was Lucas in front of her before she could relax.

"What was that?" he asked perplexed, and she cursed herself.

"Why are you guys here?" she asked in return, striving for normalcy.

"They probably smelt your angst from here," Liam joked. "Hey, did you tell-"

"Die," Maya snapped, turning to glare at him with a ferocity that caused even him to stop.

"Damn," Zay intoned, taking a step back, "she really likes you man. Only friends get death threats."

"You're next," she said sparing him a glance.

"Okay, let's not threaten our friends," Lucas said placatingly before wrapping one of his arms against her middle and pulling her back against him. An almost electric jolt went through her as he pulled her back against him and she found herself tilting her head back to steer at him, her eyes wide at her body's response. He shot her a questioning look in return and Maya, swallowing deeply, pinched at his arm, the surprise attack enough for him to release her, allowing her to put some much needed space between them. Why exactly had that one stupid action on Lucas' part drawn such a strong reaction from her? Maybe she really was her father.

"You said you came to get us?" she asked gruffly, pretending as if there was absolutely nothing abnormal about her reaction.

"Yeah," Zay answered after a beat because Lucas, when she looked at him was doing nothing but staring at her contemplatively. Were she someone with the tendency to blush at the drop of a hat she would be now, she acknowledged, due to the intensity of his gaze. Instead, she forced herself to ignore his perusal and focussed on what Zay was saying. "...thinking that there really ain't no reason for you to hold yourself up in here every lunchtime. There ain't no one you need to hide from...right?"

"No," Liam answered, a bit sheepishly. "I just...like it in here. It's less awkward."

Maya could sense Liam's reluctance to continue and she honed in on that, putting aside her thoughts and...reactions for now. She'd only broached the subject once with him, long after the threat of Adams had passed. Liam had been away from the cafeteria - away from crowded, public places for so long that he was reluctant to return to it. It was a lot bigger in his mind probably, but she knew that he feared becoming the centre of attention once he returned to the lunchroom. Plus, he didn't want to feel like such a loser who needed to sit with his cousin and her friends or with Maya and her bunch because, frankly, he didn't have anyone he considered to be a friend by any stretch of the definition in his own year. The art room was a safe space, one that he had created for himself and had welcomed her into. The cafeteria was beyond his control and so he wanted to avoid it.

She knew that he'd never admit that to Lucas, and perhaps even Zay although, ever since that revealing conversation between them in the previous semester, the two spoke to each other a lot, and had a while now, exchanged phone numbers. And so, on his behalf, she shot Lucas a slightly pleading look, silently asking him to not press for further details.

Thankfully, he seemed to understand her plea because he turned to Liam, and with that easy smile of his said, "We just figured that maybe you guys wouldn't mind giving up here for a day or two a week to eat lunch with us. It doesn't have to be in the cafeteria. I'm pretty sure Riley can sweet-talk her dad into letting us use his classroom."

"Oh...well that doesn't seem too bad," Liam allowed, after contemplating what he had said. "You guys wouldn't mind me there?"

"Of course we won't," Zay responded. "It'll be fun."

"Mr. J would miss us though," he hedged then, glancing at her.

"I don't think he'd mind," Maya told him, knowing fully well how much of an understatement that was. Mr. Jackson would be ecstatic to have his classroom empty. After all, it would mean that there wasn't students in there who felt as if they had nowhere else to be.

Liam nodded slowly at that, realising that there really wasn't any other logical argument he could proffer to counter the offer. "Well...I guess we can try it today," he allowed. "But if you guys are too rowdy, I'm not coming back," he warned.

"You're warning us about being rowdy?" Zay asked, amused. "Come on. Let me help you pack away this stuff."

"Thanks," he replied. "I don't think I feel safe with Maya near me right now."

Maya rolled her eyes at that, but didn't respond, instead turning to look at Lucas. "What's this really about?" she asked.

"We figured that it'd be good for him," Lucas answered.

"Figured it'd be good for him," Lucas said easily. "I know why you two like in here so much, but I also know you wouldn't be in here every day if it wasn't for him. So this is a happy middle, no? He gets some out-the-art-room interactions and we get to see a little more of you."

"Is Riley missing me?" she asked, quirking her mouth slightly.

"Not her alone," Lucas admitting, his voice lowering briefly, before more seriously, he asked, "what was that before Maya?"

Of course he wouldn't have forgotten. "You just startled me, is all," she mumbled in response.

"Want to try that again with the truth?" he asked simply, raising an eyebrow. "We've been over this before. You're a terrible liar."

"I'm not," she tried before sighing when Lucas just shot her a level look. "It's nothing bad," she said, "and I really don't want to talk about this, okay?"

"Maya-"

"No," she interrupted firmly, before saying more quietly, "not now? I promise I'm fine."

"You're not," Lucas contradicted. "You haven't been all week."

"Lucas-"

"I won't press you on it," he told her, "but I just want you to know that I know something's wrong."

"Okay," she answered simply, completely grateful when, seconds later, Liam tugged at her braid, announcing (far too loudly) in her ear that he was hungry and would they please finish their conversation later. For once she was grateful for his abrasiveness and gladly allowed him to lead the way out of the classroom, Lucas a silent but steady presence at her side. She enjoyed the nearly five minutes-walk to the cafeteria, because it gave her the pleasure of his company, but she was careful to, once they were inside, to put both Liam and Zay between them and then to sit with Riley and Smackle on either side of her.

After all, there was no need to disrupt the peace she and Shane had settled into.


	46. Chapter 46

Riley needed Maya and she needed her now. She had to talk to her because she had no idea why this was happening. How could somebody not like her? She was Riley Matthews, the epitome of everything good and wonderful in the world and someone had had the nerve to say that they didn't want to be her friend. It was absolutely preposterous and she would not stand for it. She would get Maya to help her work out a game plan to rectify this situation as soon as possible. Chai would be her friend if it was the last thing she did!

Lifting her chin higher at that last thought, Riley rounded the corner that led to the art room, only to slow her rapid pace. There was someone else there, standing outside of the art room looking in. She'd never seen her before, but her being there wasn't in itself too surprising. She herself stopped to look in ever so often to marvel at the things being produced. Of course she would always think that whoever was working's designs would look a lot better with a splash of purple, but, putting aside that, usually it was a relaxing sight to just observe people working, more so if it were Maya.

After a moment, she smiled brightly. This was a sign! Life was giving her a do-over right now, because she seriously doubted that a second person could be as unreasonable as Chair. Besides, anyone with green hair – albeit faded – had to be a fun, adventurous person, and that was exactly the kind of person she could be good friends with.

"Hello!" she said brightly, bouncing over to where the other teenager was.

Her good cheer though immediately faded when the other teenager shot her an irritated look.

"What the hell do you want?" she asked, and Riley felt slightly uncomfortable at the clear disgust she could discern from her tone. Yeah, maybe this wasn't her day.

"I-I just wanted to introduce myself," she answered, her tone considerably more subdued. "My name is Riley Matthews. I thought we could be friends."

"Well you thought wrong," she snapped, giving her a cold look. "Go away."

"Do you like art?" Riley ask as the teenager turned back to the classroom. Maybe she was acting this way because she was disturbing her from her perusal? That she could understand. There were times when she had had no choice but to just let Maya be when she was focussing on something until she was done, otherwise her friend would swiftly grow irritated with her and assign her some miscellaneous (but almost always enjoyable) task to complete. "You can go in if you want," she told her. "No one will mind. Mr. Jackson is really nice and Maya-"

"Would you shut up?"

"You're not a very nice person," Riley said mildly. "Maya wouldn't like you."

The other teenager focussed on her again, a sudden look of interest on her face. "You know her?" she said gesturing to the room.

"She's my best friend," she answered, her expression growing fond as she thought about Maya.

"That's good to know."

"Do you want to be Maya's friend?" she asked. "I can introduce you if you want."

"We've already met," she answered, an undercurrent of something in her voice that struck Riley as being odd. She couldn't quite understand what was off about it though.

"What's your name?"

"That's none of your business," she answered, as she stuffed her hands into her back pockets. "Anyway, nice to meet you, Riley Matthews," she said, something resembling a smirk playing on her lips. "I'll see you around."

"Have a good day," Riley called after her, uncertainly. It felt as if something had just happened there, something she didn't understand. She stared after the girl until she had disappeared from sight, her brows furrowed before, with a swift shake of her head to rid herself of the feeling, Riley walked to the spot she had vacated and looked in, smiling softly when she saw Maya. She was oblivious to the world, she noted, her posture relaxed as her hand moved gracefully up and down the page. It was an amazing thing to witness, really. There were very few things that could keep Maya still and occupied long term. Quietly she opened the door, not wanting to startle her, but, in the silence of the art room, Maya heard the soft click and looked up curiously.

"Hey you," she said softly, setting her pencil down.

"Hey," she replied, closing the door. "You busy?"

"Not anymore," she joked. "What's the matter honey?"

Riley walked to her to hug her from behind, happy when she heard Maya hum happily at the gesture. She didn't answer her question immediately. Instead, she peered over her shoulder at the sketchpad, studying the row of faces Maya was working on. "That one looks like Lucas," she noted, pointing to the one in the centre of the page.

"That's deliberate," she answered softly. "If it isn't good I can just draw a cowboy hat over it and it'd be fine."

Riley snickered at that. Maya would never not tease Lucas, she acknowledged ruefully. "There was a girl outside," she said after a moment. "She's mean and I don't like her."

"What girl?" Maya asked, confused, as she looked towards the door as if that alone would cause her to materialise once again.

"She didn't tell me her name," Riley said, shrugging, as she dropped down onto the seat next to hers. "She has green hair if that helps."

Maya tensed at that, causing Riley to frown. "You know her?"

"Did she say anything to you?" Maya asked, her tone serious as she studied her.

"Nothing of note," Riley answered, thinking back. "Is something wrong?"

"Are you sure, Riley?"

"I am," she confirmed. "What's wrong?"

Maya turned thoughtful for a moment before she shook her head, offering her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it. She's just someone I'd forgotten about. Now tells me, what brings you to my humble abode?"

"I wanted to talk to you," she answered, before, only now realising something, asked, "Where's Liam?"

"Sleeping over there," she answered, pointing to the far corner of the classroom. Leaning forward Riley say that he had turned a pile of aprons into a pillow and was curled up on the floor sleeping.

"Wouldn't the sick bay have been more comfortable?" Riley asked, "not to mention cleaner?"

"A few germs never killed anyone," Maya answered dismissively. "Besides, he just wanted to nap for a bit. He hasn't been sleeping too well the past few days. Now, answer me. I know you didn't just come here to hang out with me. What's wrong?"

"Someone doesn't like me!" Riley said with a pout, recalling her initial grouse.

"Someone doesn't like me!" Riley said with a pout.

"Who?" Maya asked, her tone slightly incredulous.

"Chai," she grumbled. "I wanted to make a new friend and she said no."

The corner of Maya's mouth quirked at that. "Honey, who's Chai?"

"A girl in the corridor," Riley answered. "She has good taste in clothing."

"So you decided to be her friend?" Maya asked, and Riley scowled. Why was Maya acting as if she had said something funny?

"I did. It's always nice to make new friends. She told me she didn't like me, Maya!"

"What did you tell her for her to say that to you?"

"Hi. My name is Riley Matthews. Will you be my friend?" she quoted, using her brightest and most cheerful voice.

"You know that only works in kindergarten, right?" Maya remarked and Riley frowned as Maya turned her head to hide her smile.

"This isn't funny, Maya. I want her to be my friend."

"You can't force her to," Maya responded. "Riley, I'm sorry, honey, but we're in highschool now. Not everyone is going to like you. It's the way it works now. There are some people you'll just wave at in the halls, others you'll talk about nothing important with and others you'll hate just because you can."

"Why would I do that?"

"You're a teenager. That's reason enough?"

"That's not a good reason," she answered.

"That's just how the world works, I'm afraid."

"I don't like it."

"You don't have to like it," Maya said, adopting a lecturing tone, "but it's something you'll just have to accept."

"But I'm completely likeable," she protested. "How could someone not like me?"

"I don't like you," Liam said sleepily, from his spot across the room.

"He doesn't mean that," Maya contradicted immediately.

"You don't speak for me," Liam responded with a yawn.

"Why don't you like me?" Riley demanded, moving so that she could look at him.

Liam rolled over onto his side, cracking his eye the slightest. "I don't feel like liking you," he answered. "That's all the reason I need. Now will you guys shut up and let me sleep?"

"Be nice, Liam."

"Being nice is why she's got her panties in knots about a random nobody not liking her," he replied. "Stop babying her. Oh go ahead actually if you want," he added. "I'm just the guy trying to sleep. Pay be no heed."

"Don't talk about my underwear!"

"It was a metaphor, darling," he drawled, yawning again. "The fact that you don't know that gives me even more reason not to like you."

"Well if you don't like me then I'm not going to like you either," she declared.

"You've broken my heart," he deadpanned, even as he closed his eyes once again. "Wake me up when December ends, blondie."

"It's January," Riley said, shooting Maya a confused look.

She chuckled at that. "It's a song Riles. Anyway, forget about Chai and anybody else who doesn't like you," she bid. "I like you. That's all that matters."

"Well just marry each other and put us all out of this misery."

"Hush and sleep, that."

"Only because I want to."

"You guys fight a lot," she noted.

"It's who we are," Maya answered with a shrug. "So are we cool now? No more caring about non-relevant people who may or may not like you?"

"We are not," Riley said after a moment's thought. "I want everyone to like me, starting with Chai."

"Well can't say I didn't try," Maya muttered with a sigh. "Is there anything else wrong in Riley Town that I can actually help you with, honey? Because making people like you isn't really my forte."

Riley thought for a moment before nodding, raising up her hand to stroke at her chin. After a moment she thought of something. "Actually, since you mention it, there is."

Except, even with Maya's help that also backfired royally.

* 

This could not be happening, Riley thought as she raised her head to confirm that yes, that was her father standing there looking as uncomfortable as she felt. All she had wanted was a nice, gentle, understanding teacher to educate her about her body and all the changes occurring that went beyond that seventh grade lecture about puberty and periods. The boy's gym teacher had definitely been wrong choice for the class. His previous lecture on diabetes had left her afraid of sugar for a week and so, she refused to have such an experience for such a personal topic. And so, she had asked her father to intervene. A different teacher, in her summation, would definitely have a gentler approach to the matter. Ideally, she would have loved her wonderful, soft spoken, biology teacher who looked and acted as if she were an angel stolen from heaven to serve mere mortals to have dealt with the topic.

Instead, she had gotten her father.

"Come on, Mr. Matthews," she head Darby say, her voice dripping with amusement. "Class was supposed to start five minutes ago. This is a really important topic."

"No it isn't!" her father blustered. "There isn't anything that you kids need to know because you're kids, kids I tell you! The only thing you need to know is that the body needs soup, lots and lots of soup to keep it healthy. So drink soup three times a day and everything will be just great."

"That clearly isn't right," she responded dryly.

Riley groaned, and was about to beg Darby to please not make this any difficult when, just beyond the classroom, she heard Maya's loud call of "Wait!" the word elongated as she barrelled into the room, a broad grin on her face.

"What did I miss?" she demanded, breathless, even as she dropped down into the free seat besides Lucas. "Has he started yet?"

"What are you doing here?" her father demanded, even as Riley spun around to stare accusingly at her.

"You knew?" she demanded.

"Heard about it during break," Maya told her, entirely unrepentant. "The body, Matthews," she declared, slamming her hands onto the desk. "This is your moment to shine. Finally I get to see what you know."

"Maya you don't have this class now," her father declared, pointing his finger at her. "Get back to Biology!"

"Awww, you know my schedule," she cooed.

"Of course I do," he answered, as if she were silly to have assumed otherwise. Then, remembering himself, he put a scowl back onto his face. "Out! This isn't your class."

"Sorry Matthews, no can do," she said airily. "There was an accident in the chemistry lab. Some dumb sophomore mixed a bunch of chemicals together and the entire wing reeks now. We had no choice but to evacuate."

"What?!" Farkle and Smackle yelled simultaneously, turning to stare at her with frantic eyes.

"Relax, ya nerds," Maya snorted. "The smell should be gone by lunch. You'll get to play around in there to your little hearts' content this afternoon like usual."

"That doesn't mean you should be here, Maya."

"Give it up, chump," Maya told him. "I don't have a class anymore and unless you want to explain why you kicked a poor lil ole freshman so desperate to learn something that she'd sit in on a class she isn't even in out, you're stuck with me."

"You're evil," he declared.

"And you're wasting time. Come on Matthews, talk. I have so many questions about the body," she finished with a wicked grin.

"Yo, he started yet?"

Riley looked away from Maya to Liam as he skipped into the room, a similarly evil grin on his face to Maya's. "Shove over," he directed as he made to sit beside Maya.

"I was here first!"

"Your butt ain't that big, blondie" he returned. "Move or I'm sitting on you."

"There's a free seat right over there," she shot back, pointing over to the next side of the classroom.

"Learn to share," he snapped.

Riley watched as Maya growled and smacked at him, but the sophomore was relentless. Maya huffed in irritation but finally scooted over enough so that they could both comfortably share a seat.

"Wait, you definitely don't belong here," Cory said, stomping over. "Who are you? Actually I don't care who you are. Get out, and take Maya with you."

"Well that's rude," Liam said plainly. "I'd say you've hurt my feelings but I hardly have any."

"True that," Maya agreed. "The body Matthews!" hitting the desk again.

"Here, here!" Liam agreed, mimicking her gesture. "Let's see if you're better at this than the coach."

"Who are you?" her dad demanded again.

"I am but a lowly dumb sophomore," he chirruped.

"You!" Smackle hissed while Farkle turned to level a similarly livid glare at him.

"Yeouch," he said, shrinking back slightly at the pure ferocity of their stares. "You were right, blondie. Those two are a sensitive bunch."

"I did warn you," she said with a shrug. "How much trouble did you get in by the way?" she asked conversationally.

"Puh-lease," he declared. "After I started to sob about how sorry I was because I'm just no good at Chemistry and I promised my guardians that I'd try so much harder this semester and we're barely in the third week and I'm already failing them? She handed me a tissue and sent me on my way."

"Wait, you're Liam?" her dad asked.

"In the flesh," he answered. "Now, are you going to talk about sex or what?"

Farkle choked at that, causing her to shoot him a worried look.

"What?" Liam said, glancing at him. "You do realise that's what this class is about, right? No? Dang, they really need to stop using euphemisms in here."

"You are turning very red, Farkle," Smackle noted calmly.

"If he's embarrassed just hearing the S word, what's he going to do when you guys get to page 73? There's diagrams."

"That," Maya said casually, pointing towards Farkle as he slumped over after making a strangled sound.

"Um, is no one going to help him?"

"Nope," she answered. "Sex talk breaks him. He'll be like that for a while."

"He's gonna die a virgin then," Liam said sadly.

"That's not a bad thing!" her father declared. "Virgins are great!"

"Kinky."

Her father let out a horrified sound at that, his head whipping back and forth between the two of them. "Wait a minute," he asked, settling on Maya, "out of everyone in this school, you had to go make friends with male-you?"

"Male, what?" Maya asked, confused.

"Awww," Liam cooed from beside her, "He thinks we're the same, blondie."

"We are not."

"Obviously, I'm much better looking."

"Exactly what do you drink?"

"The blood of my enemies."

"Cult," Maya deadpanned.

"Oye!" Brad called out, redirecting their attention to him. "This is swell and all but I really want to hear about sex, okay?"

"Don't say that word!"

"Daddy," Riley said turning to look at him. "Are we really going to talk about sex?"

"No!" he half-shouted, his face changing colours rapidly. "The only thing we're going to talk about is soup and how good it is."

"Soup is great," Liam said lecherously. "I prefer mines thick, hot and spicy."

Besides them Lucas choked back a laugh, causing Liam to look at him speculatively for a moment before smirking. "This guy knows what I'm talking about!"

"Leave me out of this," he begged with a strangled laugh.

"Mr. Matthews, if you really aren't comfortable with teaching the class I will do it," Smackle volunteered.

Riley turned in her direction, only now realising that she had gotten up and had lifted Farkle back into a sitting position. She was idly tapping on his cheek as she talked, and it seemed to be working because shortly, Farkle opened his eyes, looking about him confused.

"Would you?" her father asked, sounding awfully relieved.

"It is no burden," she confirmed with a nod. "I am quite knowledgeable on the subject."

Lucas, Maya and Liam broke down into laughter at that, and even Zay, who had been passively observing what was happening snorted at that, as did some of their classmates.

"Well I guess he's not such a virgin after all, huh?" Liam said then, shooting Farkle a contemplative look, and yup, within three seconds Farkle had slumped over again.

"Farkle is untouched," Smackle said, her tone entirely conversational as she walked to the head of the class.

"Oh god, make it stop," Yogi begged.

"This is as glorious as I expected it to be," Darby snickered. "Thanks for coming, Maya."

"Thanks for the head's up," she returned.

What followed next, in Riley's opinion, was the most confusing and frankly disgusting thing she had ever heard about before. Some parts just didn't seemed wrong and she was almost tempted to interrupt Smackle to ask, before deciding that she was better off not knowing. And then...then Smackle continued and suddenly Riley wished that a hole would just open up and swallow her because that could not be possible, it just couldn't be. There was no way her body actually do that, and why would she ever want it to?

Finally, just when Smackle started to talk about alternative ways that people could be friendly with their bodies, Riley lost it. "This can't be real," she blurted out, completely horrified.

Her words set off a next chain reaction. Maya laughed, actually broke down into the long, chortling laugh of hers that went on for minutes and usually left her sprawled out on the floor. Besides her, Liam seemed as if he had transcended into heaven. "You were right," he said to Maya, his voice trembling with mirth. "This is the best class ever."

His words only served to send Maya, who had just managed to control herself into a next bale of laughter. Dismissing them both, she turned to Lucas and Zay. Zay seemed horrified and yet...fascinated, while Lucas, Lucas was biting down hard on his lip as if that was the only thing saving him from following Maya into laughter.

"Lucas?" she said plaintively.

He snickered at her call and raised a hand to his mouth to stop his reaction. "Yes, Riley?" he asked after a moment, his voice strained from the effort to speak normally.

"This is a joke right?"

"Oh god," Maya gasped out, laughing again.

"I think you can join Mr. Unconscious here in virgindom, Riley" Liam said, chuckling.

"Don't tease her," Maya said, even as she wiped tears from her eye.

"She's making it too easy," Liam complained. "Riley, you've kissed people. Haven't you ever wanted to do...more?"

"Stop perverting my child!" her father shrieked, hurrying over. "She's never kissed nobody. She's never going to kiss nobody. She's going to die kissing nobody!"

"Dude, I said kissing not f-"

"Get out!" her dad roared and, yup, Maya had now slid off her seat to the ground, a chuckling Lucas reaching out to grab her so she didn't hit any part of her too hard.

Liam pointedly ignored her glowering father and looked at Lucas. "Bud, she's your girlfriend, right? I hope you and Pamela have fun in the years to come."

Lucas snorted at that, but didn't bother to answer, too busy trying to manage Maya who had just about curled in on herself laughing.

"Pamela, who's Pamela?" Riley asked confused. "I've never met her."

"She's a guy's best friend," he said, with an evil grin, waving his right hand around in a way that had her frowning. "Girls' too as well, I imagine. I personally call mines Paul, but that's my preference."

"Dude, are you talking about…?" Brad squeaked out from across the room.

"Hey dude, if you don't want to name your hand that's up to you but…"

"Get out!" her father shrieked, actually making a lunge for Liam who scrambled up and away.

"How the hell did you end up with two children?" Liam demanded. "Riley, you sure you're not adopted?"

"Out!" her father screeched and started to chase Liam who laughed and ran out the classroom the man close on his heels.

* 

"There you are!" Liam said cheerily, after the bell for the period rang and they poured out of the classroom, Farkle looking considerably worse for wear.

"Where's my dad?" Riley asked, looking down the corridor he had come from. "He never came back to class."

"He's around," Liam said vaguely before wrapping his arm around her shoulders. Maya rolled her eyes and that and flicked his arm off.

"You've caused quite enough chaos today," she told him.

"As if you mind," he scoffed. "Yo, Smackle, Coach always leaves bananas and peaches in his desk for these classes. Did you use them to finish the lecture?"

"I did not find a visual aid necessary," she answered him, adjusting her glasses.

"Wait," Zay said. "I get the bananas...what are the peaches for?"

Maya groaned at Zay's question because, while it was quite an innocent one, the cheshire grin that spread on Liam's face spoke of trouble. "Dude, seriously, you're asking that?"

"Yeah."

"Man, watch some porn will ya? Turn a peach sideways and it looks exactly like a-"

"Don't you dare finish that," Maya snapped, and stomped down on his foot for good measure, not feeling an ounce of remorse when he yelped.

"What the hell, blondie?" he demanded, his voice pained.

"You are not ruining that word for me," she declared.

"That's Riley's nickname for Maya," Lucas further explained.

"Oh so you're Riley's- yeouch!" he yelped, as Maya assaulted him again. "A little help here?" he demanded.

"You deserve whatever you get for that one," Lucas said mildly.

"I need better friends," Liam grumbled, before turning his attention to Smackle who had been dabbing at Farkle's forehead with a handkerchief. "Yo, Ms. Genius," he said, "how about we ditch these suckers and go conquer the world?"

"You are speaking to me?" Smackle inquired, looking over her shoulder at him.

"Yeah, unless you rather a different name?"

"Like?"

"Ms. Cute Genius?" he offered with a wink.

"Oh come on," Maya groaned, even as Smackle frowned slightly for a moment, before spinning away from Farkle to give him a reproachful look. "Don't flirt with me in front of-"

Maya waited, prepared to enjoy how Liam reacted to Smackle's little routine of chastisement. Except...Smackle got no further than that. For the first time ever, Maya was privy to seeing Smackle speechless. She looked flustered for a moment, as if trying to decide exactly whose name she should be saying before she dropped her accusatory hand back to her side.

"Wow," Maya breathed out.

"You okay, Smackle?" Riley asked worriedly.

"I am fine," she answered, though her tone sounded slightly wooden.

She was confused, Maya realised, seriously confused, and after the conversation she and Farkle had shared… "Sleepover," she declared, causing them all to look at her. "This Friday. We got things to discuss."

Thankfully it only took Smackle a second to make the connection to what she was saying. "I have not reached my conclusions."

"Don't think that matters at this point," Maya answered her. "We're doing it!"

"Without me?" Riley protested. "I want to sleep over with Smackle too!"

Maya twisted her mouth at that, wondering if Riley really had a place in this particular sleep-over given what she planned to discuss. Smackle though beat her to a response. "We can position pillows so she does not hit her head when she faints?" she offered.

"That's good enough for me then," Maya agreed.

"Would it be too much if I pervert this?" Liam asked.

"Yes," they all intoned loudly, causing him to pout and fold his arms.

"You guys are mean," he complained. "I'm going to-"

"You!" They all looked behind them as Matthews stalked up the hall, looking particularly dishevelled. "Come here!" he instructed, gesturing towards Liam.

"Guess he got out of the closet then," Liam said as he quickly took off, running in the opposite direction of the man. "Later losers!"

"I concur with Riley's father," Smackle said mildly as the teacher barrelled past them after him. "Maya, you two are the same."

* 

"I wonder how the girls are doing," Topanga mused aloud as she unlocked the apartment door, moving aside so that Katy could step in before her. "This sleepover isn't just for fun and games."

"I know," Katy replied as she shrugged out of her coat. "Might I add, I'm also glad I gave the birds and bees talk to Maya years ago because Cory did not do a good job."

"Of that I'm painfully aware," Topanga agreed with a sigh. "Riley was...confused to say the least."

"Maya described it as her being horrified."

"I'm trying to be kind, here," Topanga answered ruefully. "Although I guess I should be glad that I won't have to worry about getting her contraceptives for a few years more."

Katy snickered at that. "I'll cross that hurdle with Maya when we get there," she said. "Should we check on them?"

"We should," Topanga said, "otherwise it's going to be pretty hard to justify bringing home a gallon of ice-cream."

"As if we couldn't polish that off ourselves," Katy scoffed even as she headed to the kitchen area to start putting together a tray of glasses and spoons.

"Oh that we could do," Topanga agreed. "It's the brownies and potato chips we got as well that would push us over the edge of propriety."

Katy chuckled at that, before saying, "I wonder how Smackle's doing."

"Hopefully okay," she replied. "I spoke to her mother about how we could help make her comfortable. It's why I'm glad things worked out timing wise. Auggie's with the grandparents for the weekend so she can always take his bedroom if she wants to."

"That's good."

"It is," she agreed. "But enough chit-chat. We're missing out on all the juicy sleepover bits!"

"Topanga!" Katy scolded.

"What?" she defended. "You think I had us get all these snacks for the girls' benefit? This is our entrance fee to the sleepover!"

"We're adults Topanga," she argued back, exasperatedly. "Why exactly do we want in on a freshman sleepover?"

"Because they're talking about feelings, Katy," she answered as if that should have been the most obvious thing in the world. "This is the chance for us to see exactly where their heads are when it comes to this. Because, we both know they're up in there making all the wrong decisions about what they should or should not be doing or sharing advice that a friend of a friend heard from their sister's best friend. None of them have a big sister to straighten all of this out for them so we have to make sure that this goes right."

"Well I guess you have a point there," Katy allowed. "I may not have had so many relationship problems if I had a reliable source to turn to."

"Exactly, so let's get in there."

It was a testament to the girls' innocence, Topanga supposed, that they'd left the bedroom door wide open. Only the most salacious of secrets were shared in the privacy of a locked bedroom door, from her experience, and even then, such discussions usually occurred with the added cover of darkness, most often under the protection of blankets. She wondered how she would feel the first time that actually happened and she would realise that there were some things that Riley wanted to keep completely between herself and her friends, but thankfully, for now, that was not a problem for her to deal with. And so, she used her foot to knock against Riley's doorframe to catch the three teenagers' attention.

"We're home," she said as she walked in, Katy right behind her.

"Oh thank goodness," Smackle said, looking up at there. "People with sense, please join us."

"Hey, don't clump me with Riley," Maya protested even as she climbed to her feet to help relieve them of the things they had brought in. "Is this ice-cream?" she asked excitedly.

"What's going on?" Topanga asked, looking to her daughter who had her arms crossed.

"We have a disagreement."

"It's not a disagreement. It's just a difference in opinion," Riley answered as she slid off the bay window to the floor, leaving it empty for the two women to claim, which they did.

Topanga didn't press for more details until Katy and Maya had shared out the ice-cream and the empty bowl the girls had had with them was filled to the brim with chips. Topanga could see that they had done their best to give Smackle a good time. Her hair was braided and she was wearing a bit more makeup than Topanga remembered her using on an everyday basis. The crookedness of the wings gave it away - that was Riley's doing; Maya had long since mastered that technique.

"What were you all talking about when we came in?" Katy asked, around a spoonful of ice-cream.

"Boys," Smackle supplied. "We have been sharing our experiences with our boyfriends. Several anomalies have arisen, and in trying to account for these anomalies we have found discord."

"We can't agree with what we're doing wrong," Maya summarised dryly.

"You're doing something wrong?" Katy asked, and Topanga found herself resisting the urge to chuckle at the feigned attempt at surprise her friend made.

Maya shot her mother an entirely unamused look, something that caused the woman to snicker. Apparently it was something they had already discussed, Topanga deduced, making a note to press her for details on it at a later time.

"Smackle," she said, "what are the wrong things that have been happening? I'm not privileged like Katy or Cory to interact with you guys all the time, so you'll have to explain it to me, if you don't mind."

"It is no issue," Smackle answered. "The society we exist in details the roles each and every one of us are meant to fit in once we are at a specific point in our lives. Right now, we are all girl-friends which means there are expectations that we are meant to follow, to fulfill. Farkle and I have been in a relationship for over a year now and we both researched what was expected of us, both as a couple and on an individual level."

"You googled how to be a girlfriend?" Maya said with a snicker.

"Research is always important," Smackle answered her with a sage-like now. "We created a record of the things that were expected of persons in a relationship and we referenced it continuously to ensure that we did as we were meant to."

"Is that where all the pet-names came from?" Riley asked, curiously.

"Yes," Smackle confirmed. "By the third month of a relationship, a level of comfort should be shared between the couple. They should start to feel a desire to differentiate their partner from the rest of the world, and a pet-name is a good way of showing that I believe you are special, and to show that I will refer to you in a way that I would not call any other."

"That makes sense," Riley mused. "Maya, what do you call Shane?"

"Shane," Maya admitted, almost reluctantly, before shoving a handful of potato chips into her mouth. Topanga turned to shoot Katy a questioning look, who only shrugged in response.

"And you, Riley?" she asked, to draw any potential attention away from Maya, "any special names you have for Lucas?"

"None really," she answered slowly, "but Lucas is Lucas to me. I...I never felt the need to call him anything else. Am I doing something wrong?"

"Not every relationship follows the norm," Katy answered quickly before she could answer. "I wouldn't worry about it, if I were you."

"All variables should be given credence until they can be concretely accepted or dismissed," Smackle contradicted lightly. "If it were not so...I would not require this sleepover."

"There are some things you just can't research and get an answer for, you know Smackle," she said gently. "And I think you know that otherwise you would not want this help. What do you need to know?"

"How to categorise love," she answered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Riley asked, confused. "Love is love. There aren't categories."

"Oh you poor confused child," Topanga lamented. "Where did I go wrong?"

"You mean before or after you passed on Cory's genes?"

"Low blow, Katy."

"Hey, living with Shawn's given me lots of details."

"Mom?" Riley asked, drawing her attention away from Katy. "Love is love."

"Riley, that's not right," she answered slowly. "There are different types of love, and it's very possible for you to love something or someone differently. Smackle, is that what you're having trouble with?"

"I have difficulty with understanding feelings," she answered. "My therapist...she does not want to go into detail with me. She fears I will superimpose whatever she says on to my life and use that as a solution. But...I require elaboration on feelings. I feel things but I am not always aware of what it is I am feeling."

"To be fair that isn't a you thing," Maya answered, "At least I don't think it is. I don't always understand the things I feel."

"You don't, Maya?" Riley said, sounding shocked.

"Sorry, Riles," she answered. "I'm learning this as I go too."

"So who's going to tell me what I'm feeling?"

"I can't always teach you things, honey," she answered mildly.

"Sometimes you have to learn on your own," Topanga added. "And sometimes you turn to people who know a bit more about things than you, like us!"

"Laying it on a bit thick there," Katy whispered to her. Topanga only nudged her leg with hers in response.

"How do you tell the difference? How can you tell the difference between feelings?" Maya asked then, and there was an undercurrent of something in her tone that had Topagna scrutinising her in a way she usually reserved for when she was working. Maya was striving to keep her tone mildly curious, trying to seem as if she wasn't answering for herself, but rather for the benefit of the other two. But she was obviously interested, very interested, and in that moment Topanga realised that she didn't only have to worry about Riley making bad decisions. Maya was definitely the more worldly of the two, but apparently that worldliness was not serving her well right now.

"That is the right question," Smackle noted. "I need to tell the difference. I know there is one. I...I do not know what the difference means."

"Well I just want to know about this love is not love thing," Riley answered glibly. "I know what my feelings are. I...I never realised you had doubts though Maya. I thought everything was fine with you and Shane since you sorted the Kira-thing out."

Maya shrugged in response.

"Feelings," Smackle interjected. "What is love?"

"Do we really want to go straight to love?" Katy asked, glancing at Topanga. "I mean...love isn't something that just happens you know, especially not young for everyone."

"Shawn said that," Maya noted.

"Exactly," Katy agreed. "I don't mean to be disparaging if what you all currently believe what you're feeling is love, but...there's so much more to it. It can be just attraction, it can be that you just like them as a person, but nothing else. There' so much more it can be."

"But it can also be love."

"Well yes, it can be," Katy acknowledged. "I mean as far as Shawn is concerned, your parents are the poster-couple for finding everlasting love from a very early age. But how many people actual experience that from a realistic standpoint? Sometimes it isn't love. Sometimes it's just hormones and things you build up in your head to be a lot greater than they really are."

"So what is the difference?"

"Maybe if we tell them what love feels like to us?" Topanga suggested. "It's easier to understand something if you know what it's not. How did you know you loved Shawn."

"Before or after you teased it out of me?" she joked, tucking hair behind her ears as they both chuckled. "Loving Shawn," she continued, more seriously, with a wistful sigh. "It...wasn't something I realised immediately," she explained. "It started off slow. Whenever he showed up unexpectedly my heart would just...flutter and I'd find myself fussing at my hair and clothes because I didn't want him to see me at anything but my best. I'd find myself wanting his attention, and not knowing what to do with it once I had it but still being so happy because he was looking at me, talking to me, touching me. Being near him made everything feel so much better, so much more real. I wanted to know everything about him, wanted him to know everything about me. I wanted to be with him, not doing anything but just...being with him. We'd just sit there talking about absolutely nothing but I'd go to bed that night feeling like so much had been achieved. He became the one person I knew I didn't want to be without. He's the one person I wanted to take care of, and be taken care of by. He's the one I just...I just can't see myself being without. I don't know if I'm explaining it well, so...let me put it like this. If something's great is happening in my life, he's the one I want to know first, to celebrate with. And if something bad is happening, I also want him to be the first person there because I know he'll help me get through it, no matter what it is. The fact that I put him there, at number one, means that I love him."

"Which is why love is love is wrong, Riley," Topanga said, picking up from where Katy left off. "I mean...Katy, you said that Shawn's number one, but would you say you love him more than Maya?"

"Of course not," she answered immediately. "I just...love my daughter differently."

"So you love Shawn and Maya equally. It's just not the same."

"Isn't that what Farkle says?" Maya asked, glancing at Riley. "He loves us equally."

"I...you're right," Riley acknowledged. "I never realised there's a difference between 'equal' and 'same'."

"I don't think he does either," Maya answered. "What about you?" Maya asked then, looking towards her, "what kind of insight can you give us, Mrs. Married From Birth?"

Topanga laughed at that. "I won't bore you with the same details," Topanga said. "I...I'll do something with you guys that my mom did with me once. It's not the same because she did it when I was trying to make a decision about my future, but it'll work the same way in theory."

"Okay."

"I will take whatever I can get," Smackle added, speaking for the first time in a while.

"I want you guys to close your eyes," Topanga bid, "and make yourselves comfortable."

"Is this yoga?" Riley asked. "I always wanted to try yoga."

"Think of this more like guided meditation," Topanga corrected. "So I just want you to focus on my voice and what I'm telling you to do, okay? Let your mind wander to where it will. Good, now I want you to think about yourself. You're alone in a room, a room where you feel safe. This room is wherever you want, it doesn't matter where, it's just a place where you feel safe and at peace.

"Now, people are coming into the room, people you care about, people you feel things for. It doesn't matter who they are. If you feel anything towards them, let them in. They aren't talking or doing anything. They're all just coming into the room and standing there in front of you. You're in control here, and you're the ones I want to move. I want you to look at them, one by one. These are the people you care for. They're your friends, your family, your loved ones. If you know who they are, if you understand what it is you feel for them, let them leave. Wave at them, you'll see them later, so let them go. Look at who's left now. Look at them, whoever they are. Note who they are and then let them leave, close the door behind them. Don't worry. You're not saying goodbye to them.

"Your space is changing now. You're in trouble. You need help and there's only one person who can help you, one of the people you just said goodbye to. You need them, you want them, you know that they're the one who can get you through this. It's changing again. Now, you're happy. This is the best day of your life and you need to tell someone, you need to celebrate with someone so you pick up your phone and call them because they're the one you need to talk to first, the one who knows just how much this means to you, and you know that celebrating with them will make your accomplishment so much sweeter. Now...you're sad. It doesn't matter about what. You're just sad. Who's the person you want to comfort you. Who's the one that'll make you feel better. You're sick. Nothing major, but you're laid up in bed, and you can only have one visitor. Who is it? And now, you're just home, relaxing, it's a regular day, but you can use some company right now, someone to cuddle with, someone to laugh with. And what about when you just need someone to vent with, someone with a different perspective from yours. Who do you go to? Who do you want to see? Who do you just...want to be with in everything? The good and the bad, the interesting and the mundane?

"Now, you're back in your safe space, and there's the door once again. Walk to that door, put your hand on the handle, remember everything you just experienced and turn the handle. Open the door. Look at who's standing there. Look at them carefully and then, whenever you're ready, open your eyes."

Topanga's voice drifted off them, and she opened her own eyes, not even realising she'd allowed them to drift close. She glanced to Katy and saw that she was giving her an impressed look, even as she fiddled with her engagement ring in a manner that had her smiling. After all, even now one of her fingers was brushing over her own pair of rings absentminded. But then again, the two of them weren't exactly the ones with issues about feelings. She looked towards the teenagers. Riley had now blinked her eyes opened, and Topanga's eyebrows raised slightly at the...shock on her daughter's face. Their eyes met, and she got one good look at the sudden tumult of emotions in Riley's eyes before she broke the eye-contact wrapping her arms about herself. Yeah, that wasn't good, she noted.

Putting aside her worry for her daughter for now, she now looked to Smackle, who had removed her glasses and was now rubbing at her eyes. There was no need to ask Smackle about how her experience had been. Smackle seemed almost relaxed; the tension she had been carrying before had all but evaporated, and Topanga had an inkling that, one way or another, Smackle had gotten the answer she needed, something she was glad for.

Finally, she looked to Maya, who seemed, not shocked like Riley, nor at peace like Smackle. Maya just seemed...sad. It worried her, but glancing at Katy showed the woman just once again shaking her head, as if this was something she had expected. She'd seen that sort of look once or twice before in her younger years; it spoke to the disappointment of a parent who knew and expected their child to do better than whatever it was they were doing. And, if the brief glance Maya shot her mother was anything to go by, she fully understood what her mother's reaching was about.

"I need to use the bathroom," Maya muttered as she got up off the floor and quickly left the room.

"I think we need some more drinks," Riley added and followed suit, hurrying out the door behind her.

"They require privacy to gather their thoughts," Smackle noted calmly.

"And you, Smackle? Katy asked, while Topanga debated if she should follow her daughter out for a talk. "Where is your mind at?"

"Exactly where it needs to be," she answered. "I am glad I came to this sleepover. I have the answers I need."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I guess you can consider this Sleepover Part I.


	47. Chapter 47

Katy sighed softly as she saw Maya's small figure hunched over on the bench. She had expected to find her up here on the roof after noticing her coat had been missing, but honestly, she hadn't expected her to be in such a miserable state. "This a long detour from the bathroom," she said gently, as she sat down beside her.

"I needed a breather," Maya mumbled in response.

"From what?" she asked, although she pretty much suspected what the answer would be. After all she had seen her expression in the seconds it had taken her to flee Riley's bedroom.

"From everything," she answered. "I don't know what to do, mom."

"You do know what to do," she contradicted gently. "You're just afraid to do it and that's something I don't understand. You're just stringing Shane along at this point. That's cruel Maya and also something that is just not like you."

"You're right, you don't understand," Maya responded. "I just can't break up with him. It's just not that simple."

"It is that simple," Katy told her. "You know you don't like him Maya, so why are you still in a relationship with him? He's not the person who is supposed to be your boyfriend and you know it."

"It's not that simple," Maya repeated, and this time, Katy was surprised by the level of frustration in her daughter's tone as she said that.

"Maya-" she began, only to be cut off by Maya.

"I won't be him, mom," Maya snapped, rising to her feet. "I just won't."

"Him? Who's him?" Katy asked, confused, even as she stood and followed her over to the railing. Maya's body was stiff and she refused to look at her even when Katy put her hand on her shoulder and tried to turn her around. "Maya?"

"I'm not a quitter, mom," Maya said softly, staring determinedly down at the street. "I made a commitment to Shane, and no matter what's going on with me I will keep that commitment."

The stubbornness in her daughter's ton had Katy asking herself for patience. This was normal. All over the world there were teenagers bumbling around as they tried to figure out life. Teenagers made stupid decisions all the time, she rationalised. They did stupid things and they always acted like they knew better than everyone else even though the person giving them advice was much older and wiser than they were. After all, she was pretty certain that she had given her own mother hell back during her own teenage years. And even though she knew her daughter was painfully wrong in this, she also recalled how angered she had felt when her own mother had been dismissive of her thoughts and feelings. It didn't matter what she thought about Maya's situation, right now this was the view that Maya held and she had to respect that. Maybe if her own mother had taken that approach she would not have felt the need to rebel to the extent that she had.

And so, she took a moment to think before speaking, ensuring that her words did not come across as patronising. She didn't want to risk alienating Maya, or worse yet, sending her to someone else for advice, someone who could potentially cause her to make a decision she would later regret.

"Baby girl, you are still so young," she said carefully. "Now is not the time for you to be clinging on to a relationship that is not working, that cannot work. Hell, there is never a time for that, but thankfully you are not in a situation where you have no choice but to scramble to make something that's broken function again. This is your first relationship Maya and it's a low stake one. The only thing stopping you from walking away is you and I said it before, you're being unfair to yourself and you're being unfair to Shane by staying. If you don't like the boy then let him go."

"He like me though," Maya responded, finally turning to look at her. "That's all that matter's mom. Shane likes me and I like him enough that I do not want him hurt. He deserves a lot more than me leaving him just because I'm too weak to keep the commitment I made. I won't leave him."

That sounded oddly familiar, Katy thought, Maya's words scraping at the back of her mind. It took her a moment to put her daughter's words into context and when she did, a sinking feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. "This is my fault," she whispered, horrified.

Her whisper was loud enough to reach her daughter's ears. Maya spun around completely, looking at her wide-eyed.

"Mom, you did not do anything," Maya told her quickly.

"Obviously I did or else you wouldn't be standing here worried that you were turning into Kermit," she rebutted. "Why would you think that you are anything like him?" she added, sadly.

"Because I'm acting like him," she returned, "and leaving Shane would make me no better than him. I won't be him, mom. I won't fail at my relationships."

"Relationships end, Maya," Katy said, "and there isn't always a villain where it happens. Kermit left me, yes, but that was different. Your relationship is different. You aren't married to Shane, Maya. You never made those vows, and Maya, those are the ones that count, not whatever the hell you told him when you accepted that bracelet," she said, gesturing at the band Maya had been wearing for what she was starting to think was far too long a time. "This is a high school relationship for goodness sake. You can't compare that to what Kermit and I had. You aren't horrible because you don't feel the same way for Shane, so stop worrying about that. Stop beating yourself up about it. You are not Kermit. This is not the same thing."

"It is important to Shane," Maya countered. "This is everything for him. He takes our relationship so seriously. Anybody else would have broken up with me for what I did, but he's still giving me chances. He's been through more than enough before. I won't add to that."

"Well maybe we would have all been better off if he did break up with you," Katy said bluntly. "Or is that what you want, Maya?" she added when Maya did not react as she would have expected to such a pronouncement. "Do you want Shane to just end things? Is that why you don't give him one hundred percent? Is that why you haven't told him you still hang out with Lucas, that Lucas is at our apartment at least twice a week? Is that why you do barely anything for him? Because you're trying to make him do it? Make him snap and leave? Because if you are Maya, then you are being Kermit. He only left when he realised that no matter what he did I would not give him the out he wanted. Because I loved him, Maya. I took every single vow I made to him seriously and no matter what he did, I would try to work things out for him until he finally got fed up and walked away. Is that what you're doing?"

"You know it isn't," Maya half-yelled. "I don't act this way because I want to, mom. I just-I don't know how to be a girlfriend."

"You know exactly how to be a girlfriend," Katy ground out. "You just don't want to be a girlfriend to him."

"Mom-"

"No, Maya," Katy said firmly, well aware that her temper was getting away with her, but also aware that she really did not care right now, that maybe, this actually was what her daughter needed. "I have watched you make a mess of your life and Shane's for far too long. And that ends now. No daughter of mines is going to be a liar, not if I can help him."

"I am not a liar."

"You are," Katy contradicted, "and you're going to be an even bigger one if you let things go on for much longer. You don't want to be like Kermit? Then stop acting like it. Stop lying about your feelings to Shane. Stop letting Shane become more and more invested in you because you are too coward to set things right. Stop pretending, because you know what Maya Penelope, in the end, that is what is going to hurt Shane the most, not the fact that you don't love him. Because there will be a day, and trust me, it will come, when you just wouldn't be able to pretend anymore. And when you can't take it everything is going to hit the fan and that's the day you become Kermit, that is the day you just say screw it, drop everything and leave and Shane will be broken because he never saw it coming because you lied to him so much that he believed that you loved him when it was nothing but an act. That's when you're going to scar Shane for life, not now, and mind my words, Maya Penelope, I am not going to let that happen.

"You need to set things right Maya, and you need to do it soon before I decide to set things right for you."

"And just how would you do that?" Maya snapped back, crossing her arms.

"I may just decide that you're not as mature as I thought you were," Katy retorted, "that you're a child and not a teenager – a young adult. Because a child has no right to be in a relationship with anybody Maya, and maybe I'll decide that you're better off dating no-one until you're mature enough to handle all of the responsibilities that go with it."

"You can't do that," Maya protested.

"Don't put me in a position where I have to," she returned darkly.

Katy honestly didn't know what she expected from Maya in response. This was the first time as far as she could recall that she and her daughter had come to metaphoric blows so to speak, and irony of ironies, it would be over a boy. Nevertheless, Katy knew that she would not back down from this. She really did not want to have to pull out the parental card, especially not over something like this, but she knew that she would if she had to. She expected pushback from Maya, she certainly would have if she were in her position and her mother was issuing an ultimatum like that that would disrupt her social life. She was prepared for anger, but, to her surprise, a sheen of tears started to gleam in Maya's eyes.

It softened Katy's demeanour immediately. She hadn't meant to push her daughter to tears. She had just wanted her to wake up to the reality of the situation she was in, the situation she was allowing herself to remain in. "I know you think you're doing the right thing," she said, her tone a lot gentler now as she reached out to touch her cheek, "that this is the best thing you can do, but it's not Maya. It really isn't."

"It is the best thing I can do," Maya rebutted, her tone equally soft. She wasn't being combative now, neither was her tone frustrated. Standing before her was just a miserable child who was overwhelmed over the situation she had found herself in.

"Oh baby girl," Katy sighed. "It's not that hard."

"You don't get it," Maya repeated, not for the first time.

"Then help me get it," Katy bid. "I can't help you with what I don't know."

Maya sniffed, and reached up to wipe at her nose. "Being with Shane is safe," she whispered. "It's the safest thing I can do. As long as I'm with Shane nothing changes. Nothing has to change."

"I don't understand," Katy admitted, even as she reached up to wipe at the corners of Maya's eyes. "Why do you think you need to stay in a relationship with Shane?"

"Because otherwise I'd lose both Lucas and Riley," Maya admitted, her tone wavering. "I can't hurt her again, and I can't lose them again."

Katy's heart clenched at her daughter's woe begotten tone and, in an instant, she pulled her daughter to her, hugging her close. Maya had realised it finally, she thought sadly, even as she pressed a kiss to her head. Topanga's little meditation session had opened her daughter's eyes to what had been obvious for so long. Maya knew who she loved now and far from being a relief, it had just complicated everything even further in her daughter's mind.

Katy didn't press her daughter to speak. She didn't need her to. With her brief admission Katy had understood why Maya insisted on remaining in a relationship with Shane despite everything. It wasn't just that she was afraid of becoming like Kermit (and where she had gotten that idea from in the first place was something that Katy would be investigating further) but it was also the fact that being Shane's girlfriend indeed offered her safety. As long as she could cling to the label of being his girlfriend, as long as she could try to divert her attentions to him, she wouldn't rock the boat again. She wouldn't have to deal with the fact that she was in love with Lucas. Maya had gone through this before, but it was so much worse this time, because Lucas was no longer just her daughter's best friend's crush. Lucas was now Riley's boyfriend and yes, that made things way more complicated because one simply could not say admit to being in love with a person who was out of bounds on so many levels.

Riley was too important a person in Maya's life, and having gone through turbulent periods twice with her now, and both times over Lucas, Katy knew that Maya would not do it a third time. She had made a token effort to fight for Lucas in the immediate aftermath of Texas and the three of them had danced around the subject between then and the Ski Lodge. Afterwards, Maya had backed away entirely and had thrown herself into a relationship with Shane. Katy knew that Maya hadn't done that to distract herself from Shane, but eventually, as the truths came out and relationships improved, Lucas and Maya had started to gravitate back to each other once again, and this time they were on a collision course, one that Katy personally felt was inevitable, but one that she knew terrified Maya because of the fallout it would cause with Riley.

Maya was afraid of the cycle repeating it, but, just like how Katy had never outright revealed to Maya the details of where her heart lay, she also knew that it was not her place to plant suggestions into her daughter's mind about her best friend's relationship. It was obvious to her, had been for a while now. It was the advantage of working in an establishment that gave her more than enough time to look over her daughter and her daughter's friends. Technically speaking, Lucas and Riley weren't being the best boyfriend and girlfriend they could be with each other, except unlike Maya and Shane, neither seemed bothered by it. Katy knew why in Lucas' case, and lately, she suspected exactly where Riley's affections truly lay even though the girl was almost painfully oblivious to that at this point. Maya was wrong. It would not be the same this time when things came to ahead with the three of them. Katy knew that this time the three of them would definitely get things right.

However, none of that was something she could tell her sniffling daughter right now. That was a truth she was definitely not prepared for. And so, she did the next best thing. She just kept her in her arms and offered her comfort, while praying fervently for an end that would bring relief for everyone involved.

* 

"Maya's been gone a while," Riley noted, checking the clock. "I'm starting to get worried."

"You were gone quite a while yourself while you were getting us drinks," Smackle responded easily, "drinks you never returned with."

"I'm sorry," Riley apologised immediately. Truthfully, she hadn't even remembered whatever it was she had mumbled in order to escape from the room. Now though, she worried that Smackle had actually been expecting something. She tended to take things literally after all, and she felt bad that Smackle probably had been waiting all this time, too polite to say anything. "Are you thirsty? I'll get you something."

"I am not," she answered, looking up briefly. "I was not commenting on your lack of hosting ability, Riley. I know that you used that as an excuse to leave. I do not hold it against you."

"I just needed some time to think," Riley admitted.

"After the guided meditation? I am doing researching on it currently. It is quite fascinating."

"Anything in there about whether the results are accurate?" Riley asked, her interest piqued. Smackle had been typing away at her laptop when she had returned, and had been splitting her attention between it and her ever since. She hadn't really thought to ask what it was she was doing, but now she was quite interested in what it was she was uncovering.

"The literature is divided," she responded, "but if I superimpose my own experience over what I am seeing here there is an element of truth in it. It is not a sound conclusion by any means, but, for my purposes it is fine."

"I was hoping you would say it was wrong," Riley mumbled, squirming slightly form her spot on the bed. Personally, she did not want to dwell too much on the activity her mother had had them engaged in. She did not know how to interpret what she had appeared in her mindscape, if she should even bother to try to understand it or just accept it for what it was. It was hard to do so, especially with the people she had over currently for company, and so she did not want to think about it too deeply. If she ever decided to give it further thought at all, that is.

"From your response I doubt very much that you saw Lucas," Smackle noted. The straightforwardness of her statement took Riley aback. How could she possibly have known that, she thought, growing worried. After a moment though, she relaxed. Smackle was way too perspective at times. It did not matter that she had guessed correctly; what was most important was that Maya had not come to that conclusion as well.

"I didn't," she admitted, jostling her foot lightly, deciding that it was safe enough for now to talk about it. "What gave it away?"

"You left," Smackle responded. "Both you and Maya left so that no-one could inquire into what your experience was. It is probably why Maya has not returned. She, perhaps, has the most to think about."

"Well her not seeing Shane isn't that surprising," Riley said after a moment. "Honestly, I think I would have been shocked if she had."

"I thought you liked him."

"At first," she answered her after thinking about it for a moment. "He seemed great and Maya seemed happy. But now I don't think I'd mind too much if they broke up. I don't think she's happy with him."

"Do you know why?"

Riley shrugged. "Maya doesn't really speak much about her relationship with him anymore," she revealed, "and whenever I ask she sort of just shrugs it off. I know that she's trying her best with him, but sometimes I wonder if she's trying too hard."

"But aren't you supposed to try?" Smackle asked, her tone curious. "Aren't you supposed to want to make your boyfriend happy?"

"Not when it doesn't make you happy while you're doing it," she answered. "At least that's what I've gotten out of gender studies so far."

"I have read articles that have said that compromise in relationships are necessary."

"But is it fair when only one person is compromising?"

"I don't think so," Smackle agreed after dwelling on it for a moment. "Have you told this to Maya?"

"No," she answered with a sigh. "Like I said, we don't really talk about relationships too much."

"Why is that?"

"I-I don't know," Riley admitted, only now realising how strange it was given how open they usually were with each other about everything under the sun. "I guess I don't want to seem like I'm meddling."

"Isn't it your job to meddle? You are her best friend."

Riley chuckled at that. "I know, but this is Maya's relationship, Smackle, and I think it'd be wrong of me to say something if it'd influence her to act when she wouldn't otherwise. I've done that more than enough already. The last thing I want to do is tell her what I think she should do with Shane. If it's really important, I'll say something, but otherwise, unless she asks, I'm trying not to say anything."

"That's unexpected for you," Smackle said. "I do not think I have seen such restraint from you before, especially when it comes to Maya."

"I'm trying," she responded, with a shrug. "It's not easy, but it's something she's pointed out to me and I know she is right. I can't take control anymore. I've got to trust that Maya knows what she should do for herself."

"I think I have heard a similar sentiment from her," Smackle said, tapping at her chin thoughtfully.

"You would have," Riley agreed. "I didn't understand what Maya meant by it when she first brought it up, and it did hurt that she wanted me to butt out sometimes, but, I get it now and I think it's better this way. I was worried that it'd push us apart, but instead it's brought us even closer together in some ways."

"Which is probably why you should talk to her about Shane," Smackle pointed out. "There may be a reason she has displayed a reluctance to talk about him. You raising the issue may encourage her to talk."

"You really think I should?"

"I believe you should do it."

"What should you do?" Maya asked, startling them both. Neither of them had noticed her return.

Riley turned to her, smiling automatically. "You're back," she said warmly.

"I am," she confirmed, padding across the room while cradling a mug carefully so that none of the contents were spilt. "I'm sorry I was gone so long. Riley hasn't been boring you to tears, right?" she asked, her tone teasing as she looked at Smackle.

"She was not," she replied. "I found myself enjoying my conversation with her. Although now I have the juncture I need to visit the washroom," she added pertly, rising to her feet. "And I do not mean that figuratively," she added, turning to give Maya a pointed look that caused her to look down sheepishly.

"You okay, Peaches?" Riley asked once Smackle had closed the door. "You were gone a while."

"I'm okay," Maya confirmed, before surprising her by leaning over to hug her with a fierce tightness after setting aside her drink.

"Maya?" She asked worriedly, even as she returned the hug.

"I love you so much, Riley," Maya whispered, and there was something in her voice that had her holding on to her just a bit tighter. "I'll never not love you. You're the most important person in my life. I won't let anything change that. I love you. I will always love you."

"I love you too," Riley returned, "always. You know that."

She felt Maya's nod before she pulled back with a sigh. "I hope you guys left me some chips or there will be problems," she said gruffly, before getting up to check, leaving Riley to stare at her, mildly perplexed and concerned.

* 

Releasing a sigh muffled by her pillow, Riley decided that she was best off heeding Smackle's earlier advice. After all, neither her nor Maya was getting much in way of sleep right now. Indeed, even now, Maya was rolling unto her back for the umpteenth time with a haggard sigh of her own. It was just the two of them, Smackle opting to take Auggie's room as she had had, in her words, quite enough human interaction for one day. Neither her nor Maya had spoken much after her departure, and had instead just performed their usual pre-sleep ritual before settling down beside each other. Except, they were both now wide awake.

After one more shift from Maya, and she herself resisting the urge to thump at her pillow out of frustration, Riley gave up and rolled to her side so that she was facing her. "I can't sleep Peaches," she whispered.

"Welcome to the club," Maya returned, turning to mimic her position. "What's on your mind?"

"Too many things," she admitted.

"Is Chai one of those things?"

Riley scowled at the humour lacing Maya's tone, before, ruefully, admitting, "I actually forgot about that. I guess it wasn't that important after all."

"Told you," Maya responded with a hint of triumph in her tone.

"It's not that I don't want new friends," Riley strove to clarify.

"Friends aren't something you can arbitrarily make," Maya answered. "We aren't in elementary school any more, Riles. You just don't walk up to someone, declare your friends forever and it sticks."

"It kind of sucks that it doesn't," Riley grumbled. "It was easier before. We knew everyone before. I don't like that everyone sticks to themselves or the people from their clubs."

"It's easier that way. People in a club have a similar interest to draw them together. If you share a lot of classes with someone then you get closer to them because you're sharing a lot of the same experiences. And sometimes something happens that brings you together. It's that commonality that helps form and keep relationships. Think about it."

Riley did, closer her eyes briefly as she considered it. Maya had a point. After all, even though Maya had just appeared through her window one day, it hadn't been an arbitrary bond. Maya had come in search of whoever was singing a happy song and she herself had been lonely and in need of someone who she could have for her own. That combination had served them well. They'd picked up Farkle not too long after, arguably for a similar reason. He'd been all alone, and after saving her from death by bobbing for apples and giving Maya the best laugh she had had for a while, they'd welcomed him in. Smackle and Zay had come because of their pre-existing connections to Zay and Lucas, but, opening her eyes, Riley found herself frowning slightly.

"What brought Lucas in?"

"You're kidding me, right?" Maya asked, slightly incredulously. "What choice did the guy have after you insta-crushed on him."

"But is that what started the friendship?" Riley asked, perplexed. "We didn't have to make him a friend just because I had had a crush on him."

"Well you'd have to ask Huckleberry that," Maya said. "Any sane person would have run for the hills after I set the sprinklers off, but there he was the next day with that stupid smile of his."

"The Homework Rebellion," Riley said with fondness. "He sheltered me with his jacket."

"What were you two talking about in there anyway?" Maya asked. "Do you even remember?"

"About you I think," Riley said, after focussing. "I think he was worried about you, about why I let you get in trouble."

Maya scoffed. "He'd known me for all of two days then, Riles. Why would he care?"

"I think he's always cared about you," Riley acknowledged, and a long silence settled between them at that.

"Yeah well he cares about you too," Maya eventually said gruffly. "And how did we end up talking about that stupid cowboy, anyway?"

Riley's mouth quirked at that. It never failed to amuse her how Maya always drifted into insults whenever they were speaking about Lucas in situations like this. "I'll admit after this week, I'm a little jealous of how close you and Liam are," Riley continued, reverting to their earlier conversation. "You became such fast friends with him. I never realised just how well the two of you get along together until class."

"Matthews didn't know what hit him," Maya returned, and despite the darkness, Riley was certain that her friend was grinning broadly.

"I know that Zay had mentioned it before, but the two of you are really similar."

"A bit too similar I think," she returned. "It's why we end up fighting so much. Like forces repelling and all that jazz."

"You're acting like you don't like those fights," Riley answered with a chuckle.

"It's fun," Maya allowed. "Liam...he's good for me. He's one of the few people who can take everything I can dish out and then some. Plus, he gives as good as he gets. I barely manage to win sometimes and that's nice."

"You like losing?"

"I like having someone I can compete against," she clarified. "I don't think I'd try as much as I do in Art classes if he wasn't here to push me. I wouldn't have bothered to join the club if it wasn't for him and that's something I would have regretted. I've learnt so much because of the club and because of him."

"Well that's good."

"Yeah," she said, shifting slightly. "He's a challenge, but a good one. And it may sound strange, but going up against him invigorates me as much as it calms me. It's hard to explain, but I can be...wild with him, let the chaos loose without worrying about it pushing him away. He can take it."

"But can the world handle it?" Riley joked, recalling the chaos her dad's class had descended into.

"Yeah well, I never said he could stop me once I get going," Maya grumbled. "Greater than him has tried and failed."

"Which is why it's good we have Lucas," Riley joked. "He's the only one who can handle you."

Maya scoffed at that, and Riley chuckled when she turned her head into her pillow, muttering something.

Maya could deny it all she wanted, but it was the truth. Lucas really was a handy addition to their lives. Whereas before, she'd had to cajole her or Farkle bribe Maya into compliance (and even then it scarcely lasted long before Maya went off again) Lucas had a way of keeping her in check. And it didn't take much effort; a touch here, a look there, or even a gentle call of her name would be enough to get her attention, at which point, logic and reasoning could be applied. Even now she didn't understand how that worked, how Lucas could manage something all else had failed at, why it was that Maya allowed him to have such an effect of her - and was it even a choice on her part? That last thought had Riley pausing, and a contemplative expression briefly flitted across her face before she dismissed the thought. They'd moved pas that already. There was no need for her to dwell on the way Lucas and Maya acted towards each other.

"Where does Shane fit in in Maya's world?" she asked, when finally Maya turned her head away from her pillow.

As she half-expected, Maya sighed at that. Briefly Riley wondered if she had gone too far in trying to bring him into this, but she found herself hoping that Smackle's advice on this was on point.

It seemed to be the case because, although it took her a few moments to respond, Maya did. "It depends on where you want to place him," Maya answered softly. "If we're ranking him against Liam and Lucas...he barely meets the mark."

"Why?"

"He can't handle me," Maya said. "Liam hardly ever backs down from me and Lucas never does. Shane can't handle it so I have to curtail myself since I don't want to make him afraid or push him away."

"I doubt he's afraid of you, Maya."

"His legs shakes when I grab him like this," she responded, and Riley squealed when Maya's hand darted out to grab at her pyjama top and pull her in close.

"Why is her afraid of that?"

"He just is," Maya answered. She released her and flicked her nose with a finger before pulling back.

"That must be frustrating," Riley noted. "You're just playing."

"It's not a game that he likes," she responded, with a yawn. "It balances itself out though, I suppose," she added. "It's not like I'm not scared of him half the time myself."

"What?" Riley asked, her tone sharp. "Why are you afraid of Shane?"

"I didn't mean it like that," Maya answered quickly.

"How else could you mean it? What does he do that scares you?"

"Can we not talk about this?" Maya requested, her tone swiftly growing wooden.

"I think it's something I think that needs talking about," Riley returned. She made to sit up but Maya reached out again and prevented the movement.

"It's not that serious, Riles," she said. "I misspoke. He just makes me uncomfortable sometimes, but it hardly ever happens."

"When has this happened? Why haven't you ever told me?"

"It wasn't that important," Maya said. She tried to roll over, but this time it was her who reached out to prevent the motion, even as she deliberated whether she should reach over and turn on her lamp for a more thorough discussion.

"It must be if you're uncomfortable."

"Riles-"

"Does Lucas know?" Riley asked then, speaking over her, recalling the 'agreement' the two of them had that Lucas had mentioned to her once a few weeks back. "Have you told him?"

"No," she responded, and the guilt in her tone was clearly evident to her.

"Maya," she began, but this time it was she who was cut off.

"It's not important, Riles," Maya said firmly. "Maybe we should just go to bed."

"You just don't want to talk about this."

"Exactly right," Maya snapped, before, swifter than Riley could prevent, rolling over, pulling her share of the blanket up and over her head in a clear indication that the discussion was over.

Riley twisted her mouth and briefly considered pushing back, except that she knew that that would start a genuine fight between them that she truly didn't want.

Frustrated, Riley turned onto her back with a huff, closing her and hoping that that simple act would eventually help her to drift off. She had just about reached that point when a sigh from beside her caused her to open her eyes and look towards Maya.

"When I was talking to Shane after New Year's he told me I was broken," Maya said, her tone barely audible. "He said I didn't know how to be a good girlfriend and I'd never be one because of what my dad did but he's trying his best to have patience with me despite that. I'm afraid of disappointing him so badly that he yells at me again. I need to do better for him. I need to do better because I don't really have any other option. It's Shane or notion, and I can't have nothing again."

And well, even though at the end of her words Maya sighed again before seemingly drifting off, unburdened now that she had revealed her secret, for Riley, it was the beginning of a long, sleepless night.

* 

Maya walked slowly down the stairs leading to the bakery. She was tired, but a full morning of practice after barely half a night of sleep would do that. She had been quite tempted to just text the group that she wasn't coming after all and instead head home for a well-deserved nap. But, she had homework due Monday that definitely required a touch of Farkle-magic to ensure its accuracy and, Mr. Jackson was going to assign the first major assignment for her Drawing class in the upcoming week so she knew that her time to hang out would decrease significantly for a bit. Those two things had had her rally against the desire for sleep to come here. Besides, if she found staying awake too difficult she could just claim Riley's lap as a pillow for a bit.

"Sup, losers," she called, striving to inject more energy than she actually felt into her tone as she walked in.

It was just three of them so far - Riley, Lucas and Zay - and surprisingly, given that it was only a few minutes later than their scheduled meet-up time, there was a couple of empty plates and mugs in front of them, suggesting that they had been here for a while.

It wasn't that that brought Maya up short though. It was the looks on their faces when they turned to the door where she was. Zay seemed...concerned, his brows furrowed as he looked at her. Riley looked slightly startled by her presence, her expression the same as when she'd been doing something for a while before realising how much time had passed by. Lucas though-meeting Lucas' gaze sent a chill down Maya's spine.

There was anger in his eyes, and while, given the hints of concern she could also discern, she could tell that the anger was not directed solely towards her, something told her that it had something to do with her. She broke the gaze resisting the urge to squirm.

"Am I interrupting something?" Maya asked awkwardly even as she wondered if she was better off trying to make a break from it. She knew that nothing good could come out of whatever it was they had been talking about (and she was starting to suspect that maybe Riley had not been quite as asleep as she had thought when she had mumbled an admission meant only for her pillow's ears."

"Come here, Peaches," Riley bid, her tone kind as she beckoned for her to come sit between her and Lucas.

"Actually, I think I'm good here," she tried to joke, moving to claim an empty chair for herself far away from all of them, and coincidental near the door in case an escape was needed.

"Maya." It was one word alone - her name - but, it was said in a tone that brooked no nonsense, and, almost without her consent, Maya felt her body turn and head towards Lucas, though her steps remained slow and reluctant.

She sat stiffly between them, settling her bag down of the floor between her legs. Not wanting to look at either of them, she instead turned to Zay. "Just how much trouble am I in right now?" she asked him, her tone conversational.

Zay snorted in response. "You're fine, Maya," he answered. "We're just after a wee bit of information to help us decide if we're going to end up with six months in juvie or a year."

The attempt at humour caused the corner of her mouth to quirk up slightly and, boldened by it, she sighed and looked to Riley, still reluctant to deal with Lucas.

"What's going on, honey?" she asked.

"I don't want you to be mad at me," Riley began, "but what you said last night...I just couldn't do nothing with that, Maya."

"I don't think I said anything that worrisome," she returned, hedging.

"You being afraid of your boyfriend is more than a little worrisome, Maya," Lucas said from her left and Maya swallowed at his tone. Yeah, she was pretty certain if someone were to press a board into Lucas' hands right now, he'd break it in two with minimal effort. This was not, in any way, going to be a good conversation, she acknowledged, and she found herself wishing, praying even for a miracle – any miracle – that could get her out of this situation intact.

And, apparently, sometimes things worked out in her favour because just as Lucas began to speak again, Farkle and Smackle arrived, standing in the bakery doorway together, holding hands.

"We have an announcement to make," Smackle declared and Maya could have cried in relief as it diverted everyone's attention to them.

"You two were supposed to have been here an hour ago."

"I needed to talk to Farkle," Smackle answered. "Do not be concerned. Your mother was awake and I thanked her for being a wonderful host to me."

"Did you have fun?" Zay asked. "I know that was your first sleepover."

"Guys, can we not go off-topic here?" Lucas requested, and Maya resisted the urge to groan because, nope, this was definitely not a topic she wanted to go back to.

"No, you can wait," Smackle said confidently and Maya could have cheered at that. Maybe all hope was not lost? "This is more important."

"I'm sure it is," Maya hurriedly agreed, ignoring the look she knew Lucas was sending her way now. "What do you want to say? And why are you so quiet, Farkle?" she asked, looking towards her long-term friend. There was something...off about him, she recognised, her excitement quickly curtailing itself at his expression. Farkle wasn't quite looking at anyone, and while he didn't really seem to be upset by any means, she could definitely tell that there was something weighing heavily on his mind.

"We have an announcement to make," Smackle repeated.

"And it is?" she asked, deciding that she could deal with Farkle afterwards. For now she started mentally preparing to ask a million and one questions to ask no matter what it was they said. She would do whatever it took to get out of the conversation Lucas wanted to have for now. And so, she leaned forward eagerly to hear the announcement, only for her mouth to gape a few seconds later when Smackle spoke.

"Farkle and I have broken up."


	48. Chapter 48

Usually, whenever the elevator opened, Riley would stare around her in awe at the sheer size of Farkle's bedroom and the number of things contained within. The sheer size of his room always astounded her, and of course, there were the things contained within the room. There was always something new for her to discover, an item she had not noticed before that needed to be totally inspected to satisfy her curiosity.

Not this time though.

She had come here with a purpose. The only thing that mattered to her right now was the teenager who owned the room. She saw him immediately, sitting crossed legged on the floor with a Mac in front of him. There was still an air of misery around him that saddened her, and she knew that she had made the right decision in coming here now. Farkle had been too quiet earlier in the bakery, too withdrawn and while no-one had chosen to comment on it then, it had bothered her tremendously. She had tried to talk to him, moving to sit beside him, but he had shot her a look that bordered on being skittish before moving away from her, muttering that he needed to the washroom. It was obvious though that he had meant to get away from her, and while it had hurt, she had tried to not take it personal, simply putting it down to the weirdness of the situation happening. He would be fine she had tried to reassure herself. And yet, despite knowing that, she had scarcely been home an hour before she had left again to come here. Farkle was not okay; she needed to talk to him.

He was not facing the entrance to his room, and the thickness of his carpet muffled the sound of her footsteps as she approached him. He wasn't aware of her presence and that gave her the chance to first just observe him and then peep over his shoulder to see what he was looking at. Oh, he was people-watching, using one of the cameras installed on Maya's apartment building. She frowned. He only did that these days when, according to him, he wanted a break from his own reality. Watching people going about their days gave him a sort of escape. She waited a bit, not wanting to interrupt his thoughts. Eventually, he shifted a bit, turning his neck back and forth to relieve some tension. She took that opportunity to speak.

"Farkle?"

He flinched, a full-bodied reaction that had her wincing in sympathy. She had not expected him to be that startled, but if the wide-eyed, almost panicked look on his face when he turned around was anything to go by, she had done quite a good job of shaving some years off his life through fright.

"I'm sorry," she apologised. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"What are you doing here?" he asked, shaking, looking at her as if he couldn't quite believe she was there.

"I'm here for you," she answered as she moved to sit beside him.

He pulled away from her, though not as much as before, not like she was going to let him get away from her. Reaching out, she pulled him back to where he had been, and rested her head against his shoulder. After a moment, Farkle sighed but then she felt him pat the top of her once before he pressed his to hers. She hummed in contentment before looking at his screen. "Seen anything good?" she asked.

"Just Lucas," he answered quietly. "He showed up a while ago."

"He did?" she asked, crinkling her brows as she looked more intently at the screen, as if that alone would cause him to appear. "I guess he didn't want to wait."

"You wanted to tell us something," Farkle said then, his tone suggesting that he had forgotten all about it until now. "What's going on?"

"It's nothing that Lucas can't handle," she reassured him, glancing briefly at the screen again. "Maybe I should have just let him handle it from the start."

"What's wrong with Maya?"

"I'll tell you a next time," she said gently, scooting over a bit so that she was sitting in a way that allowed her to better see his face. "How are you?"

It was a trite question to ask seeing that she already knew the answer. Farkle was not okay. How could he be? After more than a year, he was single once again; his and Smackle's relationship was over. That mere thought had her shaking her head in disbelief. How had this happened? What signs had she missed? Would she have been able to help if she'd known? Farkle looked so lost right now, so confused and hurt. She almost wanted to go and yell at Smackle for causing this, but, as she reminded herself, the two of them had shown up at the bakery holding hands. They had sat and talked to each other normally, and Farkle had eve initiated a hug with her before she left. Even if Farkle was hurt, he did not seem to be angry at Smackle, and therefore she could not be either.

"Talk to me, Farkle."

"There's nothing to talk about, Riley," he answered. "I'm fine."

"You are not," she rebutted immediately. "Don't pretend with me. I know you're not okay."

Farkle raised his both hands up to his face for a while. Eventually, with a haggard sigh, he moved his hands up through his hair before he looked at her. "Isadora and I broke up."

"I know. I'm sorry," she answered sadly. "I don't understand how this happened. You guys were okay yesterday, and now this?"

"We are okay," he replied. "I don't want you to worry. Like we said before, there's no animosity. We just...it was the right time for it to end."

"Why?" she asked, confused. "If everything was fine, why would you break up with her? You were perfect."

"Maybe we looked perfect," he answered with a chuckle, "but we weren't. I knew that for a while. Isadora knew it as well, although that did surprise me. She never gave any indication until today. But I'm glad that she knew. It made things a lot easier in the end. I didn't want to have to explain her own feelings to her."

"Farkle...I'm confused," Riley admitted.

"I'm sorry," he apologised. "When you and Maya first sent me to Isadora you told me that it would be good, that I would learn about feelings and love."

"We did."

"Well I did. On that front the mission was a success. I experienced so many things, good, bad and in between. I learnt to put words to the different things I feel, but-" Farkle broke off as he released an almost hysterical chuckle as he raised his hand to his forehead.

"Farkle?"

"You shouldn't be here, Riley," he said, glancing at her. "You didn't need to come."

"Where else would I be?" she asked. "You needed me."

Farkle let out that same weird chuckle again. "I thought that Isadora would be the one who needed guidance. That I would have to be the one to tell her what it was she was experiencing. That's how it works best with her, I've found. You explain once what she's experiencing and the appropriate response and she takes it, analyses it and incorporates it going forward. I have spent weeks trying to find out the best way to tell her that I believed that she wasn't in love with me anymore but...she knew. Isadora knew. Somehow, she'd figured it out on her own and came here to tell me that she finally put everything she was feeling into context. We're not meant to be with each other.

"That was okay, really it was," he added, briefly glancing towards her, "because, like I said, it wasn't anything I didn't know. I'd figured it out already. I had been working towards it. But then she told me...she said that we were indeed too alike, that even in this we were in the same situation. I-"

Farkle broke off again, and this time when he looked at her Riley felt her breath hitch because there was something different in Farkle's gaze there, a strong, poignant emotion that hit her like a punch to the gut. She could not look away from that gaze, and the more they looked at each other, the more a warmth started to pool in her stomach. It was Farkle who finally broke the eye-contact with an almost pained sound and buried his face in his hands once again.

"You do not need to be here, Riley," he said, repeating an earlier sentiment in an almost strained tone. "Not now."

She didn't answer him, couldn't answer him because she was still reeling a bit from the feeling that look of his had generated. She had felt this way before once, during her dad's class when she and the other girls had decried the inequality emerging out of the Science class. Farkle's earnest eyes then had stirred something in her that had caused her to lose her train of thought. She had forgotten about that until now, but now she felt herself reaching up to tug at the neck of her collar that was suddenly way too tight.

"What did Smackle tell you?" she asked, and this time, it was her who sounded almost strained.

"Don't ask me that," he snapped defensively, but Riley took no offense to that.

She let it be, acknowledging that she should not press him further on it, not right now. She hadn't come here to upset him further, and right now he seemed a bit better. Well, at least he did not seem as sad. He was far from happy though and that thought spurred her on. She closed the space between them, trying her best as she did to ignore the memory of that look they had shared just minutes before. What had that been about? He was still defensive, and watched her approach warily but Riley was not put off by it. She knew that he would not react badly to her touch, and so, gently, she took and laced her fingers with his.

She nearly pulled away instinctively when she felt a jolt of something race through her at the first touch of their fingers. Now that was a sensation she did not recall ever experiencing before. It felt…good. Why did it feel so good to touch him? It was different from their regular touches, a good difference, but still. Why was she feeling this?

His grip on her fingers were loose, but she tightened it curiously, marvelling at how that intensified the contact. Farkle lifted his head and looking at him she swore a swirl of emotions there: confusion, guilt, but also a generous heaping of pure Farkle. They were the emotions she always saw whenever he looked at her, but now they were at a higher intensity. She did not feel overwhelmed, or else she would have pulled away. It just felt nice, and without really noticing she shifted enough so that her head was pillowed on his shoulder, his dropping on top of hers immediately after.

Farkle muttered something indiscernible before he flexed his fingers. He took his hands from hers, but before she could react, had already wrapped his arm around her instead, pulling her that much closer into him. She liked that, and liked even more when he kissed her temple. She closed her eyes briefly to savour the contact. Seconds later though, her eyes flew open as she recalled the meditation she had done the night before. That coupled with what she was feeling…could Smackle have been right when she had said that the guided meditation had been accurate?

* 

Maya supposed that she knew that this would happen. It was probably why she had not bothered to lose herself in any important work because she knew that she would, eventually, be interrupted. Instead she had settled for practicing a new song on her guitar. She had started to play it a lot more in the past months. It was relaxing and soothing in a way that painting wasn't. Whenever she lost herself in art she tended to evoke and transfer those emotions into whatever it was that she was trying to portray. The sense of catharsis in the end was well worth the effort, but sometimes she just wanted to have her hands occupied with something that was not so draining. Strumming her grandmother's guitar was the perfect way to do just that.

She moved on from memorising notes to just letting her fingers practice the newly acquired chords and progressions, her head lolled lazily back against her wall with her eyes closed. She was competent enough now that she didn't need to worry about finding the right movements - her fingers knew the way.

There was a knock at her door, a five-patterned rap she had long since become familiar with. She let him wait a few seconds as she set aside the guitar and stood up. This was an inevitable conversation, though one she did not want to have. In hindsight, she was not sure that her eagerness to delay the conversation earlier had been a sound one seeing that now it would be just the two of them having this conversation. At least with Zay and Farkle present she would have been able to puppy-dog eye her way out of it.

He was not pleased with her, she noted There was no tell-tale brown bag in his hand with a chimiguna. But, maybe he had been too caught up in getting here to get her one? Yeah that was a lot more comforting a thought so she would go with that.

"Looking pretty upset there, Huckleberry," she said, her attempt at a jibbing tone falling flat.

"I'm not upset really," he responded. "I mean I was upset when Riley told me. Actually no," he said, his eyebrows quirking as he reclined against the door. "'Upset' isn't the right word. Angry? No...furious maybe. Riley had to sit on me to get me to not go have a little conversation with that wonderful boyfriend of yours that maybe would have gotten me sent back to Texas. I really think it would have been worth it."

"I told you no fighting," she said softly, her hands grasping and wrinkling the hem of her shirt agitatedly.

"And I told you to say something if he did anything off-kilter," he shot back instantly.

She had no response to that and so just dropped down onto the side of her bed. "I'm sorry?" she offered, her tone hopeful. Lucas' snort was answer enough to that attempt. She would get absolutely no sympathy from him. "I didn't think it was that bad?" she tried again.

"And your definition of not that bad extends to you being afraid of him?"

"I didn't mean it like that," she said. "What did Riley tell you guys? I misspoke. I told her that."

"That you did," he agreed. "But reading between the lines has always been important when it comes to what you say. So spare me the misspoke nonsense, Maya. Has he hurt you?"

"No!"

"Because I remember talking to you soon after that fight with him you told Riley about. You flinched away from me when I touched you. Did he hurt you?"

"He didn't," she said again, "honest. He just held me a bit too tight is all."

Lucas' eyes narrowed and Maya cursed herself for saying that. She had pretty much signed Shane's death warrant with those few words.

"He didn't mean it," she insisted, standing up quickly and walking to where he was. "Lucas I'm not lying. I'm not protecting him. He didn't hurt me deliberately. I was just sensitive that day."

"And I'm really supposed to believe that?"

"You are," she insisted. "Nothing happened. I swear, Lucas. He did not deliberately hurt me."

She held her breath, worried. Would Lucas believe her or would he really go after Shane? She didn't want that; could not let that happen. Thankfully though, Lucas relaxed-albeit minutely.

"Fine. He hasn't touched you," Lucas allowed, "but he has hurt you."

He finally left his position by the door and moved past her to sit on her bed, taking her hand and tugging her along behind him until she was next to him.

"How could you believe what he said?" Lucas asked, and Maya could hear the genuine confusion in his tone. "Why would you let him tell you those things to you? Why didn't you do something?"

That Maya couldn't answer immediately, so she instead lowered her head and started picking at her quilt to buy herself a moment. "I think I was ashamed," she mumbled, finally understanding why Riley had silent about being bullied in middle school for so long. It was humiliating that Shane believed that she lacked something fundamentally.

"Can we not talk about this?" she requested. "I know I should have said something. I know you think I should not have believed him. So can we just skip the in between and get to you making me promise to do better? Because I will."

"I don't think that exactly the sort of conversation we need to have," he responded mildly, even as he reached out, his thumb stroking along her jawline before he used his fingers to lift her head, forcing her to - reluctantly - stop the inspection of her quilt. "There you are," he joked when she made eye-contact with him. Despite herself, Maya giggled when his fingers tickled at her chin for a moment before he withdrew them. "There are two things we need to talk about. The first is why you're afraid of Shane."

"And the second?"

"Let's deal with the first one," he bid. "Now talk to me. What about him scares you?"

"It's hard to explain," she admitted. "He has a bit of a temper. He just...reacts, I guess, when he feels strongly about something. It makes me uncomfortable because he's unpredictable when he's like that. I never know what he's going to do or say. It makes me nervous. But that day was the first time he ever yelled at me. I don't like being yelled at, but I gave as good as I got. I want to be good for him, Lucas, but it's not easy. It's hard to always do what it is he wants me to, to act how he wants me to and that makes me afraid. I'm scared of how he reacts when I don't do things right because I don't want to disappoint him. He's unpredictable," she repeated, "sometimes he just laughs things off, other times he gets mad and I don't know what to do."

"That isn't right, Maya," Lucas said. "You have to know that that isn't right."

"It's not his fault. It's mine."

"How?" Lucas asked, his tone incredulous. "How can you hold yourself responsible?"

"Because I'm the one inciting his temper," she answered. "He wouldn't get upset if I don't put him in a position to be upset."

"I don't even know what to say to. If you can't see what's wrong in what you just said, I don't know what to do."

"I'm sorry," she apologised. "I'm sorry I'm making you worry about me."

"You do that a lot, you know," Lucas responded softly. "Do you even realise?"

"Do what?"

"Apologise," he elaborated. "I'd wondered. Whenever you think you've upset someone you apologise. Whenever you feel as if you're being an inconvenience, you apologise. You rarely did that before."

"Maybe I just learnt manners," she muttered.

"Or maybe you're just extending your behaviour beyond him," he rebutted gently. "You're never yourself when you're with him."

"You don't see me with him," she pointed out, even as she remembered that Liam had echoed a similar sentiment before.

"I see how you are after you've left him though," he commented, "and I see how you always have to pump yourself up before you go to him. That's not right."

"It's...complicated," she said. "I-I don't want to get into it."

"Maya-"

"I've talked to my mom and Shawn about it. I swear. I just...please don't make me rehash it."

For a moment Lucas looked like he would protest but then he nodded. "I'll respect that,"

"Thank you," she said, relieved. They were both silent for a moment, before, recalling something he had said earlier, Maya asked, "You said you had a second question?"

"I did," he responded.

He didn't seem eager to ask it, she noted, taking in the way he jostled his leg a bit. She put her hand on it to still the movement, and though he smiled in response, briefly stroking his fingers along the back of hers, she noticed that the smile, was, at the very least, tinged with sadness.

"I don't understand, Maya," he admitted. "This is something I've thought about a lot. Being with Shane is stressful for you. You just said yourself that you have to try with him, that you have to work hard to make him happy. You're always fretting and yet you are still with him."

"What's your question?" she asked robotically, her senses on alert.

"Do you really like him so much?" Lucas asked. "Is he so important to you that you continue to try after all this time?"

Maya's eyes widened at his question.

"You must like him," Lucas continued when she didn't immediately answer. "Why else would you put with any of this? It goes against who you are. You don't mince words with people. You don't take any sort of nonsense from anyone, and yet you've been doing it ever since you started dating him. Why do you put up with it? Does he mean so much to you that you're willing to look past all the problems you have with him?"

"I-" she broke off, uncertain of what to say.

"You've done nothing but defend him to me, to all of us, Maya."

"Because he isn't bad, Lucas."

"Because you like him," he shot back, his tone frustrated before, a second later, he sighed and pressed his hand against his forehead. Maya watched as he stood and moved to her window, pressing his forearm and the glass and resting his forehead against it as he looked out into the street.

Maya did not know what exactly was happening, where Lucas' thoughts were leading him, but his silence was beginning to unnerve her, though she did not want to risk breaking it. She settled for the next best thing and pulled Vincent to her chest (the bear finally named after she had seen the Van Gogh episode of Doctor Who) before hugging him tightly as she just waited. She wasn't sure how much time passed, but finally, after knocking the side of his fist once against her window sill, he turned. His expression was almost melancholic as he observed her.

"Am I the problem?" he asked, the question startling her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she returned, shakily.

"Exactly what I asked," he answered. "Am I the problem? Every issue you've had with Crawford, every argument, it's been because of me, right?"

Maya stiffened at the question, even as her mind raced as she thought about any every major incident. That time when Zander had been stuffing notes into her bag and Shane had gotten upset, thinking she was hiding something from him, something he had obviously thought was from Lucas. His reaction when he and Riley had come to the office and found them together. The confrontation he and Lucas had had the day she had brought him to Topanga's. The way he got moody whenever he came to get her from her friends and found her a little too close to Lucas, even if she actually hadn't been speaking with him. His explosion after seeing the picture of them at New Year's, and the echoing warning Liam had issued telling her that all hell would break loose if he ever found out that she and Lucas met up like this often.

Lucas was indeed the common denominator in all those instances. Lucas was the reason Shane had set all those boundaries, had forced her to become more secretive. Lucas wasn't wrong. Her relationship to him was indeed the source of most, if not all of the problems she dealt with with Shane.

Reluctantly, she nodded.

"I'm standing in your way then," Lucas said, as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. "I...I never questioned it before. I don't like Shane. I've never liked him."

"Lucas-"

"I hate how he treats you, the claim he feels he has on you. But am I the cause of it?"

"I-"

"If I was never a factor, would any of this have happened? Would everything be okay?"

"Why are you asking these things?"

"I'm the problem," he continued, ignoring her question. "I-I thought I was doing the right thing. Being here, talking to you, monitoring everything. Being your...friend," he said, his voice cracking on the word. "I don't know why I thought -" Lucas broke off and shook his head before taking a deep breath and looking back up at her. "Of course I'm wrong. You do like Shane. You have to," he said. "That's the only reason you would put up with everything he's done, why you'd try to change for him. You hate losing people you care about, and you don't want to lose him. You really do care for Shane and I'm the one standing in the way of that. I won't anymore."

"Lucas?" she said questioningly, even as she felt her heart rate starting to increase.

This could not be happening, right? Lucas really could not be proposing what she thought he was. Lucas thought that she liked Shane - really liked Shane - and that that was why she was being so stubborn, why she refused to do what she knew that he would want, to break up with him. It was a logical assumption, though oh so wrong.

"I think we need to stop this for now, Maya," Lucas said then, his tone almost sad, "stop all of this."

"What do you mean?" she asked, her voice barely escaping through a suddenly too dry throat.

"All of this," he answered, freeing a hand to gesture in the space between them. "I don't want to be the source of your problems, princess."

"You're not," she answered, her voice wavering. This could not be happening. It just could not.

"You don't want me to be," he returned, "and I don't want to be, but it's obvious, isn't it? You like Shane - you want to be with Shane, and whether or not I agree with it, with his behaviour towards you, it's your choice. Maybe you are right. Maybe Shane isn't so bad and I just can't see it because I only see this side of you when you're dealing with him, the side that's scared, uncertain. Maybe if I wasn't a factor then things would be better for you."

"Lucas no," she said as she tossed Vincent aside and scrambled up and across the room to him, grabbing onto his shirt with her hands, looking up desperately into his eyes. "I cannot lose you," she told him, feeling her eyes starting to burn. "Please don't leave me."

"I'm not leaving you," he reassured her, his hands moving to grasp her sides. "We're not fighting, we're not over. We just need space, a lot of space," he said, gently but firmly pushing her backwards until she had no choice but to release him. "I don't want this, Maya," he admitted, "but I've never been neutral in any of this, and that's the problem. If I was I'd never have let any of this reach to this point. You chose Shane. I never respected that. It's hard to respect that," he added with a sort of self-depreciating laugh, "but I will now. For your sake."

Maya felt as if she was being torn apart. Lucas would be unrelenting in this, she knew, and nothing she could say would change his mind. Well, there was one thing, she knew. The thing she had realised the night before, the thing she had admitted to her mother when finally she had been able to pull back from their tight embrace. There were three words that would solve this dilemma perfectly, but, she realised with a sinking feeling, even as she felt her eyes start to burn, they were three words she definitely could not say.

Now it was her clenching her fists tightly, her nails digging to the point of pain into the skin of her palms as, with an inhale of breath that sounded awfully similar to a sniff, she stepped back from him, increasing the distance between them even further.

"Okay," she said, striving and barely managing to insert some strength in her voice. "Okay."

"Can you look at me and say that?" Lucas asked. "Let me see that you're really okay with this."

It was hard to do so, and Maya knew that her eyes were brimming with tears, but she lifted her chin anyway, forcing herself to look into his eyes. "We'll do this your way."

"This isn't my way," he corrected gently, and she could see the profound sadness in his own eyes as he continued, "but it is the best way. I won't stand in the way of your relationship anymore, Maya. Just promise me one thing."

"Anything," she answered, taking a shuddering breath.

"Remember your worth," he said simply. "You are not broken. You have never been broken and you will never be broken. You are no-one but yourself and no-one except you gets to decide who you are and who you will be. Don't let Shane try to define you, and don't let him influence you in ways you don't want to be influenced. Stand up for yourself. You're Maya Penelope Hart, the girl no one looks in the eye. Remember that. You aren't afraid of anyone, and you definitely should not be afraid of him."

"I'll try not to be," she near-whispered, feeling her heart collapsing in on itself even as she strove to keep that from showing on her face.

"Don't try," he said. "Don't be afraid of him. What I told you before still applies as well. Talk to people."

"Talking to you is the easiest," she pointed out.

"You're best off talking to people who are neutral."

"I don't have anyone like that."

"You'll make do," he said, and she could see a flicker of emotion in his eyes as he said that. This was hard for him as well, she realised, and surprisingly that calmed her. Somehow knowing that Lucas had difficulty in establishing this reassured her. It let her know that this wasn't a cruel act. He really did believe this would be good for her.

"I can still talk to you, right?"

"That's not going to change," he promised. "We'll still have our time at Topanga's. We'll still have our early mornings and breaks, but us being alone like this, that is what's ending. Nothing else. I'll still be right here when you need me."

"Okay," she said.

"I guess I'll go now," he said after a silence descended upon them. "You alright, Maya?"

"I will be."

"That's good enough for now," he answered.

He started for the door and she crossed her arms prepared to watch him leave. When he was almost there she nearly did it, nearly blurted out everything she felt, consequences be damned because she knew that that would stop him, would make him backtrack and re-think this decision. But she knew that she couldn't. It would be selfish of her, because she knew that only chaos would reign if she admitted the truth to Lucas. Fleeting happiness on her path would cause pain for too many people.

And though it nearly killed her to do so, Maya held back, biting down on her lip until finally Lucas was out of her room, out of the apartment. Only when she heard the distant click of the front door did she move, and even then it was only to sink back down onto the bed and hug Vincent tightly to her chest as noted with sad irony that her mother was right. Everything was imploding. But who would have expected her to lose Lucas before Shane?

* 

"So I hear today was quite interesting," Topanga said after taking a sip of her coffee. It was after ten, and she and Katy, after waving off the last of the customers had flipped the sign on the door before settling down for a bit of relaxation before they headed to their respective homes.

"I know," Katy said, lowering her mug to the counter. "The one day I come in late is the day breakups happen."

"Stewart told me," Topanga revealed. "He called to tell me that Riley was staying for dinner and told me what was going on."

"From what Ben said everything was cordial," she answered, referring to the college student who part-timed for a bit of extra cash, "but then again I don't think I could even imagine those two fighting."

"I feel a bit guilty," Topanga admitted. "Do you think something we said caused this?"

"If it did then it was for the greater good," Katy said firmly, thinking back to Maya on the roof. "Those kids have been way too comfortable for way too long."

"I suppose," Topanga allowed. "Anyway, where were you today? You just said you were scheduling Ben to work this morning but you didn't say why."

Katy shrugged and took her mug back up, cradling it in her hands before she spoke again, looking down. "I did not want to jinx it."

"Jinx what?" Topanga asked, her interest immediately piqued. "Did you have an audition today? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it wasn't just a regular ole audition," Katy admitted, "and maybe I barely believed what was happening myself so I didn't want to say anything before I realised it was just a dream." Katy looked at her, and Topanga's breath hitched from excitement as she saw the cautious joy in Katy's eyes. "I haven't even told Shawn yet, you know."

"Yeah, well Shawn finally gets to be second-fiddle," Topanga declared, leaning forward excitedly. "Spill Katy Grace!"

The blonde woman chuckled at that before speaking. "I had a call back for a role I auditioned for months ago," she finally admitted. "I'd forgotten about it actually. There was this flier in the grocer's asking for audition tapes for an indie film. I emailed and they sent me a few pages of a script and told me to submit an audition tape. They called me last Monday and said they wanted me to come in this morning and to run through a few more scenes. Topanga...there was only three of us there and after the first two hours he asked one of the other women to leave."

"So it's down to the two of you?" Topanga said, a broad smile forming on her lips.

"It was this morning," Katy agreed. "That call I took earlier? That was from the director. Topanga, I got the part. I'm the lead actress. I'm making a movie."

Topanga let out a small shriek of joy at that and in seconds their drinks were discarded as Topanga hugged her tightly, so happy for her. This had been Katy's dream for so long - ever since she had first performed on a theatre stage back in middle school, and now, finally, after all these years, Katy's life had aligned perfectly for her to reach to this point. "I'm so happy for you," Topanga said, grinning as she pulled back. "You've worked so hard for this."

"I wouldn't have gotten here without you," Katy told her, her eyes glimmering. "Topanga, I wouldn't have had the time or the cash to start back auditioning if you hadn't hired me here."

"It was all you," Topanga corrected. It was one of the things she had sat down and discussed with Katy back when she'd shown up in the diner out of the blue one day with an offer that Katy just couldn't refuse. A new job, not just as a waitress but as a manager, complete with actual benefits and a salary that had had her questioning Topanga's sanity when she had first offered it to her. More than that had come a clear cut agreement that they both knew that this was not a permanent position for her, that, without hesitation, Topanga would always allow her to have the time off she needed to explore any pursuit she was interested in alongside ensuring that at least four days a week, she would be home in time to spend time with her daughter and now-fiancé. "I'm so proud of you, Katy."

"He's already started talking about scheduling and stuff," Katy said while Topanga returned to her seat. "Pre-production starts about a week after we get back. I can't believe how many things are changing."

"For the better," Topanga added. "A new husband, a new career…"

"I hardly think one movie counts as a career," Katy said, with a laugh.

"Your foot is in the door, baby," Topanga said with a wink. "There's no looking back now."

"You have so much faith in me," Katy said softly, her eyes growing tender. "I don't know what I would do without you."

Katy had expected her friend to either bashfully brush off the compliment, or even to make a witty retort, but surprisingly, the joy on Topanga's face faded and her fingers started to tap against her mug. "Topanga?" she asked, concerned, "what's wrong?"

"You're not the only one with news, I suppose," the woman revealed. "Though I'm not sure if mine actually qualifies as a good thing."

"What happened?" she asked.

Topanga sighed. "You know how I told you one of the partners in the firm kept saying he had good news for me?"

"Yeah, you wanted to kick him for keeping you in suspense."

"I still might," she joked, causing them both to chuckle. "Well...he told me yesterday."

"Is that why you were so quiet during dinner?" she asked. "I just thought you were gassy from too many beans."

"I don't suffer with gas," Topanga retorted, causing Katy to snicker before she grew serious. "I've only ever worked for that firm," Topanga said. "Straight out of college. It's how we ended up in New York actually. They interviewed college students from everywhere and chose me. They gave me an internship and a scholarship, and even let me put off law school for a bit because I'd always wanted to study Political Science. I'm one of their best attorneys; I worked my way straight up to junior partner."

"And?" Katy asked when Topanga fell silent.

"And they want to make me a full partner," Topanga said.

"But Topanga that's great news!" Katy protested, reaching over to take her hand in hers. "Isn't it?" she added when the other woman only sort of shrugged in response.

"They're expanding the firm," Topanga said softly. "They want me to take the lead at one of those new locations."

"Which location?" Katy asked, her tone lowering as she sensed the unease in Topanga's voice.

"London."

* 

"What did Cory say?" Katy asked a while later while, after they both drunk and poured themselves more coffee. "Cory does not know," she admitted. "I haven't breathed a word to anyone besides you."

"Well what do you think he would say?"

"I think he'd take one look at the figure they're offering and shout "God Save the Queen!"" she said with a dry chuckle. "It's a great offer. They're offering us a town house to live in and they'll help get Riley and Auggie into an international school so they can have a blended curriculum in case they want to come back here when they're older."

"That's a great offer," Katy admitted, before adding, more softly, "I'll miss you."

"I haven't decided anything," Topanga said quickly. "I-I have a few weeks to decide, and it's something I definitely need to think about. I've always wanted to be a partner, but I don't know if it's the best decision for my family."

"Well I think they'd agree this is a great opportunity for you. Look at Lucas. He's flourished here in New York."

"He can take a train back to Texas at a moment's whim," she pointed out. "I have to consider everyone. It'd be great for Cory. He wouldn't even have to work. That'll give him the time to go back to school. John's been telling him for a while now that he needs to get a move on that Masters if he wants a shot at being a principal but he keeps putting it off. He'd have no excuse then."

"That's true," Katy said, trying to keep her tone neutral.

"But then there's Riley and Auggie. They won't take it well. I didn't take it well when my parents moved us before my senior year. I walked right back home and moved in with my aunt. Can you imagine those two? They'll try to paddle back over in an open suitcase."

"They may surprise you, you know," Katy said, "especially Riley. She's growing up."

"That's true," Topanga acknowledged with a soft smile. "But...we have so much here in New York. And how can I ask Cory to move again? He already came to New York because of me. Now I'm going to drag him to a next country? Shawn's in New York now, for god's sake. Cory's living his best life. How can I ask him to leave that?"

"You can because you're the love of his life and there's not a thing he would not do for you," Katy said gently, "including follow you wherever you want to go."

"I know that," Topanga said, sighing. "It doesn't make it any easier. He'll always do what he thinks is best for me. I'm the one who has to consider if it's best for all of us."

"What can I do?" Katy asked her. "How can I help?"

"Pack Shawn and Maya in a suitcase and come with me?" she asked, her tone hopeful.

Katy snorted at that and settled for resting her head briefly against the woman's shoulder. She had no doubt that, with time, Topanga would make the best decision.

* 

"Well this isn't awkward in the least," Zay commented, as first Farkle and then Smackle slid into the booth across from him.

He hadn't been to this cafe before, but, given the science themed design of the place, he correctly guessed that this was a place that these two frequented, probably due to the number of museums nearby. Smackle had been the one to invite him here, a short to the point message that he instantly accepted. She hadn't indicated that Farkle would be with her, and truthfully, he had come here with a slight inkling of what Smackle wanted to discuss, though he had no clue what he would say in response. He didn't know if Farkle being here would make things easier or more difficult.

The two of them breaking up had thrown him for a loop, especially when Smackle had kept her eyes on him, accessing his every reaction, reactions he could not hide. Oh, there was the initial shock and worry of how the breakup would change their group dynamics, but way beneath that worry was a sense of elation that he had had to forcibly stomp down. His friends breaking up was not something that was supposed to bring him joy, even if it did, seemingly, put him a bit closer to realising a desire he had been ignoring for a while now.

Even now, he forced himself not to dwell on it, forced himself not to look at Smackle with new eyes, eyes that plainly saw that the girl seated to Farkle's was now single and available and looked far too cute in that dress for her own good.

"So," he asked, once they had settled in, pushing away those thoughts, "you guys wanted to talk about something?"

"Farkle will begin," Smackle said shortly. "There is a different menu here each day. I have never tried the one for Sundays."

Farkle shook his head at her words with a sort of fondness, while Zay felt his mouth twitch when the teenager indeed pulled a menu towards her and opened it, instantly lost to the rest of the world. There was never a dull moment with her around.

"We're still working on that," Farkle said wryly.

"Eh, she's fine," Zay contradicted. "She's got her priorities straight. Food comes first."

Farkle, far from chuckling at the joke, said seriously, "One more thing that proves how different we are."

"Well of course we're different," Zay said, still clinging on to humour, his best defence against awkwardness, "I'm short, dark, handsome and witty. You're the one with the grades."

"Farkle is also handsome," Smackle said idly, her eyes not lifting off the menu, "and you are intelligent."

"Thank you, Isadora," Farkle said. "Zay, I have to talk to you about what happened between Isadora and I."

"I really don't need the details of this," he told him. "You guys said you're cool. That's good enough for me."

"No, you need to understand," Farkle insisted. "You have a part to play in this."

Zay swallowed at that, realising that his inclination was right. He couldn't help but glance to Smackle, who was flipping to a next page. She lifted her head, as if sensing his gaze.

"I know what I want," she said, startling him.

"I-"

"I shall order for us."

Zay deflated at that, realising that she'd been still talking about food.

"They'll come take our order," Farkle reminded her.

"No. I am giving you a semblance of privacy to talk. I will be at the counter."

"Subtle you ain't," Zay grumbled.

"I do not see the point of it," she returned, as she scooted out of the booth.

"She's one of a kind," Farkle remarked, smiling fondly after her.

"She is."

"Zay," Farkle said once they watched her sit, "we really do need to talk so let's not waste any time. Isadora likes you. We both know that. She believes that you like her as well. Is that true?"

"Is that why you broke up?" he asked.

"A question to a question gets us nowhere."

"I'm not sure where you expect this to go," Zay admitted, "or what it is you want me to say. If you think I caused you to break up with Smackle, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen."

"I'm not accusing you of anything," Farkle said in a reassuring tone. "There's nothing nefarious going on here Zay. I just need everything laid out in the open. Neither of us lied yesterday when we said we were fine. Isadora and I are okay. We will never not be okay."

"You didn't seem fine yesterday," Zay pointed out. "You were pretty darn upset if you ask me."

"Okay."

"Like forces repel," he began. "It's something I've always believed to be true. I put that aside though Isadora and I first got together. Everything worked fine for a time and I thought I had been wrong, that maybe that principle did not apply to relationships. After all we got along great. We could talk for hours on end. We never get bored with each other. We shared all the same interests. It was great. great. We were great. Great for each other. Isadora kept me on my toes. She's my superior in nearly everything academic and that encourages me to learn. In everything else, I take the lead. We balance each other off, picking up where each of us lacks. I thought we were perfect."

"And yet you broke up."

"Because we were too perfect," Farkle said. "I don't think you'd transferred here yet when Mr. Matthews gave us an assignment. He paired Maya and I and Lucas and Riley. I think we lasted a day before we all asked for a change in partners."

"Why?"

"Because Lucas and Riley shared the same perspective. There was nothing for them to learn from each other and Riley got frustrated by it."

"And you and Maya?"

"We just didn't click," he said with a shrug. "I'm no match for Maya. She had me doing everything and even it annoyed me there was nothing I could do. I just couldn't motivate her to do something she wasn't interested in. That was Lucas' forte."

"Still is," he said, something that caused them both to laugh.

Once their mirth had faded, Farkle continued speaking. "Isadora said that she no longer has romantic inclinations towards me, and while that is fine, I know there is more to it than that. There had to be a reason why her feelings for me shifted. I stayed awake for a very long working out why those feelings transferred from me to you. I think that it is the difference between us that caused it."

Zay squirmed, a bit uncomfortable about how….at ease Farkle was as he spoke. He was so matter-of-fact about Smackle having feelings for him, as if it were something perfectly normal, acceptable even. But then again, he conceded, it wasn't as if any of this was really a surprise. Hadn't Smackle, on Christmas Eve, all but admitted openly that she had liked him while searching his face for signs of the same? Hadn't he and Farkle had a near confrontation that had ended with Farkle admitting that all he really wanted was for the girl to be happy, even if it wasn't with him? And had he, himself not, on either occasion, try to the things they were implying?

"The difference?" Zay asked, regardless, tentatively, trying to decipher where Farkle's mind lay when it came to this.

"You have a different perspective on everything. When I try to assist Isadora I do it from a more...grounded approach. I have read so much about Aspergers and I can quote you all the things experts have proven work and do not work to help someone dealing with it and I work according to it. And I thought I was doing a good job. I was doing a good job because it helped our relationship progress to where it was...but it couldn't move any further.

"I talked to my dad about it this morning and he helped me work out a few things. He said that when two people are too alike, stagnation occurs. You don't develop any further, individually and as a couple. It's not that opposites attract - there must be some similarities - but there must also be enough divergence to allow for development, to allow for the people in the relationship to continue to flourish. He said he would not be half the man he is now if it wasn't for my mother teaching him how to be stronger, more forceful and assertive and he taught her the value of patience, of taking the gentler approach to life.

"I kept thinking, where did Isadora and I have to go? And I finally got the answer. Nowhere. We were going absolutely nowhere. We're the same and so there would never be anything left for us to learn. We would only keep pushing each other on the same things over and over and even though that would help one aspect of our lives, what about the rest? Where's the difference? Where's the things we have to learn?

"I think Isadora realised that a while now, even if she can't exactly phrase it and that's why she started to look for that difference, a different perspective, a different understanding, a different approach, and she's found that with you. And from that, feelings began to develop. And I respect that Zay. I told you. All I would ever want is for her to be happy, and if that is not with me then so be it. I've seen the two of you together. You are great friends, but in the same way Riley and Maya pushed Isadora and I together to explore our feelings and figure out how these emotions work, I think that it's my time to pass the torch on to you. I'm glad it's you. I know you and I trust you and I know that you would always have Isadora's best interest at heart, no matter what happens moving forward."

Zay swallowed, taken aback at Farkle's words. He looked across the room to where Isadora was and found her staring right back at them, clutching her hands together anxiously. Zay understood why. This truly was a big moment - for all of them - but especially for Isadora who now saw before her the potential for disaster. She had given up Farkle and in doing so had risked tearing her comfortable life asunder, something he knew that she had been afraid of happening for a while now. The tables had turned, just as she had implied before. Somehow, they had become the centre of the explosion. This wasn't her worrying about the state of her relationship due to Farkle's potential feelings for Riley, dreading the day he worked out those feelings because it could mean her getting pushed out of the friend group she had only now joined because she was Farkle's girlfriend. This was her, months later, figuring out and accepting that she was the one with changed feelings, feelings for another, and, having seen the disaster of a triangle that half of their group had fallen into, she was loathe to participate in one.

And so, even though she had somehow gathered the courage to initiate the break up, she was afraid to proceed, afraid of handling things in a way that would lead to fall out That was why she had brought Farkle along. It wasn't, as Farkle believed, for the two of them to sort through things. This was for her to have actual proof that her past and potential present could coincide, that he and Farkle could remain friends despite the changed circumstance.

Zay nodded his head slightly, coming to a decision. "Come here, won't you sugar?" he called, beckoning her over.

Smackle, no, he corrected, Isadora, listened and came back to the booth, only hesitating slightly before she sat down beside him, her eyes wide behind those large glasses of hers. "Yes?" she asked.

"I wanted you to hear this without straining your ears over there," he said, his tone mildly

"You are still friends?" she asked, looking between them. "There shall be no fights?"

"Do you want a fight?" Zay asked before luaghing when she shook her head.

"I was wrong. I want no triangles or quadrilaterals. I just want...my friends."

"So we're friends?" Zay asked, arching a brow at her.

Isadora frowned at that and looked at Farkle. "You have always been my friend. Even when we were nemeses, I liked you. Then you became my boyfriend and now you are my...ex?"

He shook his head. "We aren't ex-anything, okay?" he said. "We're just friends, best friends even."

"But that is your title for Lucas."

"I have demoted him."

"Will he be okay with that?"

"He'll just have to beg Zay to take him back."

"Hey, we never stopped being best friends," Zay protested. "You just slithered your way in and Lucas didn't have the heart to correct you."

"Whatever," he said. "What are you thinking, Isadora?" he asked, looking to where she sat quietly with a thoughtful expression.

"Farkle, you are my best friend."

"I am," he confirmed. "And I will always love you."

"I shall love you too," she returned before turning back to him. "Zay, you are now Lucas' best friend."

"I never stopped."

"And I am no longer Farkle's girlfriend," she said, following the pattern logically, "so what am I to you?"

* 

"Well I think that ends my role here," Farkle announced, causing them both to look at him.

"Farkle?"

"Whatever happens now, whatever happens between the two of you moving forward is okay with me," he told them, his tone sincere. "Zay, you are my friend. You know how important she is to me, but I also know how important she is to you. I don't think I have anything to worry about here. I'll leave you to it."

Isadora didn't reply, but she didn't need to. They had said everything that needed to be said the day before and on the walk here. Zay though gave him a last, searching look, and sensing that his friend needed a bit more reassurance that he truly was okay with this, he nodded, and when he got up, walked to Isadora and nudged her a bit closer towards Zay before walking away.

He didn't leave immediately, but instead stopped at the counter to actually order something for his two friends, leaving some money to cover it. He watched them in the few minutes it took the woman behind the counter to make him a hot tea to go. He was glad about what he saw. Isadora's expression was rapt as she listened to whatever Zay was telling her, and he, in turned, listened attentively whenever she spoke. At one point he reached out and gently touched Isadora's cheek, and Farkle smiled when she leaned into the gesture easily. Isadora truly had come far, he acknowledged, recall the time and effort it had taken for her to get used to him sitting beside her, far less for him actually attempting to hug her.

He did not begrudge Zay for his easy interaction with her. Indeed, he saw it as a point of pride with himself that he had had a role in helping the teenager develop to this point where she could interact quite easily with others, even on an intimate level. He collected his tea, and lingered for a little bit longer, just long enough to see Isadora shift enough so that she was pressed against Zay's side. Yeah, that was a big step. He smiled, and knowing it would be something they'd appreciate later on, used his phone to snap a couple of quick photos of what he would label their first date before he quietly exited the cafe.

The times were changing, he thought, exhaling and watching the puff that the action caused, but at least Isadora was and would continue to be happy with Zay. Now it was just him, on his own, and while he had been prepared for that for a while now, the reality of the situation was a bit different. He had always envisioned himself as being altruistic, stepping aside for Isadora's good, for her benefit.

But now, as he walked, something weighed heavily on his mind, a question Isadora had posed to him after noting his non-reaction to her request to break up and her admission that she had feelings for Zay. She had asked him if he were certain that she was the one he had feelings for, because, in her estimation, he didn't and that was why she felt confident enough about breaking things off with him. She believed that they would both be okay.

Her inquiry had left him with a stone in his stomach, a sensation that now returned since he was once again thinking about it. There was a saying to do unto others as you would want them to do unto you, and keeping with that principle he had been most gracious and accommodating with Zay just now, gallantly backing away while reassuring him that he was okay with what was happening. Would he be so fortunate in the future if the positions were reversed and he was now the one having an awkward conversation with a friend? Or was that even a conversation that could ever happen? And if it did, how, on earth, would Lucas react to it?


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this chapter onward the story is really going to start to 'earn' it's M rating, ie there is the possibility for "non-explicit suggestive adult themes, references to some violence, or coarse language". While (language aside) the story will go no 'darker' than the likes of some plotlines that occurred in Boy Meets World (for those who've seen it) I'm definitely not confined by the 'rules' Girl Meets World had to conform to and I'm taking advantage of that.

The weather was a lot better these days, Maya noted as she neared what she had come to think of as Liam's park. The sun was actually peeking out and a jacket was more than sufficient, though she was careful to keep it buttoned. Oh, she wasn't deluding herself. Winter was far from over, but it was nice to have a respite from the gloom and snow. She stopped in the entrance to the park and looked around. This was definitely one place that wasn't benefitting from the change in temperature, she noted sadly. It was as dreary and desolate as she remembered it being the last time she had been here. Liam cut a similar figure and seemed to blend in perfectly with the environment. She sighed and walked to meet him, watching as he took up a brown paper bag from beside him and took a deep drink before setting it back down. What odd packaging she thought as she neared him.

Her feet crunching over some lingering dead leaves gave her presence away and he looked up, his expression guarded for a moment before he relaxed seeing that it was just her.

"Took you long enough," he said and Maya frowned. Why was he talking so loud? She wasn't that far away from him.

"You called me like an hour ago," she pointed out as she sat next to him. "And didn't you say you were spending the weekend at Alex's?"

"Decided to cut it short," he answered. "He didn't deserve his weekend ruined."

"So you preferred to ruin mine?"

"Yeah well misery likes company," he said and she smiled at the barest hint of humour that laced his words.

"You heard what happened," she deduced, not really questioning how he had heard about it.

"Lucas texted me," he replied. "Asked me to keep a bit closer of an eye on you for him. I told him that that wasn't particularly a good idea, but I think he thought I was joking. Most people think I'm joking when I'm being serious, and then they act all surprised when shit happens."

Maya cocked an eyebrow at that. Liam was far from a paragon of virtue on any level, but he usually didn't swear in everyday contexts. That was usually reserved for the privacy of a bedroom when he got a little too into whatever it was that he was playing.

"What is that?" she asked when he took up his drink and took a next gulp of it.

"The best remedy for life," he replied and held it out to her.

She took it from him and raised it to her nose, pulling back when she took too big a whiff and ended up with a burning nose. "This is alcohol!"

"A little louder, won't ya? I don't think the people over there heard you," he said gruffly, gesturing to the far-off apartments.

"Why are you drinking?" she hissed, hugging the bottle to her when he meant to grab it away.

"Hell, don't tell me you're some sort of moral police now," he groaned. "I brought you here for a good time, Blondie. If you're going to rain on my parade hand it over and get the fuck out of here."

Maya gave him a wide-eyed look. Now that was a level of venom that Liam had never directed her way. Was that the alcohol talking or had she actually done something to upset him?

"I'm not going anywhere," she said firmly, deciding to stand her ground for now. She set the bottle on the opposite side of her, far enough out of his reach that she would have fair warning if he decided to drink again. As far as she was concerned, he had had more than enough. She had no idea if that bottle had been full when he'd started and honestly she hoped that it wasn't because it was suspiciously light at this point.

"I don't want you here."

"You called me."

"Well that was a mistake."

"Well that's too damn bad," she retorted, "because now you have to deal with me. So you want to tell me what's going on or are you just going to be a stupid drunk?"

"I am not drunk!" he declared and Maya actually winced at how loud his voice was.

"Fine," she said, resisting the urge to rub at her ear even as she - wisely - put some distance between them for the sake of her hearing. "You're not drunk. You're tipsy. Why are you having a party of one?"

"Because I might as well get used to this state of being," he answered, gesturing wildly with his hands. "All alone. This is the best way for Liam to be. All by his lonesome self so that no one needs to worry and no one needs to want me."

"Something happened with your mom," she rightly guessed at that, watching as his face crumpled immediately. "Dammit, Liam. Why don't you ever tell me before something happens? You always spring this out of nowhere."

"It's better for the narrative," he grumbled.

"Whatever," she muttered. He seemed calmer now, or at least not as belligerent as he had moments before. She felt confident enough therefore to reach out and touch him, putting her hand on his shoulder. "What happened?"

"Mommy dearest wants to talk to me," he answered, his voice slurring slightly as he rocked forward, pressing his forehead into his hand. "She told her lawyer that it's not fair that she doesn't have any access to me during all of this, that my guardians can do and say whatever they want to make me hate her."

"As if you need a reason to," Maya said darkly, her eyes automatically drifting to Liam's arm where his long scar was hidden beneath his clothing.

"Uncle Jake protested against it, but she is right. Technically now that her probation is over there's nothing legally keeping her away from me so she's in her rights to ask. The lawyers said that a show of faith may have been a good thing, to show that we're willing to negotiate. At this point they're telling Uncle Jake that it may be a good idea to stop this before it reaches the court, that we should offer some visitations, if only two weekends a month or something.

"I told you that the judge is a hard-ass right? His history of rulings show a strong preference towards giving custody to mothers. He's even done that in cases where mothers lost custody for neglect."

"Why would he do that?" she asked, feeling anger towards this man she had never even met. "Besides, you're sixteen. You get a say in who you stay with."

"You know that?" Liam asked, and though his eyes were glassy and pupils slightly dilated, Maya could still discern a hint of genuine surprise beneath the alcohol.

"Of course, I do. I've been researching on it. Why wouldn't I? It concerns you."

Liam blinked - albeit slowly - and after a few seconds Maya saw a look of almost tenderness cross his eyes before it was gone.

His voice though, was gentler when next he spoke. "He's a firm believer in second chances. And, to be honest, I've heard that things really do work out sometimes for the mothers and kids. But those mothers aren't mines. None of them hate their kid for being themselves. Her lawyers are arguing that it wasn't her. That it was alcohol mixing badly with her drugs that made her violent that day, but they weren't there, they didn't live in that fucking apartment and heard her...and saw her…they don't know what she did to me."

There was nothing but grim bitterness in Liam's tone as he talked and Maya felt goose-bumps raise on her skin. The implications were there, and honestly, she had always gotten the impression that that incident with Liam's mother had not been a onetime thing. It seemed now as if her inkling had been right and she hated the woman for it.

"They keep saying that she's changed. That she's gotten her life together now and deserves a chance to reconcile with me. That I need to reconcile with her for my own sake. The only thing I need are a couple of hundred miles between us. Nothing else matters."

Maya was silent for a moment, though she did slap his hand away when he tried to reach over her for the bottle. He grumbled, but retreated, still muttering to himself for the long moments it took her to find the best way to ask something.

"Is it possible that..." she paused, and glancing at him, decided that perhaps subtlety was not precisely what it was he needed right now in his state. "Is there any chance that they might be right? That she has changed?"

She braced herself, not sure what his reaction to that would be. She had been prepared for anything, from more cursing to him growing more despondent or even to him storming off angrily. Instead, his muttering just stopped and now it was her time to wait on him.

"Doesn't matter if she's changed," he answered. "It only mattered what she did to me. If she hurt me once she'll hurt me again. She cut me and I cut her out," he said, his voice rising slightly, "she doesn't just get to try to come back in. You don't let people you've cut back in," he said firmly, "you just don't. Didn't I tell you that? You don't let them back in. You just bring yourself more problems. If you cut someone out just let them go. It's easier that way."

Was it though? Maya could remember the first time they'd talked about it, and she'd even implemented it. But...did it really work out for the better? She wasn't sure...she didn't think so. But then again, she hadn't been as rigid about it as Liam had been. Hadn't she allowed nearly everyone she'd attempted to cut back in? And while, admittedly, it had caused her some problems since, she couldn't decide if she would have chosen otherwise if she had had a second chance. That she would regret letting them back in. Some good had come of it, that was undeniable.

But then again, in the grand scheme of things, nothing she had gone through compared to the pain and misery that Liam had endured. She remembered what he had said once, that he liked hearing about her problems because they were an escape from him. Her problems were a source of relief for him, what she thought of as being god-awful was actually amusing to him, and therefore, she supposed they weren't that important at all. She had spent so much of her time lately dreading her relationships, and here was a kid beside her who didn't even know what his living circumstances would be in the future.

She had no right to feel sorry for herself.

"What can I do to help you?" she asked him, her voice thick as she turned to him fully, reaching over to put her hand on his leg and squeeze at it until he looked at her, glassy-eyed.

"Give me back Mr. Whiskey?"

"Besides that."

"Run away with me?" he tried again. "We can do it, you know? Just get on a train and never get off. Get to the end of the track and just take a bus and go...anywhere. We'd live the dream. Struggling artists just wandering the world, finding inspiration as we go. You can bring your guitar. I'll lend you my hat. It won't be a glamorous life, but it'd be fun."

"I think people would worry about us," she said mildly.

"They'd forget in time," he scoffed. "A few days...a few weeks and soon enough we'd just be a memory."

"I don't think you're right there," she said softly. "They'd miss us."

"They'd miss you," he corrected with a scoff. "Who knows, I may be doing my family a favour. They never asked for any of this. They never wanted a second kid and ended up with me. Maybe I should just leave. They shouldn't be wasting money or time on me. I'd be doing them a favour."

"That isn't true."

"My own mother tried to kill me," he yelled suddenly, causing her to flinch and scamper back away from him. "If she didn't want me, why the hell would anyone else?"

"Liam…"

He breathed harshly and stood up, his entire body seeming to shake with barely contained rage. Her own breathing had increased, but she forced herself to calm down, to relax. Liam wouldn't hurt her, no matter how angry he became. Confidently about that she stood as well. It was his turn to flinch this time as she wrapped her arms around him from behind, holding him tightly.

"Let me go, Maya," he said harshly.

"No," she said simply.

He was stronger than her. She had never won any of the wrestling matches they occasionally found themselves playing, but perhaps it was a combination of her determination and the alcohol in his system, because, though he struggled, her was unable to free himself from her grip. He relented after a moment and then it was her struggling to support his suddenly sagging frame. It was hard work, but she managed to back-up so that she could sit, bringing him down with her. It made things a bit easier since she was able to rest her chin against his shoulders.

"I can't let her have me," he finally whispered brokenly. "I rather leave."

"I won't let it come to that," she promised, her heart breaking at his tone. "I swear. We will find a way."

*

To be honest Maya wasn't sure if Liam remembered what had happened the previous day or not. He had drunk a lot, to the point where he had ended up falling asleep leaning against her. She had left him be for as long as she could have, using the time to explore the landscape around them, but eventually when it had started to get dark and he still showed no chance of waking up, she had called Alex, who though far from happy at the state he had found his boyfriend in, was thankfully strong enough to carry him once Maya had helped prop him up on his back. She had left him to it then, agreeing to dump the remainder of the alcohol at his request and had watched them until they had disappeared from sight.

And yet, today Liam had seemed perfectly normal, grinning and teasing her like usual. Watching him and Zay banter at the lunch table had actually had her questioning her sanity, something that she was still doing even as they walked into Topanga's.

"Liam has arrived!" he announced cheerfully, bouncing into the bakery ahead of her.

"Yo, what are you guys doing here?" Zay asked surprised, looking up from his textbook. "It's barely five. Mr. Jackson usually has to kick you two out."

"Yeah well it's a day of celebration," he declared, grinning broadly. "Where's the new girlfriend, by the way? I wanted to tell her congratulations."

"Chemistry club with Farkle," Zay answered. "He's walking her home as usual."

"How does that work?" Liam asked, sounding genuinely confused. "I mean...are you guys really okay?"

Maya tuned out that that bit of conversation, instead settling for pinching Riley's cheek before she settled down on her right, putting her near to Lucas. "Hey," she told him softly.

"Hey," he returned, smiling gently at her. "Good day?"

"Passable," she answered. "Would have been better without five pages of equations to do."

"If they're due tomorrow I'll check them for you when you're done," he offered. "I'm no Farkle, but I think I can manage that at least."

"Thanks," she replied, chuckling at the hint of self-depreciation in his voice. Lucas knew very well that he was more than capable. He wasn't at the brainiacs' level by any means, but his straight A profile had followed him into high school. "I'll be taking you up on that."

"If this actually works out, you guys will be the stuff of legends," Liam said to Zay, recapturing her attention. "Songs will be written in your honour."

"Oh lay off it, That," she snapped, reaching over to snag and toss a peanut at him, before rolling her eyes when somehow he caught it and popped it into his mouth. "You dragged me here for a reason, you know."

"You didn't want to come?" Riley asked, confused.

"It's nothing that could not have waited till tomorrow," Maya reassured her. "This one just has a flair for drama and you're to be his audience."

"This is so big new!" Liam protested. "Or are you one of those pretend to be cool but inside I'm squealing sorts?"

"I think you know the answer to that."

"Okay, what's happened?" Lucas said, successfully preventing them from ending up bickering. "I'm assuming this is a good thing."

"It's a great thing," he contradicted. "You lowly plebs are in the presence of royalty."

"Here we go," Maya muttered, sinking back against her seat after reaching out to snag half of Lucas' bagel. He only shook his head at her before pushing the rest of his saucer toward her, something that caused her to smile shyly at him. He was right. This, at least, had not changed.

"Well, Liam?"

"This guy right here placed in the competitions he got entered in," he said proudly, puffing out his chest. "Two seconds, a third and a first."

"That's great man!" Zay declared, reaching over to high-five him.

"Congratulations, Liam!" Riley said as well.

"And you?" Lucas asked, looking at her curiously. "Mr. Jackson had entered you into three competitions."

"He did?" Riley asked surprised, turning to look at her. "Did you tell me that?"

"I don't really remember," she said honestly, scratching at her head.

Riley shrugged but then pinched her side regardless, something that Maya took in stride. "I placed in all three," she answered bashfully not really looking at anyone.

"Hey don't say it like that," Liam protested. "She won the two competitions in her age division and came third in the open category."

"Maya that's great!" Riley squealed and Maya smiled as she was pulled roughly into her side for a hug.

"Great job, Maya," Zay added, causing her to giggle.

Eventually, Riley let her go and she turned to Lucas, so far the only one to have said nothing. Instantly, she felt a flush work its way onto her cheeks. There was such pride in Lucas' eyes that she honestly felt a bit overwhelmed, causing her to cuddle into Riley's side in response, sending Lucas a small glare when he chuckled at her action.

"Good job, princess." he said, his tone soft enough that no one else heard him. She nodded in response, biting at the edge of her lower lip.

"That's not even the best part," Liam continued on. "We both got invitations for an exhibition in April because of it. And yes, before you ask, this is a big deal. A huge deal. Artists from all over the country will be there!"

"That's great, Peaches," Riley squealed, hugging her once again.

"It's not that great," Maya grumbled. "That's just one more thing I'm going to have to paint."

"As if that's such a difficult thing for you," she replied.

"Exactly," Liam said pertly. "Who needs sleep anyway? We've got to paint as if our lives depend on it, got it blondie? Blood, sweat and tears. That's what it takes to get to the top."

"It isn't a competition you know."

"But we're going to win regardless."

Maya sighed, and, knowing that she would never change his opinion on this, she just left him be.

*

"Home again, Lukey?" his father said in surprise as he came into the kitchen and found him there, chopping up vegetables beside his mother.

"Yes, sir," he replied. "How was your day?"

"Pretty good," he responded, leaning across the counter to kiss his wife, before roughly tussling Lucas' hair, something that made him smile. He would never not like that.

"There's far too many vegetables here," the man declared, even as he started rolling up his sleeves. "Where's my meat, woman?"

"You know," his mother responded impishly, "those folks at work keep talking about how healthy the vegan lifestyle is. I was thinking we ought to give it a shot."

"Lucas, please tell me your mama's joking or else I'm going to get her head examined."

"The beef's marinating in the fridge," he answered with a chuckle, undoubtedly saving his mother from a dire fate.

"Coward," his mother teased, even as she reached out with her free hand to toss an apron at her husband. "You get a next shirt dirty and I won't be responsible for my actions."

"Yes ma'am," he promised. "What are you doing here anyway, son?" his father asked as he opened the fridge's door. "You usually head over to Maya's place after baseball practice. I didn't expect you back till near curfew. You two in a fight?"

"No, sir," he responded, using his knife to push aside the onions he'd been cutting before he reached for some leeks. "Maya's great. She's got an art exhibition this April at one of the big museums."

"Does she now?" he said, impressed. "When you know the date, tell us. We'll come, won't we darlin'?"

"Of course we will," she agreed. "That little girl deserves the world of support."

"You don't have to," Lucas said, surprised.

"No arguments mister," his mother answered, waggling her finger at him. "Time and place. Got it?"

"Yes ma'am," he replied, before kissing her cheek. "Y'all are the best."

"Is that why you're home? She's busy?"

"Actually I decided not to go over there as much anymore," he revealed. "I figure I'm causing her too many problems with her boyfriend so I'd give her some space."

"Wait, she's still dating him?" his mama said, surprised. "I'd sworn after the way the two of you were canoodling on the roof for New Years that it was a done deal."

"I would have told you if we were."

"You never introduced Riley," his father said pointedly, and Lucas accepted that with a soft sigh.

"I said I was sorry about that, sir."

"Mmmhmm."

"What's the keep back?" his mother asked. "You like her, she likes you. That's all you need."

"She also likes her boyfriend," he answered.

"And I have a fourth brother," her mother retorted, unimpressed. "I know what I saw. She told you she likes him?"

"Well she's still with him," he answered, sweeping the last of the vegetables into a bowl.

"That doesn't count for much."

"Mama."

"Don't mama me," she declared with a huff. "I swear all you Friars are idiots."

"You're a Friar, woman," his father reminded her.

"Through marriage not blood," she tossed back, "and I'd hoped that some of my McIntosh sensibilities would have passed on but apparently not." She turned towards him, wagging a spatula just under his nose. "Listen here boy, do you like that girl?"

"I do, mama" he confirmed.

"Then end your relationship with Riley, march your behind over to Maya's house, tell that girl you like her, and kiss her good. It's not that hard."

"It is since Riley's her best friend," he reminded them. "Maya will hate me if I break up with Riley. I can't hurt her like that and expect Maya to be okay. She'll choose Riley over me anyday."

"If you ask me Riley's no more serious about this relationship than you are," his father said even as he slapped the first cut off meat down onto the grill. "You two ain't been on a date in ages and you're hardly ever on the phone with her. And when you do get a talking it's never about Riley. It's always been Maya."

"That doesn't mean I can just break things off with her. She won't be happy."

"I swear y'all give that girl too much power," his mama declared. "You and Maya were making progress until she decided that she liked you once again and that left things in limbo for nearly a year until she decided it was time to make a decision. Oh and don't think I forgot all that equal nonsense I overheard you and Zay talking about. If you call Maya you got to call Riley. If you buy Maya a drink you gotta get one for Riley. That girl wasn't serious and now when finally you get with her, absolutely nothing happens. She's a child, a child who's gotten her way far too often I reckon. And now you've got a chance with Maya again and you won't take it because of Riley?"

"Riley's a good girl," his father added, softening what was otherwise a near condemnation of her from his mama, "neither of us can deny that, but your mama's right. You're doing nobody any favours by dragging this on and in the interim, you're losing out on a great girl. I understand what you said about Maya having a boyfriend, and you're right to respect back, but there was a saying back in my day. A girlfriend ain't a fiancé and a fiancé ain't a wife. It ain't over till there's a ring on her finger. You just gotta be brave enough to put yourself out there and say, "I know what you have, but I know what you need, and that's me", and let her decide from there. If she's a smart girl - and I know she is - she'll make the right choice."

"So you think I did wrong giving her space?" Lucas asked softly, starting to question the soundness of the decision he had made.

"Not necessarily," his mama answered. "A bit of space may be good. Sometimes letting people go brings them right back to you. It could be the case for Maya."

"I'd like that," he said, finally allowing himself to admit something that he's been fighting against dwelling upon all week. He missed Maya miserably. It just wasn't the same He'd done such a grand job of telling her that it would not be too different, but it was. Seeing her and knowing that he couldn't just go talk to her was torture. Watching her walk past him, arm linked with Shane annoyed him, moreso when he just saw more of that unhappy face of hers that she failed to hide beneath a smile. The only thing this week had done so far was make him want the girl even more and he knew that he was just setting himself up for more torture the longer this went on.

"Chin up Lukey," his mama said, clucking him under the chin as if she had sensed his dismal thoughts. "Everything will work out as it's meant to."

"You sure about that, mama?" he asked quietly.

"I am."

*

"I'm sorry," Maya finished apologetically as she closed the planner on her phone, finally done going through it with Shane. "I'm really going to be busy this semester."

"I get it," Shane said with a sigh, the disappointment obvious in his tone. "It's sucks though, but it's what I get for having such a talented girlfriend."

Maya's lips twitched at the compliment, and she leant in, correctly guessing that he would want to kiss her cheek. "It's not as if you won't be busy yourself," she pointed out as she pocketed her phone. "You've got that dance recital coming up and you're trying out for the school play."

"I'm not guaranteed to get the spot. I'm just a freshman"

"You're definitely going to get a spot, if not the lead," she retorted, slapping his arm. "That plus glee and all these competitions you're going to be in, we just won't have time to miss each other."

"We'll have to make time," he said. "There's no point having such a pretty girlfriend if I only get to see that face during school."

She smiled at that compliment as well, raising her hand to push her hair back behind her ear. Show choir had ended, but at Shane's request they had lingered behind and were now sitting on the floor in one of the corridors, just passing time until the janitor on duty kicked them out.

"Do you think you're going to audition for the competitions?" Shane asked her.

"I don't think so," she told him softly. "I barely managed with that one performance last semester. I don't want to keep you guys back. Plus it'd make my schedule even worse."

"I think you should audition," he said persuasively. "You'd do great."

"Only if I don't puke on the judges," she joked. "I like performing, Shane, but I don't like the stress that goes with it. If I screw up, I'll pull everyone down. People shouldn't have to deal with that."

"You'd do fine," he scoffed, dismissing her concern. "You're always so worried and you always end up doing so well. Performing in a competition isn't too much different from a school performance."

"It's very different," she grumbled. "I think I'll just stick to the school performances. I'm not even sure I'd have the time to commit to competitions. I just showed you how much I have to do."

"It would give us more time together though," he said, smiling at the thought of it. "Even better if you try out for the play as well. Your mom's in a movie; I think you can manage to snag a role in a play."

"Now you're just being greedy," she said, laughing. "Despite what Liam says I do want to do this thing called sleep, and if I'm lucky keep something resembling a social life."

"Boo," he protested. "Forget your friends. Give half their time to me."

"Riley won't like that."

"I'm not too sure I care."

"You don't mean that," she said chuckling, though the tone of it was a bit hollow given that no tell-tale sign of mirth had formed on Shane's face as he said that. "Shane?" she said, a bit more seriously, looking at him.

He shrugged in response and started to put together his books that he had dropped carelessly beside him when they had first sat down. She reached out and stopped him, tightening her grip on his wrist until he looked at her. "Why did you say that?" she asked him tersely.

He shrugged again, but, after a moment, answered. "I don't think that Riley likes me very much anymore," he answered, "none of them really do, actually."

"I-" Maya broke off, uncertain of what to say because it wasn't as if Shane was strictly wrong on that front. But, at the same time, she hadn't thought that it was so obvious that he would have noticed.

"It's fine," he said, although from his tone, Maya could tell that it really wasn't. "It's not as if my friends are particularly fond of you so we're even there. We're both pariahs."

Maya bit her lip, seeing the truth in that. Things had never improved between her, Stacy and Kira, even after she'd given him her blessing to work things out with her, and lately, even his guy friends had become distinctly cool towards her. She had not bothered to question why. If he had spoken to his friends as candidly as she had with hers then it was pretty understandable why they felt that way about her. The only plus side to that, she thought wryly was that he'd given up on trying to get her to hang out with them, as had she. Unfortunately, that was what had put them into this very strain. Spending time together would have been a considerably easier task if they'd gotten along with each other friends and thus could hang out together.

"Can I ask you something?" Shane said, glancing at her.

"Sure, what?"

"Are the rumours true? Are Zay and Smackle dating now?"

"They are," she confirmed with a soft smile, even as she wondered at the abrupt change in topic.

"They don't seem that different."

She chuckled, understanding his confusion. A week after the fact very little had changed in terms of her friends' behaviour. Farkle still came to school with Smackle, they still shared their clubs and went off together to do their own things. From an outside perspective nothing had changed, but for her it was so noticeable. The two of them sat just the tiniest bit closer to each other. Zay was calling her "sugar" a lot more, and now it was him, not Farkle who tended to slip her bag off her shoulder to carry or put his hand on her back when they walked, a small but telling sign of care. She loved it, loved how completely at ease Smackle was, how content Zay seemed, but also, thankfully how accepting Farkle was of the entire thing. Liam still insisted that such a smooth transition should have been impossible, that it went against the natural order of things, but she was so grateful for it. Her friends were her rock. She didn't know what she would have done if there was turmoil within the group, and that thought left her with a guilty feeling as she realised just much chaos she herself had entered into the group. She really had gone wrong in so many ways.

"Was there a reason you asked about it?" she asked curiously when he didn't respond further.

"I just...wanted to know," he said rather lamely, his eyes shifting away. "We should get going."

"Hey I'm the queen of avoidance," she declared, grabbing onto his arm to keep him from getting up. "You asked for a reason."

"Look, forget it," Shane said firmly. "You wouldn't like it and we've been having such a good day."

"And that just makes me want to know even more," Maya pointed out even as a voice whispered to her that she should indeed let it be, that Shane was right and she would definitely not like whatever it was that he was thinking. But, it was better out than in and she knew that it would drive her mad with worry if she didn't get an answer to what this was all about. "Tell me," she insisted.

Shane sighed deeply, but she knew that she had gotten her way which was why, when he tugged his hand, she let it go. He stood up, and she followed suit, dusting off her jeans.

"I wouldn't have even guessed that Zay and Smackle had feelings for each other," he said, bending to pick up their things as he spoke.

"It caught Riley off guard," she offered.

"But not you?" he asked, shooting her an assessing look.

"No," she agreed. "I saw what was happening. I was just surprised by how fast Smackle did it."

"Hmm," was Shane's only response.

"Why?" she asked, curious. "I didn't think you'd be that interested in my friends."

"I'm not," he answered. "I'm only interested in you."

"Then why…?"

"And they never acted differently towards each other?" he asked, ignoring her question. "Did Farkle never say anything?"

"There were little things I guess," Maya answered vaguely. "There wasn't any big moment, at least none that I saw but I listened to Smackle...and Farkle and...it wasn't hard to put it together if you knew what to look out for. And Farkle's...Farkle's more than okay. Riley's been hoarding him all to herself. I haven't even really gotten to talk to him about it, but he would have said if something really bothered him. He's fine."

"I swear you all are weird," Shane said, and while he muttered it, she clearly heard him.

Offended, she stepped back from him. "Why are we weird?" she asked defensively, clutching her notebook tighter to her chest.

"That just isn't normal," he said, tone unapologetic. "The six of you are supposedly such good friends and yet all but one of you realised that a couple was in trouble and you did nothing? You just waited for it to happen and then, not even a day later a new couple forms and everything's hunky dory? That isn't normal."

"But it is us," she defended softly. "Why? Would you have preferred fighting?"

"Why isn't Farkle upset by this?" he shot back. "If you randomly dumped me I wouldn't be patting the other guy on the back and sending him on his way."

"T-this isn't about me," Maya said softly. "This isn't about us."

"You're too easily influenced you know," Shane told her. "You know, maybe you being busy is a good thing. I don't think you should be spending so much time with your friends if they make you believe that nonsense like that is normal or acceptable."

"Shane," she protested, "you don't mean that."

"I do."

Maya felt a sense of panic rising up within her at his response, but, strangely, it was also tempered by a wave of annoyance, anger even. These were her friends he was talking about in less than stellar tones for one, and secondly, what exactly did he want from her? Twice now she'd been put in a position where she and Lucas were distant from each other because of him, and while that was barely tolerable he was now taking issues with her friends generally? Was implying that she would be better off without them?

She moved almost without realising it, and in seconds her books were on the floor while she had Shane in a firm grip, pulling him forcibly closer to her.

"You do not insult my friends," she warned. "You don't know them. You don't know us, and you sure as hell do not get to decide whether or not I hang out with them. Got it?"

Shane's eyes were wide and he appeared the slightest bit afraid, something that brought an instinctive wicked smile to Maya's face as she arched an eyebrow, and awaited his response.

"I got it," he answered shakily.

"Good," she returned and released him, bending to pick up her discarded belongings.

"You know I don't like it when you do that," he told her, re-adjusting his clothing.

"And I don't like it when you insult my friends," she replied, glancing up at him. "Shall we go? It's getting late."

"Yeah."

The walk from school and to the subway was silent after that, but for once, Maya didn't mind. She knew that this would not be the end of it, that Shane would bring it up sooner or later, but neither did she care because her response would be the same every time. Shane was beginning to ask more of her than she was capable of giving, and she knew that she had to push back for her own sake. If that hurt his feelings, too bad. Hers had been hurt enough dealing with him and she refused to take any more on.

In time she would look back on this moment and realise that, perhaps, this was what her mother had been warning her about, that first spark that would eventually lead to a huge explosion that would bring about irrevocable change, one that would hurt her, but perhaps ultimately more, Shane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For October (and perhaps part of November) I'll be working from 8:00a.m. - until. Because of that I'll be using most of my (limited) spare time to sleep so I don't want to commit to posting anything else for the rest of the month in case I can't manage it. I'll still be writing (it's my main hobby) but I don't want to put false hope out there. Thanks for Understanding!
> 
> As a preview so to speak of what's going to happen in the final arc(s) of this story in no particular order:
> 
> Liam did always say he was evil
> 
> Maya always knew Shane had a temper
> 
> Riley meets her Momster and Maya needs legal advise
> 
> Bad decisions and drunken kisses
> 
> A wedding and an…?
> 
> The perfect revenge
> 
> Blue and white jacket
> 
> Return of the baby monitors!
> 
> Campfire and lakes
> 
> Uncle Cory?
> 
> Sometimes people you cut don't always stay away
> 
> "It's always been Maya."
> 
> "It's always been Riley."
> 
> Thunder. Lightening. Always.
> 
> Make of that what you will ;)


	50. Chapter 50

"So how did you like the club meeting?" Riley asked, once she and Farkle were safely off the stairs leading down to the subway station and away from the throngs of people in too much of a hurry to care about knocking other people over as long as it got them to their trains in time. "You were quieter than usual. It wasn't too boring, right?"

"I was enjoying listening too much," Farkle answered, leading her to an empty bench, something surprising given the time of day. After assessing it carefully (because if a bench was empty while there were so many people standing around then maybe there was something wrong with it), he sat, patting the spot beside him. "It was a bit surreal," he admitted. "These are just things I don't think about generally. It doesn't even register for me and yet it's your reality. It's so many people's reality."

"It is," she agreed. "It's why I love the club so much. I mean it's not always as heated as it was today, but I love that I have a forum where I can just express myself and say, this is what I experienced today, what's up with that? What are the social underpinnings here and actually get solid answers."

"I can see you liking that," Farkle agreed, taking note of how her face just seemed to light up even more than usual as she spoke. Without even realising it, he found himself smiling in response. That was just how powerful Riley was, he noted when he finally noticed. Just looking at her was enough to make an already good day just seem so much better.

"Yeah, well I'm just glad you agreed to come," Riley told him, giving him a grateful look. "Maya would get her and me kicked out in five minutes if I brought her and I really do like the club."

That made Farkle chuckle. He imagined Maya sitting in on that meeting they had just left and frankly, he had to agree with Riley's summation. Maya definitely would not have had the interest or the patience to participate in any of those discussions in a meaningful way.

His mind took him back to middle school and the science experiment that had nearly ended him and the other boys in the class (literally). He knew that Maya had mainly just saw the activity as a source of amusement, In addition a lot of her participation had probably been her usual default way of going along with whatever it was that Riley wanted. For Riley though it had been a completely serious matter and he knew that she had continued to look into it long after most of the other girls had put the matter aside. In a way it made sense that she would join a gender-based club in high school, and he had seen the look of interest in her eyes when the leading teacher had mentioned that there were some classes they could take if they wanted to get into the matter on a more theoretical level. He definitely foresaw some conversations between Riley and the school's guidance counsellor in the future.

"What are you thinking about?" Riley asked, elbowing him.

"Oww," he complained good naturedly, causing her to laugh. "I was just remembering that History class with your dad. I think all of us guys actually feared for our lives a moment there."

Riley chuckled, though looked mildly embarrassed at the memory. "I reacted...strongly."

"That might be just a tad understated."

"Just a tad," she agreed, chuckling. "Maybe putting you on trial took things a bit far. But...we didn't really get to finish it, if I remember correctly," she added, frowning slightly as she tried to remember. "What stopped it?"

She tapped on her chin thoughtfully having said that. Farkle didn't answer. He knew exactly what had stopped it. Riley had said something, as had he and then there had been a moment...a moment of something that had had him looking at her in a different way, that had had him for those brief moments swallowing against the lump in his throat because did Riley's eyes always sparkle like that? Did her skin always have that sort of rosy flush to it? The thoughts had been interrupted by someone, probably her father speaking, and those were thoughts that he had set aside and forgotten given everything else that had been happening at the time. But now that she had brought it up and he was looking at her...he recalled all those thoughts, and perhaps worse than that, the feelings that had gone along with it.

He lost himself in his thoughts, drawn only from it when Riley turned towards him, probably to say something to him. Or maybe she had just felt the intensity of his stare because now that she was looking at him her expression changed, from bright and cheerful to startled...thoughtful...and then there was a flicker of something in her eyes that had his heart beating far too fast and far too loudly.

It was the sound of the train arriving that finally broke their stare and they both jumped up far too quickly, Farkle almost toppling over on the spot because it was as if his legs had forgotten how to function. The movement from there to the train was a blur, and when next he came back to himself, they were both holding on to one of the metal bars to stabilise themselves as the train lurched forward into motion. Riley was looking anywhere but at him, her face mostly hidden from him by the fall of her now much longer hair that somehow seemed thicker and glossier than he had ever recalled it being previously. It was obvious that she didn't want to talk right now, and frankly, he did not know what to say. He wasn't even sure if he could speak without his voice coming out like a croak. And so, silent is how they remained until the train started slowly down, having gotten to Riley's station.

"You don't have to walk me home, you know," Riley said, her voice oddly quiet as she glanced up at him as he realised the bar when she did.

"Maya would kill me if I didn't," he answered after clearing his throat, the attempt at a joke falling flat if the way she did not react at all to it was anything to go by.

"Well just don't tell Maya."

"Yeah well, I want to make sure you get home safe, Riley," he returned.

"I can take care of myself Farkle."

"I know that."

Riley didn't answer that, but given the way she glanced back at him once the doors opened, he was confident that she was okay with his continued presence, no matter what it was that she was thinking. Her tone just then had been almost terse and he wondered if somehow he had upset her by his facial expression. But no, glancing towards her, she just seemed lost in a world of her own thoughts, something that he found himself doing as well as they walked.

The more that time passed and the more that he interacted with Riley, the things Isadora had told him during their break-up echoed in his mind, and the he was starting to see the truth of her words. He had not wanted to at first, and he, of course, knew about the power of suggestion and thus had been more than ready to dismiss her words and the initial reactions he had had to them. There was no way that he could have feeling for Riley, far less romantic feelings for her. He loved her, Isadora. Of course he loved Riley, just as much as he loved Maya. But Isadora was the one who held his heart. And yet, she had shot that down that assertion with a series of questions. If he was truly in love with her, why didn't it bother him that she wanted to break up? Why wasn't he upset that she had feelings for someone else, far less a friend of his? Why was it that there were things, deeply personal things, that he would scarcely do anything past briefly mention to her yet would spend hours, if not days, discussing with Riley? Why was it that he didn't look at her the way he looked at Riley if it was her that he loved?

And now, post break-up, there were some questions that he had to ask himself. Why was it that seeing Isadora with Zay did nothing more than make him smile genuinely because truly Isadora seemed so much...not happier, but just at peace when she was with Zay? Why was it that the more that he saw Lucas and Riley interacting the more uncomfortable he became and why was it that, more and more recently, he was finding it harder to be normal around Lucas. Why did he feel a sense of dread and guilt whenever they hung out together, especially if Riley was around, as if he were doing something wrong, betraying his best friend?

Isadora had given him an answer to all of those questions. Isadora believed that he was in love in Riley, but, he didn't know if that was right. He had always loved Riley. From the first day he had helped lift her head out of the water and she had looked at him he had felt something for a her, a feeling he had never experienced before that had had him promising to be there for her always in whatever capacity she had wanted. That offer had been extended to Maya too of course, and he loved her as well. She and Riley were a package deal, how could he not love her as well?

It was a statement that he had made so many times over the years, even after the two girls no longer saw it as something to smile over but instead something to roll their eyes at. It was something he had continued saying long after Lucas had transferred into their school and with time their reactions changed to almost tender ones whenever he said it, and with time they reciprocated the words to him. He had always loved Riley and Maya, loved them equally. But now Isadora had thrown him for a loop by saying in a sage-like tone that she loved him and Zay equally, but that wasn't stopping her from breaking up with him, because though equal, the love she felt for Zay was definitely not the same as the love she had felt for him. And since, the two of them were so similar, she believed that the same applied to him and how he felt about Riley and Maya. He loved them both equally, but in her summation, it definitely was not the same.

Lost in his thoughts as he was, Farkle fell a step out of pace to Riley, but he made no move to close the gap. Instead, he stared at the back of her, trusting his legs to not lead him astray. He tried to focus on what he was feeling when he looked at Riley and instead tried to imagine Maya in her place. It wasn't the same, he was forced to admit. Oh, imagining Maya there evoked something in him, but it just wasn't the same or as intense as what he felt when he saw Riley there. And honestly, thinking to Isadora, the emotions he felt now could not really match it either. So there was some justification there. He loved Isadora. He loved Maya. He loved Riley. But there was some nuanced differences in the intensity and nature of those feelings, and that was the crucial thing.

It seemed as if Isadora was right (and boy was he wrong for ever doubting her). Equal and same were definitely not the same, and the way he loved Riley was definitely not the same way he loved any other person. And, if he were to find an adjective to describe the kind of love he was feeling for her, that adjective would be romantic. He had romantic feelings for Riley. It was the only likely conclusion.

There was only one question remaining then.

What was he supposed to do with that knowledge?

* 

"I got your message, Mr. J," Maya said as she walked into the man's classroom. "You wanted to see me?"

"I did," the man answered, looking up from a sketch he had been analysing. "I'm sorry to pull you from you free period. You don't have anything pressing you should be dealing with, right?"

"Not really," she answered. "I was just working on that sketch for you."

"That isn't due until the end of next week," he remarked. "What's the rush?"

"Liam," she said simply. "We're already behind for the exhibition as far as he's concerned, so I need to get this done so I can concentrate on that. I keep trying to tell the guy that it's still over two months away but he refuses to get it."

Mr. Jackson shook his head ruefully at that. "It's something I'm trying to get him to understand," he admitted, "that true art isn't about producing something on demand. Yes it's only two months away but there's a reason why I haven't even really mentioned it. Sometimes the best inspiration for what you need to create comes from an experience. You may have it tomorrow, in a week or maybe a night before the exhibition. Or maybe the right experience won't come at all and you'll just have to settle for another one of your works. It's why many artists don't like to put out dates for showcasing their work until they're sure that the collection is nearly, if not complete. They could of course put out a half-hearted effort and to those with an untrained eye it may seem just as good as anything else they create. But to those in the know, and the artist itself, it won't be the same. The work won't resonate with you as much as the others would."

"So that's why some works are more impactful than others," Maya said in a musing tone even as she settled down into a chair across from the man. "I had wondered."

"For the artist, what they create is what they feel. It's why commercial made works just seem lacking in some way. It may be a pretty picture, but there are no emotions behind it. That's why I always give such advance notice for major projects I assign. I try to give you all as much time as possible to get that experience to render in paint."

"Do my works do that?" Maya asked. "Do you feel things seeing them?"

"In your best works, yes," he answered. "I can always tell when you're just painting for the sake of painting or painting to express yourself Maya. The latter are the ones I sent out for the competition and I'll be choosing from for the school's art show in May."

"Oh," Maya said simply, thinking about the three paintings he'd selected, the one of the lodge she'd been working on the first day she'd met Liam; the one of the flowers Farkle had given her bolstered by the emotions she had felt in that moment, generated from the fact that here were her three closest and longest friends, there to wish her good luck before she stepped out onto the stage for the first time and, perhaps most surprisingly, the one of the purple cat he'd first marked as incomplete before latter assigning her high marks for.

"It's also how I know Liam's head is not where where it needs to be right no," the man said mildly, "and that's what I really want to talk to you about. What's going on with him?"

"What do you mean?" she asked lamely, only to sigh when the man gave her a look that indicated that he clearly saw through her act.

"Let me perhaps assist in jogging your memory," he said. "Liam's ditched three classes already this week and the only reason he hasn't gotten detention is the fact that two of those classes were mine and I found him sleeping in an empty classroom afterwards. He was smart enough to go to the sick bay for the third one so that gave him a pass."

"He's still not sleeping too well," Maya admitted reluctantly. It was true. No matter how late she went to bed, Liam would always still be active online and more often than not in the morning he would still be there, ready to talk within seconds. He also was starting to look a lot more scraggly than usual. Liam, despite his love for all things Adam Lambert and his extensive knowledge about fashion, preferred to dress on the extreme side of casual dress on an everyday basis, but lately he seemed to be just one step above sloppy. Emily had taken to snagging and bringing one of his better jackets with her everyday and left it up to Maya to wrestle him into it to spruce him up a bit. His hair was always a tangled mess, but thankfully it could (barely) pass for a windswept look. But still, it just wasn't like him to be so nonchalant about his appearance. His attitude as well had backslid lately, and even with her at times he was coming across harsher and more brusque. She refused to take it personally though and she gave as good as she got, but far from levelling things off, Liam had actually stalked off angrily the last time, and though the next day he had been back at her side as if nothing at all had happened, she could still sense an undercurrent of tenseness between them.

"I know he's having a hard time right now, Maya," Mr. Jackson said. "His guardians are keeping me abreast of the situation. I'm not asking you to tell me what I already know. I have eyes and I've gotten to know Liam well enough to see beyond the things he would like me to. What I'm asking is for the things I do not know, things that I, and perhaps his family, should be aware of just in case Liam's not in a state he should be in."

"What are you asking me, exactly?" she asked, skeptically.

"Kids talk to each other," he said bluntly, "and I know he talks to you, that he comes to you. I'm not asking you to break confidentiality, but Maya, perhaps you don't get just how big a deal this is. If Liam's mother can argue that his current guardians are not the best fit for him then her case is bolstered. Social workers tend to get involved in these sort of things, and I'm trying to nip whatever is happening with Liam in the bud right now before too many people notice, before the administration has to take notice and stemming from that, for the social worker to notice in case they do come around. Now I know how you kids think. If Liam thinks this is a way of him showing just how much he doesn't want to go to his mother then this isn't the way to do it. He can't be moody or sulk his way into a solution he wants. It may just work against him. So if you know something, or if you can do something to cut this off before it gets any more serious, I need you to do that Maya."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do," Maya admitted. "I-" she paused and took a shaky breath before looking at him. "What am I supposed to tell him, Mr. Jackson? Not to be angry? Not to be hurt that his mother would want to do this to him after all this time? That he should just hope for the best and believe that things will work out? I can't do that sir. I won't lie to him."

"Why would that be you lying to him?"

"Because hoping and believing don't really work, sir. I know that quite well, as does Liam. Why would I lie to him? I know what that'd do. That won't make him feel any better? He'd only get upset and angry at me for trying to sell him false hope. I would if I were him."

The teacher sighed at that. "I was worried about this," he muttered.

"Worried about what?" she asked, confused.

The man sighed again and gave her a searching look before standing. "You know when you and Liam first met, I had some hope, Ms. Hart," he said. "I was ready to intervene, I always have to intervene with Liam to make sure that no one gets hurt or he doesn't go to far and say or do something that would land him in trouble. And yet I had nothing to worry about with you. You weren't even fazed by him. You didn't react badly. Indeed you seemed to actually enjoy it and you gave as good as you got. It only took me a few times watching you to realise that the two of you are really similar in some ways, that you had enough of a common past and personality that you gelled nicely with each other. I was glad for that. Liam definitely needed a friend and you seemed to need some companionship yourself. And for the most part it worked out. You both blossomed. You both matched and helped each other improve. You feed off each other's skills and at the end of it you're both better off for it. I don't think the two of you realise just how much you push each other to improve, to succeed."

"Somehow I don't think you think that that's a good thing."

"Perhaps not right now," the man agreed. "Liam needs the support you can offer him. That I don't deny. But I'm a bit concerned that you won't be strong enough to give him the support he actually needs. You're too alike. You know exactly the things he'd want to hear to make him feel better. I'm worried that you, knowing exactly how he may react, may not want to tell him what he needs to hear, advise him about what he should do, needs to do rather than wants to do because you know he'd react badly to it, know that it'd be difficult for him to accept it. You'll tell him the things he wants to hear, go along as he does the things he wants to do because it's what you'd do. It's what you'd want. But the stakes in this are really high and I'm not sure you're strong enough to understand what is truly important and what's more critical to pandering to Liam."

"What are you saying?" she asked herself, feeling insulted. "Are you saying that I'm not good for Liam?"

"I am not," he said firmly. "What I'm saying is that Liam doesn't need you to protect him right now, doesn't need you to be a partner in whatever world of misery he's trying to create for himself. This isn't the time to just go along with one of his schemes or to make one of your own. This is the time where you need to be firm and help lead Liam to where he should be, where he needs to be."

"How am I supposed to do that?" she asked. "I-you don't know what he's going through."

"And I won't unless you tell me," the man agreed. "You and him are together more and more lately, both in and out of school. He listens to you. You're an influence on him, but for his own sake I hope that you can use that influence for the better, to help pull him back from whatever track he wants to go on in the same way your friends pulled you to the person you are now."

Maya stared at him, dumbfounded for a moment. "I'm different now?" she asked, tentatively.

"You are," the man confirmed. "You aren't the same Maya Hart who walked in my classroom the first day of school."

"A good different?"

"That's not for me to say," the man said mildly. "Only you can determine that. But please, Maya, consider what I have told you okay, and if you can't help Liam at least talk to me. I don't like what I'm seeing and I'm hoping we can stop it from progressing past here. Can you give me your word on that?"

"Yes sir," she finally agreed, mostly because she knew that was the only real response the man would accept in this moment although she doubted she would be able to do what he was asking.

* 

Riley felt a fleeting sense of guilt as she saw the look of genuine hurt on Auggie's face seconds before she closed her bedroom door in his face, but honestly, she just was not in the mood to deal wit her little brother, or anyone really. It wasn't often that she felt like this. Riley was proud to say that on the regular day to day basis she maintained a cheerful outlook on life and adjusted her temperament to suite it. True, like with everyone else in the world she experienced moments of doubts, moments of stress and uncertainty, but those times were fleeting and she tried her best not to let those feelings overwhelm her. But it was becoming increasingly hard to do so and she was well aware that her mask was cracking and that people were gradually becoming aware that not everything was write in Riley Town. The problem? She had no idea how to fix what was going on with her because she was not entirely sure what was happening.

She had been plagued by the thought for a while now, ever since the sleepover that she was starting to wish hadn't happened because life seemed so much simpler before then. Everything had been perfect then. Her life had been easy to organise. There had been no shades of grey when it came to relationships and friendships. Before that sleepover she never had to wonder about her feelings for her friends in a profound way. Everything was as it should be. She loved Maya, she loved Lucas, she loved Farkle; she loved all of them. Love was love and that was the only thing that mattered.

Except, Maya's mom and her very own had thrown a wrench into that with talks of types of love and since then, since then Riley found their words echoing in her mind, growing louder until she could no longer ignore it. There were different kinds of loves, a premise that she had never thought about. Oh she knew that she loved her parents and Auggie in a way that she didn't quite love Maya, and even then the love she had for Maya differed than what she had for anyone else, but that was expected right? Her family was her family, and Maya was Maya, her best friend, her sister in everything but blood, her soul mate if those things existed because in no reality could she picture a time where there could be a Riley without a Maya. Those things were easy to understand. But now this...different types of love and the sneaking realisation that just maybe there was some truth to that. And even that was something she had not wanted to acknowledge or accept, which is why she kept trying to ignore it. But now something was happening, something she could not ignore, and it had started the moment she and Farkle had locked eyes a few days before and he had said things that had just...awakened something in her.

It was a feeling that had shook her to the core and rattled her even now. Looking into Farkle's eyes in that moment had evoked a profound feeling that she had never experienced before to this extreme. Oh she had had butterflies before, but this time it seemed as if those butterflies had multiplied tenfold and had taken her over completely. It was not just her stomach that felt jittery, it was a feeling that extended throughout her entire body, and when they had been walking to her apartment, Farkle's arm had accidentally brushed against hers, it was as if a current of electricity had raced through her and briefly she forgot what it was like to breathe. Those feelings in that moment were the strongest reaction she had ever had to anyone and she was not naive. She loved romance, loved to bury herself into rom-coms and even romance novels. She'd seen and read about such feelings, but never had they seemed so real as in that moment, and while she had squirmed in surprised delight at the sensation, she had simultaneously felt as if ice water was being poured over her because she had never experienced that sensation with Lucas.

That thought had her thumping at her pillow in frustration now. Why didn't she feel that with Lucas? She was supposed to feel that with Lucas. Lucas was her boyfriend, Lucas was the first boy she had ever felt something for. Hadn't she spent nearly two years pining after him, drawing hearts, making kissy-faces, giggled with Maya right here in this very bay window, imagined a future of hand-holding and date going. She had worked so hard to achieve that, to reach the point where she and Lucas could safely be a couple without anything standing in their way. She did not have to worry about her father's reactions, she did not have to worry about Maya having feelings for Lucas or the reverse. Everything was as it should be. She had the life she had spent most of seventh and eighth grade imagining, and now, now that she had it, how could it be that she could have feelings for someone else, and Farkle of all people.

Farkle was Farkle. He was her friend, second only to Maya. He was Switzerland, a steady yet unremarkable presence. Or at least, she amended, he used to be. Farkle had moved from simply being a presence in her life to an integral part of it. She had just assumed that was what happened as people grew up. People gained increased prominence with time, and, eventually that had happened with her and Farkle. After all, she remembered her mother saying once that she and her father hadn't really reconnected as friends until the end of middle school and into the start of highschool, and look where they were now. Riley herself was living proof that they had gotten closer with time. That meant she had never given it much thought when slowly but surely her attention turned more and more towards Farkle. After all, he needed her in ways he hadn't before. If she had left him to himself Farkle probably would have only focussed on the negative aspects of his familial heritage. He would have never looked past the tragedy that had occurred and decided that the best thing he could do was learn as much about the culture he had been cut off from due to history. And even if somehow he had come to that conclusion himself, she doubted that he would have been as invested in it if it were not for her encouragement. Farkle needed her in a way and role she knew that no one else could fill and so she enjoyed being there for him. And, truth be told, there were so many things she got in return from him. But, she had never, until that sleepover, equated it to anything but friendship and after what had happened, her confusion had returned in full force. She simply could not have romantic feelings for Farkle. She just couldn't...right?

She groaned and pummelled at the pillow again. Somehow things just seemed worse than before, and she had not thought that possible. She allowed herself a few minutes to just flail about in a futile attempt to dislodge those feelings, and finally, accepting that that was a futile endeavour, she huffed and tossed the pillow aside, stalking to her bed where her phone was. Fine, if she could not solve her problems, she would just ignore them. And the perfect way to start was with a conversation with Maya. Besides, Red Planet Diaries was ending the next week. Now seemed like the perfect time for a series rewatch leading up to the finale. And if that meant that she was free from these troubling thoughts, then that was an added benefit.

She wasn't supposed to be having these thoughts anyway.

* 

Something was off with Riley, Maya thought with a frown, even as she waved her off into the computer lab with Smackle. She had a free period now and had decided to walk them to class mostly for the heck of it, but also to check the accuracy of what she had felt the night before. Yeah, Riley was trying a bit too hard to seem her normal, cheerful self, and that was enough of an indicator for her to know, that nope, something was wrong and that Riley had something going on in that brain of hers usually filled with sunshine and butterflies. She tapped at her chin thoughtfully as she walked away, trying to decide just how worried she should be about this. It couldn't be that bad, she rationalised because she wasn't acting skittish or alternately being passive-aggressive in any way. Therefore she was sure it was something that didn't need immediate addressing. If anything she'd deal with it during their show marathon over the weekend although she knew that she would have a lot of work to do over the next two days to ensure that she could indeed enjoy this weekend guilt free. For now, for the second time this week, she had to have a second meeting with Mr. Jackson, albeit this was one she had arranged.

She walked into the art room with a cursory knock. At this point the classroom was like her school-home and she felt entirely comfortable with treating it in that way. The teacher didn't mind, and indeed, he seemed to know it was her because he didn't even look up at her as he asked, "Something you need to talk about Maya?"

"Actually yes," she answered. "I got invited to a events committee meeting."

"Ah, they found you then," the man responded, completely nonplussed.

"Wait, you knew about this?" she asked confused. She had been, in her opinion, accosted by two cheerleaders before break. Both had been yammering far too fast and cheerfully for her liking, but she'd gotten the gist of their message. They wanted the art club's help to take the decorations for the upcoming events in the school to the next level. Apparently they had done a better job than usual for the Homecoming dance and the events committee was hoping to capitalise on that. She had tried to brush them off. After all, Jason, the senior in charge of the club, was the one they should have been talking to but the energeriser bunny on steroids had been entirely dismissive of her words. She had brushed them off and had spent far too much time in the period subsequently mulling over it until now when she could talk to the art teacher and sort all of this out. Except he didn't seem to get why this wasn't a right thing.

"Yeah, I told them where to find you. It shouldn't take up too much of your time. They just want ideas from you and since you're not auditioning for any plays you have the time."

So the man actually did pay attention to what she and Liam talked about, even if he didn't outwardly reacted to it, she noted. She glared at him but the man seemed entirely unperturbed.

"Why do I have to go?" she asked. "Jason's in charge of the club. Stuff like this should be his job, right?"

"Jason is officially infected with senioritis," the man responded dryly.

"Jessica then," she rebutted. "She's next in line, remember?"

"I also remember a conversation right here in this room where you and Liam argued that seniority shouldn't be the sole criteria for taking over a club."

"I forgot about that," Maya admitted. So many things had happened since then that she hadn't even given much thought to that conversation. Besides, that was more Liam's concern than hers. She wasn't as combative as him. She could tolerate a year of working around Jessica's stupid ideas whereas Liam would definitely rather burn the art room to the ground rather than give her creative license.

"Really?" the man said, and looking at him Maya really couldn't decide whether that was actual annoyance in his voice or if he were pulling her leg. "I wish I had realised just how unimportant it was before I raised it in the end of year staff meeting in December. And here I was going to tell the two of you this week that the principal's agreed to reassess the system."

"He has?"

"Oh, we're interested now?" he joked before continuing when she frowned. "He likes the format we implemented for Homecoming and decided that it could be replicated for other things besides putting pretty tiaras and crowns on people's heads."

"A voting system then," she deduced.

"We're still ironing out the details but there will be a criteria that any nominees must meet. There will be some input from club members but we're still trying to work around how we can avoid popularity and favouritism from influencing the final results."

"Liam will be happy," Maya said softly.

"You did hear me say that club members have some input, right?" he asked wryly.

Maya winced at that. Yeah, Liam was far from the most beloved club member because, as Mr. J had warned him time and time again, his attitude was really abrasive and really only she herself could handle him on any given day and truthfully, lately that was becoming harder and harder. She felt a bit bad for him. He had been the one to raise that argument in the first place and Jessica pretty much was going to get the post anyway by virtue of people not really liking him. After all he was talented, arguably the most talented out of all of them, but Jessica was likeable, and that would probably give her the edge.

"Too late for him to change his attitude?" she offered weakly.

"Not without it being blatantly obvious," he answered. "Anyway, that's not what you came here for. The committee meeting."

"Yeah, why didn't you tell Jessica to go?"

"Because the decorations that were raved about the most and were the reason they asked for the club's input were the ones that you designed," he said simply. "It's really not that big a deal, Maya," he continued a bit more reassuringly, "just go, listen to the theme and suss out what exactly it is they're looking for. Offer some baseline suggestions and say you'll consult with the rest of the club and get back to them. It's not that difficult."

"Then have Liam do it."

"The committee has done nothing to deserve that," the man dead-panned. "I'm not letting you pull out of this, Maya, so save your arguments. The meeting is tomorrow lunchtime and I expect you to be there."

"I don't think I like you very much right now," she told him.

"And I don't think you took to heart what we spoke about earlier in the week, so here we are."

She blanched at that. Yeah, the man really wasn't stupid. He knew that there were things about Liam that she wasn't speaking about and she knew that she was better off telling him such things. After all she was pretty certain that she had smelt stale alcohol on Liam's breath that morning and Alex had actually called her the night before telling her that he was growing concerned for him boyfriend since he was meeting with his mother this coming Friday, a meeting he hadn't mentioned to her once. Still, she was loathe to rat him out, at least not yet. She wanted to see if Liam would stabilise first. She knew exactly how he felt. He was just acting out in anticipation of that big bad event coming up. She was pretty certain (and hoping) that once that first meeting was out of the way, everything would return to normal. If it didn't she would tell the teacher, she promised herself. That was only a few days away.

"I did listen," she said, "and I will keep my promise."

"I hope you do," the man said simply and returned to his work, the dismissal clear.

Yeah he wasn't pleased with her, she acknowledged with a sigh even as she turned and exited the classroom.

She certainly had her hands full with her friends these days, she thought as she headed towards the library. First Riley and whatever she was hiding, and now Liam with his darkening attitude and sudden penchant for secrets. Plus there was Shane who was still occasionally surly, moreso these days when she just hadn't shown up to the theatre room for the audition. That was his own fault. She had warned him she had no interest in it and yet he had gone out of his way to sign her up anyway before triumphantly handing her a script with her lines already highlighted. She had nearly chewed him out for that, but had settled for a tight smile before dumping the script into the nearest bin. She would be the supportive girlfriend if he got the role he wanted (or any role really) but she was not getting up on that damn stage. And honestly, it had felt quite good to chuck that script in the bin, freeing in a way.

As she entered the library, Maya started to make a mental to do list. She'd deal with Liam and his meeting with his mother first, then swing into fixing whatever was wrong in Riley Town. Whatever was going on with Riley could not be that serious, and she knew how to handle Liam. She wasn't too worried. She could deal with the both of them.

Of course it would be that overconfidence that would cause the universe to slap her down because Friday evening would find her barely keeping pace with her sophomore friend who would be all but frothing at the mouth, something that would eventually find the two of them in a tattoo palour of all places, and Monday morning would find her resisting the urge to scratch at her stomach even as she stared dumbfounded as Riley apparently lost her goddamn mind and actually started arguing with her mother.


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't gotten around to responding to the last set of reviews and messages as yet :(, but I'll handle them in the next day or so. There'll be at least one more chapter before the year ends.

Maya knew that the only reason the waitress hadn't booted her out of the diner she was in yet was because, one, the place was half empty, two, it was snowing outside, and three, she probably could tell that she wasn't just here loafing around, she was waiting for someone, for something. And that was the truth. Maya had been in here for the past two or so hours, working her way through the house special that truthfully had nothing on Night Hawk's but she knew she was biased, followed by sipping on a glass of juice for way too long. She didn't have a plan, and she was banking on the chance that Liam would indeed pass this way. She was fairly confident of that fact. After all there was a stretch of alley not too far from here that Liam had introduced her to a few weeks prior. It was one of his hiding from the world spots, the place he went to when he wasn't sad or worried, but instead enraged. And the alley suffered for it. According to Liam, he was responsible for the majority of damage done to the walls, dumpsters and other miscellaneous things in there. Maya had been sceptical of the secureness of the place the first time he had taken her there, because while this place wasn't in too seedy a part of the city, she couldn't help but recall her own brush with the law in the months prior and the file with her name on it that wouldn't disappear for a while still. Liam though had managed to relax her. Besides, he had said then, it wasn't as if he had brought anything with him right now. If anything they were just a pair of stupid teenagers who had chosen a questionable place to hang out.

As more time passed by, Maya sighed, wondering if she were wrong about Liam coming here, Liam leaving his bedroom at all. Maybe it had gone better than expected. Maybe meeting his mother had not sent him into a spiral of rage or despair as she had thought. Maybe...Maya cut off that last thought with an annoyed grunt. Who was she fooling? The fact that Liam still hadn't told her about the meeting was proof enough of just how big a deal this was for him. Liam was free with his thoughts and emotions with the few people he trusted intimately, and she was one of those people. Yet he hadn't breathed a word of this to her, and Alex had only found out from Emily who had thought that it was something he had ought to know. This meeting with his mother was such a complex issue for him that he had not even bothered to share it with her. That spoke of just how bothered he was by all of this.

Finally, and just about when Maya knew she had just about exhausted the waitress' patience, she caught sight of him across the street and even from here she could tell that coming here had been the right decision. That definitely was Liam across the street, stalking angrily along, not caring as he bumped into someone and kept walking even as the person turned to yell at him. She quickly rose after dumping someone onto the table she had occupied, glad that she had enough spare cash on her to leave a large (by a freshman high schooler's standard) tip before exiting the diner, biting at the lingering coldness in the air after so long in the warmth of the diner. Spring really needed to hurry up and get here.

She heard Liam before she saw him. He was kicking at a produce bag and she hoped that there was nothing in there that could do him any real damage. She left him to it, leaning against the cleanest spot on a wall she could find as she watched him work himself to exhaustion. It took a while, how long she didn't know, but eventually the grunts and sometimes all out shouts of frustration faded and finally, shoulders slumped, Liam stood there breathing harshly, the air around him fogging as a result. Sighing Maya now approached him, heavying her footsteps deliberately to catch his attention. Still breathing raggedly his head shot up and towards the sound of her footsteps. He looked at her, almost confused, before he backed up and slumped down on the very bag he had been abusing.

"Why?" he asked, simply, his voice harsh.

Briefly Maya regretted not grabbing a bottle of water or something from the diner before she had left it. It was a multi-faceted question, one that was easy to decode. How had she known? Who had told her? Why was she here? What did she plan to do? "Because you need me," she answered simply. It was the right answer as well, because Liam let out a long, shuddering breath before he blocked his face with his hands.

With his rage now spent, Maya knew it would be fine to approach him, so she did, walking to where he was, and, without question, put a hand on the top of his head, carding her fingers through the strands there. He still hadn't cut it, but she was pretty certain that there was only a month or so left before it stopped looking unkempt and actually became a look. "Should we go burn her house down?" she asked, only half-joking. His head shook slightly beneath her hand.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked next.

"There's nothing to talk about," he said, his voice muffled. After a moment, he reached up and gently batted her hand away from his head before he looked up at her, his brown eyes reflecting the conflicting emotions he was feeling. "She's the same. I don't get how that stupid social worker couldn't see that."

"What did she do?"

"Pretended to love me," he said with a scoff, and Maya resisted the urge to start touching him again as she heard the beginnings of anger start to lace his tone. Liam didn't like to be touched while angry. Indeed, it often increased his ire because he always took the gesture as being patronising in nature. "Tried to hug me. Wanted me to sit by her and just talk. My how much you've grown William. You look so much like your father, but you kept my hair. I won that bet. He always said that you'd stay blonde like him but I told him it'd change. Mine did. I'm bleaching this garbage in the morning," he added angrily, gesturing roughly at his head.

"If it'd help," she answered neutrally. The red he'd slapped in for Christmas had faded to the palest of pinks anyway; she couldn't see him doing too much damage to himself. "Did you talk to her?"

"Had nothing to say," he answered roughly. "I only answered when I had to. I want nothing to do with that woman."

"Did the social worker say anything about that?" she asked, recalling Mr. J's words to her earlier in the week.

"Not to me," he answered. "Heard her telling her that it was a normal reaction and she just needed to give me time. I'm not going to a next fucking meeting with her, no matter what they say. They can't make me."

Maya didn't respond to that, because, honestly, she was pretty certain that they could make him if they really wanted, but that definitely was not something that Liam needed to hear now.

"And you know what is worse?" he continued, "she keeps calling me William. I told her to stop and she just looked at me and said that that was the name she gave me. I'm changing that too as soon as I turn eighteen."

Well that explained why he was so intent upon changing his name ever so often, she noted.

"And she had the nerve to look at me and ask me if there were any girl in my life and if there were I should bring them along next time," he continued. "As if she hadn't fucking slashed my arm open after I told her about Alex."

"Did you answer?"

"I walked out," he said with some smugness, "sat outside the door until the social worker was ready to take me back home."

"Did she say something about that?"

"Some garbage about my mother just needing more time and she telling her that she needed to be considerate of who I am. Maya, I swear, I am not going back to her."

"You won't," she answered immediately. "It won't happen."

"But you don't know that."

"It's not logical," she rebutted. "Once everything is out there no one will be crazy enough to send you there."

"Yeah well I thought that it was madness when this started last year, and yet here we are," he said sharply. "I won't go Maya," he added, almost harshly, getting up.

Maya stepped back to give him room even as she braced herself. Alongside the anger in his voice was an undercurrent, one she could not describe but certainly had felt before. It was that sense of being entrapped, controlled by a situation beyond her control, and, frankly, for her - and she supposed Liam - it led to her acting out, wanting to do something, anything, that would give her a sense of agency in a situation where there was none to be had. It never quite worked to solve whatever situation had gotten her into the mindset in the first place, but at least some fun came out of it, and in the end her emotions and sense of entrapment were often lessened. Except, she had not done that in a long while. Her little rebellion in eighth grade that had landed the entire class in detention had been the end of it, and even then, that had more been about her wanting to have fun and a good time than there actually being something wrong. But, she had taken Matthews' lesson to heart and with time had become...calmer, for a lack of a better word to describe it. Oh it wasn't as if she didn't still have fun, especially with Liam, but it wasn't a crutch she used as much anymore.

She eyed him warily as his mouth twisted back and forth in obvious thought.

"I want to do something," he finally declared.

"And that something is?" she asked cautiously.

"She doesn't own me," he said. "I belong to me. Nothing I am is because of her."

"Okay," she said, leadingly, crossing her arms across her chest as she waited to see where this was going because she honestly couldn't follow his train of thought.

It took a moment, but Liam's countenance changed to one of almost malicious glee and Maya barely restrained the urge to sigh. Whatever this was, it was going to be bad.

"I want a tattoo."

* 

"You're quiet," Shawn noted later on that night, as he sat down besides Maya on the couch with a soft groan. Yeah, one of these days he would actually take Katy's advice and start stretching properly in the mornings to stop these residual aches that tended to settle in later on in the day. Thankfully at least his future wife was out and about with Topanga doing who knows what, but with Cory stuck in some sort of teacher development thing he hadn't really felt like venturing out himself. He had honestly been a bit surprised when Maya had gotten home shortly after nine. After all it wasn't as if the kid had a curfew and it was a Friday night after all, but also because, more often than not, she ended up at Riley's for the night. The thought of that was enough to have him smile lightly. This was his life now, a kid of his own who was the best friend of his best friend's kid. Wasn't it funny how life worked out like this?

"Got a lot on my mind," Maya answered him, as she shifted a bit closer to him so that she could rest her head against his shoulder.

"Starting with how you're going to explain your ears to Katy?" he asked with a hint of mirth in his voice.

Maya huffed and reached over to cuff him lightly. "I will have you know that mom and I had this discussion years ago. I could have done this anytime."

"A random Friday afternoon though?" he asked skeptically.

"Yeah well maybe it was a compromise that got Liam off the tattoo train," she said wryly.

Shawn arched an eyebrow at that, even as he wrapped an arm comfortably around her, pulling her a bit closer into him. "Liam's having a hard time right now, huh?"

"I don't know what to do, Shawn," she admitted. "I talked him down this time...but it's getting harder to."

"Yeah, well what he's going through isn't the easiest thing in the world."

"You had a hard time," Maya said, and when she looked at him, Shawn knew that she wasn't really looking at the him in front of her, but searching for the teenager he had been.

"I had," he said, scratching at his temple as he allowed his mind to wander back in time. "It was a rough time, a bad time," he corrected with grimace. "The things I got into."

"Like?"

"I was in a cult for a bit," he admitted, ashamed. "My family life had gone back to hell in a basket and I was just looking for something, anything that would help me feel like I belonged somewhere. It took nearly losing John to get me out of that. Then there was the period where I hit the bottles pretty hard or when I skipped town."

"But you came back."

"When Josh was born," he confirmed with a sad smile. Josh's birth had been one of the most terrifying days any of them had ever experienced, but thank god, he had been a trooper, even then, and had made it out alive and perfectly healthy in the long wrong.

"Liam is drinking," Maya said, and so quietly he almost missed it.

Shawn frowned at that, but to his credit, refrained from immediately lecturing on the dangers of alcohol and how it was definitely not something the sophomore should be messing with. "How much?" he asked instead.

"I don't know," Maya told him in that same quiet tone. "I threw away a bottle, but some days he comes to school and his breath smells."

"Have you told anyone?"

"You," she admitted ruefully, before looking away from him. "I think Mr. Jackson suspects. He's been asking me if I know what Liam has been doing. I haven't told him."

"Why?" he asked. Maya didn't answer though beyond a half shrug. Shawn sighed. The kid didn't need to say it. He knew the answer. Loyalty. She didn't want to get Liam in trouble, and she probably also thought that she could handle it herself. Oh to be that young again, and to believe that the power of friendship was infallible and could solve the worst of problems with time.

Unfortunately life didn't work that way.

"Did you grow up raised on stories of our glory days like Riley was?"

Maya pulled back to look at him, confused. "I've heard the stories."

"But you don't buy into them as much as she does, huh."

"No," she admitted.

"Good," he said frankly. "Look, Maya, growing up as we did, Cory, Topanga and I, hell even Angela I suppose, we stuck together a lot, through the good and the bad, we always knew that our friends would be there for us. And a lot of the times that was enough. We could help each other through whatever was going on. But sometimes we weren't enough. We couldn't be enough because we just weren't equipped to handle the situation. Those were the times we had to turn to other people for help, for interventions when we were over our heads. And yeah, it sucked, and hell yeah I was pissed and Cory more than once for involving other people in my business, but now that I'm older I get why he did it, why he had not choice but to do it, because he was basically trying to save me from myself and sometimes he wasn't enough to do that. Do you get what I'm saying kiddo?"

"That maybe I should do what I know is good for Liam and not what I think he wants?"

"That works," Shawn accepted after mulling over her words.

"Mr. Jackson said something similar, I think," she admitted.

"Then Mr. Jackson is very wise," Shawn said simply. "Kiddo, I don't know the full situation and you don't have to tell me, but what I do want for you is to think about things really carefully and ask for help okay? If not from me or your mom then from someone, anyone. Liam may be your friend, but he's not your responsibility. Share the burden."

"I will da-" Maya began to answer him before breaking off, suddenly coughing as she scooted back away from him entirely.

Shawn was instantly on alert. In the years he had known Maya the blonde had never been ill. Yet he supposed, even as he stood to go get her a glass of water and some of those pills Katy inevitably had, there was a first for anything and she had been traipsing around out in the cold for a while. Shawn would never know though that the cough had been orchestrated on Maya's part, a sudden move meant to disguise a word, a title that had mostly slipped passed her lips before she even realised exactly what she had nearly said. That was not something that Maya planned to share and so she dutifully drained the glass after downing two tablets and allowed herself to be shooed off to shower and get into bed where Shawn would have a hot cup of cocoa waiting for her which she enjoyed even as she wondered why her mind had conjured that word for Shawn.

* 

"Here we go," Maya muttered tiredly, rubbing at her forehead as they walked into the History classroom to find Matthews rocking himself back and forth on top the desk.

"Oh come on, where's your dignity man?" Liam asked, irritated as he took in the sight. They'd met up with him on the steps leading into the high school, and, since the two of them started the day with Mr. Jackson, had decided to tag along as she dropped Riley off though he didn't particularly care why Riley seemed to have a dark cloud over her head.

"Did she call you?" Riley asked her father, annoyance pronounced in her tone even as she stalked to her seat.

"And that is my cue to leave," Maya declared, looking towards where the rest of their group was. "Good luck with that," she finished gesturing to a glowering Riley.

"You!" Matthews said darkly, preventing her from a smooth exit as he turned his attention toward her. "You let this happen!"

"I didn't let anything happen," Maya said defensively. "This is all Riley."

"I left a happy wife home this morning," the man argued, even as he climbed off the desk, "a happy wife which means a happy life. A safe life. See those dark clouds out there?" he asked, gesturing wildly toward the window. "That is Mother Nature herself reflecting Topanga's rage. Whatever she did is going to get tossed on me, because anytime Riley and Auggie does something she doesn't like it's obviously my genes at work. Why didn't you stop her?" he ended with a whine.

"I didn't know it was going to happen," she said honestly. At first she had thought it amusing, Riley's little attempt at rebelling, and indeed she had been snickering even as she gave Topanga sass as well, because it was a rare chance for that to happen. But then Topanga had laid down the lay which brought an end to the merriment, and far from Riley doing like her and just nodding obediently, Riley had said no, and well, that left them in this current situation.

"Um, anybody want to fill us in?" Lucas asked tentatively, causing her to look at him. "We got here to him like this."

"Riley's gone and lost her goddamn mind and is challenging her mother," she said succinctly. Lucas got it, hell everyone in the class got it from the way they all instinctively pulled a had all heard the stories, and a few of them had even seen her in action once or twice when the situation was warranted.

"She's wrong," Riley said stubbornly, "and I don't see why I need to listen to her. I had my plans in place long before she decided that she had plans for me, so mines takes precedence."

"Riley it's not that big a deal," Maya argued tiredly. She still hadn't managed to decode exactly what was going on with her friend. Riley had steadfastly refused to talk about anything that didn't directly relate to the show they were marathoning, and finally, Maya had just given up and let things be. Seeing the current situation though, she regretted not pushing harder. Riley blowing up on her would have been infinitely better than her trying to take on the Godzilla that was her mother.

"Look," Lucas said, looking toward his girlfriend. "It seems like you're in the wrong here, Riley? So why don't you just apologise to your mom and put this behind you huh?"

"Shut up, Lucas," Riley snapped. "I don't have to do anything."

Maya's brows shot up at that. Since when was Lucas unable to sway Riley on something. She hadn't even glanced at him.

"Okay then," Lucas said, drawing out the words even as he leant back in his seat.

"That wasn't very nice, Riley," Farkle said from beside her. "We're just trying to help you here."

"I don't need any help," she insisted stubbornly, though this time, Maya noted, her tone didn't have that venomous edge and she actually turned to her friend, eyeing him for a long moment before she squirmed, and faced front again, nipping on her lip.

"Do we really have to be here for this?" Liam complained, tugging at her shirt. "And should you even be wearing pants?" he added, his tone growing mischievous.

"They're glorified yoga pants and they're high waisted," she answered, batting at his hand when he moved to start prodding at her side as if to judge for himself. "Stop that."

"It's not going to heal properly if it gets rub against," he sing-songed, and she smacked at his hand, harder this time before turning to glare at him.

"We aren't going to be able to follow your schedule if I get grounded over this," she hissed, lowering her tone.

Far from being upset, Liam only seemed even more amused. She rolled her eyes and turned away from him, focussing instead on the conversation she had missed while dealing with her friend. Her eyes met Lucas and she saw the curious expression on his face as he glanced from her stomach to her ears and then to her face, arching an eyebrow as their eyes met. She shrugged and gave him a falsely innocent smile. Surprisingly save her parents, he was the first to notice what she'd done. Yeah, she hadn't been actively hiding the fact over the weekend, but her hair had been messy enough and the earrings small enough that the Matthews hadn't seemed to notice. And it wasn't as if she'd been shirtless at any point during the weekend so Riley wouldn't have seen her stomach…She couldn't exactly blame the latter on Liam. Oh the earrings had been to match the one he had wanted to get (and a single lobe piercing on a girl had seemed weird in her opinion) but looking at the various pictures on the wall of the place she had been intrigued and somehow that had expanded to her going out on a whim and getting it.

Lucas didn't buy the look on her face if the look he gave her in response was anything to go by, but she was pretty certain that there was at least a brief flicker of interest in his eyes before he was distracted by Riley who was now protesting as her father smashed a walnut, and she did not even want to know where he had gotten that hammer from.

Thankfully, in her opinion the first warning bell rang. "And that is our cue," she said, her second attempt at them leaving. "Riley," she said loudly and firmly enough to get her best friend's attention. "This isn't the end of the world. Just do what your mom says and this will blow over."

"I am not," she insisted. "We're going to do as we originally planned and watch those last three episodes before the new one."

"This is about that stupid show?" Liam asked loudly and with disgust. "Man I cannot deal with you all," he finished. "Blondie, I'll get your things from your locker. Meet you in Art."

"Yeah sure," she agreed offhandedly before focussing on Riley once again. "That couldn't have happened anyway, honey," she pointed out. "I have a club meeting this evening. I'd barely make it in time for the new episode, far less finishing up the marathon. So you see," she continued, her tone cajoling, "it doesn't really matter. Just go help your mom."

"No."

"I give up," Maya said then, exasperated as she finally realised that there was no reasoning with Riley, not in this mood. She sighed, and ran her hand through her hair. "I'll wear purple to your funeral," she said simply, before turning to leave.

"Wait," Sarah said, sounding panicked. "You can't leave us like this."

"What do you mean?" she asked reflexively before looking to where she was pointing.

Matthews was once more curled in on himself, muttering about the world ending and his own offspring being the cause of his demise. God, she loved them, but sometimes she just wanted to tap each and every Matthews upside the head to get them to behave like rational human beings.

"What am I supposed to do?" she asked grumpily, even as she stalked to his desk as the second bell rang to write herself a hall pass to get out of detention. And, just because she felt as if she was owed it due to the emotional stress she had endured so far this morning, she wrote out a second but didn't date it to use on a next occasion. Lucas sent her a reproachful look at that, but she pointedly ignored him.

"We can't have class with him catatonic," Sarah pointed out.

"Let one of the nerds teach it," she answered, gesturing towards Farkle and Smackle even as she pocketed the slips.

"That isn't as fun as it used to be," Farkle answered mildly.

"You all are testing me today, aren't cha?" she grumbled, even as she looked at the teacher, wondering how she could best deal with this. She glanced at his hand, getting an idea from the friendship ring his wife had only now given him permission to wear once again.

Smiling, she put on her sweetest tone and said, "Uncle Cory, I need to get to class. Are you going to be okay?"

It took a few seconds for her words to register before the man's head shot up and he stared at her wide eyed. "Uncle Cory?" he repeated, in disbelief. She only offered a smile in response because it was clear that her on the spot plan had already achieved its objective. "Uncle Cory!" he repeated, this time enthusiastically as he hopped off the desk and all but skipped over to her, suddenly merry. "That's right! Shawnie's getting married."

"In a month!" she added.

"In a month," he parroted. "My Shawnie's going to be a married man and you're going to be my niece. Oh this is great, isn't it?" he said grinning broadly even as he hugged her. "You're better than a daughter. You're Shawn's kid. My niece! I can die happy now."

"Hey," Riley protested.

"You don't exist to me," he snapped glaring at Riley before turning back to her with a sappy grin. "What were you saying, oh beloved niece of mine?"

"I was asking if you were okay, Uncle Cory," she replied in that same slightly weedling tone. "I don't want my favourite uncle to be unhappy for even a single moment."

"And that's why I love you."

"Hey!" Riley protested.

"You don't exist!" the man repeated, glaring at her again.

"I have to get to class," Maya pointed out, "so are you going to be okay?"

"The bell already rang," he said, frowning.

"You already wrote me a pass," she answered waving it in his face.

"I did? Of course I did? Off you go then. The faster you go to class the faster the day ends and we're that much closer to Shawn's wedding!"

"Yes sir," she agreed.

Maybe her plan had gone a little too well, she acknowledged, shooting the class an apologetic look, because yeah the man wasn't a broken mess anymore, but maybe she had taken him too far to the other end of the spectrum. She wasn't too sure what sort of class they would have with a teacher who seemed ready to bounce off the roof and his inversely morose daughter who seemed to be radiating an aura of negativity.

But that, Maya decided as she hurried out the room, definitely was not her problem.

* 

"Wow, come here you," Katy bid, reaching out to grab Topanga's hand and tumble her down beside her on the couch when her friend made to leave the apartment in the same whirlwind she had entered.

"I have to get to Riley," Topanga protested, sounding frazzled.

"Yeah and it's that same gung-ho attitude that stopped you from hearing she'd left here already," Katy chided, though good-naturedly. It was honestly amusing (and a bit reassuring) to see her friend like this. Topanga Lawrence-Matthews was the epitome of perfection in everything, so to see her actually struggling with parenthood? Yeah, it was funny to her. Nevertheless, Topanga had had a rough few days with a suddenly willful Riley and it was obviously starting to take its toll on her if her drawn expression was anything to go by. "Relax, Topanga," Katy bid. "Riley's on a sub back home right now, where your husband and son are. So you just stay here for a bit and calm down before you head back out."

"I don't get why she's acting like this," Topanga said tiredly. "I mean I get I'm wrong for not considering her feelings but-"

"There's this modern thing called a remote," Katy interrupted smoothly, "that can be used programmed to record a show. Don't let Riley off on this," she said firmly. "You weren't wrong there. I'm actually proud that Maya didn't aid and abet her there or else she'd be grounded too, which I assume you're going to stick to?"

"I am," Topanga said after a moment's consideration. "She was rude at the very least," she muttered, running her hand through her hair. "And you're right about Maya," she added, glancing back at the hall she had just come out of. "She didn't go along with Riley in this. You know she came to the bakery yesterday after her club meeting? I was shocked when I got back from dealing with Riley. Maya was there working and giving out stuff. I told her she hadn't needed to come. That technically I'm not her ma."

Katy snickered at that. "Yeah well I think it's safe to say that Maya's changed, matured even," she added after a moment. "Things aren't just about supporting Riley and having a good time for her anymore."

"Yeah well it's a maturity I wish my kid had," Topanga said, sighing. "Katy if Riley can't accept that she has to miss an episode of her show, how's she going to react if we decide to go?" she asked, frustrating clear in her tone. "This is the only sign I need to give me my answer."

"No," Katy corrected immediately, "this is you looking for any excuse not to actually have to think deeply about this."

"Don't get fresh," she grumbled, causing Katy to snicker despite the serious situation. She occasionally checked in on Topanga and the whole potential move to London, and truthfully she was nowhere closer to a decision now that she had been at the start. Her pro and con list was pretty much even, but so far, Katy had been refraining from telling her what was painfully obvious. Logic wasn't going to give her the answer she needed. Topanga really just had to put faith in herself and her family and allow that to get her to the decision that she needed to make.

"Let's not dwell on that right now," Katy said gently, when Topanga leant her head against her shoulder. "One crisis at a time. Right now you have a full-blown teenage meltdown to deal with."

"Don't remind me," she said with a groan before reluctantly straightening. "Thank you for dealing with the craziness that is the Matthews' family."

"Seeing that I'm soon to be Mrs. Mr. Cory Matthews it's something I've just come to accept," she joked, causing Topanga to chuckle.

"God I'm so glad I have you," Topanga responded leaning across briefly to hug her. "I'll tell you later how it goes?"

"Please do, I can use the entertainment," Katy said airly, even as she pulled the script she had been highlighting back onto her lap, having set it aside at Topanga's arrival earlier. Getting and discussing this script had been the reason for her absence at the bakery yesterday and today and Katy really hoped that this wasn't a sign of chaos to come when she went away for six weeks for filming.

"Oh," Topanga said, even as she stood up. "Have you heard back from Kermit?" she asked, lowering her tone just in case Maya left her bedroom.

Katy nodded, her good mood fading slightly. "He says he'll be this side soon-ish and he wants to meet up and hash this out once and for all. I don't like the delaying tactic but if he's at least willing to talk I'll take it."

"I'll be there if you need me," Topanga said firmly, "even if it just is to tear him a new one."

"Thanks Panga," she answered with a gentle smile. "But one battle at a time okay? Go deal with Riley."

"Gotcha."

* 

"So I happily accept my title as the social king of our year," Zay said with flourish as he jumped onto the bed with a grin that only broadened when Lucas shot him an annoyed look as the gesture made his pen scratch across the page. Lucas sighed, glad that he had only written two lines thus far and thus it was not too much to have to re-write.

"What do you mean, Zay?" he asked, even as he ripped and crumpled up the page, successfully throwing it into the bin across the room.

"Hey, don't give me that tone," Zay protested. "You're the one who came to my house for a sleepover. The second one in two days I might add."

"We were at Farkle's yesterday."

"Still a sleepover dude. Speaking of which I assume this has something to do with him or Maya since he's not here."

"Couldn't I just want to spend time with my best friend?"

"I'd have bought that if I had told you that mama was baking one of her pies. As is, you're just here for advice." Zay gave him a broad grin even as he puffed out his chest. "Don't worry, Lukey, this was bound to happen eventually. After all, I am now the bonafide love expect. Come now. Ask me whatever you will and I'll answer."

Lucas snorted at that, even as he used a pillow to knock that boastful expression off Zay's face. "Since when are you a love-expert?" he asked, even as he moved his notebook and pens off to the side. That could wait until this was over.

"I'm dating Isadora," he said smugly, "which as everyone has said thus far, is the most stable relationship out of the six of us."

"Who is everyone?" Lucas asked with exasperation.

"Don't question my sources. Question why your own relationship ain't stable."

Lucas paused and ruefully rubbed at the back of his neck, seeing the wisdom in his words. "Can we be serious here?" he grumbled.

"I'm being entirely serious," Zay said, dropping his playful demeanour. "Look Lukey, what do you want to talk about exactly? Your non-relationship with Riley or your un-official one with Maya?"

"You can't phrase it that way," he muttered.

"The hell I can't," Zay scoffed. "We talked about this last year, Lucas, and we ended off with you saying you were in love with Maya but you had to stay with Riley. And if your relationship with that girl was lukewarm back then, it's ice cold now. The girl don't even give that 'you're-the-most-special-person-in-the-world-besides-Maya' smile to you anymore. That's for Farkle these days, and if you even pretend to be surprised by that, I'll hit you good."

Lucas simply looked away at that, not able to deny his friend's words, though, at first, he really had wondered if it had been wishful thinking on his part when he had first noticed it happening, his mind desperately giving him some small amount of hope to cling to that would, eventually, give him the safe out of his relationship with Riley that he had been looking for. After all, him breaking up with Riley would be problematic, him and Riley mutually agreeing that they were better off ending their relationships (albeit to pursue other interests) would work well, and would probably prevent a lot of the fallout that the former option would have caused.

"One of the things I actually wanted to talk to you about was Farkle," Lucas said, his expression thoughtful. "Has he spoken to you about me in any way? He's been acting a bit off with me lately." It wasn't as bad as the Billy situation back in the day when Farkle had questioned their friendship, but he had seen the searching looks Farkle had started off with throwing his way a few weeks ago, something that had now escalated to Farkle being sometimes abrupt with him or else overly interested in whatever casual thing they were talking about, something that ensured that nothing past the impersonal could be broached.

"Oh, I noticed that," Zay said immediately, "but I'm kinda surprised you just didn't talk to him."

"It's not the easiest conversation to start," Lucas admitted. "Yo Farkle, why are you avoiding me?"

"Yeah well that's not the best approach," Zay allowed.

"And I'm pretty certain Smackle's noticed."

"Oh she has," Zay said. "Told me that she was contemplating telling him off again."

"Again?" Lucas parroted, confused.

"Yeah, she knows what's going on. And she didn't even need to tell me why cuz I've been seeing it too. I don't know how I ended up saddled with a bunch of ridiculously oblivious friends, but I guess it's my cross to bear," he finished with a dramatic sigh.

It took Lucas a moment to draw the right conclusion, and when he did he reached up to smack himself on the forehead. Hadn't they also talked about this the last time they had had a sleepover? "Farkle realised he likes Riley," he said, with a groan.

"And Bingo was his name-o," Zay sang sarcastically. "Isadora had to help him get his head out of his rear, but yeah, I think that's what's going on. The boy's in love with his best friend's girlfriend. Once again we have a triangle in our midst."

"We need a new favourite shape," Lucas grumbled, causing Zay to snort.

"You, Maya and Riley. You, Farkle and Riley. I would say me, Isadora and Farkle but I let that whole thing sought itself out first. For a bit I was wondering if a Maya, Liam, Shane thing was happening, ooooh and we can't forget you, Maya and good ole Uncle Josh. Oh and there's you, Maya, and Shane…"

"I get it," Lucas interrupted tersely.

"Once you do. So, how ya going to handle this?"

"I'm not sure," he admitted. "I'm not sure things can go as smoothly for us as it did for you and Smackle."

"Why can't it?" he asked, confused. "You don't like Riley and Farkle and Riley like each other. Just remove yourself from the equation and watch the magic happen."

"You really think it's that simple, Zay?"

"It's as simple as 1, 2, 3."

"Then I'll talk to her tomorrow," Lucas decided, even as he acknowledged that he was perhaps feeling too great a feeling of relief at this, "her and Farkle. We'll get this all straightened out."

"Good."

Except, for all Lucas' good intentions, that was a conversation that would take three more weeks to come, because somehow, over the course of that afternoon, Riley had made her situation worse than ever and had gotten herself grounded, putting not only her social life, but personal conversations, on hold.

* 

"Huckleberry?" Maya called out, confused as she heard a distinctive rap against her bedroom door, one she hadn't heard for a few weeks now.

"Yeah, it's me," he replied, easing the door open. "No Liam?" he asked, obviously remembering her saying that the two of them had planned to spend the afternoon together, trying to make a dent into their art projects.

"He wanted tacos," she answered, settling her paint brush into a cup of dirty water, even as she eyed him curiously. "What are you doing here?"

Lucas shrugged, even as he held out the bag he had brought with him to her. Despite her confusion, Maya couldn't help but let out a squeal and cross the distance to him quickly, snatching away and hugging the still warm chimiguna containing bag to her chest.

"Yeah that is so not normal," Lucas noticed with a chuckle, even as he bypassed her to sit on the edge of her bed. "There's one in there for Liam too, although I'm not sure if he likes it."

"More for me if he doesn't," she sing-songed happily. She had been bereft of the delicious treat for far too long, and while she had been more than capable of getting it for herself, the first time she had tried, it had just tasted plain, as if there was something missing from it. The reason had been obvious. It was the person who bought and brought it to her that had caused chimigunas to take on a grader significance for her, and with it, made it seem like the best food in the entire world.

"Why are you here?" she repeated even as she dropped down beside him, opened the bag, took out one of the chimigunas and spilt it, offering it to him.

"I wanted to check up on you," Lucas answered, taking it from her with a small nod of thanks. "You've been awful quiet these past few days."

"I've been busy."

"Quiet beyond that," he answered, though she saw the way his eyes did sweep about her bedroom, taking in the amount of art supplies scattered about the room. Somehow she couldn't really get the required inspiration at school for the exhibition piece and had decided to switch her setting about for a bit. It worked, moderately, but Maya was already well aware that what was slowly forming on her canvas was not the great speaking work her teacher had mentioned before. But, since it was keeping her occupied, and more importantly, gave Liam something to rag on which kept him occupied, she was not going to complain.

"Come on," Lucas cajoled. "I know something's up. You've got that far away look in your eyes when you think that no one's looking, and I know it's not because Riley's in lockdown in her dad's classroom as well. Her mom is being quite thorough," he couldn't help but add with a rueful shake of her head.

"Well Riley was apparently that much of a terror," Maya said with a shake of her head. "But, you're right. It's not really Riley. I-."

"Is it Shane?" he asked gently.

She chuckled and shot him a rueful look. "There are other things beside Shane I deal with you know."

"He's the obvious problem."

She snickered at that, surprised that his words didn't evoke any real sort of emotional reaction from her. But then again, there hadn't been any undercurrent to his statement either. It was said as a matter of fact and she wasn't quite sure what to make of it. "I almost called Shawn 'dad' the other day," she said, not really wanting to allow that train of thought to go much further than that.

"And that's a bad thing?" he asked, confused. "That's who he is to you."

"Yeah, except I have an actual dad," she said, twisting her mouth. "Besides, he can't be my dad. Riley told me. Him marrying mom doesn't make me his daughter. I'd be his step-daughter. I will have a dad and a step-dad and I can't really go around calling Shawn 'dad' now can I?"

"I don't see why not," Lucas admitted. "I mean, when it comes to doing actual dad stuff, Mr. Hunter's the one who's been doing it for you."

"Hence the conflict," Maya admitted, even as she licked some chocolate off her fingers, her casual gesture at odds with the serious conversation they were having. "My dad is still my day," she explained. "I know he left. I told him he should of stayed and that that would have been enough. I told him I couldn't forgive him last year, and I still stand by that, but still...he's still my dad, Lucas, and I don't know...as much as I love Shawn, I...he's not my dad dad, you know?"

Maya bit at her lip as she finished talking, wondering if she had done a good enough joy of verbalising the confusion she had been experiencing ever since that attitude on the course. She loved Shawn, and loved having him as a parental figure in her life, but somehow, to actually give him the title, that seemed like an almost betrayal to the man she had had before, albeit only for a few fleeting years, even if a part of her did know that he didn't deserve it.

"I don't know what to say," Lucas answered carefully, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I...that's something that's beyond my league."

"No worries, Huckleberry," she said gently, reaching over to touch his knee. "I know ya ain't a miracle worker."

"I kind of wish I was."

"It's not that bad," she reassured him. "It's not like this is keeping me up at night or something," she joked, "that's Liam's forte these days. I'm sorry if I worried you, but...I kind of don't at the same thing," she couldn't help but admit.

"Why?"

"It got you here," she said softly, almost shyly. "You said you were staying away. And yet here you are again."

"I guess I am," he answered, "but I promised you a next person to talk to and since that's still a work in progress I decided I would have to do."

It was an odd thing to say, but Maya wasn't really in the mood to dig too deeply into any underlying meanings. She was just glad that he was here.

"Thank you," she settled for saying instead, her tone ringing with sincerity. And she meant it too. Lucas had come here to her, breaking his own vow, and all because he had sensed her preoccupation. She doubted that anyone else had noticed, not that she blamed them. Everyone had their own lives, their own issues, their own relationships to deal with. Gone was the time when everyone was one hundred percent involved in each other's every moments, and it both saddened yet relieved her. Yet, it also made it all the more special that Lucas of all people would have noticed something, and have come to her to see if she was okay, his presence a reassurance to her even if there really wasn't anything he could do to help.

Maya didn't even realise how her expression softened, but in a moment, she was leaning closer to him to place a soft kiss on his cheek. "Thank you," she whispered again, as she sat back.

"Anytime, princess," Lucas answered gruffly, reaching up to touch the spot she had pressed her lips to.

"You too are absolutely disgusting, you know."

Maya jumped, jolted from the cozy environment that had settled between them at Liam's disgusted tone. And, he meant it. There wasn't an ounce of humour anywhere in his voice, and when she met his eyes, they were cold. "What's got your panties in a bunch?" she asked gruffly, even as she shifted away from Lucas.

"This bullshit is going on for far too long, ya hear?"

"Language," Lucas reprimanded immediately, causing Liam to shoot him an entirely unimpressed look.

"You're cozying up with someone else's girl in her bedroom and I'm the one who needs to check myself? Please dude, give me a break," he said with a scoff.

"Liam-"

"All I'm saying is that this stupid-what the hell do you guys call it? Square? Octagon? Whatever it is it's getting fricking old pretty quick. But hey, that ain't my problem. I'm going to get us drinks to go with the food."

"Is he okay?" Lucas asked as he stomped off back towards the main part of the apartment.

Maya shrugged, actually not completely sure. Liam's temper was growing increasingly volatile the more time passed and she had been taking it in strides. But he actually seemed upset about her and Lucas. The question was, why?


	52. Chapter 52

This was swiftly becoming a custom, Riley thought as her mom came into her bedroom, carrying a bag of pretzels and a bottle of juice. "Rations?" she joked, as she sat up. She had been laying on her stomach reading a book she had picked up on a whim nearly a year before but had not so much as cracked until now. It was one of the benefits of being grounded. It gave her a lot of time to do the things she had been putting off for a while, like cleaning out her closet and rearranging her bookshelf.

"We feed you," Topanga rebutted, mock glaring at her even as she joined her on the bed handing over the pretzels before settling the bottle on the ground near the foot of the bed fo now. "Let's just all this a bit of a treat for good behaviour."

"I deserve this?" Riley asked hesitantly, recalling one of the heated comments that had passed between the two of them days prior. Her mom visiting her had turned into a nightly routine. The treat, not so much?

Besides her, her mother sighed and flicked some hair out of her face. "Maybe I phrased that badly," she allowed. "It's not that I want you to have the idea that good behaviour, goodness on the whole doesn't deserve recognition. I just don't want you to feel that you're entitled to have your way because you're a good person, because if you move with that mentality then you're not being good for being good's sake, but you're being good for the hope of a reward. And that is self-serving, and I definitely do not want a child of mine to go out into the world only acting in a way that benefits her."

"Oh," Riley said simply, taking a moment to reflect on what her mother had said. "I do that a lot, huh?"

"More than I realised before this week," her mother admitted. "I'm not putting the blame on you, Riley, not all of it at least, but somewhere along the line I think Cory and I started to send mixed signals to you, maybe even your friends as well, I don't know, but yeah, I think the prestige of being good went to your head a little more than it should. Huh," she added thoughtfully, tapping at her chin, "well that would make it a good thing that this happened, so we can nip it in the bud."

Once again, Riley took time to respond, her hands automatically opening the bag of pretzels in the interim. She offered it to her mom before snagging one. "Am I selfish, mom?" she asked.

"Why are you asking that?" her mother returned, biting on the snack.

"That's what being self-serving is, right? Doing something for my own benefit. I...I've done that right? And not just with the show. I've done things because they've benefitted me before."

"To the detriment of someone else?"

"I...I don't know," Riley admitted, around a mouthful of salty goodness. She thought about it, choosing to focus on her friends than on the world generally because that gave her a narrower focus. And yeah, now that she was looking at it from the perspective her mother had offered her, she could come up with more than a few times that she'd done things because it would be good for her. And had she ever stopped to think of the effect it would have on someone else? No, she hadn't.

She squirmed at the thought, and suddenly, almost unbidden two faces flashed in her mind, Farkle and Lucas, before a third face, Maya's came to the forefront. Her free hand clenched in a fist at the thought.

"What is it?" her mother asked, as if sensing her sudden change in mood.

"Mom, can we talk about something?" she asked, her voice growing tentative as she met her mother's eyes.

"Of course," she responded immediately, her tone serious. "Anything."

"I-" Riley paused, trying to see how best she could put her thoughts into words, because truthfully, her 'rebellion' as she liked to think of it, hadn't come about strictly because of her anger at her mother's edict. No, there was a lot more to it than that. She hadn't been feeling right for a few days at that point - still wasn't if she were completely honest- but back then she had been desperate for any reprieve from the thoughts in her mind and the feelings that coiled within her as a result of those said thoughts. That desperation had led her to throw herself into a marathon of her favourite show because she did not have to think about her own life if she was busy engrossing herself in the lives of others. That was why she had lashed out at her mother so badly. Her crutch had been working and the woman unknowingly had been trying to rip that from her and she had not wanted that. Yeah, instead of being reasonable about it, she had thrown what amounted to as a glorified tantrum, but at the time she had thought it justified. Not so much now. "I like Farkle," she said, finally giving voice to what had been plaguing her ever since that day Farkle had escorted her home, ever since she had met his gaze and felt a shift within her very being.

Her mother inhaled sharply, and looking at her, Riley say the slight widening of her mother's eyes before her surprise was replaced by a knowing expression. "You had an idea," Riley rightly deduced.

"I had wondered," her mother admitted softly, reaching over to stroke her cheek. "That sleepover you, Smackle and Maya had. It may have been geared towards Smackle, but the way both you and Maya reacted, I figured that there was more, that what we were talking about applied to the both of you as well."

"I saw Farkle," she admitted, referring to the mental exercise they had done. "I thought it was wrong but...I saw Farkle, and now I know that I like Farkle."

"And yet you sound as if this is the worst thing in the world," her mother answered softly.

"It is," Riley returned, her voice lowering with the force of the emotion she was feeling. "Mom, I can't like Farkle."

"Why can't you?" she asked easily. "Farkle's a great boy. You've known him almost as long as Maya and though the two of you gave that poor boy hell for a few years there, he's always been there for you and you've always cared for him."

There was something familiar in how her mother was describing her past interactions with Farkle, but it took her a moment to make the connection, and when she did, it was her turn to get wide-eyed.

"What?" her mother asked, curiously, taking in her expression.

Riley swallowed. Hadn't her mother realised what she had said? Implied? Farkle. A long-time friend - childhood friend. Sometimes neglected by both her and Riley, sometimes ignored but yet still a constant presence. Someone she had grown to appreciate more and more with time. Someone she now liked. Farkle, based on her mother's words, fit, almost to a T the very profile she had grown up hearing, the one her father used whenever he spoke fondly of his life growing up with the woman sitting across from her. What her mother had just described was basically her own childhood relationship with her husband.

So did that mean that Farkle was her Topanga?

That thought both comforted and disturbed her. She'd always said that she wanted what her parents had. She wanted a love pure, strong and everlasting as theirs, and for the past two years she'd thought that she'd found that in Lucas. But had she? Had she truly? The answer was obvious if she now had eyes for someone else.

"Farkle is my you?" she finally said.

"Oh boy," her mother exhaled. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, okay? There is only one me, and the me that I am is for your father. If Farkle is for you, let's look at him in his own rights and not from your father and I's life."

"Okay," she agreed, "but that doesn't solve my problem."

"And what is the problem?"

"That I like Farkle."

"That isn't that big of a problem," her mother said. "You're young. You're allowed to like different people."

"Dad said he always knew that he loved you."

"Doesn't mean that we were each other's only relationship," she scoffed. "I'd have you know that both of us liked plenty of people before we got together, and there may have been one or two people while we were together."

"Besides the mountain girl?"

"Oh yeah," she said with a bit of a laugh. "At one point it seemed like Cory was chasing after a new girl a week. Not that Shawn was any better."

"And you?" Riley asked.

"Less," her mother answered, after a moment's contemplation. "I wasn't short on admirers myself, but I was a bit more selective. But, what's most important Riley is that you're allowed to like other people. Heck, now is the time for it. I get why this is such a big deal for you, it's always been Lucas this and Lucas that since the day you met him. But just because he's your first crush, your first boyfriend, doesn't mean that he has to be your first everything."

"I get that," Riley answered. "High school isn't like middle school mom. I see people break up every week. Smackle and Farkle broke up and if they could what exactly is left for the rest of us? But...it's not the same. I can't just...I can't just like Farkle, mom. It's not fair."

"How is it not fair?" she asked, genuine confusion lacing her tone.

"It's not fair to Maya," Riley said quietly, her fingers fidgetting once gain.

"What does you liking Farkle have to do with May-ooooh," her mother finished knowingly. "That's where the selfish thing comes in huh?"

"Now you get it," Riley said sadly, giving voice to the guilty thoughts that had been assaulting her lately. "I let Maya have Lucas after Texas and then I decided that I wanted him back and that put us in the triangle and I kept fighting her for him. I got him, Lucas chose me over Maya and now what? Now I like someone else? How is that fair to Maya?"

"Lucas chose you though, didn't he?" her mother pointed out. "You didn't force that decision."

"Did he really choose me?" Riley asked, with a sudden realisation, recalling the chain of events that had led up to their conversation at the lodge's bay window (and boy didn't there seem to be a bay window everywhere?). Thinking about it now, it didn't seem quite romantic that Lucas had asked her to be his girlfriend after reading Maya's letter, a letter that, she now understood, had basically told Lucas what to do. Not that he had had that much of a choice in the matter right? He had always steadfastly said that he liked the both of them, it was why it had taken so long for a solution to be found anyway, so if one of them had backed out then his dilemma would have been over. One or the other right? "Does Lucas like me?" she inquired. "I mean does he like me, like me?"

"I wouldn't know that."

"You would," she contradicted. "You're a lawyer mom. It's your job to figure people out so you can defend them or rip them apart."

"Well that is part of it," the woman allowed before she sighed. "I still can't speak for Lucas though Riley, or rather I won't."

"But why?"

"Because you're looking for an out and I'm not going to give that to you. It'd be easy to justify your own feelings for Farkle if you didn't have to worry about whether or not Lucas likes you romantically and I'm not going to give you that out."

"This is more of me looking out for my own interest, huh?" she asked ruefully.

"This is you looking for an easy way out of a tough thing," her mother corrected gently. "Riley, how about we just focus on you right now, huh? You and your feelings, because that is what should influence what you do going forward."

"And what should I do?"

"What is best for you?"

"Won't that be selfish?"

"I walked right into that," Topanga replied, laughing, and despite the situation, even Riley cracked a smiled at that.

"I have to think about Maya though," Riley said after a moment. "God...she's been the most affected by this, by me. I've been walking all over her."

"I wouldn't say that," her mother said. "Maya's no doormat, not for anyone, not even you."

"She is when she thinks there's something I really want," Riley rebutted. "Or at least she used to be," she added, recalling how lately, heck, ever since the lodge actually, Maya had increasingly distanced herself from her actions or else called her out of it, this past week being a prime example of that. After all, she was the one in trouble, not her best friend, and Maya had done quite a bit to try to dissuade her from her course of action before leaving her be. Previously she would have gotten right in the mix with her, whether or not she fully agreed with her. Now not so much. But that didn't change the fact that she had gone along with her before. Heck, even though she and Maya had spent most of Boxing Day rummaging through clothes in order to re-invigorate Maya's wardrobe, she had hardly worn any of it so far, and now, thinking about it, Riley felt guilty. She'd been the one in the first place to encourage Maya to get rid of all the clothes Uncle Shawn had bought her, and then she'd been the one to encourage her once again to get more clothes, some of which were in a similar style to the very ones she had sold. And Maya had gone along with it. In the same way Maya had gone along with her stretching out the triangle for a lot longer than perhaps was necessary. Hadn't Maya for weeks prior to the Ski Lodge called for a decision to be made either way? Maya had seemed fed up of it all at times and yet, due to her own persistence had continued along because she herself had not been ready for a decision to be made. Because...because...Riley swallowed and shook her head, dismissing that thought before it fully formed.

"I fought so hard to get Lucas," she said, meeting her mom's gaze. "I fought Maya for him. I got him. How can I not like him now? How can I like someone else? How can that someone else be Farkle? How can I do that to Maya? After all of that, how can I give him up?"

"Riley," her mother said, her tone quiet, "you realise that you're sounding like you mind is already made up? That you know that you want to break up with Lucas? For Farkle?"

She had no immediate response for that.

* 

Topanga looked up as she heard the click of the front door being unlocked before it was pushed open, mildly surprised to see that it was Maya entering. "Hey," the teenager greeted, even as she closed the door behind her and started to shrug out of her jacket, "that book any good?"

"So-so," Topanga replied, marking her spot and setting it aside, eyeing the teenager curiously. "Riley's still on lockdown for a week, you know," she pointed out.

"Six days to be precise," Maya corrected with a cheeky grin.

As the teen walked over to where she was, Topanga saw her eyes drift over to where Auggie and Ava were playing quietly in the 'adult' bay window, seemingly oblivious to everything and everyone save the world they had created for themselves using Auggie's legos.

"Besides," Maya added, as she dropped down beside her heavily with a small 'oof', "this is more of a Topanga Matthews visit."

"You're here for me?" Topanga said, unable to keep a hint of excitement out of her tone. Cory was usually the first one her daughter and her friends tended to turn to whenever something was wrong or they needed advice unless it was extremely personal in nature. Topanga always tried her best not to take it too personal, after all Cory simply just had more access to them than her on any given occasion, but right now, it was her that she needed, not her husband and that, if she were honest, caused her to puff out her chest slightly with pride.

"I need a sort of legal perspective here," Maya admitted, reaching down to take and start playing with the end of one of her braids. Her hair had just about reached back to where it was pre-summer cut last year, Topanga noted, reaching over to finger the other braid fondly, even as she mentally chuckled at the disaster the cut had ended up being for Riley. Only her kid would sneeze and jerk mid-snip causing her to end up with a long bob hairstyle rather than the few inches that she'd taken the two girls in for as a welcome to high school treat.

"Well I am the resident lawyer," Topanga finally said. "Now tell me, is this legal advice for you or for a friend, because if it is for you, I'll thank you for coming here without a police officer in toe this time."

Maya snickered at that, but had the grace to look shamefaced for a moment. "It's for my friend, Liam. I'm sure Matthews told you about him."

"In great detail," she answered dryly. "Apparently he's you on all the steroids without a Riley to keep him in check, and apparently he loves attacking my husband."

"Now I wouldn't call it attacking per se," the teenager said, her tone amused, "and it wouldn't be so bad if Matthews wouldn't shriek whenever he sees him."

"He locked him in a closet."

"He got himself out."

"Only because Shawn taught him how to pick locks back in the day."

"The point is he got out," she said pertly.

Topanga chuckled at that, tugging lightly at the girl's braid before releasing it. "Now tell me, how can I help Liam?"

Topanga had honestly expected Maya to relate some minor, and more than likely amusing situation Maya's friend had gotten himself into, something that she would only have to offer a few minutes of advise on to bring the situation to a good end, but no, by the end, when Maya was done speaking, Topanga was sitting up straighter, her head and heart hurting for a teenager she hadn't yet had the pleasure of meeting, and angry at a mother who dared to hurt a child in such a way.

"I just want to know how much of a chance she actually stands of getting him," Maya finished, her tone morose. "I want to give him some hope, any hope that I can because he's getting worse and I don't know what to do anymore. He's getting worse every day and I don't think that I can handle it anymore."

"Worse, how?" Topanga asked, concerned, because she could tell how genuinely worrisome this was for the girl. "You don't think he's going to hurt himself right?"

"I don't think so," she answered, "but he's...lashing out? At everyone?"

"Well that's not good."

"I know it isn't," she agreed, "but it's hard to tell him to calm down when he may have to go back to his abusive mom."

"I understand why you'd want to help," Topanga told her, "but right now, without seeing all the points of the case, I don't want to give you or him false hope," she said.

"But-"

"Let me finish," she interrupted gently. "With just what you've told me I would say that he has nothing to worry about, but the fact remains that if it's gotten to this point, there must be something going in her favour or else it would have been thrown out already. Or maybe she's found a sympathetic magistrate."

"That's what Liam says."

"And like I said I can't give credible advice without more information."

"That's okay," Maya answered, and Topanga reached over to hug her, seeing the look of defeated acceptance that took route on Maya's face. That broke her heart, and she sort of wished the girl had let her finish speaking before she had taken the seeming dismal to heart first, but she was sure she could soon fix that.

She pulled back and chucked Maya under the chin, causing her to look up at her curiously. "I said I can't give a definitive answer without all the information, not that I'm not going to help." She smiled when, a second later, Maya's eyes widened in sudden hope. "What I need you to do if give me his guardians' contact information and I'll see what I can do."

"You can?" Maya said loudly, excitedly.

"Only if they let me," she hurriedly tacked on, "but if I can help I will." After all, that was why she had gotten into law in the first place. Oh she had had her moments of disillusion over the years, most recently around the time she had ended up becoming co-owner of the bakery with Mrs. Swatski, but that had become a turning point for her, a reminder of why she had settled into law in the first place. Oh, she and her husband really were similar in many ways though to some it was not clearly obvious. They both enjoyed doing their best to make a difference in the eyes of others. The real difference was that while Cory preferred doing so on a micro-scale, much like Mr. Feeny had done, one troubled child turned teenager turned adult at a time, she much preferred to handle the more legislative side of it, working to make sweeping changes that would benefit the lives of many people rather than solely the individual. Things like this, a kid who was seemingly on the path to being failed by the justice system was right up her alley, and that did not include the fact that, according to Cory, there were a lot of similarities between the blonde before her and her friend. Sometimes she could not help but wonder what would have become of Maya had she not wandered into Riley's bay window all those years ago. That one moment had been live changing for so many of them, Maya from the start of course, but the rippling effects were being felt more and more now, and would continue to resonate into the future more than likely. It scared her a bit to think of Maya growing up without their influence, without the knowledge that she deserved love and that she should not define herself based on her father's inaction. Maya was the Shawn she and Cory had stood by from youth, and if Cory were right, Liam was Maya's version of her future father, and there was no way she was not going to give her the assistance she needed to help him.

"Thank you, thank you!" Maya said excitedly, reaching around to grab her by the middle and squeeze tight, something Topanga laughed at even as she returned the hug. "You're the best aunt ever."

That had Topanga freezing, and now it was her turn to look at the teenager with wide eyes. "What did you say?" she asked slowly, hoping her ears had not deceived her.

Maya pulled back and offered her a sheepish grin even as she tucked some stray hair behind her ear. "Well you're not my ma," she joked, "but you're so much more to me than just my best friend's mom. So...Auntie Topanga?"

"I willingly accept that," she said with a grin. "Wait till I tell Cory! He said I'd have to wait at least until the wedding.'

The competitive tone was obvious in her voice if the charigned look Maya gave her was anything to go by. "You know I just called him uncle to snap him out of it right?"

"Even better," she declared, "therefore I win because you actually mean it."

"Okay," Maya said simply, snickering, before pulling back to look over the couch. "Yo, losers," she said loudly, "last one in their outside clothes doesn't get any hot fudge sundae."

Now that definitely caught the two children's attention and in seconds there was a mad scramble as the pair hurried to get dressed.

"You're taking them out?" Topanga asked, surprised.

"Yeah," Maya said simply. "Look, Riley is on lockdown and I really don't have anything to do. So I'll take the kiddies off your hands for a bit so you can relax in peace. It's the least I can do."

"That's really sweet of you, Maya," Topanga said honestly, a bit moved by the girl's generosity. "Let me get my purse-"

"I've got it," Maya interrupted her with a smile. "I get an allowance now, remember? Between that and my leftover lunch money I can give those two a good run. Don't worry."

Topanga smiled, suddenly feeling quite proud of the teenager before her. God, Maya was a far cry from that sassy and skeptical child that she had first met and she was quite proud of the young woman she was becoming.

"Then I'll treasure every second you have them," she said softly even as Ava raced past her to latch her arms around Maya's middle with a victorious shout. "Call me if you need anything."

"I will but I won't," Maya responded with a grin, flicking at Auggie's nose when he reached her. "Later, not-my-ma."

"That's Aunt to you, young lady," she retorted.

"Later, Auntie Panga," Maya amended with a grin, before, grabbing her jacket, led the two children out the door.

* 

"Boo this season," Maya said with a sneer as she took in the ridiculous amount of hearts that seemed to multiply the more she looked around her.

"It's a day not a season," Liam corrected, "and stop acting like the Grinch. You got a man, shouldn't you be glad for a day of love?"

"For one, Valentine's is not until this Sunday and today's Tuesday, and two, I'm not really feeling the romance thing."

"Me either," Liam said although his tone was far from dismissive as hers was. Indeed, an edge of devianceness crept into it as he said, "I told Alex we could just forget about the whole wooing and dating nonsense and just get down and dirty."

"Eww. How about we agree to keep those things private? I really don't need to know if you're getting your freak on or not."

"Don't be a prude, Blondie. It doesn't suit you."

"I am not a prude," she protested, as they entered the empty art room. "I just rather not hear about your goings on. I know Alex. I like Alex. I even like you half the time, and so I don't need the visual of you and Alex together...doing stuff."

"Prude," Liam repeated, rolling his eyes even as he moved to the cupboard to start taking out materials for them to work with. "I like Shane, and I like you yet you don't hear me complaining about what the two of you get into."

"We don't get into anything."

"And that's half the problem," he replied pertly. "I keep wondering if there's something off with you, you know. Shane's hot, and you're...not so bad yourself."

"Can you never just compliment me without an insult getting thrown in?"

"I can," he answered, "but where's the fun in that?" he answered hre with a playful grin. "Anyway, don't distract me. As I was saying. You and Shane get up to absolutely nothing and it ain't right. You sure you're straight, girl?"

"Oh come on," she groaned, glaring at him. "Are you really asking me that?"

"Well it's one of the only explanations I can come up with," he said with a shrug. "If you can't even bring yourself to hold your own boy's hand when you're walking down the corridor I got to wonder if you really like him or if he's just your ticket to keeping things on the down low."

"We both know I'm straight, Liam," she said, pinning him with a firm look.

"As far as you know," he amended with a grin, before suddenly he lost all playfulness as he came to where she was sitting and dropped a few pages down in front of her alongside a pen. "I was hoping that'd be the explanation, because otherwise it'd lead me to come to a next conclusion I really rather not reach. Oh, wait," he added sarcastically, "I already got there."

"Oh god not this again," she muttered, irritated. "What is with you, huh? You never cared about what was going on between Lucas and I before. Why now?"

"Because you're lying to Shane and he deserves a hell of a lot more than that."

"I thought you were on my side."

"I'm on the no lie side," he snapped with a ferocity that caused her to actually flinch. "Do you and Shane even have plans for Valentine's day?"

"No," she answered reluctantly, not looking at him. She hadn't even thought about Valentine's Day to be honest, mostly because she had been so busy, and if Shane had, he hadn't mentioned it. But then again, he had been quite busy himself. He had gotten a part in the play, not the lead, that had gone to Dylan, but he had a prominent role nonetheless and getting ready for it was time consuming, not that that had surprised her. It was why she had been so against auditioning in the first place. What had surprised her, given the fact that he had not mentioned it, was the fact that Kira had auditioned and gotten a role as well, the role that Shane had wanted her to go after, a role that had Kira playing his love interest. Shane had eyed her curiously after he had let that little tidbit go, but if he had expected a reaction from her, he had been disappointed. She was his friend after all right? Why did she care if they had to act together? Because of the feelings she probably had or did to have for him? She still had not found out exactly what had been the outcome of their conversation back in December after Liam had revealed the fact that she liked him, and frankly, it was still as irrelevant to her now as it had been then. Shane being occupied gave her more time to focus on herself. Why would she ever complain about that?

"The play is next week anyway," she finally said. "I doubt he'll have time to do something." /p>

"I'm sure he'd make the time if you'd ask him."

"I won't pressure him."

"You just don't give a damn, do you?" Liam said, snapping once again.

"Liam?"

"You're pretending that you're being considerate, but you just don't want to do anything with him. Why don't you just admit it?"

"What is your problem?" she demanded, snapping herself. "This doesn't concern you."

"The hell it doesn't," he retorted. "I'm tired of this. All of this."

"Yeah well I'm tired to," she told him. "I'm tired of you being angry all of the goddamn time and drinking your life away, but since I know you're not going to stop that I guess neither of us are going to get what we want."

"Low blow, Hart," he declared, narrowing his eyes at her.

"Yeah well you started it," she huffed.

"Why do I even talk to you?" he grumbled, though, this time his voice lacked some of the heat from before.

"Because I'm one of the few people who puts up with you."

"Yeah well I don't know why you do," he said. "I'm as bad as they come."

"Yeah, you keep saying that but it isn't true."

"That's not a safe assumption," he said, tone suddenly dark. "I can be good and evil if I want to be."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," she said, scoffing again. "Look, we're not getting anywhere with this, so how about we just leave this alone for now and go draw?"

"Fine, but you know I'm right."

"You're not," she declared, not realising that, eventually, he would do something to prove just how wrong her statement was.

* 

"Thank you for coming Lucas," Riley said, her voice sounding slightly shaky to her own ears.

God the past week had been interesting to say the least, and awkward. She hadn't breathed a word to Maya in the limited time they had had together, mostly because she hadn't known how to repeat what she had said to her mother to her. There was also the fact that she knew how much the words that had settled heavily on her heart would change things in so many ways, and thinking about it she had not a clue how Smackle had been brave enough to end her relationship with Farkle. But, she supposed, like her friend, she knew that this was something that had to happen.

It was something she had thought about long and hard over the past few days, and no matter what angle she looked at it, no matter what consequences she knew would come from this, now that she was firmly certain that it was Farkle that she truly liked, she couldn't in good faith remain in a relationship with Lucas. It wasn't right, and while she supposed her younger self was screaming in terror all now at the thought of it. After all, how many hours had she spent here pining over Lucas only for this to happen, for her to realise, accept and acknowledge that Lucas was not the one she wanted, and wasn't someone she could make herself want. She liked Lucas, of that there was no doubt, but she didn't like him in the most important way, and that was all that mattered.

That was the reason why, the second her mother had handed her phone over with a proud smile and a teasing warning to "be good or else" it wasn't Maya that she called to celebrate, it was Lucas, who, thankfully, had been willing to give up on his homework for a few hours to come here. Which led them to where they were right now, seated together on the bay window, space enough for one person to sit between them.

"Anytime, Riley," Lucas answered, and Riley felt her lips quirk slightly. There was a time when Lucas' accent could make her heart anymore. Briefly she idly wondered if it was for the fact that it had faded somewhat with time, but no, she was pretty certain the true reason was that she just wasn't enamoured with him and every little thing to do with him anymore.

"You know," Lucas continued, "I'd thought you'd be spending the night with Maya to celebrate her freedom."

"Maybe tomorrow," she responded quietly, "tonight it's you I really want to."

"About?" Lucas asked, crossing one leg over the other as he turned more to face her.

"Us." She was looking directly in his eyes as she said the word and she saw a flicker of emotion in reaction to her word. He cleared his throat and briefly glanced away.

"I kind of wanted to talk to you about that as well," he said, looking at her once again.

"Me first," Riley said quickly and a tad too loudly. She didn't want Lucas to say something, anything that would make what she wanted to do any harder. Lucas was great, so great, and it wasn't his fault per se that this was what she wanted to do. She knew better than anyone just how wonderful a guy Lucas was. Time had just proven though that, at least to her, he didn't hold a candle to Farkle.

"Okay," Lucas said, a hint of amusement to his tone telling her that yeah, she had been a bit too robust in her outburst. "Go ahead."

Except suddenly, now that she had the freedom to say exactly what it is she wanted, she felt tongue-tied, nervous even with palms that were suddenly far too sweaty. God, she thought again, how had Smackle managed to do this? She stood up abruptly, and started to pace back and forth, well aware that Lucas' eyes trained her every movement, even if he chose not to comment on her behaviour.

"I lost the corsage," she finally blurted out, whirling on the spot to look at him.

"What?" he asked, with genuine confusion.

"The one you gave me for Homecoming," she explained, the words escaping her in a rush. "I think I lost it at the dance itself. I didn't realise until I got home. And it was such a pretty one too."

"It doesn't matter," Lucas said carefully, though his tone made it clear that he wasn't quite certain exactly why she wa bringing this up or why it was so important to her. "I can get you another one if it means so much to you?"

"No, it doesn't," she answered. "I mean it was important. It was a pretty one, but...I lost it and I didn't even notice. And when I did? It still didn't matter."

She turned away and opened a little box on her desk, pulling out a thankfully well preserved rose. "I still have this," she said, handling it carefully as she turned so that Lucas could see it.

"A rose?"

"Farkle gave it to me right before Maya's first performance. I still have it." Indeed she had found herself looking at it fondly more than once over the past few months, and often stroked it fondly.

Lucas looked from the rose to her contemplatively for a long moment before saying, "What exactly is it you want to tell me Riley?"

"That I like roses," she answered, before catching herself. "No, that's not what I meant."

Lucas laughed, a loud boisterous sound as he leant forward and rubbed at his forehead. She couldn't quite decipher what he found so funny, and indeed, there hadn't been any real amusement in that sound although it had been a laugh. Even now Lucas was glancing up at her with an expression she didn't understand. He snickered as he met her eyes before raking his hand through his head.

"Come here Riley," he bid finally, patting the spot beside him, "and bring your rose with you."

"I don't think I'm doing this right," she admitted even as she listened to him, settling the rose carefully onto her lap. "You get what I'm trying to say?"

"If I understand correctly," Lcas answered, "we're breaking up."

"Are we?" she asked, reflexively before shaking her head roughly. "Of course we are. That's why I asked you to come over. I think we should break up."

"Thank you for telling me," he joked, and despite the situation she chuckled, realising that yeah, that was a really belated thing to say.

"I'm sorry," she apologised a moment later. "I...I guess I should explain why."

"I would like to hear your reasoning," he answered, and once again there was something that was not quite mirth in his voice as he said that and that same odd expression on his face as he looked at her.

"I...I like someone else," she admitted, the words that had been weighing heavily on her mind slipping loose with remarkable ease. But then again, Lucas wasn't reacting negatively in any way. Indeed, he seemed almost supportive of her, as if he were assisting her in breaking up with him, and wasn't that such a weird thing. But then again, that had always been Lucas. From the start he had been a constant figure of strength and stability for his friends, their backbone so to speak in so many ways.

"Yes. Mr. Rose."

"Lucas," she complained, reaching over to smack his arm. He chuckled but gave her a reassuring look.

"Riley, it's okay."

"How can this be okay?" she asked. "You're my boyfriend and I want to break up with you because I like someone else. You should be...you should be angry. I should be worried about Texas Lucas coming out."

"I thought we agreed not to call it that," Lucas asked wryly, "and as for why...Riley, this isn't too much of a surprise to me that you like Farkle."

"I never said Farkle," she said quickly.

"But it is him," he said knowingly, reaching over to carefully trail a finger over the rose's stem.

"It is," she said, not able to deny it. There was no point to, the truth would have had to come out eventually anyway unless she planned on nursing her feelings silently. And why would she do that? She liked Farkle, and increasingly, it was something she wanted the world, and Farkle himself to know. Everything had to be in order first before that could be done first though, and tis was the first step to doing that.

"It's was always going to be Farkle."

"I...I don't think so," Riley said, contradicting Lucas' definitive statement. "I only realised recently."

"Realised doesn't mean that it wasn't always there," Lucas said giving her a small smile. "It makes sense. You are very much your father's daughter."

That statement had her smiling a bit, realising that, in another way, Lucas had indeed confirmed what she herself had said to her mother. Farkle was her Topanga. She had just needed the time to realise that and see who he really was in her life.

"Lucas, I'm sorry," she apologised.

"Don't," he said easily. "Riley, I'm not upset. I mean it. I know you like Farkle. I've known for a while."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked in disbelief, wondering if it had been so obvious a thing.

"Would you have believed me?"

"Probably not," she admitted with a rueful shake of her head. "Not before at least."

"Is this it then?" Riley couldn't help but ask after a silence descended upon then. "We're done now? Exes?"

"I don't think I like the idea of us being exes," Lucas said after a moment. "It sounds like we failed."

"You think we didn't?" she inquired curiously. "We didn't fail at being a couple?"

"I don't think so," he said.

"We weren't like other couples," Riley pointed out. "We stopped doing couple things."

"A while ago," Lucas tacked on, rubbing at the back of his neck. "But, we didn't fail. We...just...I don't know how to say it."

"We never really tried," Riley said. "I mean I didn't. I was just content to have things as they were. It didn't matter to me...did it matter to you?"

Lucas stared at her, as if uncertain how to reply.

"Lucas?" she pressed gently, scooting closer to him.

"I was content too," he answered gruffly.

There was something in his tone, but something told her to just leave good enough alone, and since she hadn't listened to that voice too often recently, something that had landed her in trouble, she decided to follow it's suggestion this time around.

"So if we're not exes," she said, bringing them back to the matter at hand, "what are we?"

"Can't we just be friends?" Lucas asked. "We've always been friends, and I rather us have that title than anything else. Exes means we tried and failed and I rather us not be defined by that label. I'll always be proud to say that you were my first girlfriend Riley, but I'd even be prouder if I could say that we're friends, and that will never change, because I care about you, Riley. I really do care about you. I love you."

"I love you too, Lucas," she answered sincerely, "and I will always be your friend. I would never not want to be your friend. And I'll always be proud to have you be my first boyfriend too. And I'm glad we got through this okay. I was worried you would be angry at me."

"I don't think I could ever be angry with you Riley. At least not for long," he tacked on, probably remembering the disaster that had been the first few days of high school. "And more importantly, I would and never could hurt you."

"And that's what makes you a great guy."

"That means a lot coming from you," he told her sincerely, offering her a gentle smile. "What are you going to do now?" he asked next. "Are you going to Farkle?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "Talking to you was the first thing. I still have to tell Maya and then Farkle. Or maybe that should be the other way around?"

Lucas chuckled. "Talk to Maya," he suggested. "Trust me, any guy who gets into a relationship with either of you two is going to have to learn that they won't ever be number one for the two of you."

Riley chucked at that but nodded in agreement.

"I think she's with Liam again tonight, but if you call her I'm sure she'll come over."

"Tomorrow's fine," Riley said after a moment's thought. "I think I just want to be by myself tonight."

"Is that my cue to leave?" he joked.

"Silly," Riley said with a bit of an eye-roll. "And no I'm not pushing you out. Stay. We can hang out a bit."

"Only if you feed me."

"I think I can manage that."

"It's the least you can do," Lucas joked, "after all, you've done gone and been cruel and broken up with me right before Valentine's Day just because you were too lazy to get me something."

"Lucas," she snapped, smacking his arm and glared at him, something he only grinned at in response. "Did you get me something?" she asked, giving him a pointed look. His silence was answer enough and she huffed, smacking his arm again.

She interpreted his silence right. He had not gotten her anything. But, as she would eventually learn, he certainly had for Maya.

* 

A/N: Happy New Year! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got a wonderful friend assisting me with proof-reading/editing now so those errors that have started creeping in more and more now that I don't have as much time to final-read myself will disappear so, yay! I'll be re-uploading previous chapters on a phased basis so those will slowly be surely be addressed.

Maybe it was the guilt that her conversation/fight with Liam had caused, or else, maybe the signs of love in the air was a bit more infectious than she had anticipated and something got to her reminding her that, for the first time in her life, she had an actual boyfriend in the month of February and so technically could do more than gorge herself on the chocolate that Riley inevitably bought (although why she would never just wait till the 15th when everything would be on sale was beyond her) or roll her eyes at the flowers Farkle would give to her (even though she secretly loved the fact that he did so regardless of her reaction). Whatever the reason was, although it was technically the 13th, Maya had gotten up early that morning and had sat, thinking long and hard about what she could do for Shane. And boy didn't it say something that the activity had turned out to be such a chore and had ultimately left her with no good ideas, save for one. What was the one thing Shane always complained about, whether directly or indirectly? The lack of time they spent together. Now that was something she could do, and so she did.

Which was why Maya found herself where she was now, seated in the back of the school's auditorium watching what was supposed to be one of the last dry runs of the play before the big performance. Shane didn't even know she was here, something which she was fine with, because the real surprise would come in at the end when she whisked him off for lunch and a bit of alone time before bringing him back for glee practice. It would put them on a bit of a tight schedule, but it would be workable and she knew that he would not mind. Besides, it wasn't as if they were leaving the building. Knowing that Mr. J wouldn't mind, she had put together a small spread for them in the art room, nothing too fancy, but enough that she knew that Shane would be happy.

That would show Liam.

Pulling her thoughts back to the present, Maya took note of Kira standing to the left of the stage. She started to sing, Shane joining her after the first three lines. There was something oddly familiar watching them like that, Shane slowly starting to circle her. It touched on some sort of emotion within her, one she couldn't quite put her finger on to explain. So, with a huff, she settled for the most sensible explanation for the feeling. The play was a musical, and the fact that he had wanted her to be a part of one was irksome. She was already in show choir, and according to Liam, the drama in her life was better than half the plotlines in what had quickly become her guilty pleasure to watch - Glee. The last thing she needed was to be in an actual musical. Neither Liam, nor her pride would have ever let her live that down. She had been the derisive one all of her school career thus far, had never performed in anything that wasn't mandatory, and half-heartedly at best even then. She might have changed a bit since then, but there was just some things old-Maya would never have forgiven her for, and this was definitely one of them.

She had to admit though that Kira had a decent voice, nothing outstanding or mind blowing by any means, but still... decent. She had the sort of voice that could blend in to just about anything, which meant, with Shane joining her, their brief duet was actually pretty good, though if the way they had to stare at each other all googly-eyed was anything to go by, and how he put his hand oh so gently against the small of her back before leading her off-stage was anything to go by, she could actually see why Shane had wanted her to go after that role.

Huh, interesting, she thought as they emerged to the front of the auditorium and went to claim a seats in the front row. Kira had had both of her hands wrapped around one of Shane's as they had walked, and, though she could not have reasonably seen their expressions from her vantage point, she had no doubt that there would have been that look of excitement on her face that only took route on a girl's face when they were talking to someone they liked, someone they really really liked. Well that made it clear that no matter what the conversation the two of them had had towards the end of the last year, Kira's feelings for Shane's remained, something that Shane had never mentioned to her. The way she had been clinging to him? There was no other explanation. And truthfully, there was nothing she really wanted to do about it.

Regardless, when the drama teacher called an end to the practice, Maya decided against simply sneaking out before they were aware of her presence. But, she knew that she would only get flack from Liam if he ever heard about this (and somehow she always ended up telling him these sort of things), and also she did not want to rescind on her original plans. And so, with a sigh, and wishing she had remembered to factor Kira into all of this, which meant she should have just made plans for the end of the day instead to avoid the awkwardness that was to come, she went outside and waited for Shane to exit. And, of course, the universe would decide not to be kind to her and somehow have preoccupied Kira inside so that Shane exited on his own.

Indeed, she came out before him, that tinkering laugh of hers preceding them. Biting back a sigh again, Maya straightened, plastering a smile on her face as she caught sight of Shane, ignoring Kira for now.

"Surprise," she said, injecting the right amount of cheer in her voice.

"Maya?" Shane said, his tone slightly incredulous but still happy. "What are you doing here?" he asked even as he came over to her for a quick hug, Maya deciding to do him one better by reaching up to kiss his cheek.

"Well I know you have an hour's break," she said, smiling up at him, "and I figured that actually doing something tomorrow wouldn't be that creative so I have a little picnic for us set up. That is, if you're interested?" she tacked on out of defence to Kira who was fighting against letting disdain show on her face.

"Of course I would be," he said, in that same tone and Maya found herself feeling bad. This wasn't just Shane being excited for them doing something together, he was actually surprised, if not stunned by the fact that she had made plans for the two of them to do something together. Yeah, despite her resolution to do better for Shane, she really hadn't so far. She couldn't help but remember what her mother had said. Shane deserved better, and she deserved better than trying to force moments like these, because, frankly, even though she knew that Shane was happy, him wrapping his arm around her like this did not make her happy. Watching Kira's angry eyes as she led Shane past her did not make her happy, and, while spending an hour with him turned out to be quite the pleasant experience, it was no better than a regular old session with a friend. Yeah she enjoyed spending the time with him, but she would have felt the same thing spending time with anyone else. There wasn't anything special there, at least not for her, and as she reached over to pour him some juice to drink, she finally agreed with her mom. Things needed to change. No matter what she felt, Shane deserved better than what she was doing, or rather, what she was not doing. Shane was good, perhaps too good. So far he had not breathed a word about considering a breakup. Yeah he had complained about Lucas, yeah he had made some off-comments about her friends and their supposed influence on her giving her a bad impression of how relationships should be, but, in the end, despite his frustration he had kept hanging in there, he kept pushing for change, for her to do better so that their relationship could be better. She could not see him saying enough is enough, not without something earth-shattering happening, and she knew that it was wrong to just keep dragging things out until it got to that point.

Being in a relationship with Shane was safer for her than her being single on so many levels, but to do that would be selfish and Shane, at the end of the day, was a decent person, a good person, and deserved a lot more than what she was doing to him, especially when it was clear that he wouldn't be alone. He would have his friends, and he would have Kira, a girl who was just waiting in the wings for the opportunity to do for him the things she could not. Keeping Shane chained to her was not hurting just her, and she couldn't keep holding on to him out of convenience.

She would have to bite the bullet and do the right thing... but after Valentine's Day and this upcoming week. Once Shane's schedule was clear she'd deal with the matter. At the very least, he deserved more than her adding extra stress to his life during this intense period.

* 

Yeah, this was definitely a conversation that needed to happen, Lucas acknowledged as he watched Farkle all but fidget as he sat across from him. He had not seen his friend so uncomfortable in his presence since their first few weeks of friendship, back when, ironically, he had been the taller of the two (at least he could comfort himself with the fact that he was, and probably would always be the brawny one of the two of them).

He had come here directly from Riley's. Now that had been a good afternoon, he reflected. It wasn't until that moment, when, burdens released and labels discarded, that he had realised exactly how uncomfortable things had gotten between him and Riley. It was strange. Before today he would have thought that they were fine, normal even, but now he could acknowledge that there had been a barely there tension between them, governing how they spoke and acted with each other. But with it gone? He had found himself at her house for two movies and had even helped her mother with a bit of the heavy work that needed to be done. It was just like before, the Riley-Lucas dynamic that he was familiar with, easy, teasing, and flowing conversations, easy grins and his lazy amusement at her... Riley-ness because there truly was no other way to describe it.

And that was exactly why he had left her to come to Farkle, because if clearing the air with Riley removed a tension he had not been aware of, exactly how much would his friendship with Farkle improve once the two of them had done the same? That thought had brought him here to Farkle's place. And though he had been obviously unnerved, his friend had let him in without question.

"I was at Riley's before I came here," he said, deciding to take control of the conversation for now.

He could have done the whole back and forth routine, giving Farkle the space to question his presence, deny that there was anything going on between them before he succumbed to Lucas' questioning and answered truthfully. That would have led them to that awkward moment of Farkle bracing himself for his anger, disgust, or whatever other emotion the genius would think he would react with. There wasn't the need for any of that. Lucas knew what the issue was, and even if Farkle did not yet know it, he had already solved the issue.

"You were?" Farkle answered. "I'd have thought she'd be holed up with Maya for the whole day... weekend even."

"Yeah, well, she asked me to come first," he responded, noting the way something akin to pain flickered briefly in Farkle's eyes at that. Had Farkle always worn his heart on his sleeves like this or was it just him and his new awareness of the situation making things that were probably present before, more clear? Regardless, he was better off just taking the direct approach here. "She thought that us breaking up was something that needed handling before she told Maya. Kinda hard to have a girls' only weekend of recovery with the pesky task of ending things in between."

"Yeah that makes sense," Farkle began before he paused, if only now truly registering what he had said. "What?" he gaped, eyes almost impossibly wide.

Lucas nearly snickered at that. It really was hard to render Farkle stunned like this and he enjoyed that.

"Did you just say-"

"That Riley and I broke up?" he finished, slight amusement shining through, "that's what I said."

"Is she okay?" he blurted out there, and, in that moment, Lucas knew that Riley - and Farkle - would be fine. If Farkle's first reaction to the news was not the implications behind it - that the break-up meant that he was now free to pursue Riley – then he indeed loved her, and that was what Riley needed, what she deserved. And, when it came down to it, there was no-one else he could truly see himself trusting to be with Riley, to care for her in the way she deserved to be cared for. Farkle Minkus loved Riley Matthews and Riley Matthews loved Farkle Minkus. The world would definitely be better off for it.

"Riley is fine," he reassured him, "more than fine. We're both fine."

"Really?"

He could understand his hesitation. After all, both he and Smackle had been fine after their breakup, but he wasn't naive enough not to realise and accept that no matter how good the two of them were now, there had to be at least some sort of negative emotions felt at some point in time.

"If she isn't, then you and Maya will sort her out," he said softly. "It's something that needed to happen. For both of us."

"What happened?"

"Riley and I are good friends, great friends even, but I think we've more than proven that friends is all that we're meant to be."

"But she's always liked you."

"She did," he allowed, "in seventh grade definitely, and most of eighth grade even. But after that? Now? She likes me, but as a friend. Nothing more."

"You make her happy."

"And I'll still make her happy as her friend," he answered, once again fighting not to let his amusement show. He could tell that these weren't just questions Farkle was asking to suss out if Riley was truly okay, or if their break up was justified. This was also Farkle giving voice to an argument he'd probably had with himself since whenever he'd finally realised that he liked Riley. "People grow out of crushes, and Riley grew out of hers."

"You didn't like her?" Farkle asked, and this time there was a sharp edge to his tone, a defensive one even as if he was seconds from being riled up on Riley's behalf.

"I have never not liked Riley," he said smoothly, reassuring him. "How could I not? She's Riley," he said, and, despite his sudden defensiveness, the corners of Farkle's mouth quirked briefly, because there wasn't a truer statement in the world. Not like Riley was like hating puppies and kittens and warm hugs on the coldest of days. It was just weird. "But how I like Riley has changed."

"Please don't tell me she's your sister now."

Lucas laughed loudly at that. There was no resisting it. He remembered that awful, confusing time that had ended up with him getting told off by Riley's little brother of all people. "No, Farkle," he finally said, still chuckling. "I've still only got my only brother. What I mean is that I've grown to like Riley as a friend, a very very close friend yeah, but just a friend."

"And you're sure this time?" Farkle asked suspiciously.

"Positive," he confirmed, "and given the conversation I had with it, it's the same on her end."

"Wow." One word, one syllable, but it was enough for Lucas to know that Farkle's mind was racing right about now with a million and one things, things Lucas was pretty certain he could help him figure out, but at the same time he knew that probably this was something that his buddy needed to sort out for himself, at least in the initial stages.

"How about I go raid your fridge for drinks for us while you think?" Lucas said as he got to his feet easily. "That'll probably give you enough time to figure out how best to ask me if it'd be a problem if you act on your feelings for Riley now and if it'd cause friction between us."

"Yeah," Farkle answered absentmindedly, just as Lucas expected, and he snickered, mentally counting to ten as he walked out. And just as he reached eight Farkle let out a sound that was halfway between a squeak and a yelp as he said loudly, disbelievingly, as he had now processed exactly what he had said. "What did you say?" causing Lucas' snicker to erupt into all out laughter.

God, he loved his friends.

* 

Maya wasn't doing much of anything right now, simply laying down on her floor, processing the thoughts that had come to her both before and during her date with Shane earlier on in the day. And she had a second date the next day, because, despite his hella busy schedule, Shane had put aside time for them to do something together on Valentine's Day, something that had left her with a guilty feeling coiling in her stomach. Yeah, he really needed someone who could give him 100% because right now, thinking about tomorrow brought her no joy but only a sense of dread. Spending time with Shane wasn't a bad thing necessarily, once everything was cool between them things were good, great even, and they had fun together. It was just when the romantic aspects started to crawl in that problems started. And given that tomorrow was the universal day of love, she had a fair idea of what Shane would want to happen, and the mere thought of that had her sighing and rolling over so that she could start pumping her legs idly behind her, while she dragged the nearest magazine to her over as she tried to distract herself from such thoughts with a heaping dose of commercialism. However a new, even better distraction showed up a few minutes later, much to her relief in the form of Liam struggling to get through her window.

As she watched him, she wondered what mood he was in, because she really was not sure she could take it if he was grumpy or combative right about now. Her relationship with Liam had become increasingly unstable, and while she knew the cause, she no longer knew how she could mitigate what was happening. Liam was lashing out, plain and simple, but, unlike with Riley, Maya was only capable of handling him to a certain point. After all, Liam could dish out way more than Riley could ever hope to, and, the more it happened the more fragile her defences against taking what he said and did personally. She wasn't shaking it off as easily as she could before, and Maya knew that it would only take a few more times before she herself cracked and started to lash out at Liam herself, and what the world most assuredly did not need was that happening. It had not happened yet and Maya already felt sympathy for anyone who would be caught up in that crossfire.

"Oh come on, why don't you just use the door?" she asked, shaking off her thoughts as she sat up, watching as he bumped his head getting into the room. "You know I can barely fit through there, why would you bother to try?"

"I'm taller not fatter," he replied, and though her eyes narrowed at the backhanded insult, she took pleasure in watching him wriggle his hips through before landing with a thud on the floor. Oh she could get Shawn to help her adjust the hinges so that the window could open wider, but, for all that the apartment had been spruced up, this neighbour wasn't Riley's. She was better off making entering her room as difficult as possible for people to enter.

"Sup?" he asked, as he sat up, pretending as if he had meant to land like that.

"Nothing much," she responded, her tone slightly wary because when, truthfully, had been the last time she had seen him with that particular gleam of mischief in his eye? Oh yeah, the day she'd ended up with her piercings, one of which still had a tendency to get itchy ever so often as the healing process continued. "What trouble are you trying to get me into?"

"I'm hurt, Blondie," he replied, and given the level of affront he tried to interject into his tone, Maya knew that she had hit the nail right on the head. "Here I am, after a long, torturous day of appointments and meetings and conversations with people I would rather run over with a bus, and all I wanted to do was spend some time with my bestest pal in the whole wide world, and all I get is an insult. My feelings are hurt," he finished with a long, overdrawn sniff that made her wish she had something to toss at him. "I'm going home."

Except he made absolutely no move to, which, after a moment, caused her to snort and sit up all the way. "I'll be a worthwhile human for a bit," she said, deciding that perhaps he was exactly the sort of distraction she needed. "Are you here to talk about all those garbage people and the atrocities they have done to you today? Because mom is pretty good at making the good kind of junk food for those sort of conversations."

"Nah," he said immediately, and for a second she caught a shadow of darkness in his eyes before it disappeared, "I'm not in the conversation sort of mood."

"Then what kind of mood are you in?" she asked with a hint of trepidation, because she was pretty certain she would not like where this was going.

"The kind of mood where you definitely cannot wear that," he remarked, eyes roving over the glorified pjs she wore, before he jumped to his feet and started to raid her wardrobe while she sat there and wondered if maybe, just maybe, she would have been better off if the two of them just fought instead.

* 

"My mother is going to kill me," Maya hissed about an hour later as Liam tugged her down the street.

"Your mom's like the definition of chill," he scoffed. "This will be fine. And it's not like she'll find out."

"This is the outside of fine," she argued back. "Liam, we cannot do this."

"Oh will you relax!" he snapped. "We're just going out for dinner and a movie and since Riley wants you for something uber important you're going to spend the night there."

"And when in the morning I'm home in my bed?"

"You either changed your mind about spending the night at her place or you just came back home super early in the morning because of whatever. Dang, Blondie," he added, sounding irritated, "I didn't think I would have to teach you how to be my wingman."

"Hey, me skipping out like this isn't a new thing," she answered, feeling the need to defend herself. "But this is different."

"How so?" he asked.

"We're sneaking into a club, Liam! This is more than me deciding to stay out and dance it up in a street party. This is borderline illegal!"

"The only way we're going to get caught if if you keep talking that loud," he hissed, giving her hand a tug. "Besides, it's a gay club and I've been in there loads of times."

"Do they know you're sixteen?"

"They don't care as long as I stay away from the alcohol," he answered, "and apparently since you're a paragon of virtue tonight, they won't have to worry about you either."

"Why are we doing this?" she demanded next.

"Because papa gotta get his groove on and I figured a night on the town would do you good as well."

Which probably really meant that he planned on doing something stupid tonight and was hoping that her being there would dissuade him from it. That thought had her squaring her shoulders as she prepared for whatever it was that was to come.

She had to give it to Liam, she thought, about a half an hour later as she stood in a corner, back pressed against the wall as she just observed the other patrons in the club, he had taste. It was a small club, minute even, and there were only about forty people in it, if that, and most of them were off the dance floor, seated at tables with ridiculously high bar stools that she doubted she could climb onto without looking like an idiot. Getting in, as Liam had predicted, had been quite easy much to her dismay and she had almost found herself telling the guy at the door off for being that damn dismissive about his job that he'd let a pair of obvious teenagers in. But then again, this really did not seem like a place where they'd be able to get into much, if any problems. Everyone was pretty much in their own worlds, and the few people who were by themselves seemed content to remain in that state, either bopping around on the floor solo or nursing drinks at the bar.

"I thought they wouldn't give you alcohol," she snapped as Liam returned to her side, offering her a bottle of flavoured water. She hadn't even needed to smell his breath to know he had had something to drink. Unfortunately she had seen him in this state enough now that the slight glassiness of his eyes gave it away. Dammit, how had this even happened? They hadn't been apart for that long.

"They didn't," he replied with a hint of smugness. "I brought my own."

"Liam-"

"No bitching," he snapped, even as he reached over to pop open her bottle of water. "Here, drink up and let me see if being in show choir has given any moves you can use off the stage."

Maya glared at him, but after a moment, did just that, draining half the bottle before shoving it at him. "Finish it."

"And lose my high? Nice try, Blondie," he scoffed, tossing the bottle into nearby bin. "Rule number one, discard any drink you can't finish."

"I already know that," she muttered, even as she allowed him to pull her onto the dance floor. Yeah, she might be pissed off at him, but truthfully, she did like this song and because of that she was willing to ignore the alcohol on his breath as they danced, and for now, the vibration of her phone in her back pocket.

* 

Maya didn't know how much time passed with them on the dance floor before she needed a break. Liam hadn't been ready to stop and so had waved her off. She hadn't taken offence and had willingly gone back to one of the corners of the room, hoping that the strobing lights hid the struggle as she clamoured up onto a stool, content to just watch the happenings of the room. There were a lot more people here than when they had first arrived, but then again, if the media was to be believed, most people tended to turn up at clubs closer to midnight, and she and Liam had arrived not too long after the club's opening. To be fair, glancing at some of the faces in the room she could discern in the rather poor lighting, she was pretty certain that she and Liam were not the only underaged people here. There was just something in their faces, in the way they moved, a barely there tension in their frames as they moved about which spoke of a hesitance, an uncertainty of truly belonging in this space. It was probably an aura she herself had held when she had first come in, but now she was a lot more relaxed, a lot more comfortable. No one had harassed either one of them, and the people who she suspected from the sameness of their clothing as working in the club did nothing more than glance at her assessingly, no doubt looking for any non-existent drinks she may have gotten to ensure that it truly was non-alcoholic. Yeah, she wasn't the one they needed to be worried about. After all, it was Liam who had a flask somewhere on him.

Speaking of the devil, she searched him out with her eyes, lips twitching as she caught the almost rapturous way he moved. It was strange, but Liam was a dancer. There was a fluidity to his movements that came only from practice and she stored it away for questioning at a later point though she was certain she already had her answer. He'd grown up surrounded by dancers in the form of his cousin and her boyfriend and his family. It suddenly seemed foolish of her to not have realised that they would have bamboozled him to hang out with them at some point. Liam had skill and it didn't seem all natural. Was dancing yet another thing he had had to give up come high school?

She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, pulling her away from her perusal of Liam. She took it out, sighing when she saw the ID before pocketing the phone once again even as she sent a silent apology out to Riley. There was no way in hell she could hear anything she wanted to say right now over this music, and if she messaged her instead Riley would demand to know where she was and ignorance was bliss in this sort of situation. Riley was not good enough of a side-kick to not blurt out where she was the second someone asked, and it would only take her mother or father making an idle inquiry into where she was for Riley to spill the beans. What she did not need right now was to be grounded because of Riley. If she was to get caught, at least it should be as a result of her own failure and not Riley's. She would make it up to her tomorrow, and truly she doubted it could be that important despite the lateness of the hour.

Still, ignoring Riley left her feeling guilty and so, to rid herself of that feeling, she swallowed down her lingering tiredness and, hopping back off her stool, went back to where Liam was, easily slipping in between him and the tall guy he was dancing with.

* 

Riley sighed, tossing her phone aside with a hint of irritation as Maya, once again, did not answer. What the hell were she and Liam doing? Oh she had no doubt that he was the reason her best friend was soundly ignoring her right now. Everyone else was accounted for. She frowned, trying her best not to feel insulted. Maybe Maya just didn't have access to her phone right now. They could be painting and she knew that Maya went into strict do not disturb mode whenever she was engrossed in something. Yeah, her art took precedence, so if that is what they were busy doing she could not blame her. Even if it meant that she was left without her best friend on a night like this, a night where it was just setting in that she had indeed done it, she had broken up with Lucas.

It still felt a bit surreal despite the few hours they had spent together. Acknowledging her changed feelings for Lucas and actively letting that go, just as she had her childhood teddy-bear, was not an easy thing to do. It had caused her so much anxiety in the lead up, but, strictly speaking, things had not at all degenerated into the apocalypse she had expected. It had been almost embarrassingly easy to break up with Lucas, and now, alone with her thoughts, she couldn't help but wonder if it had been too easy. Wasn't at least one party in the relationship supposed to end up feeling some level of pain? At least for some stretch of time? She certainly had not, and unless Lucas was a way better actor than she'd ever given him credit, he had been fine as well.

The lack of animosity was almost disturbing, and it was why she had wanted Maya to help her sort everything out. That was what Maya had always done, sorted out her life for her when things were topsy-turvy. And yet she wasn't here for her now. She sighed again at that thought, and climbed out of her bed, deciding to spend some of her restless energy by rearranging some of the shelves in her closet. It was a long overdue task.

She had scarcely pulled the first drawer open though when she heard a sound coming from her bedroom and an instinctive grin formed on her face. Oh why had she doubted Maya? She was coming through the bay window!

"Peaches," she all but crowed as she skipped out of her closet only to stop in wide-eyed shock. The teenager pulling a bag through the window was definitely not Maya, not unless her best friend had gone brunette and acquired glasses in the past day.

"Smackle?" she asked, her shock colouring her tone.

"I still do not have the grace to get through here without injury," Smackle remarked, rubbing at a red spot on her forehead. That, Riley realised, was the dull thud she had heard moments before. "I shall make a note to wear less skirts when I come here so that I may have equal practice to everyone else."

"That's okay," Riley answered, slightly perturbed.

"It is not," Smackle contradicted, setting a gym bag down at her feet. "I wish to be equal and everyone else can enter here without issue."

"They've had more practice."

"You have just proven my point," Smackle answered pertly, adjusting her glasses even as she looked about her. "Where is Maya? Sleepovers require a minimum of two people. Otherwise it is just a regular night."

"I'm not sure what you mean?" Riley said, dropping down onto her bed. "And Maya isn't here. Did she mention a sleepover to you?"

"I had assumed there would be one," Smackle answered, before gesturing at the bag. "I even brought snacks to share."

"Why did you think there would be one?" she asked, now thoroughly confused.

"Farkle told me that you and Lucas have ended your relationship. I assumed that Maya would be here to comfort you. I am your friend so I wanted to be part of the experience. This proves that," she finished, pulling form within her clothing the necklace Riley had given her for Christmas. "Friends help friends through break-ups so I am here to help you. But where is Maya?"

"I don't know," Riley answered honestly, even as she felt a rush of affection fill her towards Smackle. She still couldn't quite believe that she was here, but the reasoning behind it was more than enough to turn her heart to mush. Smackle liked her. Isadora Smackle liked her and boy did that make her feel quite special.

"Well I suppose that since you, like me, initiated the break-up, Maya perhaps feels that you are emotionally stable. It is feasible, though what shall I do with these snacks that I have bought?"

"Wow, you aren't thinking of leaving, are you?" Riley asked hurriedly, not allowing her emotions to distract her from what the teenager was saying.

"It is obvious that a sleepover is not required to help you with your emotional state," she answered, factually. "Therefore it is unlikely that you require my company."

Oh no, she didn't, Riley thought with a hint of chagrin as she swiftly moved from the bed to join Smackle at the bay window. She would have to rid her of a bit of her logical side. Just because she wasn't broken up didn't mean that this impromptu sleep-over had to end before it had truly begun!

"You are spending the night, Smackle," she declared with a bright smile. "You climbed through that window and that means you are mine until I choose to release you."

"I am yours?" she asked.

"Anyone who comes through that window becomes the captive of Riley Matthews until I choose to let them go and you climbed in here quite willingly," she joked.

Smackle tilted her head for a moment, obviously assessing her words before she smiled. "That proposition does not sound disturbing," she answered, "though if I am indeed to spend the night then I shall lay claim to your bed."

Riley agreed to that willingly. After all, Smackle's first sleepover had found her in Auggie's room. At least this time she was willing to actually sleep in the same room with her and that was well worth her spending the night on the bay window. It wouldn't be the first time anymore. As she led Smackle out to the main part of the apartment, just so her parents would not be startled in the morning to have a non-Maya presence, Riley decided that maybe the universe did indeed work in strange ways, indirectly giving her a chance to form a closer bond with Smackle as a result of Maya's absence. Maybe her not answering was a good thing.

* 

This definitely was not a good thing, Maya thought as she helped Liam lean against a post in the station as they waited for their train to arrive. They'd missed the last one by less than five minutes which meant they had nearly twenty five minutes to wait for the next one which, in itself, would not be such a bad thing, if not for the fact that somewhere between their third and fourth hour in the club, Liam had gone all surly, something which had ultimately led her bullying them out of the club. What had triggered the change in his mood was beyond her. She had kept a hawk-like gaze on him and had ensured that he had not had a single sip of anything that was not water since that first time he had left her. They had been laughing and dancing one minute, then, a wave of new music and a rush of the crowd had separated them. She had relaxed and just gone with it, not at all disturbed when she'd ended up in the arms of what looked to be a college-aged girl. It had been a different experience, but not necessarily a bad one and she'd let go and enjoyed herself quite a bit. Eventually, while spinning with her she'd caught sight of Liam and had almost wolf-whistled when she saw just how cozy he had been with a decent looking guy on the floor. The guy had nothing on Alex of course, but still, he was worth a second glance. How that dance had translated to Liam eventually coming over with a scowl was beyond her, but now, with time to kill, she figured it was just about the time to ask.

His response stunned her.

"I can't turn off the gay even if I try."

"What?" she all but sputtered. That had been the last thing she'd expected out of him.

"I still ended up with a guy," he grumbled, thudding his fist against the wall. "I liked being with that guy. I didn't want to stop dancing with him."

"Hey, dancing ain't cheating if that's what you're worried about," she responded. "Unless something else happened that I didn't see?"

"Nothing happened," he scoffed, "but the thoughts were there."

"And that's a problem?" she inquired carefully. Hell they'd gone to a gay club. It would have been more ridiculous if neither of them had ended up with a same-sexed partner at some point that evening. Why did Liam seem as if he were bothered by it now?

"Do you know how much easier things would be if I was straight?"

And then it clicked to Maya, the link between his current mood and his meeting with his mother during the day. If Liam had been straight he would not have experienced a lot of the trauma he'd gone through. He would not have dealt with bullies this year and the last. He would not have had to move in with his uncle and aunt. He would not have had the scar on his arm. He would have had a mother who loved him unconditionally and would not have resorted to violence.

"The social worker left us be for a lot of today," he said, as if reading her thoughts. He stood a bit straighter against the post and surprised her by reaching out to finger a lock of her hair as he spoke, whirling it around his fingers. That was new. Liam was not one for open affection and would usually faster tug at her hair or braid than handle it gently as he was doing now. She just put it down to the strangeness of this all and let it be, stepping a tad closer to him to lessen the slight strain against her scalp. "She basically said it. That all of this is my fault because of the gay. We would be a happy family if only I could be normal. Why couldn't I just accept that I held a removable perversion, a curable one and that I'd be happy once I was rid of it, rid of Alex. I could be happy with a girl, and everything would be right."

"But that's not who you are," she pointed out.

"It'd be easier if I was at least bi like Alex," he said, as if she had not said anything. "He could pass. It's easier for him. If it wasn't for me he could just be with a girl and no-one would be the wiser. Why can't I do that?"

"Because your sexuality isn't his?"

"I could pretend though. Pretend to be normal."

"Why would you pretend for her?" she demanded, confusion mixing with anger. Liam hated his mother. He was angry with her. She had done irrevocable damage to him. Why the hell did he want to do something to please her? Why did he give a damn?

"I wonder if I could do it?" he asked, almost idly. "If I ended up with her and pretended to be straight maybe I would be okay."

"Hey," she snapped, glaring up at him. "You deserve better than living a lie, especially for her sake."

"It wouldn't be forever," he mused, "what's three years?"

"You cannot be giving up," she said, smacking his chest with her hand to get him to look down at her. "What the hell happened today? Why would you think she has a chance?"

"Doesn't matter," he muttered. "Three years isn't too bad of a time."

"It's a lifetime," she contradicted.

"You've been pretending to like Shane for months now? I could pretend to be straight."

"Those two things are in no way equivalent," she said tersely.

"Doesn't matter. Pretending isn't that hard. I mean, girls can't be one hundred percent bad, right? I mean you guys got all those squishy bits but inherently there isn't too much a difference. I could do it."

"You can't just convince yourself that you're straight," she said.

"Don't have to convince myself," he said, his tone lowering, taking on a different quality as he looked at her. "I just have to pretend for a bit. It can't be that hard."

As he said that, his hand went from twirling her hair to releasing it and moving up and through it, his fingers raking gently around her scalp, the other hand moving to do the same until they were both buried in her hair. Maya froze at the gesture, not out of fright, but just at the suddenness of it even as a light shudder went through her at the gesture. Yeah, head rubs were her kryptonite; didn't matter who did it, she would turn to goo.

"I like you," he said, in that same odd tone, "and you're a girl. It can't be too much of a stretch right?"

Maya didn't answer. She didn't know how to answer, and suddenly she was keenly aware of the position they were in. To thump on his chest she had had to move closer to him, and while they had been in even closer positions before - hell she had been all over him during wrestling matches - there was a difference now, a difference that she could not deny. It was in Liam's clouded eyes. Oh it wasn't alcohol because she knew that he had long since established that. There were a swirl of emotions there in her gaze, too many that coalesced to just make his eyes almost dazed. She stood still, but she wasn't afraid, wasn't concerned as those eyes started to flick around, taking in her features, as if he were assessing her, no, assessing her femininity.

She knew what was about to happen even before Liam moved, and she knew she could have stopped it, knew that all she would have to do was push her hand against his chest with the gentlest of pressures and he would relent, desist from this. But she didn't, and not only because she knew that this was something that Liam needed. She had to admit that she herself was a bit curious, curious to see if all physical affection was the same or if she would react to a display of affection from Liam in the same way she reacted to a touch from Shane, or Lucas.

And so, when Liam's head tilted down and his lips lowered towards hers she tilted her head up to grant him better access, her lips parting slightly as her eyes drifted close. Their lips met, tentative at first before growing curious as they started exploring the feeling that was evoked.

And here it was that Shane had thought it was Lucas that he had to be worried about.


	54. Chapter 54

Neither of them spoke. Not after they finally pulled away from each other, not when it became apparent that they'd missed their train, not during the wait for the next one, not during the walk back to her apartment. It was only when they had reached the head of the street to her building that Maya knew that she had to stop them now, and talk to him about what had happened, before he had the time to disappear back to his own home, and with that closing off the opportunity to ask the questions that needed to be asked without him resorting to diversionary tactics.

"I think we both just cheated," she said, bringing them to a stop under the eaves of one of the now closed shops. It was late, or very early, depending on how one chose to look at it, and, while there were people still about (this was New York after all), most of the stores were closed, and she took advantage of that, bringing them far enough up under it so that they would be out of the way of any potential passers-by. She wanted no distractions from this conversation.

"Well, technically I cheated," Liam corrected, his tone gruff. He didn't quite meet her eyes, but that was fine because she herself couldn't quite meet his gaze either. "I made the first move."

"I made the second," she countered, because, after Liam had tried to pull back, she had tiptoed and brought his face back down for another, confirmatory kiss.

"That you did," he said after a moment, a smirk briefly flitting across his face, "a pair of harlots we are."

"Liam," she said mildly.

"I'll sew the A on your chest if you do it on mine."

"Be serious," she snapped, though without heat, even as she crossed her arms. "This is serious."

"It's only as serious as we make it," Liam said dismissively. "Unless that totally was the best kiss you've ever had, in which case I'm sorry to break it to you Blondie, but if it proved anything to me, I'm definitely gay. Not that there was anything wrong with your technique, but it just didn't do much for me."

"You've always known you were gay," she snapped once gain, and this time there was actual heat in her tone as she succumbed to a sudden sense of frustration. "Why the hell did you kiss me?"

"I don't know," he grated out, his tone more exasperated than anything. "It wasn't like I planned it or something. I was just so angry about my mom and you were there and, you know, I just thought, for a moment."

"You weren't thinking or else you wouldn't have kissed me."

"Hey don't put this all on me," he returned, his voice rising to match hers. "The first kiss was on me, but the second was you. You can't deny that."

And yeah, she couldn't, something that caused her to huff and turn away from him briefly because, yeah, he had a point there. "We both have boyfriends," she finally said, her tone slightly defeated. "What are we going to do?"

"Not say a damn thing is a damn good option," he said easily, scratching at his arm where his scar was, "especially for you and Shane. Alex will just tap me over the head and tell me off for taking advantage of you if I tell him."

"Take advantage of me?" she repeated, frowning.

"You're not that naive," he said, with a hint of exasperation in his tone. "If it were any other guy besides me you would have slapped me away."

She thought about it it for a moment, substituting Liam for one of the random guys in her classes and found that she could agree with that sentiment. The realisation rubbed her the wrong way and she took a small step back from him. "You kissed me knowing that I'd let you?"

"A part of me did," he allowed with a shrug, "otherwise I would have tried it with someone else. God knows there were enough people in that club that I could have found one."

"I don't think I like that you did that," she admitted, her frown deepening as she fully considered his words. It didn't sit right with her, and it took her back to the couple of conversations she had had with her mom on the issue of safety, especially in light of her being a girl, and, beyond that, from listening in on conversations from the women she'd met on her street explorations, and even from Topanga. "Don't do it again," she said firmly, and, to Liam's credit, his expression was serious as he nodded.

"I won't."

She held herself stiffly for one more moment, before sighing and moving so she was leaning against the door beside him. Yeah, what he he had done still bothered her slightly, but there was still one more important thing to deal with, how they would move forward from here.

"You going to tell Alex?" she asked eventually.

"Eventually," he admitted. "I know how he'll react though so it's not a big deal. It'd blow over."

"I don't know how Shane would react," she said softly. "I knew how he would if it were Lucas."

"He'd lose his mind," Liam said with false cheerfulness. "He may just brush it off since it's me though. Hell, how about we just make out in front of him on Monday? He'll roll his eyes and yell at me about jokes gone too far and that'll be the end of it."

"Yeah, no," she deadpanned. "I'm not going to do that."

"Well then just don't say anything," he offered. "What different is it going to make telling him? There's nothing between us and it isn't going to happen again. Just let it go."

Maya thought it over, and decided that perhaps Liam did have a point there. There were some things better left unsaid and this was one of them. It was too bad that that decision would come back to haunt her the very next day.

* 

Riley stepped out of the station at her stop, not really paying too much attention to those around her because, being a Sunday, the station was fairly empty, especially for this time of day. Smackle's parents had offered to come pick her up that morning, but she had soundly refused, saying that she was more than capable of getting to the station and then to her home safely on her own. And, as much as her parents had seemed reassured by that, the thought of Smackle on her own out there had more than unnerved her, and so Riley had scrambled up and into clothes to play escort her, while wondering if Maya always felt as protective of her once they were out and about together. Nevertheless the journey had been non-eventual and Riley felt a smile forming as she remembered the way Smackle had initiated, and then squeezed her tightly, in a hug. Wow, she had come such a long way and she actually wanted to see how much further it would develop in the future.

"Over here, Riley."

She paused, confused, even as her heart fluttered slightly as she recognized Farkle's voice. She turned in the direction of it, and saw him standing beside a table in the little cafeteria the subway had. He didn't even seem surprised to see her, and, as she walked towards him, she smiled as she saw two smoothies on the table, a straw in one and a spoon in the other. Yeah, that thick smoothie was definitely for her.

"What is this?" she asked as she reached him, not bothering to stifle the urge to reach out and hug him quickly, smiling when she felt his arms return the gesture.

"This is Isadora," he answered, almost ruefully, moving to hold the chair out for her to sit down. "She called me and said that you would be back here and I should meet you. I got here a bit early so I decided to go ahead and get us these. Apparently we need to talk."

Riley shook her head, wondering when Smackle had developed a conspiratorial nature, but she couldn't hold it against her. "Did she mention about what?" she asked, even as she took a spoonful of her smoothie, smiling at the thickness of it. Yup, perfect.

"She didn't need to," he answered, leaning forward with his hands folded on the table in front of him. "Lucas and I spoke yesterday. I know that the two of you ended things. I would have come over, but I figured that Maya was holding down the fort."

"Maya still doesn't know," Riley responded, a hint of annoyance bleeding into her tone in a manner that had Farkle's eyes widening.

"Wait, you two aren't fighting right?" he asked quickly. "Because Lucas made it seem that everything was fine."

"Err... what?" she asked, not really understanding what he was asking. "No. Maya and I aren't fighting? Why would we be fighting?"

"I just thought," Farkle began lamely, before he shook his head, "never mind Riley. Why doesn't Maya know? When Isadora told me that she slept over with you I'd assumed it was a girls' night sort of thing."

"It was," she answered pertly, "a girls' night of two people, Smackle and I. Maya never answered any of my calls or messages yesterday."

"Maybe she was busy?" he offered, tentatively, and Riley huffed in response.

"I don't know why my best friend still hasn't spoken to me after what was, perhaps, one of the most monumental, defining moments of my life, my first break-up. I'd like to hope she's in a ditch somewhere because that would make it almost acceptable, but then that would be mean of me because I would be wishing a dire situation on my friend."

Looking at Farkle she realised that he was clearly torn between being genuinely concerned and laughing. She didn't need his reaction to know that she was being just the slightest bit ridiculous, and truthfully, while she was annoyed by Maya's continued lack of communication, she also knew that there had to be a good reason for it. It didn't mean though that she had to like the situation and wouldn't make Maya suffer for it for a while. She was shirking off on her best friend duties after all and that couldn't go unaddressed.

"Um…" she said, moving the conversation, "you said Lucas spoke to you?"

"Yeah. He wanted to tell me in person that everything was over between you and him, that the two of you decided to just be friends."

"We did," she confirmed with a fond smile, before it faded as something occurred to her. "Wait, why did Lucas tell you?" she asked, even as she felt an uncomfortable squirming in her stomach. Lucas had easily guessed that her decision had been somewhat based on the teenager sitting across from her right now, but he really wasn't one to meddle, especially if it was not something that concerned Maya and so she hoped that he hadn't, because truthfully, while she knew how she felt, she wasn't sure if she was ready to express those feelings, and to hopefully build upon them. Farkle was her Topanga, yeah, but it was still a realisation she was getting accustomed to, accepting and pondering what her feelings could mean and the implications of them. Yes, she she ended her relationship with Lucas, but it didn't mean she was ready to admit how she felt to Farkle because to admit that was to push open the door to a new chapter of her life that... yeah, she wasn't ready for that step just yet.

"Lucas didn't tell me much of anything," Farkle answered, and she almost collapsed in relief at that, feeling as if a ton of weight had been immediately lifted off her shoulders. "He did... imply many things though."

"Imply?" she parroted, paling slightly. She would have squirmed, but, strangely enough, in that moment, Farkle seemed to be just as uncomfortable as her, his face heating up with as much brilliance as hers had paled. Now that the blinders were off, it was plain to see what was happening. It was easy to discern the meaning behind those heartfelt eyes he occasionally shot her, eyes that she herself mirrored she suspected. She also had the inkling that that was exactly why the both of them were here like this right now. Why else would Smackle conspire with Zay to have her here (because she knew that this was not something the teenager would have been able to come up with without prodding)? Why else would Lucas have gone to Farkle to tell him that she was now free if not to, backhandedly, give her blessing for things between them to go forward? Why else would Farkle have that same swirling mass of emotions in his eyes that she knew was in hers? And why else was her free hand, almost without her realising, reaching out to him, only for his fingers, so much more slender and softer than Lucas' but still so delightful to feel, to meet hers halfway?

Yeah, the answers to all of her questions were right there, just waiting to be verbalised though she did not feel the need to, nor did Farkle. She did settle for lacing her fingers firmly with his, chuckling nervously deep in her throat when that connection seemed to spark something between her, the two of them holding on until the angle became uncomfortable, and even then they released hands only long enough for him to move his chair until it was besides her, and then the hand holding began again.

This was definitely a sensation she could get used to, a sensation that felt so right, so comforting, it almost equated with how she felt whenever she stepped into her home at the end of a particularly difficult day. It was almost bliss, and contentedly, she eventually laid her head on his shoulder to savour the moment even more.

How was she to know that, at that moment, Maya was dealing with the complete opposite to the bliss she was now feeling, a situation she herself had unknowingly put her best friend in by updating her status online minutes before stepping off the subway. But, then again, who would have thought that her and Lucas 'officially' ending things online would trigger one of the biggest arguments Maya would ever find herself in?

* 

Maya was restless, very restless, but was doing her best to hide it as she strove her best to listen to whatever witty ditty Shane was relating to her that had happened during rehearsals after she had left him the previous day. It wasn't hard to feign interest. Shane was the kind of person who just got so engrossed in whatever he was saying that he would willingly and easily go on and on for minutes on end without the need for overt commentary on someone else's part. And so, while she half-listened to be able to give a suitable response once he was done speaking, she was just about content to let her mind drift back to the previous night, her first in a club, a night that had her, towards the end of the night, allowing Liam to kiss her, and, once he had pulled away, grasping and tugging him back down for a next one, because she just needed a bit more to confirm her theory.

And she had gotten her answer. Kissing Liam was different than kissing Shane. Both experiences were nice, good even, but ultimately forgettable in comparison to just about any experience she had had with Lucas. It certainly did not hold a flame to what had passed between the two of them back in Texas at that campfire…

"Did Kira recover?" she found herself asking.

"Yeah, but she doesn't recover from mishaps as well as you," he said, with a look of fond remembrance that took her back to her first performance. At the time that moment had rivalled what she had shared with Lucas. She could firmly recall having her breath taken away on that stage, and, if Shane had indeed gone ahead with his intent to kiss her, she knew that she would have let him, hell, she might have met him halfway to just revel in that feeling. But that was then, and this was now. That moment had been amazing, but she no longer had that headspace, she no longer was that lost, confused person, and with the clarity that time had since brought her, she knew that a lot of what she had felt for Shane was based in her not wanting to be lonely, her embracing and loving the fact that someone liked her, solely her, and that she never had to worry for his affections. And that had remained the case for the past months. It was sad though, but it was something that she no longer wanted. Shane was a good person. He just wasn't the brand of good she truly wanted.

She wondered if he planned to move further than kissing or even light making out today. It was Valentine's after all, but, more than that, he had done quite a good job of making this little nook of his aunt's dance studio into something quite romantic. Of course she could have thought of a million and one ways to improve the hearts and stars he had stuck around the wall and the cut out petals he had crafted by himself, but still, the effort was to be applauded. It wasn't her fault that even more of her time was being eaten up with assisting the events committee (something she and Mr. J would definitely come to words over because this certainly was not turning out to be a simple go and report to the club sort of deal), but, as a result of it, she was beginning to gain a keener eye for decorating. Who would have thought that true art could be found in such things?

Regardless, she wasn't sure what she would do when - and she knew it was inevitable - Shane attempted to be a bit more intimate. Sure she could go along with it, but she knew it would become quite obvious pretty quickly that she wasn't quite into it beyond the, hmm, yeah, this feels okay, sort of vibes. And that would lead to a discussion she really did not want to have right about now.

Perhaps it was the universe smiling upon her, because just about when Shane seemed to have exhausted all of his stories, and she was out of cheese, crackers, and pretzels to nibble on, his phone rang.

"Kira," he said immediately, picking up his phone which had been beside him on the ground.

She arched a brow slightly. He had a custom ringtone for her apparently. He glanced between her and the phone, and after a second, she just waved her hand at him. "I don't mind."

"I'm sorry," he apologised. "This could be important."

"Go ahead," she said, repeating her earlier invitation. She, unlike him, didn't kick a fuss whenever Kira, or any of his friends really, interrupted the time they spent together, but then again, as she had come to accept, she didn't covet the time spent together, just the two of them, like he did. To his credit, he was polite enough to step outside of the room completely to have the conversation, although whether that was in deference to her or to Kira she was not sure, recalling how they had appeared on stage together the previous day. Maybe, in the end, that would turn out to be a good thing. The transition, in theory, could go a little more smoother if there was someone waiting in the wings to take her place. She was more than certain his friends would help pull the strings to make that situation a reality the moment she stepped out of Shane's limelight.

The thoughts of that would continue to flit idly through her mind in the few minutes it took Shane to re-enter the room, his presence startling her given the way the door all but slammed shut behind him. She shot him a confused look, taking in his darkened appearance.

"Is something wrong with Kira?" she asked, because he had been in quite the cheery mood before that call had come in.

"Kira's fine," he answered, and she sat up straighter at the almost terse edge to his tone.

"Okay then?" she said, letting disbelief colour her tone even as she set back down the bite of cheese she had been about to nibble on. "You wanna tell me the truth this time?"

He laughed, a sarcastic sound that had her eyebrows raising once again. "Okay, what the hell is going on?" she demanded. She had never been one for patience, and Shane's little mystical show was doing nothing to endear that virtue in her.

"You wanna tell me where you were last night?"

If it were possible for her eyebrows to lift further, they would have. As is, she only shot him a puzzled look, "Why does it matter?"

"Just answer the fricking question, Maya. Where were you last night?"

Wait, had he just sworn? And at her on top of that? She rose to her feet.

"Something happened?"

"Where were you yesterday?" he asked, and she sat up straighter, confused.

"Why does it matter?" she returned, swallowing thickly around the block of cheese even as she rose gracefully from the floor.

"Just tell me."

"Tone, dude," she snapped, her eyes narrowing. No matter what the hell had just happened between him and Kira, she wasn't going to put up with that attitude.

"Tell me."

"I was with Liam," she answered, allowing her annoyance to plainly show in her voice. "Now what the hell are you on about."

"Wanna try that again with the truth?" he said, and suddenly she wondered what exactly the two of them had talked about before reason set in and she knew that she was being stupid. Liam would never tell of what had happened the night before, not so soon and not without it being in jest. Beyond that, Liam still despised Kira. There was no way he would have said anything at all to Kira. Why would he? That thought relaxed her, but something must have shown on her face because now it was Shane's eyes that were narrowing.

"You were with Friar, weren't you?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" she snapped, finally and utterly fed up. She wasn't going to play whatever this game was, not when she had the weaker hand to play with, and especially not when she had no idea of what was going on or why Shane was looking at her like this.

"You're lying!" he flat out yelled, startling her and forcing her back away from him. "Liam spent the night at Alex's."

Well look at that, she couldn't help but think, briefly allowing herself to be amused at that before the gravity of the situation settled down upon her once again. Liam's lies was now backfiring upon her. How the hell was she supposed to get out of it without letting out what she and Liam had been really up to? And was it really something she needed to hide?

Apparently, though fleeting her thoughts, she had taken too long to respond, or else Shane's sudden temper had rendered him so impatient that, in what appeared to be a split-second to her, he had started off on her again.

"Where the hell were you?"

"Why the hell does it matter?" she all but screamed, completely and entirely fed up of him. "I don't have to tell you a damn thing if I don't want to!"

"I'm your boyfriend!"

"Not my keeper," she snapped, her temper spiking, caused by a combination of her annoyance at his attitude, her confusion as to what was happening, and a strange feeling of deja vu because hadn't they ended up in a similar situation the last time they had been alone in here together?

Shane though, seemed completely unrepentant and unmoved by her temper. "I asked you a simple question."

"And I gave you a simple answer," she ground out. "I was with Liam."

"That isn't possible."

"Look, I don't care about whatever lies Liam told Alex or his guardians," she snapped, not even caring that she was potentially throwing him (and by extension herself) under a bus, "he and I were together last night. We were together for most of the night. I don't know or frankly care where he went after he dropped me off at my place, but he was who I was with last night. Him. William Graham, not Lucas, not anyone else. Now will you tell me what the hell is going on because otherwise I'm out of here and you can eat the rest of this yourself or better yet shove it right up besides that stick in your butt and see if that won't help you function a bit better."

Her tirade gave him pause, whether it be the fact that she had basically spoken over anything he could have hoped to say, or else he needed a breather to actually decipher the meaning behind her words. Whatever it was, he stood there for a moment, a plethora of emotions crossing his face. She didn't wait for him to reach any conclusions though. She was more than a little tired of this, and was frankly, very sleep deprived still from the previous night. She had hoped that today would be a lazy Sunday afternoon, but it was turning out to be far from that and she just didn't want to deal with it, didn't have to deal with it actually, she reminded herself as she stalked forward, meaning to stomp angrily past him out of the room. She had just about done that, her body nearly brushing his as she passed when a cry of startled pain escaped her lips as Shane grabbed onto her arm, his gesture with her speed causing her upper arm to give a painful, searing jolt that instantly brought tears to her eyes.

He released her immediately, his rage turned suddenly into frightened panic, but she scarcely saw that through her tears as she clutched at her arm, the none too distant memory of when she had last felt this barely receding pain rushing through her brain.

Shane was trying to say something, what she had no clue, because suddenly there were more voices in the room, Dylan and Emily's, and it was only now that she recalled that the two of them had claimed the other room for their own romantic shindig, something their shouting had probably interrupted. There was Dylan's voice, yelling at Shane, but it was Emily who came to her, concern in her voice as she made to touch her, though Maya flinched away, and with a watery sniffle, warbled out that she just wanted to leave and bypassed her.

Emily protested, and perhaps she followed her out. But Maya didn't care. All that mattered to her was getting far away from the dance studio, from Shane and to somewhere safe where she could just sit and let herself be until the throbbing in her shoulder subsided.

* 

Maya wiped away moisture from her face for the umpteenth time as she continued staring aimlessly forward, not taking stock of much around her. She had only let a few tears slip loose, pain generated, but none since. She would not give in to that, and so she sat there and just waited, for God alone knew what. A part of her had just wanted to walk and walk until she couldn't walk anymore, but she was also tired, oh so tired, and so, on passing a store that happened to be closed despite the time of day, she had plopped down upon it, trusting in the self-centredness of New Yorkers. It had been a good gamble. No one thus far had given her a second glance, and, even if someone had, none had tried to talk to her, something she was grateful for. She didn't want to talk, she didn't want to think. She just wanted to sit there and just be. That was a side of Shane she had never seen before, and never wanted to see again. She wondered if even a fragment of what she was feeling now mirrored what Riley had felt the day Zay had shown up, the day her image of a perfect Lucas had been shattered. She had been fine. From the first time she had looked into Lucas' eyes she had seen something in there that had her dismissing the goody-goody two shoes routine he had been playing. Yeah, Lucas was good, but he definitely wasn't a saint, and, while he had been critical of some of her worst bouts of behaviour, there had always been a hint of curious humor in his eyes, almost as if there was a part of him that could have seen himself joining in with her if he would allow himself to do so.

But Shane? That she had not expected in the least. And she still didn't know what had happened, why Shane would think that she had been with Lucas. It made no sense, none of this made sense, and she couldn't be bothered to try and sort it out. That was tonight's problem, or even tomorrow's. Right now she was just trying to figure out how she would explain her newly-bummed shoulder because it was definitely feeling like this was not a thing that a good night's sleep would fix. And even when she found that excuse she would need to get further energy to get herself home.

That inspiration, at least, came a few minutes later, as her phone started to ring. She didn't look at it. Indeed, without really thinking about it, she fished it out without really realising and put it to her ear. It was an automatic move, done without her mind really registering it, so hard was she trying to not dwell on what had happened. She didn't even say anything, just had the phone pressed a bit too hard against the shell of her ear. And so, she jumped slightly when, finally, and with a mildly quizzical tone, she heard Lucas' lightly accented voice. "Hello? Maya?"

"H-hey, yeah," she said, once she had recovered from the shock, not realising that her tone had a shaky quality to it. "I'm here."

"Are you okay?" he asked immediately, his tone moving quickly to concern. "You sound weird."

"I'm fine. Peachy even." A blatant lie. Even to her own ears her voice sounded listless. At the very least she hoped that there was no pain obvious there.

"I don't believe you," he said evenly. "What has you upset?"

"Nothing."

"I know you're lying to me," he said mildly.

"Tough," she snapped, before sighing and running a hand through her hair. Yeah, Lucas had done nothing to deserve her temper, unlike Shane, and, more than that, she truly didn't have it in her to go through a next fight, not today, perhaps not for a long time. "Sorry, Huckleberry," she told him softly. "I just... let's just say Valentine's Day is just going to hell in a hand basket." And wasn't that an understatement?

"I'm sorry," he responded, and she closed her eyes briefly. Dammit, that lower tone of his, the one that showed he was sincere in whatever he was expressing was starting to get to her. How could a tone, a shift in the quality of his voice, envelope her in a blanket of safety and well-being that even now was starting to relax her, impossible though it seemed to be.

"It's nothing," she said again, striving, and failing, to sound dismissive. She didn't want to talk about it, not right now at least. "I think it's all over anyway."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

"Maya."

"I'll tell you later," she hedged, hoping that he would cede to the pure helplessness in her voice. His silence was proof enough of that, and relieved, she asked, "Were you calling for anything in particular or just boredom?"

"No. I actually have something waiting for you at home. I didn't know you had plans for today and I didn't think to check. How far away are you?"

"You have something for me?" she asked, confusion, mixed with curiosity, pushing aside some of her ill feelings from before.

"Yeah, it's not too time sensitive but I don't want it outside for too long."

"What is it?" she asked, brows furrowing.

"Just a present for you. A long overdue one actually."

"Your vagueness is annoying."

He laughed at that, a warm, rich tone that further soothed her, and briefly she closed her eyes and just basked in it. It was with great regret that she opened her eyes, and, motivation found, struggled to her feet, one hand moving automatically to rub gingerly at the other. It was hard to, but, with the sound of Lucas' breath on the line, she found the strength to move forward, one step at a time, putting more distance between her and Shane.

"You're heading home now?"

"Yeah," she answered, crossing the street once the light changed colours. "I should be there in 30 or so minutes."

"Good. Well, it'll be there wrapped in green and red."

"What is it?"

"Enjoy your present, Maya," Lucas said in lieu of an actual response, his voice gentle before he hung up on her. She huffed, and she was tempted to call him back, not particularly to give him a piece of her mind, but just for continued company, but she decided against it. Any longer and he would start to probe at her, and she would not be able to withstand that for too long. Besides, her melancholy had faded with the rise of her curiosity. What had he gotten her?

Exactly 37 minutes later, she would find out, as she stood at the start of the corridor to her apartment with her jaw slackened at what she was seeing, seated on the floor just outside the apartment door.

What was it that Lucas had said? It was green and red, her package? Well, that part, at least, was true. It was definitely green and red. But it wasn't a package, not by any stretch of the imagination. The green and red thing was a jacket, a jacket being sported by someone. A jacket being sported by Josh Matthews.

That was Lucas' present to her.

Josh.


	55. Chapter 55

"What the hell was that?" Dylan demanded, giving his brother a rough shake as his eyes bore down into his brother's own. There was a combination of rage and confusion there, as if he couldn't quite understand why his tirade had been interrupted. "Answer me," Dylan answered, feeling his own temper slipping. He couldn't believe the scene he had walked into, had barely believed his ears when, from the next room, he had heard his little brother's angry yelling at Maya. He truly didn't give a damn about whatever their argument had been. What was not acceptable was the fact that his brother had apparently lost his grip on reality. That was the only explanation for why he would even begin to think that he could speak to anyone in that manner, far less a girl, and especially far less the one who was supposed to be his girlfriend. Oh, he knew that there were things that Shane hadn't been sharing with him, conversations he preferred to have with their older brother Brian. But the joke was on him. Brian had, after the second or so conversation, called him and pointedly asked about exactly what the hell was going on, and that, as much as he loved his little brother, why has he turned to him and not the brother who, you know, actually knew the girl personally and could better gauge the situation? But he had never called him out on it, content to let things play out because, as far as he and Brian could both tell, Shane had worried about his ability to be objective on the matter, and perhaps he wasn't much off there.

Dylan absolutely adored Maya, and not just because he was his brother's love interest. There was something just absolutely remarkable about Maya Hart. There was a worldly wisdom in her eyes that he knew had to have come from a hard life, and yet, for all that stubborn courage and strength, there was also a strange vulnerability to her that had him quickening his steps over here, because, although Maya had been giving as good as she got from what he had been hearing, there had been real panic and fear in her tone and that was the reason he was shaking his brother just a little harder right now. The Maya he had come to know, the one who Emily mentored almost every glee practice because, whether she consciously realised it or not, Maya definitely was solo-female lead quality, with one more year of grooming under her belt, and that wonderful new administrative decision that meant you didn't have to be a senior to take a leadership role, Maya could easily take on the duties that Emily currently did. After all, she was his unofficial co-leader. She would have to wait until the end of this semester to get that jacket to have the official status, but Mrs. Glenford, their choir-mistress, had deliberately not named a female co-leader when he'd been nominated. That job had been Emily's with or without official recognition, and no one had ever questioned it. And if Shane didn't mess it all up and chase Maya from the group with his behaviour, Emily's duties would fall unto Maya, much like Dylan hoped that his would eventually pass on to Shane.

Lost in his brief ruminations, it took Dylan a moment to actually realise his brother was saying something beyond his blustering angry defence, and so he focused in on him, foregoing thoughts of the future for now. "She lied to me!"

"I don't care if she kneed you in the balls and laughed about it," he snapped. "You do not know that."

"She was with him!"

"Who the hell is him?" Dylan asked, honestly confused.

"Friar!"

"Her friend from Texas?" Dylan asked. "Homecoming Prince?"

"Don't remind me," Shane huffed, yanking himself out of his grasp. "She lied to me. She was him yesterday."

"Did she say that?" It wasn't him who asked, but Emily, her voice terse. Dylan turned, surprised because he had seen her follow after Maya. "She just wanted to be away from here," Emily answered, as if hearing his unasked question. "She's a strong girl. She can handle herself," she reassured him, her eyes softening slightly before she turned towards Shane, her brown eyes piercing into his. "She was with Liam last night. I don't know what they got up to but I called him around midnight and he was with her."

"Then he lied to cover for her," Shane insisted stubbornly. "Liam slept over with Alex."

"You calling my cousin a liar?" she asked defensively, and Dylan reached out to tap Shane over the head. Yeah, what he was not about to do was upset both Maya and Emily. He would end him before he let that happen.

"I'm just saying that Liam adores Maya," Shane said, wisely backtracking, "and it wouldn't take much for him to act as a decoy for him."

"Okay, we're going around in circles," Dylan said. "Why do you even think she was with him?"

"Hang on Dylan," Emily said, coming over to stand behind him. "I have an even better question for him. What the hell were you thinking hurting Maya like that?"

"I didn't hurt her!" he insisted panicked. "I just grabbed her so she couldn't walk away."

"You hurt her," Emily insisted. "She was favouring her shoulder. You know, the same one she hurt protecting Liam last semester?"

Dylan watched as his brother paled. "I-I thought she was just startled. I didn't mean-"

"You know what," Dylan said, interrupting him, "this whole thing is above my pay grade. Come on, we're going home."

"What?"

"Wait, you think I wasn't going to tell mom and dad about this? Worse yet now that I know you actually hurt Maya? Of course I am. We have a sister for god's sake, Shane. If I saw anyone talking to her with half the venom you were to Maya I would clock them good. I still might do the same," he added darkly before grasping him by the collar and pushing him to walk in front of him.

"Lock up for me Em?" he called over his shoulder.

"Of course," she answered grimly, and watched them walk away.

* 

"I'm trying to decide if the stupid comes from your mama's side of the family," his father said, his eyes narrowing as he looked at him over the rim of his glass.

Lucas had to resist the urge to roll his eyes at the man's words. For all that his parents loved each other to the moon and back, the fact remained that they both came from families who had, until Pappy Joe's time, been enemies, and, while they were on good terms now, something cemented almost ironclad by his parents' marriage, occasionally light to medium barbs like this often got thrown out. It mostly amused him, but sometimes he got exasperated about hearing of the flaws of the Friar's or Mcintosh's, parent depending, seeing that he literally was half of both, but there truly was nothing he could do about it, and, most of the time, it was all in good fun.

"I have no idea what you're talking about dad," he answered instead.

"This foolhardy plan of yours I heard you telling your mama about," he responded before raising his voice and bellowing, "Any time this year woman. I'm growing old waiting on you!"

"You're already an old goat so I don't see the problem!" she hollered right back, and Lucas turned his head to hide his smirk at that.

"Twenty-three odd years and I still don't get it," the man sighed. "She rushes me to get dressed then dallies around herself keeping me waiting."

"She's just trying to look her best for you," Lucas tried rationalising.

"I didn't marry her for her looks, pretty little thing she may be," he grumbled. "This is just to keep me in line. Watch out for it son. It'll be you like this one day, growing old while you're waiting on your gal."

"It doesn't seem like such a bad thing," Lucas admitted, the image planting himself in his mind, and if his expression briefly turned silly as he imagined annoyed calls of 'Hee-Haw' and 'Huckleberry' who could blame him?

"You say that now," his father huffed. "Regardless, tell me. What the heck are you trying to accomplish sending Matthew's little brother back to that girl? I'd thought that you'd finally gotten your brains back when you broke up with Riley yesterday, but instead of going after your girl you sent a rival to her?"

"First of all he isn't a rival."

His father scoffed. "I do recall the scowl on your face when you were talking about that field trip of yours. You just about wrung our ears dry talking about Josh this and Josh that and why is he even hanging out with a bunch of high school freshmen anyway and wasn't that illegal?"

"I wasn't that bad," Lucas muttered, squirming uncomfortably. His father's look was especially unexpressed, causing Lucas to shoot him a mild glare before he sat up straighter. "That's the past anyway. I just know that Maya needs someone she can talk to, someone she can trust to be candid and true with her, even if it's something she may not exactly want to hear. It can't be Riley alone, especially not in this because she'll just take the quick road to whatever makes Maya happy and that's not necessarily something that's always best for Maya. And it can't be me, not anymore, because, daddy, I just can't be objective in this, not when it comes to her relationship with Shane. How can I help her make the best decision for her when I want to be with her? There's a bias in there and I can't let my feelings override what Maya wants and what Maya needs, and I may not like the guy, but right now, he's what she wants!"

"But he definitely ain't what she needs if what your gut is telling you is right."

"He isn't," he concurred, "but it ain't my place to make that decision for her, and there's precious few people in this world that Maya respects enough to actually give anything they say to her the time of day, and, even if he's not my favourite person in the world, and even if they had fallen out, Maya listens to Josh. Maya trusts Josh, and I know that he wants the best for her just as I do, even if I really don't think he has a right to be leading her on to something that may never exist."

"And you ain't at all afraid she won't just leave that guy she's with for him? Crushes go a long way you know," and Lucas didn't need to know much more than that to know that his dad was referring to his own marriage. After all, according to him, his mama had started off as the snot-nosed best friend of his youngest sister, a too-energetic and persistent brat who hadn't given him a moment's rest since the first day his mama had left him in charge while she'd taken care of some stuff, and he'd helped put a band-aid on her knee after she'd fallen and scraped it. It was a crush that had lasted for years, much to his annoyance, straight up to when he'd come home during his first year of graduate studies to attend his sister's high school graduation only to realise that somewhere along the lines, that little brat (albeit a cute one) had grown up into a stunning adult, and this time these expressive green eyes of hers that lit up just as bright as they had since she was a toddler evoked something in him that went way deeper than fond exasperation. That 'crush' had taken him down the aisle not a good two years later, so yeah, his father was definitely an expert on the ways crushes could or could not go.

"I know it's a possibility," Lucas answered carefully, "and it wasn't easy for me to send that SOS out to him. But... Maya needs someone to talk to. I can't be objective and Liam is sort of just an echo of her own thoughts so there's nothing really to be had there. Josh can fill that void, so I could only hope that they become friends again."

"But you'd be crushed if it became more than that?"

"Yes sir," Lucas almost reluctantly admitted, and boy was that a difficult thing for him to admit.

His father sighed, and scratched at his beard as he observed him. "You really do love that girl," he finally said, with a deep sigh. "Well, what can I say," he continued, standing up, "I'm rooting for you son, but keep my stupid advice in mind, okay?"

"What's that?"

"Being noble is great and all, but if you know you're exactly what that girl really needs, you're not doing yourself or her any favours by sending her the second best."

* 

Maya hadn't seen him since the day she'd walked away from him, since she'd cut him from her life. She had left him standing there in the park they had met at, had met Lucas, then had gone to Shane and made herself his girlfriend. And after that, she had gone home that night and blocked him from her phone and social media, and thus, completely, from her life. It had been as simple as that, especially since, at the time, she had been so angry, so full of rage, and perhaps more than a little bolstered by Liam's talk about stopping hurt before it started and that the best way was by cutting people off before they had the time to do you profound hurt. And she had done that, cut Josh off before he could finish saying what he had wanted to, to do what he had undoubtedly brought her there to do, to end the long game for forever. Fine, he had not wanted to play that game with her, then she would do nothing with him. And that was that.

And yet, almost robotically, now walking forward to where he was, Maya couldn't quite bring herself to find that rage she vaguely remembered feeling all those months ago. She didn't want to yell, quarrel, or even just demand why he had, after all this time, forgotten her edict and had shown up here outside her apartment. None of that really mattered because, vulnerable as she felt right now, she sort of just wanted a hug and reassurance. That desire opened a floodgate of memories in her mind, reminding her of their hours just spent talking together, sometimes seriously, sometimes about nothing. But it had always relaxed her, comforted her, and yet she had let all of that go, and right about now, she wasn't even sure why. And so, that's why when she reached him she didn't hold back a sniffle as she allowed him to pull her into him for a hug, biting back a whimper as he unknowingly jostled her arm a little too much as he embraced her. But she ignored it, and indeed even let out a laugh, albeit a watery one when he said "Hey there spider-monkey".

"Josh," she replied, pressing herself a tad bit closer to him because yeah, right about now, she needed something to help anchor her down after what had happened to her just an hour or so before.

After a moment Josh gently eased her back, not to disengage, but enough so that he could raise his hands and sweep them over her face, cupping her cheeks. His gaze, as she met it, was tender, however, the longer his brown eyes stared into her the more concerned they seemed to grow before he stepped back entirely from her, and half-muttered, "I guess he was right?"

"Lucas?" she asked, confused.

"You realise he sent me, right?"

"Green and red," she answered with a shake of her head, her initial sense of confusion returning now that she had gotten past the shock of seeing him there. "I don't understand."

"I'll leave that for him to explain," he responded. "For now why don't you let me in and we can talk about what's been going on with you."

"Why do you care?" she asked, even as she automatically fished out her keys and let them into the apartment. "I cut you out."

"That was quite the day," he acknowledged ruefully, shrugging out of the jacket as he followed her in, using his leg to close the door behind him. "It went from me wanting to suggest that we spend a little less time together to you getting rid of me completely. Got to say that stung a bit," he said, although he shot her a half-smile to take the heat out of his words. "I mean, dang, a college guy getting dumped by a high school freshman? That sucks."

"Saying dumped implies we were together," Maya responded, dropping down onto the couch, he following her down.

"We were heading that way," Josh answered, and she blinked, caught off-guard by that.

"You really think so?"

"I do," he answered, his tone growing contemplative. "I've thought about it you know. Many times. Cory wasn't wrong. What we were doing was dangerous. Long game or not one of us would have ended up falling for each other and then the game would have had to ended one way or the other."

"You really think I would have fallen for you?" she answered with a slight scoff.

"That was Cory's concern, but it works both ways. That day when I was going to tell you... it sucked man, it really did," he said, rubbing at his forehead, "and you walking away from me was like a punch in the gut. It hurt more than I care to admit, Maya," he added, glancing at her, "and I sort of realised that you weren't the one he should have been worried about. You were very close to having me wrapped around your little finger."

"Josh," she breathed out, her eyes widening. She hadn't even thought about how her cutting him out would have affected him. She'd just assumed that he'd have moved on happily, that he would just forget about his niece's little friend with the crush who he had been humouring and everything would be fine. He hadn't been.

"I'm fine now," he said, as if reading her mind, reaching over to bop the tip of her nose with a finger. "But it was a slap in the face, one I actually needed."

"In what way?"

"To actually look at myself, at what I was doing," he said, shifting so that he could better face her. "Maya, starting college wasn't an easy step for me. Graduating high school early sounded great at the time, but when I actually settled into NYU, it was just... different. While all my friends were complaining about how boring Mr. Dallaway's class was and just having a grand ole time finally being the bosses of the school, I was trying to figure out how to make my schedule, learn a new campus, and just try to keep my head above water. I had to adult, actually adult. I mean, yeah Cory and Topanga are right here, but it's not the same as heading downstairs to talk to my mom and dad about something, you know? Or just not having to worry about dinner or laundry or half the things I never realised needed to be done because someone always did them for me.

"And maybe because of that I just started to hang around at Cory's more and more because at least I'd have my big brother and his folks for company. And with that came you. You just made it so easy Maya. Everyone else was changing. Riley had gone and cut her hair, remodelled her room, and seemed more interested in magazines and you than hanging out for her favourite Uncle Josh, and Auggie's eyes just didn't light up the way they used to before. And my friends just couldn't relate to what I was telling them, and Cory and Topanga just had that whole, been there, done that but we feel for ya, bud, attitude that seems almost patronizing at times.

"And then there was you. The same sad little waif who was always glad to see me. You hadn't changed Maya, not at all, and I clung to that. I gravitated towards that. You never failed to look at me like I was some grand part of your world and I fed on that. I needed that and the more I got it the more attuned to you I became, the more invested in you I became. But that wasn't right, and it's not something I realised until I was out of the situation, you know, and wondering why, and no offence here, why I was so hung up about a freshman kicking me to the curb, especially one I hardly ever gave the time of day to."

"No offence taken," she responded ruefully.

"Good. I didn't like it at first you know," he admitted, "and if it wasn't for the fact I knew that you would chew me out and Cory would sic our parents on me, on top of that, I would have come right back and given you a piece of my mind that day, that month even. But I didn't and I'm glad I didn't."

"Why?"

"Because being apart from you forced me to realise what I was clinging on to and that I really had to put that part of my life behind."

"So you forgot me?" she asked, arching an eyebrow although she was mostly joking. Josh was being so open with her it was refreshing, and reminded her so much of her late night conversations with him. It was enough to have her sinking deeper into the couch and just stare at him as he spoke, just listening to his words without too much care or concern or worry. It was only now that he was here talking to her that she realised how much she had been missing his presence from her life, and the chasm his absence had left seemed entirely insurmountable right now.

"So I forced myself to realise why I wanted you and moved on from that," he corrected. "And I've got to say I'm better off for it. My grades are good and I actually have a few friends now, actual friends."

"And your roommate, Mr. Snoopaloop."

"He actually isn't that bad," he said with a laugh. "He's still an odd-ball, but he's more than grown on me."

"Good," she said, sincerely. "I'm glad."

"Yeah," he said, returning the smile. "I've used our time apart to really grow, you know. I didn't know if you'd ever get to see that, so I'm really glad that you can."

"You're assuming I'm letting you back in," she couldn't help but joke, before laughing when he poked her stomach.

"If you weren't going to I wouldn't be in here right now."

"I could just be in a magnanimous mood," she sing-songed.

"No," he said, not rising to her teasing as his expression grew suddenly serious. "You aren't in a good mood, which is why I've been spilling my guts like this to get you to relax. But it's quid pro quo here. It's always been like that with us, and now it's your turn to spin. Lucas gave me a run-down on what's been going on with you in the past few months, and the look on your face when I saw you earlier? I don't like it. Not one bit. So I want you to tell me about what's been going on, with Shane and your friend Liam. I won't tell Lucas. I won't tell anyone unless I really think it needs to be said, but you need to talk to me, and you need to talk to me now."

* 

He knew that he would end up in even more trouble when he got home if his parents or Dylan realised that he wasn't in his room, but right now, he didn't care. He needed to see Maya. He had to talk to her. Things had just gotten a bit too heated, that was all, and Dylan and Emily were just exaggerating. It hadn't been that bad of a fight. He hadn't hurt Maya, and yeah, maybe he shouldn't have yelled at her like that, but they were acting as if she hadn't been doing it as well. They had both been wrong, but that was okay. They just needed to talk and everything would be as it should. Right now, he didn't even care about her being with Friar the night before. He just needed them to not be fighting. They could talk about it again, after. Maya had proven to be most reasonable the last time. The issue was just that she was... forgetful. That was the best way to put it. That had been their way before. They'd talk about it, she'd stay away from Friar as he'd asked, but gradually, inevitably, like a moth to a flame, she'd slowly be drawn back to him. Then they'd argue and it'd go back to how it should be. It was a cycle he didn't really like, especially since it seemed that the cycle's length was shortening, and with each rotation he found himself getting more and more frustrated, his temper less and less stable because he couldn't understand why she could not just stay away from him, and why, no matter how much he was trying to fight against it, she just seemed to be moving further and further away. His relationship was not supposed to be like this, but it was one he was not going to give up without a fight.

And that was why he was impatiently waiting for the train to come to a complete stop at the closest station to Maya's apartment so he could go meet her and just talk to her. Everything would be fine after that. He just knew it. There weren't too many people on the train at that time of day, and the station itself, when he finally got off, was similarly empty. He would have missed seeing her otherwise, her and whoever the guy whose arm she was clinging onto was.

Shane stumbled to a stop, not even perturbed by the dirty look the old woman who had to side-step him gave him. No. He wasn't seeing right, was he? But no. That definitely was his girlfriend standing on the other side of the station, looking up at a dark-haired dude that seemed oddly familiar but who he couldn't quite place. It didn't matter though. Who he was didn't matter. What did was the fact that he had seen that look on her face before, that almost blissful expression on her face, with Friar. Once upon a time she had looked at him like that. It was a time he scarcely remembered now. It was one of the reasons he had despised Friar. But now there was a second person? A next guy? What the hell was he supposed to do? Why was Maya like this?

He stood there and watched as she laughed at something the guy said, and, seemingly in response to that, he lowered his chin on top of her head briefly. His blood boiled and in that moment he felt all of his rage from earlier return in tenfold. He started to stalk forward, only to stop abruptly as his brother's angry call from earlier in the day resonated in his mind. It was as if a bucket of ice-water was thrown on him and he froze, taken aback, startled almost, by the level of his own anger. What exactly had he planned to do once he had gotten to where they were, he thought, suddenly panicked, looking down at his hands, hands that were still clenched into near-painful fists. It took way too much effort to force his hands to relax, and even when they did they trembled from the effort. My god. What had he planned to do? That thought kept him rooted in place as he took stock of himself, and what his mind, blinded by emotion, had apparently wanted to do. He looked up, eyes still wide to see where Maya was, only to barely catch a glimpse of her as she stepped onto her train, the guy a step behind her. He swallowed, but this time it was not because of the supporting hand the guy put between her shoulder blades.

No. He was swallowing because of what she was wearing, her sling. Shit. He had hurt her. He'd thought that Dylan and Emily had been exaggerating to make him feel even worse about yelling at her but, no. He knew how much Maya had hated that sling the first time around. She wouldn't have put it back on unless her shoulder was really hurting, which meant that he really had caused her pain.

Suddenly Shane felt lower than dirt, and it was with robotic steps that he moved to a bench and just dropped, not caring that he had jostled the other two people on it. He buried his face in his hands, his head swimming with way too many thoughts.

How had he gotten to this point? How had they gotten to this point?

And was there anyway on earth for it to be fixed?

* 

"What do you want?" Liam asked, irritated, pulling his earphones off and glaring at his cousin who was standing in his doorway. "I thought we had an agreement? Headphones in means to fuck off?"

"Don't swear," she answered, and he rolled his eyes. Yeah, she was as bad as her mother sometimes. "We need to talk."

"You need to talk," he corrected. "I need to figure out what exactly this sketch is needing, so why don't you call up one of your little girl friends and gush to them about how your date with Dylan went instead of me, huh? I'm not in the mood."

"Well you better be in the mood," she said, surprising him by the forcefulness in her tone as she stepped fully into the room and closed the door behind her, something that had him staring at her confused. What was up? "Where were you last night?" she asked, her tone dropping to a hushed whisper.

He frowned, but nevertheless set down his pencil. "I spent the night at Alex's," he answered, the lie rolling easily off his tongue. "Why do you care where I was anyway?"

"Are you lying?" she demanded, moving to him and grabbing his chin, forcing his head up.

"What the hell, Em?" he complained, yanking his chin free. "And no, I am not lying, so you want to tell me what this is all about?"

"Liam!" she snapped, catching him off-guard. "Look, I'm just trying to help here, okay. Were you with Alex last night or were you with Maya? And do not lie to me."

It was the mention of his friend that had his annoyance actually receding a bit and he asked, frowning, "What does Maya have to do with this?"

Emily sighed, visibly deflating as she dropped down onto the bed next to him. "Shane exploded on Maya."

"What?" he asked loudly, tone incredulous.

"Yeah, Dylan and I had to intervene because, I swear, Liam, for a moment, I swore he was actually going to hurt her."

"I'll kill him," he breathed out.

"You'll have to take a number," she joked weakly. "When I left, his parents and Dylan were doing a hell of a job doing that already."

"So what does that have to do with me?" Liam asked, resisting the urge to grab his phone and call her immediately.

"For some reason he got it up in his head that she was with her friend Lucas last night. She said that she was with you but of course that could not be true because you spent the night at Alex's."

"Shit," Liam breathed out, pinching at his nose. "She was with me," he admitted after a moment, looking up at her. "We went to a gay club then I hung around at her place for a while after that. She was with me. And when I left her she was heading to bed and Lucas is too good a guy to come see her that time of the night, anyway."

"Liam," she said, shooting him a disappointed look.

"We didn't do anything wrong," he said defensively. "And whether or not she was with me it doesn't give Shane the right to explode on her."

"I know that," she answered. "I just... I just wanted to know okay? Look, I may not say anything, but I've heard the rumours and I've seen things okay? I like Maya, I really, really do and I appreciate everything she's done for you. But, can you see how I'm torn here? Shane's Shane. I've known that kid for years and I don't want him to get hurt, and if Maya's cheating on him..."

"She isn't," he snapped. "She…" he drifted off, not certain what to say.

"Her heart's not in it," Emily deduced.

"She's too good," Liam ground out. "She won't let herself have Lucas because her best friend wants him, and, yeah, Shane's second choice, but she's been doing her best to be good for him. It's not her fault that she can't keep it up."

"I'm not casting any blame here," she said raising a placating hand, "but I have been noticing a lot of tension with them in practice to the point where I'm just about ready to reassign them new partners to see if that helps. Anyway," she added with a shake of her head, "that isn't important right now. I just wanted to know if she was telling the truth or not. I'll leave you be."

He didn't respond, nor did he move until he heard the click of his door closing once again. Then, in a fit of anger, he grabbed and threw his sketchpad at the wall before clutching at his hair, pulling tight at it. Goddammit, did he have to screw up everything he was a part of? Everyone's lives he was a part of? All he had wanted was a brief period of fun with Maya, one that would help him forget about the stress he had gone through with his mother. The result? He had ended up creating even more conflict for her in a relationship that was already bordering on untenable. Yeah, half the time these days he wanted to shake one or the both of them and tell them to just save them all and break up, but he hadn't wanted to be the cause of more problems for them.

But then again, he thought darkly, should he really be so surprised that he had caused this outcome for her? After all, this was apparently his modus operandi. He caused problems for people wherever he went, and it was never deserved. He was a curse, a disease that just brought pain and conflict to those who cared about him, for the people he cared about. He groaned and hit his hands against his bed in frustration, his anger only raising further when the gesture did not hurt in the least. All his fault, he thought again, this time moving so he could have that satisfying burst of pain as he hit his headboard instead. Yeah, that felt good, but no, it also solved absolutely nothing.

He stumbled to his feet and, upon reaching his closet, he knelt, reaching behind the bags of random stuff he'd just never gotten around to sorting out, for the book bag he had used the year before. He eased it out, and almost mechanically opened it, taking stock of the things he had assembled thus far.

Yes, this was the best way to stop causing people pain.

He just had a few more things to get in order before he could act on it.


End file.
